A SGM sicks the MP's on a Chaplain for wearing headphones?! 

Here is one for you. SGM told us at the time "You can't wear your soft cap outside of the motorpool and you can't wear your beret in the motorpool." So we had to bring our berets and soft caps with us every day.

You should mention the other chaplain picked him up. Jesus homies ride together and die together.

While driving my crusty old CSM he had me filling the comsec in the truck, because he couldn't figure out these "new radios". So this blue pickup cuts us off and almost runs us off the road. Out pops a sergeant major. Guy walks up to my driver side window and starts screaming to me about base regulations (if you're going to use a communications device while operating a vehicle, the communications device needs to be hands-free). Then I sank as far into my chair as humanly possible as my CSM got out of the truck to go have a no holds barred knife hand screaming match with this other SM. When CSM got back in the truck he gave me quite possibly the most valuable piece of advice any NCO has ever given a specialist. "When you get promoted, don't be a cunt like that."

I was stationed as a Corporal at Camp Lejeune while in the Marines. The rule was no wearing of PT gear inside any businesses on base. I was getting gas on base in PT gear but was going to pay at the pump. I was about to insert my card when I hear “hey devil dog” from a big black Gunny. I ignored him at first Bc he was saying “devil dog” on an MC base and could’ve been talking to anyone. I insert my debit card and he says loudly “hey devil dog” so I look at him and said “how can I help you sir?” He said “first off I’m a gunny and you’re not supposed to go into any establishments on base in PT gear!” I said “roger that gunny, I’m paying at the pump and not going inside.” He then says “ you need to phone a friend or girlfriend if you need gas because you’re not getting it here in PT gear!” I then told him “I guess I’ll get it off base in PT gear” as I’m taking my card out and he then tells me “ that’s also against the rules” and I then went to a parking lot and sat in my vehicle until that dickhead left the gas station and went back and got my gas in PT gear. A lot of good soldiers, sailors, and Marines get out of the military Bc of Karens running around like hall monitors.

Angry Cops over here lookin like a buff Dr. Phil.

True story: Kandahar Air Field (KAF) Blackwater contractor runs route next to airfield. US Army LtCol sees contractor running without reflective belt and while wearing ear buds. US Army LtCol pursues blackwater contractor. US Army LtCol catches up to blackwater contractor and rips his earbuds out while he's running. Blackwater contractor slams US Army LtCol and rear naked chokes him on the flight line until he passes out. Investigation launched. Investigation stops dead in its tracks. Blackwater contractor found out to be retired Full Bird Colonel.

I had a guy in civies tell me I wasn’t allowed to be in the commissary with a gun. I’m a master at arms.... literally security for the base...🤦‍♀️

Our entire division wasn’t allowed to roll our sleeves in the summer because some general had a skin condition. So if he couldn’t, no one could. I wish I was making this up.

Sgm: I need to see your cac! Chaplain: no, that's gay Sgm: (visible rage)

I was an e4 walking through the motor pool when SGM saw me by myself. He stopped me and asked where my battle buddy was. I replied, Jesus is my battle buddy SGM.... Needless to say I almost met Jesus a few moments later! Hahaha

2010, I was assigned to a 3-Star HQ and we just came back from Iraq. This was my 4th combat tour since 9/11. We had a mass PT formation on the first Monday after everyone got back. Now, while deployed, I was promoted to CW3 and I was instantly granted the ability to see beyond all bullshit. I rolled up to the PT formation with my battered silver coffee cup, drinking my precious coffee before PT. Out of nowhere, this SGM from the G3 starts screaming at me for having the SHEER AUDACITY to come to the parade field/PT formation area with a coffee cup. He DEMANDED to know who was my NCO and who did I think I was. I introduced myself and kept drinking my coffee. Later that day, my boss, an O6 COL, came up to me and mentioned that an irate SGM was throwing a fit about my coffee cup. He asked me to either leave it at my car or just skip PT formation. I even made a point to say hi to him as I was out processing the unit for a Joint assignment. He hated my guts. F*k that SGM. I'll drink my coffee wherever and whenever I want.

