Avoidants Don't Move On Easily - Here Is Why 

My ex wife was DA. I would get upset and it felt like she would look at me with dead eyes. It would make me feel even more alone, and in turn, I became more distant. I never felt more alone than when I was with her. I will never be involved with a DA ever again.

The foundation of every single human is to feel valued. That's it.

My avoidant super insecure ex had the audacity to call me insecure 😂

My ex is a Avoidant. I used to love him so dearly. Gave him many chances and he didn't change his toxic ways even cheated on me. Never thought I would leave him until I released that I didn't want to be in a toxic relationship. I left him and never going back. I already know what he does not have to offer. Good ritins.

Gave him chance after chance. He never changed/ made adjustments. I was finally able to leave after becoming secure

Man, that shit is hard to take. Coming fresh out a short lived relationship with an avoidant, left without words, found a new one three weeks later, blamed me for all that went wrong, which was a single incident. Their toxic shit is hard to take. I can I have a lot of compassion (in her case it was childhood abuse by her mother), but even for secure attached people that shit musst be unbearable. The best thing you can do is run!

My avoidant husband held onto grudges from 20 years ago. It's the nature of not addressing things and working through

Avoiding things seems quite convenient and easy, but it’s really not. Good analysis.

I never considered the difficulty of the connection for my DA partner as not with me personally, but with the relationship itself. BIG TAKEAWAY! 🙏🏻❤️

so what i understand from this video is an avoidant mostly comes back after you've moved on?

Alexis I have learned so much from you over the past 6 months. Your insight into the emotional mindset of the avoidant is so spot on that it is creepy. The hardest part now for me and i am a very secure person is that the relationship for me is never going to work. When we get close the avoidant patterns start again, when I step back she wants me to get closer again. It really doesn't seem to matter what I do it only seems s little progress is made. I have given up.

Avoidant persons have deep emotions, but they open up very slowly and only if the feel secure. This are tiny little moments 😊

Exactly they do not know how to reciprocate LOVE. They see more the negative than the positive in a relationship. 😅 But , maybe they can attach with someone like them so they do not make other people suffer with their avoidance and arrogance.

She’s avoidant, but has claimed she’s aware, and doesn’t want to explore the issues because she doesn’t think her brain can handle it. But there were times where it was inevitable to face the emotions there, and I helped her work through it, and she expressed such gratitude and showed vulnerability, saying she never had someone talk with her like that. She said she’s done ‘some’ therapy after her last relationship, which I believe she is still dealing with the trauma from. Is she a lost cause? We broke up, she chose more work over me, but has recently reached out, only to shy away again. I’m more in love with her than any partner I’ve had, and I’ve had relationships that were much much longer. Over the time we spent together I witnessed her healing and opening up more, though she refused to admit, it was obvious. I would do anything to make things work between us, and I’m praying she comes back to me. I consciously chose her. I don’t want to turn my back on that. I had already decided.

I never knew these people existed until after I walked out on one. I never understood the space and bare texting. Just learning now and never again.

Thank you for the recap on avoidant partners' behaviour, their attachment style, and how to best deal with all the obstacles. What I appreciate is the fact that you placed self-awareness, learning, and healthy boundaries as a priority. I want things to work out but not at all costs. Currently, I'm giving a space for both of us to reflect, learn, and hopefully meet each other in a loving, re-connecting journey.Many thanks for an informative video 🙏🏻

No one explains it like Alexis

I understand completely why he responds and interacts with me. That doesn’t excuse his behavior, he told me that at first it was just me but when feelings got serious he started seeing other women… I want to work it out but I don’t know how to introduce him to therapy? I am very nurturing and understanding.. we have never had an argument. We make each other very happy when we are together.. as soon as deep feelings come up, he vanishes.. I need equal give and take.. I can’t run the relationship alone.. I am hurt by his actions and disregard for me.

This was a great video. Unfortunately, my ex FA chose to monkey branch to another woman. He was partly pressured by her family as he is a people pleaser who cannot say no. He didn't exactly break up with me. He wanted to keep me as a "friend" and continue as usual. In other words, I would be the side chick while he dated the new love to " see where it goes".( who knows nothing about me). I had no choice but to walk away forever from a one-time good relationship/situationship of four years. I have no doubt that he loves me. He said so. We had some beautiful times together, and had a history. I guess his fears of intimacy and commitment proved to be too much. So sad.

