Thank you so much! Really helped explain a lot. It's so tough being the fearful avoidant - nothing feels safe! Your explanation really helped put it into ways can understand what is going on and why, and also what one can do to self-support and generate self-safety. Also, the biggest thing I have also learned from narcissistic abuse (Mother, partners, etc.) is that I self-abandon. Whenever I self-abandon I also commit unsafety for myself. So the more I learn to not self-abandon, the more I generate self-safety and over time that will get rock solid. So much so, I won't be vulnerable to those narcissists so much and I can learn to generate a calm nervous system and a wider tolerance for that distance being close and let love in.
Thank you for leaving such a thoughtful, insightful, and genuine response. I appreciate that you shared a bit of your story. I’m glad that the video resonated. Sending you big hugs on your journey. 🙏💕🙌
I love this ❤ Sounds like the difference between secure and insecure attachment boils down to having strong yet flexible boundaries vs weak (either porous or overly rigid). Secure people tend to genuinely lose interest and focus on something else, if the other person withdraws and becomes emotionally or physically unavailable, and they generally like and are drawn to people who like them. Prior to learning about attachment theory I had no idea that this was actually healthy, it always seemed sort of shallow to me, probably because I equated love with pining and obsession.
What an insightful comment, and yes that's bang on. Thank you for sharing your personal experience, as well. Perceiving people that respond to others when they show them affection as shallow, is a very clever and effective defense mechanism for keeping you safe from vulnerability. Of course, there is the circumstance where someone is only interested in someone else's worship and validation, but that illustrates a different, nuanced extreme presentation. Thank you for watching.
Next time my FA shows up I won't even need to talk, I'll explain our dynamic using hands. "This is us" buzzing in the air 😂 perfect explanation. This is so it. Thank you.
Bingo. I ID primarily anxious preoccupied (I don’t care for the name so, open heart!) and have been with people who almost instantly latch on and I’m like whoa buddy even I need some space. Deciding to break up or just stop dating ended with a lot of drama. Then I find someone who seemed pretty stable but over time I got anxious and they withdrew somewhat. It was a long distance relationship too which I usually avoided because the lack of physical proximity won’t meet my needs. Sure enough, that experiment bruised my heart more than I thought it would. and sure enough, my anxiousness erupted (privately but he could tell) and when I spoke up after calming myself down that was the end of it. We got close emotionally and it’s just gone. Self-awareness helps but it’s still hard! Hang in there guys. Self love is key.
Thank you for watching and for sharing your experience. It sounds like you have cultivated a lot of personal insight throughout your relationships, and have a clearer picture of what you need. Sending you best wishes and big hugs on the next leg of the journey.
