CONGNITIVE EMPATHY is exactly the words I needed! I have low empathy, but very high cognitive empathy, compassion and sympathy. I'm autism spectrum/cptsd
as a speechie of over 35 years I have discovered this is a major trait in asd . "sympathy versus empathy" I have found neurotypicals do not get this also logical versus practical. No judgement please
@@AC-kc2qt as an autistic speechie, the range of affective empathy varies super wildly across the autistic spectrum. it's definitely important to normalise that having low affective empathy is not an immoral trait and has no bearing on being an actually compassionate person, but many autistic people have high affective empathy as well. the sensory hypersensitivity tends to contribute to that affective empathy.
@@merrynothing3204 People can only truly empathize with things they’ve gone through. I can’t empathize with someone who’se lost a child but I can empathize with someone who has chronic illness. So that’s one form of empathy, experiential empathy. Another form is for example if you see someone cry and it makes you emotional. I might even watch a movie where people are mourning and it makes me cry. I might not have gone through exactly what they’ve gone through, and I certainly won’t feel the same extent of mourning the characters are feeling, but I feel incredibly sad and to some degree like I’m mourning as well. So it doesn’t necessarily mean you feel exactly like the other person, but you do to some degree experience their emotion. Your own emotions are influenced directly by theirs, that’s what empathy typically looks like. Doesn’t need to be fully equal levels of the emotion to be considered empathy. And most people have very strong empathy towards people they care about, so when people they care about are in a good or bad mood, it changes their mood too. But most people have more mild empathy for strangers, so only very strong emotions will change their mood. If I see a stranger get proposed to and start crying happy tears, I feel incredible joy. If I see a stranger in horrible pain, I feel extremely sad and distraught.
@@meganmorais5240 yes plus in general I have observed children with asd are the most sympathetic children in the playground , often the first to run to a child who has fallen over or console a child who is crying.
I never want to lose my empathy, but I'd give ANYTHING to lose my guilt. I don't know how to control it and feel responsible for everyone in my life to some extent. It's a living hell and I almost envy your lack of these emotions.
One thing i learned is that part of maturing is moving past regret, realising that dwelling on the past and feeling bad about it is almost inevitable but try to understand that it is completely useless and unhelpful. Sitting in the present feeling bad about the past does nothing except make you feel bad right now, and so to move past that, the best thing to do is look at the situation, realize what was bad about it, see how you can do better in the future, accept that you've messed up, forgive yourself for it, and try to just view it as a reminder to do better in the future, because looking back and simply feeling bad does nothing for you and nothing for the situation.
Empathy can definitely be annoying. Plenty of times I’ve started daydreaming, made up a fake scenario then started crying because I’m empathizing with people who literally don’t exist. It’s not debilitating, but it’s pretty silly. Sometimes I think I should go into acting because I’ve gotten to a point where I can basically cry on command just by thinking too much.
Thank you, my sister in empathy....I do the daydreaming thing too...and it wasn't until I found the Myers-Briggs test and I found out I am in INFP that I was able to stop trying to be an extrovert ( I got alot of pressure to "come out of my shell") I write that because it was so relieving to find out that it was OK to be the way I am..daydreams, crying, introversion and emotional hot mess express. It may be helpful.
That's exactly how you make yourself cry on command. Think about things that get you emotional. Maybe something from your past that hasn't completely healed yet.
honestly, cognitive empathy is the one that really matters, because as long as you KNOW what others are feeling then you can act accordingly (however that may be) and you won’t get dragged down by other people’s emotions
I agree with this so much and if you don't feel other peoples emotions you will not have the problem of not knowing for sure if what you are feeling are your own emotions or the emotions of someone you are around i find that pretty difficult at times and kinda wouldn't mind not having empathy (but still having cognitive empathy)
It held me back most of my life. Being raised by narcissistic parents, being hypersensitive to others was a no go. I was taught to hide who I was. It's taken years of healing to get back to my true nature. Now I'm learning how to use empathy for my super power.
