BEING CHILDFREE BY CHOICE | Societal assumptions, my beliefs & my personal reasons 

I believe most women and men love the IDEA of having kids but do not understand what it's really like to have them. Before deciding, expose yourself to that environment; volunteer at daycare centers, babysit, etc. Also, be around kids with severe conditions like Down Syndrome, ADHD, Autism, so if your kid ends up having those, you would know how to handle them or at least get an idea of what life will be like for you.

Having kids because you think it will make YOU happy, or make YOU feel complete, or make YOU feel fulfilled, or because YOU don't want to feel like YOU'RE being left behind, or because YOU want someone to take care of YOU when YOU grow old - that's selfish. The only reason to have a kid is when there's so much love in you that you can't help but to want to share that love with someone else; same goes with having a partner.

I'm getting my tubes removed next week! So happy to guarantee I stay CF for life :)

I'm a Sr. Citizen and I get tired of other people telling me that I'm going to be lonely and miserable, because I'm not a mom and a grandma!! Have been childfree by choice for a very long time now and I have never changed my mind!! I'm not lonely and miserable by any stretch of the imagination!!! I live a full life, I'm active in my church and other organizations. Especially Sr. Citizens groups. I also enjoy traveling and not having to be home by a certain time. I have always enjoyed my freedom of being able to come and go as I please. I enjoy spendIng time with the relatives that I have left and all my good friends.

The societal pressure to have kids is insane. People do not understand that not everyone wants to have kids. Do you.

I'm a man and I've come to the decision that it's very unlikely I'll ever want to have kids. I agree there is much more pressure on women to have kids and it's quite irresponsible and sickening tbh. I do think men face pressure to have kids as well but in more subtle ways. Thanks for the video!

Women don't owe this world any kid/kids, no matter what. Motherhood is not an obligation. It's totally ok to be childfree. Childbirth is horrific and i am terrified of childbirth, and that's one of the many primary reasons, I don't want any kid/kids ever.

Brilliantly said. There are times when I legit don't wanna live anymore, and people assume not having kids = selfish. Nah, until the world becomes good / better, I ain't gonna bring another person here.

I heard someone say once: ‘you think you want a baby/kid? Yes? Okay, go take a nap. Did you enjoy that nap? Yes? Don’t have a kid.’ 😂 laughable but also not funny at all cause it’s real

Another conditioning is that as a parent you're suppose to love and enjoy all that comes with it holistically without regret. This is probably the reason why we don't see a lot of parents openly admitting their regrets and those who do receive backlash and shame.

I love the part about who is going to carry on your legacy? "What legacy is this? Is there a kingdom you are leaving..." My point exactly! I am the 2nd person in my family to graduate college but I'm by no means well off as a result. If I had kids, the most valuable thing I would be able to leave them is good advice on the things I've learned along the way. And they would stand to benefit, if THEY would choose to listen. There are many great things that could happen, but the struggle of the black experience is real and is one of the biggest challenges they would face. I would worry in my grave about whether my kids would have the fortitude to survive, mentally, emotionally and economically. At this point, I don't have to worry about children that I don't have, or plan to have.

I would let my mother rot in a run down nursing home for sure. She never let me forget that she regretted having kids even as she continued to get pregnant by weak men and push those bad decisions on me. Now I’m traumatized by being forced to be a mom before I was competent, and I don’t want to ever go through the pain of not being able to be the adult that adorable and innocent child needs.

I have decided to remain child free because I think it's not a social obligation to have kids. I am more happy with pets as my kids and I loooooove them❤️

I am childfree by choice and then when I turned 30 got a health diagnosis that makes having children harder. I'm also a teacher who sees so many people jump into childhood too lightly for my liking. Currently, I have never seen more men on online dating sites mention "wanting to have kids" in my whole life 🙄

I loved when you talked about "legacy".... those were the exact words of my ex, he wanted children "to carry on his legacy"... in the end, this fundamental difference among other reasons made us take separate ways, he is now married with children and I have found a partner who shares my same view and values, together we have come to the conclusion to be a childfree-little family.

