Your Ex's REBOUND RELATIONSHIP Will Help You Get Your Ex Back! 

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That may or may not be true. Many rebounds are so short, they don't even make a real impact. And many end not because there was any abuse or negativity, just that there was no connection. And that is a direct result of your ex's feelings of deep connection to you.

She "pretended" but she also didn't...because her heart was probably never actually with the other guy.

@@pickingupthepieces_breakups would this be the reason why my ex insisted that he was single when I knew he monkey branched to a coworker?

@@Bluepearl187 I am so sorry to hear that! It is impossible for me to see into anyone's brain or motivations. People can have any number of motivations. Sometimes they are just not good people. 💔 I am glad he is your ex and wish you much better!

Sounds like a very rational decision. 👍

I give you a lot of credit for admitting that. First, ask yourself, if you want her back are you honestly ready and able to change your behaviors FOR THE LONG-RUN in a way that doesn't take her for granted and does give her your best? If you did (and didn't) do those things, it means that on some level you did not value her the way that maybe you do in retrospect. Why is that? Behavioral change is HARD and it takes a lot of work...and time. If you honestly want her back, it can't be that for a day or a week or two weeks you appreciate her and then go back to old patterns. I think that if you can be utterly sincere in your effort and commit to absolute change (most likely, that will require serious therapy or coaching...perhaps as a couple), talk to her. Tell her you love her and realize how you took her for granted and that you don't want that to happen anymore. Tell her you are committed to loving and respecting and valuing her...most women will accept that very, very happily, as long as there was no abuse involved in the relationship. Sincerity goes a long way. And behavior change takes a long time. Can you do both?

I wish you love ❤

@@pickingupthepieces_breakupsThank you! This experience is something I’ll never forget. 😢

My heart goes out to you and it's huge that you can acknowledge your role in the break up. First of all, I would recommend that you drop the narrative that he hasn't got much to live up to and instead take an honest inventory of all the great qualities you have and have to offer. Sometimes we lose sight of that when we are overwhelmed with dark emotions. Depression is difficult for both partners, and I also deeply appreciate that you don't make excuses for your behaviors, but understand how they affected her and you. Right now, your work is on healing yourself because if you go back into the relationship without fixing what is broken, it will just break again. To be honest, your healing may prepare you for a healthier relationship with her in the future. Or...it might serve for a healthy relationship with a new partner. Either way, focusing on yourself right now will be a very worthwhile investment. I can't guarantee that every rebound relationship will prove to be a less compatible partner than you were. But I can guarantee that she will be comparing. Whatever the outcome, you will grow as a person from the experience. I know that is probably not what you want to hear--it's not what I wanted to hear in my breakup--but I think in time, it will become clear that the lessons you get from this break up will truly serve you in all future relationships.

@@pickingupthepieces_breakups Thank you so much for your response. I am very aware that I caused the relationship to fail. I'm devastated that she already has someone new and the intense feelings of regret I have are nothing I've ever experienced. Because it didn't fail because we weren't compatible or right for each other. We had incredible chemistry and connection. We were so natural together. I know if I'd pushed myself to do more it would have worked. That's what I'm struggling to process. I am making steps to improve and work on myself to lift me from this depression and isolation. But I feel it's too late and I should have done this while I still had her. I just know this guy will fulfill all the needs that I didn't and she'll be able to make it work and persevere through thoughts of me to ensure it lasts and successfully move past the rebound feelings. I can't face trying to find someone else in future again. I've been around the block and I've never felt a connection like with her. It was other worldly.

@@pickingupthepieces_breakups Thank you so much for your response. As much as she may well be comparing, I do find it very hard to believe that I'm coming out of the comparisons more favourably than her rebound. If he so much as provided the bare minimum of time, effort and attention he's already going to be far better and she'll realise that. Because she's getting what I couldn't give. I also feel like as long as he continues to do the right things, then she will successfully persevere through the intrusive thoughts of me and suppress them enough in time that they pass and she will succeed in this relationship. All these videos I see on here about rebounds mostly failing are all well and good but it's very hard for me to find comfort in it. The way I see it is if the new partner makes them feel better than you did, then the comparison will be easy to deal with and therefore they'll make a success of the rebound. I'm struggling to accept the break up because I truly believe we are right for each other. I just need to address my mental health. The only thing I could possibly compete with in the comparisons is the level of connection we had. I've never felt such a deep, natural connection. It was other worldly. We were effortlessly comfortable around each other. I've never experienced anything like it and I've certainly been around the block. I just know she felt this too. But by the end I was simply dragging her down, impacting her mental health and making her feel unwanted. If the rebound addresses all of that how can it possibly fail? I miss her terribly.

