WHY THE INFJ ALWAYS HAS A CARD UP THEIR SLEEVE 

Do you go into situations with a psychological backup plan in mind?

I reveal nothing as a form of self preservation. Experience has taught me that it's a good idea. I've had people blow up in my face because I revealed far too much. It's too easy to yank someone's leash.

As an INFJ (who just figured that out), this hits right in the sweet spot. I totally analyze anything another person says or does and base my decisions on that. I am mature enough, finally, at 51, to stand up for myself and let someone else know what I'm thinking or feeling. I won't let someone think I approve of their behavior when I don't but I'm very subtle about my disapproval, and if they don't pick up on it, that's on them. I know, for myself, that "disapproving" of something isn't "judging" and if it works for them, have at it, with my blessings. We all gotta live here.

I absolutely do this, its difficult to simply be open and completely honest all the time, and I find, especially as an autistic INFJ that there's always this chance of there being a backlash. In my mind its always safer to have a backup plan AND an escape route hahah Its always been my wish to be authentic but having an anxiety disorder and a very differently wired brain means that I can't always be at all sure of what to expect from the other person in a conversation

The way I say it is "I'd rather be hated for being real instead of being liked for being fake"

Yes being vulnerable and authentic is really hard but i think those are my values now

I do judge almost everyone and I never show it. I thought I must be awful to always be judging but the truth is I do think we see more than others see.

Right on! And I am going to allow people to judge me through my writing. I think my experience and self understanding are too complex to communicate in normal social interaction. BTW, I listen to a video each night. Very affirming. I have never disagreed with one description you have made of the INFJ experience till now. I might add, I've been thinking lately... if INFJ is this rare breed... and then if you add experiences that I have had, which I think are also rare... then of course, society is not going to be organized around how I understand life to function. That puts me permanently at odds with society, despite not wanting it to be so... Accepting this fact brings a lot of comfort to me. You mentioned how we can bring different faces to different social groups. Yet, this to me, shows the divisions in our society. I wonder, if INFJs might not have the opportunity to find ways better than others, to bridge the gaps between these social groupings should we wish to rise to that task.

I needed this message, this is a sign I needed to open up to my friend about my ambitions for my career and financial freedom. I 'm really passionate about what I'm doing and my plans, but II worry about making other people feel inadequate, jealous, or like I'm looking down on them, because I've been where they are and I know it would feel like that if someone else was doing something different etc and having success and new opportunities with it, while I wasn't able to. That's something I'm trying to navigate. But looking forward to doing my research as usual and doing my best.

I had to smile when watching this, we have been doing this for so long subconsciously it really has become second nature for me, I really enjoy that the internet has brought us all together to answer all these questions.

Do I go into situations with a psychological backup plan in mind? Yes. Because if I don't do that, I end up being in a tough situation with people, and sometimes in conflict with them. I would rather be the "grown up" when that happens. When I begin to understand them and their ways, views, etc. without me responding negatively, my hope is that they reciprocate likewise. if they don't, then I always use my escape plan, or have an adequate response in store to use when such conflict/disagreement arises.

INFJ was unknown to me 10 years ago but I have been doing it since I was a teenager. I was a professional chess player then. I was making the mind machinery of looking several moves ahead. Having an ace up my sleeve is way over simplification. I was also a Scientology counselor in my 20's so I safely access someone's mind upon first meeting them. By the 3rd meeting I have had confessions of being a kidnapped sex slave or intense criminal acts. Things they would never admit to another.

The card we have up our sleeve is usually an Uno Reverse card

Already tried to get different groups to mingle, unfortunately, people are not that open! And never had a problem saying I was going out with very different kind of people. I've come to the conclusion that I could'nt force people to be open-minded. And I so get judged for it. And I don't give a damn about it! The only reason why I could avoid showing a side of my likings or views, is when I can actually tell that the person I'm dealing with would definitly become a pain in the ass to deal with, and at work (because some topics don't need to be discussed in that environment, for the sake of the harmony of the workplace).

You’re on point with your insights. I have learned a lot about myself and patterns just listening to your wisdom. I am amazed how some traits or tendencies could be so universal to personality type.

