Cognitive Dissonance: Emotion Processing 22/30

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Cognitive dissonance is when we have a gap between what we believe is right and what we are doing. This means that we believe one thing but are acting on something else. You can do all the coping and meditation and self-care you can handle, but if you don’t figure out cognitive dissonance, you’re not going to feel good. There is no substitute for integrity when it comes to peace of mind.
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Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC, and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.
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In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction.
And deeper than all of that, the Gospel of Jesus Christ orients my personal worldview and sense of security, peace, hope, and love www.churchofjesuschrist.org/c...
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Опубликовано:

14 июл 2021

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Комментарии : 1 тыс.

@tayaz.4211 2 года назад

This made me emotional: "Your body is an instrument to do good, not an ornament to be objectified.” Every young adult needs to hear these words and believe them.

@jimicunningable 2 года назад

This concept was attached to a nationalistic deity when I first heard them. I can not believe God only comes from one valley or race or species, so I rejected it passionately for decades. It's a shame such good concepts can be attached to human attachments.

@jimicunningable 2 года назад

If our bodies are categorically made to do good, then why are we cursed involitionally with genetic disease and generational trauma??? Did Gawd throw some innocents under the suffering bus to glorify Himself? NOT a validating answer... In fact, it is a collosally heartless answer. "You suffer because Gawd cares so little for your personal experience, that he made you a mere lesson for healthy people"?!?!?! Wow. Titanic levels of cruelty in this rationalization!!! Dear Gawd the cruelty of your jealous Yaweh!!! We suffer to draw attention to the mightyness of an insecure Gawd??? Well then, @#$% Him. I would be far nicer to a mere hamster. In fact I have been.

@statsorama 2 года назад

Same! And I’m 41; if I had heard this in my teens vs the normal pop crap they gave us in the 90s, I 100% would have been so much happier. Thank you 🙏

@amandaralph2966 Год назад

😅

@kathygreenhill4380 Год назад

This helped me to start taking care of my self thank you

@dr.bandito60 Год назад

dissonance often arises when you are in the midst of shifting belief systems. Your understanding of the world may be changing but you are also holding onto attachments to old behaviors, thoughts, and relationships that keep you trapped in your old life. It takes time and careful assessment to figure out what can stay and what should go. Attachments don’t just disappear when you want them to. They need a proper send-off.

@stinaljungstrom8691 Год назад

I would say it's almost the same with depression. You can get depressed because your life isn't correlating with what you believe to be valuable. Maybe you realized your old behavior and life doesn't work for you anymore. Then you can get depressed until you change things and start living more true to you values.

@aleciaupson9977 Год назад

I felt that

@mmowec8159 Год назад

Wow. So well said. I'm in complete agreement

@amandav5824 Год назад

Thank you for saying that. It makes perfect sense

@drstrangelove307 Год назад

@@stinaljungstrom8691 that last line about living true to your values hit me like a truck. I really needed to hear something like that, thank you, seriously. It’s something I need to start doing now.

@tuphdc8779 2 года назад

she's so wholesome! I feel better just by her presence

@lisbethbird8268 2 года назад

@@annieb3108 what is your problem?

@kimmyjimmy1731 2 года назад

@@lisbethbird8268 wut dud she say?

@amjan 2 года назад

Who is "she"? You can write in 2nd person to Mrs Emma since this is her channel.

@tuphdc8779 2 года назад

@@amjan processing your emotions take some time but you are stronger than you think

@lisbethbird8268 2 года назад

@@kimmyjimmy1731 just dumb insults to Emma. Somebody got rid of em. Good.

@drewjames1778 2 года назад

"Integrity is all about closing the gap between our actions & our values." "There is no substitute for integrity when it comes to a peace of mind." Thank you so much for the reminder! Love the background music. Blessings on you today.

@someguy2135 Год назад

One example would be those people who are compassionate and love animals, but still create the demand for factory farmed animal agriculture.

@JEBBY123IFY Год назад

Be that hero!!

@adilahaz Год назад

My cognitive dissonance: Forgiveness The longer I hold to the hurt, anger, bitterness and resentment from mistreatment, I couldn't feel joyful and happiness with my life. Action: 1. I forgive and let go of past hurt because they no longer serve the purpose 2. I forgive in order to move my life forward to be more kind and compassionate 3. I forgive to release myself from guilt, shame, unworthiness, pain and injustice Thanks for showing the relativism of values and actions

@teacherlady6500 2 года назад

Emma, I don’t know if you are still even reading these comments but I just have to say…. I spent lots of money and lots of time working with another therapist for almost a year and made zero progress with my anxiety. You have helped me so much just by watching videos!!! Thank you for making a difference in my life. I have to do the work but I thank you for the ideas .

@Mushroom321- Год назад

Congratulations 🎊

@amaliamejia7277 Год назад

Proud of you teacherlady that this video is helping you !

@stephengwalker8714 Год назад

Go get it teacherlady! Cheers! I agree with you and on same journey!

@itspurple9824 Год назад

why is there a space before the last . like this .

@TSJ99 Год назад

@@itspurple9824 does it matter

@readers9721 8 месяцев назад

I am a clinical psychologist and watching her videos has developed me as a therapist so much. I am beyond grateful for her. ❤

@robwalton2007 9 дней назад

Hey, I am glad you developed more as a therapist by watching Emma's videos. And, from someone with anxiety, depression and PTSD that is in therapy, THANK YOU for being a psychologist and doing what you do. We need more people like you. 🥰❤

@amihere383 Год назад

My biggest help getting rid of those “should dos” is to replace them with “want to”. Saying you should is another way of saying that you have to, and it automatically takes more effort to do something you have to do compared to something you want to do, just because you have to do it. I don’t have to exercise. But I want to, because it makes me feel so much better physically and mentally. It’s not a requirement for me, so it’s not a chore or something that weighs on my mental willpower.

