Dav is Deconstructing (Girl Defined) 

48:53 Sorry, guys! The audio cuts out for a few seconds here. We said “how they’re dealing with this is very healthy”

Not the least bit surprised that Dav is deconstructing. After I heard his rather insightful review of the Barbie movie, I knew this man was sharpening his critical thinking skills. Critical thinking and blind religiousity cannot co-exist.

My wife was so scared until I told her, “I made my vows to you. Not to God.”

This is the first time I've ever had respect for Bethany. Her views are awful and she's said and done a lot of bad things. But her being willing to accept Dav makes me think she's also capable for learning and growing

4:13 Have to admit, this kind of openness from Dave & Bethany is incredibly refreshing. And it seems to demonstrate that they have fairly good relationship/communication skills. Given what I’ve seen from GD, that’s quite surprising.

I wanted to get this out as quickly as possible, but cuz I'm putting this out at an odd time it might not get picked up by the algorithm the same way, so I'd love if ya'll could watch all the way through (if possible), give it a like, and all the things! Thanks! xoxo

As someone who deconstructed and ended up on the atheist side of things almost a decade ago, I can say I am SO proud of Bethany. She is handling this with so much grace and understanding. Dav’s deconstruction seems to be on an eerily similar trajectory to my own, and I would give almost anything to have anyone in the community I grew up in treat me with the love and respect Bethany has for him. I am so excited to see what this means for the direction of Girl Defined

Love watching people deconstruct in real time, it really shows that wisdom comes from questioning.. not from just accepting everything you're told.

Bethany is being so kind .. she actually admires him Like, wow. I hope someone loves me that completely someday.

Good on Dav, I am glad that he’s finally felt comfortable enough to explore the doubts that he’s obviously had for years. And as much as I dislike Bethany, I commend her for being so supportive even though it must be hard and confusing for her. Did you hear that Bethany’s mother posted about breaking up with non-believing partners on her socials within minutes of their video going live. Could that woman be more manipulative and horrible.

Marriage is so difficult because people DO change over time and not every partner is equipped to adapt to the changes over the years. A good marriage is when both partners can meet each other on common ground and adapt and grow through the shifts and changes.

I cried the first time I watched the original video with Dav's story around 27:35 because of how much it resonated with my own experience. "I don't want to go through life always having to think I'm the worst in order to find the life in Christ". The emotional damage the whole "you are dirt but jesus loves you so that's okay" runs so deep in my life and it will be a long process of working through that. I wish Dav all the love and support as he navigates all this.

My pastor's son, Kyle, married someone who ended up deconstructing. Kyle and his wife at one time were our youth pastors/advisors. They got so much grief for talking about sex and other "adult things" that they were ostracized from the church. We were told that Kyle was so torn between his relationship with his wife and his relationship with his father/church, he unalived himself. It wasnt until I deconstructed myself how absolutely tragic that story is. Edit: Spelling errors

I literally have the same mindset as Dav. I left Islam recently and now everything that happens is on me. It's strange and can get heavy but I don't prefer the restrictive, horrible lifestyle Islam wanted me to live.

I must say, I am impressed by Bethany’s reaction. I am an atheist who has been with his wife (who is a Christian) for 17 years and we have 2 wonderful children and love each other more now than the day we met. I am hopeful they can make it work.

Not at all surprised considering how nuanced Dav was during the 24 hrs w/ P&M. He was not at all rigid, and rigidity is necessary in many evangelical circles. He had some pushback from Paul, if I remember right, saying "Don't be so open minded that your brain falls out."

Not me nearly crying because of how supportive and loving Bethany is being with Dav. "We are uniquely gifted to love each and work through a relationship like this." ❤ I love this side of Bethany I hope to see more of it. I dont care if she leaves the church i just want her to stop giving out harmful information to young girls.

What a brave couple. It can't be easy to peel that onion in public and not fear losing people close to them.

So good to see Bethany look like see is actually listening, normally she seems quite disinterested in what someone else is saying and just waiting for her turn to speak. She was looking at Dave and actively listening.

