"My husband setting boudaries on me was the best thing he could have done" This! Yes, this has been my experience too. I grew up in a "my way or the highway" environment where no unpleasant emotions could be expressed, so the first time I was confronted by a person who wouldn't let me rage at them for no reason, but that didn't abandon me either I was in shock. That was the keystone where my healing unraveled from.
you are really lucky to have your partner not only be emotionally open enough to tell you to back off but also not abandon you for it. A very admirable trait. I don't think I could do it. I would feel the 'threat' of the rage hanging over me once I'd experienced it once. Much too stressful.
Interesting. I just ended a friendship with someone who raged at me. After 4 years of being an incredibly supportive friend, when she turned on me, I had no problem walking away. In the past, I would be the "difficult person" whisperer. Thank God I'm over that.
I never had issues attracting others.. but when I really start liking someone, I act so juvenile almost as if I were a schoolgirl in an adult's body. It's really turned people off from me... I realize men want a woman who's an equal. A partner. I realize this has a lot to do with the "fawn" response, which I have a lot of.
@@villaineramatriarchylmaoo so act immature in front of guys, great advice 😂 if you’re here watching these vids you should probably look deep down yourself before you start judging those guys.
I love how you made it clear that cptsd comes from such an early age we have no memory or language for why we get so upset. That's so hard to live with, not knowing but having the dreadful feelings.
Emotional flashbacks! It has a name! My partner deals with my issues and I hate myself for putting him through it. Now that I am able to name it, I have the ability to tame it. Thank you again for such deeply understood and relevant content. It is hard work every single day dealing with CPTSD but it is worth it.
@@villaineramatriarchy nobody is “trash” if they can’t deal with another person’s issues. I have empathy with people on both sides of the trauma fence, so to speak, but we should also all be allowed to protect our own energy.
I’m reading codependency no more and it’s helped me so much to see how common the “I DO EVERYTHING AROUND HERE!” Emotional outburst is - especially with codependents . And so now whenever I start to feel that really strongly I just stop myself. Because it’s probably not true, and I’m way too emotionally charged to know for sure.
I’ve been in situations with covert narcissists where they actively cause disasters with day to day necessary things (though go to great lengths to make them hard to attribute/blame them) to *force* me to use my time and energy dealing with those disasters instead of seeing what they are doing and leaving safely. And I have seen folks do it to others several times too. It’s very disturbing when I’d gone to great lengths to avoid co-dependent behaviors, only to have someone manipulate and sabotage the environment so I have to choose between fixing it or having kids get sick, bills go unpaid (and credit issues), going bankrupt, burning out/losing a job, getting in trouble with the government, etc. and when i confront them about it, get hit with gaslighting, manipulation, escalating sabotage, etc. Especially since at the beginning it could be a legitimate thing a person could screw up due to stress (once maybe) - but in those cases it wasn’t. But by the time it starts to be obvious it wasn’t legitimate and is actually predatory behavior, the stress has built up and burnout is starting, which makes it even harder (or impossible) to leave without major real damage to oneself. The IRS doesn’t much care, for instance, why joint taxes were done a specific way - both parties are on the hook regardless. And a job everyone needs to survive is only going to be understanding so many times when you need to call in sick last second, or can’t meet a deadline, because the person who promised you they would take care of something the kids needed just didn’t do it - despite promising over and over again (and pretending) that it would be done until it was too late to deal with it before it was an emergency. In all the cases I saw, the behavior only started once they felt they had adequate leverage that it was not possible for the targeted party to leave safely or without major damage. Specifically, kids - and during tougher economic conditions.
@@RU-vidhandlesaresilly agree with this - it’s beyond frustrating and soul crushing and you feel like every time you put out one fire and can make progress, they create a bigger fire. Finally I could not take it anymore. He underestimated my extended family support system and even his family sided with me bc they saw how toxic his behavior is/was and loved their grandchildren enough to stop bailing him out and help me to move on. The trickery can only go on for so long until finally everyone is fed up and realize the narc is THE problem.
