I have so much more to say on this subject. Divorce is more devastating to many members of the church than anyone really knows. Many have been through terribly abusive situations and have been ostracized by former friends and family who do not understand and judge them harshly. Some wards stop fellowshipping. Some church leaders have taken sides and have not believed victims of abuse. Divorce many times is a terrible blow to a person's self esteem and self worth. There are financial repercussions and emotional and physical ones as well. When someone's spouse dies the whole neighborhood will rally around them. When someone gets a divorce they lose friends that they thought would always be there for them as well as losing a spouse. Relationships with children can be strained when children turn against one of their parents and the list goes on and on. I guarantee that no one goes through a divorce lightly. If you know a single divorced person just love them. Don't be scared of them. Do not ostracize them. If you want to get more into this subject on your show, let me know. I can unfold this subject with even more depth and it needs to be addressed more. Thanks for covering this topic.
My oldest brother went through a terrible divorce. The battle over his child was the hardest thing to endure. It effected everyone around them including me. I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone's family, but so many now are going through it. Now my youngest brother is struggling mightily in his marriage. My thoughts are that a couple really needs to work hard at marriage. Never take each other for granted, and do all you can to make your family your number one focus in your life. Marriage will always have it's ups and downs, but you have to be there for each other and make happiness the goal.
Thanks for this video! My parents are actually going through a divorce right now. This helped me have a better perspective on being a Latter Day Saint and having my parents being divorced. The expectation was in order to have a happy family, my parents had to be together. Especially when all of my friends had parents that were still together. This helped a lot. Kuaku I heard you say that your parents are divorced, maybe you guys can make a video on the children's perspective. That would really help. You guys are the best! Thanks for all your videos!👍🏻😊
My parents divorced, I’m 31, They divorced when I was 11, and I have a couple of things to say about it. 1) Sometime Divorces are necessary. Abuse is obvious, but there’s also a point where a marriage cannot be saved…it becomes something of a snake eating it’s own tail…the marriage self destructs. 2) No, the kids won’t “be alright.”. All I heard surrounding kids, and divorce was “The kids will be alright. Do what makes you happy. Don’t worry about the kids.” I’m sorry, but this is false. Put the morality of divorce aside. No matter the reason for your divorce it will HURT your children (every one situation is not like the other, some kids to better than others.)….the question you should be asking yourself is “Do the benefits of the divorce outweigh the damage divorce causes them?” 3) Divorce is not just about the couple when you have children. My parents divorce was a sign to me that they gave up on the relationship, and everything that came along with it, and that included me. This made me feel unimportant, at times unloved, and like I didn’t truly have a home. When you divorce while you have kids it literally destroys the foundation your children stand on, I don’t say this to judge or make divorced people (or people considering divorce) feel uncomfortable, it’s just the plain truth. I know they said in the video that father absence causes issues, this doesn’t count when your father is involved in your life even if he doesn’t live with you. So long as dad is involved your kids will fair better. HOWEVER, I don’t want people to underestimate the pain it will cause your child when your ex husband remarries someone with kids, or has kids, they get to observe a life where their own father cannot be home with them, but their step/half siblings get him. This feeling of longing to belong in one household or another is still a wound that hurts to this day. (20 years later). 4) My brother passed away from cancer at 7 years old when I was 12. My parents divorce when I was 11 (just a month before his diagnosis) causes me more grief than his passing, and I would say at the time of the divorce (while he was battle of cancer) my parents divorce made his suffering, and passing 10 times worse for me….but his death doesn’t haunt me emotionally, my parents divorce still does. There are actual studies conducted that show a child will struggle more in a divorced situations vs the death of a parent. 5) I guess my point is: yes, divorce is necessary sometimes, you are not a bad person or member of the church for getting one. Do everything you can to save your marriage when kids are involved. Know that if you do have kids with your spouse, divorcing them will not sever you from having to deal with the, for 18+ years. My parents still have to see each other for grand babies birthdays and such, they also have to deal with the fact that their grandchildren love their ex spouse, so bitterness towards each other needs to be kept in check. I guess what I’m saying is, you don’t get to hate your ex spouse for forever, you have to learn to live with them being in your life from time to time. Keeping your hatred or anger with them alive hurts your family, and it will generationally as well. 6) I wouldn’t change a thing about how things turned out for me, but there was a lot of unavoidable pain involved when my parents divorced. It still lingers. So just make double, and triple sure you’re divorcing for the right reasons before you go through with it. ❤️
I think one of the only good things to come from divorce (other than the relief from leaving a stressful situation), is learning who your true friends are. It may seem hard at first, but when those true diamonds sift to the top, that feeling of being in a tried and trusted friendship is worth all the gold...
