you can't breastfeed here 👀 r/AITA 

I'm confused as to why Reddit was so offended at the guy not wanting to accept the banana bread. Like I'm a sensitive person myself, but like people shouldnt be forced to accept food they don't like.

With the banana bread thing - another reason she should have cleared it with OP is that OP might have food allergies or insensitivities that would have prevented them from eating whatever she made. It sounds like OP DIDN’T have that issue, but the person making the banana bread had no way of knowing that ahead of time.

1979, my mum's firstborn was a baby, very easy, bouncy, baby boy. She was on a train, in one of those old-timey small carriages, with a stranger; a very prim and proper older man. So when Tom woke up and conveyed "it is now food time please", my mum said, awkwardly, "my baby needs to eat, so-" "Say no more." said the gent, got up, left the carriage... and stood guard. People wanting to go in, he stopped them, said "there's a lady feeding her child, she needs privacy" I'm glad we've moved on from that age. But even then, a good man knew it was his duty to bear the inconvenience, to provide the privacy that was then still deemed necessary. Nearly 45 years later: no excuse.

For that first one : I actually hate how everyone called them the drama for refusing something they didn't want, people have to right to refuse things. She didn't have to blow up over something like that, OP didn't want it so they politely decline. Forcing someone to take something they don't want isn't okay, simple as that. Edit : spelling

As I once said to my Aunt, it's the food I didn't like, I said no to, not her being a person I wanted to have a relationship with.

Breastfeeding. Baby needs feeding. Then baby gets fed. It's really simple. Baby's needs come before people's sense of propriety and constructed social niceties. You could always leave the room if you are offended by something so natural. If you can't separate breasts from their primary function and the sexualisation of boobs, then it's a you problem. I will die on this hill. lol

It's impolite to comment on people apperance, but in this situation there's another risk. Just imagine "I thought you were pregnant" - "I was. We lost the pregnancy". Aaaaand you're a giant AH in 2 seconds flat.

Breastfeeding: get over it dude it's 2024.

I’ve genuinely never understood when people associated “not wanting the food I made” with “not liking me”. I make food all the time to share with people, and sometimes it’s at a spur of the moment without me stopping to ask if said person liked x or if they had any food allergy to x. And if they said they didn’t want it, regardless of if they disclosed a reason or not, it’s like “cool, no worries. Oh hey, for the future what do you like?” Which makes for a nifty conversation starter. Hell, I know people who won’t eat anything prepared at someone else’s house or given by someone else in general due to hygienic reasons (had a coworker who outright would not participate in any potluck because she didn’t know if the people had pets and if they kept up the cleaning for said pets. Which is something that never even crossed my mind before until she mentioned it). Chances are, unless they explicitly say it is, it’s not about you.

I’m autistic and I just cannot fathom why you would lie over NOTHING. It’s bread. She can eat it herself, she can freeze it, she can give it to other people. If she wanted a guaranteed yes, she should’ve asked something the day before, or waited a few meals to make something. Based on the her reaction, I think we may understand why she is alone at lunch. Also, making something specifically for someone you just met once is WEIRD. Back off, that’s over eager and suggests a high level of neediness. But seriously, why lie? You don’t build friendships on lies. Stop the bullshit and just be HONEST with people. The more that people are honest, the less “weird” it’s going to feel. It’s like those polite refusals of offers of drinks at someone’s house, when you are actually supposed to no until the third offer. Why the hell is that a thing? Just say yes or no. Throw in a Please or Thank You to be your courteous dance.

Refusing food you don't want and didn't ask for doesn't make you an asshole. Being weird about breastfeeding does make you an asshole. She's right to avoid her dad during this time.

I'm wondering if the wife who won't clean hasn't ever learned how and might be embarrassed that she doesn't know how. It isn't as intuitive as people who are used to it think. Maybe the OP could offer some coaching while explaining that they won't be paying for a professional.

For the cleaner story: I'm almost wondering if the wife's need for a cleaner is based more in emotional/social needs rather than a physical need for things to be clean. My grandmother (who is blind) has a cleaner, and part of the reason she comes as often as she does is because the two of them are friends. If the wife feels a sort of famillial/platonic connection with this particular cleaner, then I think that could explain why she seems to be so upset about this, as well as explaining the need for the cleaner to come so often.