I was AF stationed at Ft Gordon where they trained the Signal Corps. There was an CWO3 Ranger in my language refresher course and as were were walking from chow back to class he got a phone call. We stopped (as was the rule att) so he could answer and as he did, a DI from one of the training groups saw him, assumed he was lower enlisted and proceeded to start screaming at him as he approached us. The CWO looked at me and said "watch this." He took several seconds of berating before he turned his head so the DI could see the rank on his beret. The DI froze and started apologizing. CWO calmly thanks him for "enforcing the standard" and ends with "But in the future SSG, if you're gonna correct someone, make sure and TAKE YOUR FUCKING HANDS OUT OF YOUR POCKET!" SSG startles and takes visible steps backwards before saluting with a "Yes, sir. Have a good day, sir." As an Air Force SSgt, this was pure hilarity.

As a national guard chaplain, I can assure you, the only thing more out of regs than my haircut is my attitude. Errah.

While I was overseas my Captain notified a Sergeant that his taillight was out. Later that day he was asked to give a statement at the MP station about said taillight. He was then detained at the MP station for “not reporting” the damaged property and lost his license to drive on post. After he was released he walked to the parking lot and reported every MP vehicle for having a scratch on it.

"Sergeant Major of the Universe" should be a space force rank.

My friend was smoking and joking with a bunch of other Marines. It was one of those hurry up and wait moments. They had been waiting for like 3 hours, so they were shooting the shit, and laughing, when a First Sergeant walked by and said, “Hey Marines, secure that happiness!!”

I bet Donut Operator is proud of that mustache

While in afghanistan our SGM strongly encouraged everyone to buy deployment hats...when we got them we were banned by the same SGM from wearing said hats

Anyone else devastated he he didn’t rhyme “Jesus is cool” with “this dude is a fool”?

One of the most mentally and emotionally traumatized men I ever met in the military was a chaplain. He watched a Soldier he had been working with for a long time hang himself on a Skype call and it happened so fast they could not get to the soldier in time. He just had to watch it while trying to beg him not to do it. Crazy when you think about it

I could provide a high quality comment here that adds to this video but I'm not that witty. So I'll just say that's the most realistic hand phone I've ever seen, them pinkies.

"Don't mess with me; I have the power of God and Raycon on my side!"

And the army wonders why retention rates are so low.

I was wearing really tight pt shorts and walked by the front of my unit while SgtMaj was out. He looks at me and says "hey I can see your heartbeat devil dont wear that shit again" I think he has a crush on me

I'm just imagining the Chaplin trying to wave his hand like a Jedi: "You have no power over me."

"A defense official told Military Times that one soldier who went to retrieve Thomas jokingly brought along a nail file tucked away inside a Bible, presumably to aid the holy man’s escape."

I love hearing these kind of stories while wrapped up in the comfort of my DD214.

There’s no fucking way that this guy has never forgotten his Cac in the computer and gone home. Nothing worse than than having to get an escort on base the next morning and finding it frozen in the middle of a gallon of water.

"If you're wearing white socks, you can't enter the chow hall." This one i heard by more than one USMC 1stSgt in Helmand.

Here's one for you in 2004 at fob Salerno Afghanistan I got shot and my left arm was damaged and it was the first time I'd ever been prescribed opiates LOL. Now granted this was somewhat my fault but I was carrying items back from the PX in my right hand because I couldn't use my left and it was muddy outside from snow melting. This army Sergeant Major and a major general are walking by and I just stopped and stood at attention and have the greeting of the day without saluting. Keep in mind I was the only Marine back at my base because I was the only one flown back and the rest of my unit were still out laying hate and everyone but this asshole knew I was the one that got shot. So he commences to start chewing my ass out and telling me what a disgusting person I am for not saluting a general when I walked by. Funny thing is, he's the one that ended up getting his ass chewed just a little because the Major General was understanding and knew that I was the one that got shot because he came in the medical tent when it happened and gave me his coin. No big deal just a fun little story.

The Army would be LOST without career Specialists. They're the smartest soldiers in the ranks.

