Your favorite internet dating coach, relationship coach, and life coach! Specializing in all things to do with dating and relationships. Book a 1:1 session to help address your situation!
Emotional Intelligence Course now available! Free courses also available. Click link in bio to access courses and book 1:1 zoom video sessions!
he never took ownership and blamed me and NEVER tried to earn my trust back. He just put me through hell for a month and a half after I discovered his affair. then we broke up because that's all he could take- a month and a half. He's living a lie still. have fun with your nurses while it lasts Johnny.
my ex. to a T. he cheated on me for four years. when I finally discovered he was cheating on me after 16 years of our relationship, he broke up with me and went back to his affair partner. I'm hoping this statistic is true.
We are all struggling with the same thing, the person that you once knew is long gone and never coming back, mourn them or think of they moving across the world with a one way ticket!! Start reducing those unhealhy habits that reminds you of them, start removing items of theirs and block them, its for your own good, they moved and so should you.
I have a question if anyone could answer please… my avoidant ex asked for a break/space. It’s been 5months. He has spoken to me here and there but he doesn’t think I am gone completely. Last week I msg him to check in and to invite him to meet up when he’s in my hometown in August. We meet every year and I had hope 😆 Anyways I know he thinks he can have me whenever he wants. Should I send a msg to him stating my boundaries and that him ghosting me isn’t okay? Otherwise I think the fear I’ve left hasn’t set in yet.
I'm a dismissive avoidant. I actually watched this video To see why I made these excuses. I'm trying to learn and trying to heal. This is a Great tool for me. And you nailed it
“I can’t give you what you want, need and deserve.” Yep, got that line a few weeks before and the time of his break off. I tend to internalize statements like this. Instantly I thought it was my fault, but I only wanted communication and words of affirmation. He was absolutely deactivated and shut down. Was a hard three months of healing. I feel much better now, but still sad and disappointed that he couldn’t reciprocate.
Yep my avoidant person deactivated and shut down when I expressed my needs for affirmation and communication like in your situation. I was told Im too needy and think too much. Trying to heal now. It’s hard. It will take months for me to heal from this connection. As it’s the second amount of time we connected together after meeting first time over 20 years ago. I thought they had changed but they hadn’t - it’s worse as they are more avoidant than ever.
my goodness!! @@Feijoagirl You have known him over 20 years ago?! And now you meet him again? It turned out to be even worse - oh my God! Run away quickly! The sooner the better! That would be a disaster! !
I'm glad he had the self-awareness to admit he has trouble meeting your needs. It's much more kind and authentic than "You expect too much", "You are too needy" etc.
Yup. All I wanted to know was what time she wanted to have dinner at (which I was making) and that provoked a response in capitals saying that I was pressuring her.
Amen I receive sb who makes me feel like I deserve love and they give me effort, love and commitment-energy in return. I will not sell my self short. Amen I connect and receive this miracle in the name of Jesus hallelujah 🙌 glory be to God ☦️🕊
Me too - they weren’t into me. I communicated what I needed from them to feel reassured as I never knew where I stood with them. If they wanted to they would make an effort to work things out. So it was all lies about them loving me.
Sometimes it hurts so bad it feels like he died and sometimes it would’ve been easier if he did. I will never be the same. I feel worse than before. Loss hurts more than love feels good. It gets harder every time. I’m better off alone.
I wanted more than 5 days ( a week) not a citytrip with him after not seeing for 6 months.He got annoyed. Now i'm getting the cold shoulder. No affection,(video)calls, when i bring up personal deep talk, i get dismissed. I feel anxious. doesn't matter what i try, i can't do right. I'm the problem.
It’s my first time ever experiencing this. Met an avoidant woman this year who shows all the signs of an undiagnosed BPD/NPD person. The most horrific thing I’ve ever experienced and I’m trying to pick up the pieces of my former self and also find myself again. Coach here has described the type of avoidant she is perfectly. It’s absolutely unreal.
One question from a specific condition: Assuming we share the same group of friends and of course after ending the relationship she wanted to still be friends to not create any drama in the group, I know I want to do no contact until I'm fully healed (or forever). How can I do no contact if we will still hang around in the same group of friends let's say every week or every 2 weeks? I know I will not talk to her and just maybe greet her from the distance but, does this work for the no contact? How can I still send the messahe that I have dignity and doesn't see me as somebody disposable? Thanks!!
First month i was not able to accept it but there is one mandatory condition if you want your avoidant back after they dumped you: They have to be the one to brake no contact and most importantly you - have to not react. no response. Radio Silence. That is the moment, they can for the first time miss you. And after this, everything can completely change. After that, you are maybe for the first time the one with the power in hands. Not them. If you think they will forget, it's completely opposite, this is the moment they can start to chase you for the first time. Just like you them.
My mom is a dismissive avoidant. Hit the nail on the head. I grew up anxiously attached, found myself eventually becoming more secure, dated an FA and started leaning anxious again. Sigh. Finding my way back to secure one day at a time
It’s clear that this guy has or had an anxious preoccupied attachment style by his whinny description of DA😂. DA doesn’t need a perfect partner… they desire a partner who doesn’t make them responsible for their needs that we ourselves don’t outsource to get met. Like how were you surviving before “me” type bewilderment is what they feel. Just because you have a relationship doesn’t mean you can put all of your selfish burdens on the DA. Which most anxious attackers tend to do without regard for the DA burdens they are handling themselves. Anxious attachments don’t see how selfish they are by giving DA what they never asked for and frankly don’t need from them, with the ulterior motive to get back what they fraudulently have given. Now do you see the dilemma???😅 Good!
I had such an experience 2 years ago, when I was already in a messy situation (not love-related). I ran into a friend from childhood and thought I was in heaven... Long story short, not only did he tell me so many lies and cheated on me, he also dumped me like trash all of a sudden, and then would drive past my place and where I hang out with that woman making gestures as if she'd won at a competition while he would smile... He apologized a year ago just to tell me he could have done worse... He didn't want 40 years of friendship to end... I declined.
Omg! #3 Now now avoidant ex, who I ended things with a week ago, told me in the very beginning, “I want an easy relationship.” In retrospect, I should have asked him to define what that meant! It took me two years to see his behavior of what that meant. What a headache.
Remember people, anyone who saw you cry because of them and did nothing to change anything, to stop your crying and let you alone, is not a good person, especially if they claim they love you...
