You've Hidden Your Feelings For Long Enough. How to Heal Your Freeze Response

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Fight, flight, freeze, fawn: These are four trauma responses common in people who were abused or neglected in childhood, and they once served to help you survive. Freezing is the tendency to go silent, to be passive, and to give up any resistance to the negative actions and words of those who hurt you. If this goes unhealed into adulthood, it can rob you of an any clarity about who you are, what you want, and what you DON'T want.... until one day the truth comes crashing out. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who was disowned by her parents for getting pregnant in her teens. After years in a hollow, abusive marriage, she has finally found love, but explosions of suppressed emotions and wishes are wrecking everything. Hear my advice for recovering from her freeze response and preparing to show up authentically for her life.
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Опубликовано:

27 апр 2023

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Комментарии : 386

@lindadodson1586 Год назад

I have been working on myself for a long time, and I've healed a lot. But there was always something that eluded my best efforts to improve. Your videos have been like the missing pieces of the puzzle. I realized I don't freeze up like I used to. But there are times I still do--usually when it involves me doing something or making a decision as a responsible adult. It's then I shut down and wait for someone to come in and take care of things for me. And, of course, no one does, so eventually I have to force myself to act.

@lizsantillan6300 Год назад

Can totally RELATE 😢

@leaburns9599 4 месяца назад

❤ 😊 *** Thank you 😊 🙏 ☺ ❤ 😘 😅 for your most Wonderful 👏 ❤ 💖 Enlightening * Educational * Informative Video 📹 ♥! It is doing me much GOOD.

@leaburns9599 4 месяца назад

❤ 😊 *** C'est la vie ♥ * 😊 * this is the Way of 😊 Life 😊!

@Corteum Месяц назад

Have you ever been able to meditator at all? Like, can your mind be completely still for more than say 30 seconds, without dozing off, or getting distracted?

@rockjockchick Год назад

Caitlin, if a guy is asking for half your house before he has asked you yo marry him that is a HUGE flaming red flag.

@ilikemaline Год назад

This is still such a big problem, when mental health workers tell people to talk and try to heal the toxic relationships with their parents when it's the most damaging and triggering experience. My therapist shamed me for being done with my mother. Like I was the one who went too far after she emotionally abused me all my life at every chance she got. I love reading Alice Miller, she gave me the freedom to say my parents are the worst and I don't need to carry any of the shame or guilt because it's not mine.

@darn6129 Год назад

I notice the mental health workers, you talk about in this context, are often victims of abuse themselves and have had rose colored lenses to view their abuse as something else like a hurdle that can be jumped over. But constant hurdles. They intellectualize their own abuse so they are removed and seek other victims that are like them and then just shame them. There's cognitive dissonance.

@lavd7932 Год назад

Yeah for real. Facing someone who hurt me and telling them how I felt / explaining the damage they have done has literally never turned out well. It just causes drama 2.0 and then you have to comfort them all over again to protect their feelings. 😑 and they usually go tell everyone in the family how dramatic you are. Its almost more traumatizing then the original experience.

@ilikemaline Год назад

@@lavd7932 my mother always has and still does talk shit about me behind my back to my relatives, playing the victim. Like what kind of person does that, plus it's such a deep betrayal, a good parent would never do that to their children. So more people can shame and guilt-trip you. It's sick.

@lavd7932 Год назад

@@ilikemaline I can relate, I’m so sorry. It’s a terrible thing to try and process, why the person who should’ve loved us the most causes us the most pain. 💔

@ilikemaline Год назад

@@lavd7932 I'm sorry you can relate.💔 It took me years of therapy to get over that, I don't consider my mother as part of my life anymore and I am so much better of for it. I still have lots of work to do because of all the trauma I have mostly because of her but all I can do is be patient and kind to myself. I do what is good for me and put myself first.

@designchik Год назад

God, Caitlin, PLEASE don’t put him on the title of your house! It’s WAY too soon, and there is something that feels very off. Please err on the side of caution here. ❤

@wordivore Год назад

Yeah that sent up a red flag for me. And so did what he said to her when it came to the issues with her mother. Like he went into therapist mode. I don't think I could date a therapist.

@designchik Год назад

@@wordivore Totally agree. One of my best friends became a therapist, and it became tedious when she began analysing virtually everything I said. There is something off with this dude.

@Trendspottify Год назад

I felt the same. Six months into a relationship? It appears as if he was rushing in and acting all nice before he shows his true colors. Interesting that he misinterpreted her words when she mentioned the „prison“. Could it be that he heard that before and therefore „flipped“? I would run for my life from this man. She deserves better. All the best!! ❤

@flutingaround Год назад

yes, it comes off like he's in the relationship for his own financial interest. Huge red flag.

@jackdeniston59 Год назад

For sure, set theman free of your selfish selfishness. He is a human being, not a thing to be used.

@margaretc5679 Год назад

One of the most damaging side effects of CPTSD is that, while we're identifying and healing our past traumas, we are blind to the vertitable stadiums full of red flags others are waving. Mark has his own issues! Wishing you the best, Caitlin. You've come so far, and you deserve peace and happiness!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

Agreed! -Cara@TeamFairy

@Him_He_Me 9 месяцев назад

Yep l have stadiums. lm still doing stupid things, and lm almost 60. A while ago l did something l never ever thought l'd do. What is happening to me?

@kimmccaleb4170 2 месяца назад

In short... you are healthier than this Mark fellow... "mi casa es NOT su casa" in this case! You dodged a bullet! Bye Mark. Caitlin deserves so much more!

@fiction589 Год назад

The writer has every right in the world to just live her life now for some years, without any marc, bob or joe inteferring with her healing, get half of her house or trying to nail her down and pressure her into the second marriage. It is soooo lovely to learn: I can be on my own! I am allowed to be my own person!! Finally I can be free as a bird !! Really it sounds like it's time for that. 💚

@93rp1 Год назад

Love this. Fiction bearing fact, lol! You rock.

