I believe it will take a while for the dumper to learn and appreciate what they had. The longer the better. That's when the tables truly turn and they may have a true change of heart.
Learn and appreciate what they had? Maybe, but equally or more likely they are opportunists returning to their favorite Soup Kitchen to get a heaping helping of free emotional nourishment in exchange for no work.
You have to remember a narcissist is basically a child in an adults body. So they act like being told off by their parents when they were a child. They leave and don’t want to return until they feel their parents have cooled off and/or given time to forgive the child. Or even an amount of time had passed where the parent may have forgotten what the child had done in the first place. Fast forward to the adult narcissist and they are basically doing the same with an ex partner, they return when they hope enough time has passed by and you as the victim has either forgiven them or forgotten what the argument was actually over
They come back if the new "toy" isn't as good as the old one. Ofc they can skip for a newer one... after some they may realize that "that" person wasn't that bad after all
Exactly. Emotionally opportunistic bums cycling through their favorite “charities” to get their basic needs met in exchange for holding their hands out but doing absolutely no self-work.
He's avoidant I'm secure. I can't handle his wishy-washy ways. I ended things in December and heard from him in May. I've moved on and not available. I told him and he went silent 😶. I wish it was him but he's got issues and never let me in in 4 yrs. I have to move on. But I'm happy with my new person. 🙏
Similar in my situation. What helps me is reading these comments and knowing there are people out there going through the same thing. Its a real thing. And yes they have certain issues. Sucks either way
You are one of the rarest and luckiest persons, I could say, having the secure attachment style. I have an anxious attach and I m rly trying to get over my ex. My ex who is an avoidant and also a narcissist… that is from his actions.
That’s great! You are correct that if the issue is with them, they should work by themselves, we can’t change their inner world if they do not open the door:! Thank You for sharing your story!!
A little after 3 months were talking again and as of last week we started having sex, and she says she misses us but not the old relationship, I also agreed with her that's why we have to start over with a clean slate not bringing anything into the new relationship. I've been going to counseling for the last 3 months and she definitely sees the difference of my progress, so I hope we will work out and be together again
Why would anyone want an avoidant type ex back? Why subject oneself to the same torture and never receive what they need? Just move on people, find yourself a lovely secure person who will be healthier for you. Leave the avoidant with himself
Avoidant partners are the worst its like banging your head against a brick wall on a daily basis being with them, they constantly send mixed signals there coldness and heartlessness is like no other they are sub human facts avoid these people at all costs for your own sanity. But the sad thing is by the time you figure it out its too late.
Not true. I’m an avoidant and I’m becoming a secure. Losing a good relationship can be a good thing for us because we can seek help and love our partners better the next time. You are just hurt.
Dismissive Avoidants will make even the most secure person (me) feel anxiously attached and insecure. It is wild. Don't ever let them and get a grip on it.
This is pretty much the situation I’m in. I always had to bring up the tough conversation because she didn’t know how to speak her mind and when she started crossing boundaries instead of trying to work things out she said it’s better for her to be single right now. We also lived and had a lease together so 2 months post break up, being an Anxious type I’ve had nights crying, pleading where the relationship went wrong, being angry and argumentative which seemed to only push her further away and reassure her she made the right choice. I wish I was as level headed then than I am now. I’m not giving her the space and I want falter by contacting her but I just hope it’s not too far gone. She asked how I was doing 3 weeks ago and I kept it very minimal and respectful, haven’t heard from her since.
When someone chooses to make themselves irrelevant to your life, you have to remember that their significance TO you always came FROM you. You were ALWAYS the operant power in who gets a place in your heart and mind. The last Ship To Happiness did NOT (I repeat, NOT) sail away without you on it. The One Love that permeates everything and that is meant for you is Protean and is ever changing faces. Don’t get attached to the face / actor. Their is only One Love and the good meant for you will never pass you by.
I'm 5 months into no contact. I can now see why one is two months is not enough. Did that before and we broke up again a couple of months later. I'm now a different person and don't depend on her even though I miss her I'm not desperate. Had only a couple of emails since but nothing that lead to anything. What ever happens, I'm not going to make it easy if I let her back into my life at all. Statistically what I read is that they never work on themselves and you will just break up again . Sad but reality.
@BledaRassmar hi there, been over a year now. Nothing from her. I think she will stay away purely knowing she does not want to hurt me again and knowing we can't just be friends.