After praying 17 years everyday to not be gay kinda forced me into deconstruction. I just couldnt accept that a loving god would make me gay, despite trying to change it with every fiber of my being, no matter what I couldn't. Then I just felt like trash, like I wasn't strong enough. Drove to years of addiction. Finally I became agnostic and after years of therapy i am happy and sober and in a wonderful relationship. I wish them the best, regardless of whatever their path leads to. I just hope for them the bigtory they hold gets better.

I had some suspicions this might happen after he said he was seeing a secular therapist and bethy wasn’t. I didn’t think they’d be public about his deconstructing though. It’s commendable they’re being public and they’re not going with the “you can’t be in a relationship with a non fundamentalist” narrative that we so commonly see

My Grandfather was an outspoken atheist after deconstructing in his 30s, married until his death to my very active "church-elder" Grandmother. However, this never impacted their relationships, since they respected their different beliefs and bonded over common values. My grandfather died exactly one year ago, the funeral service was held in the local church and their dear fried who is a retired pastor held the cermon. He spoke lengthy about the discussions he had with my grandfather about god and religion and how my grandfather always found more peace and meaning in nature than in the bible. He acknowledged that though we can believe, we can never know the thruth and how being a good human is not defined by our beliefs but rather our kindness and actions. This is the kind of church I can continue to go to, since everyone is welcome, no matter where you stand with your personal journey, as long as we can agree on kindness and showing up for our community.

"I'm a crying man." 16:18 or so I usually don't expect right leaning christians to be willing to let men cry so it always warms my heart when I hear people I perceive as the people less likely to let themselves cry say that they're willing to let themselves cry. Crying is so incredibly important for mental health and I'm glad Dav is willing to let himself cry.

Listening to what Dav said, I think he could benefit a lot from Drew's videos. Drew has that very honest and compassionate ways of working through a lot of these thoughts. I found them to be such a source of knowledge when I was in the same place as Dav.

When Dave said he was in therapy, not "Christian counseling", is when I think the public started to see him change. Listening to this, I wonder if Bethany started attending sessions with him and maybe moved to see her own therapist. Like...this is not how I expected her to react AT ALL. For her to admit she's deconstructed some of her own ideas is actually kind of shocking since she and her sister constantly best the "don't think, just believe" drum when they were younger. This whole thing is kind of head spinning!

My wife cried quite a bit and was very afraid after I told her. THAT conversation was the absolute hardest one I’ve ever started…we had been married 15 years at that point and an enormous part of our relationship and the raising our 4 children was based on Christianity. It did eventually turn into great, heartfelt and loving conversations…and a newer, deeper bond. Side note…it was AWESOME to realize that my morality, love/faithfulness to my wife, heart for my children, work ethic, care for others was actually MINE and not tied to a god. I was fearful myself, what would happen to me and how I’d spiral if I let go of god. It really forced me to face myself in a way I never would have otherwise…and I loved what I learned.

Gosh I didn’t think Bethany would ever make me cry happy tears, but the way she talks to Dav is soo .. mature, articulate and loving. Call me a hopeless romantic, but I'm honestly rooting for those two to make it! Also, I'm with you Taylor, anyone calling Bethany the villain with regards to Dav is wrong. She still holds bigoted views that are harmful and wrong, but she clearly truly loves her husband.

I mean, he was pretty obviously deconstructing already, but I'm glad to see that he's getting more comfortable and figuring things out for himself! And I love how loving and supportive they are of each other in the video. I really hope that is representative of their reality and that they only grow in that love! (whatever Bethy thinks, we really do want the world for them both)

Telling my husband I had lost my faith was the most terrifying leap I ever took in my life. To do this publicly is so brave and I think will do so much good for others, them taking the journey in public.

So spoiled with all of these episodes! Thank you for the grind!

The way that Dav & Bethany are navigating his deconstructing together is actually inspiring. I deconstructed but was unable to leave the church because of how it would have affected my kids. When I told my partner how I was feeling, they said "Oh Thank Globs." I was laughing. We still haven't told their parents and siblings as they're Mennonite ministers and missionaries and it would be more difficult than having a homosexual child. I think Dav and Bethany are going to be interesting to watch over the next few years. I wish them all the best.

