@@ricardomota939 it talks about how betrayal is something hurtful and ususally one would expect a hurtful thing to come from their enemies but this type of hurt comes from the people closest to you.
dealing with it rn, 3 good friends of mine revealed secrets of me in a friends group. It hurts but i will get over it, i already know that they will envy me in a few years but its still an awful feeling, and one thats hard to forget
@@tcml6456 Take it as a life lesson and better yourself by sharpening your intuition/discernment of people with prayer and silence. Introverted people are the chameleons of society and also the safest because we blend in with just about any environment by being nearly invisible due to our silent, quiet and overall reserved nature. That’s how you should be in today’s world, don’t trust anyone with anything and you’ll be just fine.
Am here because I cant seem to get over a person that betrayed me. I want her out of my life but we work together and she has brushed it off I don't know how to tell her off but she intoxicated me to all my friends I mean alllll my friends I had to get new friends. But they are getting struck by Karma in front of my face and they want to reach out to me. I cant offer an act of kindness to any of them.
Faith Delina Hi there, can I recommend typing Narcissistic Personality Disorder in to the RU-vid search bar? Add the words covert malignant, triangulation and “flying monkeys”. You’ll understand what all of it means when you see the material out there on these topics. It’s very useful to know about and will help you read people and interactions with them and help you to avoid being exploited and abused by them again in future. Best of luck!
@@faithdelina1237 my family is the worst... My sisters tell bad things about me and my mum and dad hates me Now I have a stepdad which is the worst he is better than my dad but ya.. Now i just got betrayed by my sisters and no one cares about me..... 😢 When your die...that’s when people start to notice you! I don’t wanna live anymore...but I’m to scared to die right now I’m typing this in tears 😭 I hope you see this and Can tell me advice on what to do! (I’m very young btw)
"I dont want perfection, I want consistent effort; and to be quite frank I've seen neither. You haven't the need to be sorry, rather be ashamed for wasting my time and assuming that I dont respect myself enough to not deal with it. You and I are done, goodbye."
Or "i said im sorry idk what else you want from me" I wanted loyalty and i didn't get it. Now you're coming back when it's convient and you're bored and want someone to hang with. Nahhhhh where tf were you wen i needed help or someone to be there for me? Btw i really dont fully agree with his "internalize it". nah.
I was betrayed by a coworker I thought of as a friend and had hung out with dozens of times. I just withdrew socially, stopped talking to them etc because I feel if I tried to talk to them this is right along the lines of what they would say. I was able to get out in front of it by texting two other coworkers because he was trying to frame it as retaliation for me wronging him. What really happened was I asked him to stop some passive aggressive behavior and that set him off.
@Roy Savage wrong why would it be reversed when they are cut out they are out don't care what happens to them ,and if they want to kill you for cutting them out then kill them self defense
I must cut my parents out, and they are already deceased. They decieved me and broke a promise and i just found out. Im going tomorrow to purchase a new grave for myself so i wont end up with my "family".
It's always the "perceived" friends... The guard is very low against them as one can't even perceive let alone comprehend the fact that a betrayal has been committed...
“I’m sorry you felt that way” has to be the most accurate thing I’ve ever heard. When people like my mom or some one close say that, they’re basically saying “you took it that way, not my problem” making it seem like it wasn’t that serious when it was. Makes you feel guilty for holding on to feelings about someone else who claimed to move forward with life. Best gaslighting tool for manipulative people.
My mother-in-law JUST used this on my husband. She said “I’m sorry that hurt you” my husband said “that’s like saying I’m sorry that bullet hurt you, not I’m sorry i shot you”. I thought it was perfect.
@@lizakabe8116 Lol. It has to be to best choice of words to win the argument, or to get a point across in ways I can’t argue back. Instead of just owning up to our mistakes. I know I’m not perfect, nobody is but admitting it and accepting my flaws, mistakes and wrong doings helps learn and move forward without any issue.
Those who betray me I remove from my life - a true friend wouldn't do this and I only want true friends in my life. I'd rather have one true friend than 20 people who pretend to be friends but aren't.
I just discovered how my parents decieved me and broke a promise. I need to figure out how to separate from them and they are deceased. Im going to go buy a new grave away from them. Idk what else to do.
