Why Can't I Talk The Way I Do in My Mind 

I think you are right on this, and it surely plays a part. But, again, it's something that can be practiced. You ever meet someone thats just ON all the time? Think crowdwork comedian, or sales guy. Tim dillon is a good example.

lol ignore the other bastard until you've developed what you're trying to say. he doesn't know what you mean until he's heard you, so if he starts scoffing halfway through that's his problem

omggggg

It's like the difference between a solo piece and an improvised duet.

So, look at the floor while saying things?

Same, realizing my speech pattern was worse around the people I grew up around was a big discovery.

I discovered this part about me when I got my first job as a cashier. I was forced into having conversations, ones that I could always have in my head but never able to do properly in person. It’s now 8 years later and I’m a kickboxing instructor. Way out of my comfort zone, but my confidence and ability to speak becomes natural given my professional environment. I’m still a mess sometimes when speaking to childhood friends who I’ve developed fears of being judged by them at a young age.

How did you learn to talk slower with confidence?

@@sovereignknight9290 Gaining confidence in myself. I've had several big, positive changes in my life recently which really allowed me to build it up. I noticed that the more confident I am, the more coherent I become. I know, easier said than done. It was hard to get the ball rolling, but it feels perpetual at this point.

@@sovereignknight9290 I would say something similar, start with the foundational things. Focus on your worldview, self-perception, and outlook for the future. The mechanical things will follow.

:D good one! you feel less alone in your high IQ desert

@@MassMultiplayer why high iq desert? Do people with a high tend to get lost in what dosent make sanse in a conversation and lose the point of it, is this what you mean?

@@lupoallupato3305 Huh. This comment is incredibly insightful.

You can almost hear things physically clicking into place when someone explains something so clearly.

@@lupoallupato3305 the replier was criticizing the original comment. Because the replier thinks that CIRCADE implied that they (CIRCADE) have a high iq and are above people. I personally disagree with this interpretation of the original comment

What a great remark. "don’t feel listened to" - that is basically the point. I _was_ trying to speak and explain my problems many times but it seems like every time it's either interlocutor doesn't "hear" me and doesn't want(afraid to offend/want to see himself as "great interlocutor") to admit/say that he doesn't understand a sh*t, instead of that usually he make some _assumptions_ of what I've said but do not speak them to me, and therefore the conversation have zero progress/meaning. (I think i should mention that usually they have no problems in communication and it costs them nothing to say what they want). Seeing there is zero response I start to repeat myself(consciously on non-consciously) but it's both tiring me and other person so in the end I come to conclusion that "people don't understand me". And I'm trying to describe as much as I can, I don't just throw those "short" parts on them, but usually it doesn't help... It's either person can understand me "from the zero point" of can't understand no matter I say. And after numerous tries and failures with latter ones I get same feeling of "not being listened/being understood /sincerely cared of", and dropped my attempts to achieve mutual understanding... And here I am now, not having any "thoughts" in my head at all 'cause of meaningless of them(?). I'm so tired of trying in vain that I no mo bothered to form my thoughts from someone. For my I don't need it - I can do things "as is", without thinking "wordly". I even writing all of this in a "raw" mode, without any conscious though, sometimes I just circling through synonyms to put the best possible word and that's all. Maybe my mind learned to be "lazy" at forming thoughts by this moment, I don't know. I just know it is super hard for me to keep the conversation I doesn't have interest in which if I don't say that I _want_ to say, it's just seems pointless to me. I wouldn't "repeat myself" If I got being understood from the first say. I realized that I want to be sarcastic and play "why are you so dumb?" card to at least get anything from such "conversations". It's "bad" solution, but it's better then keeping repeating yourself over and over.

@@NightLancerX I admit, I had to look up what interlocutor meant, but now I know a new word. The world would be a better place if people were more comfortable asking questions rather than making assumptions. I know it’s frustrating, but thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts

@@NightLancerX You described it perfectly

​@@NightLancerX I relate to every single part of this. The boredom, the frustration, everything. It can be lonely and isolating. And it really is a matter of pride for other people sometimes like you said. The biggest difference between being understood by them and not. I think when you genuinely love learning new things, being wrong doesnt matter, if anything its part of finding the right answer because it helps narrow down the possibilities. But people have attached their perceived intelligence to their self esteem. Even today, I made a statement about myself and someone went on a long tangent about how to "fix" it, and assumed I viewed things in a negative way that I didn't. I explained my pov and then they explained the same thing earlier again using different words but in a condescending way 😂😭 I had to realize oh...this is one of those people, that need to always feel like they're teaching someone something. They feel like they have reached the pinnacle and have nothing else to learn, so they dont even listen deep enough to hear the nuances in the lives of different people lol its sad

That's just selection bias Where you notice the hits And ignore the misses

It's scary tbh! And it is selection bias but there were substancially more hits than misses.