Two years ago I would NEVER have believed I would or could find a Bethany video encouraging, uplifting even, thank~you.

52:00 and I think this is where some people do at least need to extend some grace/compassion to Bethany because we know her entire world right now has been uprooted from everything she's ever known or been taught. It's actually okay to be afraid. To wonder how this will affect marriage, church, social life, affection and intimacy, even the one you love's soul. It's been THE hardest thing for me in mixed-faith relationships; my sweetheart is agnostic deconverted from Catholicism and is actually a huge fan of GMS. He was excited to know I found your channel first because he already knew Drew. So we've been able to have a lot of rational, theological, fun back-and-forth over topics both of you talk about. And, just like Drew was with you, in no way pushed or influenced me. I do the digging in my own time and we come together to discuss it. But I have been implicitly taught from birth about salvation. And what it means if you're not saved, even if you're 'backslidden'. So Bethany is being SUPER brave and supportive, but we know there's going to be a lot of hidden thoughts of anxiety/fear that she may not ever tell the public. But what I did find beautiful about the way she finished her recent Insta Q&A to what if he becomes an atheist, "I will love him in the most unconditional and pure way I know how" That speaks volumes.

the thing i love the most about this is the compassion. you don't see this very often on the internet

What a refreshing video! It actually made me cry. As a Christian who has gone through some deconstruction myself, I resonate with a lot of this. I like to describe my experience as “detangling Jesus” from all the things that are not actually from him. It’s still a process. This video shows two such sweet and vulnerable couples. Thank you for this!

Dav's story was so painfully relatable man. I always felt like something was wrong with me because I didn't seem to "click" with Christianity like everyone around me did. I always just felt like I wasn't trying hard enough or I wasn't a good enough Christian. It's still painful to work through since I'm still figuring things out (and I'm still terrified of Hell), but it's comforting to know I'm not alone I guess. Religion is complicated lol

I literally wrote that Dave might be secretly deconstructing in your last video. And now here you are with THIS VIDEO! I found the conversation with Bethany and Dave very emotional. I feel she has matured and I hope they can manage through the challenges that come with it. Antibot, I really love how you and GMS approach the people you cover - it's a breath of fresh air!

Deconstructing can be such a difficult process. I admire anyone willing to even just genuinely question their worldview

My biggest takeaway is wow Paul and Morgan are really disfunctional by comparison and could really learn from these two, Dav is really a good guy and they seem to really care about each and they don't shy away from deeper conversations while Paul and Morgan get childish and dismissive, especially Paul even dismissive towards Morgan,,, I honestly think everyone watching is being too generous to Paul and Morgan they seem to always come across as childish,,, I would say that Dav and Bethany are rationalizing in a lot of ways but I can also see how it makes their bond with other better by comparison.

I feel like this new chapter in the bethany-verse shows that she's been trying her whole life to figure out how to love the "right way". She's so all-in every time she takes a step toward real love (sometimes to an embarrassingly enthusiastic degree). It's so sweet to see her go from where she was to where she is now.

It sounds like Dave did what many evangelicals are taught to do: when in doubt, try harder. That’s not weakness, it’s following bad advice. He couldn’t know the advice was bad because he wasn’t allowed to question it. As Drew says, alienating yourself from your family and friends is not easy, no matter the reason.

I'm so happy to see Bethany and Dav happy and growing in their marriage. It's really heart-warming to see them support each other in their differences. They genuinely seem like they really love and value each other as people and as their spouse. I truly wish them continued happiness.

For the first time, I actually admired Bethany and Dav and how they communicated. Their other video made me strongly feel like they went to an actual licensed therapist.

I've been depressed recently, and this was very heartwarming to watch.