When it comes to cleaning, there is only ONE chore I refused to do. DISHES. And that's for two reasons: 1: I do all the cooking for my family. If I cook, you clean. And 2: When I was a kid, my step dad was a white-glover (meaning he would literally check how clean stuff was with a white glove) and he always made me do the dishes. EVERY DAY! Got a date on Saturday night and didnt get home till your 11pm curfew? Got an away game four counties over? Spending the night at a friends and wont be back till mid-day tomorrow? Tough Luck. You better believe those dishes were LEFT WAITING for me. So...eff doing the dishes.

For the last one: as someone with an autistic friend that I sometimes need to coach about social norms and what he should avoid saying, the sister is being the AH. My friend accidentally called someone fat. When I explained to him why he was being rude, he took it on the chin and said that while he didn't fully understand, he wouldn't do it again. No guilt-tripping, no gaslighting. Just a "sorry" to the person he offended and hasn't done it since. Sister clearly has never been called out before and needed it

We do separate laundry. I'm picky about how my clothes are washed. I always use cold water, I'm careful about which fabrics I put together (like no jeans with delicate fabrics ECT...) and have a lot of items I hang to dry. My partner has fewer delicate fabrics and puts everything in the dryer. She also sometimes uses high heat in the dryer when I only use the lowest heat setting. It's not reasonable for me to expect her to magically know all my rules for specific items in the wash.

For the first story: what if OP had allergies, and was just trying to be polite? Is OP then obligated to disclose that to "justify" not taking the bread?? Of course not! No means no. If someone politely declines to eat something you made them _without asking,_ you're not even an entitled to a reason why. Just accept the refusal and move on. OP is absolutely NTA.

Re: the partner who grew up with a cleaning service, if she's had that all her life, she may genuinely not know how to do basic cleaning with confidence. There may be an element of insecurity underneath the want, and she may need to be taught how to do laundry/sweep/mop etc. properly. Not being taught "basic skills" can be weird and difficult to confront as an adult. That being said, she needs to learn and understand that yeah, budgeting means if you can't afford a thing, you learn to live without it.

I wonder if the banana bread person was hoping that a romantic connection was happening? The putsize reaction suggests a bigger disapointment than just banana bread related.

Why would accepting the banana bread and giving it to someone else the first story be better? What if op gave it to someone the friend also knows and doesn't know the context and tells the friend? That would hurt more than just telling the truth.

Regarding the breast feeding.. I was worried about how weird it might be trying to breastfeed in front of even a nurse let alone my dad, who lives with us. After a day or 2 of adjustment absolutely no issues. I'd just whip a boob out, no stress. He didn't care, I didn't care, baby was fat and happy❤😂 I don't understand people who make it weird or uncomfortable when it doesn't have to be.

Banana bread: what if gf/intolerant of ingredients/got eating issues? I would never make food without knowing dietary needs/preferences first

4:09 no consent is a thing. If someone says no thank you then walk away she does not seem like somebody who will respect boundaries and if she won't respect the boundary over banana bread what other boundaries does she not respect?

Food pushers are the worst. No means no, regardless of the topic. If I say I don't want your food, I don't want it and I don't need to explain why. No is a complete answer.

I can't get over the fact that the woman came to his desk to give him banana bread that she wanted him to eat at lunch, why not just bring it at lunch then and offer it to him there?

For the cleaner story: I have bipolar disorder and when I get bipolar depressed. It's different from regular depression. It's hard to do dishes, make my bed, do my laundry, and even take a shower. You're just so deep in that depression. I would only justify getting a cleaner during that time if I can afford it, but since I can't I do my best. Otherwise I would never get a cleaner cuz I hate people touching my things.

The cleaning one doesn't make that much sense to me. Why do they have to clean so much, and why is this person doing all these chores despite the cleaning ladies coming the next day?