I'm fairly certain that when someone betrays you, they have considered the possible repercussions and decided you can't do jack about it. That shows contempt & it's difficult to keep chill around someone who obviously thinks you're a piece of shit. I find it difficult to act normally towards them, anyway.
@Boomer Yeah that's about as fickle as fickle gets. Sounds like borderline personality disorder to me. "Splitting." Jocko's advice on this topic is deceptively terrible, as well. "Internalize it" is self destructive narcissistic advice.
@@ChavenneBonifacio agreed same applies to mine its fucked up but you got to rise above it and recognize the difference between the snakes and the real
There are some rough "dads". At the very least you've won the lottery you know; You've got to experience what this life can be (which for the most part it's what YOU make of it)
I’ve been betrayed by people I truly trusted 3 times. By people who I actually considered close friends. The betrayals weren’t anything that really fucked me over or caused me any damage. Just acts of disloyalty. On all three counts, I’ve given second chances. No more than one more chance. I noted the slight disloyal actions and gave them another chance. Second time around, broke contact, blocked, completely cut out from my life. I’m very private and I don’t really let people around my business to much. I’m just the most effective and productive when I’m in my own world. So especially if I sense disloyalty, you’re not seeing anything I do. You’ll just be treated as a total stranger.
Three times here as well. One was my own brother, the two others were close friends. The first two I cut off, the last one I marked, but I can tell he is not rooting for me, and that he becomes spiteful when I am doing well. It hurts having someone so close to you rooting for your misfortunes. Now I do not trust anyone.
That just happened to me. I like that approach that was stated. I will internalize and rock on. Bro vs Brother very profound statement. Keeping it professional
It's alot harder to move on when this person is your closest and at many points your only friend for longer than a decade. It will never be the same and this fracture was all caused by their own self righteousness and the delusion that they are some sort of saint who can examine my character and try to judge for things they assume. I wish they had spit in my face because at least I could wipe that away. This feeling is here to stay.
I got screwed over so many times by my cousin who's some fatass hanging out with two boyfriends of his... I asked him why does he take so long to reply to my txt messages he said : "cause Im not always on my phone." I thought oh ok! F you too I'll be away from you entirely goodbye and blocked him what an asshole
Jocko, This really helped me. I’ve just experienced betrayal in a friendship. When you said, “noted”, that resonated with me so much. I won’t forget what this friend did and now I erase you. But like you said, I will not show it to you EXTERNALLY. Preach! Thank you!!! You helped me!
I learned a lesson during this video. I had noted that Jocko has cut off Echo in previous podcasts, very likely unaware and without intent, but it's always bothered me a bit. So this time around after Jocko cut off Echo, i left the comment noting how Jocko sometimes cuts off Echo while he's half way through a thought. Not even a couple minutes later, Jocko finishes his thought and apologizes for cutting off Echo and I deleted that comment REALLY quick! Always watch the full clip haha
Betrayal is very serious. Lord knows the mental struggle that took place. I wanted to.... lessoned learned. Especially after being as good as I was to... I agree with repercussions.
Same but look at it this way: karma is fucking real, and stop telling him shit about u or ur secrets etc, stop helping the motherfvcker, and always think twice before you trust ANYONE. And... the world is ur oyster. Focus on urself, this ‘brother’ is 1) a stepping stone (thank ur lucky stars it happened now and not later 2) now u know his true colors. You won’t waste more resources on the piece of sh1t 3) we r gonna advance in life, and karma is gonna get this b1tch.
@@kieransimpson4965 I think she means that those traits are usually found in a good person and that good people pay the prices because those traits make a person vulnerable to be betrayed.
@@KatinaLifeCoach4444 Because no one cares more about you, than you. Because they don't share your DNA. And a person's DNA is more concerned about their own survival than it is for yours.
Life's not what you thought it was. This is reality. Trust no one. That's rule one of the real world. This is what we all need to accept. It's not harsh or a bad way of coping. It is not a good strategy and it is the best solution we have.