It's true. Sometimes it's just better to write stuff down and try to counter perceptions and feelings with observable facts. Or if the facts do corroborate the feelings, figure out how you got in that situation and how you might get out.
Make sure you don't blame innocent people. What I noticed with codependents - some people really do not appreciate yet codependents often take their anger on nicer people thst do actually appreciate. Another problem (done it myself) - complaining about life to friends. I Def did to much if it without realizing how inappropriate that is. Noticed it with codependents as well. No hate towards codependents.
Talking about boundaries...I'm sometimes afraid to set them but when others have/set boundaries I absolutely love it, I respect and admire those people. Boundaries are gooooood😊
My realization of emotional flashbacks came actually going through a gaslighting/bullying situation at work, it sent me to a severe relapse with panic attacks, after being prescribed the right treatment, I realized the same was happening in my marriage. It has been such a revelation.
It's important to be able to draw a line somewhere, without leaving one's partner hanging out to dry, and also without taking on far too much responsibility for their feelings. Seth sounds like a really considerate and empathetic dude, just to be asking these questions.
I admire how aware and responsible these people are, yet I feel scared when I see how difficult it is to manage all these despite all the awareness. I wish everyone well
Learning to manage cptsd and it’s ravaging behaviors is easy and satisfying compared to the the painful, difficult, devastating, crazy making life we live before we learn what cptsd is! Healing is worth every single effort it takes to get free from the constraints of the past! Fear is what keeps us stuck! Courage means we feel the fear and do the healing work anyway! Be Well🌻
Funny you mentioned the 12 Steps, I was thinking how those steps helped me cope with being married (far too long) to an alcoholic. Boundaries are so important. They truly saved me from insanity! I learned detachment, which was difficult for me, an Empath who thinks she can fix everything. But I did it, and I began my now ongoing healing. Thank you for all you do. I watch and learn so much from ALL of your videos. 😊
The instinct to fix or rescue....it must be really hard to ignore. I'm at the opp end of spectrum, I'm the one people are always trying to rescue or fix. Not so much these days, but it comes up, in every new group of people I meet, at least 1 will try to tell me what to do under the guise of being nice , or "doing me a favour". I run for the hills, now that I recognise it's just another codependent, using me to satisfy their codependency, but I have a lot of empathy for it because we're just two sides of the same coin.
The minute I read Pete Walker's suggestion that much of this developed pre-verbally, I was convinced that if people aren't talking about this and healing from this or talking about healing from something, doing healing work in general, I'm thinking that most everyone's walking around with either Injury Awareness or Injury NONAwareness. What do you think? And more importantly, who do I want to be around the rest of my life? I think I want to keep company with those in the business of healing.
Amen. I purposely stayed single after my divorce from a narcissist...12 years later and alot of inner healing and a relationship with Jesus has healed me. Also, your videos for confirmation. Thank you Anna and CCF team! 🎯🥰👑💜
Jesus is not the "way". Worked for you? Goody. Please don't proselytize on these kinds of channels. The church is filled with abusers and pedophiles. Everyday we hear of one more "youth pastor " who sexually abused minors in their care. So please stop posting that your way is "the" way. It's disrespectful.
I suffered greatly from this scenario with my late husband….he was scapegoated by npd mother for decades b4 we even knew what narcissism is….it is just extremely confusing until 1 episode when he was red-faced in my face…. I realized this wasn’t about me at all….that was the beginning of our healing…he had EMDR, cbt, medication & did heal quite a bit b4 his untimely death 💙😇
Thank you for another great video, Anna! The road to healing is not for the weak that's for sure, and some days I can only look at the smallest of things. Anything big is too overwhelming. I agree that it's a really good idea to get those grumpy, sad, irritable, etc feelings out to an inanimate object vs. a loved one! lol. And me too, some days I just wake up in a funk, after I went to bed in a good mood. Happy, upbeat music usually helps me get out of that frame of mind. It was very profound for me to hear Gabor Mate say, "What happened to you was trauma-tic. Trauma is what happens inside of you."