When I was in MNF-I and serving on Camp Slayer in 2007, our CG (who was the S-2 under Petraeus) went to a briefing in the Green Zone. His flight back actually left an hour earlier than expected and we didn't hear about it until he was already in the air. So I had to rush out and slap on the GO plates, jump in the land cruiser, then hall ass to get to the helipad on Camp Victory before he landed. Now this is normally a half hour drive and I needed to be there in less time than that because the flight is much shorter. So here I am, an E5 at the time, hauling butt at double the posted speed limits through Slayer, under Route Irish (which is how you got from Slayer to Victory), and onto Victory. I was driving a black land cruiser with black tinted windows and 2-Star GO plates on it. So of course a Camp Victory MP pulls me over. This ratty looking E2 who took forever to come up to me and when I jumped out of the truck to started shouting at him to hurry the F up, he became even more of a dip shit. Talking 'bout "do you know why I pulled you over?" and I was like "Yea, now hurry up the general is landing in a couple minutes". So he takes his time writing the ticket. Finally he gets to the point where he needs my commander, so I tell him Major General L*BEEP*. And he is all no no, who do you actually work for so I repeat myself. Finally he tries no, who is your boss? And I told him "MF'er, did you miss the stars on the plate when you walked up?" So he finishes writing out the ticket and I tell him I have to drive even faster, so if he wants to pull me over again he can chase me all the way to the heliport. I peeled out of there and peppered the heck out of him with gravel, but he didn't chase me. I could have told him I worked for CW5 A*BEEP* who was my rater or COL D*BEEP* who was actually my senior rater rather then the 2 star who was my reviewer, but F' him I was driving the general's truck. So I manage to pull up at heliport just as the bird was flaring out for a landing. Hopped out, met the general, grabbed his bags, and got him in the vehicle. It seems some ground fire had caused the bird to divert from their expected course which actually made the flight take enough time that I just managed to beat it. Fine by me, don't want the general sitting around waiting. Told him I got a ticket on the way and he asked for it. Looked it over, said ok, and crumpled it up before tossing it in the back. Damn it, I'm going to have to find that thing. But nothing more was said of it and the MPs didn't call. Now if you have ever gotten a ticket on a camp in Iraq, trust me the MPs will call your unit. Often that same day. So something was up here. So a few days later, when I had some free time I made the drive down to the MP station, because you know, I have to drive on the base. Kinda hard to drive the general or drop off the daily read book for Petraeus when you can't. Told the guy at the desk I was there because they never got a hold of my unit. He couldn't find my name in the system, did I have the ticket? Yes I did and here you go. Then he told me to wait and went to get the NCOIC on duty at the time. Now this guy was a squared away and rather grumpy SFC. So I told him who I was, where I got the ticket, and what I was doing at the time. "So you were going to pick up your general who was flying in early?" Yep. "And you were driving his vehicle, with his plates?" Yep. "And you told the general?" Why do you think the ticket is crumpled up? "Ok, I'll take care of it". Guess the guy was on duty at the time because the MP SFC ripped into him so loudly we could hear it at the front desk. Something along the lines of "WTF is wrong with you!? You pulled over a general's vehicle with its plates on?! And then held them up when they had somewhere to be?!". The ass chewing was still going on loudly when I left.

When I waa a Drill Sergeant at Fort Jackson we would alternate male /female cycles. During female cycles the Post SGM would run around with binos and hiding in bushes etc.. Trying to find Drill Sergeants doing something wrong. One morning Post SGM had me report to his office, said he had heard me singing nasty cadence with a female platoon. I answered back NO SGM No you did not! That infuriated the SGM he sprang out of his chair all 128 lbs of him and slammed his hands on his desk. He said I heard you Sargeant I heard you say "Fore Play"!!! As the SGM was having his meltdown I was running through my head what he might have heard?? Then it dawned on me... During morning PT I was singing the cadence "Up in the morning at the break of day, we do PT just "for play..." The only reply from SGM was get out of my office SGT.

CSM: get off my grass PSG: why can we do tough pt on grass but can’t walk across it while in duty uniform? CSM: go get your 1SG

Not being able to drink from a bottle and walk at the same time always thought that one was dumb got so used to it that it took me almost 4 months after I got out to realise I could walk and drink at the same time

SMG to me... "Give me one good reason you're walking on my grass, soldier". Me to SMG... "If God didn't want grass walked on, he'd have put it on clouds, and even then it would be an option for Airborne". [Points to jump wings while looking at his wingless blouse] I actually got away with this... I think he was in shock.