Holly is my ex-wife! Well done. Both of us are in such a better place. I wasn't strong enough to get divorced and she was. I'm so grateful to her for that because it really was the best thing for both of us.
Hey, this was a great episode! But I feel the need to correct an error, I’m sure was unintentional on Holly’s part, when she referred to arranged marriages and proceeded to describe them as if they were a bad thing. She’s confusing them with forced marriages. Someone can consensually have an arranged marriage, in which community leaders, their parents, other older family members, or a combination of those, find a partner for them. The person seeking the arranged marriage would then be told by these go-betweens some details about the recommended partner, would most likely meet them together with the go-betweens, and then would make a decision of their own free will as to whether or not they wanted to marry this person. While this is much different from typical Christian, Western dating, it is not forced and is something that results in plenty of happy, healthy marriages. So, let’s not list this together with giving women away as presents, as if it’s equally horrible. Also, I know you guys didn’t mean any harm, I’m not mad, I love your channel, and I appreciated this video overall. Keep up the good work guys💜
I confused these things, too, for a long time until someone explained it to me. Then I did research. I saw examples. And I learned exactly what you said here for myself.
Like you said, they are approaching this from a more Western Christian aspect. Different cultures have different views on marriage, and you're right we do not understand much about the arranged marriage culture. No offense was meant I'm sure.
cubs0110 If they’re a child, then they’re not actually able to consent, so it’s a forced marriage, and my point doesn’t apply. I was talking about adults.
KevlarX2 Yes, it’s a matter of culture for sure. I know they didn’t mean any offense, and I’m not mad. I just wanted to add my two cents’ worth, because this misconception can lead to prejudice. Even Orthodox Jewish people practice arranged marriages, as well as lots of other small religious communities in the West, so it’s something everyone can stand to brush up on to better understand how other people choose to live and find love. 😊
I love this video! My aunt is divorced and it was hard to go through, but now she's married to a great guy, and she had to listen to some of these stereotypes.The stereotypes and unfair assumptions are real, but unfortunately I forget how damaging they can be because I haven't experienced them first-hand. Thanks for this reminder about how to treat divorced individuals!
LOVE THIS! Y'all are AWESOME! I ENJOY watching #ALL of Y'ALL! Keep on keeping on y'all! Love from WISCONSIN frozen tundra land SNOW COLD and this VERY happiest convert from nondenomination to LDS and baptized March 24th 2018 BEST decision I ever made! I'm terminally ill and fighting back, SPIRIT STRONG and as I've been bedridden for the past month or more I'm praying to feel better to get back to church and teaching in primary as I miss it so much and now the sisters are here hugs and love always
I believe there's more divorce in part because women can leave marriages now, but another large part of it is our society moving towards immediate gratification.
What is the position of the Latter Day Saints on remarriage? Given that a sealing is permanent, are more people opting out of that form of marriage as divorce rates rise? Great job on rebuilding your life. Your children have a strong role model as a mom.
Hey Christine! Remarriage is fine. Sealings are definitely meant to be permanent, but they can be annulled when necessary, and those involved can be remarried to someone else. Not sure there are any stats on whether or not people are opting out of temple marriages, sorry :/. Your guess is as good as mine.