Thank you so much for your response. As much as she may well compare, I find it really hard not to believe her new partner is coming out of it favourably. If he gives her the bare minimum of time, effort and attention then she's going to be happy, because I wasn't able to. I can't see why the rebound will fail if she's getting what she couldn't from me. I feel she will be able to persevere through the intrusive thoughts and make a success of it. I truly believe me and her are right for each other. I just need to address my mental health. The only way I may compete in the comparisons is the level of deep connection we had. It was other worldly. We were so effortlessly comfortable and natural together. I've never experienced anything like it and I've been around the block. I know she felt the same. I miss her terribly.

@@Forkner_SW I can feel the depth of your love for her. How clearly have you explained it to her? Also, are you in No Contact right now? It's the hardest--but most important thing--you can do. (My No Contact playlist will explain a lot and there are so many amazing relationship coaches on RU-vid, too. When it comes to No Contact, Coach Lee is the one who saved my life! I listened to him on repeat!) That being said, keep in mind that most relationships (rebound or otherwise) in this world do not work out in the long run. And the success rate of a rebound is even lower. Even IF her new partner "wins" this game, by no means does it mean that their relationship will last forever or even a long time. Keep in mind how deep your connection was with her. Connection is the most important thing. So, if your relationship broke up, why would she be able to go all the way with someone else with whom she likely has less of a connection? My suggestion is to go into full No Contact and every time you feel like you need to contact her, find some No Contact videos that really speak to you (make a playlist!) and listen to them over and over until the feeling passes. And take this time to heal. Then, when you are ready and know you can bring the best version of you to the relationship, you can tell her with your most sincere and open heart how much she means to you, how hard you have worked to be a better person for her, and how committed you really are to be the partner that she deserves. You can certainly tell her you're not perfect and there will be times when you slip up, but you are committed to doing your best because she means the world to you. And then I would come up with a plan together of the best way to proceed if you feel like depression is taking over again. Maybe it means time apart during those times. Or an understanding that there will be times that you need to be alone and that it's not personal, but the best way to save the relationship. But, heal and keep hope. When love is pure, it finds a way. ❤‍🩹

Just because she looks happy doesn't mean she is happy. If she ran from you to your ex-friend's arms, it means either (a) she is trying to make you jealous, (b) she is very hurt about your break up and thinks a new relationship will heal the wound (it won't), or (c) she has very low morals. IF you want her back...have you told her? Have you been sincere about your intentions? No one is a mind reader and she may very well be biding her time with this guy praying at night that you will come and ask for her back. But you have to take an honest look at the relationship you had. What past actions is she blaming you for? Have you had any personal growth to move you past those actions? Was she the kind of girlfriend who you really and truly want in your life? If so, remember that if old you goes back to old her, you will wind up with the same broken relationship . IF you do decide to tell her you are interested in getting back together, I would suggest an honest discussion about how both of you can show up for each other in a better way that makes both of you happy in the relationship.

@@pickingupthepieces_breakupsthank you for your reply, Honestly I was a bit toxic but we always argued because she would neglect me a lot. She would say we’re together and that she loves me but then present herself as friend in front of everyone. I would help her a lot.. when I confronted her after I found out she was seeing this friend of mine. She didn’t care at all she blamed me still seeing my ex as a friend and me being flirty with other girls which I wasn’t. The day I caught them out I tried to fight the guy and said a lot of hurtful stuff to her and also went and told her previous partner everything she was doing… that made her mad and that’s when she blocked me on everything and threatened to put a restraining order.. so I have left her alone since then. I don’t think I she will ever talk to me.. I don’t want her back after that betrayal but I can’t process how heartless she was to leave me for a friend and how unbothered she is.. makes me wonder if she even cared for me.. she seems so happy and living life.. I don’t get it