Honestly, sometimes I wish I could switch feelings of remorse on and off. I spent so much of my life overanalyzing and feeling guilty for silly things I've done. I would never hurt someone intentionally, but it's also unhealthy to put yourself down all the time and regret something small from 20 years ago 🤦🏻♀️
You know i am beginning to realise that most of the time i dont need empathy i need someone who is logical and level headed in my time if need and despair ..
you might want to make sure it’s not autism first before jumping straight to aspd. empathy issues can present in similar ways in both low empathy autistics and people with aspd
I actually feel like cognitive empathy should be considered as more positive than someone who can't help but feel what others are feeling. It's good to learn to ground yourself and to shield your emotional body from absorbing the emotions of others. It can be very confusing, and in my experience can cause physical anxiety that in the moment seems to come from within, but really it's a lack of emotional boundaries. It's better to have a degree of objectivism, simply because it's much easier to help someone when you aren't just crawling in the hole with them. A lot of us develop cognitive empathy in order to protect ourselves from emotional vampires. I guess emotional discernment is something we just need to be more aware of in general.
it doesnt work this way. i can choose to empathize if I want or not. but when I empathize I always do it emotionally so I choose to feel their pain to better understans them and be there for them while cogngitive empathy is merely choosing to empathize with no comsequences attached. merely brain power
I'm not even convinced emotional empathy is real. you cannot convince me that people are not just seeing emotions assuming what they are and then relating it to themselves. that's why I used to think I was so empathetic but really it was all about me and my trauma. cognitive empathy is better
I think both can be true. But cognitive empathy allows for someone not to be ruled by their emotions and handle the situation logically. It's useful. I have had to try and put this more into practice. I feel sad when someone else I care about is sad sometimes. But it's because I am just sad that they are sad. I am having my own reaction to their emotions. I think that's what empathy is.
It’s not only about relatability; I think people often mistake empathy as that solely. Empathy is also about intuiting and experiencing that emotion - and people can do that, I just think it’s far more uncommon than experiential empathy (which can also just be disguising someone’s self-absorption too tbh).
Hi spiralcat ♥️ With emotional empathy it’s not just compared it’s felt, in a consuming type of way. For me I have lacked cognitive empathy where I couldn’t understand why my partner was sad but I feel sad they’re. I can validate and apologize because I feel the change within me.
@Sweet 2 Sour- BPD I hope in your case it's true. I found in my case it was an assumption. Even when people would tell me they didn't feel that, I would think they weren't being honest with themselves, because I truly didn't feel like it was coming from me
My mom is a nurse and used to work with pre-term babies. She is naturally a very practical and logical person, so it wasn't hard for her to put her emotions aside and do her job. But a couple years after she had children of her own, she went back to work and found she couldn't work with neonatals anymore. She felt too bad for them and their parents, too much empathy/compassion for them and was miserable. So she switched to another unit. I guess this sort of supports your theory, because she was fine poking neonates with needles until she had a baby of her own. I think she transferred a bit of the love and concern she had for my sister and I on to EVERY baby. Anyways, emotional empathy as I understand it is just observing someone having a feeling, and then feeling your best approximation of that emotion in yourself. Generally to a lesser degree. For example, if I see someone sobbing, I'll often tear up a little. I likely don't know exactly what they're going through but I know what it feels like to be so sad or afraid that you completely break down. I think this is an example of emotional empathy, even though I am relating their pain to pain I've experienced in the past. I don't think that's being self centered, because I'm not thinking about myself in that moment (it's subconscious). In fact, feeling empathy like this motivates me to negate my own wants/needs and help the other person if at all possible.
Kanika, you’ve helped educate some so much. There’s so much stigma surrounding ASPD, and while I don’t struggle with it personally i’m always wanting to learn more about what i don’t understand. ASPD is very complex and it’s far from one dimensional, yet people fail to grasp that and put people with ASPD into a single box. I think what you’re doing is very educational and helpful. Not to mention the fact that you’re an empowering figure in general. You don’t let other people’s view of you shake you from your course, you’re ambitious, and you’re passionate. You’re admirable despite your past actions because you’re driven to do good. Not because of guilt, but because you’re consciously making those decisions.
I have CPTSD and sometimes I wish I could turn my empathy down. I will empathize to the point of doing myself harm. I struggle severely with following through with boundaries.
Agreed! She has a good voice for podcasting & there are at least 10 ppl I can think of off the top of my head right now that’d be great guests for her!
I’ve been following you for years and you’ve inspired me to get an evaluation. I’m a product of a chaotic broken home and severe childhood trauma. For years I didn’t take good care of myself I didn’t have that instilled in me but I’m doing everything to change that now. Thank you for what you do. I know many people judge but I get you.
That cognitive empathy versus feeling empathy explination juat clicked a whoooole lot of buttons. Im a EXTREMELY empathetic person so it was hard to understand but this is fantastic
Wow. The amygdala in the brain isn't fully formed. That explains alot. It can happen because it didn't form like it should in the womb or from traumatic abuse or both. I'm an empath, I feel others pain. I even could feel the person I came across with NPD, I felt his pain. Have mercy, the abuse he endured..I just knew. I don't know you, we aren't friends and, though you don't show it I sense you have alot of pain. Your videos are so helpful in understanding ASPD, NPD, BPD. I hope the fact you have made progress so much so that the possible criminal charges are resolved. You have taken positive steps. I believe you could help others do that as well.