@phoebebaker1575 Год назад

It’s amazing how much of a difference that makes!

@annalesezawodny-benlon4359 Год назад

Thank you for mentioning this. Your example is such a helpful way to adjust thinking, AND it is motivational. I am trying this today

@Je-Lia Год назад

Fantastic! So true. Very insightful. Very effective. I do the same thing. Another way of looking at it, that I try to give to my boys is: Connect to a sense of joy, EN-joy-ment in whatever it is you are doing. One way, is to be fully present, rather than "just can't wait to get this done, over with, so I can play on my Xbox!"

@octohex2908 Месяц назад

so we should work from a place of abundance to fullfill rather than holes we have to fill

@laurenroberts4159 Год назад

This CD has three separate relaxation/meditation sessions on it ru-vid.comUgkxzpa8CIfZcihW4Z0F_ja0QF3W9KIatrsq guided by a very pleasant and direct male voice. Unlike so many other products of its type, this CD does not have bad synthesizer music, does not feature a phony or affected style of narration, and does not make any bogus claims to be subliminal or to re-train the brain or any of that balderdash. What you get is 1. a guided meditation for getting into a pleasantly relaxed state of body awareness while taking a stroll (superb for those easing back into a fitness routine slowly after an illness or injury) 2. A nice long breath-awareness relaxation session that if followed diligently can put you into very deep states of full-body relaxation and mental calmness, and 3. a buddhist-inspired meditation session designed to help you develop and maintain feelings of loving kindness toward not just yourself and your friends, but toward people you don't even like. The CD makes no claims to be designed for advanced meditators or for buddhists or hindus/yoga practitioners looking for very deep and esoteric stuff. It is geared more toward the average person who just wants to develop the habit of relaxation and stress relief through natural, healthy means. him, if you happen to be reading this, keep up the good work fella, and I love your accent. I would also like to note that I have never fallen asleep while listening to this product. I would like to kindly suggest to the reviewer who said this CD makes him fall asleep, that he might want to get checked to see if he has a sleep disorder, or if he is simply not setting aside ample time for restful sleep at night. A healthy person getting adequate rest at night should be able to go into deep states of mental relaxation without dozing off, if not all the time, then most of the time.

@thelibrarycop2000 Год назад

I’ve been in therapy on and off for years. I’ve been ghosted by therapists and I’ve felt like my issues are so deeply ingrained that I almost feel hopeless. I’ve often told therapists that I feel like my logical self hasn’t been able to convince my emotional self so I’ve been living in a black hole of guilt, shame mixed with anxiety, adhd, and thanks to the pandemic, depression. It’s take it’s toll in every single aspect of my life and I can physically feel it. Thanks to your video now I know it’s called cognitive dissonance.

@justinebourke9449 Год назад

I'm very similar to you I think in that therapists/counsellors just get frustrated with me and give up because I am so resistant to suggestions , then I feel like a total hopeless case. My fear and negativity is just so deeply ingrained from childhood. I know I have cognitive dissonance. I know that I need to take actions but I just can't bring myself to. Now I'm in an endless cycle of really extreme anxiety and depression, it is constant and I'm paralysed with it. I can't motivate myself to leave my bed, I barely eat or wash or anything. I don't know what to do with myself and my time and I mostly do nothing but panic. I know I should go for walks, for example, but when I do it takes tremendous will power to make myself, I hate every moment of it and feel so vulnerable and horrible doing it I don't feel any better afterwards yet I feel guilty if I don't, it's the same with just about everything. I feel like I need somebody to coax me and hold my hand to do anything - to live.. I'm 50 but feel like a scared child and I'm so ashamed of that. I don't have anyone to be with and encourage me and I just can't motivate myself or know what to do. I don't know if you're experiencing the same but you seem to be very stuck in some way also? How are you now, 4 months on?

@karolinam3 Год назад

@@justinebourke9449 I was very stuck also and then started listening to Anna Runkle. This channel and hers helped me to understand a lot and also to get back the motivation to live. I hope you find something that works for you because I know this is a bad place to be stuck. But there is hope - if I made it, I'm sure you can as well ❤️‍🩹

@Aquarian_Heart Год назад

@@justinebourke9449 what you describe yourself as is exactly what I'm facing in all aspects you mentioned. I feel the exact same way.. like I need someone to hold my hand and help me do everything. What I account to this is I'm shutting down due to not healing my inner child. The needing of someone to help me do everything I feel is due to the lack of help I had as a child.. I didn't get it and now as an adult I'm very sad about it and feel like a child in some ways. I'm trying to work on self parenting.. like I cannot convince myself to do the things I need but then I talk to myself as a parent I wish I had.. and I allow myself to feel how I would feel if I had that parent actually say it. But I do wish I had someone around to help me get into the groove.

@Aquarian_Heart Год назад

I am in the same spot.. stuck.. because I know myself and my situation so well I shock my therapists with my own knowledge. It's just the doing part that I'm struggling with

@justinebourke9449 Год назад

@@Aquarian_Heart I feel for you because I know exactly what it's like. It's unbearable. It's so lonely and scary for me, I don't know if you feel that way? I'm reduced to a helpess, terrified little child who has lost its mother , its the rawest pain and fear, utter devastation and then how demeaning it is, I hate myself for not being able to get ot of it. The shame is huge and you know how people will see you as pathetic for being this way but how could they possibly understand without having experienced it themselves?