My ex was as textbook as BPD gets. Literally, every word ever written about who they are and what to expect came true to a T! Still...I think people are people and not textbooks. No matter how predictable their behaviors are. My BPD ex ran back to his ex-wife immediately after breaking up with me...and that lasted about a week. Maybe two. And...then he came (very enthusiastically) back to me. Twice. I am not a psychologist or professional therapist, but that was my personal experience... Here's what I do know: you already know your ex finds people disposable. And I don't even have to know you to know that you are NOT disposable. So, the breakup is a blessing. And may you be blessed with a wonderful parter who can love you the way you deserve to be loved. 🙏

@@pickingupthepieces_breakupsThat makes a lot of sense. I believe my ex disposed several including even a female. I should be grateful I dodged a bullet in a sense. I was split black so I’m sure they will never want me back. However like you said you can’t know for sure with Bpd. I’ll be surprised if the do come back since always seem to have new supply on standby. Why go back to old supply? I guess I’ll have to wait and see. Thank you for the reply!

@@oncallempath I guess the bigger question is not why she would go back to old supply (that's an easy one, because she knows you will supply), but why allow yourself to be old supply? Believe me, I know very well the desperate longing for a BPD ex to return--because they just have A WAY--but my humble suggestion is that you focus on healing yourself right now so you can move on to someone who doesn't use you as supply, but respects you as an equal and loved partner. 🙏

@@pickingupthepieces_breakups This bpd ex seems to have a very high ego. They would never even initiate a call or text until I did. After the break up I did reach out twice and got no response. They really do feel highly of themselves it seems. They seem very happy (so it appears) with there new supply. But I am slowly working on healing from the damages. I don’t think I would ever consider someone back especially after I know what they are all about. They never change or will never know what it feels like to truly love.

I have (quiet) BPD (diagnosed 2017) and have been working extremely hard to better myself over the past 6 years. I’m in therapy weekly and focusing on DBT. I recently went through a really rough breakup and while I don’t want to overly-pathologise my ex, he possesses a lot of negative qualities I recognise in my younger self. I’m doing my best (but still struggling) to heal in a healthy manner - no dating apps, no drugs or alcohol, letting my negative emotions wash over me and feeling them deeply, as mentioned earlier, weekly therapy, etc. Meanwhile he had a new guy lined up immediately - 4 weeks hadn’t even passed before he was on a flight from Indonesia to Australia to see this guy. Everything you’re saying about “supply” is absolutely true. I suspect he has a combination of BPD and somatic narcissism, so I shouldn’t be surprised, but it’s still extremely painful. The only option was to go no-contact.

You are not worse. If she is with a guy just one week later and saying these things, she is just being manipulative. Either trying to make you jealous, or trying to hurt you. But what she's saying isn't true. Communication is hard and we all make mistakes. But if she were such a pro at communication, she would talk it out. What I can guarantee is that she is comparing her new guy to you. Period. She can lie to you about that, but she won't be able to lie to herself. Are you in No Contact? I have a playlist on that and HIGHLY suggest it. Don't give in and let her win this game she is playing with you. Give her space and give yourself time to heal and also to figure out if you really want to be with a girl who behaves like that......

🙌

Hi Aimy, it may be healthier to stop watching Caitlyn's social media while you are trying to lovingly detach and heal. As with all of this, patience and waiting are simultaneously the hardest and most important parts of the process. Let her relationship run its course. She is on her own path right now. But if you really think that the new guy is a downgrade, don't you think she will realize that, too? 🙏

@@pickingupthepieces_breakups that last sentence hit me very hard, she might realize it or she might not even realize it because the guy is a cowboy and you know what they say about cowboys “they are the most respectful people” so I feel like i’m out of the circle with this one you know? But yeah i’m just struggling because I can’t believe she moved on that fast while i’m still not over her, so it just sucks right now.

@@Aimarsanchez I understand. It is very painful to watch, so it may be better not to watch. Would it be feasible to honestly focus on just yourself and healing your heart for a little while?

@@pickingupthepieces_breakups yeah i’m trying to focus on myself but it’s hard because me graduating from high school and dealing with life in general as a 18 year old and also facing a breakup, it’s like i’m facing two things in one in my life right now

@@Aimarsanchez i understand. is your work with your therapist helping? do you have a best friend or family member to help support you emotionally and be there for you?