I don't know people get offended when I say "i don't want have kids", as if I'm asking them not to have kids or I'm asking them to dump their kids.

23:17 I totally agree. And it really frustrates me when people say "you're just a kid, after a couple of years your thoughts are going to change"

You made a great point that I think about often regarding people who see childfree people as selfish... It just begs the question, "who am I being selfish toward?! I can't take resources away from a child that does not exist so who else am I going to spend my time and resources on, but myself and my husband.. What would be selfish is if I had a kid and still satisfied my own wants and needs over the needs of my child. I'm glad you brought that up :)

It took my mom YEARS to finally say "if you have kids" instead of "when" when she sees that my sis (22) and I (25) don't want kids, or if we do then we would adopt or foster. We don't want our own, and I think she finally see it when I announced I may have an opportunity to get sterilized to make it happen. People in society really try their best to hold on to the belief of having children is an obligation and not a choice, which it really is. I'm CHOOSING to be childfree. I'm CHOOSING to be "selfish" in this cruel world. Just like someone is CHOOSING to have a kid for whatever reason.

Lauren, thank you for making this video. I think I found my soul family amongst you and the people in the comments. When people ask me are you going to have kids, I'm like "are you going to take care of them?" Are you gonna provide the nannys and babysitters for the self care, alone and vacation time that I'm gonna personally require? I'm the only child (and crave my solitude) but my mom is one of 13 and my grandpa is one of 11. Imma let my cousins have the kids and I'm going to enjoy the richness of my space, my freedom, being able to come and go as I please, and exploring all of what life has to offer. Being a mom is not something you can drop out of like an organization. Once you're in, you're in. No take backs, no I don't like being a mother, this is a nightmare, etc. I've listened to well intentioned advice my whole life, and now the advice is I'll be a great mother. I'm like nope, I would hate to have kids then regret it. At the end of the day when that door closes behind me, I would have to live with the decisions I make, no one else. My decision to be child-free is mine. This comment is already long but I could keep going and going.

This is a wonderful video. I've never wanted children since I was one myself. It took years into adulthood to realise that it had a lot to do with my childhood and how I was made to feel responsible for my mum's happiness and how she wanted me to be a mini version of herself. I have undergone a lot of trauma and neglect in childhood and there's no way I'd want to put that onto a child of my own, despite the fact I've had therapy. I have a list as long as my arm as to why I don't want kids of my own. People are often shocked and think there is something wrong with me or that I don't want kids because my partner doesn't but they don't realise I have a mind of my own and I am with my partner because we're on the same page. Most of the time, if a kid is playing up when I am out and about, I realise either the parent isn't comforting them or just keeps shouting at them and I feel sorry that the kid's voice is being taken away when it would be more effective for the parent to try to understand why their child is throwing a tantrum. I know I'm not a parent but I have been a child whose parent never made the effort to let me speak up or open up about what was wrong, however, I was a quiet kid so I guess mum thought if I am not playing up then I am fine emotionally. There are some amazing kids I have met who have had great upbringings and I am in complete awe of them, so I definitely don't dislike kids completely.

Someone finally said it! Hopefully this will make it less of an unpopular opinion and more of an acceptable way of life.

Soon to be psychologist here, it is an amazing career!! Sooo fulfilling and I feel like children don't even cross my mind. Good for you hun, you can do it!!👏👏👏

Grandfather had 12 children Father had 3 children I have 1 child Period I am hopeful that my child will eventually realise that CHILDFREE is the NEW address for HAPPINESS 😀

Social pressure, family pressure, friends pressure, all the people say "you are a woman you can have a child" nobody in my life said to me "have a child is a choice", I have a male friend that still asking about children, my mom see me as the next of gave her grandchildren, I say "I don't want that, I want to travel, study more languages" as a woman is difficult to make the people respect my choice. I'm going to ask for a tubal ligation (against my mom desire) I don't have to be a mother, fortunately I have friends and cousins that understand and some of them don't want to have children. I have scoliosis and is very painful, I have OCD, I take a lot of medicine, maybe I have endometriosis (I don't have a job for get an appointment with a doctor, but the symptoms say "yes") Edit: I see how much my sister spends in her child, baby food is really expensive, diapers too, and she is going to spend more and more every year.