@tulip5210 Год назад

Im so tired of not being myself of just hiding and not speaking what i think even if it causes problems. Im so tired.

@janettewong9900 Год назад

As my MiL says: “when men are older, they’re looking for a nurse or a purse”

@lkd06 Год назад

a nurse WITH a purse

@carolynmurphy3697 Год назад

Lol 😂

@gothkid1011369 Год назад

Are you OK? She doesn’t sound like she makes life easy. And she raised your spouse?? 👁️👄👁️

@berlymahn Год назад

not looking for either. I just need a rock. A big rock. So I can crawl under it and rest. Everything about this life exhausts me. I need a break. A long break.

@hilderoseevans5142 2 месяца назад

@@lkd06😂😂😂

@Anjali-wy9mr Год назад

Feels like Mark is rushing into this relationship, not sure if he is wounded or just manipulative and controlling. If she gives herself enough time, I believe she will be able to move past him.

@Humanoice Год назад

Its because he is anxious. Read my comment and search from youtube anxious avoidant trap. He isnt the bad guy here but he has his own wounds. Both of them has their wounds. Very easy to understand when you look coach Craig Kenneth work. He talks a lot about this attachment style thing.

@neagualinnarcis3423 Год назад

Aproach avoidant attachment style creates intermitent reinforcement and then trauma bonding.

@Humanoice Год назад

@@neagualinnarcis3423 yes, exactly Mark was getting hurt here. So he was trying to get Security. I would bet according to fairy response she is also avoidant thats why she can only relate to her experience. If she took the test I think she would get the avoidant attachment style result.

@neagualinnarcis3423 Год назад

@@Humanoice too often it is a "dance macabre"

@Humanoice Год назад

@@neagualinnarcis3423 Yeah sadly I know that by experience.😕

@jameskrise4754 Год назад

Nothing worse than having someone come into your life and tell you how you should handle the relationship with your shitty parents. It’s just continued gaslighting. I hate dating for this reason. I feel intense pressure to explain why I don’t talk to my family to someone who can never understand. I feel judged and like I’ll never be able to connect with anyone because of this.

@NatalieZii Год назад

I also don’t talk to some members of my family (father included) but most friends I’ve had have been understanding. I wouldn’t give up hope. I think anyone logical can understand that just because they’re family doesn’t mean they’re not abusive or toxic to you.

@danitiwa Год назад

If they don’t understand or shame you, it’s a “they problem” not a “you problem”

@JJones-nr2pl Год назад

I had a shrink blaming my "mental illness" on my father who was now dead. Behavior is LEARNED, NOT INHERITED. My narc "mother" was never blamed or examined and got away with all the massive abuses she inflicted on my dad and I through the years. A real Covert sneaky lying, cheating and stealing bitch!!!!!👿👿👿👿👿

@melanieinthecity 10 месяцев назад

❤❤❤

@carolshannon6449 3 месяца назад

There are lots of people who have this also, who will understand. Also, if ever you meet someone who understands even though it isn't their experience, you will know that this person may be good to have a relationship with because they have empathy. Don't give up, just up your standards. You deserve someone who understands and supports you.

@greyladydamiana Год назад

Mark triggered a flight response when he suggested moving in together and getting half of her house. It’s so far in the extreme for a six month period, especially coming out of an abusive relationship, but then to want to run off and join an ashram is a huge and extreme reaction. It’s escapism. It is trauma-based dysregulation. But completely understandable considering

@friendofswaruu7769 Год назад

I also think her saying that was an indirect way of telling him to “back off!” I may have said things like that before myself as an unplanned knee jerk response and a form of protection in the moment.

@thecommonsensecapricorn Год назад

I got Pete Walker’s book on CPTSD because of you and I wholeheartedly related to the Freeze type, when it said “the lost child” oof. I took the brunt of my dads abusive because my sisters had friends and would just stay out of the house but I was too young to at the height of my dads alcoholism. My needs have never been validated and I finally have grown enough to know they should be. My current boyfriend much like my ex sounds a lot like this guy. So many unreasonable expectations, so fast. My boyfriend feels hurt that I don’t want to move in with him, and he’s been feeling that way for months! Then he starts berating me about how I’m not as into him as he’s into me. I have absolutely exploded at him at times because I feel so disrespected, but then of course I’m staying because of my abandonment melange. This was very affirming for me to watch - to know that I have every right to move slowly and cautiously, and if that makes him insecure, so be it. That doesn’t mean I’m intentionally hurting him or doing anything wrong.

@Captain_MonsterFart Год назад

Nothing worse the sulky guys!

@bubblysingh75 Год назад

Hii

@NatalieZii Год назад

I really recommend the book How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk too. The author goes into why the best and most healthy relationships come out of people moving slowly and not just idealizing each other. Great book for insecure attachments that’s really helped me stop being the one who wants to dive into things.

@Heyu7her3 Год назад

Oh wow, hmm. Have you expressed your own expectations when it comes to moving in (if you even do that)?

@mastersemmy59 Год назад

I do that a lot. It's from being systematically tortured with sleep deprivation. "Deer in the headlights" and can't even think how to respond, even when there's no imminent danger.

@SurferChick11 4 месяца назад

Flat Affect...Years go by & I'm still sitting here trying to clean the 🏡 so I can try & get outta the 🏡 & get a Routine like Swimming & attending Church but there's just too many Antagonists when I do get out of the 🏡

@angelicbaby92 Год назад

Honestly, after I heard the whole story in the beginning, I thought that she was putting too much blame and responsibility on herself and that her most recent partner has a bunch of issues. If he wants to marry her, that comes with having an ex and especially after 23 years. I feel like it's this guy is gas-lighting himself and her on accident.and without knowing. And she's feeling guilty, anxious, and ashamed. I truly feel he was love bombing. She doesn't realize this now but I bet this guy wouldn't make her too happy either. Choose to find someone who's okay with her having a past and is confident within himself. This recent guy clearly isn't, spiritual teacher or not. To me, whenever a guy pushes for a fast loving relationship, that is a red flag. And he doesn't get what he wants from her, he drops her? That is not marriage material. Lady, if you ever read this, you need to understand your self worth. Work on yourself more, because it is clear with the way this guy was controlling you and the relationship, that you don't have enough self esteem and self love to control your own life and get what you truly want (and if you get to this point one day, you probably won't want this recent guy either).