Wow, Keith. That sounds less like a rebound and more like cheating to me. Maybe I am missing something, but it sounds like she was acting like your serious girlfriend and then went off with a different man? I understand 100% how that would really hurt! But is this a woman you are hoping will come back? I know from my own experience that love makes people sometimes want an ex who we know deep down inside is not good for us. Breakup recovery is so hard, but like all worthwhile things in life, it is worth the work because you will not only come out stronger, but also with greater clarity about the nature of the person you were in the relationship and the person you were with. 🫶

@@pickingupthepieces_breakups we were broken up and we didn’t really said that we were boyfriend and girlfriend we just acted like it matter of fact she was the one who was more lovey dovey than me. Then she was leading me on more in June and ig taking to the guy she ended up with too. But I’m like if I did came to be with her she would have broken up with the guy she was with so I dint know how serious they even were, because two weeks after she said she wants to be single she with the guy then moved in with him a month later. But was literally with me a month before and telling me she loved me and want me to move with her. I just dint know but she been with him since July and still is.but I dint know when she met this other guy or how long she knew him for. I dint even know if she cheated on him with me or not. But I doubt it since she came to me for a whole week. I dint know what guy would allow their girlfriend to even do that. But I’m just hurt and confused with everything and the way she lead me on.I’m just confused on when she met the guy I dint know if it was during we were a coupe or she started taking to him when we broken up for a month before she came to see me.

I can tell that your heart is in the right place and you are very sincere in your feelings for her. 🙏Also, I wish I could promise you that she will come back. Unfortunately, I don't know all the circumstances and though I sincerely wish I had a crystal ball, I don't. 😔 That being said, what I found out from my experience is this: with my last ex, I went into No Contact three times and he came back each time. It was VERY hard, but I took it day by day. And I spent that time trying to make myself a better person and a better partner, so when I did get another chance, the relationship would have a much stronger chance of lasting. ❤‍🩹 I have a lot of videos that talk about No Contact and how to best make it work. My best advice is to be very patient, to work on yourself, and either wait for her to come back or give yourself enough time to ground yourself before reaching back out to her. It is not a matter of 30 or 60 or 90 days, but as much time as it takes for both of you to get back to a place when you can reconnect without resentments or fears. Only love. 💕 I truly hope that you find your perfect partner. Either in your ex or in a new woman who is an even better fit for you.

I am sorry to hear that. 😔 do you think you were her rebound relationship from him...? Also, don't forget to separate your relationship from who you are as a person. It is possible that your relationship was worse (not every couple is meant to be), but that doesn't mean that you are worse. I hope you find a better, healthier relationship.

@@pickingupthepieces_breakups Their relationship ended two years before ours did, but yes I think so. He had dumped her and I think she continued to love him. I think she projected her love for him onto me.

i was in same situation but remember if you’re better than her ex( hers cheated twice) she will realise you are better

To me, it sounds like you know EXACTLY what the truth is. She misses you, loves you, and is trying to make you jealous. Question: do you really want her back? Not sure why you broke up, but if you feel like she is the one for you and you feel like you have grown from the experience, my guess is that she would be receptive if you told her that you still love her and would do what you need to to get her back. She wouldn't be reaching out to you unless she has strong feelings for you.

@@pickingupthepieces_breakups we didn't have a bad breakup except for it was out of left field for me. Love her dearly and she told me other night she almost came back a couple times but didn't. She thought I wasn't committed but after she left she found out I had an engagement ring which we talked about marriage last couple years. But in the end she said was too late even though I was willing to work on things. So I think she knows she has me as a backup option and is seeing where this goes with this new guy. She knows how I feel but on the last phone call I didn't express any of that. I ended up a positive note and gave her the breakup and will allow her to go through these stages with the rebound. Back in no contact. There was some stress with my ex wife and kids but nothing that can't be looked past and potentially fixed and I told her this stuff is temporary. Kids are getting older and want to be with friends. Also yes she is trying to make me jealous. Could she seriously be thinking marriage with this guy??? Low hanging fruit dude who she only sees on weekends because of her work? Would the stages take longer to get to because of the distance and lack of time together? It just makes no sense to anyone who knows her. They all are baffled by her decision.