@@jmarch_503 that’s something dr. k would say

@mrHikkups It's when you your mind has a certain expectation and thus it is biased in favor of data points or events that confirm that expectation and it tends to discount data points that don't confirm it. Confirmation bias really...

Frl I think it is more like you realising them when he talks about it

This is actually a great way to put it I never think of it like that

bruh.. thats smart

yeah true, sometimes I wish I could have said something in a different tone or worded something differently if it sounded annoying to me

omg

But it also needs to be said that communication is what if you break it down it's technology.... It's also probably the first weapon too.... So at our base instinct I would rather not say anything than be misunderstood... For me at least that's the "weight" of it all... And then of course in the information age, we already know that communication can not only be falsified for gains, it's misused purposely so that like adding an additional weight to our words... There like one quote I see sometimes online that's goes something like tell me 10 truths about yourself and I will have you hung by sundown... Which essentially also validates the idea that language can be dangerous as it cannot actually protect you

Aspergers+ADHD I have genius level thoughts but am absolutely horrible at articulating them

Glad to know what I need to improve on as this makes sense to me

@@greendude0420 I've got Asperger's too!

its so much easier typing it instead of saying it

I also think sometimes you can get attached to the analytical mode of think and potentially the kick that comes with it. Learning philosophy/psychology has helped me bridge the gap in analytical way ironically although different people will find different things useful. For example I learned that when we have reflective thoughts first order reflections are about the situation, whereas second order reflections are about senses of 1)agency and 2)ownership. experiential

Thanks 👍

This was really helpful, Thanks

I’ve only just started the video but I was going through the comment section. I saw some guy claim he has genius level thoughts (don’t think it was a joke), but his words don’t come out right. I was thinking the exact same thing as you. It’s our mind, of course the ideas seem like they make sense. But in reality they may not, and that may become apparent when you try to articulate and speak aloud. I experience this problem a little as well, and I do think that not being able to express what you are thinking is real, but I also see many people underestimating the importance of having logical or well constructed thoughts to begin with which I’m sure is a contributor to this problem

Jordan Peterson mentions something similar, “if you want to learn how to communicate learn how to write”

I love the fact this community exists

Great explanation. You perfectly nailed it!

this is definitely my problem

@@beekdorrr it is a skill!

Depends @@the_expidition427

I feel you. It takes me a while to structure my sentences, but what seems to help me is throwing out a beginning of a sentence so the other person knows I have something to say. Something like "I think" or "I feel like"; majority of the time when someone hears that, they'll wait for you to continue. During that pause I'm free to focus on figuring how I want to say what's on my mind. I've been doing that for a few years now and the length of the pause has gotten noticeably shorter :)

is that why i had struggled so much up until a few years ago??? im going to see a psychiatrist soon to finally confirm if i have adhd or not. i fumbled and jumbled until i told myself to pick a word and if i dont like how it came out then ill try a different word next time until i was satisfied with my choice

@@mikasasukasa4479 yep, sounds like ADHD. I do the exact same thing.

Ah yes... the human language. That one language that all humans speak.

Selection Pruning is a massively difficult skill to develop.

Internet generation going through the same shit

brooo yes, that was exactly what i was thinking

cause we all go thru this. we'll make it man.

Because theres a-lot of overlap of the problems young people face. Our parents weren’t taught these things, and we weren’t taught either as a result. People with depression, anxiety and as well as those who come from abusive or neglectful homes, dont learn how to have healthy boundaries, self-love/worth, emotional stability, communication skills, etc.

Literally

I want to start journaling, but I have no idea what to write, could you give me advice?

@@chromaticv1 Break each day into subheadings Intentions - What I tasks I will accomplish today Day Planner - What will be done in the morning, day and night Happenings - What occurred today outside of what happens during a regular day Thoughts - Things I could or should have changed in the day. I should have woke up earlier or I could have fit some reading time between lunch and work. Improvements - Things I made improvements on. Went from 15 pushups at once to 16 What I learned - Things I learned, like how dogs bark

@@chromaticv1you can do whatever you want honestly, it isnt a school project. Its important to just put finished thoughts on paper in however order you see fit. Whats more important to you. journaling is just a reflection of yourself. Mine is just a mess of random thoughts with no organization but they are still coherent statements and thoughts

Slow down. If you start with talking fast you need to keep that fast pace through the entire conversation. But if you start slow and keep it slow, it gives you way more time to think about what to say, it also makes the conversation less tense and people understand you more.

Don't worry, You're not alone I struggle with the same thing.

I once sent a voicemail and the other person messaged me back telling me the file might have been corrupted because it skipped.

@@joppekim I have the same issue, but when I speak slow enough for me to think of what to say next, people look at me weird, or they say to just spit it out, which makes me really uncomfortable. I've gotten much better now, but still struggle with it.