I think you're right on, though I have to add something. I am usually pretty straight forward about what I want at this juncture in my life but I find that people still project their stuff onto me. The difference now, it that I've stopped caring. I hate to say it, but that's when the famous INFJ door slam usually gets triggered. But now, I'm okay with that because I didn't hide what I want or who I am. If someone lets me know they don't respect my boundaries, so be it. I'm okay without them. Great video ~

Thanks!

Judging is fine...people make judgements all the time , complements or critics .. it is only wrong when we judge something that is not true..

Some toxic people just doesn’t get it on purpose!!

I am doing this now, showing who I am, even if it is weird from their point of view. I actually made it to the point that I do not care about their judgment anymore.

I definitely keep my friendship groups separate because I know that my friends would argue with one another if they ever met. I have Christian friends, Christian family members, Jewish family members, as I had grandparents who had an interfaith marriage, I have Bahai friends, atheist friends, spiritual friends, Shaman friends, Wicca friends and forbid if those friends ever met. My family members would be okay as my Jewish cousins knew about my grandparent's families different religions and my Jewish cousins aren't deeply religious anyway, so it's like having secular Jewish cousins. But, I would be concerned about my Christian friends meeting my Bahai friends or something like that. I'd also be concerned if my religious friends saw me perform comedy or my quantum physics/ mysticism/philosophy/ peace/anti war poems at an open mic night when they don't know my artistic side. On the flip side, my artist friends for the most part, don't know my interfaith side, so they are surprised when they find out I'm abstinent and don't drink or smoke. I try to express my thoughts and viewpoints more throughout my open mic performances and my poetry now so that people aren't shocked about something.

Excellent video Wenzes! You hit the nail on the head with this one. 😂 Yep, I've done that my whole life. I always try to be a judgement free person, and let people show their real selves. I want them to feel comfortable to be themselves around me. I don't feel that's a bad thing in a world full of judgment. But I do realize that I do judge while trying to remain non-judgemental. I try not to be hypocritical, but sometimes my brain naturally does this.

🤫😂 it’s hard to throw 2 cents in when you nail it so completely. I’m amazed by you , because your so young and have figured this all out. Old souls.

Wow...tremendous. Really needed this! Thank you!

Is it just me or every infj used to be vocal about their judgement but had that one event that made them start reserving their comments

This is an interesting topic. To me, it looks like a balance between being honest and genuine with each group of people that we work with or hang out with (maybe both) and yet not sharing everything we do with one group when we're with the other. It's been my experience that I can be honest about myself without telling people everything. Sometimes what we talk about with one group of friends can be irrelevant to another group. I have several different groups - among them, people I work with, friends from my church, my family, and my circle of friends in general. A lot of what I talk about to one group has nothing to do with the people in the other group. I do my best to be honest with each one and not hide anything, but at the same time be prepared to give a truthful answer if necessary, or just simply tell them I'm not comfortable sharing some things. What I try to do is to communicate a sense of involvement with what they're saying as I listen to them. When I drop in my honest responses to what they're saying, it helps me to show them more about what I am like, and it often gets them to ask me questions about myself, which can help them find out more about what I'm really like. And yes, we INFJs can do this, and do it well,

INFJs always tend too be evolving. I use the concept private integration then public discourse. When we are faced with new scenarios, new options, new insights - we have to work out what is valid and relevant to our own identity and work. There are many things going on in the world, and we do not have to play every ball that is thrown our way. Also, we have to choose how we want to play that ball, if at all. So, we talk about and act on what we are confident or are sure we want in on the game, keeping our options open to respond to how others play. That is one thing about INFJs, we do not cartoon character and assume how others will interact or the choices they will make. We might have preferences, but we are detached enough to play the ball, watch how they respond, and then choose whether to continue the game and how. So sometimes that holding back is because we are not ready or sure if we want in on a game. Other times it is waiting to see if the other people want to play, and how, and then proceeding based on what has come to pass. There is another concept "It ain't manifest until it is manifest". A dream or hope is only a dream or hope until it comes to pass, if it does not come to pass it is just a fantasy or illusion, a possibility of what could have or might have been, but never came to fruition. We move on. The other thing is we are not holding back to control the agenda. An egomaniac who insists their reality comes as per their prescribed plan puts all the cards on the table and then demands they are fulfilled. We are more nurturing, we do not need to "control" people. Because we work in a fluidic possibilities way of seeing the world, not all our cards come into play, and not all cards are played in every game, and there are many games we simply decide not to participate because they are destructive and fruitless. In that sense, we are more mature. We know our potential, but do not need to exploit or use all of it all the time.

