I have over the course of 3 months watched all your post. There is something that you have probaby been told before that is a common thread. My curiousity of the subject matter was the first attraction and then I found out what makes you special. We as humans when we meet someone it is how they look, what they say and then what they do. In these videos we are givien a second party interpretation of what you do. It is YOUR VOICE! It is hypnotising. I had a hypnotherapist that talked the same way when I had my sessions (see TV series Billions) for breaking my trading barriers in the market. As you talk you unknowingly place people in a transendental state so that they keep listening without judgment. I don't see you as an object or thing but aa an extension of a conscious state reporting ideas that we may or may not have experienced. Any criticism comes from those that are frighened and unaware of the power of the subconscious mind. Hypnotherapist break the spell with a snap of fingers and you break us in and out of the session with your quick laughter. I hope you enjoy your post as much as I do.
You forgot the sapiosexuals.. for these you will be at last everlasting sex object. btw. This is creepy. Do I really inverted if I look for human in hookers and sex object among girls next door? Wouldn't be better to look for sex where its expected? I got eriee flashback when you mention your split and approach to that job. I know it somehow. It was common among girls which ware too good at hanging out (sexless thing!), thus they ware remembered forever by all folks in my rural community. While certain girls build this sexy thing and been obviously categorized. Your material is a priceless insight on to "how far we are as a sexes and how difficult is to understand". You are damn smart. Peace ✌️
I... empathize with what you're saying. We as ppl are wicked. We need some hope. Where do we find it? Your voice breaking got to me. Lady, I don't know you but I'm praying for you. Life can seriously suck. Sounds like you along with too many others know this. From a secular stance when I was fighting in the GWOT..."It can always be worse" (got me through the shit). Unfortunately, temporal things don't last. My 2 cents...It is not painful to bend the knee. It is freedom. Seek your Creator while he can be found. learn to trust him cause ALL people can let you down, even your spouse. Find the truth and why we as people are so broken.
This is gonna be long and I apologize. I took a couple screenings that were online that had been posted by an autism website. (Someone gave me the link in the comments, which was very sweet of them.) My scores were definitely above average, but not nearly as high as a person with autism. Which could mean I just slipped through the cracks with the screenings. Or it could mean my ADHD symptoms showed up as autism symptoms. The thing is… my family is weird. My family environment growing up was weird. My father was probably a genius, but he also had some narcissistic tendencies. And no one in my family really cared if my brother and I developed well socially. For them it was all about academic achievement. That was the only thing that mattered. So, both my brother and I were very weird kids. For example, we were expected to use very precise language to express ourselves. And if I used the wrong words (absolute language was forbidden even if it was factual), my father would interrupt me and give me a lecture about how I needed to use words correctly. And whatever I’d been trying to say would either be ignored or forgotten. It was a great way for him to dodge criticism, but it meant that when I was in social situations outside of the family I talked really “weird.” Negative emotions weren’t tolerated in our house. If I was visibly angry or upset about something, I was sent to my room until I “wasn’t angry anymore.” So, if something really upsetting happened, and I couldn’t talk about it without becoming upset, you could safely guarantee I’d never be allowed to talk about it. And then there was the academic shit. Our parents wanted to raise little geniuses. So, we didn’t exactly get a normal scholastic experience growing up. That part was actually pretty cool because when your dad is a genius, it’s kind of like getting free college courses at the age of seven lol. In my family love was communicated by sharing interesting facts and ideas. But that doesn’t translate well to people outside of my family. You don’t tell a normal person you love them by sharing a weird fact about dolphins. The problem is, all of that (and much more I haven’t yet mentioned) combined to make us into very autistic-seeming people. Some of that could be actual autism, but I tend to think a lot of it was growing up with a narcissist who was smarter than nearly everyone around him.
Which sexologist do you think had a weird paraphilia, and which paraphila do you think they had? (other than Phil Illy, if you consider him a "sexologist")
I mean, there’s a story about Anne Lawrence from 1997 when she worked as an anesthesiologist that does not look good. I’m not sure how true it was because it was posted by a trans website that was clearly trying to smear her. But it really doesn’t look good out of context. Then there’s the incident at Northwestern University where Bailey brought in a lady who demonstrated the use of a toy attached to a reciprocating saw. And, yeah, that one makes sense. It’s sexology. There’s gonna be sex. But I can see how an outsider would look at that and be like, “nope!” And then, on the flip side, there are sexologists who discover some really interesting stuff, and refuse to pursue it any further because they realize it’s controversial, and they could end up in hot water if they go public with the wrong information. Like the guy who discovered the link between higher intelligence and pro social paraphilic activity. Very interesting, but he probably didn’t want his life examined under a microscope by people who wanted to verify whether or not he was a pervert. Sex is a weird field of study.
Sounds like the judgmental comments you receive are really getting to you. I sympathize, but I would also suggest you try to focus on the positive feedback you get. As I read this comment section, most of the remarks are supportive. I know negativity is very potent and can sometimes blot out positivity, but here is where you need to force the issue. Make yourself emphasize the affirming feedback, which outweighs the cruel, ugly stuff.
It’s hardly believable you’re socially awkward. You come across so thoughtful, obviously grappling for the right words… I mean, you wouldn’t make these videos if it wasn’t there, but still I can’t picture you as rude or reckless person.
Mostly, I’m just oblivious. I don’t always pick up on social subtleties. I also have to be careful not to be too much myself around people until they’ve had a chance to get comfortable with me. Folks who know me usually interpret my quirks as kind of funny and harmless, but people who don’t know me can get weirded out because I’m eccentric and that can seem unpredictable and dangerous in a person they haven’t established a sense of comfort with. Also, I’m just not very confident socially. When I was young I dealt with constant social rejection. Luckily, my husband really helped me with that. When I got together with him (he’s very socially gifted) he would point out to me, “see that? If that person didn’t like you, they wouldn’t have done that.” And it really helped give me a sense of context.
Well, in his mind I wasn’t supposed to get roped. He thought I had poor self control, so if he just put me in a situation where someone “tempted” me, I’d fall for it. And then he could give me this little speech he had planned out about how he didn’t trust me going to the strip club because he was afraid I’d sleep with every guy I met. So, he set me up. I fell for it. The only thing he didn’t anticipate was that I just don’t have any interest in sleeping with lots of random strangers. So I said “no”. Guy didn’t care. Stuff happened. The next time I saw my boyfriend, he hits me with his obviously well-rehearsed speech about how I don’t have enough self control to be working as a stripper. And all the pieces started clicking in place for me. I wasn’t supposed to say “no”. I was supposed to say “yes”, then feel all guilty and ashamed afterward. Oops. lol When I say I fought for my freedom, I fought for my freedom. I am proud of what I’ve built for myself. There were many people who tried to stop me, and none of them succeeded. :)