@robinhowells159 Год назад

You just nailed it!

@brendamoon2660 Год назад

Whoa I think her freeze response got triggered because this guy is bad news.

@stacyjaye6350 Год назад

I've been the person who has fallen in love with someone that isn't over their ex. IT SUCKS!!

@deirdredonovan1083 Год назад

Caitlyn, I’m happy you wrote to Anna about your situation. It’s so valuable for anyone listening to hear her insightful, kind, and steady guidance ❤

@raydziesinski7165 Год назад

Tremendous level of perspective, Fairy. Wisdom born of pain. It is true that cresting 50 or 60 years somehow gives context. Hang in there all ‘Fairy Followers’.

@ai-scottberry-411 Год назад

My mom was pregnant with me when she was 14 with me and my dad was 17 and went into the military. He was in basic training when I was born. My mom went through the same situation. My dad ended up with custody with me. I forgave my mom cause I know it wasn't her fault she was so young and powerless and my dad was stronger because the military shaped him. That's why I have CPTSD cause I was raised as if I was in the military and was hard on me . I didn't have the proper childhood.. But it did give me a great work ethic and mad me strong and be able to overcome and adapt.. Overcome and adapt was drilled into me. I have gone from homeless to making 70.000 a year several times.. I know this story from experience. Thank you for sharing. ❤❤❤❤

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

Thank YOU for sharing! -Cara@TeamFairy

@TeamCat1128 Год назад

Katelyn -I’m sorry it didn’t work out, but congrats for listening to yourself so you can heal. Sending hugs.😊

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

Thanks for sharing! -Calista@TeamFairy

@LouisRUFFIN-gm1nk 8 месяцев назад

I too was abandoned, forgotten, isolated, lied on,plotted on etc... I just stay to myself now, because from my experience, people only wait to hurt me. My trust has been trampled more than too many times and I have to accept the things I can not change. But I don't have to put myself in harms way either. You take care ma'am.

@SurferChick11 4 месяца назад

I feel the Whole World 🌍 is Scapegoating me...

@olwynbowden5193 Год назад

Don't bother confronting your mother. It will only lead to more pain for you. Thank you for writing in Kathlyn..

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

My experience as well! -Cara@TeamFairy

@adoa77 Год назад

When the right video comes up at the right moment without looking for it. Always on point, like you were talking to me, saying exactly what I need to hear, here and now.. Thank you dear Anna!! I've got flew and I'm lying in my old bed with fever (during a temporary visit to my parents), feeling like I'm purging all unsaid, repressed emotions. I was keeping my headphones on when I tried to hug my father that just prepared me a cup of tea, after some weeks of hot and cold war (he's 68 yo). He asked me something that I didn't hear and then, with his passive aggressive style, said " remove your headphone... you're not going to become a musician!". I immediately got triggered and I answered very badly smth like " I have enough of this kind of bsh.." Now, I've studied music for 12 years in the past (cello) but I left when I turned 18 (and now I sing, so technically I am and will always be a musician!). I wanted to sing and he kept forcing me with something I didn't want just because " I was talented and too young to discern what was right for me". For years my solar plexus was aching right before class, I learned how to systematically freeze is this kind of situation and now I have CFS. I know my parents tried to do their best within the given circumstances (we left a war zone when I was 7) and they made lots of sacrifices for my little sister and me (we turned than parentified children), but all the suppressed anger, the self-sabotage dynamics, the sadness and the full package, it's making me to getting triggered, to over-react and feeling full of guilt that I somaticize by getting sick and sabotaging my projects. This video gave me the understanding and the comfort I needed right now.

@shawnteldrake367 Год назад

Exactly!! Today I felt like I was stuck in freeze mode and this video pops up on my timeline

@loli3939 Год назад

Stay well and sing your heart out! You might want to check out third culture children for more clarity. Your dad displays like a very experienced rude controlling man.

@adoa77 Год назад

@@loli3939 Thank you. He's been quite controlling indeed. In his heart I've always been his only, trusted source of pure love (he lost his mother at 5), but he's not a rude man and have great qualities. Since I've been living in another country last 10 years, my current stay has triggered his abandonment wound and he reacts like a baby sometimes..but I'm done with that vicious circle. That's why I react brutally when he tries to manipulate in order to have my attention and affection. I'm quite familiar and educated about second generation of migrants challenges. It has been extremely difficult to deal with that burden alone since where I grew up there was no adequate support and the issues were not even known. This could be an interesting topic to address in Anna's videos : mental health issues of second generations. 🙂 Ps: Speaking my truth has progressively opened my throat chakra and I'm singing as much as I can. It's interesting it's happening where once it was almost forbidden : at my parent's house. They accept it now.

@britneyherrera81 Год назад

I've created the fifth F. It's EFFIN hard when trying to clean up the mess I've created. Trying to dig out, but looming time frames cause the worst anxiety and the desire to numb is greater than ever. It's EFFIN hard to get better when help is expensive, long term, and hard as hell when worrying about how much we have already hurt family, worried about the eviction notice, worry about the issues innocent children are paying for, and 8 million other things.