Thank you for rooting for us

We’re understanding yet misunderstood. 3:52 it’s natural for us to understand many things ; while other types do the same yet in their own way. We may think and or have proof our way is better per say, yet don’t want to push views on others. Yet want to help others… we’re backwards

People don't see us as one person, we're seen as they...

I was told this trait was wishy washy and it pissed me off because it's not my fault that others are so open with me about themselves. And the only reason I don't reveal my core is because people are afraid of it. It's rooted deep in Law.. law's of science, and of the land. It governs me

Wenzes you make this concept make more sense than one of my teachers from HS?!

This video is so ridiculously who I am

Basically INFJs should Learn from IxFPs

Wow. This was really really good. Thank you 🙏. You always help me grow

You are changing my life one video at a time. You're a blessing.

Someone once said to me I needed a warningsign. Maybe it should read strategisk.

This sounds like Enneagram 9 to me where we avoid conflict to keep connection and don't share what we really think & feel. Who can confirm what I'm thinking? :)

Yes! This is super relatable for me! All of your videos are 😺

THE ACE OF SPAYEDS! THE ACE OF SPAYEDS!

INFJs don't care about politics and we also care about being complimented hence validation from other people

We are told by GOD ALMIGHTY ... John 7:24 "Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment.” Do not apologize for discerning good versus evil and hold onto that which is good. 1 Thessalonians 5:21 "Test everything; retain what is good."

Great video 😃

Im totally fine now with people seeing me as different than what they initially think of me in case I do 'slip up'. Also I've come to the point of being ok with being enabling... it does makes people behave as who they really are... and you get to know of peoples intentions early on...but obviously it will be better to show up more in your more authentic self...

Only the truth can hurts me so much. Thank you, I feel less alone, now. I wrote this comment with google translate . It' s a good reason to be missunderstood 😉

This is the most accurate video so far. Amazed by your perception.

Nice that you talk about it. By my own experience, 'cause I'm a strange case of contradictions: A total metalhead, atheist but also non-sympathizer with modern ideologies, old-fashioned in my private life manners (even very traditional), having a normal job... potential target of criticism from all sides... The best way is to let everybody know JUST A BIT of every aspect of your life without being opinionated, so nobody gets scared when they see a side they don't know.

Very insightful..thank you .

Thank you 💜

Thank you so much. You are so awesome

Very Helpful..dropping TRUTH Thank You Show the world!!!

We are different because who we are .

I do love to observe

Yes we are the observers for sure

Lol. I take screen shots and keep emails

What about Myers Briggs being the labels we're all human and we do NEED other people I won't stop being social

Thank you for sharing dear! 🔥

So true.

SPOT ON!!!!!

Thanks for this amazing video ❤️

U r so on point 😊❤️🙏 thx

Always have a back up plan. /🏴‍☠️\

Hello, I'm using the automatic translator, because I'm Italian but I watch your videos because they are very precise on the details. Anyway I felt these ways many times, and I realized that I wanted to be defined by someone else. Because alone I felt indefinite. And I started to realize it. I am an Infj as preferences, but in various tests I have done, there is now an analogy. Ni remains the first function, Fi is more preferred than Fe. At a glance I have Ni in the first position ( ni and ne They are the most developed) Fe Low (fi and Fe, they are low and Fi is higher than Fe) Ti ( Ti Well developed, and Te Lower than TI) Se and Si Very low. Is it a consequence of disappointment with other people? Thanks

Yes I totally do but good looks also matter to us am I right?

Tell me who you love. I will tell you who you are.

Al hamde li Allah الحمد لله

@Wenzes 🤓 Can being unpredictable/peculiar/mysterious be "authentic"🤔??? #BigJokerCard Be BLESSED and Stay STRAPPED(with faith)🤠🤓😇👑

like your content

I'm you're huckleberry xd

❤️

😎

Yes you d not show much of youself