@@davidsnell2605 - I was just curious. I think that entering into a marriage that you believe will last eternity takes a lot of guts. I've been married to a great guy for over half my lifetime. My husband's mother was....well, she wasn't a nice person. She was the kind of person who could really mess up a child emotionally. I knew that I loved him, and that he was everything I ever could ask for in a mate, but I don't know if I would have had the guts to take a leap of faith and build a life together if I thought there was no way out under any circumstances, ever. Off topic slightly, but you may find this interesting. My husband and I were married in a Catholic church, but he wasn't a Catholic. So, while we were married in the eyes of the church, it wasn't a sacrament. When he was baptized (was not baptized as a baby or adult) and became Catholic about 7 years later, it RETROACTIVELY became a sacrament. I'd imagine a mixed faith couple could have a temple marriage after the fact if a faith change occurs? If a person can get out if the situation truly warrants it, then it's a system with compassion. Your church seems to show quite a bit of that.
@@christines3638 I relate to that marriage situation more than you know haha. Relatives can be tough to deal with sometimes. The slightly off-topic comment: I think that's actually really cool that marriage as a sacrament can work retroactively in your church! That question had never crossed my mind but I'm glad I now know the answer.
Christine S yes if there is a mixed faith couple and then later the spouse joins the LDS faith they can go to the temple to be sealed. It doesn't work retroactively like in the Catholic Church, they need to do the ceremony, but it will be just as though they had been married in the temple. Or, if the non-LDS spouse dies, the living LDS spouse can be sealed to them with a proxy stand-in. My husband's grandma did that when her husband died.
Why is divorce more common? We have no fault divorce now, so it is easier. Women are making more money than men now, so they have more options. But Dr. Phil says "you have earn your right t get out of this marriage." Many people do not go through the process of working it out, and get out too quickly. Infidelity sometimes happens. So does addictions (gambling, sex, porn, love, drugs, alcohol). Physical abuse also happens. Women also complain their husbands are slackers, and not doing everything to support the family (money, work, chores, child minding duties). Some couples also fall out of love. President Hinckley said many marriages that fail are due to selfishness of at least one person in the marriage.
We are Latter day saints not Mormons. My parents are divorced and non members. My parents where 17 and 18 when they got married and only got married because my mom was pregnant with me not because they where truly in love. They separated when I 5 and officially divorced when I was 8. It was stressful on me my dad was an addict that's why my mom left. Although it hurt me I am greatful if they never divorced I wouldn't have my amazing goofy siblings
Unfortunately this didn't really answer my main question. What does the church say about divorce? If someone is sealed in the temple and then later gets divorced, are they still sealed in eternity? Are the divorced allowed to remarry? Can they be sealed to their new spouse? I think I remember reading somewhere that you can only be sealed to a second spouse if your first passes away. So is that the case for divorced people? This was a very interesting discussion about how to support divorced friends and not be judgmental but it didn't really discuss the church aspects of it.
According to the bible, it says in Matt chapter 5:32 "But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery."
if you divorce, you're no longer sealed, and you can remarry. divorce is rarer in the church but it's still totally allowed and accepted, even if there is a social stigma. latter day saints are encouraged to work hard in marriage and not use marriage as an "easy way out" as they put it in the video, but obviously divorce is sometimes necessary
@@marthagodivala6726 Technically one needs a temple divorce to get sealed to a new spouse, which is separate from a civil divorce issued by the state. I've not heard of anyone being denied a Temple Divorce who had already been divorced civilly, but it is a separate process.
Being non LDS, I don't understand the concept of sealing, etc. So my question is now that she is divorced, is she still considered sealed to her ex husband for eternity or what?
The sealing will stay in place as we believe all people need to be sealed to someone for eternal progression. That doesn't mean that both will accept it in the next life though.
I'm sorry....I disagree with SOOOOOOOO much in this video. Honestly....it's riddled with half-truths and opinions. Yikes. The stigma is there because marriage is a very serious part of the plan of happiness. It is the ultimate way that a loving couple can help bring forth the plan of happiness. Getting divorced is serious business in the eyes of the lord and it's something that should be treated as such. Not saying we should judge or demean those who are divorced (Myself included) but judging divorce as a serious ordeal should be expected and COMPLETELY understood by those who have gone down that journey. I won't speak on the other things I disagree with because what's the point really but this vid left me with a heavy heart. Sorry guys. :-(
@@zoefoley6818 yes....I was married at 20 and divorced at 23......I mentioned that in my comment if you had read it thoroughly. I never said she was sharing my experience. She shared an opinion, which I disagree with and I stated my reasons as a rebuttal. If you are in support of me disagreeing, then why did my comment bother you so much??