I was stationed at the former "Sandpoint NS" back in the early 90's. They used our hangars to film much of "Sleepless in Seattle"(there were mock up's of the Empire State building and other houses). Anyhoo....we were told we couldn't talk to ANY of the movie people. Actors, producers, carpenters....whatever. Then one morning, I was walking past their set where they had a big buffet breakfast out for them (outside) and I heard "Hey, want some coffee"? It was Tom Hanks asking if I wanted a coffee with him. Needless to say....I broke the F outta that rule. Super cool guy and then says "Hey....wanna see Meg outta makeup"? and went and got Meg Ryan outta her trailer to sit with us. I was sweating bullets....but ended up talking baseball, drinking coffee and eating a danish with them!lol!

We weren’t allowed to talk inside the shop one day because the LT said we were “too” loud for her liking so she made us sit in silence. Which didn’t really work being we were in a call center for the Navy ships help desk. So we just called each other on the landlines and talked anyway and she couldn’t say anything about it.

I was an MP long enough to have realized that if you want to get away with a serious crime, you should commit that crime on a military installation.

Gunnys on the third floor of the barracks, sees a marine with his hands in his pockets, calls him out. Said marine looks at him takes his hands out, then rams em back in and carries on with his conversation. Gunny flies down stairs to the marine, whips him around by the shoulder and commenced berating and knife handing the individual. Knife hand became a salute, and berating became a proper greeting of the day 😆

Sgm when someone goes missing: I sleep Sgm when someone is wearing earbuds: R E A L S H I T

Being a Warrant Officer is the only thing that could have added to the chappy's disregard for the rules.

Flashback to me, a freshly pinned SGT at Fort Hood, marching my squad back to the battery. It was after post PT hours because my battalion had to be extra hooah and do PT 15 minutes longer than anyone else, and as we are marching down the sidewalk and a SGM comes jogging up to us heading the opposite direction. I give a simple “good morning, SGM.”, to which I’m met with “why the fuck yall walking on the sidewalk?” I was at a complete loss for words, i literally turned to the squad and was like “ok...yall heard that shit too right?”

Command Master Chief had off duty sailors repeatedly go topside to sweep water off the deck of our ship... in the middle of a monsoon... in port.

"If you're on time, you're late. But I don't want any of you here early, because then I have to come in early. Be on time." Wait, what? ...So I'm supposed to always be late at this Unit???

Chaplain: **exists to encourage the soldiers and talk with them about problems, but most importantly spread the Gospel and remind them of God's protection** Also Chaplain: **vibing to relieve stress** SGM: "yo go get him lmao"

Lmao thank u for saying CAC card

I was SF in the USAF. Just retired. (Small Dance Party). I was dispatched to the PX/BX a few months back cuz a woman sneezed and someone said they saw particles come out of their mask. The person that called complaining and saying they wanted to press charges for “assault and battery” was a 0-3s wife. Low and behold my leadership told me to take a statement just incase there was anything to follow up. Like if the so called “ assailant” were to sneeze on anyone else.... through a mask...

“Hey guys we don’t have real rounds so just fake the recoil and say out loud -budget cuts-“

" Real life can be so ridiculous, you'd think it was fiction " Angry cops.

My husband is an Army chaplain and I sent this to him. He has probably watched it 30+ times now.

So I had a Sgt tell me and a bunch of my buddies a while back ago that his unit had just gotten back from a deployment, and a corporal had committed suicide only a few days after they had gotten home. Now everyone knows that suicide just isn’t okay, especially in the military, shit really blows. But the good ol’ SgtMaj decided that he needed to make an example of this Marine’s poor decision. So at the guys funeral a few weeks later or so, his parents and his wife present, the SgtMaj decides that he is going to publicly NJP and Posthumously demote the Marine for violating the UCMJ where it essentially says it’s illegal to commit suicide, which was somehow okay’d by the BN CO. Not exactly the same thing, but it was the closest thing I could think of. Still a really stupid rule.

We had a base SgtMaj complain about how we were speeding for QRF. So he replaced the tank tracks speed bumps with 26inch talk cement speed bumps. That completely destroyed every base bus. Well when he saw that we were driving around his speed bumps. He erected hesco barriers along the road. Which eliminated the run path. Needless to say out Quick Reaction Force turned into a “moderate amount of speed reaction force.”