Recently an ex has tainted my relationship with all of the people I considered my friends. Talked with these guys for years, had some great times. Now recently I removed them all because they stopped talking to me. Everybody else was together, but me. They knew I was there and available, and they didn’t invite me. It’s a harmful feeling but people are replaceable. Replace the bad ones and cement the good ones.
I went through the exact same thing. I made a new group of friends with people I was going to live with during my junior year of college. These people were supposed to be my housemates but I ended living separately. Things were fine and I would hang out with them. Then my ex planned a trip for a weekend with that group of people and I was told I couldn’t come. Shit hurt but I had to cut them all out. To add fuel to the fire She ended dating one of the guys in that group. The funny part is when one of the guys sees me he keeps telling me how much he wants hang out but never hits me up.😂 in my head I’m like “bro you don’t have to force this, we all know why I stopped hanging out with y’all”
Betrayal is a very complicated emotional situation. But what it boils down to, is either the person meant to do it to you, or doesn’t care one way or the other. Either way is very bad. Plus, don’t expect closure. The betrayer expects you to carry on just as if nothing has happened, or worse, you get the blame. And none of it will be properly discussed. Any apology entirely fake, not meant. Agree, best to cut loose and move on. If you can’t, you’ll definitely be looking at the person in a very different way. Trust and friendship gone. You learn to tolerate the person and cope with any resentment alone. Horrible situation.
Just take a mental checklist of what has happened. Pull yourself away from them. Give people a cold shoulder everyone knows what they do. Keep distance and put energy into success. Some will never even hold themselves accountable.
This is phenomenal. Im a professional? What a great thing to tell yourself. Its all about emotional control, because thats what affects your external. Thank you so much for the video Jocko, you killed it!
There is always someone who is going to shit on you. Cut them off at the knees and don't seek revenge. Move on with your life and work on yourself and your own happiness.
This with my parents. We are on okay terms now but trying to move on psychologically and let go so I can focus on my future has been my focus for most of this year, especially with them never taking ownership for the abuse/psychological torture they inflicted upon me. My friends are my real family. Stay hard
Felix Thecat Charles is most likely on steroids of some kind. Jocko might be as well, but at least his size is achievable without them, so less likely.
I did lose trust with quite a lot of people surprisingly over a short time. Found they say they're your friends but what they really want is to take advantage of what's around you that you built, and kinda leech off of you. Then when you stumble, oh boy will they ditch you quick. I like to consider it one of many forms of "psychic vampirism".
You can understand a frake friend however, a brother is like what Cain did to Able a soul murder ! I would forgive move forward and not allow that person back in my life its full on envy and hate and they aren't going to change ,they will say sorry perhaps even shed a tear, yet you know they would do it again..
Forgiveness becomes it's own occupational hazard. Hey, it's a big world. I don't take up much of it... SO there's no reason I should ever have to cross paths with any particular individual again so long as either of us (wants to) survives. ;o)
Forgive yourself for the wasted energy before you can forgive anybody else. Our positive energy is the highest price of our souls and spirit. Don’t keep giving in to anger, forgive, let it go, keep distance from that issue and focus on yourself.
I feel like I needed this. I can't keep living thinking the people who betrayed me are going to come around on their own, but I'm not using my mind right. I need to put my focus forward. Thank you Jocko. I know consider those negative thoughts dropped and those people noted.
Did something minimal and apologised wholly. Closest friends decided they wanted to never see me again. Why? Called them bad at a game. Petty in and of itself. Classic "punishment doesn't fit the crime" scenario. But they "forgive" me and, genuinely, everything you said in the video, that's what I felt, word for word. Thank you for this.