@TysonMichael77 2 года назад

“Choosing to be honest about what you value and what you want to do” I love that, I feel like often times we just do things cause we feel or think we “should” when in reality sometimes you don’t want to do that thing at all. I think it’s best to just be honest with ourselves & listen to our bodies

@damien678 Год назад

A lot of people also should come to terms with their darker sides, too. That's when I started truly feeling more at peace with myself and more confident

@josephisaround 6 месяцев назад

Everybody who got offended by the example used in this video is exactly the person who should watch this video.

@Kayla4217 2 года назад

How is it that I've spent nearly 10 years in therapy and this is the first time someone has explained to me something I have been trying to figure out on my own what my problem is for 26 years now

@sandym4317 2 года назад

I’m learning the Medical field wants to continue‘treating’ the problem, not curing it. No matter the disease. Emma has helped me so much in her videos.

@Phantom.1 2 года назад

Because talk therapy doesn’t work. That’s why it lasts for YEARS. Acceptance Commitment Therapy, (ACT) works.

@RestWithin Год назад

Therapists don’t teach they just listen.

@jebidiahnewkedkracker1801 Год назад

Probably like me you MAY have placed too much faith in the "objective science" of psychology and/or the "benefits" of "therapy"? (Therapy CAN BE very beneficial....To the therapists pocketbook? Or maybe they are just "pushers" for the pharmaceutical industry...."Gotta problem with your parents or spouse? Take two of these........((Fill in the blank with whatever LEGAL psychotropic is available with a psychiatrists Rx)).... and call me next week or next month!") But putting aside such cynicism, there probably ARE many therapists who actually have their HEARTS in the right place, and genuinely WANT to help their patients, but there may be some that MIGHT BE "in over their head" dealing with patients?? Or maybe like I suspect a number of psychiatrists I have had and dealt with, they generally do not have the patience or temperament to listen to numerous people complain for an hour once a week or once a month, and the solution is just to throw legally prescribed drugs at the problem???? I don't know. I DO know, that yes, one may have to do a lot of searching for answers on their own. But if a RU-vid video helps you find answers, or a solution to a problem, it can't be all that bad right?? Or until you start reading THE COMMENTS?!?🤣🥺😒😶🤗

@RestWithin Год назад

@@redredkroovy they expect you to heal yourself because when you talk things through with someone you start to understand what the problem is and how to solve it yourself plus talking is cathartic and healing in that repressed emotions or responses to traumatic experiences can be offloaded. It helps but they don’t have a magic wand.

@sarahglass6841 2 года назад

What you teach and share on your channel is life changing. I've gone to therapy on and off for the last 10 years to find help, to live with less stress and anxiety, to heal trauma, and live more authentically and more in alignment with who I am. Youre videos have helped me more than all those years of therapy, in a fraction of the time. So thank you, so very much for what you do. Also im very much looking forward to the future videos about figuring out ones personal values. As I dont think many people know that about themselves, I know I sure don't and am just scratching the surface on that topic.

@LoDi1177 2 года назад

Ditto

@annabellenewman1945 Год назад

Life changing..,HA

@theresekirkpatrick3337 Год назад

Me as well

@ralphmccawley1554 2 года назад

Hi Emma, thank you. You may have, in ten minutes, helped me to finally understand what I've been struggling with for 70 years ( minus the 16 + training wheel years). Now it's up to me to gently apply this information and try to make my remaining years more comfortable, not just for myself but the wonderful, patient people that have been loving and supporting me through my sometime troubled and misguided life. Thank you, you keep up the great and good work, you've obviously have a gift for it as this was the first time I have seen any of your work. All the very best to you and yours.

@charoncross6696 2 года назад

I'm feeling a bit called out here.

@Unkn0wn1133 Год назад

I used to have anxiety every day untill I thought about was causing it like being in debt, lying in some way,procrastinating, being around people I shouldnt. Then I stopped doing these things as much as possible and I only get anxious when Im doing something I shouldnt basically. What she’s saying really works

@kgreene460 2 года назад

This channel is incredibly valuable to me! I cannot afford traditional therapy right now and these mini lectures really hit the spot and help me process SO much through journaling, thank you!

@drewjames1778 2 года назад

So true! I completely agree. Such much value on this channel.

@yvonnedaniel1053 2 года назад

She has helped me so much. She explains things so well and truly wants us to understand so we can take control over the changes we need to make.

@RayWalker-pythonic 2 года назад

It is for me, too. I like her no nonsense explanations.

@jimicunningable 2 года назад

IF IT NEEDS TO BE BOUGHT, IT IS A PRODUCT, NOT HEALING. REJECT THIS WORLD'S VALUES AND WE WILL ALL BE MORE LIKELY TO THRIVE.

@kgreene460 2 года назад

@@jimicunningable There's no need to YELL ABOUT IT, JIMI. Calm down and stop trying to tell other people how to live their lives. You have just as many answers as I do, don;t forget that.

@BozzleyOfficial Год назад

God this is gold. "There is no substitute for integrity when it comes to peace of mind".

@LJK1032 2 года назад

Thank you so much, Emma, for sharing your knowledge, experience, and wisdom. 💕 I am grateful God led me to your channel, your clear teaching helps me more than you can know. I’m a 70-year widow about to retire from my long career and your videos show me how to understand myself better to be a blessing to others and myself in the new journey ahead. Many blessings to you! ☀️🌷Keep up your work, you are gifted to help others understand our life journey on this earth.