Not Dave's deconstruction happening the same week as mine

I've commented this on other channels, but I'm so appreciative that we got to see this. It's rare that people share their feelings while they're in the thick of it, since they're usually still ashamed or afraid of being ostracized. It's deeply relatable when Dav says he still tried to go through the motions "because that's what faith is." I remember doing communion, and praying "Please help me believe in you. Please." I so desperately wanted to just be a normal Christian and not be demonized by my loved ones. I acknowledged I was atheist about a year after that, although (10 years later) I haven't told any family members except my mom (who thankfully still treats me the same).

My A-dar keeps tingling whenever Dav talks. You can just sense he's one of us. Can't wait for the "Deconstructing with Dav & Drew" podcast.

The two of you are becoming some of my fav youtubers!! Such a safe kind place to land amongst the craziness of youtube. And I've been following this Girl Defined arc so I am SO hyped for this video. Thank you for your work!!

I can’t imagine how hearing this guy (Dav) makes people who are or were christians feel. I grew up an atheist deconstruction is just a normal part of living in my family/social context (I grew up in a very secular country) and It makes me really emotional to hear him. He is open up his heart right in front of us

The kindness in this video is SO GREAT. Both Bethany accepting Dave though she disagrees and you two sharing your similar journeys. I thought it was lovely that you took Dave's string metaphor and expanded on it with your own stories and took that metaphor further (aka sitting with all the unraveled yarn and slowly working through it). I think it's great that this kind of thing can happen online too when often all we see is horrible discourse.

honestly its so refreashing to see both of them in this light, we all had the feeling Dav was deconstructing/questioning for awhile but its great to see Bethany be so human. Like yes both of them have done/said a lot of shitty stuff but this makes her feel so human and I love how she still loves and supports Dav. I was really worried it would have been very different, its beautiful that their love is above religion and its the most healthy 'christian' relationship I've ever seen

This feels like the only time, and to a degree in Paul and Morgan’s video, we’ve seen the real Bethany. It actually feels authentic. Now, it might not be, it might be my bias seeing that, but if it’s not it’s great to see. Until I see her stopping the harmful advice I’ll still dislike her, but I’m interested to see where this leads them both. I hope to a better, more healthy and safer (for her viewers) place.

Bethy has changed so much since their Barbie video last summer! She's so much more attentive, and omg shes so sweet. It's wild seeing her like this. They're so cute together ngl

The way drew spoke about your relationship around 1:01:00 had me crying in my cubicle. What a wonderful beautiful thing. Life can be just absolutely gorgeous sometimes, the power of people and our ability to love is incredible.

My story wasn’t very different from Dave’s, some 50 years ago. I think he’ll be out the door in a little while. She’ll come tumbling after. Look at her body language. Girl will be Redefined.

I am loving how they’re both being so open about this struggle. Having had to do this myself, it’s SCARY. I can’t imagine having done this inside a relationship. Seeing Bethany look at Dave when he’s explaining that crisis, it does make me feel a great bit of empathy because she looks like she’s holding back emotions. It’s must be super scary to hear a partner talk like that when you grew up how she did. I remember being terrified about how my parents and teachers would react when I started questioning things I was learning in my evangelical high school (and started to realize I was feminist while reading that garbage Marriage and the Family book). I hope they both maintain this deconstruction energy and come to a happy agreement about where they are. The parts that they’ve been showing recently really do seem to paint that they’re making each other better people.

I’m a couples therapist and this feels eerily similar to that one session when a couple breaks though and learns to communicate on a deeply emotional level. It’s a beautiful thing to watch.

Their loyalty to each other is commendable. There are points I would have left myself if possible.

People that grow up in a restrictive culture often aren't given the space to think about their beliefs until after they are married.

That comment about unraveling so much you ended up just surrounded by thread was very poetic! Nice 👏

I started crying at about 50 minutes when Bethany said what she said to Dav and you two remembered about your dealings. I left the church and lost a spouse. Instead of being understanding, he pushed me to be more involved, when I pushed back he turned our entire church community against me as we went through a separation and divorce. NO ONE reached out to me (these were deep friends) and that killed me the most. There is a happy ending, I have met and been married to my love for 4 years now and he is the most forgiving, loving and caring person ever. If Bethany and Dav see this, I am rooting for you and I have mad respect for what you are working towards. xoxo

My husband and I have the same relationship. He's still in the faith. And it took us a year or two to settle into the "change" to our relationship. I'm very thankful that we did not split. I love him. He's my partner in life. He's the father of my children.