"Wow, how thoughtful of you!" is a great preface for refusal. I wanted a cleaner every other week and my husband didn't. We were both unable to keep the house as clean as we wanted, so he let me hire one. I'd never ask him to pay for it, though

My partner has suggested we get house cleaning, maybe twice a month, only to dust of and do the cleaning we cant.. We both have very low energy due to long covid, my partner works full time IT, and i don't work because i can't, so i basically take care of all cleaning in the house, but its a lot and having someone come, dust off and maybe washing the floor once in a while would be so good for me. But having someone come so often is excessive.. Especially when both people aren't working.. I do have low low energy, but i swing the vacuum once a week, i clean up all messes, wash all clothes and hang it to try and fold it, i collect trash, i load the dish washer, i buy groceries, water the flowers and basically do everything BUT dusting off as its too much work.. My partner makes food most days, and help with the trash, but he also works full time.

The last story. How is one needing to "grow up" and yet being "too serious?" Trying to DARVO so hard she's talking in circles.

I think the first one, he probably should've thanked her for the thought, then said no thank you. Addressing the kindness before rejecting the item may have helped.

I have a legitimate fear of food, eating is a whole thing for me, if someone got mad bc I wouldn't eat a foreign food from someone I just met I would literally be at a loss for words xD edot: people saying 'every sucks here' for that one is truly baffling

Seems to me, it's not really about the banana bread. She misunderstood his friendliness and wanted to progress further into a relationship. Him refusing the bread was (in her mind) actually a rejection of her as a potential partner. He's still NTAH.

Geez the comments under the 1st story is some kind of neurotipical bullshit I was not ready for. "yes you are the asshole, because you didn't lie and didn't pretend that you like something, you don't actually like, for the sake of who the fuck knows what, some very serfice level fake af relationships, because the woman can't stand someone saying no to her" wtf?

Congrats to the new song. 🎶 Late diagnosed ADHD here. I never understood the concept of polite lying. It creates so many issues and you have to remember all your lies. Yeah I'm sometimes rude but when I give a compliment people know that I mean it and if friends don't want an honest opinion they do not ask. Also what is it with the covering up of mums who feed their babies. It is the most normal thing in the world people (to feed a baby not to cover up 😇), if you don't like it look in the other direction.

#3 OP does their own chores when they had a maid come in every other day? Sounds like the wife liked the status and ability to get her area seen to. Doesn't sound like OP was getting much benefit from this at all.

I love baking. I frequently make banana bread. It takes a little over an hour in the oven. I’d be scared of banana bread that took hours. Also if I’m baking for someone I try to know what they like or can eat. Say if I was baking for my friend I’d make sure it was vegan and if I had a new friend I would ask what kind of things they liked. Or I would have an ingredient list in case. Also getting a little hurt is fine but calling the person an ahole for not liking a food is not

This bananabread story is soo similar to the tea consent campaign!

The first one, exactly, if you accept the first banana bread and say omg this is delicious this is how you end up with a lot of banana bread for the rest of your friendship.

It's quite hypocritical to get upset about something someone says to you while simultaneously not allowing themto express that they're upset about something you said to them, lol, especially if the thing you're upset about is that someone else complained about your words being upsetting. Wow, that got circular/meta kinda quickly.

First one - if it took her "hours" to make banana bread she doesn't know what she's doing, and it's not safe to eat it. Also NTA. I think she came to strongly, should have give it a week or so.

on the note of laundry: i always fond it interesting how many variances households have for their individual laundry. growing up, everyone's laundry was done together, mainly because it was very easy to distinguish who's things where who's based on size and style. my brother and i have a 7 year age gap and we grew up with a single mother so, everyone's laundry was obvious to sort. fast forward to now: each member of my household does their own laundry and we keep our things separate because 3/4 of us wear the same underwear type and we all have the same basic fashion (jeans and t-shirts) and two of us are similarly sized. it's a pain to look at sizes when sorting through things. keeping everything separated just makes things easier for everyone to keep track of their own things and not have accidental mix ups. nothing like thinking you're ready to walk out the door, only to realize your shirt is 3 sizes too large or you underwear feel a little awkward because they're your teenage son's.

What kind of company does the first person work at where you can't find out where one of your colleagues' office cubicle is?