@waynemills206 7 месяцев назад

I find the appeal to the grace of god within a cognitive dissonance video a rich one. I would contend that gods were the product of a brain bereft of cognitive self examination (like Emma outlines here) and therefore constructed an outlet to specifically address the cognitive dissonance of hope, meaning and purpose in a reality where none of those matter - except of course to us. Vicarious redemption, scapegoating, cognitive saviors etc. all point to a brain's desire to reduce stress when we either make predictive errors or fail to resolve novel predictions. In essence, we use gods to tie off cortisol flow when we can't resolve something ourselves.

@Take-yr5hl 2 года назад

I really value the added part on the video! I think it's amazing that you are also reflecting on what you're saying and making your communication as clear as possible

@Lyddiebits Год назад

I recently realized I have a gigantic gap between who I think I am, versus who people see me as and it’s crushing. I have thought I was a nice person, but some of me closest people, my husband, and 2 of my 5 siblings say I’m not nice. I’m 48. This explains a lot, such as why I have felt tolerated,out of familial duty, rather than actual friendship. I have a lot to work on and now I am second guessing every friendship I have.

@marygrowe9831 Год назад

Beware of toxic relationships. I "lost" 95% of my family, due to challenges to integrity. Thankfully, I kept mine. Is it hard knowing they still exist? At first, YES. But as time passed, I realized....there never was much of a relationship...a healthy, reciprocating relationship.

@theauthenticchannel0 Год назад

Omg same, I’m 22 and now I feel as if I have no one… I’m sad inside..but I think I will be okay. I’m praying that God does the work in me so that I find someone/people who love me unconditionally

@estudiaresmipasion2412 Год назад

May God always bless you guys.. you are so worthy and I pray that you see how wonderful you are because you were created in the image of God who loves you so so much... 💕 have a nice day

@Humbledone. Год назад

I'm the same ,I thiught I was nice to but my reactions aren't. Turns out it's autism and adhd and om constantly frustrated and can't relax and feel joy. I get jealous too. I don't want to be like this,bad emotions or reactions just come out. I've lost a lot. It's hard to be in your heart when you have constant anxiety 💔 I hope you get the guidance you need ❤️

@malkaz9167 Год назад

@@theauthenticchannel0 You ARE worthy of all that is good in life. It’s good to pray, but you, also, need to find someone who can help you. Maybe, confide in a friend, a relative, a teacher, a doctor, clergy or, perhaps, a therapist. Good luck. I wish you all that you wish for yourself.

@Solscapes. Год назад

Dissonence is often a product of gaslighting. Invalidation has been shown to directly cause self-esteem issues, while personalized invalidation causes depression, at least according to science.

@doug1844 2 года назад

“There is no substitute for integrity when it comes to peace of mind.” You’d think that would be obvious and yet people choose to ignore that simple fact and suffer the consequences.

@suzannax 2 года назад

It's not easy to face yourself

@nancyaustin9516 2 года назад

There isn't much focus on integrity these days. Instead it's "How to be successful" or "Learn to be calmer in 7 easy steps."

@maryshannon3326 Год назад

Very well stated and explained. I love that you brought in having humility at the end, and referenced your faith. That is what gets me through the difficult times and to quit beating myself up too much. But I agree that being in integrity between our thoughts and actions is key for a more peaceful life. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.

@19zulueta 2 года назад

I usually watch your videos for training my english. I'm from Brazil, and I Think that you have a perfect and good accent for foreing students like me. Thank you very much for sharing your time and knowledge. You are helping us from a lot of ways.

@jacquelinecraycraft7495 2 года назад

Been seeing a counselor for over 20 years and you have helped me more than all of them combined. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge. You're helping me become a happier person.🙂

@SpecialAngelArtDolls 2 года назад

I don't even have words for everything I feel right now. Thank you, thank you, thank you for what you're doing, putting this out here to help people like me and so many others who want and need healing and help across a lot of areas but who maybe don't have local resources or can't pay for them if they exist. A video from your channel popped up in my recommendations today, probably because the internet is just way too smart and some algorithm somewhere knows I've been all over the web looking for help. Your personal message of faith at the end gave me great joy and great hope. You have a new subscriber. Thank you!

@Nandaksilva 2 года назад

You’re Amazing! I can feel how much compassion you have for people suffering with mental issues. Thanks! ❤️

@lm-il8gx Год назад

As someone with anorexia, let me say that was excellent clarification and this is a great video. Thank you.

@courtneyj9906 2 года назад

This is easily my main problem in life. Living opposite to my values is painful. I am constantly upset with myself because I want to do the right thing, but this thing that I know is not right is what I end up doing, especially since I am a Christian, so I'm living opposite of my spiritual values a lot of the time. Which has me questioning if I even value those things anymore. I think I may need to spend some time working through this topic through prayer journaling.

@noompsieOG Год назад

You just used labelling when you said “Christian” which is a sign of cognitive dissonance , all the best 🙏

@courtneyj9906 Год назад

@@noompsieOG huh?

@noompsieOG Год назад

@@courtneyj9906 so you haven’t watched the video ? You should watch it , then you will understand what I mean

@ramonaobreja6678 Год назад

As a person with an ED, in which I am trying to justify my actions to myself into a binge, it was mind-blowing as I paused it and asked myself why do I do this so much, why do I negotiate so much with myself that a large amount of food is necessary. Thank you so much!

@pmbluemoon 2 года назад

Wow, I just had another mind-blowing epiphany about myself, thank you so much for making these videos 👍

@Catalystresource Год назад

You are a gifted natural-born teacher! Every video is so detailed, thorough, clear and down to earth. Easy to understand for a complete beginning lay person or a helping professional.

