Christian Mingle: The Movie 

This whole movie is shot like a medicine commercial

"If God didn't give you a husband, you ain't getting a husband Gretch" LMAO

I love how even in movies written by and for Christians, the Christian characters are still insufferable bullies

As a latino, I can guarantee you miss Kelly over there was genuinely speaking incomprehensible gibberish

"Christian Mingle? You're better off being CHRIstiaN SiNgLE"

Dear people saying her Spanish sounds like someone summoning Satan: Please stop, Satan is scared of whatever language she's speaking

My mother is Christian and often invites Christian friends over. There's one particular couple who have no personality other than being Christian and my sister calls them the NPCs.

I thought my standards were low in highschool but this grown woman's standards are "look me in the eyes for 10 seconds and smile" 😂

“if god didn’t give you a husband, you ain’t getting a husband”

That "Spanish" sounded like someone trying to speak Italian in the most nasally French accent they could do

as an asian person, i have never wanted to punch someone more than that guy taking forever to chew on some sushi

Imagine being a Christian and breaking up with a girl for not being Christian enough on a missionary trip Instead of helping her become Christian enough

“Husband for you, husband for you, husband for you... And none for Gretchen Weiners.” Brilliant.

Rom-com? More like wrong-com.

as someone raised christian: the most unbelievable thing is that they were mad she wasnt already "fully christian" like when someone even HINTS that they might like to get into it its like sharks to water they would be all about getting her fully converted

kelly basically told the kids that they should be happy when confronted with challenges which is 100x worse than not knowing the bible by heart 💀💀💀💀

So you’re telling me that Christian Mingle advertised themselves with a film about a woman LYING about being a Christian?? I see no flaws here.

“I’m terrible with time management” UMMMMMM Mr.Struggle?!!

I think the cookies keep coming up as a kinda weird and unsubtle way to reinforce that she’s changing and becoming a “better, more humble, and more obedient Christian girl” bc this is 100% the kind of thing they’d do to me when I lived with my ultra-religious family; they try to force you to change small things so your primed to change bigger things. Like she changes her religion, her job, her eating habits, her interests, even stops eating and speaking SpOoKy FoRiEgN sTuFf oooo meanwhile wonderbread gets to tell her to fuck off twice, change nothing about the way he acts or thinks, and gets to waltz in and be her husband anyway Like it never says why she doesn’t eat cookies but it’s kinda implied “oh, she’s a worldly city girl who wears the pants in her life. She eats sushi and not cookies bc she’s vain and *multicultural* oooo scary” so instead of being like “yeah mr mayo is too different from me we’re not a good couple” she forced herself to change to be the kind of girl he likes bc she’s so desperate and really, /wouldn’t she be more happy as a married Christian girl who’s subservient and obedient to her husband?/ My folks tried to do the same thing with me and instead I moved out, spent 5 years working on my own life and casually meeting people before finding someone who ACTUALLY understood and liked me that I ACTUALLY wanted to spend my life with lol

as someone who was raised Christian and being the only female in my family (had cousins that were all boys), the pressure I was put on as a CHILD to get married as young as 18 was wild.

This movie is the definition of “I want a church girl that go to church and read her bible”

As a Christian, I'm just trying to figure out how this movie is going to make any logical-thinking person want to use Christian mingle.....

17:02 as a latino, i dont know if i should laugh or genuinely be concerned that not even one person that spoke Spanish was on their production team

I can't believe they put a movie in this ad, unbelievable

GRETCHEN, STOP TRYING TO MAKE A HUSBAND HAPPEN. IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

Husband for you, husband for you, husband for you... *and none for Gretchen Wieners, bye* I’m crying.

They could've had a dating montage if she tried other dating apps first that weren't working out and it would've made me story better and still satisfy the brand

That lady was straight up speaking in tongues that was NOT Spanish lmaooo

"See them? I think they're on a Tinder date." "Wow, that's gotta be so awkward." "Thank God we used *cHriStiAn MiNgLe"*

"I just want to meet a guy who will look at me for ten seconds and smile." Wow, setting the bar high there aren't we?