OK about the first thing: I have a similar story. I once baked too much brownie and brought some of it to my neighbor with whom I had made small talk here and there. I rang her bell, offered some brownie, she said no thank you, and closed the door in my face. I must say I felt pretty rejected and it cooled down that relationship and I didn't even cook this dish for my neighbor the way the person in the post did so the feeling ofrejection must have been even harder. Obviously this was a surprise, and this lady hoped that OP likes banana bread and that they could enjoy together. She meant well and did a nice gesture for this work colleague. Maybe she would have fell less silly if the other person acknowledged the gesture - there is a difference from a perfunctory "no thanks, I don't like banana bread" and leave it there to "that is such a beautiful gesture! Thank you so much! Ooh but I'm so sorry, banana bread is not my thing at all. But gosh thank you, so nice!"

#1 NTA - the coworker should have said something like "I qas thinking of making some banana bread, would you like some" #2 NTA- for obvious reasons #3 NTA- they should go back to twice a month for rhe cleaners, which would drop the cost from approximately $750 a month to around $100-$150, which the wife could presumably afford. They could do moderate cleaning in between. I've never had cleaners fwtw. #4 NTA- if someone is pregnant they will probably tell you, if they feel you need to know."It's okay to be wrong," is something everyone needs to hear.

Dude, the 30yo sisters retort made me think of talking to my 7yo foster kid.

For the banana bread one, info: did they TELL her that they don't like banana bread OR did they just reject it without telling her? I feel like a reason is good to say amd it's not really a massive private issue so I would've straight up said I dislike banana bread. Perhaps she thought they were just straight up rejecting it? She still shouldn't have resorted to name calling anyone can reject something if they so please. I always make it abundantly clear what things I dislike. Like lots of types of cakes. To be clear I like the taste and look of cake however they make me sick alot of the time probably because of the overly sugared frostings and my minor allergy to eggs. So I will either not eat cake or take a small sliver of cake cause a little won't usually cause any issue. Also perhaps it was her first time making banana bread, I dislike people who think it's just so easy to make things you may not make ever or all the time. It usually does take me alot of time to bake something for the first time or I mess up a step. Baking really isn't that hard when you practice it, but being new to doing it is full of mess ups and time wasters.

I will sometimes comment on people's experience in a way not linked to self expression. But it's more like "you look radiant today " or "I can see the benefit of that vacation on your face, you look fantastic" or "you seem more relaxed today, feeling better ?" If I know they've been going though tough times.

This might be an unpopular opinion, but it seems to me that if the extent of your relationship to someone is that you ate lunch at work with them a handful of times, then tracking down their cubicle to give them baked goods is kind of overstepping boundaries.

The first story has the same vibe as the video using tea as a metaphor for consent.

My husband (38M) & I (37F) have both a joint & seperate laundry. His work clothes get their own wash to avoid contaminating everything else. I also use cloth wipes with my bidet - we agreed those would be washed in bulk separately on hot to keep him from feeling yucky. The rest of cleaning, yeah we hate. But allocate who does what (I'll vacuum, but he'll empty due to my allergies) (I do the bedding cuz I'm nutty about the lines) (he'll more often take trash out, cuz I set up recycling & dishwasher). So yeah, no good reason to have a cleaner when you're having financial hardships, & maybe they're separating things fort more than growing up with a cleaner. Sounds like it's time for a grown up chat 🎉

The story about the coworker with the banana bread: not taking "no" as an answer is a bit of a red flag.

As someone who breastfed my first son for 2.5 years and is currently breastfeeding my second son (7 months and counting), I can’t tell you all the random places I’ve had to whip out a boob, and thankfully no one has ever made it weird. I can’t believe OP’s dad is being such a jerk about it. 🙄

any time I've made banana bread or anything else I offer to people and ask if they're interested FIRST.

My first thought about food from people you don't know very well: I have tons of food allergies. I don't eat stuff from others. Buffets and pot lucks are roulette to me. I understand the "trying to be nice/kind" part of things, but if I were to accept that one banana bread, then who knows if it would become a weekly thing? And then I'd end up with a bunch of banana bread that I couldn't eat, or whoever I was giving it to would ask me to please stop. Whole new can of worms! Just politely say no, if they want to get in a huff about it, that's their problem. They should have asked first. Sometimes not all surprises are good ones even though they meant well.