Childfree Love from London here!! Thank you for this video. And can I just say, I highly highly recommend getting into salsa dancing for childfree people. It’s just a really upbeat and active community and never once have I had to sit through someone bitching about their kids or being bingoed about my choices. It’s made me much less scared about keeping friends as I get older without children. If you ever come to London please reach out :))

I used to write articles about random things for some side money a while back and one of the articles that has stayed with me the most was about modern child development. It's bad. I'm not saying most parents are like this, at least I really, really hope they aren't, but there have been MULTIPLE occurrences where elementary aged students are falling out of their chairs due to lack of mobility. These kids had been kept inside and not able to climb or explore, so their motor skills are FAR behind what they should be. I really hope someone catches onto it soon and makes a fuss because I really can't see this going well. Children take work and commitment and like you said, a lot of people don't truly have the time for kids anymore and it's leading to more and more neglect.

I think I couldn't have said it better myself. Unfortunately I think the reason men aren't asked as much is misogyny.

Yes you made total sense about mental health towards the end. This is a great video, thank you for your words 😊

Great vid! I don’t want children, and I don’t want to get married, but thinking of the disappointment my parents would feel (especially my mother) gives me guilt.

People do attach their identity to their children. Not only through projection but bc they’re too afraid to discover who they are without them. Its a distraction from their own inner work.

Shoutout to the parents out there, you have the hardest job in the WORLD. And shoutout to the childless people, I love you and I respect your choice. It’s your life, your body and I hear you 🤍 ~Your Childfree Friend 🥰

Thank you very much for sharing your perspective on this topic. 😄

I actually love being near children and spending some time with other peoples’ children and most children are drawn to me and that is literally not the same thing as wanting to have my own kid and raising them as well. Raising a child is a huge responsibility/commitment and it is permanent by then than choosing to being in a relationship with an adult. I totally agree with how people can shame women for being selfish when there’s nothing there yet to be called that to begin with. How can adults raise a child in an economy where a lot of adults are also struggling themselves with finances and self care let alone a small, vulnerable human being added into the mix?

Before having kids .. remember they will go through the difficult system of schooling...and working .... Especially if they have learning disorders...yoh ...

After watching this vid and seeing at least a handful of the comments already, this shows to me that at 53yrs old, child free, I am not so “weird” any more in my idealogies on being child free and the reasons being based on how I started seeing this world back in my 20s which was in the 1990s era. It’s nice to see younger generation of folk that also see where the toxic systems in the world systems are part of the falling away of people engaging in traditional mainstream choices

Agree, why is it so normal to give a babydoll to a toddler and not something else, like a cute little astronaut suit or a doctors coat.

Thank you for sharing with such openness . I am glad I found your video, sometimes I think being childfree takes a lot of wisdom since it’s questioning a persistent belief system.. instead of flowing along with the culture conditioning. In my tiny experience I have noticed childfree individuals to be more aware and responsible for their actions. I can see how much investigative journalism 😜you have done on yourself to be able to articulate with such ease. Well done.

Despite being a guy, people ask me if I have kids and that question is coming from women. So it is weird because that question pops up almost too quickly upon meeting them. It is not fair to assume that about everyone just because most people want kids. I said this once and I will say it again, "children are a luxury not a necessity." I also don't know why people see children as an investment, they are not guaranteed to take care of you when you get old. After all, life is random and you have to expect the unexpected. The child may die before the parents do or they may be too sick to take care of the parents even as adults.

It’s me. I’m the child free woman who can’t stand children 👶🏽 👎🏽

I am childfree by choice and it's so nice to hear from other women with similar thoughts. Did my honours psych research on couples choosing to be childfree which explored both motivating factors, as well as perceived life satisfaction. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

Wow you have great camera quality and are well spoken.

good for you to be able to stand in your stance! I am excited for your future

This is very good. Thank you for thinking things through. I appreciate your video.

Thank you for making this video. Tons of great info.