Why mess with a Chaplain? They’re usually the most level headed people on base.

2014 Camp Buehring. Speeding tickets for going over the posted speed limit, wait for it, on a bicycle. Oh, but wait, there’s more. Also getting a ticket for riding your bicycle off of the paved roads.

"He got out of his VEE-HACKLE" from now on, this is how I pronunce 'vehicle'. Thank you for your service.

The 'stache kinda makes you look like a younger Dr. Phil.

Rumor has it his mustache has 4 confirmed kills.

I was on post buying groceries. A Sargent, E-5 mind you, walks behind me while I’m buying cereal. I didn’t notice him, but while I’m standing in line, I feel a tap on my shoulder. The Sargent says sternly, “you didn’t give an NCO the greeting of the day.” I reply,”good afternoon Sargent.” No only did I not have eyes in the back of my head, but I wasn’t wearing my uniform.” - The Army

Had a buddy rip ass in formation at quarters. Ironically he got his ass ripped about ripping ass in formation. Kept his military bearing through the whole ass chewing. Everyone else was trying not to die from the toxic fumes and laughter.

Here's one for you. When I was in the Navy, you were not allowed to wear your working uniform off base. Well, one day, my CMC decided that you were not allowed to wear PT gear off the ship, unless you were going for a run on base. It just so happened that I lived close enough to base that I would ride my bike and in doing so, I wore PT gear to and from home. I tried to leave to go home, because I didn't have any other clothing, and wasn't allowed to leave the Quarter Deck. I had to hand walk an emergency request chit up my chain, just so I could wear PT gear off the ship and go home.

"Don't directly piss on the urinal cakes" still don't know why.

I was running at the track on base in a tank top and got stopped by a staff who said it was unprofessional to wear a tank top on base. He was also wearing a tank top. As were many other people on the track, we were doing a charity run and the matching t-shirts for our squad were tank tops.

When I was a PFC we were doing a field op with the whole brigade. We were assigned to play op4 for another battalion and so we set up positions on roof tops in this make shift town in the training area. My unit gave us miles gear for our bodies and our helmets but did not give us any for our weapons, they also didn’t give us batteries for them. Being a PFC (almost a SPC) I was very confused but when I asked the obvious questions I was just told to shut up and go on the roof of a building and wait for the fighting to start. Now as me and the other soldiers in my team were on the roof waiting, the brigade SGM rolled up on us with his gaggle of COs and 1SGs. Me being the highest rank in the team the burden fell on me to answer questions. I proceed to get my ass chewed by the brigade SGM because none of us had complete miles gear sets and the gear that they made us put on didn’t work. And he was asking why our unit didn’t have this stuff and why we didn’t issue it to our soldiers, me, a Private First Class. And the best part is all the Captains and 1SG were all like “yeah yeah! It’s this guys fault, definitely not ours” I lost a lot of brain cells that day.

I’m still waiting for AC to hit 1 million so we can see his basic training video.. I bet that will be hilarious 😂

2003 82nd ABN, Firbase in Afghanistan: "Why are these sandbags outside the tents so dirty? Get them cleaned up." Had to sweep dust and dirt off of burlap sandbags.

"Doo be doo woo bop boop MAH HEAD JAZZ..." THIS NEEDS TO BE A T-SHIRT.

Zach from mikeburnfire had a story about fort Polk where depending on which senior NCO he was reporting to he had to bring in a different beret for different grooming standards between the two.

SGM is angry at me because I am not present for room inspection, well maybe that is because I was still on duty on the other side of the base.

I’m going back to 1991, the workshop bars fridge had died, and in the process of replacing it had left the new one outside the barracks whilst manoeuvring the old one out, In the few minutes this would take, the RSM (Regimental Sergeant Major) was passing by and saw the new fridge and was so incensed by the offence of having something stain his perfectly kept areas that he called the Regimental Police out to remove it and lock it up in a cell. The offending fridge stayed in that cell for a full 48 hours until released back into the grateful arms of the Technicians who no longer had to endure warm lager. Anyway. Thanks for being so entertaining and please keep up the great work.