So I read an article about celestial marriages and I was wondering if this is true: "One interesting consequence of this belief is that LDS celestial marriages can be polygamous. According to one LDS manual of instructions, while a man can remarry in the temple after his wife dies (and thus have more than one wife in Heaven) a woman can only be married in the temple once." So does this mean that Women can only get married once? A brief and succinct response is appreciated.
What if she was sealed in the temple once and then sealed in again. Whose goddess wife is she going to be? Families are forever does not work either. Pappy and mammy become god and goddess over their own planet but the kids want to be gods of their own planets. How is this going to work out? Does not make sense to me.
My Seminary teacher, Sister Loader, offered the following as a response: We don't know. We don't know, but we can take steps to figure it out later. If I married my husband, and we got sealed in the temple, and he passed away after I gave birth to our first child. Then later, I remarried the man who raised my daughter. Who should I be sealed to? Should I divorce my first husband to get sealed to the second? Well, what we can do is ask my daughter to do it for me. After I pass away, (Not 100% sure about passing away, I'll ask her again if you'd like me to.) my daughter can go into the Temple and seal me to my second husband, then it's my choice. In all honesty, we don't know. But we can cover our bases and have faith that God will help us figure it out in the next life.
The briefest and succinctest answer: No. The less brief (but still brief) answer: The Latter-day Saint understanding of "sealing" has evolved over the years (largely because, as Mats mentioned, there's a lot we don't know). In Joseph Smith's time, they pretty much sealed everybody to everybody haha. Joseph Smith was even sealed to other men. I think the idea was that they knew it was important but didn't have all the details about it, so they did the best they could. We still don't have all the details, so we do the best we can. But to more directly respond to your question: Current policy (if I understand correctly) is that women can only be sealed to one man at a time. So if she's sealed to someone and that sealing is annulled, then she can be sealed to someone else. If vicarious sealings are being performed for a _deceased_ woman, I believe she can be sealed to more than one husband. How polygamous/polyandrous sealings will pan out in the afterlife is beyond me, but I'm certain those involved will figure it out with God when the time comes.
@@davidsnell2605 Okay. Is Joesph Smith gay? Lol Correct me if I'm wrong: So women get to marry in the temple more than once (after they divorced) and we don't know if it's polygamous until we're in heaven?
@@Stephanie-qi1ls Haha nope, Joseph Smith wasn't gay. Again, what sealings were was understood differently back then. Nowadays marriages and sealings happen at the same time, but back in Joseph's time just because you were sealed didn't necessarily mean you were married. In fact I think they were always married civilly first, and then sealed later, if indeed the sealing was for spousal purposes (which it sometimes wasn't). Concerning your final statement: Yes, women can get married in the temple more than once. If they want to get re-married in the temple during their lifetime, their previous sealing has to be annulled, so the second sealing wouldn't be polyandrous in nature because the previous one has been annulled. However, if the woman is deceased and sealed to multiple men by proxy, then technically that would be polyandrous, and how that would work in the eternities I have no idea haha. Side-note (sort of): We believe that Jesus Christ will personally reign on earth for a thousand years after his Second Coming (we call this the Millennium, which the book of Revelation talks about), during which time I think we'll be working out all the kinks when it comes to these things that we don't know much about. So that comforts me haha.
Unfortunately, some members do not treat divorced people well. There is a lot of stigma surrounding divorce, including the two had to do something like having an affair to end the marriage. Single moms can have even more problems from judgmental people . I witnessed this directly being raised by a single mom. Family is such a big influence in the church, and so singles, divorced and children of divorced parents can be stigmatized.