Ever since I told my family that I don't want children, they keep reinforcing the fact that I will regret my choice later in life. I am constantly reminded of my place as a woman - to get "married and be a mother". To be honest, I don't even like children that much, especially when they're very young and very dependent. It takes a lot to raise a child. Call me selfish but I'm not having one. I don't want to bare that level of responsibility over a human being. I love being child-free and I wouldn't change it one bit.

I really enjoyed this video and hearing your perspective. Childfree by choice women and men do face a lot of judgement and criticism unfortunately. Here's hoping there will be more acceptance in the future. Live and let live.

I remember crying as a child when my older sister and mom pushed periods are great and puberty because now you can have a baby. Catholic households are crazy.

I love the hypocrisy of the who’s going to look after you when you’re old. My mum has always bingoed me and subtlety (sometimes not so subtlety) pushed me to have kids. Now that I’m 38 and starting to think I actually don’t want kids my Nan is 88 and is in a pretty bad shape health wise. Her son (my uncle) kicked her out of her flat, she lives with her 83 y o sister who cares for her while my alcoholic uncle takes all her pension. My dad says nothing, my mum is lamenting that they can’t possibly take my grandma (they have a spare guest room) and provide efficient care. I’m the only one who’s offering to pay fully for a nursing home. I keep wanting to say something about the irony of being looked after when you’re old but keep my thoughts to myself

Thank you for is lovely video! You say it!

I really learnt alot from this video, thank you for all this wisdom. I'm interested in hearing your view on religion in correlation to psychology.

I’m 99% sure I don’t want my own BIOLOGICAL kids

Thank you for this video

Giirrll! SAME haha… Loved it! Thanks for Sharing.

Welldone no kids no problems

100% agree 👍

If u hold off on buying an expensive item, "mature choice." If, however, u don't want kids bcuz u know u're not financially ready, "selfish choice." It seems as if u're supposed to WANT kids even if the repercussions of it are bad for u. At least u'll be seen as a grown up. By the way, did I hear u mention SALSA DANCING? 😁

Now that you say it out loud it's weird that we are given babies for toys. It sounds crazy

I had my little ponies growing up I hated baby dolls!! I still have some of my vintage ponies to this day!! 😄

Same here girl 💯

Someone said "it takes a village to raise a child" and that person wasn't lying. Our country has little to no consequences for parents who negate their parental responsibilities and a lot of men take advantage that leaving women to raise children by themselves. It's so unfair because children can be exhausting and a solid support system is needed for both parent and child to build a heathy relationship. Sadly, in most of our communities that solid unity is not there, it's each man for himself and a lack of sufficient financial resources makes the experience more burdensome. Personally i would like a mini me but the sacrifice is too great to make.

Been working with kids for the last 7 years. Don’t know if I want kids. Still thinking

Go Girl! You know exactly what you want! Do you and don't care about anyone else and their opinions! 🤗

in my point of view having child is a great resposibility, automatically huge resposibility on the parents shoulders to shape a model citizen for the world. In many culture women consider as baby machine. Never have a child because we are lonely or miserable.. Every child is precious.

Can you link the vice video

🙏🏻❤️

Its the “IDEA” of FOREVER…. I mean everything in life is kinda meant to be TEMPORARY. Jobs, Money, Marriage, Relationships, School, CERTAIN Family can be temporary but when it comes to being a parent its forever….. cousins are temporary aunts, uncles, even siblings. A child can always decide not to fuck with their parents but Parents will never decide not to reconcile with their child. Theirs people in the world who HATE the idea of FOREVER 🤷🏾‍♀️ and rightfully so.

My father talks shit to me because I tell him I want no wife and no kids. Tells me I don't do or have done anything with my life. Any thoughts on that?

How are you paying for so many degrees?

I'm an old fart now. Grew up the oldest of 6. Been there, done that. No offense to parents, but I think that endeavour is the most captivating, mind numbing undertaking anyone can do. And the world does not need more humans.