going through it as we speak. after having already been betrayed in another relationship w a girl i was ready to move halfway across the country for, i fell in love w someone where i work ab a year later. early on she made me feel so safe and comfortable--i confided everything in her and told her how much trauma my last relationship caused me and how I prob wasn't ready to get into anything too serious. she was understanding but at the same time told me that she's used to being used and betrayed by guys so she wanted to make sure I wasn't gonna do that to her too. I'd been talking to other people before I met her and she gave me an ultimatum: cut them off so we could just focus on each other, or I could keep my options open but she would have to take a step back. even though it felt a bit rushed, I decided to take a chance on her. I told her she was special to me and would cut off other girls so we could be exclusive. then about a week later, she told me she realized how fast things were moving and that it was scaring her, and that she didn't expect me to stick around. so then she told me she wanted to just be friendly w each other and not even hook up, which really hurt and confused me, but I was understanding. she still contacted me every day after this, and eventually we went to a party together where we all got drunk and on the way back at the train station, she made a move on me. we started hooking up again after this until one day she invited me to see her perform (she's an aspiring theater/broadway singer/actress) at a show where the tickets were $20 and u had to buy at least 2 drinks. i didnt have much money on my account at the time but i wanted to be there for her so i bought a ticket, went to the show and spent the rest of it while i was there. obviously i expected her to be excited to see me, but after the show she strangely acted kinda cold towards me. she barely thanked me for coming and basically bailed on me to go to some bar by herself. when i asked her if she wanted me to come w her she pretty much just said "id rather go alone". i felt so hurt and unappreciated and felt like i had to say something. the next time i saw her at work i confronted her ab it and she immediately got defensive saying "i dont think i did anything wrong i wasn't in a good mood that night. i said i was happy u came, did u need more than that??" she also told me she expected her cousins to come but they didn't. I told her she never communicated any of this and thats what upset me--i didn't feel like she was obligated to hang out w me or anything. she initially snapped at me and said "i don't have time for this! this is why i backed out!!!" but then later apologized and said she shouldnt have snapped and wasnt mad at me but just rly stressed out (she had an audition that night, she had to run to it right after our argument). I was more than forgiving--i told her that her reaching out to me and apologizing like that is all i ever need and needed. she apologized for not being as mindful as she should be ab how i feel. i felt like it just brought us closer. but it was after this exchange that she suddenly started cutting me off. she stopped contacting me altogether and barely acknowledged me whenever i was around her, while being friendly with everyone else. this went on for about 2 months, and I'd tried multiple times to address it w her but she would always either dodge or gaslight me about it. this drove me fucking crazy. i kept holding out hope that we would reconnect; she would do manipulative things here n there like tell me she feels like she hasnt seen me in forever and make plans to call me but then flake out. until eventually i found out that about a few weeks after she stopped talking to me, she started fucking around w multiple other guys, one of them being a friend and co-worker of mine. this absolutely destroyed me. it all started making sense why she'd been avoiding talking to me and could barely face me whenever i was around her. i confronted her about it through text (she wouldn't answer a call) and we got into a vicious argument. she was so cruel and showed a side of her that id never known before, telling me shit like "what does that have to do w you we werent a thing", "i dont owe you anything i didnt then and dont now", "i havent done anything to u i havent thought about u in months ive completely moved on", "its not my problem u wanna turn me into the villian". id never thought she could be so disgustingly insensitive and self-absorbed. i'm still getting over her betrayal and on top of that the betrayal of my friend who knew all about our history and fucked her anyway and lied to my face about it when i confronted him. the worst part is that i still work with both of them and have to continue seeing them every week. i'm still processing it all but I just know I always put way too much faith into the wrong people and I'm sick of getting walked all over like im some doormat or fucking toy they can play w and dispose of when im no longer useful to them or their fragile ego. im sick of my heart getting stomped on. i doubt anyone will read this--it's an absurdly long essay of a comment but it feels good to just get it all out there however i can. i have to know i deserve better but it's hard not to blame myself sometimes bc its happened too many times now. either way i know i'll find a way. thank you to anyone who cared enough to even read through half of this. my heart goes out to anyone else whose had to endure anything similar
My best friends name was Alex. Alex died suddenly from a heart attack September 22 2019. I had two other close friends of the last 20 years, the first one slept with my gf (who I had JUST had a child with) less than a year after Alex had passed away, and the other took his side and just blatantly dumped me out of his life. I lost my best friend, my girlfriend, my other two closest friends in the World, all in a year, after twenty solid years of friendship and love. Evil is Real. I am sorry for your situation. But I am here to tell you, it could definitely be much worse. I now have nobody, no friends, nothing. I walk around like an invisible ghost that nobody remembers, like I never existed at all. That's my life now. I reach out to you in kindness, where none was shown to me. Sometimes you can beg for mercy, and the rain will just continue to pour on you.