@@minam.658 Yeah I get it. I've gotten that as well. But people like that does not have your best intentions in mind. It is rude of them to do that so either call them out on it or just stop talking and leave. Facial expressions are facial expressions, it's people who are too afraid to voice their concern, I've learned to ignore people like that, but I get it it's uncomfortable.

Sounds like something called a flow state.

There are studies that show that there is a whole brain connection that develops once you spend enough time on something, that invites you to quickly enter a flow state with the subject. So I agree it might be your flow state and something you are very knowledgeable (technically skilled in) about

@@avenreyl Interesting. It seems that the flow state can be annoying sometimes although it can be incredibly useful.

I do this too! Get me on the right topic and I'll go off without a hitch, but anything else I'm a mess.

when i talk about music i get told how passionate i am and how they want to listen to what i listen to just because how i articulate it. i didnt notice until it had beej pointed out to me

Perhaps singing along to songs would help. Maybe even a rap song.

@@WanderTheNomad I agree with this. After I started singing along to songs, I noticed I was stumbling less when talking

@@WanderTheNomad I used to write songs ( Hip Hop) years ago and I swear learning vocabulary and rapping always kinda helped me. I haven't wrote anything in YEARS and I've just been slowly degrading in speech. I'm not saying this is the cure but I do feel like it helped

Yes, it’s seriously so helpful. I’ll have little therapy sessions with myself and I’ll talk to myself in the mirror about my interests or subjects I really want to talk about and I cannot stress enough how helpful this is. It’ll make your mind so much clearer and help you flesh out your thoughts. It’s basically like journaling out loud. It’s made me so much better at expressing myself.

Or write a script and read that as tangential thoughts may be a problem.

Playing a game and being a gamer is two different things. A gamer usually struggles with their social life because gaming is all they do and know.

i don't even play video games but i can relate to pretty much every video this guy releases.

@@crystaljeffbabeeey at this point I think he’s beyond “therapist for gamers” he’s just a relatable psychologist now putting things in a easy way who occasionally uses games as analogies

That was well formulated!

@@MassMultiplayer Indeed, the way that sentence was so exquisitely crafted leaves me in awe of the RU-vid comments section

So never talk again. Simple.

@@ethanquenum4778 what a great response, who could've thought of that?

That’s so interesting because I’m the opposite! I’m really good in a 1-on-1 setting, but I just can’t get myself to open up in a group setting….

Sounds like you have social anxiety, your amygdala shuts down your higher thinking due to a survival/fear response you've learned due to negative social experiences. I highly suggest talking to your therapist about this, I have the same issue. Recognizing why the eyes of others made me freeze up, and that it wasn't because I was broken but because of a natural survival mechanism, was a huge help in this. Even Dr. k has a vid on it, it's one of his case studies I believe. Where social anxiety caused by past disapproval/bullying/mistakes is not you being broken or bad, rather it's your survival instincts working correctly, telling you to protect yourself from those negative situations.

try taking a deep breath to calm yourself when you feel that adrenaline rush

@@av8213 my whole body starts trembling for at least an hour every time something triggers a dump. i do try my best to control my breathing but my shakes get unmanageable more often than not

@@saturationstation1446 if u physically cant control it that's not something you can fix on your own. if u can try to talk to someone, even dr k but i can't help you :(

could you elaborate on this method a bit more? it seems helpful, like do you reread the notes to remember, how do you structure them etc

@@ravelian It's really just very hurried scrawls. Usually, when I feel like I have a really good thought or something I really need to not forget, I just write down a few words about it before or while raising my hand. Like "This -> That -> because of XYZ". Or just the name of a scientist or theory, that would fit there, if I can be sure that the combination of my note and the topic itself would trigger the right memory. It's usually just really fast and dorty, because I don't want to lose track of the conversation or lecture that's going on at the same time. My general note taking is wild, but I get down a lot of information and rarely reread the notes anyways. Usually the act of writing stuff down is enough to make the most important things stick around. But occasionally I do sort them by date and clean them up or type them up, which for me is usually also more effective than just studying.

Nothing wrong with that, ideas are complex and sorting through them in private can take a while.

A few moths ago i discovered that i process emotion and stuff that bothers me through my drawings. I can visualize them much better and i am talking to others more about the things that bothers me. Normally I'm too shy, get too emotional or just can't find the right words to describe it. Furthermore I'm feeling much better and I'm more concentrated during the day when I'm drawing my concerns.

Fairly certain I'm simply struggling with the "slowing down" aspect of the mind, which may not effect how I type or write, but just the speaking.

I envy you bro

Can you freestyle?

How?

@@AForEh lol no

@@crystaleunoia3974 idk I just don't feel like there's a gap between what I think and how I say it. I already think in words so just take the internal monologue and vocalise it.

Good on you for seemingly never giving up when it comes to communication and not letting it ruin your motivation