I love that you address the one writing to you. That said, there are many, if not most, marriages where both partners have C-PTSD or other symptoms of a number of other “diagnoses” or labels. Some of us respond to childhood trauma with codependency and people pleasing behaviors. Others respond via developing narcisstic or other behaviors. My point is that in my case my ex would say things like the letter mentioned, such as, “I can’t please you”, “I am the one who decides what is “reasonable”, I am right”, and he simply was not. His constant invalidations and control did hurt me psychologically, then traumatized me as he would kick me out until I could “behave”, etc. a lot of gaslighting, a lot of attempts to turn my boys against me. He ultimately failed at that part. My first marriage was 30 years long. The second caused my C-PTSD; these symptoms, if originating in a less than perfect childhood that I simply do not remember, were not experienced by me or those I was in relationship with until 28 years into adulthood, during my second marriage. When I was diagnosed I was told the C in C-PTSD stood for “complex”. My intent here is only to clarify, not criticize. I have been greatly benefitted, blessed, and assisted with healing in a way that has worked as nothing else has. I am a huge fan of CCF-and want to contribute here, in case there is someone reading this who was in a similar situation I was in, who heard these things from a partner who was in fact, very sick.
I was thinking similar. I really can’t imagine someone actively struggling with CPTSD, to the extent of needing to read Paul walker’s book together and watch CCF to get through things, would be with a completely secure and healthy partner.
What you said about a generalized feeling of dread or insecurity or whatever, that we have no idea where it came from… that really landed with me. I was just thinking that the other day. When I’m having a down day, I literally feel like my world is ending. Like I’m losing all my family and I just feel this deep existential dread. Then I’ll have simple, light conversations with coworkers and I feel 10x better because it’s like the lights went back on. I’m pretty sure that’s a trigger to the past that I’m not consciously aware of.
Wow. I'm having emotional flashbacks with some of your explanations of my past relationship. I never knew what they were until you described them. We both had them. We were at eachother's throats. When you mentioned the chores thing and tap dancing, it was very coincidental...but then you mentioned "you ruined the dinner" and I about lost it for a second. Unfortunately, this is probably a lot more common and universal. Thanks for making me feel heard.
SO HELPFUL! What a wonderful partner this guy is, to care so much and want to give the best support possible. Very impressive. Bless you both, and good luck with your endeavour. This takes such commitment and work! Thank you Anna.
My husband has also started setting boundaries with me when I have an emotional flashback. It’s a very lonely, falling feeling, like a rug being pulled out from under me. He gets frustrated when he tries everything to comfort me but nothing seems to help. So it’s draining for him to try to be there for me because it yields no result. But I don’t want his comfort to stop either :( The gutting loneliness is inexplicable….
That's an accurate description of an emotional flashback. I assume you've read Pete Walker's book? If not, do so for sure. You might also benefit from Daily Practice to help with emotional flashbacks. bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Julie@TeamFairy
I knew I was diagnosed with PTSD as a teen, but I was confused because never had the flashbacks that people associate with it. But emotional flashbacks? Those I get. That I understand.
My mom and I have this dynamic often. We both have CPTSD but her trauma in childhood was much more acute than mine. She comes across as quite paranoid and blame-y because she's convinced I am (or someone else is) to blame for something that I/they never did. My dad has become quite adept at taking responsibility for everything, because that's the easiest way to assuage her. I dunno if it's emotional flashbacks with her, or some kind of personality disorder, but it has caused quite a lot of trauma in our relationship. Unfortunately, I think it's more comfortable for her to blame others for whatever she's feeling than heal.
OMG, please be careful with this dynamic. That was my experience with my mom too and it almost consumed me, both mentally and financially. This is going to sound harsh, but "her trauma was more much accute than mine" is an ill-constructed, child-like impression, like it's ok she mistreats you, and you are bound to tolerate it because "she had it worse". No, darling, no one has that right over your life, not even your mother. We wouldn't admit it out loud, but she's abusing you by placing this imaginary blame on you; she might portray her suffering as sacrifice, but the truth of the matter is she's choosing her own needs over yours. Don't try to fix her ("help her to heal", does it ring to you?), she's an adult and she has the obligation to put her sh*t together, as much as you have the obligation of putting yourself on the first place. Work on yourself, you'll find your way.