Rebound relationships usually do not last, but of course, every situation is different. Do you feel like your wife is unfaithful to you? If she monkey branches from man to man, it is unlikely she will suddenly find her monkey and settle on a branch. As her husband (ex-husband?), you are her rock and her man-standard that she will measure all other men against. If she tries and discards men like old bananas, she will likely come back to you. I guess the real question is whether you want a woman who does that?

First of all, let me be honest that I am not a therapist. Just a person who went through a terrible break up for about a year, experienced so many different aspects of the healing process, and want to help anyone I can with the experiences I had. That being said, it sounds like your husband doesn't just take a rebound, but rebounds back and forth like a ping pong ball. To me, that means that he probably has strong feelings for both you and the other woman and is essentially keeping each of you in one back pocket to leave and come back to as fits his particular whims. The question I would seriously ask yourself is whether you are comfortable having a partner (of sorts) in your life knowing that if he comes back again (and my guess is WHEN he comes back again) he will be keeping another woman on standby that he may go back to at any time. TBH, my ex did something similar with his ex-wife. They have been divorced for eight years, but he ran hot and cold with her. He hates her. He loves her. He never wants to talk to her again. He wants to try again. As such, I felt he was never truly and fully present for our relationship and that was a factor that affected my decision to leave forever. Remember your self-worth. You are no one's back up plan. My personal suggestion is that you switch your focus away from him and onto healing yourself, moving on, and finding a man who will love and respect you the way that you deserve to be loved and respected.

Ty so much

Yes is the same lady he left me with before

He said he will file for divorce this Friday

@@XanRussell You can do better. And you DESERVE better! Do you believe that? If not, I think that is your work right now. Know your worth, beautiful woman!

Wow! I am so sorry to hear that and can imagine how much that might hurt. I am not a professional therapist (or a psychic), but in my personal estimation, (a) he was cheating for a while because who gets married in three months??? or (b) he is a very unstable person (and the marriage is unlikely to last), or (c) he is literally doing it to hurt you (and is only hurting himself! And the other woman!). Regardless of which it is, I do not think a man like that has any emotional integrity and is not worth your precious time. 🙏

@@pickingupthepieces_breakups we were just dating and before that he was my best friend for 8 years and he's not married yet I guess he did and engagement ceremony after 3 months of our breakup but was stalking my profile all the time before his engagement ceremony it's been 1 year I guess he's still not completely married to her in my knowledge because I stopped looking for him.

I wish I could read minds, but I don't know. Only she can know that. But it is very, very hard for a human to repress feelings. Feelings happen to us, whether we like it or not. If you behaved in a way that created negative emotions, chances are that she is definitely still thinking of you. And, over time, the negative feelings tend to give way to the positive memories. I am not a professional, but in my experience, if someone who hurt me comes back with genuine remorse, I accept it with an open-heart. Still...she may need some time to heal those wounds and you may want to wait a few months before contacting her again. We can't change the past, but if the relationship itself was generally good and you created a lot of good memories, they will come back to her. And a rebound relationship will trigger a lot of memories of your relationship. At that point, if her positive memories of you outstrip what she is currently experiencing in her rebound, you will win.

@@pickingupthepieces_breakups That makes me feel better. I have kept messing up and pushing her away, basically doing everything wrong post break up you could think of. We were together for 3 years and 8 months. I was her first real relationship (she was mine to) and her rebound is long distance (about 2 hours away). I finally stuck to no contact for about 2 weeks now, but in another 2 weeks our senior year of school starts up and we share the same class. We were best friends and did everything together (ate lunch tg, sat tg on the bus, walked tg, etc.) MY point is I'm worried what might happen then. It sucks losing a best friend AND partner that you shared the years of the life you're supposed to change the most. I'm worried I pushed her away too much and kind of proved her right by acting out. (Sorry for the long message)

I am so sorry to hear that. To me, it sounds like she was hurt because she thought you were with someone else and she felt taken for granted. Perhaps she is trying to make you feel bad because she felt bad. That is not a mature response, but an emotional one nonetheless. When you say you took her for granted, that is a big realization. IF you want her back, I think a sincere apology without excuses would go a long way. But if you are just hurt and confused by her actions and don’t want her back, it seems like a really good opportunity to work on yourself so you don’t take the next woman for granted and you can make a wonderful relationship. 🙏