I physically cannot believe that Corbin Bernsen actually wrote this, that is genuinely hilarious considering that all of his other films and shows are the farthest from a good Christian cinema as possible 😂

the funniest part is that all these characters act like evangelical protestants but thats CLEARLY a catholic church they're attending in 14:17 lmao

I didn’t realise this was only released in 2014. This legitimately seems like something from 2004.

Spanish is my second language. I have no idea what language that lady is speaking. Sounds like she's summoning Satan.

The stark, stale, whiteness of the steak and cake scene intermingled with the indulgent, messy, steak and cakes is like something in a weird horror movie. Like they’d totally just go absolutely fucking rabid eating the cake and steaks with only their hands and just mushing it into their faces, and we’d get this absolutely chaotic shot of them leaving the restaurant, seat empty, white couch and walls just coated in chocolate smears and grease. Then we’d get a shot of them leaving, a little smirk on their faces, and wiping their mouths with these clean white handkerchiefs they’d all personally keep in their pockets, but it would just smear the chocolate and grease around their mouths and their hands would also be so sticky and dirty, also their clothes would be all wrinkled and smeared with food.

The saddest part of this entire thing is that this was directed by the guy who played the dad in Psych and my soul is crushed.

Kelly: speaks ‘Spanish’ The demon she summoned: h e l o

“I want a man who wears plaid shirts, force feeds me cookies, and makes me wanna throw up watching him eat new foods. Bonus if he only loves me if I’m Christian enough.”

Life has not been great to Lacey acting wise since mean girls 😭😂😂 the amount of Hallmark Christmas movies she’s been in is ridiculous 😂

The chewing noises in the sushi restaurant scene were so aggravating

Hahahaha omg i don’t speak english natively and when he said “dating sites where christians can meet other christians” I didn’t think of the religion I thought some guys named Christian were too extra to date any other people than fellow Christians and I didn’t even question it lmaooo

Why didn't Gwyneth just... say she was recently converted instead of pretending that she was christian before

GF came in and started watching this with me, and her instant reaction to the sushi scene was "That guy's not going to go down on her."

It took me a couple tries, but that girl said "My brothers, consider yourselves happy when you have to face various trials," which you don't say to a little girl whose entire home was destroyed lol basically told her "just smile, no biggie" lol

There’s Hollywood, there’s Bollywood. Now let me introduce you to Holywood.

he’s wearing a flannel shirt. sorry gretchen but you’re dating a lesbian, i don’t make the rules.

duolingo should make a movie where a woman is converted to learning spanish on duolingo, and it should feature MULTIPLE duolingo lesson montages, and the one of the conflicts has to be that she loses her streak

I like to re-watch Kurtis’s old videos (it’s 2023 now) and it’s crazy how his voice changed. Men really do have 2 puberty’s.

Nobody going to talk about how 80% of Mexico is already Christian, teaching Christianity in Mexico is like teaching a professor how to read.

I WANNA CHURCH GIRL THAT GO TO CHURCH AND READ HER BIBLEEEEEEEE

the fact that the dad from psych wrote this movie makes it 10x more entertaining

10:55 as a Japanese person, I'd be like aight date over lol you doing too much to make this food seem gross & it's disrespectful

"If god didn't give you a husband, you ain't getting a husband" literally made me CACKLE

you didn’t include the horrible part when a kid comes up to her in MEXICO, speaking spanish, and she tells him to speak english. this movie was so awful

The fact that Shaun’s dad from Psych wrote this movie killed me. My soul is dead.

i was listening to this video in the background, and let me tell you: the sushi seen is 10x longer when there’s no video component. it’s just like an unbroken minute of silence while the restaurant music plays before gretchen speaks.

Shirt: tucked Pants: cuffed Mental health: deteriorating

*”goodbye burn book, hello good book”*

The fact that the main dude’s name sounds like the Chinese phrase ‘没有 (mei you)’ which translates loosely to ‘not having’ is fucking priceless 💀

5:16 “And now I gotta make bald guys believe some magical potion they buy on TV is gonna solve all their problems… but first I gotta pray to this magical guy I read about who’s gonna solve all my problems.”