My mother tends to blame others for the lack of financial ability on my father and myself when she used her savings and retirement funds to aid my tertiary education and serviced my father's debts. Idk EXACTLY why she'd still hold it over my father's head, but I do think she had very unrealistic expectations of roles within marriage and only my father has to bear for most of the bigger expenses (including my education and health needs) despite her full-time job income in the past. I don't like being around her too it lowers my mood.
@@Dan_Chiron I totally hear you. It's because I stand up to her that we get in fights, unlike with my dad who just capitulates. I am working on myself, especially working not to let her energy in. Doing the daily practice has helped a lot.
Playing advocate for your dad: he's stuck with her, you're not, you have a whole life ahead of you, he's old, you get to have the fight and go home, he can't, he has to stay there, it is enormously draining to fight with someone who isn't looking for resolution and just wants to fight, he has (possibly) figured out his survival strategy, you're figuring out yours.
Broke up mutually with an amazing woman because we could not get past issues from her traumas. It was so hard no me and i tired to help. She tried do her work but still got too stressful...😔. I wish i had known these channel and this videos before...💔
Thank you for sharing. It's a common thing for folks with CPTSD and their partners. Even if the relationship didn't continue, it sounds like there was at least sincere love and concern while it lasted, which means that it was worthwhile. My kindest wishes to both of you. Julie@TeamFairy
I agree it is important to heal your unmet childhood needs. It’s also important not to lose your child-like wonder and willingness/ability to learn. When people get too wrapped up in how grown up they can be/are, I feel they start to act like they have nothing left to learn and stagnate in life, which can lead to mundaneness and lack of inspiration, depression and a sense of emptiness and lack of fulfillment in life. The “what’s next?” question is challenging to answer when you are unwilling to look at things in new ways and unwilling to admit you could still evolve/grow/learn. That’s the only problem with being “adult” and “grown”. People can think they can’t stand to open their minds and get stuck in their ways after 25, so I’ve made it a goal to become a life long learner and make admitting I can still grow, aka taming my ego, one of the ways I get stuck in. This way I am at least stuck in the way of growth and humility.
The majority of problems I deal with now are not flashbacks and externalised emotional disregulation (I work hard never to take my emotions out on other people like my mother did), but instead are those “common courtesy” issues that were so often ignored by my mother. So, how do I get past the fear of asking for basic courtesy on something specific (e.g. to communicate clearly since I’m autistic)?
Mizz Anna! ❤WoW. I'm convinced you got Bluetooth on me.😂 It's like EVERY new video is near if not 🎯. ❤ your videos. Heres a list of a few more subject matters need help with. 1. Is my mom a narcissist? She; Instead of directly asking me to do something, will slams doors, thow things around, throw my things away to punish me. Or put trash on my front porch if she feels it mine. 2. In relationships when one person distances themselves with not much of explanation, is that avoidant attachment, or am I not hearing what they said? Does avoidant attachment people usually have many other partners, or are they really sitting alone somewhere trying to figure out there problems? 3. How do i create new boundaries with old friends or family? Example I've always allowed my mom to yell at me, and accuse me of things I didn't do. How do I convert that boundary .I've talked calmly and have asked please stop yelling at me. But it's soooo draining on me. Then she gives me the silent treatment. I live under my own roof on her property. I find myself running back to my little women cave and clicking on one of your talks. 😂 4. Also C-ptsd has gotten me into a lot of run-ins with the law, causing me to find it real difficult for employment. As my background is extremely lengthy.and after my interview its usually I'm sorry we have found someone a bit more qualified for the position. Good luck. I'm like, but this is McDonald's? Should I just go back to school? I'm 48 5. Do you ever have night terrors, or do they go away when your C-ptsd is healed? I have them often. Probably 3-4 a week. Always waking myself to a blood curdling scream, and sobbing. Meditation before bed is a hit and miss doesn't seem to prevent the terrors. 6. When is it good to take medication?