1. NTA, consent doesn't only matter in the bedroom 2. NTA, does he want you to starve the poor thing? 3. NTA, your wife needs to learn personal responsibility 4. NTA, as a neurodivergent person I tend to say the wrong thing as well, you know what you do then? Just say sorry and don't say it again

On the final story, it’s also important to realize that body issues can be very serious for some people. The sister may not know about past anorexia or bulimia or body dysmorphia. Saying “don’t take it so seriously” is forgetting that body issues can have real consequences and words can hurt in ways we don’t anticipate.

Making baked goods for one person in a workplace is odd to me, banana bread is by its nature shareable. She could've offered it around to her immediate coworkers, and saved a slice for the new friend on the other floor at lunchtime, if they wanted.

I have a housekeeper once a week who is relatively inexpensive AND I STILL CLEAN UP. In order for her to spend her time well I make sure the floor is free so she can vacuum better. I make sure all the dishes are in the kitchen and that I have put away the clean clothes. What I'm saying is, it's pretty ridiculous to have everything done by a housekeeper. It just makes no sense. And to be stressed out by cleaning? Girl you need to get over yourself, if you've never learned now is a great time

OMG NEW SONG I CANT WAITTTTT 🎉🎉🎉🎉

Ahhh I've never been here this early. I'm excited to watch this today after a very rough month. Can't wait to listen to the new songs!!

Story 3: I’m almost speechless. That’s a lot of cleaning! Not the drama. Given how much OP does, what is the cleaner actually doing?

I think the brother in the last one did the perfect thing. I would have thought he was the asshole if he attacked her after saying it. I’m autistic and sometimes social norms go right over my head. It was incredibly kind and understanding of the brother to text the sister and gently explain. I also understand the sisters defensive reaction because when i have been in situations where I say the wrong thing i used to feel immediate embarrassment and self hatred because somthing that should have been obvious was not to me. I used to get defensive and abrasive so cover up the shame I felt. Over all brother is not the drama but I do understand the sisters reaction and don’t think she is a bad person.

$190 a week for cleaning is like half my MONTHLY rent! Even when I was living in the most expensive place I've ever lived in with a sea view and my own bathroom, it was still only £120 a week!

*One of my babies (now 23 years old) had a hard time nursing. We did our best, and I fed him whenever and wherever he was hungry. (Years later, we realized there had been a medical reason for the difficulties, but he's okay now.) *Having cleaner come to the home is a luxury, regardless whether or not it feels like one. Sorry, but she's spoiled. I grew up with people cleaning our house, but I can't imagine wasting money on that. I should also add that while I was married (for 18 years) I did almost all of the housework. *Whoever you are, reading this, have a beautiful day/night! 🙏❤🏳‍🌈🏳‍⚧🟦

I spend today sick in bed, this litterally made my day so much better ❤

The cleaner story… They made a deal that she would pay for it herself because she wanted it (and because probably doesn’t know how to clean at all). That was the deal. It was clear and her now wanting OP to pay for it is… she’s making excuses to get OP to pay for it (feels like it).

I can see where reddit is comeing from on the banana bread story, but I agree they were a bit too harsh on the guy. Personally, I probably would have said something like, "Oh, thank you so much for thinking of me! Actually, I am normally not the biggest fan of banana bread, but I would be happy to try it." It gives the other person an out to recind their offer, but, if they still accept, knowing that you don’t like banana bread means their expectations can be set as to your reaction upon tasteing it. It also in a way acknowledges their hard work and that you appreciate the thought of them makeing something for you. Lady was still ultimately the drama, because who responds that way? But, I do think there were slightly better options the dude could have done.

First story - unless OP is allergic to bananas, just say how appreciative you are that she went to all that effort & that you don’t usually like banana bread but that you!d be glad to try it with her at lunch…in other words, be tactful but honest.

My husband and I do our laundry separately, other than towels and bedding. We both are set in our ways of how we want our laundry done. I even offered to help him fold once when I first moved in and he very sternly told me no.

It is really unfortunate to me, the number of guys who don’t realize how judging a woman for breastfeeding normalizes her body being defined only by his enjoyment or discomfort. Plenty of moms struggle with their bodies being objectified during pregnancy and breastfeeding, and then even when they try to focus on doing what’s best for the baby they have to consider at all times if there’s a man in their vicinity whose discomfort weighs more heavily than her infant’s basic need. And the social stigma there is such a norm for society. 😓

I just made banana bread. It took an hour to bake. Not HOURS, plural

The earliest I've ever been! 15 minutes isn't ultra fast, but faster than the 19 minutes of Jamie's last video.