My grandma unironically forced me to watch this after i dyed my hair blue because i need a nice, moral christian husband to set me on the blonde path to heaven.

spanish is my first language and i have just two comments about it a) i had to listen like 4 times to understand what that lady said b) she literally said "consider yourselves lucky that you got tested by god" girl my village 😭😭

There is no way she said "our kelly", she straight up said "R. Kelly"

I LOVE MEAN GIRLS AND ALL THE REFERENCES WERE PERFECT THANK YOU KURTIS

*If God didn't give you a husband, you ain't gettin' a husband Gretch*

Ah yes, a date scene where the love interest chews on a sushi for 40 seconds straight, how romantic.

10:37 HE'S NOT EVEN HOLDING THE CHOPSTICKS CORRECTLY KJABEKQNSKB

Let me tell you, having grown up in that culture where a woman's worth is determined by her spouse, being the last one standing is a real fear for a lot of young women. Also, every mission ministry I have ever known requires thorough interviews, a declaration of faith, and often several theology and apologetics courses before you are even considered for the team, so inviting an unvetted rando to join last minute is on them.

Uhm... “a brand can’t make a movie about themselves with a good plot” the LEGO movie if a ciNiMaTiC mAsTeRpiEcE

omg, I first thought that "Christian Mingle" was the name of the main character

a way better ending would be her going "no, i only have room in my heart for god"

10:23, im not even east-asian and that poor usage of the chopsticks offends me, im just south-asian

Man, Mayonase is bad at time management? Watch out Gretchen, you've got a Mr. Struggle on your hands.

17:03 As a Spanish speaker, it literally took me a hot few seconds to realise she was speaking Spanish and not Minecraft Enchantment Table

“Oh! we’ll put 2 ads for the rest of the mo-“ ad plays Kurtis is a genius

I’m a recent subscriber and I’m going through some of the back catalogue. This is one of the funniest videos I’ve seen in a while.

girl defined would NOT approve of this movie

All she had to do was say she was a fresh convert and didn’t know much about the bible.

17:31 Ngl laughing at this movie and that conflict they set up. I grew up in a very Catholic family, and the entire parish seemed excited as all get out and very welcoming when someone expressed even the smallest bit of interest in joining the faith. The same went for some of my secular friends in college and their youth groups, too. The whole breakup scenario and the family's judgment over the lead not knowing the Bible verbatim despite her showing a concerted effort in trying to learn the faith reads more like an A.I. attempting to write the script than actual Christians, which is wild. Way to advertise your own faith and dating service, guys.

I love how the website was only relevant for 30 minutes before they were in Mexico mode for the rest.

“Ultimately leaves the date to go touch another girls BACK”

“Aren’t You Supposed to, like, forgive, and stuff, or is that like, catholic” Who’s going to tell Kurtis That Catholicism is a type of Christianity

Dude I love your subject matter. It’s like a nostalgia trip through my late night commercials of my teen years.

GAWD A BABY WITH NO TEETH COULD EAT A ROCK FASTER THAN THAT GUY EATING SUSHI

My mom was catfished on Christian Mingle

I was crying last night and this video helped so much. thank you

The amount of mean girls puns and references really made my day

*r/AreTheStraightsOk : The Movie*

No one: Not a single soul: Gretchen: *funky spunky*

The gulping scene is traumatic AF.

I laughed at the "christian pringles"-joke

don’t touch her back. touch her heart.

im a fluent spanish speaker and i literally could not understand a word r kelly was saying ,,

The flashback to the sushi scene at the end really got me 💀 😭

10:17 The way they’re playing stereotypical ‘asian’ music in the background is so funny to me.

That wasn't Spanish, she was performing an exorcism on the girl for asking that question.

The lady speaking Spanish literally told the kids to be proud that they’re village burned down. 💀

THAT SUSHI SCENE WAS SO AWKWARD 💀 honestly if a date is that bad, idk what to tell you, man. he isn't your prince charming. ngl though i would be a terrible girlfriend for that guy, i'd just die laughing at him being mayonnaise.

Kurtis, I love your humor so much! Thank you for always making me laugh 🥰

Ariana Grande: God is a woman Me: no God is marketing genius