@@pickingupthepieces_breakups working on that. I want her back honestly. But now its so weird she is making a life with another person right away. Don't know if whatever she felt and told me was real.... She ssumed stuff I was never with someone else was checking on that only. She blocked me of everything and send her father instead

James, I am not sure if you have seen my videos about BPD, but that is a whole other ballgame. I was also with a BPD partner and obsessed with when/whether he would come back…until I woke up and realized I was asking the wrong question. The right question was why would I ever want him back? I had to make a clean break from the abuse and resolve not to look back. I am not saying it was easy-it was a long and hard 24/7 healing journey for almost a month-but it was only when I was able to completely break free that I could move on and recapture my life and my personal power. It is harder with kids involved-and one of the reasons I stayed with him longer than I should have. But look out for you and look out for the kids…and try to be honest with yourself about whether you are healthier with it without her. 🙏

@@pickingupthepieces_breakups I know what you were saying, but she has done some work on herself. The effect that this is having on our kids is unreal. And to be honest, I had issues opening up which I addressed. Should I do no/limited contact and just let this new situationship see it self out? I would agree if we had broken up multiple times but it was only ones due to a lot of factors in our life & my career etc. A lot has changed since then.

I wish I had a magic wand and answer, but you have to balance what your heart and mind are telling you. If you are both committed to doing the work of personal growth and to strengthen your relationship, then my personal opinion is that it is worth fighting for. I don’t know the circumstances of why you left, but I think that No Contact is the best way for both of you to do the personal growth necessary and also figure out what you honestly mean to each other. In my opinion, the only way to get an honest and objective view of your relationship is to go No Contact for long enough that your relationship emotions can neutralize. But honestly use that time apart to work on yourself. I can’t emphasize that enough. For me, it meant a combination of intense therapy, AlAnon meetings, and nonstop work on my mental and emotional state. When we are so wrapped up in the emotions and confusion of a breakup, it is hard to think straight and heal. 🙏

…but I do promise she is comparing this new guy to you every day. Every time he disappoints her or doesn’t live up to what you offered her, she is thinking of you. 🙏

@@pickingupthepieces_breakupsthankyou so much means a lot X

Most of the time, I agree! Sometimes, though, relationships are worth salvaging. This is the flip side (your side!): ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-fTeD1V6cGNg.html

​@@pickingupthepieces_breakups what's are you talking about?

@@pjmoney1959 whenever someone has a breakup, regardless of their lingering feelings (good or bad), their minds will keep comparing new partners to their ex. it is just human nature. i've seen this happen and experienced it. it can go both ways. ↔️

Then you find a new partner that is a better fit for you. BTW, no one is better than you. But some partners are better partners for each other.

There is no such thing as “better than you” - they are just different than you. What metrics are we using to measure our self-worth? Attractiveness? Career success? Wealth? None of these things matter. When you’re eulogised one day, nobody is going to care about how attractive or successful you were, they are going to care about the positive impact you had on their life through your kindness, compassion and empathy. Nobody is better than you. Please try to remember that. 🙏🏻🙏🏻

@@RoryMadigan 💯

​@@RoryMadiganlove this

boy, i wish i could answer that question. they can last a day or they can last forever. every relationship is different. but here's what i can tell you: regardless of how long they last, your ex's new partner will constantly be compared to you and constantly measured by the standard that you set. if they don't live up to you, your ex will realize it pretty darn quickly!

@@pickingupthepieces_breakupsperfectly said love😂😂😂❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉my ex cheated on me and ended up getting a widow pregnant her husband wasn’t even buried a year before she was on a dating site and met my ex so now he left me for her and she already had 5kids now total6😂he moved in with her in the same year and he called me all the time I didn’t answer for 6months go by he still calling😂😂❤❤❤so I decided to answer just to see what he had to say he scream why you no answer 😆 I said you move on with your life darling he said no I’m coming back he said she’s nothing like you she say I can’t drink he say you never told me I couldn’t drink he said this is a different type of woman 😂I laughed so hard gurl it was so funny ❤🎉he knew he fuck up bad because we didn’t have problems and like you said it hit different when you have a connection with someone and we had the perfect connection chemistry was beautiful I told him stay with her take care of your child he’s so torn he started shouting I Love You out loud an kept saying it I said good night and hung up 😂