Sociopath here - I tend to gravitate toward empaths because I feel that their inherent since of morality is a good thing. I am antisocial due to upbringing, of course, but the reality is (to me) that most people are not worth knowing. Empaths, at least, seem to try to do the right thing so my anger subsides around them.
Thank you for making these videos to help us understand, they're fascinating. I never would have thought the lack of empathy extends towards yourself too, I mean, it makes a lot of sense but I wouldn't have made that link otherwise.
Empathy can even make you a MEAN person. I feel empathy full throtle. I went the opposite direction of sociopath from my trauma. Now I am so sensitive to other people's emotions I will do ANYTHING to make sure they're happy or calm. And I used to do some pretty messed up things to get that peace. Now, I just choose to surround myself with naturally upbeat people like myself. I still can't stand being near people who are constantly angry and stuff though. I feel it too much. Other people's emotions easily consume my day.
Empathy isn't always good. I've got hyperempathy, probably because of my ADHD emotional dysregulation, and it fucking sucks. Also because of the emotional dysregulation, it's almost like I feel anything even more strongly that the person who has actual cause to feel it. If someone's sad, I'm miserable. If someone's angry, I'm incandescent. It also makes it very difficult to consume media. Any part aimed at invoking negative emotion is extremely difficult Oddly enough, children's media is actually worse - they're emotionally rather more blatant, which makes emotional climaxes in kid's films almost unbearable. I've had a history of running to the other end of the house, or conveniently timed bathroom breaks, or other avoidance tactics, for a very long time.
Empathy and intuition should come hand and hand as well. I grew up empathetic and some people took advantage of it.. so now I empathize but I also use my brain and my intuition how I should take action.
I noticed more and more I grew Up I lost empathy with human because they don't deserve it but I have a lot of empathy for animals I love them so much and I care for them ❤❤❤
i’m not a sociopath, but i would often get told that i “lacked empathy” and i couldn’t understand why people would say that. like i’m fully aware of how someone feels, i’m just more logical with my approach. So thank you for helping me see that it’s a strong possibility that i’m display cognitive empathy
I have the opposite, which may be just as troublesome. People's pain floods over me in uncontrollable tidal waves, I empathize with everyone, even my past abusers, which led to me staying in horrible relationships for way too long. I wish I could have a lot less empathy.
Many of the people watching this channel will have suffered trauma, and for some of us neurotypicals empathy and taking in the reality of what has just happened is a strange process, especially if we’ve been taught not to display emotion. And compassion comes with age. Compassion in literal terms means the ability to put yourself in another person’s shoes, often from life experience but equally from just imagining how you would feel if it happened to you. I don’t think a self-aware person with a PD is necessarily devoid of genuine compassion if they cultivate it. When I was young I could never just cry spontaneously (I still struggle with this) because I’d learned not to give abusers the satisfaction of crying when they hurt me. I think for many trauma sufferers which obviously includes a lot of personality disordered people, our relationship with emotion is a difficult thing because we may think if we cry it makes us weak or even worse, that once it comes out we’ll never stop. I’d say when I was younger I compensated for this in probably a very similar way to someone high on the autism spectrum or with sociopathic traits, by telling my loved ones that I’m no good at knowing what to say, and you won’t see me crying floods of tears at what you’ve been through, but practical help like walking your dog, making you some food, getting your groceries, I can do. As a result I honestly think showing my love rather than being able to think of the right platitudes helped deepen my friendships because I gave them what they actually needed rather than just my own response to their suffering. It’s a funny thing to say but I actually have an awful lot of empathy for people who can’t show or feel empathy, as I’ve been there. As humans, with the exception of people who are difficult to understand because causing deep suffering and harm to others brings them real satisfaction (if not joy,) we are all a lot more similar than we think. These videos have been truly enlightening for me. My father is a psychopath and not one of the “good” or self aware psychopaths. I believed I was like him because of my struggles to release or sometimes feel emotion, and even now it can be a very delayed response. None of us should judge someone else for the way they individually process and show emotion, although interestingly I’ve noticed that the people who will try and convince you you’re a terrible person for not displaying the emotion they want you to display are generally non self-aware narcissists - which I understand now because it frustrates them so much when they don’t get the fuel they need.
I wish I was never empathetic... But I became this way because I had to walk around eggshells at home ... Now I have to unlearn that not everything has to be taken personally and I don't really have to give everything my attention.. It's really hard because my adrenaline never want to stop producing especially when I'm worried about something I shouldn't ... It sucks.
