Ep162: "I S*** You Not" : A New Take on the Book of Mormon 

Rebecca called it the ISYN Book of Mormon….Spoken phonetically… the “I SIN” Book of Mormon. I love it soooo much!! 😂❤

Rebecca, Landon, I took a couple of classes from Dean Jessee at Byu, and he told me that in the early 1970s he was asked by President Kimball, to see if he could get the brown seer stone to work. Dean related that he studied books on scrying or juggling to discover how to perform scrying or to get the stone to work as described by Joseph Smith. Basically Dean Jessee was unable to get the brown seer stone to work to reveal or show to him anything supernatural. So it is not a rumor it is a fact.

Not too hard to imagine this scene taking place in the Church Office Building sometime in May 1978: A secretary is at his desk next to the closed door of the President's office. Suddenly he gets a worried look on his face as he hears loud and angry expressions of frustration -- clearly the raspy voice of President Kimball pushed to its limits: "Why!?! Why!?! Why won't you work for me!!?? I've even rubbed you down with consecrated oil! I've prayed. I've fasted, fer crissake!! I could have had pineapple upside-down cake this morning, but I didn't! All just to get you to work!" Then everything goes quiet for a few minutes. Suddenly there's a loud bang and the sound of shattering glass. The secretary rushes into the President's office: "Are you okay, President Kimball? I heard a loud noise!" As he surveys the room, he sees President Kimball's prized photo, showing him surrounded by a dozen Lamanite children, on the floor...the glass in the frame shattered into many pieces. Next to it on the floor is the Prophet's beloved crystal Moroni statue, with it's head and trumpet broken off. In the middle of the debris, the secretary sees a roundish, ovalish, brownish, turdish stone, about the size of an oval-shaped snack cake. President Kimball's head is in his hands, his face concealed. The secretary can't see his eyes, but can hear him muttering: "I have to do something about this damnatiously damnoidal damnoxious priesthood ban thing-a-mabob. I was sure I could get a big-time revelation. But nothing! Even this turdishly brown seer stone won't work. I guess I'm not a seer after all. I'm just a seersucker! From now on, I will wear seersucker neckties to symbolize my reality. But now I have to try to sell the priesthood ban reversal by way of a revelation that I have to describe as just a thought that formed in my mind that I thought about for a long time, weighing pros and cons, until I felt good about making a decision and confess that I just decided to call that a 'revelation'. Not ideal. Not ideal at all! I may as well be describing the way a used car dealership manager makes decisions! If only I could lie and smile the way that Gordon does! I've always been bad at this game. I hate it! I just want to go to Arizona and give sunscreen lotion to Lamanite children." The secretary quietly tip-toed out of the room, gently closing the door behind him, realizing that he had just witnessed a very sacred and pivotal moment in the history of the Church. Instinctively, he knew that what he witnessed was way too sacred to ever talk about.

This was fun! Language does evolve!

I'm a never Mormon and a Linguist- I love this. I have read the first chapter of Nephi, and I understood this better! Also the swear word thing is true, it's being used a lot for emphasis not shock.

So fun. Way more fun to read.

Great show. ISYN

I read some of this new translation, and really felt the spirit. Thanks, I will share. 😊

I’m DYING!😂 Love you guys reading!

I read the 1980 version of the BoM at least 36 times! I quit reading about 7 years ago. I will definitely read the BoM again if you all publish this version!!

I listen to Mormonish on AntennaPod--no video, and no comment option, either, so I came to RU-vid to comment and hit the thumbs-up. I got a kick out of this, as I was raised without religion. As I grew up, I had to find ways to deter proselytizers of any religion who desired to convert me. This I SYN tactic reminds me of the term I used--and still use--to refer to 'god': the Fairy Princess. "In the beginning, the Fairy Princess created heaven and earth...right?" In this weird, weird world that seems to get weirder all the time, I don't underestimate the value of a good laugh. Spoonful of sugar, one might say. Merch idea! I SYN in big letters, above a more modestly sized ( mormonish ). Suitable for church? I wouldn't know. Love you guys. : )

This was funny. Joe used to”And it came to pass” lit it was his pet. Current modern version is “You know” this episode is no exception.

circumcised - wearing a hoodie uncircumcised - hoodie off

Oh hell! I grew up near Palmyra, too!

Fantastic episode 🎉

circumcised = tip clip ;)

Absolutely awesome to think about and consider! Language is a big deal! Great new version of the BoM !! Love it!! I Shit You Not... literally!

So hilarious. I would add replace “mock” with “roast”

Great episode!!!!!! 💛🌻

Very interesting. Never Mormon but I find it all interesting. I’ve read the KJV Bible quite a bit and the word “piss” or “pisseth” appears 8 times in the Old Testament. Probably not a word you hear that much from the pulpit these days, but presumably acceptable in the days of the KJV. One older commentator said that there were words and phrases in the Bible that a preacher would not utter these days from the pulpit for fear of losing his job.

Since there isn’t a great way to describe “uncircumcised”, I vote we use the nonsense slang “Skibidi” to mean circumcised. So it would be the “nonskibidi” of heart. Also, please replace any use of the word “Truth” with “tea”!

The Joseph Smith translation of the Kjv

"Nip the Tip" for circumcision LOL

If Joe's 'LATE WAR' elementary school Primer written in biblical style- had said 'I Sh*t You Not', instead of 'It came to pass', Joe's Book of Mormon would have too! - Fellow BYU SOA BS/MS Grad.- I Sh*t You Not! (BTW-'Where'd you get that Nifty Jacket??' - Fast Times @RHS, Jeff Spicoli aka Sean Penn)😂😂🤣🤣

15:00 This table isn't a good example of "translation" differences; nearly all of these differences are due to disagreement over what the original (greek/hebrew) text should say, rather than disagreements on how to translate it to English. This is based on the field of "textual criticism", which you can't do with the BoM because there are no copies of the "original reformed egyptian text" available...

Hilarious 😆

Language is a very powerful motivator. Use the right words, and nations will follow you. Use the wrong words, and you will be a laughing stock. Since 99% of us can’t read Aramaic, Hebrew, or Ancient Greek, and we don’t truly (I shit you not), understand the language of the KJV, we rely on the various translations (in the OED definition of the word) to help us understand God’s Word. I suggest having various Bible translations handy to bring God’s Word to light. I have powerfully laughed at thine reading of the new testimony of Jebus, and truly, I say unto thee, bless thee for the candle that shineth beneath the bushel.

I know you wouldn’t. !!! We’re your favorite turds!😆

Tip snip or using short sleeves

I love you guys, and I shit you not 😅

A slang word for circumcision is "snipped". 🙂

Circumcision= buzz cut or flat top

Or nipping the bub

This was disgusting. But I have enjoyed some of your other videos

Your podcasts are getting more ridiculous

NIP THE TIP