Forcing someone to eat something they don't want to will cause the opposite effect. I would know my brother forced me to eat a grape and ever since I've had issues with eating fruits

in regards to the last post and the comment "dont tale it so seriously", this and sentenses like "dont take everythingso personaly" are phrases that I've heard waaayyy to many times by the people who bullied me in middle school everytime something happened, like people excluding me on purpose or makeng rude comments in the open or bedind my back, everyone including the teachers always told me exactly that, aka completely gaslighting me about what was going on, to the point, where I seriously started doubting my view on reality and started to entirely neglect my boundaries (it's getting better now since I'm away from those people and I'm incredibly grateful for a now friend of mine, who at some point confessed to me that Iwas indeed right about what was going on and everyone was just gaslighting me) I'm not saying that's the extend the sister takes it to here, it's just an example of how hurtful phrases like this can be and the amount of damage they can do if used repeatedly on the wrong person

I have wicked allergies and ADHD. I'd love to have a house cleaner come by once in awhile, but its just not an option right now.

I'm a breastfeeding mom. If you have a problem with me breastfeeding you either have a problem with me or with my child, who usually comes with me. So no I'm not coming.

For the banana bread one: OP is NTA because she decided to make something without knowing if OP liked it, had a texture issue, had food allergy, or had a food intolerance. You can't force someone to eat something they don't want to eat nor is it okay to get upset when they say no to wanting to eat something. Also I would also like to point out that even if OP didn't have any issues & as fine with banana bread she should have talked to them about it before spending the time to make it & then surprise them with it

We had to stop paying for cleaner we could only afford through PIP. My partner has a physical disability and I have adhd which makes me naturally messy and struggle to remember housework. Yet we couldn't afford it, so I have to do it ! It's worth it in the long run to have a clean house 😸

I love how you chose to title the video “you can’t breastfeed here” but the thumbnail says “forcefed banana bread” and my mind went “WAIT is this about some Karen being upset about a woman breastfeeding in public so she insists that the baby eats her homemade banana bread instead??” 😂

29:45 This is exactly why I love my current partner so much. I grew up with a pretty awful “friend group” who would never say no to me and ended up validating a ton of extremely unfair mindsets and biases I had. After all those years, my partner is the first who’s actually been bringing attention to my biases when they come up and helping me recognize that they’re unhealthy to me and the people around me. Settling for a yes man is the worst thing you could do because it means you won’t be able to better yourself; find yourself a partner or friends who are willing to call out your BS!

Story 1: so confused at Reddit attacking OP here. It’s not rude to be honest unless honesty is unnecessary, unwarranted and hurtful? It was necessary and warranted because OP was being forced to do something they don’t want to do which literally what non consensual means! You should never force someone to eat something just to please someone else’s feelings! Why is Op eating the bread necessary in her mind? Like huh? Biggest red flag to say away from this woman in the future in my opinion. It’s on her she wasted her time cause she didn’t ask first

I understand your point for the first one, and in an ideal world, what OP did would be acceptable, but in the culture of gift giving, turning it down seems ungrateful (maybe Americans employ more white lies to spare people's feelings? Then again, I remember having to accept gifts I didn't like when I lived in Scotland too). My point is, while this was straightforward to you, I wasn't surprised when some of the forum didn't agree with you. I maybe would've tried it but mentioned other treats I actually like so she would have better ideas in the future? Also, doesn't bread dough have to proof for hours, or is banana bread different?

How did men think babies were feed before formula was developed?

As a disabled person, getting a cleaner in for my apartment is one of the first things I'll do once I get established in my career. I know I can't afford to have one now, so I have to be compassionate to myself and keep things as clean as I reasonably can now.

Thank you Shaaba for reminding me to cut my nails. I have my first day at a new job tomorrow, but yesterday one of my (pretty long) nails broke off while climbing in a tree-climbing park, so a touch-up is needed lol.

