Narcissist is subject to reverse recency bias: old days bad (victim), morality play (overcoming insurmountable), good (narcissist) prevailed. Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: www.amazon.com/stores/page/60...
Going no contact with a narcissist in my family was a very good decision. Can you imagine your ego being so fragile that you never forgot what a 10 year old child said to hurt your feelings and still carry the grudge more than 20 years later? A narcissist certainly can!
'That didn’t happen. And if it did, it wasn’t that bad. And if it was, that’s not a big deal. And if it is, that’s not my fault. And if it was, I didn’t mean it. And if I did, you deserved it.'
My sister did this at my Grandfathers funeral. She brought up something that happened when we were 8 and 11 years old...something about hiding a remote control. She's literally 40 years old now. Everyone thought she'd lost her mind.
So at one point a Narcissist seeks "important" (beautiful, intelligent, rich......) people to proof his one importance. On the other hand he likes to be with people who he thinks inferior to him. How is this do able? Does he devaluate everyone, or does he divide people, meaning, he devaluates some, but not all. Do N. have Examples (Vorbilder) that they look up to?
I’m an adult survivor os sexual , verbal and physical abuse. I was placed into the custody of the state as a teenager . And was also abandoned by my family when I was at my hardest . I am now numb. I know I at times had grandiose thoughts of being different and more aware than others. But in reality, I just want to have close connections and a sense of saftey and love instead of feelng like an outsider all the time.
you're not alone, thank you for sharing.. I literally could feel your words. I too struggle with these feelings due to my past and familial abandonment
I think Sam Vaknin presented survival narcissism...the traits we need to develop & utilise to.survive situations of hardship & suffering. If a person remains in survival mode for long periods of time they can remain stuck in this way of thinking, this approach to their life has become ingrained in their mode of thinking/ analysis. They become a variety of narcissist out of necessity. Perhaps this topic may be of interest ? We are always learning about ourselves when reflective.
@@munkyjammin survive! That what I’ve heard since I was as young as I could remember. I was called a “ survivor “ since I was a little child. I want to live already and not just survive.
For decades I've struggled with a partner that re-writes history. It's heartbreaking to hear his version of events or things that simply didn't happen. It destroys your self esteem. The way my husband tells it I blew up the Hindenburg, sunk the Titanic and was responsible for all the terrible atrocities of WWII. Pretty extensive list and very ambitious for someone who wasn't even born until 1967. 😢
Elevating current day mediocrity and devaluation and trashing of past people and events. Villanizing their past victims and becoming, as you said, the victim, survivor and even the hero, the saint.
My NPD/BPD brother went out with my family and I for pizza. I had 2 beers with dinner. Did not drink for 6 months... was traveling...My wife witnessed. He then asked my son to sleep over at his house . I said absolutely not. Weeks later.. even a year later ... I start getting calls form family members and emails from him saying I had 7 vodka martinis (i dont drink martinis) and he pleaded with me not to drive with my kids. (I barely even drink alcohol). He said i was pounding drinks.... needless to say its real. When these confabulations are confronted with truth of actual events. Its almost laughable and sad at the same time.
I had trouble wrapping my head around the first half but the final third really helped me understand. I often see the example of someone saying something they think is novel all over social media. They speak as if they’re the authority. Anyway, I’ll need to give this another watch to understand better!
Thank you for explaining this. My mother would rewrite memories as a means of emotional processing. She would sit before the TV, knit, and sigh, and repeat something like 'yeah, that's how it is', or 'this is for the better', etc. Looks harmless, but there was a time in my youth I had to come with a plan, with a friend's help, to leave the parents house. Because I didn't have money or a job, and wanted to have both, and knew she won't let me, and wouldn't help me on my way out. So it got ugly at first, but then she come to terms, I left, and lived in the neighbour country, and worked there. And she came to visit, we had a walk, and she casually mentioned that it was actually her idea for me to move, and that she helped me. I was astonished to say the least, but I remembered those TV knitting memory sessions, so I wasn't really _surprised_ . Sometimes I want to know something about the past, but I realise it's pointless to ask her.
Thank you very much for your very informative and enlightening explanations, these have helped me understand the dynamics of the characters in my family especially in relation to the interactions and of course conflicts existing.
A Feature Film vs. A Documentary is a powerful visual for making sense of cognitive dissonance. I'd be willing to settle for a Docu-Drama just to keep the movie spicy, if I had any input. But, the basic legal facts deserve to have their place in history. It is the accomodation of the drama that waters down the truth imho.
Makes me wonder if personality disorders could be/ are organized by the primary cognitive biases used? (In general) If we all rely on certain biases to make sense of our world to some degree- when does a a common human bias evolve into a red flag? 🤔 Maybe the difference is just each persons ability to recognize our biases and confront oneself?
Most self proclaimed empaths act really narcissistic. I dont think actual empaths are the type to brag on the internet about how empathetic they are. Which is what a lot of people do. Its like they are upholding a false self built around being empathic. Which would also increase grandiosity.
Yes, because many of them are. If they speak long enough it becomes very clear. Just the fact that you feel yourself so empathetic that you refer to yourself as an "empath" is already a bad start from my perspective.
I think people who proclaim they're empaths are looking for something that sets them apart and makes them special. Most people don't feel the need to brag about a natural human instinct as if they're part of some superhuman class and only they feel empathy
Most of us neurotypicals have some empathic traits but anybody who describes themselves as an empath or, worse, a super empath is somebody I would advise others to be wary of.
Yes it’s true I’m a covert narcissist from what I can tell from thinking about my past I can say yes it is true a covert narcissist is very tricky. I would look at it as camouflage.
Haha thanks again. I shouldn’t be laughing, but it is so predictable and funny to see. The many career shifts and then suddenly having a complete new identity, posting only about the things he just learned as if it’s the most precious knowledge on the world. Ordering the new colleagues around 🤭 They don’t know yet… After 6 months the story will start from scratch in another form. He will say again he was the business owner, manager or some high position person during his old job. While he was just one of the employees moving on to a “next opportunity”, “better position”, where they don’t feel bored with his delusions yet… 😅
I have been through this with my ex. Replace the job, with me. All he learned, he learned from me to obtain a sense of humanity and normality. A personality. He would use this work of me to manipulate everyone else. So bizarre.
My mother has what I call selective memory. She never remembers or flat out something never happened. She does not like confrontation at all and shuts down. She looks away dismissively and won't acknowledge you. I'm trying to figure out if this is just a tendency in her life or is this something deeper psychologically ? All I know is coming across this channel I find myself relating to most of the comments on her about parents. Answers to questions I had. It's a lot to unpack. Could my mother be a narcissist is where I'm at.