I wanna share my story: I’m 20f , my ex 24m. A couple of months ago we started having problems with the lights, Internet, job, financial issues. Since we lived in Ukraine and there’s a war. We lost our job, electricity, safety. And i started to pick up fights with him, started acting narcissistic and would complain and get offended. I also had some problems with my health at that time. So, he would support me, sometimes also criticise me and get offended. We decided we should move out the country. It was really difficult. I started to feel and behave suicidal and accused my ex. On the 22th of July he decided to break up, but he regretted it right after the next day, would call me all the time, write everywhere even in the gmail, would send me deliveries with gifts, flowers and meals with the notes to forget him. I forgave him. Then a week later i moved in another country with him. We were living in Germany with his aunt. We had an argument at night on the 3d of August and the aunt didn’t like it. The next day another fight because of the break up before. I said that i felt suicidal and he took it as a threat. Told the aunt about it and she kicked me out of her house at night. I begged to stay at least for the night. My ex just stood silent and took my stuff. He accompanied me to the camp for refugees, we were mostly silent. I asked him “are you breaking up with me? “ he said “yes” It didn’t feel real. On one of the bus stops i couldn’t go after him. And he went on with my stuff alone without waiting for me or going with me. He sent me a message with the address, said to get there myself, my stuff is there and blocked me. He never reached out since. I still left some of the things at his house some books, wires, clothes. I contacted his mom for him to give me back that stuff. He refused, his mom said that i can buy new wires and books. I tried to contact him the next day, he blocked me everywhere. No contact since today is 18th of August. His family thinks I’m crazy and that i threatened to kill myself, so that think that it was a right decision to kick me out of the house at night in a foreign country. The most unbelievable part is that we had a great relationship, he was a nice and great guy. Even when we had arguments, we still loved each other, went on dates, hugged and so on. I’m so broken, like everything was good, but my depression, suicidal tendencies and arguments led to this. Right now i feel anger. I felt really miserable first, but right now only anger that he let his aunt to kick me out at night, that he didn’t accompany me till the end that he didn’t even check on me if i got to the camp. That we had a good relationship that turned out so nasty at the end.
Wait so yall came here to find out how to get a crazy person back? Im trying to figure out how to stop attracting these psychos! I have an ex thats been stalking me since 2006! Trust me, you dont want this person back! You want who you thought they were to come back!
My ex and I broke up. He got a new gf within 3 weeks. I did no contact straight away. Sent one long email in that time. He came back 2 months later. He said he would change things and did some but not all. Was incredible for a year then I found a message on his phone. Wouldnt explain it and he broke up with me stating ridiculous non important reasons. I didn’t do no contact as he said was taking a break and wanting to stay in contact. It wasn’t proper contact though and made me feel and do insecure things. He has no emotional interest in me any more. Chasing every other woman alive but me. 5 months later I’ve started a strict no contact. Maybe too late but only chance to make him feel something and maybe change
Because you think that the last Ship to Happiness sailed away without you one it and you don’t realize that there is only One Love but it wears many faces throughout a lifetime.
He came back 2 months after dumping me and lasted over a months with his rebound he came back made me trust in him again and dumped me again for no reason I am finally moving to a different state because he hurted me so much. 💔
You are sloppy seconds to NO ONE, especially this id i ot. Remember who you are and keep holding your head high. Anyone’s significance TO you comes FROM you. YOU are always the operant power. Never forget it.
The most important question is: What was the reason of the breakup? This makes the odds and time frame. 1. Abusive relationship? Not back ever pls. 2. Breakup in a heavy argument? 3. Serious trust issues or commitment problems? 4. Empty relationship?
Well, mine moved out of state when he broke up with me....it's been 7 months...while he still reaches out to me through text, even buying me flowers and sending me money, I dont think he will ever leave his family or his state and return to me. I'm coming to terms with him never coming back.
@@BledaRassmar update is less than a year after he took off and went back he met somebody else and got married. He's happy where he is and I have met the love of my life. A friend that I had known for 10+ years has turned out to be the best man I've ever met. Had my ex not have left I would have missed out on this wonderful human being. I realize now that my ex was an awful person and I deserved way better and I found it.
@@BledaRassmar I truly believe good or bad everything happens for a reason. We get so lost in the fogginess of our heartbreak, we can't see clearly. Breakups are meant to happen.
@@BledaRassmarthey always come back if you were good to them. They go to a toxic relationship and it makes them realize how great they had it. But it takes months
Maybe he WAS the emotionally draining one. After the grief goes, you may find yourself alot less depressed & less co-dependent…and alot stronger and more interesting than anyone ever gave you credit for. Anchors away!
@@BledaRassmar I reached out and asked if she would like to get lunch a couple weeks ago. She said yes enthusiastically and even set the date, then she texted a couple days before and said she might have to cancel (gave valid reasons) and then the day before she said she’d have to rain check. The next day I suggested another time that I’m usually not available, but knew she was, but she had family plans, which was true (confirmed on Facebook), but she said she’d let me know another day to get together for lunch. I’m not holding my breath. I wish I wasn’t starving for breadcrumbs. I want what we had in the beginning and everything we talked about literally right up until the day she discarded me. I’m just lost.