Tough as a single person. Recent convert here. Class today was about family... and getting sealed. Think divorce was lightly touched on. Technically had one annulled due to her adultery, came close one other time. Never found one that was available & self sufficient. Marriage is supposed to be 50/50. So have had standards much like LDS are. But how to find other LDS singles?
What disappoints me about the church is that the church claims to family friendly and has the Proclamation on the Family but there is little investment in teaching and coaching couples regarding being able to have successful marriages. There is no push for pre-marital counseling. Unfortunately, couples are left to find their own resources to keep their marriages together.
As good as this video is, I feel like you missed a big concern we face in the church. What happens to my Salvation?? My temple covenants? I mean, isn't that a bigger concern than the cultural aspect of it? For me, it was too generic and missing a huge reason why we choose to stay together, even when it's crazy hard.
Um....Holly...graduated in 2000? LIES!!! You don’t look a day past 28!!! I don’t have much experience with divorce however, this is a great video because it helps others like myself see specific needs for those who have been divorced. Btw, non-LDS.
This episode spoke to me cause ive been happily separated for 15 years cause although my ex and i can no longer be together as spouses, neither of us can afford to or want to get divorced cause of the stigma associated with it. My parents were married till my father passed and her parents are still married to this day, and they both impressed upon us that divorce was a bad thing. I guess it depends alot on how u are raised.
What is the opinion on a 23 year marriage that is about to end because the wife realizes that for years she no longer needs physically and emotionally her husband. And gives no reason for it?
The Sealing ordinance is not ever supposed to trap you in a relationship. God would never set it up so that someone would be forced to remain with someone who hurt them for eternity. You are sealed to god and he is the binding force in our relationships. Divorcing someone doesn't get rid of your seal to God, and being Sealed to someone doesn't mean that you forgo your ability to choose your eternal companion. My aunt is divorced, and now is remarried and has been sealed to her current husband, as well as all her children from both marriages. She's **not** going to hell for wanting a happy partnership where she can raise her kids in a stable environment, and God will make sure that everyone can be part of a loving family in heaven if they so choose.
LDS couples can get divorced. The problem is marriage is supposed to be forever. Sometimes that does not work out. I find a lot of divorcees go inactive for time after the marriage breaks up. It is just too difficult. Ending a marriage feels like failure for the person. In some cases, divorce feels like the other spouse has died. But divorce can be expected to occur in the church.
look what happens with work - more short term assignments, contractual work, employers are less willing to sign a permanent contract with their employees, and employees are building their portfolios mad up of sometimes hundreds of short term projects/ assignments that they do sometimes simultaneously. Thats an evolutionary thing, the speed of life, changes around us, transparency of everything, informational abundance, etc. causing people to change economic relationships. Same is happening with marriages as a socio-economic form of contract
So. the fish bowl... still a thing... you can't claim ignorance anymore, its been explained to you... gold fish shouldn't be in bowls for _any_ length of time and you don't need to take them out of the tank to clean it.
Yes Mormons can get divorced when there's cheating or abuse. Not many do that I no of because they say it's against there religion but sometimes you have to.
Nearly all people will go to Heaven and you don’t have to be married to reach a denomination. The issue comes with being exalted and receiving celestial glory (tipy top of heaven where God and Christ reside). In order to reach there, you have to receive a few essential ordinances known as saving ordinances. These consist of: baptism, confirmation, bestowment of both types of priesthood (for men only), endowment in the temple, and a temple sealing. In order to be exalted, one must be married and sealed to their spouse eternally in the temple. This goes for both men and women.
There is no difference between men and women in this regard. It is just as necessary (or not) for and man as a woman in LDS Doctrine. As others of said, marriage is a requirement for the highest level of exaltation, not slavation.
You guys get a downvote from me on this. Jesus Christ has been extremely clear about the evil of divorce. Matthew 19:9, Mark 10:12, Luke 16:18. God says, "if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery," but you say, "I had a good reason." Every covenant breaker thinks they have a good reason, but for some reason, when it is the sealing covenant, people just eat up the sob stories and think their reasoning is better than God's. It's not.
I was married for fourteen years until a Mormon came between my wife and I and caused the breakdown of our Marriage. He was fully aware she was married with a child but that did not bother him.