I never thought if it like that. And what an eye opener. I definitely do not dislike sociopaths in general. But I know with how the media and TV shows portray the condition ppl would not understand. On the flip side bc not very many of them seek help or get counseling ppl should be apprehensive of most. Low functioning sociopaths can really mess a person up.
holy shit, i didn’t know that it’s been cognitive empathy i’ve been developing this whole time. thank you, truly, for absolutely changing my perspective and understanding bc I always thought there was something wrong with me (recently diagnosed adhd)
And like I said on a previous comment, it's super interesting how different we work. I'm autistic and while, yes, "when you meet an autistic person, you meet an autistic person", well. I'm highly empathetic but I have a lot of trouble processing my emotions. It's genuinely a lot of work, I can't do that while simultaneously focusing on a conversation. Because of that, I learned to shut myself down, to the point of having this very coping mechanism repeatedly putting me in danger. People with a lower emotional level are a blessing for that, because I won't feel obligated to ride the emotional rollercoaster. It'll leave me more time to process everything. Cognitive empathy is also really good in that regard.
It’s really hard for me to feel empathy. I’ll see my friend being sad, crying and I’ll be ohh they need to be comforted because I see they are sad. My end goal is to get them back to normal so I don’t have someone just crying around.
Oh don't worry about empathy. Most people nowadays think they are super empaths but just totally ignore the feelings or emotional state of the others. You seem to be more emphatic than a lot of other people.
If i didn't enjoy the positive emotions so much, i would say i wish i wasn't so empathetic. Other people's sadness and especially when talking about their stories it really touches my heart, but i know without the painful things, we couldn't truly feel joy
Thanks for your honesty & transparency. I am an empath (due to childhood neglect and abuse by a covert narc alcoholic mother and I hate being so fkn weak. It helps me to understand that sociopaths can’t feel certain emotions and that it is not your fault you can’t. I have not gone thru all your vids yet but am wondering what the people who raised you were like and what your childhood was like. Thanks again for teaching honestly and for helping your friends when they need it. 💝
Cognitive empathy is what keeps going even when I turn off my emotional empathy because I prefer to not have the ability to cry when I am being the shoulder to cry on.
Empathy can be such a double edged sword, it’s very easy to make emotionally driven decisions and allow people to take advantage because you feel the need to ease their distress.
this just made me realize i dont have empathy 😭 i thought empathy was knowing how someone else felt i didnt know empathy was feeling what others felt bec i definitely dont
I'm one of those people who has too much empathy. The best way for me to describe just how bad my empathy is, I start tearing up if someone around me is crying. Makes it really hard to watch Pixar movies when you feel the same emotions as the fictional characters. Only one I haven't cried at was Onward because I jokingly said "he's dead" and a small child shouted "yay!" without hearing me. My cousin and I couldn't help but crack up at the emotional ending.
The more I watch your videos the more I notice a gradual shift in myself over the years. I thought I was becoming cold or desensitized, but no, it's actually cognitive empathy and I prefer it.
I once read that sociopaths don’t feel empathy but will choose to sympathize with people just because they actively care about that person. Knowing how some “empaths” act towards people I would say that choosing to sympathize might be the better choice…
Toward the end of a book I read a few months ago called human kind the author actually talks about how empathy can actually be harmful without perspective, and in some cases is the root of racism and xenophobia when we empathize with people we relate to it can lead to othering people we don’t.
I’m autistic and also experience cognitive empathy/ low emotional empathy. I think of it like being on manual settings. We usually reach the exact same conclusions as those with standard empathy- we just have to initiate the process manually. And it’s less of a gut feeling, and more of a thought process. We are just as capable of being compassionate and thoughtful! I wish more people understood that.
as someone who is on the extreme other end, i second that empathy isn’t always a good thing. i have been taught that it’s okay to be a rug to strangers let alone the people who are supposed to care. not only that but i find myself psychoanalyzing everyone i meet as an automatic response and it’s exhausting to take on everyone’s emotions and problems.
I bet Hollywood movies really messed with the way people treat her once they know her diagnosis. Personally I’d be best friends with her, it’s always good to have someone on your side that will have your back when you don’t have it yourself. And while I think I have more typical emotions I could care less what other people are feeling/thinking… probably why I’ve been single for like 5 years but I like myself too much to deal with other peoples bullshit
Also, having empathy can cause you to do something that’s not wise. There’s good & bad to both having empathy & not having empathy. No one should think they’re better than someone.