@justinjohnson1686 2 года назад

Wow! I thought I loved you before, but after you paused in the middle of the video to make a point of not offending anybody or guilting them, made me love you even more! I personally don't have weight issues, but I thought that epitomized integrity. You're a beautiful soul, thank you for your videos.

@jonwebb6644 2 года назад

I appreciate that you incorporate spirituality into your practice.

@laylapressley1536 Год назад

I would love to see a focused live in regards to adults (35+)coping and dealing with adult loneliness especially as you continue doing your work as far as Self Help books and things of that nature so you understand your boundaries and how you can't force things but you still need tips in coping with the loneliness

@winonarampage Год назад

That is my wish as well! I’m friendly and outgoing but I’m chronically single (38) and can’t find ANYONE to hang out, platonic or otherwise :(

@keitha.neubert3063 Год назад

I appreciate the manner in which you teach. Casual, informative, and supportive. Thank you from Western Maine.

@ramanaarti 15 дней назад

You inspire, Emma ! Your videos have the capacity of turning over someone's life for the best version of themselves ! For me this is one of the best ways to make our planet a better place. May the force be with you always ! Love and best wishes ❤

@cmellowdee 2 года назад

The first three minutes summarizes the root of so much unhappiness people harbor. Thank you for being you and bravo!

@juj6263 2 года назад

Emma has helped me soooo much :) late last year i was very depressed and found her channel and felt such a calming feeling whenever i listened to her. Great advice and great channel

@amberroberts411 6 дней назад

Thank you so much for the work you do Emma. I’m finally healing from CPTSD, and it means everything to finally feel like I have autonomy with the skills that you’re teaching.

@Yosetime 2 года назад

That was one of my favorite videos I've watched on this channel, which has been a lifesaver for me, by the way!! I have suffered from a debilitating health condition for 16.5 years now. This physical disability has weaved it's way into my mental health and my sense of who I am, which is so much different than the way I was before the injury. But, in this last year, my specialists have found a way to give me temporary pain relief. It seemed like a miracle. Like I'd won the lottery! It was amazing to be pain free after so long of being desperate for even a few minutes of peace. The procedure will have to be repeated every year or so, which is always on my mind as it's terrible and requires a 6 week recovery period. But, while I have this temporary, although limited, relief, I feel like I have the ability to get back to doing things I used to. Yet, I don't. Or at least not all the time. It feels like one step forward and 2 steps back. I've been trying to label this lack of moving forward consistently when I know I can. But you just hit it right on the nose!! Now I have some clarity. Something to work with. Certainly I have changed throughout these long 16 years both by my circumstances and by the natural aging process (I'm 53 now, was 36 when the injury occured). I'm struggling to find a new normal. Who am I now? Since watching this video, I can now have a look at my new values. What I want from my life and what I expect from myself now, in these current circumstances. Once I've done this, I can use your advice to create actions to match my new values, or to refocus my thoughts to meet more realistic and genuine goals for how I want to live. Your advice has given me so much clarity and hope. I know what I have to do. And I understand it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! And thank you for making your video's free to watch on RU-vid. I wouldn't be able to afford to pay for it as I'm not yet able to work and still on disability. But, I now know that I can still be a good, genuine, and productive person if I can align my new values and goals with my actions and thoughts, rather than self-pity, procrastination, and constantly worrying about what will happen in the future (this thought process keeps me from doing ANYTHING). I am free!! There are no words to describe how thankful I am for you! I am not a religious person per say, but you are. So, God bless your beautiful spirit! I will continue to watch ALL of your videos and use them wisely and with much gratitude! Love, from Alberta, Canada!

@grandjette 2 года назад

This helps me to understand better how I need to examine my conscience. More than just a harmony between my values and how I behave, that honesty to myself brings me to see that someone bigger than I am (someone who loves me) wants me to be happy. It comes about by accepting reality and facing the challenges that comes with it with optimism.

@TheTrock121 2 года назад

Love your take on this. My personality is a series of polar opposites and I have struggled for decades to integrate my personality. The bible uses the term double minded as a type of cognitive dissonance in the Book of James: 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. 6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. 7 For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; 8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways. The bible is a priceless resource for foundational values. It is truly the Owner's Manual. I am only truly at peace when I can come boldly into God's presence.

@videoettaceo8900 2 года назад

This reminds me of a Joyce Meyer teaching 😊

@AMcDub0708 2 года назад

I have polar opposites in my personality too. For me, it’s not bipolar though (and you didn’t mention that either). Rather, I found out it’s perfectionism. I go at something like crazy until I can’t possibly sustain it anymore and then I collapse and couldn’t bare to ever look at or do that thing again bc the thought of exerting that much energy lifelong is depressing. The other extreme is also perfectionism, just not the way most assume it presents itself. I have these ideas or standards that are so high that I just don’t even start something.

@TheTrock121 2 года назад

@@AMcDub0708 If you act in love, then even if when you push yourself to the edge of physical and emotional collapse to complete a project you will be glad you did. If you throw your hat over a wall, you will figure out how to climb over the wall. I have started remodeling projects that I couldn't afford, didn't exactly know how to do, and didn't have all the tools for and God provided everything. If you have kids, show them they can do anything they set their minds too.

@user-qf6gw7uk6l Год назад

Amen!

@flyingumbreons Год назад

I woke up with anxiety every morning. I realize how much I say doesnt line up with what I do. I feel stress, guilt, sad, even self loathing.