@manyBlessings2all Год назад

@Britney H ~ big hugs to you, yes indeed EFFIN hard.. Relating to your descriptions.. Obviously the Daily Practice as Anna teaches is a place to start, and it's free, tho requires a degree of calm & focus & discipline that I haven't managed to muster yet. Wondering if you've tried Tapping, aka EFT, it just came back onto my radar, there are free ways to learn, & apps etc, can do simply and quickly, 'on the hoof', & teach children too so they can do with you or for themselves when they need, apparently some police forces teach their people to use it, to better process & cope with the traumas they encounter. Britney Watkins teaches this to help people overcome emotional eating & to lose weight & get all aspects of their lives back on track / upgraded.. It can be used for anything, is based on acupuncture meridian points, ancient well-proven knowledge, and there's a sequence one taps mostly on hands and face, lightly, using fingertips, once learn sequence can just say 'this feeling' for each point, or learn more detailed ways to word things. Anyway, wishing you the best of luck & flow & hope you (&me too!) feel more comfy and happier.. 💕

@flutingaround Год назад

A cautionary tale. 😮 I'm 51 and I don't think I'll ever date again after hearing stories like this. Thank you for being vulnerable.

@SurferChick11 4 месяца назад

20yrs Single...I'll be going really slow...12month Friendship First...then very slow Courtship if still interested. ❤

@multilingualmind778 Год назад

I often feel so thrilled listening to your deep insights on relationships, I am completly in awe of your brilliant mind Anna, thank you and the author for the letter!!

@yuppers1 Год назад

Same! I was actually following along thinking that in her shoes I would totally be blaming myself too. It's wonderful that the crappy childhood fairy can see through the mess and see that the writer was correct after all. That must have been such a relief!

@shulamay Год назад

Anna, you're wonderful. Spotting false guilt is a rare skill.

@alllifematters Год назад

A big thing that I notice about myself when in romantic relationships is that I tend to always assume they are right and then in the back of my mind there's a fight going on and this sometimes causes me to behave in a back and forth way with the person which then usually makes them become less trusting, and when I look back on the relationship, I do not give any value to my feelings, I am so busy trying to make myself perfect for them that I devalue my own intuition, but usually looking back had I trusted my feelings and I had I known and prioritized my own values more, I would have known from the first date that we weren't properly matched ;) learning to love myself and not be afraid of being alone helps too! For example, there's nothing wrong with you if you do not want to rush into a relationship with someone! These are feelings we must pay attention to! They are showing us how our values and needs differ from the other person's, and if we continue the relationship without contemplating this and asking ourselves why we are willing to overlook something that our own bodies are telling us isn't what we need or value, we are walking that line of entering into a toxic relationship. That's the wisdom of being in enough toxic relationships! ;)

@trudibarraclough478 Год назад

I think she has had a close call with another narcissist. Maybe he will come back and keep gaslighting her. I hope not

@hajerm Год назад

Anna I am so grateful that you found your gift and followed your heart to live it ❤❤ your support, guidance, and encourage are so powerful. I’m crying and laughing at the same time 😂 as I sound a bit like a groupie ❤

@marc1391 Год назад

I’d love another video that focuses on how to come out of a chronic freeze response. This one has some unique insights about how freeze can express itself. I appreciate your attention to the letter writer. Can you make some general comments about freeze that might apply to more people in other situations? I also appreciate others comments about Pete Walkers book which is a great resource on this issue

@KR-hd6lk Год назад

I 1000x agree with CCF here Caitlin. Shame on your mom for turning her back on you at 15! Mark expected way too much too soon. It took me 5 yrs to be with another man after my 24yr marriage ended with devastating consequences. How could he expect you to be healed in 6 months? He needs to work on his own mindfulness journey. That part is true.

@peacelove7706 Год назад

Wow sounds like Marks wounds are coming up….he’s obviously not being very helpful or understanding as he’s in mental health. He sounds like it’s ALL ABOUT HIM and he doesn’t care at all about her Healing… walk away Girl….rejection os PROTECTION…. Focus on You and Heal in peace, not with some self centered man making you, once again, feel like it’s all you…IT IS NOT….YOU ARE A A BEAUTIFUL SOUL FINDING HER WAY….Much Love and Many Blessings

@raiderlove5923 Год назад

The Freeze Response sounds a lot like how I respond/react.

@carmelle2665 Год назад

Thank God Anna is on the case, both the mother and boyfriend sounded so emotionally manipulative!

@93rp1 Год назад

I wonder how many other women are out there carrying the weight of monumental shame on their backs, from past experiences like Caitlyn's as teenagers, bestowed so generously onto them by people who claim to love them or know what's best for them. The whole part about the mother going so far as to wear funeral garb after declaring this very much alive and sentient human being, this child, "dead to her" just reeks of unnecessary, sadistic drama. I mean, why go to such lengths? It's such disgusting behavior. I feel so bad for Caitlyn and anybody else dealing with stuff like this. It's just so unnecessary.

@johnnyutah6056 Год назад

Oh wow, he wants to "co own" your house. This should be an on the spot relationship ender. This is just a romance scam!

@amber40494 Год назад

Totally agree! She needs to run!

@bisibisbi Год назад

Caitlin, your instincts are right. Trust yourself. I think you felt deep down that there was something not right with Mark, he pressured you for too much too soon, had no empathy for your needs but a lot of concern for his own, he guilt tripped you and maybe even gaslighted you. That´s my thoughts while Anna read your letter and I may be wrong, but I do think you did the right thing not to let him condition your life. I wish you a bright future, you are capable of healing and blossom!

@TeaRose9 8 месяцев назад

Very well said.

@Captain_MonsterFart Год назад

It will take a lot more than a year to detach from a 23 year relationship!!

@ScienceisRadAF Год назад

I’m hearing so much of her wanting to heal *for others*. I resonate with this. But I think, much like someone in a dependency program, we have to want to do it for ourselves before real genuine progress can happen.

@vivianli7699 Год назад

Anna, You’re so considerate, your words heal people, all of your words and videos are so supporting.

@Heart2HeartwithGeo-ds7km Год назад

Wow, this video was an incredibly insightful and empowering look at how to heal from the freeze response! It's clear that so many of us have been conditioned to hide our feelings and emotions, and it was great to see you addressing this topic with such compassion and understanding. I appreciated how you shared your own personal experiences with the freeze response, and it was great to hear about the strategies and techniques you've used to overcome that conditioning and tap into your true feelings and emotions. Your insights about the importance of self-reflection, self-compassion, and mindfulness were incredibly helpful, and it was great to see how those principles can be applied to heal from the freeze response and live a more authentic, fulfilling life. This video is a great resource for anyone who has struggled with the freeze response and is looking for guidance and support on how to break free from that conditioning. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us!