I’m listening to this, getting ready to call my boss, who has wronged me and all of the employees. Trying to keep my cool and be very clear. But I’m so stressed that I just want to yell at this person, so this video is helping me stay focused and calm. Definitely going to take the knowledge from this video. Thank you guys.
I've been betrayed by my main friend in this city really badly. Off the scale. Me... I offered an olive branch. Completely ignored. Blocked on social media. Wants nothing to do with me and yet I'm the injured party. It feels like I'm mourning someone who has chosen to play dead. I miss the friend I thought I had. I want this new guy to go away and my old friend to come back.
@@nathandrake711 it was a year ago. Things got worse. Before getting tolerable. The events still sting. The things I took pleasure from trigger memories so I don't enjoy them anymore. But I force myself to do them regardless. None of this needed to happen and could have been repaired quite quickly.
@@Concreteowl been through something similar recently, had a friend group thought they were Bros i got into some fight with 1 guy and saw how no one had my back not even my so called best friend. I had 2 options act like I don't care and still joke around with them at least this way I have some friends. The 2nd option was cut them off. Even though the 1st option was attractive because it was safe I decided to cut them off entirely done if I can't trust you i don't need you in my life. And this has been so liberating i don't care how many friends I got if I can't trust them rather have no friends than a 1000 fake friends. Don't fucking give out your trust as if it's charity. I'm not saying sit at home alone all the time, hang out with people but limit their access to your life and your stuff unless you can absolutely trust them. And if you get it wrong it's fine cut them out you still got time. What i learnt was have no fucking regrets learn from your mistakes and correct them and move on. They're not thinking about you and you shouldn't either. Don't think about what could have been, accept what is and move ahead.
Thanks for the advice. Negative criticism heard about me received behind my back. Already decided use their negativity to drive me farther. Awesome. Love advice notice if they are arrogant...noted. Thanks. I needed this.
Oh man, this is so timely. I know someone who needed this so I shared it with her. We'll see if it works for women, too. And then I remembered that I needed it just as much as my friend lol. So thank you, Jocko.
My blood brother betrayed my trust. Stole from me, insulted me, humiliated me. I love my brother and for my parents sake I won’t openly hate him. He’s nice to me now, he never apologized, I hate him, but care about him. Now one of my motivations is succeeding at everything in life he’s failed at. It’s the war fellas not the battles
This week I got betrayed by my close friend, and what's more, my university roommate. He kissed the girl that I was in love with, and he knows about it. I'm trying to be a proffesionalist, I don't talk to him, don't behave aggressively I am just avoiding him right now. The worst thing is not that rejection or a broken heart. The worst thing is this betrayal from the person that I really trust, I can not believe that person with who I m living in the room can do such a thing to me. I can not look at his face, every time I see her doing that with him and it is so hard for me. That's probably the worst week of my life, but I'm trying to stay as positive as I can and change anger and sadness to discipline. Stay hard guys!
It’s good you are learning this young. I learned recently at age 40 that if you like a girl, NEVER tell your “friends” you like her. They will drop what they’re doing just to pursue her, trash you behind your back on social media, just to make sure you have no chance, and they can continue.
I don't have an older brother but this feels like solid advice from one if I had one. Thank you for reminding me that moving on is the way forward even in the swarm of the emotions after a betrayal. Peace my friends, keeping choosing you.
I just faced betrayal myself. It's not a story I would like many people to know but here nobody knows me and I must take it off my chest. I met a girl and I realy liked her and we were making out and it seemed to me that we loved eachother. Then some shit happened and I was absent from my group of friends for 6 months. I came back and everything was good again only to find out by a third party that my best friend and this girl were making out while I was absent. My whole friend group knew this and nobody told me. This is the biggest betrayal of my life I dont know how im gonna go through this. That is it thank you for taking the time to read this.