@annvonbelow9934 Год назад

This was amazing and feels so relevant for me right now. Had never heard of cognitive dissonance or this comprehensive tool for how to try to manage and reduce it. It will take time but it makes so much sense. Your compassion and humility struck a different inspirational chord and ended the video perfectly. Thank you.

@meaghenstandlee6644 Год назад

Getting a physical job helped motivate me to lose weight and make money do good in the world 💜 I walk 15,000 steps a day went from 165 to 125 in 6 months and feel great 👍

@jimmymatt6228 Год назад

Twenty years ago literally myself I lost 40 lb in 6 months. I've kept it off and I so congratulate you for getting to that point too! (The first jog around the block I almost thought I wanted to die... I was skinny kid and then I was nineteen years old and basically gained those 40 lb in like a year-and-a-half smoking pot and just not exercising or whatever and realizing to my body was not at the high school metabolism anymore!)

@meaghenstandlee6644 Год назад

@@jimmymatt6228 So happy for you too ! And thanks! It wasn't easy BUT I finally had figured out the secrete motivation for me was money 💰 not health benefits 😂 we all need to celebrate our wins and yours is definitely a win too congrats!

@jimmymatt6228 Год назад

@@meaghenstandlee6644 you remind me of something I can putting off that started doing a half year ago. I need to start lifting weights are doing push-ups. You're doing all that work, it reminds me that could start doing a little weekly / daily work in other areas of my life. (It's not that I care of other people are in shape or not, it's just that at 49, I noticed a year ago I was regaining some strength I didn't know I lost and ways besides having some firmness and forearms, etc..). Anyways, your story is inspirational and it's a reminder of something on my to-do list I've been procrastinating on. Rock on, woman!

@wecleanitbysv Год назад

I have to say, your videos have been an enormous help to me. As I have been having to deal with a psychopath who is suing me and my family based on a story that was completely fabricated using made up evidence, it has been a mental roller coaster in having to cope and understand the evil behind the acts of this psychopath. My life has been on hold for 4.5 years now because of this individual, but I have been learning a lot from your videos how to manage my inability to understand such evil that exists in the world and having to manage my emotions and run away thoughts that never seem to get tired of running through my head. Thank you for the work you are doing by making these videos available to the public. You've touched the life of at least one person. Thank you!

@alyssalauren8088 Год назад

So sorry about your situation. I hope it gets cleared up as the nonsense it is.

@susankamar9660 2 дня назад

Just discovered this video waiting at therapist’s office . Forever grateful 💜Thank you Emma

@TheSharmanova 2 года назад

Thank you, especially for the final few minutes of you speaking so sincerely.

@melimelon8 Год назад

Thank you for this video. It is sometimes hard to fully take accountability for our actions. You explained the topic of cognative dissonance well, and I feel like I understand this so much better now and in a way that was straightforward yet compassionate.

@madhurikumari1697 2 года назад

I feel blessed to hv such a nice expertise of knowledge and compassion in an inexplored area. Thanks from d core of my heart

@donnieglenellyn 2 года назад

Theses videos are so helpful. I could view one multiple times and still pick up something new with each viewing. Thank you so much Emma. If only a fraction of the therapists out there had the knowledge and clarity Emma has

@amyjones7962 Год назад

I knew it was something just not which something. 2022 has been a year full of so much learning and so many positive changes in my life and the life of my family and home. Your videos are a true gift and blessing on our lives. I can’t thank you enough for all that I have learned and been able to finally heal this year! I’m a completely different and “gooder” 😉😊 human. My soul sees yours and it’s screaming THANK YOU you beautiful and amazingful woman. Blessings upon blessings I pray for your life and family. ♥️🙏🏻

@taniavarela1286 2 года назад

Thank you thank you! Your videos are gems, keep them coming!

@Je-Lia Год назад

I may have lost a friend. They, in the last decade or so, embraced their status of Mental Illness Sufferer. True enough, they do have trauma history and anxiety, legit. But they have embraced this status so staunchly that they cannot discern certain cognitive dissonances in their behavior. I said, "You're aiming for limited targeted capabilities -- not wellness." And I pointed out certain circumstances that illustrated a dissonance between their "I can't" belief and a certain area of their life where "I can't" DOES NOT exist. This is a dissonance that points to or strongly suggests that their "I can't" is... well, frankly, selective, and that there isn't nearly as much "I can't" as they'd like to believe. Believing strongly in their "I can't" in effect excuses them from truly pursuing wellness and ownership (responsibility) for the quality of their life. Instead, they harbor a lot of animosity towards Society in general, blaming society for the condition of their life, and that society doesn't provide for them, though they are on public assistance, have tens of thousands of dollars worth of electronic equipment, and a 60" television. They have constructed an entire infrastructure, an entire story-line engendering everyone's compassion, sympathy, and consensus, based on the foundational belief that they Cannot Be Well/Whole, that it's not achievable, that it is too risky to pursue. That is where they find a small amount of peace. I shrug. It's their right. Not what I would choose. And, evidently, it couldn't withstand my pointing these dissonances out... I'd rather hold their hand and lend my support to help them find the way to less dissonance and more true wellness, than continue to bolster the consensus that ignores this disconnect.

@pennymorgan2149 2 года назад

You are awesome, Emma! Thanks for always being so practical and down to earth.

@statsorama 2 года назад

I really enjoyed this, thank you so much for putting this on RU-vid! This is the stuff that changes the world for the better 🙏

@iloveserenitychurch 2 года назад

Thank you for this video!!!