Yalls love is so real and pure. Its so obvious you were meant to be together. Thank you for demonstrating what unconditional love looks like, it’s beautiful!

Another awesome reaction! I'd love to see a vid with you guys chatting with Dave and Beth. That would be very interesting!

I was waiting for this! So glad you were able to get it up so quickly. 😊

I liked being a Christian, too, but my search for truth demanded that I step away.

What a beautiful video. To finally be able to Bethany as a real person and not someone with an "agenda" per se is great. I have no doubt they will make it. Dav is being genuine and really pretty brave and so is Bethany. Thank you for this video! Outstanding!

He shared a lot of thoughts that I had before and after my deconstruction and I've never felt so heard before so I appreciate his honesty. I also appreciate Bethany letting him share his views without judgement or cutting him off or invalidating him. It was refreshing to see and I can tell that therapy has done them both well, which makes me happy that they've been appling what they've probably been told in therapy to real life practice. My mother is kinda an Evangelical and has similar views as Girl Defined and would've NEVER let me share my thoughts like how Bethany did with Dav. I can't even tell my mother that I'm a Deist now without her never talking to me again... I can't afford her cutting me off right now because I still live with her. When I move out, then I can.

Dav's existence creates a big problem for people who hold to evangelicalism as an ideology. He SHOULD be a bad person - otherwise he would remain evangelical. The fact that Bethany is holding both realities inside herself - i.e., Dav being good and evangelical Christianity being true - shows that she must have already begun to change in a deep way. She sees right in front of her eyes that Dav is truly good, even if he disagrees with her. That's bound to have huge repercussions for her life and her faith. It will also be interesting to see how other Christians, such as Paul & Morgan, try to square the circle on this issue.

Honestly so happy to see that their relationship is in a really strong place. For awhile there Dav was looking so exhausted and broken, now he looks so much happier knowing he’s able to be open about where he’s at and has her support

There is a pipeline from the most devout Christian to atheist I swear 😅

Nothing but wholesome vibes, soothes the soul to see such loving couples working things out

This is my favorite video you've ever done. As a person who is deconstructing myself, I appreciate how genuine your approach is. I too feel for Dave and Bethany, and I appreciate their honesty.

Well colour me surprised! They were genuinely compassionate and kind and disagreed in healthier ways than I see in the majority of relationships.

A wonderful quote from the show, "Lessons in Chemistry" (fantastic show, btw!) "Because people who don't ask questions have blind faith, and blind faith is the furthest thing from faith" 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻💗💗💗💗

I have to say Bethany has grown a lot thinking back on her like 5years ago. I know she’s caused some damage but I have a soft spot for them.. well compared to Paul at least aha

Growing up athiest I haven't ever really understood when you two speak about leaving Christianity together because I've just never had to contend with anything like that, but seeing Bethany and Dav as a sort of "before" to your "after" is giving valuable context. Honestly, I find the entire thing to be kind of romantic? Hear me out! These people love each other so much they're willing to risk everything to stay together. They're willing to compromise in ways many people never even have to consider. Also, there's a bit of a princess-rescue vibe, which appeals to the subconscious at least. He's tangling with these troubling thoughts and feelings and the end result very well could be him saving her from a scary cult. It's inspiring and sweet and dramatic and... honestly, I don't know why it isn't the plot of a movie yet. Maybe one day we can all hang out at the Satanist convention together ❤️

I think most couples will eventually have to face a moment when they are so afraid to say their truth because "what if it all goes away." I just want to say, that fear is understandable, but you are stronger than your fear. Even "if it all goes away" you are strong and will get back up.

I was so surprised and moved by Bethany here. It made me tear up a little bit. I'm surprised to say I'm just thrilled. After Dav's comments on their Barbie movie review, I wondered if this was coming. Thank you both for sharing your beautiful story as well!

This was very romantic, guys! ❤ Awesome relationship testimonials.