@Heartatkcell Год назад

I'm still in the early stages of working through my own traumas and your channel has helped a lot (you generally make me cry at least a little bit with how close to home these hit). I felt such a massive WEIGHT off my shoulders to hear your words "Talking to these people is an option" in regards to the people that traumatized me. The weight of that question, that desire to heal and thought that speaking to those that did these things, was heavy and horrible to consider. Those few sentences told me everything I need to know to drop that question and search for my next workable item

@jenniferlords3191 Год назад

It seems like Kaitlin is trying to be vulnerable and honest and perhaps oversharing too much, too soon, which is so common for people trying to be real amd vulnerable with a new partner. It also seems like the new man isnt ready or able to be open minded as his own insecurities and jealousies and perhaps aspirations (house) make it impossible to listen empathetically. I love the advice Anna gives that the approach was sincere and attempting to be ready....you will continue to grow. Lots of self compassion and patience is in order. Sending lots of live and solidarity.

@peggyharris3815 Год назад

Yup..."co-owners of her house"? I guess Mark is a renter. Humm...his networth increases fast; even if they should breakup.

@wordivore Год назад

Yeah F that. big ol' red flag there. Who knows want monster may come out once someone gets control over something like that, especially when they're laying on the pressure about it. That's a big NO!

@rockjockchick Год назад

Your assessment of this is so clear and wonderful. Thank you for making sense.

@Chahlie Год назад

It's an amazing feeling when your go-to response becomes to put out Love Joy and Happiness to the world. It changes everything. Change the fear for love (providing you are no contact with the evil ones!) and the whole world loves you. I'm older, and not 'pretty', but the moment I channel "Love Joy Happiness" I get it back by the dozen :) I have to say, all the narcissism videos were a huge part of my healing since a nervous breakdown- just knowing that others were going through the same was huge. I am now strong enough that my inner Joy acts like a force field and I watch evil people pick on others in the room, knowing they can't hurt me- it's awesome!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

Beautiful :) -Cara@TeamFairy

@marcusdenning1649 Год назад

I spent so much of my life in each mode.

@zeilaporto9504 Год назад

I felt the same; a Red flag ! He is pushing the living together stuff too fast . Again the thing about "letting her go" to make sure she gets back to only think about him . She gets the gut feelings but brushes it off repeatedly, watch out girl, go slow with this man. God bless

@user-kd3tt5lr6m Год назад

Thanks for addressing the freeze response. I really appreciate the mention of the blurting out prior to the freeze.

@paulablair395 Год назад

The woman who wrote the letter has not even begun to heal and is fooling herself by thinking that she can love someone at this stage. She has to face and be able to articulate her past. Her new love wanted a deep, committed relationship in a very short amount of time was just another CPTSD.

@Heart2HeartwithGeo-ds7km Год назад

This video was an incredibly powerful and insightful exploration of the freeze response and how we can work to heal and overcome it. It's clear that many people struggle with this issue, and it was great to see you addressing it with such depth and nuance. I appreciated how you delved into the science behind the freeze response and its potential causes, and it was great to hear about the different strategies and techniques we can use to overcome this challenge and live more fully in the present moment. Your insights about the importance of self-awareness, mindfulness, and self-compassion were incredibly helpful, and it was great to see how those principles can help us to heal from the freeze response and live more fulfilling lives. This video is a great resource for anyone who is struggling with the freeze response and looking for guidance and support on how to work through this challenge. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us!

@newtonmoon Год назад

Your channel helped me so much to understand the last puzzle piece that was missing. Especially on the part of shutting oneself off, limerence, and putting a word to the condition (CPTSD) (although I think the term without the word 'disorder' would be nicer). I always knew something was strange but it all started with my quest by looking at my life and asking 'how come everyone is married and getting their 2nd, 3rd etc child'. Although this always was and is my biggest wish too, my life isn't at all like that and my partners where toxic and to some extend abusive. There are many great channels talking about Narcissism and it made me understand that I repeated my childhood experience. Even now my mother cannot apologize and doesn't see anything wrong, same with my grandmother. I finally understood that she doesn't love me and never has, all of her past and current behavior speaks for it. I am in my midlife and with a few years left to start a family, I hope that this understanding and healing was the necessary reason that I needed to wait for so long... Thank you for doing what you do, you are amazing! God bless.

@mml9018 Год назад

The title brought me here. I seem to have been in freeze response based on what I have learned about it. Different circumstances. Greatful for this content. Ready to heal. ❤ ✌️ ☮️ 🕊

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

Glad you are here! -Cara@TeamFairy

@carolynmurphy3697 Год назад

Im learning so much listening to Annas insights. I could never piece my feeling together before or had any words to describe them. I never understood mysel and im 57. I do suffer from the freeze response but wasnt aware thats what it is. I fell out with a life long friend four years ago snd we've never spoken since. I could never fathom out why i froze her out as i knew it was something to do with me as shes never changed. I need to get more clarity over time within in myself as to why i couldn't deal or speak up about what happened between us but im sure listening to Annas videos will slowly give me the insight the more i learn. So grateful to have found this site xx❤❤

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

So glad that you found this channel :) -Cara@TeamFairy

@tonysams7261 Год назад

You are such a blessing to all of our lives 🙏 thank you miss Anna!

@deniseanderson2913 Год назад

Thank you, thank you, thank you! This is an excellent video. So freeing and comforting.