@gavin4848 2 года назад

Saying that you shouldn't need to exercise to be healthy is a good example of cognitive dissonance. Healthy is objective, if you can exercise at all, it's helpful.

@lmhlmh9584 2 года назад

Years in therapy were awesome for me. I've not been in a several years & have wAnted to get back to it. What your work has done for me is remind me of what I've learned & lived better because of the changes I made. Your work has also pulled together all the years I was in therapy into that cohesiveness & clarity I once knew so well. I keep coming back for this reason especially. Thank you for sharing, encouraging, and maintaining your vast knowledge for us. At the most difficult times of depression, anxiety, and panic mode you're always here w/the older stuff you've posted & new ideas as well.💖

@plenarygrace Год назад

What an AMAZING Public Service!!! Your gifts will be returned to you a thousand-fold! ❤

@MagdaleneDivine 2 года назад

Thanks for being willing to share your knowledge on RU-vid for free.

@Jade-cj8iu Год назад

That made so much sense, thank you

@estelleroelofse6910 2 года назад

Bless you for adding the clarification! Your words of wisdom guide us in a troubled world. Blessings from a very troubled South Africa.

@philipgermani1616 Год назад

Your talks have been more helpful to me than any previous therapy sessions. Thank you.

@aurora-88 2 года назад

Thank you so much for these very valuable videos!

@suchaita1987 Год назад

Extremely eye-opening. When asked to write down the areas of my life where I experience cognitive dissonance I couldn't think of anything significant to begin with. But after some thought, I identified 8. Then thinking through the first two techniques helped me figure out where I should be working on aligning my thinking with my behaviour and the other way round. Looking forward to more reflections and insights. Thank you so much for your efforts!

@Nickel-and-dimes-budget Год назад

We’ll said. I believe exercise was a great example because i do value my health but i realize it was my mindset that was holding back my values. Thank you so much

@taffy1400 2 года назад

Your time has been well spent making and sharing these videos. They are very helpful and informative in a time when I need really need help, thank you!

@beckymartin1810 2 года назад

So helpful, God bless you!

@loisanderson6918 Год назад

I had to take a LOT of classes to become a Biblical counselor. Those classes gave me a lot of information, but they didn't give me much in regards to practical tips or helpful information to PASS ON to clients. You videos are absolutely filling in what those classes were lacking. I so appreciate you taking the time to make these practical videos, and I'm SO glad I found them. God BLESS you!!!!

@sarahisbell1918 Год назад

I’m really glad that as a counselor of any kind, you realize at least the more harmful cognitive dissonance in religious institutions.

@kallilagonsalves 2 года назад

Thank you so much for taking the time to share this information! Your explanation was extremely straightforward and thorough. God bless you!🙏🏽

@pandemoniumeris Год назад

Wow. I didn't realize this could help me with my issues with not doing what is expected by society. This is some I have been working on and didn't realize that my confidence and self-esteem was linked to cognitive dissonance. While I understood that it was okay to not be so put together as what was expected of me, this explanation gave better understanding to what was going on with myself and clarified choices I have and give me hope to improve and love myself more. Thank you.

@dineinpsychology 2 года назад

You do such a great job of explaining topics! That cognitive dissonance is so real and can really be a struggle to deal with.

@anon0926 2 года назад

Wish I could hire you to fix me 🙆🐢🐸

@tiggywinkle5933 2 года назад

@Therapy in a Nutshell HACKER ALERT HACKER ALERT HACKER ALERT HACKER ALERT HACKER ALERT HACKER ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@CM-sf9bc 2 года назад

I try so hard NOT to justify and oddly enough, going through the same things as "Jenny."

@kimmyjimmy1731 2 года назад

@@tiggywinkle5933 wut ur a hacker

@tiggywinkle5933 2 года назад

@@kimmyjimmy1731 There was someone posting using @Therapy in a Nutshell under peoples posts asking them to contact them on whatsapp for an exciting business opportunity. They made it look like they were Emma McAdam. I was trying to prevent people losing money but the hacker has removed all their identical posts from this thread. I will now go through and delete my warning posts. I must have scared them off. At a second look through the posts some still remain so I have left my comment underneath each one.

@jonathanmckay8149 2 года назад

So good....so helpful...cannot thank you enough for putting these concepts together in such bite sized pieces.

@maycowelding 2 года назад

Thank you 🙏🏻 ..you just explained why I am feeling the way I am..❤️🙏🏻

@alondralima9442 2 года назад

I needed this 💗

@rebeccacline1433 Год назад

The Lord is using you greatly. Praying blessings over you and your ministry. Thank you!

@zayinm31 Год назад

Thank you so much for saying that integrity is the basis of self-respect and sharing how it helps you to see yourself through the eyes of God, both the brutal honestly of how much we fall short and the grace. It's funny how I seem to need the very simple facts and ideas over and over again, and to be reassured that I'm not alone in certain convictions. I love your approach and attitude and I'll be absorbing all I can, so thank you for putting this all out there!

@kathrineshaw9901 7 месяцев назад

You are so gifted in explaining feelings and putting our choices and actions into words that we can easily understand. Thank you so much. Plus your voice is very soothing. Thank you for what you are doing to help others.

@mejiaguillermo4998 2 года назад

Emma you are a Blessing in my life, I am also Blessed to know we are of the same Faith in Christ. Thank you for helping people like me for free. Stay Blessed sista!

@niiii_niiii 2 года назад

I love you Emma, god bless you

@carpenterfamily6198 2 года назад

Yes, she’s great ! 🙂

@AlineOCosta-tp5th 2 года назад

I have no words to thank you for this course! I wish you all the best forever!