Life with learning disabilities is ridiculous. Thankfully I'll never pass that down. It ends with me. I'm just trying to have fun and make the best of this crap callec human life and society

I am child free cause I can't have kids. I think it better looking for the positive side of not have kids rather then cry cause I can't have one. Is there anyone related ?

Those people who obsess with the whole motherhood and imposing child care onto everyone don't live in the real world. What if you are a disable woman, do you really want to impose and subjugate your own flesh and blood into being disable as well? To me that is the definition of selfish!!! They also think that pregnancy is magical and wonderful, not realizing that it can be a death sentence for the woman and child in much cases... especially those of us who can't or don't have access to prenatal care. Disable women are abused and treated horribly in the health care system so why put myself through that horror story?!? Not to mention how horribly my child will be treated due to his/her mom being disabled and thus the disability carried onto the next generation. Also added note... my dad died alone strapped to a bunch of machines in an empty isolated room in the hospital at end of 2021 just as if he was childfree and no grand kids, even though he has five kids and over 16 grand-babies... nothing in life is guaranteed. So why waste resources and time on something that will drain you and still end up dead/ dying alone??? This is something the airheaded child obsessed retards don't understand. Your kids will live their own lives while you are in that room alone strapped to machines. Enjoy your existence is what my dads' death has shown me.

How old are you?

The amount of disclaimers that were required before she could open her mouth about anything just shows where this world is headed… literally cannot say anything

Honey, you don’t have to explain yourself to your audience. Explaining that you don’t mean to disrespect anyone in the lgbtq community and parents and that you respect their choice bla bla bla. Title is self explanatory. If snowflakes got an issue with you talking bout this, oh well. Too bad. You do you.

Children are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.

@Lauren i wish when u come to India for travel wish to go for date with u as a childfree by choice

I sure wish that content like this was made a long time ago. I’m also child free by choice and by circumstance. I would hate to I risk MY LIFE and destroy MY BODY being pregnant and giving birth, give MY best years away to help build a family, only for a man (husband or not) to devalue it and decide that he wants no parts of the child’s upbringing. I came from a broken home with without my day so I REFUSE TO RAISE A CHILD ALONE!!! No kids for me thanks! 🚫🚫🚫🚫🚫🚫

have you read david benatar's work? the south african philosopher? if not, then you should. shares the same views as you, but just alittle bit more pessimist.

Just wanted to offer my opinion as a male who wants to one day have children. I know you said this video isn't for us but I feel like a different perspective could only help and I'm not here to invalidate your beliefs. You also mentioned that you didn't ask for my opinion which is fair, but you've posted a video validating your opinions on a public platform so it's also fair that the public (which includes myself) comments on it. And anyway, I actually agree with you on some parts. So I want to have kids when I'm particularly well of and quite advanced in age (maybe about 35 to 40) so that we are financially well of to do so. I feel like its important to bring a child into the world because the world isn't as terrible as it was in our parents age believe it or not and all is not lost. Its important to bring a child in to experience both the joys and the pain of life so that one day they themselves can make a contribution to humanity. Hopefully I'll be in a position to give my child the best opportunity to do so. I also feel like you've burdened way too much responsibility when it comes to raising a child. Ideally, you would be in a healthy relationship and work together in raising them, it wasn't supposed to be a solo job. And lastly, I, personally, have been dealt a decent hand in life and the generations before me have helped with that. Because of this I feel like I'm more likely to be in a good position to raise a child that won't be crushed by some of the worlds problem such as hunger or poverty etc. But then again, anything can happen. So I feel like it's my personal responsibility to live a purposeful life for not only my self but the future generations as well. That's all I wanted to say. I would also like to add that I love your psychology videos and I think you're doing great work so hopefully you don't take any offense to this comment. I just saw the comments were in overwhelming support of this and I wanted to contribute a different perspective. Thanks for reading, I'm aware of how long it is 🙈😅

Say it louder: CHILDREN ARE NOT A RETIREMENT PLAN!! (and also literally everything else)

You need a microphone, badly. I don't like that echo. It makes it pretty hard to hear what you're saying.

The term Child free has negative connotations to those who have kids, it assumes that they are not free and are in bondage by having kids, The correct term should be Child Less