@sarahrose7487 Год назад

Katelyn, it’s tough to separate spirituality in these cases, but if it was a spiritual relationship, I feel like you’d both be vibrating on a more healing and patient level and the guy doesn’t sound like he’s on your level… it may be a karmic bond that is meant to help you grow… I also have a spiritual teacher and frequent an ashram in India and I believe very much in karmic bonds… I also had the deepest love of my life, who was a karmic partner, hurt me more than anyone, but I grew from it…and I believe that the right person will resonate on my frequency… I think you are on the right path and you should be so proud of listening to yourself!!! Good for you!!!

@barbaraadams2645 Год назад

Her vagueness seems self serving.

@Krissy1111111 Год назад

Another great video, thank you Caitlyn for the letter and Anna for the amazing kind and gentle yet insightful response full of spot on discernment. I'm sorry to use this space for this, I was wondering if anyone lives in Abu Dhabi or Dubai? I moved here recently and there are no ACA meetings here and I would love to connect with someone from a community such as this one. Thank you for everything Anna. You are the reason I started on my cptsd recovery, EMDR, neurofeedback, ACA... Thank you ❤❤❤

@kevinmasterson5733 Год назад

I would love to see a video about healing the freeze response that is just information and doesn't contain a letter. Especially healing the freeze response in relation to career/success. Thanks, Kevin

@pineapplesnoopy1876 Год назад

Me too, I would appreciate such a video

@yvinnen5544 10 месяцев назад

Me also. I freeze in relationships (never had a real one) and in career (don't pursue advancement, shy away from taking the lead, and consequently I'm underemployed, can't pay my bills, no health insurance, and don't feel challenged or proud of my work). I love these videos.

@sujanm1046 9 месяцев назад

I asked myself, if what she said (and "destroyed" the new relationship) was part of her protection-system and not so bad after all. She was not ready and had doubts from the start. She couldn´t act according to her real truth at that point, but her deeper system said "no" to this guy.... Best wishes for Caitlin!

@Fullspeed18 6 месяцев назад

I need to see somebody in person that helps me out of this state of mind. I'm ready to work on it!

@lisap9936 Год назад

I’m really happy to have discovered your method. I wish l could tell you my story but it would take too many words and space. And l’ve never been able to tell it anyway. I’ve been ( struggling) with the Abraham teaching of the law of attraction for about 3 years and although l believe in it’s validity l have run into a big lump of really intense trauma which is really overwhelming and l am feeling exhausted trying to find the path of least resistance which is paradoxical. Thank you l did my first writing of fears and resentment this morning. I have been a meditator since my twenties but l welcome your version although basically no different from ‘mine’. 🙏🇬🇧

@dieantler Год назад

Such a red flag for the guy Caitlin is seeing. I hope she know she can be without him.. I know it hurts.. But having a wrong, destructive partner is worse. Im having flashbacks such hearing the things he's telling Caitlin

@diradeb 5 месяцев назад

🎉 yes!

@fiercearmadillo6850 Год назад

Omg. Listening to this letter i was judging so hard. She's unwilling to heal, she's incapable of commitment or even thinking straight, she found a man who is far along in his healing and spiritual development but couldnt manage to lift herself up to his level even though he tried to help and coach her, she cant manage to make amends with her mom who's trying to be helpful... shes really having trouble getting over her teenage angst and shes letting it screw up her chances! What a messed up letter writer. Amd what a shame that she lost out on an awakened and secure guy! ....but OH. OUCH. OUCH OUCH the sorrow and horror and shock of listening to your wise reply. Everything seemed so different. And honestly, so much more logical. I couldnt believe i had been judging so much before, that i hadnt seen the boyfriends red flags, that i had unquestioningly assumed that connecting with mom was an ethical duty, that it didnt occur to me how natural and okay it is to not know exactly what you want, but to respond intuitively to subconscious warnings and stirrings even if these cant be explained... I feel ... things. I dont know how i feel. Just so much sadness. If i judged this sweet letter writer and felt she should push herself harder to get with the program for the sake of her family or boyfriend or "getting over it"... and honestly assumed that these opinions were for her own good and reasonable sreps to "healing"... then... how harshly have i been judging myself? And not even been aware of it?

@Leoo117 Год назад

What a phenomenal comment. Your awareness of this just shows a huge step in your own healing. Maybe you were judging yourself before, but now you can recognize when it happens and take steps to be more understanding and kind to yourself.

@SB_McCollum Год назад

Okay, only 11 minutes in and I hear a LOT of complex rationalizations around simple things - you can't change Mom or get any satisfaction from her around old wounds, Mark isn't a therapeutic genius and just wants to live at your house, and you've hit 50 w/o finding true love and what the hell are you supposed to do to make your dreams come true now? (I'm 62, I know very well how tough this all is.) So, skipping forward to see what Miss Anna says...

@zeenatbaer138 Год назад

"Mark isn't a therapeutic genius" ... very well put.

@wordivore Год назад

"you can't change Mom or get any satisfaction from her around old wounds"...ain't that the truth. My experience as well. If they were gonna apologize and recognize such harm, they would not need us to say something to them. They'd have self-reflected and come to us with the apology. And in some cases, they would've never behaved that way in the first place if they even cared.

@malmz1 Год назад

I agree 💯

@adimeter Год назад

Boy are you gentle, loving and kind.

@Fullspeed18 6 месяцев назад

I feel stuck, hopeless and isolated. Overall it's this sense of wasting my life, when I'm full of life inside me!!!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 6 месяцев назад

We understand as few others can, you're in the right place :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@joeljoy4144 Год назад

Co-regulation is the process whereby one nervous system calms another, producing a feedback loop that is soothing to both--Hayden Lindsey.

@annaphillion9269 Год назад

Thank you so much. Love wins!

@elise2914 Год назад

This Marc guy sounds exhausting, dramatic, and honestly, very manipulative, maybe not on purpose, but the pushing to own half her house within 6 months!, as well as the way he psychologized all her statements and feelings, and guilted her for needing to take her time, make me suspicious. I think she’s well out of that.