@alicerose8057 Год назад

Not every issue is super easy. Sometimes there is dissonance about something that isn’t necessarily the right path. It is very possible to be conflicted about an issue in your life. It’s also possible to know what you’re doing isn’t right and you’re not justifying it, you’re just feeling powerless over your thoughts and feelings about a thing. It might be impossible for you to be ok no matter what you choose. Life can be a double edged sword. You point out a lot of examples of very simple right or wrong. Not every issue is clearly right or wrong. There are so much more complexities to life.

@mandyschwartzberg3849 Год назад

Completely agree.

@terapiaymindfulnesskosher 2 года назад

My gosh... I was just teaching about this! I very much like your videos. Warm regards!

@robertkeable1627 2 года назад

Thank you.

@tiggywinkle5933 2 года назад

@Therapy in a Nutshell HACKER ALERT HACKER ALERT HACKER ALERT HACKER ALERT HACKER ALERT HACKER ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@cassandranc123 Год назад

One of the best in the series. Simple and powerful

@Tribunal1023 2 года назад

This is the best explanation I ever heard about not “shoulding on myself”

@jedd7858 Год назад

Yes the grace of God allows us to change, giving clarity for the next step forward! Your talk is good to think about. We really need to get rid of double standards within. Thanks for sharing!

@Forreminiscing Год назад

Amen

@drstrangelove307 Год назад

Amen!

@cad4409 2 года назад

Thank you for the Passion Project. Your work speaks to my soul. You have a great way of explaining topics that can be complicated. You apply them to real life. Your work is an amazing inspiration! Thank you for being a blessing💖

@martharevely6738 2 года назад

You are such a blessing to me Emma. Thank you.

@rachvivienne8327 2 года назад

This is so amazing! You are so amazing, smart and compassionate! Thank you so much for everything you share and do!! 💜🙏🥰

@carpenterfamily6198 2 года назад

0:38 There is no substitute for integrity when it comes to peace of mind.

@carpenterfamily6198 2 года назад

3:24 When we change our behaviors to line up with our values, the dissidence goes away.

@carpenterfamily6198 2 года назад

6:44 Never ignore that guilty feeling ~ take time for introspection.

@carpenterfamily6198 2 года назад

10:38 Signs or justification and rationalization. 12:25

@carpenterfamily6198 2 года назад

13:07 Best to resolve C.D. by clarifying it to your self. Take a good regularly.

@darnettable 2 года назад

Really good. How about me not cooking as much as I'd like, but my depression almost paralyzes me and starves me of motivation. It is very mental. Do you have a video on depression and lack of motivation?

@jleach3413 2 года назад

In my depression I had to learn I was lying to myself about who I was & had given my power away to align with someone else's narrative & I showed up keeping everyone else "comfortable" except myself. The person people judged was never me but rather their deflection so that set me free. Be well.

@Laf631 2 года назад

Yes, she has several videos on those topics.

@ThereIsTooMuchButter 2 года назад

It really sucks because you can get yourself into a cycle where you have no motivation to cook, eat crap and then feel worse mentally and physically because of it... If you can, try to find recipes and food that gets you excited to learn and make. For me, when I would get down days of not wanting to do anything, I would try and make something really low effort but relatively nutritional like soups... Literally just throw a load of veg in a saucepan with some stock or seasoning, and add black pepper! I never used to blend it bc that's too much effort lol. You can mix it up with whatever you have in the house e.g. beans, barley, pasta etc to bulk it out a bit, or have it with bread. I found when I couldn't handle thinking about cooking or the sheer effort, I would push myself to do this because it was delicious and easy, and I wouldn't be able to beat myself up about it or feel worse. It's like a go-to, and I still do the same thing now if I feel sick, because it's comforting and easy! Also I've never tried one, but if you can afford it/could get a discount you could maybe try one of those food subscription boxes (like hello fresh etc)? They might give you a boost to get you motivated because it's all prepared for you and would give you a sense of achievement afterwards? Either way, it's a crap feeling and I hope it gets better for you.

@veryberry39 2 года назад

Most important thing to remember: eating ANYTHING is better than nothing at all. Don't let yourself feel shame for eating lots of processed stuff. It's more important that you've gotten food in your body than whether it's "high quality." Hell, keep a loaf of bread (whole wheat, if it makes you feel better), maybe some cheese around. I'm so basic that I will literally just slap two pieces of cheese between two slices of bread and call it a day. Stock up on soups and things you can just microwave. If dishes daunt you, buy paper plates/bowls. Yes, of course there's always an environmental concern with that sort of thing, but you have to meet yourself where you are right now. Someone already gave the idea of doing low-effort cooking, but on that note (kinda), my friend will batch-cook on days when she feels good. So if you ever have a day here and there where you feel decent, look up slow cooker/instant pot recipes that can be made in bulk and then frozen. After that, on bad days it's as simple as taking out a portion and reheating. As far as the depression itself, I downloaded a gratefulness journal that also sends me affirmations via push notifications. You don't know how hard I rolled my eyes at first. "That's not true of me AT ALL," I'd grumble. But you know how negative talk eventually seeps in and makes you believe it? The opposite is 100% true. And trust me, I'm not "all better." I still struggle a lot. But this had a HUGE impact on me, so I've really been encouraging others to try it out for at least a month. ...I am sorry about this novel.

@lisbethbird8268 2 года назад

@@ThereIsTooMuchButter you forgot to say how good it smells. Making soup. It Will make you feel better even before you eat it. I have that feeling crappy/ eating crappy issue too.