Heck yes, we can get divorced! And we can be happily divorced! Like me! I'm ever so grateful that I never once felt that my divorce was a bad choice, temporally, or spiritually! Why would Heavenly Father or Jesus be ok with me being in a toxic, abusive marriage? Like "Well, you made a choice that brought you misery, and pain, and ended up being a catalyst for worsening your addictions, and self esteem...but you gotta stay with him now, sorry not sorry." For the most part, (because there's always exceptions to the rule) LDS people are HAPPY! Happy people don't stay in miserable, toxic environments, and Jesus wouldn't want that for anyone!
The scriptures in Luke, Mark, and Matthew are the same story repeated in each book (just to save people time). More information on this from a Latter-day Saint perspective: www.fairmormon.org/answers/Mormon_ordinances/Marriage/Jesus_said_%22neither_marry_nor_given_in_marriage%22#Question:_Does_Jesus_Christ.27s_statement_.22they_neither_marry.2C_nor_are_given_in_marriage.22_contradict_the_Latter-day_Saint_doctrine_of_eternal_marriage.3F
David Snell, my friend here we have three of the gospels, the gospel according to Matthew, according to Mark and according to Luke. We have here a record of 3 different people at an event, the event being when Christ Jesus was addressing the Saducees, answering their question on marriage in heaven, a place the Saducees don't even belive in. We have 3 different perspectives, 3 different points of veiw. Yes some of the stories in these gospels sound the same, but all 3 gospels are worded differently, yet all 3 gospels have the same message and the message on this topic, the topic of marriage in heaven is this, Christ Jesus who is GOD in the flesh says there is no eternal marriage in heaven between a man and his wife. So addressing the link posted, as a Christian, a follower of Christ Jesus, and a believer in the Only Eternal Living GOD, it concerns me. It concerns me not only for your eternal salvation but also for the eternal salvation of others who are in the lds faith. My friend It's not does the teachings of Christ contradict the lds teachings of eternal marriage, it is do the lds teachings contradict what Christ Jesus taught, and the answer is yes. Do the lds teachings contradict what the Divine Revelation from GOD that has already been given to us teach, that my friend is the Holy Bible, and the answer my friend is yes, yes they do.
Joey Feliciano, my friend thankyou for your response, by reading through your post you sound like an individual who is looking for Truth. So let me ask you some questions. Do you believe in the Only Eternal Living GOD??? Do you believe the Holy BIble to be the Word of GOD??? My friend, regarding the last part of your post, about me minding my own salvation, let me respond back to you this way. Lets say in your place of employment, you deal with power equipment, heavy machinery, and your in charge of making sure it all operates correctly. Now in your place of employment you come across a piece of power equipment that is faulty and only you know about it, now you could of said something anyone, you could have warned others not to use it, but instead you did nothing and you said nothing to no-one. The next day a co-worker decides to uses that same piece of equipment hoping it will help speed up the job, not knowing it doesn't work properly they gets injured and they die. Now the blood of that co-worker is on your hands. This is my point, you see my friend as a born again believer, a follower of Christ, when it comes to salvation we aren't to just worry about are own, we are to be concerned for the eternal salvation of others, this what the Bible teaches us. When I say to a wicked person, ‘You will surely die,’ and you do not warn them or speak out to dissuade them from their evil ways in order to save their life, that wicked person will die for their sin, and I will hold you accountable for their blood. But if you do warn the wicked person and they do not turn from their wickedness or from their evil ways, they will die for their sin; but you will have saved yourself. Ezekiel 3:18-19 NIV bible.com/bible/111/ezk.3.18-19.NIV My friend, you are right about one thing, I can't save anyone, neither can you, none of use have that power or authority. All we can do is plant a seed by giving a message from the Word of GOD, a message of the hope we can have that is found only in Christ Jesus, the rest my friend is between the other individual and GOD. It's Only JESUS who has power and authority to save, Only JESUS Saves!!! So wouldn't you rather stand with GOD and be judged by the world, than to stand with the world and be judged by GOD???