I have offered coworkers home-made treats and they said thanks but no thanks, it's not their thing. I had to think about it because I barely remember BECAUSE IT DIDN'T MATTER.

First thought for the first story: "oh honey, it is not about the banana bread"

My husband and I have separate laundry because he works construction and I don't want that residue and the inevitable forgotten tools and screws in the machine with my clothes.

Wow, this one brought up so many feelings for me I didn’t even realize I still had, lol, thanks to past experiences with someone who thankfully is no longer in my life anymore but caused me a lot of trauma when they were. Long story short they were hired as a house cleaner for both my parents and family friends for a few years before they became the family friends’ nanny when they had kids and I eventually went on to work with them helping them to take care of the family friends five kids but they ended up verbally abusing me, gaslighting me, manipulating me, and getting very narcissistic with a victim hood complex before being fired by our family friends who were tired of dealing with them and their drama. So I not only have issues with them from when they would clean our house, but also from when I worked with them, so having house cleaners and dramatic coworkers is kind of triggering for me and heightens my anxiety as a result.

#1 - The girl totally wanted to be more than friends. She felt let down. I do *not* think it's okay to accept it, as that would give her the wrong idea. I want to say NAH, except that her reaction to your no thank you was out of proportion. #2 - NTA, mostly. Wait, back up, this dad who's criticizing BFing-- how were his kids fed?! Okay, fine, I guess he's from a generation when formula was really pushed on parents. But formula is super expensive, and there have been shortages. This dad needs to get his head out of his arse and tell himself that even though he's not comfortable see his daughter's breasts, it's only in the context of feeding the baby, and he can look away or leave the room. BFing reallllllyyy hard when you're new to it, and there are a lot of variables that can make getting situated even harder. Baby has to learn how to do it right, too. OP has the right to stay home with baby until she can be treated with respect, allowed to feed her child comfortably, and baby can latch on properly. Maybe don't stay away for a full year, but do set the boundaries that you need. #3 - NTA. The wife needs to accept that they have less money and need to live within their means. She needs to accept responsibility and clean up her own messes. Maybe make less of a mess. And for goodness's sake, don't have kids with her if she can't handle cleaning. Kids are beyond messy, and I can see her expecting a nanny and even more cleaning. If you can afford it, fine, but in this situation, no. #4 - NTA OP clued his sister in, and that's fine.

I love the flower tat. I don't know if I've seen it/noticed it before, but it's lovely :) I hope you're well xx

In the first one, I would've been upset as the person with the banana bread if he had been really rude about it, but since none of us were there and tone does not translate to text, we cannot know for certain and politely declining is always okay. I definitely would've made sure to tell her that I appreciate the gesture a lot, but that I just don't like banana bread. I do think it's a good policy to try food you haven't eaten in a while again to see if you like it now, but that should never be an obligation. Giving people food is always a risk if you don't know them well. There's allergies and intolerances, people who are vegan, vegetarian or on a diet that's really important to them, some people fast for religious or other reasons, someone might have an eating disorder, and yes, sometimes people just don't like something. If I'm making something specifically for someone as a gift, I'll make sure I know beforehand if they would actually be able and like to eat it. Sometimes I make food and offer to share it and sometimes people say yes and sometimes they say no - both reactions are always fine!

One Saturday morning I woke early at my best friend’s house with epic cramps. I called my dad and he came to pick me up. When we got home he grabbed me a hot water bottle while I foiled pain killers. 🥰

Legit about the nipple shield! The LC and midwife demonized them! But when i tell you it fixed our latching issues instantly!! We struggled for over a month. It was exhausting/frustrating/crushing. Tried the nipple shield and it was magic! We used it for about a month, then she just learned to latch and we were fine. But try it if you're struggling! It doesn't cause "nipple confusion" .