A thorough video. Comprehensive as well. Thank you

I left another comment yesterday or the day before saying I didn't understand my ex-SA. He was cold-hearted when he left me, but he keeps sending me reels and some messages on IG, and the only time we talked in this month and a half, he was very warm and affectionate with me. This weekend, I discovered he didn't say anything about us to our common friends after 13 years of relationship. When he left me, I asked him why I had worked on my emotional problems at the beginning of our relationship and why he couldn't do it now. No answer. I understand him a little more, and it's sad. I want to hug him. Anyway, I assume he must work on his feelings. Thank you very, very much for these videos. I really appreciate them. Edit to finish the "book" with a decent appreciation.

Wrong. They move on in about a month. They use the new relationship to avoid feeling anything about the last one

Thank you for making this video. I watch your channel a lot now. I'm FA with heavy anxious leanings for my female DA partner of 4 years. I appreciate how open and honest you are about people with avoidant styles. You are very down to earth and reasonable. You are very kind, yet also you are kind enough to not sugar coat things you talk about. The signs that we look for for attachment styles in people, you don't just explain what they are, but you also give humanity to them. All the attachment styles. You are very kind, and I hope you feel appreciated by us whom you are helping everyday. I hope I can say this and not make you uncomfortable, but as an anxious person myself, I see you have a good heart for people, and I appreciate you. Thank you, Alexis.

Yes , helpful! I like that you don’t say everything will work out, but you offer a lot of helpful insight. Thank you.

Thank you. This answered a lot of questions I didn’t know I needed an answer for.

Thank you for this helpful content as always.

Thank you sir 🙏🏻 Very insightful ❤

My DA left me 4 months ago. I've not heard from her since. She felt more comfortable having sex with strangers night after night, then being intimate with me. She seems to have moved on. I know she will think of me time to time but I think my disapproval of her male friendship which were inappropriate will stop her from coming back.

I love how thoughtful and balanced your content is Alexis, I think your videos are lovely. Thank you! Recovering from the news that my ex of 5.5 years who blindsided me with a break up even though we were trying for a family, has met someone else really quickly. I've been grieving properly and keeping my focus on myself but this news is like another layer, and it's helping me to reassure myself that I was not unimportant to him because his behaviour makes me feel that 🙏

Great video btw!!!! Thank you!

Now.that I have met and experienced an avoidant in the past I know what one is I know the signs, it is beyond difficult and VERY one sided, I will NEVER deal with one again, I Love and value myself to much for that toxic chaos. I choose my Peace and well being 💗❤🩷

Super awesome x yup, helpful 🎉

I've shown in every possible way that I'm willing to try to make this work because I love him, and he's aware of that. He's been clear about not wanting anything because he doesn't feel anything, yet he gives me constant reminders of him being there by liking ig stories and such. It's honestly exhausting, especially knowing that he's probably out there preferring casual hookups

Alexis, I can’t find any videos on a combination of dismissive avoidant and midlife crisis/depression, my DA has both. I needed advice on how to handle this combination. Thank you.

Keep doing what you are doing , I find you're videos help take away my anxiety . Been just over 10 months NC , she's an avoidant and a cop. Can't see her ever reaching out , super stubborn.

Thanks a lot without you i could never reached out with my ex partner

I'm almost 3 weeks NC with my exgf DA and I'm going through a lot of emotions in this process. The breakup was completely out of the blue but watching this video and another by Alexis I learned that I triggered my exDA to get cornered. She reacted in a very DA fashion, or at least what I've learned about DAs so far, and dumped me in a cold way. Earlier that day a couple of different conversations which ended with "love you honey talk to you later." She had recently started drinking again with a group of coworkers-all guys- and I got really jealous. I understand that I didn't communicate that I wanted some boundaries set that wouldn't trigger my jealous feelings. Basically a lot of boundaries were never set up which would probably avoided a bunch of these triggers on my part and eventually on her part. The time apart from her-I miss her and love her, but I'm finding that love isn't as a power connection in a relationship as I previously thought. Love is and always will be important but other things like respect and honesty have a bigger impact on keeping a relationship together. Alexis F. thank you for your videos and I'm going to (hopefully) keep learning on how to deal with my exgf.