So, I'm marching my squad to the gym for PT. We have to go over some loose gravel and up the curb in icy conditions. Knowing I am going to give an unfamiliar command. I explain how to execute the command. Then, I give the command "At ease March". SGM Random literally jumps in front of me, yelling. He locks me up at parade rest and gives me the dressing down in front of God and everyone. Meanwhile, my formation is still marching without me! Wanna know why he stopped me? He said that the "proper command" would have been "Route step March" and then tell them to stay quiet. It was so bizarre that I had to look it up. "Did they change the regs or something?" I thought to myself. Nope. As a matter of fact Route step is described as a MODIFICATION of At ease March!

Had a Chief make me shave 3 times in one day with a old ass razor because he couldn't believe i grew facial hair that fast and I was obviously missing spots. Thanks to the terrible reazor burn I got guess who went to medical and picked up a permanent no shave chit.

"Don't run without a reflective belt." Looks at 17 hours of North Dakota sun.

You can bet the SGM had a bone to pick with that chaplain before he saw those headphones.

"You can't walk outside without your PT belt hanging over your left shoulder, you can't be inside with PT belt on shoulder, needs to be on your hip." So everytime you go outside you have to take it off and extend it or else you get Staff duty.

Having your uniform corrected by sergeant major during a fire fight.

After running circuit drills for an hour straight, I'm marching my soldiers back to barracks about 5 minutes before the official end of PT. The BN CSM stops me and says that we should be training to time, that brining my soldiers back to the barracks prior to the 'official' end of PT was shortchanging them.. So I look at the CSM who is wearing a clean and dry PT uniform, with no visible sweat anywhere, then I look at my thoroughly sweat soaked squad...and I say 'roger Sergeant Major'. I call the squad to attention and say 'be at the motor pool at 0900 according to previous stated standards. You are dismissed to PT on your own for the next (look at my watch) 3 minutes. Dismissed'. I then turned to the CSM, gave him the greeting of the day and moved out smartly.

When I was in Afghanistan, SGM fired my platoon sergeant midway through a mission for one of our squad leaders wearing fingerless gloves. Still the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen. Our battalion spent more time watching us with pgss for uniform violations while on patrol, than they looked for the enemy planting ied’s.

Checking fresh into a new base after three years in Japan. Was told I couldn’t drive because my drivers license expired. Sixty day exemption was clearly in the regulations in keeping with the laws of the state of California. Guard would not budge. Left went to DMV renewed my license and picked up a copy of California law. Showed it to the same guard and he absolutely refused to admit he was in error.

Literally about a week ago, me and my buddy were standing in line ready to sign some papers for leave when a SM walks by to talk to our DS. We give him the greeting of the day and do all that, but as he walks by he stops in his tracks. "Soldier, where did you get that mask?" "Uhhhhh, clothing and sales SM" "Huh. You're out of Uniform as fuck right now" It had a small logo printed on the side

I'm a civilian that has to go to a particular building on one base, where we aren't allowed to have permanent credentials but we had a deal where we could always come on as visitors without any prior paperwork or a sponsor. However, visitors aren't allowed to bring cell phones past the ECF so my agency made a deal where we could bring our agency phones past despite that rule. In order to prove that our phones were actually agency phones, we had to dial the ECF desk with an internal-only number while standing in front of the security staff. The other funny thing about this is that they have a big sign with a list of contraband items, including cell phones. In order to get the pass they tell me to read the sign and state that I don't have any of those items, while holding a cell phone in my hand.

Where is this guys Assistant? The Chaplain Assistant is there to keep them from getting in trouble like this 🤣

Sometimes officers get charged by Civilians. My aunt was at the end of her Navy career as a Nurse, held the rank of Commander and was stationed at Bethesda Naval Hospital. The problem with Bethesda is along with Military personnel you get to deal with politicians and their families. The wife of a big shot senator was in the hospital and being a real bitch to everyone especially the navy nurses under my aunt's command. My aunt walks in and flashes her silver cluster and said something along the lines of "Lady, see this cluster, I am a Naval officer, not your maid. Those nurses under my command are naval officers and nurses. They are hear to carry out the doctor's orders, not to be your personal staff. Stop insulting my nurses." Next thing you know my aunt is called into the Admiral's office. He tells her that woman filed a formal complaint against my aunt. My aunt told the Admiral she was protecting her staff. The Admiral said "So you were protecting your staff, well I am going to protect mine." He tore up the complaint, threw it in the trash, then crossed his fingers and said "Tsk Tsk, Commander, don't ever do that again." She told the Navy either put her on a ship to treat the boys from Vietnam or she would retire. The navy refused so she retired.