I appreciate how much you put stigmas to rest. As a psychology major who has a friend who’s sociopathic, y’all are not mean or scary at all. Y’all or some of the best people. Just because you had trauma, and evolution needed “protectors” in the past, doesn’t mean y’all aren’t normal or deserve what neurotypical people do. People need to grow up and start understanding people.
interestingly enough, the part of the brain that's responsible for empathy is also responsible for discipline. discipline is essentially empathy for your future self
Psychopathic and autistic here. I got you. I want to help people, not hurt people. It's obviously for my own personal enjoyment and justice for my abusive temperamental past, however when I use Machiavellianism, I am not a monster. I can convince myself I feel emotions, but I do not. The only things I feel now are anger, rage, and depression at times. It's widely misunderstood and I will tear those down that are hurtful to innocents or among other things, animal abuse.
It’s strange how life works out. My sister and I grew up in the same chaotic household and somehow she is a sociopath and I am definitely not. Makes me wonder about mani what if scenarios, for both of us.
"I know logically I shouldn't have done them, but I don't feel guilty" This is why, as much as my old sociopath friend "loved" me, I was low-key afraid of them. I suppose that comes from having a NPD parent and the discard is BRUTAL, and the fear of that being the same w/my friend was real.
"I don't feel empathy. This doesn't mean I'm a bad person" "I have done bad things in my life, maybe some criminal stuff too" Lmao. It seems like she's trying to minimize the fact that she'll always be pretty evil and selfish, even though she tries to live a "normal" life without dealing with ilegal stuff. I do not wish harm for her, but I definetly would not want someone who feels no emotions for others around me or around people I love.
@@okamirosaluna2050 I've watched it and my opinion is still the same. She's selfish, vain, and very manipulative. The fact that many people here lick her boots and believe in all the things she says is the proof of that.
Well that's what comes with the territory she's just being honest but sometimes I question her demands on being a sociopath because there rare they usually have zero empathy they also don't usually have any friends because of it. Kind of like amber heard I'm pretty sure she falls into that category too based on what she put johnny dep through. They don't feel guilt over what they did to there loved ones.. They also try to mimic empathy to gain trust from people. If somebody is around them its because there serving them some type of purpose. I think a lot of people like the diagnoses of sociopath because it makes them feel different then other people. But they never want to hear the word narcissist because it doesn't sound as edgy if they did actually lack empathy for others they wouldn't regret hurting anyone. They would just carry on like it never happened. As messed up as that sounds you don't have to do bad things just to be treated differently you just have to distant yourself from a lot of people to avoid problems. You can exist as a sociopath and not break the law or brag about it. Its nothing to be proud of but some people try to make it seem like it is but its not I don't even know if a woman could actually be a full sociopath because women are usually very emotional due to our cycles. Psycho path sure but sociopaths in women are highly rare.
She has emotions, she is human, she just doesn't feel them in the same way a neurotypical person would. She can still feel sad and angry and happy just like you, her brain just functions different from yours and she tries to be the best person she can with that. Being different does not make you inherently evil or selfish and this kind of mindset is really harmful to neurodivergent groups who already have massive stigma against them
This is what someone with ANY disorder, especially PDs looks like in treatment. It is possible to cope. She is a rare example of a sociopath who is self aware and doesn’t use this for harm/malice; instead, she uses her knowledge for compassion. If all sociopaths sought treatment, I think it would really help. BUT it can only help if society releases it’s stigma of PDs. It is hard to get better with everyone calling me a monster. To seek treatment when no one will see me. people like me with Bpd, ppl like her w aspd will never be “normal” but as long as we are willing to curb our natural coping behaviors as we see it damages others, we shouldn’t be viewed as monsters. There are plenty of “empaths” who do evil things too. It’s not so black and white
You can still choose to care. Most people I've encountered don't really FEEL empathy. They cognitively perform it by actively trying to put themselves in someone else's shoes and that's if they care enough about it.
as somebody with hyperempathy, let me tell you, empathy does NOT equal compassion, there are times where empathy can honestly get in the way of compassion and kindness, they are two different things
I have Attention Deficit and Hiperativity Disorder. I think that people with high empathy do terrible things. Ex: Evil dictators or Evil empaths I think that make bad or good things is more related to your social development And also the habits you linked with it along the time. I enjoy the honesty and assertiviness in her videos Because there a lot of people that suffer from the same disorder as her. And that is it! Keep your Channel going, it's great!
Yup, I have very limited empathy. I only really experience it with people I'm close to, but I logically understand what other people feel but it's not something I feel with them. I don't have ASPD, but empathy is a weird thing
As someone with GAD, I’d prefer an underdeveloped amygdala and more cognitive empathy. Anxiety has made it hard for me to develop a stable sense of self and relate to other people. It’s the worst form of narcissism imaginable.