@@BruceJC75 Hey, at least she is talking to you positively and open to seeing you! And rescheduling rather than ghosting! Remember that getting back together will be the start of a whole new relationship, not a “unpause” of the old one. On the days that she reschedules, do something really enjoyable for yourself-make it like she gave you a GIFT of a little holiday for self-care. I know the anticipation feels like FOREVER but make it as fun for yourself as possible. We are all energetic beings and exes- can sense when you feel good versus needy; they can sense when you are carefree and glowing-up. Everything is going to be okay. You are doing really well so far and you have been strong and patient. Just relax into the process and have fun. Your heart is only as broken as you allow yourself to be convinced it is.
Stay grounded in the moment that “nothing bad is happening RIGHT NOW. Don’t give yourself anxiety looking too far ahead. Your job is to have fun and be at peace. You are special and good things are in the works.
I love these videos and they have been so helpful. I am curious about one thing . When you mention in your video "Competitor" why are they your competitors ? How about they are humans with different advice? We are all in this together ....so for me, I listen to people who I resonate with. My Mom was MFCC and she gave me the best advice in regards to finding a therapist . she advised I choose a therapists where I feel safe... heard... understood and one with whom I resonate with. So, the word competitor is a curious choice of words . Thoughts ?
You will never win, especially if “mommy” still treats him as “her little boy”. This is why I am only interested with people who don’t have weird, inappropriately close dependency on family. If this is the case, you will always be “the other woman” in a chronic, gag-inducing love triangle. Don’t go for addicts either.
@BledaRassmar thank you for your comment. Yes, not only treats him as a little boy when he is 52 years old, but also convinced him about 10 years ago to transfer all of his assets into a trust that she manages, so he gave up his financial independence & she can control him by not transferring him any money to his transaction account. We went out for dinner with our mutual friends once in 12 months and I paid for myself, and she withheld future transfers ad punishment saying he had spent too much money. He would have spent about $80 on his food and drinks that night. He's 52. Surely he can make these decisions for himself, but she thought if she withheld his money it would also restrict our relationship. One of the many things she did to sabotage something we had together which I think was truly beautiful without her interference. Unfortunately he didn't have the backbone to stand up to her, to save us.
I am anxious and secure now. My one ex Nick is an advoidant. Nick was the one who asked me for space and time. Gave him plenty of space and time. Several times he tried to rekindle our love for a relationship felt used for sex by him. He has been trying to come back to me after failed attempts of rebound relationships. During our past relationship we cheated on each other. I regret it and ask forgiveness. Thought he accept the apology and forgiveness by me but never fully moved on by it. How will I know if he is coming back to stay?
😂 so what if (and I'm not joking here) husband of 10 years gets deployed overseas, cheats with another solider on pass, and separates from you... (their not at the same location anymore but he wants to snapchat her.. says he will always love me but doesn't believe in the marriage anymore.. wants to be best friends again so we can coparent the kiddos...
Hey i need your help tell me in my case : me and my ex-boyfriend were fighting like any normal couple ( its LDR) But in this time he told me bad words and hurted me so much so i told him that m leaving then we didn't talk again (i closed my social accnts but when i reopen them the next day he blocked me) So i feel like i am the one who dumped him Wish u tell me because m so confused about should i reache out or no It's have been tow months since the break up.
A relationship takes 2 people to make it work. If your ex- can’t figure out why and how to improve, then he was an appetizer to a much better, more wholesome feast of love coming your way. Hugs.
I'd like to ask You about my case. Short. We've been togehter for 3,5 year (live together). Brokeup for 9 months. Get back togerher for 6 months. Both was dissapointed and brokeup again. There was a children + family issue. Whe wanted i didnt. When i did was to late. 2 months after brokeup she went to Spain - 2500 km and is there for 3 months. Generally no contact for 30 days. I know she tried to date others but all failed - they dont speak english and she is bit tall and bit muscular spanish guys are bit smaller and mediocre. She is single (live with other girl) in the country where almost nobody speeks english. Lonely for sure. Next week will be her birthday. I want to ask her to try one more time. I dont think small talk will do the job. She needs real arguments to leave Spain because she has her lives there. I know for sure she will be massive depressed that day and after that she will be much better - i know her. Questons: should I ask her at all? Should i ask her in her birthday or after that? Should i ask her small talk way first? I dont belive she will reach me at all or even answer if it is small talk version. She dont even read my smses. She thinks i have a GF and seems she lives in Spain for good. Im sure she is at stage 1. I want someone to love me.