@@rainsara2795 I did multiple times, and everyone knew, there was no way he didnt know, but honestly I feel much better now, I moved on and it feels good
Guys yall just helped me alot and once I'm through with what I'm going through as a way to keep my mind off of things as well as the betrayal I'm goin to get back into kempo and Brazilian jiu jitsu just as a exercise for my mind and body and thank you guys very much I was once a Junior division champ and wow have I forgotten alot I was taught to handle life and thanks to you guys I remember most of it I will repost y'all vids on FB to all my friends that may be going through what I am
Thank you so much for this. I really appreciate it. I've been dealing with something like this for a while now. My bro betrayed me, he's more than just a bro actually. I treated him as an actual brother as a family. He stole my hard earned money from me. I never thought he could do something stupid like that to me. And it is eating me alive thinking about it sometimes being broke and being betrayed is really hard, but THANK YOU for these words. You're my hero Sir Jocko! My love and respect for you sir 🙌
Jocko, Thank you so much for explaining about the difference and distintion between those to trust no matter what, vs. those who aren't worthy of that. I appreciate your explaining about how to look at hateful negative comments objectively. Because I get to deal with those online also...so it's my responsibility to handle those comments correctly!
Jocko Willink is officially my life coach. I really appreciate all the wisdom and manly lessons that him and Echo Charles have given me. Its been really appreciated and necessary.
Every time I hear "BUT" I wave off the conversation! CHECK, I know where we are at in life. I don't sweat people that are not honest and just say "Hey Man, I fucked up and think I did you wrong". My Brothers come straight out and just put in on the table. Good OR Bad. My Circle is small and you keep it that way in life. I would rather have 4 Quarters than 100 Pennies.
Just found out my wife has been lying to me about my son being mine for the past 5 years. My emotions are everywhere and my mind is discombobulated. If that’s not the biggest betrayal I don’t know what is. I don’t know what to do and I need some advice from anyone. Thanks 😞
It's a difficult and sad situation. If I was the man I would probably divorce the woman but I wouldn't reject the child, because rejection can be a killer and it is not the child's fault. I would keep it professional with the woman but not with the child, in time I would tell the child the truth but reassuring the love, "you are mine no matter what" . . Move on... There are good honest women do not transfer your mistrust to every women just because one of them betrayed you. I'm very sorry, so hurtful.
Hi, I know this was 10 months ago. But I would definitely divorce her and tell the child the truth, but you can still love the child and be in the child’s life so they can still have that father figure. But definitely pray for strength to get through your hurt it will definitely help
Had to work through this, this past week.. with my son and my ex wife.. felt betrayed by my son (who is only 13).. he allowed his mother to attempt to involve herself in our adventures because she doesn't understand boundaries.. so I took myself out of the activity my son and I were involved in. its on her now. I know that she wont be able to step up. And I wanted to, to this very morning, is to punish my son.. but that didn't seem right. this clarified it for me. instead the lesson he will learn will come when he realizes that his mother is unreliable.. and is only involved because her mood is good place at the moment. and now instead of strapping wetsuits and heading down to the beach. he and I will be going for runs everyday hes with me.
Betrayal - I will give you betrayal, I’ve been completely betrayed ; abused, bullied, hit, smacked , manipulated, deceived , lied to, lied about , fucked over, mentally abused , psychologically abused and dropped by everyone I have ever met. One hell of a long story . The ONLY way I will deal with this (now I know) is too completely remove these people out of my life. I got to the top of the mountain (whether I want to be there or not) by climbing through shit. I achieved through the climb beyond what I should. I’ve been dragged back by all that had there chance to. This is to everyone out there who has been unfortunate enough to be born into a situation you never wanted and had no chance but to be in. Other people actions are never a reflection of you and it’s always their fault. Be brave and get all of these people out your life. Whether that’s “friends” or “family” if they took a swipe kick them out.
Truly needed to hear this, raised and I preached it to my kids!! The ONLY, I mean , ONLY time I could say “ but”, without literally hearing a lecture, at times, even having soap placed into my mouth was the time I said” BUT, I will find a way to get through this, whatever it takes me, whoever it is that can help me, I will make it right! The only times! ( we lived back in the day of soaps, being corrected, we have backbones also!
In simpler terms: Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on ME. I got wronged by 2 guys who were like brothers to me, and I washed my hands of both of them at the same time, and I will never forgive or forget either. The best "revenge" is living well.