Each process their own raw emotion, then come back to discuss it afterwards. Then each deals with themselves, no matter what was going on functional or disfunctional, and takes responsibility for themselves, then the issues between each other can be seen more clearly, and dealt with more rationally. He just needs to decide hos own boundaries. Certain moods, regulated or not, are hers to deal with.
I was startled to hear that you had emotional flashbacks when awakened suddenly in the night. I thought I was the only one that had this problem, and it has caused me so much shame. I couldn’t even handle my own children coming into my room for comfort in the middle of the night. Luckily, my husband at the time always looked after it. Although I knew they were my kids, I was so terrified. I couldn’t be responsive to them the way I would have liked to have been.
CPTSD can be completely removed, but the depth to which you need to go into your own nervous system and the amount of work and discomfort that needs to be endured puts most people off. The sense of individual self is at the root of all egoic dysfunction but eliminating layers of self is not for the faint of heart. This is not beyond the realm of traditional psychology, it's fully supported by the object relations approach.
How does someone with CPTSD get into a relationship with a healthy partner? All my partners (that I CHOOSE to get in a relationship with, not just have a fling with) are also traumatized. I thought that’s kind of how it goes? Is it just the depth of how much you struggle with your cptsd? Most of the people in my ACA group, no matter what age, talk about how they’re abstaining from relationships because they can’t attract healthy partners - or keep them - . This is an interesting one to me.
I'm starting to have my doubts on whether I can keep my mentally healthy and emotionally stable partner after 1 year and 2 months. We need to have more conversations about this issue. Because it's hard for me to give up on him and I know I can't turn my back against someone healthy and stable for me due to my lower self esteem and possible C-PTSD
Well, I think that what Anna was saying is that in order to make the relationship work, both people have to be willing to invest in learning what they each can/must do to make it work. As far as abstaining....I am choosing not to be in a relationship right now because I know I'm not yet ready for the relationship that I truly want, which is unlike all of the relationships that I've had in the past. Best of luck to you on your journey.
When you work on your healing journey, especially fixing your attachment style, dysregulation, etc., You'll attract less and be less attracted to people who've not resolved their trauma.
I was just about to lash out at my friend about how she doesn't care about me, she doesn't even read my messages! (She does - she's just doing something else right now) And now I think this might be the perfect time for the Daily Practice. Huh. Magical! 😀🙌🌈🌠
I have recently had an emotional flashback with an online friend. I’ve had plenty of time to consider the circumstance and now I think he was purposely trying to trigger me.
When it comes to chores, I assume that nobody wants to do it unless one has flipped the activity into something cathartic and therapeutic. I heard a term called "Eat the Frog"; it's when you have a list of things to do for the day and it's the worst task on the list. A RU-vidr talked about they're going to "eat the frog" first thing. I wish chores weren't required for a pleasant home environment unless they were more fun to do. I wish sympathy for the chore-doer was expressed more while it's my turn to do them. Then I could express sympathy for someone whose turn it is to do a certain unpleasant chore. If one person wants to do them but not the other, maybe time for discussion of lowering standards for living environment and be okay with imperfection or else it gets on the incompatibility list if one person is super triggered by undone chores & the other members in the household are not. Too bad, they're not going away anytime soon 😭 Maybe downsizing as much as possible greatly reduces need for chores. Two birds with one stone, clear the physical & emotional clutter, do away with a bone of contention in my living environments!
It can be fun to do chores together. For example I grew up in a big family. I learned that doing dishes by hand is great for family team building/unity/leadership. It’s also very fast and gets faster with practice. Everyone does the dishes every time there are dishes, you just rotate the job. (Gathering and giving to washer person, washer washing, rinser rinsing, dryer drying and putting away, adjust based on how many people ate.)
My biggest struggle is that my fiance and I are both individuals that have suffered from childhood trauma, neglect and abuse. We both suffer from CPSD and we trigger each other unknowingly. We Definitely are in love and want to be together forever. I just know toxic behavior will start up again and again if we can't heal properly and learn the proper tools together. How would I even start? I'm at a loss.