Little late to the party here, but the best one I can remember was several years ago while TDY to Al Udied AB, some "J"enius Senior Leadership type, thought that all USAF members should salute while in PT gear. This worked for about 2 weeks. A Lt Col who was in the AOR with the Cobra Ball as the pilot and on 24 hr perpetual crew rest, got up to use the caddy and ran into a Female Capt in uniform and a 1st Sgt. Lt Col, walked by the two and the 1st Shirt lost his shit and asked why he didn't salute the Capt. Lt Col turned and said this is a stupid rule and we are going to play a game. I am going to flip my CAC and either one of two things are going to happen. Either I am a crusty Chief who don't give AF or I am out rank the Capt. CAC comes out and turns over and Lt Col says, Salute me! He holds them there in the middle of the day in Aug and asks them, I bet you really are thinking how did I get into this situation. He dismisses the female Capt because she never pushed the issue. The 1st Sgt on the other hand...He stood there saluting the Lt Col for a good 15 mins and then went to talk to the Shirts CC. The Cobra Ball was slated to fly that night and ended up not going because the Lt Col had broken crew rest because of the two ass clowns who wanted a salute. Last I heard, Shirt went home as a TSgt and Capt was never heard of again. I am very proud to know the Lt Col as my Recon Hero!

My platoon was once told "YOU WILL NOT UTILIZE THE WARM UP TENT UNTIL THE SNOT FREEZES IN YOUR NOSTRILS!!!!"

The one that always drove me absolutely crazy was that people could get off the ship with no problem at all while wearing leather and spikes and other crazy misfit crap but me, wearing a collared button down shirt, couldn't leave the ship unless I tucked it in first

I do not know if this qualifies, but back in 1989my unit in Germany was redesignated from 36th Infantry to 5th Cavalry. So, despite the fact we were all 11series, they took our blue guide on with crossed rifles and replaced it with a red and white one with crossed sabers. As you can imagine, this caused a huge rift in the battalion. So much so in fact the division sergeant major came down and held an impromptu and highly informal meeting with the troops. He listened to us. Told us to STFU, dropped us for push-ups and high tailed back to division in Frankfurt.

Dude, I almost died when you said "I caught the terrorist because I checked all the boxes". People really do think by following every single nitnoid administrative detail they will be good leaders or somehow improve the mission.

Man,those Chaplain's are getting out of hand.

Being in an engineer/construction unit with the PAARNG, during AT, it was hot af. 100+ degrees everyday, putting up drywall, insulation, running wires, etc. So we had our sleeves a little undone. CSM and Battalion Commander come to the job site and, “You need to have your sleeves cuffed. Otherwise it looks unprofessional. We’re the Army, we need to look professional while on Garrison. And have your masks on at all times to prevent the spread of COVID.” We weren’t even supposed to be at AT this past year. 🤣 But I guess we were supposed to just heat cat because ✨professionalism.✨

I had one! In my unit when we were in the motor pool we had to wear our soft caps but as soon as you walked out side the motor pool you had immediately change to your black Barrett. I was doing a change of command inventory as a SSG and (I only say that cause honestly I should have known better and I can admit that) but anyway, I was meant to stay the whole day with incoming commander in the motor pool doing tool inventory when I realized I needed to go back to office and print some new hand receipts. I ran back to office got out of my car in my soft cap grabbed the receipts and as soon as I walked out of my office an e4 was telling me the BDE SGM wanted me in his office immediately! Our BDE headquarters was in a hill that kind of over looked our Battalion and the SGM must of seen me out his office window. So I go up their and he begins to rip me a new asshole I knew he hated the word hoah so I just kept saying hoah to answer all his questions because at this point I am abut annoyed that he’s taking this rule this far and some of his choice words did not really fit the situation! He’s furious and says I want you to go down to your battalion SGM and tell him what you did, I am going to call him so don’t think you can just get away with not telling him! So I said hoah and left, told my battalion SGM and he asks why I did it and I explained i have no excuse but I do have a reason, I told him I was in the middle of a change of command was in a hurry and wasn’t thinking! SGM said get back to your commander and please don’t do anything more that makes that psycho BDE SGM have to talk to me! I left I laughed and was just blown away that a grown ass man would take it this far! I understand rules are rules correct me and I’ll move on with all respect in tact!