He is so honest, this guy! He made me tear up remembering my own journey out of religion..he is struggling with doubts, and is visible and she is so sweet! What the hell?1 They are good to each other!

Also i kept hearing "the system is down" from homestar runner when yall kept saying "the system"

As far as Bethany changing her opinion about dumping someone who isn't a Christian...no. She answered questions on her IG and said if her and Dav were dating or engaged, she would break up with him and encourage others to do the same.... so yeah don't love that. I'll be interested to see if he continues to deconstruct and it starts t really become real for Bethany if her attitude stays the same.

in the middle of watching the video from Rachel Oates when i saw this! but i gotta watch this first before jumping back ❤

Wow! Got notified right after the upload. It doesn't even have the HD up yet! Exciting to see it right off the presses!

This video is so sweet. I love to see that during important transitions in life there are couples that stay together and support each other thru it instead of leaving

I also think Bethany will find that people would like her so much more being honest, and being real, and seeing this side of her, makes me like her a lot more.

So appreciative of you two being so thoughtful to each other, it really seems like you're made for each other and it reminds me of my partner. Same goes for Bethany and Dav, I can never be mad at a couple showing genuine love, empathy, and honesty. It makes me hopeful that our generation really will be the kindest and most accepting even as bigotry looms as large as ever.

So heart-warming to hear about you both talking about how special your relationship is and it not being because of fate or god or anything but just how amazing the whole thing is without divine intervention. It's how I feel about my relationship, I can't believe two people could be so in sync and so in love and I forever find it amazing we found each other. It's also so sweet to see Dav and Bethanie's relationship in that sense even if they believe it was divine intervention. So glad to see Dav's positive influence on her and how much her mind has been opened.

Girl Defined Redemption Arc let's gooooooo!!!!

If this prompts more fundie influencers to *think* &/or consider critics as fellow humans, YAY! Least shitty thing this year. EDIT: I _so_ feel your anxiety journey, def influenced by a fundie upbringing here too. Similar journey from believing to not, with my husband & I at different rates. Thanks so much for speaking about all these things. May you/we always keep growing as people ❤

I like your approach so much. I totally get why people are frustrated by the harmful views these fundie content creators are spreading, but I also think it is very productive to just address their actual points and thereby also give them the benefit of the doubt to be self-reflective and maybe change some of their ideas.

Myyy God the way Bethany handled that warmed my heart to the coreee. What a beautiful soul. I have so much more respect for her now... wow...

I’m shocked and very pleased with Bethany’s response to Dav deconstructing. She is showing growth and maturity. I wish Dav the very best. Deconstructing is scary and hard.

This moment really humanized Bethany for me.

I hope you reach out to them about a collab. I have loved seeing the transformation in Bethany and I am so happy for both of them. Would love to see you guys sit down and talk with them.

I'm pleasantly surprised at Bethany's behaviour here. After some of the things she'd said in the past, I fully expected her to be more combative in this, or to have more despair. But that she's moving forward with their relationship and holding space for his journey is really sweet, and the way they each supported the other was very nice to see. I hope they keep going down this path.

I deeply respect the way you guys review christians. I left christianity almost 2 years ago and have struggled with just hating the belief. But, watching your videos has reminded me to empathize with christians and this video of them also reminds me to do so. Thank you guys!!

Wow, their communication and openness is really inspiring! It feels like the first time I feel them both being really authentic and it's clear that they've really really grown. I'm really happy for them, especially considering how difficult it is has been for Dav.

It is surprising, but so special, when you can find acceptance within your family/friends who are Christian. Years ago, I was dating a transgender woman, and I had real misgivings about meeting her mother who was a devout born-again Christian. I could only imagine what this woman would think of an atheist who was dating, from her perspective, her son. My girlfriend dressed and acted in her former masculine manner while we visited her. To everyone's surprise, we got along fine, and even had some good natured faith/philosophical discussions. So, regardless of her faith, she loved her 'son', and welcomed someone who was good to him/her. P.S. I am deliberately confusing the pronouns to convey the cross-perspectives, and it is not a reflection of my view of transgender individuals.