@@aintnoneyabusiness7634 I would have given the same advice as @villaineramatriarchy, and I know not all men are abusive, BUT I also know what they say is absolutely true. As for having “trust issues,” men in general have shown they’re not that trustworthy. Don’t blame us for being wary.
Don't marry untill you both have separately done the inner work....healing, owning, being present to what comes up, name it, locate it in the body, it naturally releases. Blessings.
As someone with disorganized attachment and C-PTSD, who also happens to be very self-aware and empathic - don’t get with someone, period. You want someone securely attached that makes you feel safe? Guess what? You’re gonna make that person resent you. Heal and love yourself, then maybe think about a relationship. We’re broken, and that’s it’s not fair for a partner to put up with it. Sorry, but not sorry
Blaming, that's an interesting reaction! Cats do this. If, for example, a cat gets scared by a loud noise, they may blame you if you happen to be nearby at the time, even though you had nothing to do with the noise.
Is he wanting to ignore the requests she makes during or due to a flashback? Or only the ones that are due to flashbacks? As he is scared of her overusing it as an excuse, I can see that perception becoming a frustrating challenge. Another person can't know another individual's needs better than the individual themselves. That's a common codependency belief I have caught myself slipping into; I'll find that I have judged the person's behavior, as if I had all the same information goals and values that they had. That's not possible, it's their life, not mine. When a person's needs are best coordinated by a mature adult, usually it is a situation where the individual isn't considered an autonomous adult, able to provide their fully informed consent. One of the romantic relationship basics that I learned was that both parties involved are consenting autonomous adults, capable and willing to represent themselves and own their own behavior. If they can't, that signals to me that this person isn't emotionally available for romantic relationships; not like the kind I want, anyway.
Not trying to play devil's advocate, but what really is the difference between this trait and what you see with BPD? I've been quite certain I have CPTSD, but I also wonder to what degree I could be classified as BPD. I saw my sister and mother behaving in some classic BPD ways that I never have, my trauma has been more of an internal storm that is rarely externalized. What really differentiates someone with CPTSD from BPD, or is there enough overlap to say that they really are comorbid?
Do you know what causes BPD? Exactly the same things that cause CPTSD. There is very often a massive overlap. You are here wanting to learn, and that may be the only difference. Unfortunately, where they are at may be where they stay at, unless they also want to learn. But you can't make people change. Which I know (😢) can be very frustrating.
@@bridgetveldhuis4473 I've got to agree with the dude here. (To take your stupid woMYN-SPLAINING feminist "mansplainning" word back at you.) Too many women here, so I'm not gonna visit this channel much anymore, if at all again. "ACCOUNTABILITY IS KRYPTONITE TO WOMEN"-- great quote I heard from somewhere, and all you chicks know it's true too even though some of you are not guilty of it
I startle easily and loudly, but it doesn't really stick with me at all. It usually scares the startler[?] more! I've actually lost the ability to be tickled. I hear it's trauma-related. I almost miss the ability to be a little ticklish once in a while.
Thanks for another great youtube podcast..Just lately I am listening to a guy who is saying i only see 5 percent when I am conscious .. But the reaction are subconsciously Trigged 95 percent is subconscious is in the background.. This is something I am meditation on wise words Allen Australia 😉😎😎😎🤗🤗🤗😊😊😇😇😇
Wow, while I agree with what Anna has said here, I completely disagree with her interpretation of the letter she received. The person who sent the letter is looking for excuses to REJECT his partners very valid needs. He even came up with a pop psychology reason often used by abusive parents to avoid doing so -“If I give her what she needs, she’ll learn to be needy.” His way of saying this was “if I accommodate her requests she’ll have more emotional flashbacks” which gives him a reason to blame all her requests on emotional flashbacks and let himself off the hook for any self-reflection or compromise. Maybe Al-Anon would help the guy become more self-aware but it sounds like he’d use that group as an excuse for abuse as well. “I’m not responsible for your feelings” is a slogan used by abusive people everywhere. It’s true, but it’s used out of context - and as an excuse to be harmful. My intuition tells me this guy is looking for excuses to deny her and tell her she’s just having an emotional flashback and not look at himself. Then he wrapped it up in this pseudo-caring “well I don’t want her to learn to have more flashbacks.” Pure BS.