@elizabethsmith6408 2 месяца назад

This video was amazing!! What a beautiful response and I agree with it deeply. Thank you CCF!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 месяца назад

Thank you for your kind words! -Frida@TeamFairy

@lpetitoiseau9146 Год назад

Kudos to you Kaitlyn! You’re trying. You will succeed. ❤

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

Thanks for sharing your encouragement! Julie@TeamFairy

@ameliabreitweg5770 Год назад

To be honest, it seems like Mark was being incredibly manipulative. Rushing the relationship to that extent and pushing his agenda without regard to Caitlin's needs and her situation, without empathy and understanding and respecting her need to proceed slowly. Especially trying to push moving in together with her and stipulating co-ownership of her house. It seems like he was guilt tripping her with his emotional reactions as well, such as when he was insinuating that he hadn't cried in years but now, because of her, this is breaking his heart and how he doesn't feel important to her. He is pushing that on her, subtly making her responsible instead of handling his emotions himself and expressing them honestly. At the very least, he is self-absorbed and largely concerned with his own needs and perception, at worst he is narcissistic and using his knowledge of mindfulness to manipulate her perception and seeing her vulnerability and gaslighting her. So many of her anxiety responses register to me as though she is reacting to being pushed and is receiving the red flags on somewhat of a conscious level, but not being able to readily perceive the warning within her body and second-guessing herself when she reacts. I have been there, myself, and I understand how that happens and I feel for her situation and her pain and sense of shame. You have no reason to feel ashamed, Caitlin. You deserve to listen to your needs and have people in your life that respect you and are willing to go at your pace, especially when you are raw and vulnerable, honor your needs and listen to you, without pressuring you or guilting you.

@rockjockchick Год назад

Agreed

@cass_sorrel Год назад

Yup, the "I have not cried in 17 years" thing felt so sus to me!

@Leoo117 Год назад

It really does sound like she was just naturally driven away and unnattracted by this man due to his lack of self-respect, lack of confidence, being moved emotionally way to easily by her, and his constant seeking of reassurance as if she was his parent, and him wanting to lock her down to a relationship so fast. A woman cannot feel safe enough to want to be in a relationship with all of that. It also seems like she was actually trying to help him be more attractive and healthy by telling him things like she doesn't want to be trapped in a beautiful prison, but he didn't understand that, and he was perturbed yet again. That reminds me of a quote that says, "you must love in such a way that the person you love feels free".

@amber40494 Год назад

I don't understand why the abused person thinks they can confront the abuser (mother)and solve their issues?

@billpetersen298 Год назад

This story is a great example of adoption. Where it’s not about, the child not being wanted. It’s about other circumstances. Grandparents are supposed to be, about unconditional love. To make up for stressed, and distracted parent-s. To Catlin and others, of course you feel guilt, and doubt. But if it means anything, to you. My adopted kids, are the best thing to have happened in my life.

@frontiergallery Год назад

great video and advice

@nicolaseinhorn4540 Год назад

Heyheyhello ! So many things in that letter. The most important thing is that "Nobody... Nobody has the power to give you space to heal and grow" you own your space." I'm repeating that "Nobody owns your space and can give it to you to heal... or not" the fairy is talking about power. Where is your power love ?! What place do you give to others ? what place do you have in your own life ? You know a lot, you have the tools available. Nobody says it is going to be easy peasy. Certainly not me, but girl you can do it. Again it is not about others... entierly about others. Take good care of you. Lots of love !

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

Thank you for sending the encouragement! -Cara@TeamFairy

@nicolaseinhorn4540 Год назад

You're welcome. Thank you to the Fairy team and to Anna. That is a very good channel. Thanks a lot. All the best.

@jennimcintyre2528 Год назад

So happy to have found you

@MichaelVandekolk-pe3vc Год назад

Thank you Anna for the inspiration your kind insightful words help put replacing thoughts and coping around trauma. There was a time many years ago when the barrier between what was going on in my head and heart and intentions I was unable to see my own thoughts. I now have no secrets and can see what's going on between my head and heart being in this new state allows me to response with kindness wanting the best for others and I mediation on holyspirt who allows me to serve and be intentionally positive God bless you anna

@MichaelVandekolk-pe3vc Год назад

And not being able to see my own inner world makes a person dangerous and a reaction even with violence flight or fight or like this video freeze being able to be calm and thoughtful with the holyspirt I never been normal but I'm focusing on the answer not the problem I've been texting my friends positive messages so although face to face stirs up triggers I can look back on a positive feed it's becoming real if I can switch off super alertness and slow down God bless you Anna for your work

@jdiercks19 Год назад

Oh, Fairy, you have no idea what you and your existence have given to me. I am someone who is afraid.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

I'm so glad you're here. We understand as few others can and are all sending you encouragement! -Calista@TeamFairy

@gothkid1011369 Год назад

29:11 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 VERY well said Dr. Fairy 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

@Midlifekristi 6 месяцев назад

Relatable on so many levels. Thank you for this!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 6 месяцев назад

Thank you for watching and taking the time to comment! -Calista@TeamFairy

@MMc-pp1bt Год назад

Some really good & valid insights into her situation, but one thing that I wondered about is her financial situation & needs. One different interpretation is that Mark may have intended to help her be a bit more financially stable by offering to buy half of the house. If so, did he offer money? She may have been so vulnerable financially as well as emotionally. That could really influence her choices since it is really difficult to be employed at that age. She really has my sympathy!