Appreciate you brother, every time I see you I feel a little better about my broken crooked pinkies. It could be worse

Had a full bird colonel desk jockey harass me for several weeks because the field kitchen ran out of ketchup packets near the end of a training cycle. He spent like 10 minutes screaming at the cooks before I told him that they couldn't magically pull some ketchup out of thin air for him and to suck it up and move on so other soldiers could get fed. Jackass held up a hundred+ hungry soldiers from getting hot chow for nearly 30 minutes screaming at us about it. Once we were back on base the guy made it his personal mission to seek me out and ruin my day, every day. It was infuriating at the time but I still laugh about it all these years later.

Had a SGM screaming in my face for two hours over not having had a haircut in a few weeks. When he finally asked what I had to say to explain myself had to point out to him that five months prior I had gotten into a bit of trouble lost pay for two months and for some reason that was still not getting resolved properly my pay had still not restarted. I had never seen a SGM turn purple from rage before but I will say my pay was fixed the next day.

Thank You Drill Sargent ! Your videos have brought back so many memories and make me laugh,cry, but mostly very happy for my time in. Again, thank you, Drill Sargent.

Bagram 2011, 3-10 GSAB TF Phoenix. We had bad rain and there was standing puddles on the access roads to our hangars, and around the hangars. CSM got his boots wet, and wanted this basketball court sized puddle cleaned up. Watched a buck sergeant grab 2 privates and some shop vacuums. They then proceeded to vacuum all the water off a dirt road and pour it in the adjacent ditch. Watching them vacuum a dirt road was one of the most Army things I seen on that tour.

"Doot-do-do-do, Jesus is cool, I'm in charge, and this guy's super mad about... nothing." Can I get this on a shirt?

When leaving mandatory PT, the base SGM and Base CO where being driven by and their driver stopped and let me and some junior marines cross the road. Then the base SGM proceeded to chew me out for giving a thank you wave. My unit was the ugly duckling on the base, because non of us answered to either one of them as we were considered “special” and yes all special means in the marine corps is that we just get scratch and sniff markers...

Easter. Desert Storm. I am the NCOIC of the base weather station at Riyadh. We kept the sunrise/sunset tables, and a week or so before Easter Sunday, I get a phone call from the "Morale Officer." The Catholic Chaplain, a Lt. Col. Saudi's would NOT allow Priests, Chaplains, Pastors, Ministers, and ESPECIALLY Rabbi's into the country. So..we had Morale Officer (P), and Morale Officer (C). Absolutely no Morale Officer (J). Anyway, our Lt. Col. Morale Officer (C) wanted to know sunrise time on Easter Sunday. I asked him if he was going to have an Easter Sunrise Service. Yep...I asked him if the Saudi's knew that the Morale Officer (C) was going to conduct an Easter Sunrise Service. "Nope, and I don't care." SWEET! Easter Sunrise, I walked over to the main open area in our housing area, Eskan Village, that held many, MANY thousands of troops. Mostly US Air Force, supporting flying ops out of Riyadh, as well as Army security, and surface to air missile batteries. Every soldier there, and there were thousands, wore their Sunday best..or the best they could do. Thousands of them, word of mouth only. Funny thing..the longer we were in Saudi Arabia, the more serious EVERYONE became about their faith. Bad Christians became good Christians, and GOOD Christians became EXCELLENT Christians. Immediately prior to the service starting, up came a Saudi two-star, LIVID at what was going on. He had been informed of the massive CHRISTIAN religious service. He DEMANDED that the Morale Officer (C) stop, immediately. The Lt. Col. told him that HE would have to order the several thousand US soldiers that HE was refusing to allow them to celebrate their faith, on the holiest day on the Christian calendar. This asshole left, and we had our service. This NEVER made the news, or headlines, and it should have. This was ten years before 21 Saudi's attacked the United States of 9-11. Fuck the Saudi's.

The almost 150 that disliked this are that SGM and his friends