i don't remember ever being this early but these videos always make my mondays

For the one about the cleaners I think we'd need more info personally. As someone with executive dysfunction I can honestly say sometimes the most basic things are mountains for us. I genuinely have weeks to months go by where I cannot do cleaning tasks and if I had the funds a cleaner would greatly help and reduce my mental load. We don't have the funds so I just kinda suffer and have to have it weighting on me most days. It sucks and a mess makes executive dysfunction worse. If the wife is Neurodivergent I don't think it's necessarily possible or healthy to just say clean your own stuff up full send or suffer. In my opinion there needs to be a compromise here. Rather than cutting it off cold turkey which is a bit cruel especially if she's going to be learning to do things herself reduce it. Go from how often it is now to much more sparse. There should also be some onus on the spouse that hey you have to help not even in terms of the task but support and guide and help when she feels she can't or to share the responsibilities. Independence is great but if you're in a relationship and have a house it should feel like a team. Obviously we have no information on the wife's side and the spouse's responsibility sharing so there's not enough to go off of. Also, the spouse equated to a childhood thing but never went deeper which leads me to suspect that they have not discussed this in depth and this is their own conclusion they came to without looking deeply because it's "unusual". Reducing it slowly, helping the wife and talking to her about her needs, finding what she hates and how to circumvent that are all things to do and eventually you can get her cleaner cost to get smaller and smaller. Not understanding why is not a reason to remove support. If not the cleaner it'll have to come from somewhere so it'll have to be the spouse. In terms of support it could be as easy as don't like getting their hands dirty so buying washable gloves for cleaning. Or executive dysfunction so cleaning together or making it fun or a game. There's plenty of strategies but it takes time and conscious learning and won't be overnight. Not all disabilities are physical and the able bodied comment could be misleading as well. If she has a hobby room that's constantly being cleaned that sounds Neurodivergent creative workspace to me and often it being cleaned for you is such a boon. She can learn and do it herself sure but if that expends all her energy to just get it cleaned she will either stop or it'll be unhealthy for her mental. Anyways my take is this feels like it might be misleading and have more to it than just parents did it. She might have considered it before and has tried to do things and struggled or failed alone. From the spouses words it feels they have their responsibilities so split that if she's struggling she just has to wait for the cleaner to save her. Neurodivergent people need support it's unavoidable, some more than others and everyone needs different support. I think the kind thing to do would be trying to talk about it and easing into a new pattern rather than throwing her life into chaos and disarray and leaving her to not only figure it out herself but also dealing with her career and retail. I get it 190 is a lot and they come quite frequently. You don't make anyone stop anything cold turkey tho. Ease it down. There should have been a conversation that we need to reduce the cleaners time and find ways to shift there responsibility how do you think we can do that. What can you do or feel confident about? Likely mine is a different take but I've just seen this pattern way too much in Neurodivergence and people saying just get over it and just do it when it's taking every fiber of my being to even get there. It's invisible to everyone but the one dealing with it. ADHD and Autistic paralysis sucks. Love the vids as always Shaaba, I'm glad I found you through Jammie and I do really love that you have a cool head for most of these and really try and empathize.

Both me and my sister are Autistic, i can sometimes be a little blunt and direct, when people ask me my opinion they get it raw and unfiltered, but i am aware and working on that. My sister is the type who could comment on someones body like that, and not understand why its rude - we have told her SO many times that she should not do that as it can be extremely hurtful for the person you make the comment about, and she just dosen't realize in the moment that it might be a thought best kept to oneself, and she does see why its not so nice to say stuff like that. If we correct her she just go "oh yea right, shit.." She is worse then me, with being direct but she can also sometimes say it in a very hurtful way an tone, because she doesn't think about her tone of voice haha! People should be able to take criticism like that and at least say "oh sorry, i will try my best not to say or do that again!"

i'm disabled and have a housekeeper come in every other week because i literally can't do the cleaning they do (scrubbing floors and such). i cannot even fathom having someone come in every other day. like....how messy are you.....? i do my own dishes (mostly) and laundry. it may take me a while, but i don't expect even paid helpers to do it for me.

About the judging other expenses: I once heard a friend talk about he spend 1000€ on manga and comic books in one sitting. It absolutely flabbergasted me. I would never do that. But then again, I do not care for manga and am a student in university with a part time job. He is in his 30s with a fulltime job and single/no kids. So while just the thought of it stresses me out so much, it's not my place to say anything and I didn't. Same holds for another friend who spends all her money on (in my opinion really expensive) manga figurines (80€/figurine). But then again, she has a fulltime job, is able to pay her rent and food and apparently little manga figurines make her happy, so what does it matter to me. We can be shocked and still know our place