@susanquinlan7426 Год назад

Why would someone want to own 1/2 of your house? He could live there w/o his name on the contract. Keep your ownership to yourself for security. Give time time and you will see the truth of this matter. I think you ran for the good. Saying that, you did not have to be good. You dont need a relationship. you are O K the way you are. I have a self righteous mother and will tell you. She would not even remember the story the same way. Where were they when you were looking for love somewhere else? 15 year old girls want love. I was a very lonely 15 year old. I found a boy friend. I was fortunate and will be forever grateful. So, lucky me. Sorry it turned out badly for you. You might look at stories from the early 1900's when unwed pregnancy was delt with by the village casting out the family to fend for themselves and starve. It really was a thing. Good luck

@alisa_and_pup 11 месяцев назад

"...Well Welcome to the World!!" XD ^^^ I laugh now, but honestly? that statement, just helped to confirm so much healing about having went to far too fast when we were younger, and bearing the shame of that for SO LONG... It's wise to teach your children a good way to live and be, but... there has to be room for them to be humans that make mistakes and their own choices and know that as a parent they can come to you and KNOW you will be there. I can't tell you how many instances I've actually learned so much faster, when I had people in my life tell me that they were on my side regardless to support ME even if they didn't agree with all my choices. It's so wonderful to be able to grow and find healing in this way, and just an extra dose of healing to hear that same wisdom echoed back to you by the lovely and incredible Crappy Childhood Fairy in her humorous and kind way. Thank you Anna

@chilloften Год назад

Crazy fast is mistakes, pace your self.

@hope46sf Год назад

Thank you!

@KoolT Год назад

Set your boundaries and take care of yourself.

@elisemeola6375 Год назад

I definitely freeze up in the face of trouble! I once was in a very toxic work situation and rather than speaking up for myself , I froze up.

@thereal4113 Год назад

I think this poor woman is being manipulated by her boyfriend. He is labeling everything she says. Sometimes, it is best NOT to share her entire past with Mark while the relationship is new.

@drewpritchett4213 Год назад

Love you dearly. You have helped me so much. To be honest I don’t get anything from lengthy letters from other people who’s circumstances don’t relate to mine. Respond to them, not me. Offered in love

@NARCDELUSION Год назад

Beware, he wants the house! He is applying emotional manipulation, and playing on any toxicity, and uncertainty. She just need some space, of course. He doesn't want to give her any space, tell him back it up Speed Racer. If he continues to be insulted, tell him to take a hike, and shove off.

@AlleyCatStrut Год назад

This one triggered me. I related a lot to the guy in the story. I felt suspicious of the story teller's version and fairy's interpretation where it felt to me like criticism and invalidation of him. It sounded to me like almost everything they criticized him for was reactions to her bad behavior. Obviously, he had his own issues that he was getting new insight on from their relationship. But it sounded to me like he gave better than he got. Can relate.

@Humanoice Год назад

I believe that Fairy herself has a avoidant attachment style thats why she can only/mostly relate to womans experience. This was little triggering for my self also but very interesting to observe how people vire differently about these things. This is no disrecpect towards fairy but I think she should google attatchment style and take test. It only takes couple minutes to do. I am Secure lesningn fearful avoidant.🤷‍♂️

@wordivore Год назад

@@Humanoice Whether the letter writer is avoidant or not, the guy was moving way too fast, especially wanting to own half her house. Just no.

@Humanoice Год назад

@@wordivore yes that part is clear but to understand what was happening is to understand how your attatchment style affects on you. That was only symptom of the ”disease”.

@rockjockchick Год назад

@@wordivore for sure

@alrighttumbleweed4782 Год назад

@@Humanoice I think it makes sense for her to respond to the person who wrote the letter rather than give advice to Mark who may nver see this, and who also has a right to seek advice if and where it feels most comfortable for him. Caitlin isn't ready to commit to something that serious less than a year after such a long marriage, Mark was eager for long term commitment within the first six months of a new relationship. In terms of compatibility, what pops into my head is the tortoise and the hare pairing up for a three-legged race. I don't think either party could feel happy with the pace, the compromise would be too huge for comfort. Caitlin was clearly feeling pressured even if that wasn't Marks intention. I wonder which parts of this advice seem avoidant - as it seems to me that learning to recognize her feelings and figuring out what she wants in a partner are excellent next steps

@hope46sf Год назад

Wow! Caitlin, I hope you are done w Mark! He seems to be rushing you, then blaming you for not being what he wants. I hope you can continue to heal, and not pursue a relationship now. Good for you to stand firm, and telling him where You are. Rest, be at peace.

@Broken_Cracka Год назад

“Just after Mark discussed moving into my house with me and being co owners…” RUN! 🏃‍♀️

@allysiren Год назад

I love listening to you and learning from you. Also you remind me of Diane Keaton ~ ♡

@NatalieZii Год назад

Great letter response. Yeah this guy does not sound healthy. She owns her need to heal but he doesn’t. His general vibe of pressuring her and trying to change her, rather than accepting more immediately that there’s simply incompatibility and there not needing to be blame in that speaks to attachment issues. You can hear he’s trying to fix her or morph her into what he wants which is a very inappropriate approach, especially for a person you’ve known for a short time. And his neediness in wanting to be the center of her attention despite everything she’s going through and her other commitments seriously lacks empathy. And his wanting her to be immediately committed and sure about the relationship is inappropriate. I get how it can hurt when someone your dating says they’re still testing the waters but for someone coming from divorce and after only a few months, it is to be expected! It’s also such a thing for CPTSD survivors to think of others’ needs but not validate their own as equally worthy. He’s basically saying be what I want and I’ll love you and she’s fallen into that. But does she really want what he’s asking for herself? And that “I love you if” thing is also so terrible for childhood trauma survivors because they don’t realize there shouldn’t be an “if”, or a series of hoops to jump through, or service you have to give someone to be worthy. You should be loved for who you are. I also just want to say that listening to stories of people who feel chronically unloved and unvalued makes me feel less alone. When it’s someone else saying these things, especially hearing how they tell their stories, I never believe it and just want to wrap them in a hug. Sometimes it’s a struggle to be social and find the right people around us, and especially if our family wasn’t there for us, that can give us the message that being alone is the same thing as not having value. But it’s not true.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

Thank you so much for this comment. It IS such a struggle to be social and interact with a ton with people when we (people with trauma) often feel like we are walking underwater all day - and it's exhausting. To you and anyone who needs more camaraderie, please consider the CCF membership. We have zoom meetings every day, often at 3 or 4 different times from California to Norway :) bit.ly/CCF-Membership -Cara@TeamFairy