How do you know it's a flashback? I spoke with someone about something they said. She said she would never say that, she would never look down on me. When I recall her saying something inappropriate before. Or even saying she knows more about something than I do, when she never got to know me or cared to. So, idk I'm confused about the, I would never say that.
I'm going to be honest here - I've been in a relationship where the partner would claim to be helping me (as described in that letter) but was actually telling stories to get the "oh, poor me." I truly hope this guy isn't doing that. :/ It's one thing to understand a partner's struggles. It's another thing to go so far as write you for help in "handling" his fiance. He needs his own therapist - that's where he can share specifics and, over the long term, have someone figure out his own issues.
So...I think I need help. I turned 27 this year and the man I'm with (3 months) has turned 44 not long ago. I know the age gap is BIG, but I feel we could work with that. There's just one big problem: he has a 15 yo son. I really don't like that, because I'd love to be the number 1 person in the relationship, just like he could be my number 1 person. Is it my problem? Should I work on it or should I just...let it go and break up with him?
As a mom, the love I feel for my child is not the same I could feel for a romantic partner, but my kid comes first. You must be addicted to toxic relationships if you think that you have to be someone's everything and that person has to be your everything. No healthy relationship can be built on that. You have to allow people to have their own lives, families and interests while making time to be with you and being fully present. If someone is your entire world, if the relationship ends, your entire world will come crumbling down. It is bad for you and narcissistic to expect that from another person. I also used to believe that romantic love was devotion and pain and fell victim of that. And also, the man is too old for you. Baby daddies are some of the biggest rats out there, so instead of seeing the son as a problem, try seeing if the man is cordial and respectful to his ex and a good father. If he is not, run for the hills. He will treat you the same way.
I have a question that you might be able to answer. I am pretty sure that I have CPTSD and the daily practice has been super helpful to me, but I have found that holidays especially Christmas and Birthdays make me really sad. Is there a way to plan for these events so that I can find joy and be less unsettled by them?
I've been in too many relationships with women who never grew up. They act like insane selfish spoiled children. I study Psych every day, have had a degree in it since 1988, and still cannot find a single sane woman to date. I've pretty much given up. I've solved all my traumas, and cannot tolerate people who exhibit childish behaviors and irresponsibility. Unfortunately, these are the only types of people I seem to run across in life.
Nobody is perfect or mature all the time maybe in some cases u need to be more patient. Sometimes the person that triggers them or something needs healing too
Can you do a video on the difference between both gender cptsd please. i know it depends on context but i feel like the healthcare wants to turn me gay with accepting my feelings about it. do you have any insight, because as a man, i'm not very yoga type and i'm fighting the emasculation part of shame. i don't know how to get around the idea.
@ShintogaDeathAngel I believe men and women live different conditions and experiences related to their sex and i want to know what makes a difference because I'm pretty sure it's easier to heal for women since they are the more social gender of both( men care for women, not the other way around), not critizing or minimalizing the harm done. Even if I want to socialize, my energy is so negative that whatever I say, I'm the abuser in their eyes. So yes, I think we live different experiences related to where you're coming from as a person and sex is not an exception.
But part of my unmet childhood needs is attention i need from women..that will leave you if you express your emotions and shit and then they lie about the reason why they ghost you or half ghost you. What am i supposed to heal my childhood wounds all by myselft?
Yes exactly! It's your responsibility to heal your wounds - not somebody else's. Someone else CAN'T heal you, especially not by giving you attention. The person who traumatised you is to blame for your trauma. What does a stranger have to do with that? NOTHING. So it's no women's responsibility to heal you.
Join a community that's healing together. 12-step is a great place to find them. If there's no substance abuse component, some others that may fit are ACoA & Other Dysfunctional Families, SLAA, CoDa. TeamFairy
Nothing really matters we are but a tribe of bacteria that evolutionary has you think you are important but it's all we have life lol is apparently I will love you if you love me. As a child I realised most people are living a fantasy cheers from Australia and yes on my own since 12