Thank you so much!

That's totally me but finally I'm doing the work. I did read "Attached" and it was a game changer for me. I was into the anxious-avoidant trap for 5 years and I wasn't aware of it. We loved eachother strongly. Therapy is helping a lot, i never faced any breakup the way I'm doing today. I miss her and love her so much but gosh anxious-preoccupied people are not a walk in the park. We're both insecure and she's not aware of her attachment style. Now she's rebounding as she rebounded with me and I wasn't aware of that at the time. I'm doing the work now and she's not. I feel like we have very bad press as avoidants but we're not bad people. We are all the result of our childhood traumas. I'm choosing the healing path and I'm grateful for it. And maybe the universe will work its magic and make out paths cross again. Thank you Alexis for the work you're doing and I will book a session with you again soon. Big changes require big triggers. This breakup might be the best thing that ever happened to me.

This was very informative and you presented it in a way that was easy for me to understand. Thank you !

Thanks for an interesting video. I was wishing to hear something about how it seems from the avoidant point of view. When I in the end felt I did wrong and that I as an anxious person should change, is it good to hear something like this. Your videos are helping!

Are they human? More like dating a robot

Mine are easy in the past because I was not emotionally invested I don’t think it’s a one size fits all giving false hope

Super helpful, it really helps. Are you french or Belgian?

and what if they DO?

Thanks for such an insightful video. Ive just been broken up with by an avoidant. We were very close and so happy when we were together, he told me i was different and he really cared about me (but every now and then he'd say something hurtful to push me away (not anything really bad, maybe just in a conversation he'd say hed never commit or get married again etc). Then he ended it after 3 months 😢 i was so disappointed and sad. He aaid he really cared and had genuine feelings for me but didn't want thr relationship to develop any further because he was not able to give me what i want, which is love and commitment. After 6 weeks of thr break up he wants to be friends, spending quality time with me. I just don't know if i should because i really care about him and dont want to fall for him any more than i have done. I don't know of he'd ever change and commit to me..😢😢

Idk my intuition says he is. Thats me writing on that wall.

6:58 who wrote the book 'Attached', please? Trying to look it up to order it!

I’ve noticed very small subtle changes. I know he is trying very hard

Alexis. How long can the Avoidant's healing from the relationship be delayed? My ex is still hovering on my social media two years after the breakup. She was reaching out up till the end of June.

It would help a lot if you can put subtitles for your videos it is not clear for your words

BS. Mine husband left his first wife for the woman he left me for. Now I'm left hanging. No idea where he is. He has just disappeared into thin air.

This No Contact period and the Reflecting an Avoidant does after a break up (from a very good close loving relationship), if the Avoidant was doing all the bs they are famous for doing (moved super fast, first to love, wanted a forever future etc and then all came to a quick over night pull back; still there but trying to figure out what minimum they can get by you with), and you are the one to break up with them, do they still go through the same thought pattern and reflection period, since they were not the one to come out and do the break up?

She had such a hard time moving on, it took her a full 4 days between telling me she didn’t wanna talk anymore and sleeping with her new guy

8:44 “they are fantasizing on you” - 🥴 - I sure am

I'll toast to that

These are the characters of pisces women

Do they still feel and go through this if they rebounded quickly after?

O? Really? That is weird?

My ex girlfriend is an avoidant and she monkey branch me

Should I reach out to my xgirlfriend who is a DA after no contact? I never even know how she ever feltt about me, I think she loved me...maybe she feels alone and needs me to listen. When should I reach out? Or should I even reach put? Merci ❤

My ex is a DA. I feel bad. She broke up with me because I went up in my feelings. She broke up with me in one of her most vulnerable moments. I feel horrible, I wish I could be there to help her still.

Do fearful avoidants come back after multiple break ups over a 4+ yr relationship? Or does it just weaken the relationship over time and they just move on?

Wow.

Est ce que vous pouvez faire les vidéo en français ?

Is that also the case for dumpers? or only if the dumpee is avoidant?

Wow

What if they rebounded with their ex after one month of the BU lol

You say they want to date other people bc ??? Non commital? Get bored?

Jesus you’re good looking.

I think you're reaching a bit with the Beatles and the Ronettes

You are gorgeous

You are handsome but couldn't understand your accent.