Exercises in Futility - CrossFit is the WORST Self-Defense Program (Pt. 1) 

Learning crossfit as a defense mechanism, gotta confuse the attackers, right babe?!

i took a self-defense class , but quit because they never showed me what to do if the victim starts fighting me back.

Next up: How crossfit can be adapted to perform emergency heart surgery by using movements that you're _already fucking good at_ .

"The real mugger is Crossfit, because every day it beats people up - and takes their money." Thats a mic dropper right there!

Twenty years Wrestling, Judo and Boxing. I can tell you this is beyond terrible and will get you beaten to a pulp

if he is some crossfit guru and it works so well, why does he have a sloppy couch potato dad bod

"Functional fitness is like inner beauty. It can mean anything and so it means nothing." Perfect!

lol so done at 2:41 "Wow if i ever attack a crossfitter with my boombox, I'm fucked"

Those poor schmucks could have spent less money joining a boxing or muay thai gym.

If you've ever trained in any functional martial art you will find this hilarious!

"The weakest muscles in the body are at the back of the neck." "Actually, on a crossfitter it's a 640 way tie." I lost it!

After watching a bunch of your videos Elgintensity, I am starting to hate cross-fit as much as you do. Its a clever marketing scam, I have to give them that.

Man, why didn't they teach us this technique in the Marine Corps? Seems very effective!

Self Defense 101: Don't Do "The Four STUPIDS" Don't go to STUPID PLACES, at STUPID TIMES, with STUPID PEOPLE, who do STUPID THINGS. Do that, and 99% of your self-defense is done. Someone who goes home and goes to sleep because he has work tomorrow morning is going to see different results from someone who hangs out with his drug-addict friends in their illegal meth lab at 3 o'clock in the morning while they show off their gun collection. If you do CrossFit, then you do all four things at once.

Attack a crossfitter with my boombox, I'm in trouble. LMAO

I'm not an expert by any means, but I'm pretty sure disciplines such as Muay Thai, Brazilian jiu jitsu, judo, etc., are what you'd practice if you wanted to become a better fighter. Those are proven fighting disciplines. Crossfit most definitely is not.

as a muaythai coach, that was hilarious.

"The last thing a woman needs to do when she is getting attacked is get on the ground and spread her cheeks" aaaaannnnddd I lost it! I had to stop the video because I couldn't stop laughing and didn't want to miss any more of the comedic genius of Dr. Victor Von Trapenstein.

These techniques are totally effective if you ever fight an attacker who is immobile, non-reactive, and can be incapacitated by a single shove to the face.

Kipping groin strikes?

the 2 on 1 drill is amazing. one guy takes a really soft and slow punch and backs off immediately, the next guy gets into a weird squat and turns his head to the side while she pushes against him like a football sled before running away through what I can only assume is intended to be an analogue for a doggy door.

I think cross-fit should become the next "stand-up" comedy gig!

My self-defense style is called Smith and Wesson. I use the revolver stance. It contains .357 techniques that move at 1400 fps.

that is not the ball you should be going for cupcake. lmfao

Most, if not all, of the old episodes of "Exercises in Futility" will go up on this channel, so subscribe if you weren't around to see the old episodes or if you want to watch them again. I'll return to recording videos next week. I just took this week off to play as much Dark Souls 3 as I could. --El Trapo a.k.a. Puglord

Even I had to interject commentary on this too lol "It'll help me as a school teacher in case I have to, you know---" "Drop kick a shitty kid?"

is she going to double palm her students in the face?

You know what kind of defense would REALLY keep a crossfitter safe? Shooting an attacker. Buy a gun, get good with it, carry it when possible.

lol, people could just go join a real martial art of some sort, BJJ/Shotokan/Boxing/Judo/etc and get all the exercise they need while learning something actually beneficial. I bet these crossfit things even cost more than a membership at a decent martial arts place.

Off the turnbuckle into the spear? Are you the Roman Reigns of crossfit?

This can't be real... People actually think this will work?

Cross fit combat instructor starter pack: Black shirt with gray lettering saying combat, be old with gray but spiked hair, tribal tattoo, and most importantly the matching gray cargo shorts(these are vital).

Breaking news: CrossShitter found dead after resisting mug outside his local box.

They're all standing up straight, do people not get taken down if they do crosshit? I'm 30, 6' tall, 225 pounds, I bench in the mid 300s and squat in the mid 400s. I wrestled for 7 years and trained in MMA for 2... I carry a gun, f getting in a fight if you can avoid it.

I'm glad more of these are coming to RU-vid. Thank you, Al Trapone.

I guess no one in this class including the tutor has ever been in any type of fist fight

Yo traplord. Where the fuck are you? Your videos make my day.

that 'if I ever attack a crossfitter with my boombox' line got me laughing so hard

Real talk, I am VERY nervous for that teacher who thinks she has a chance in hell of successfully breaking up a fight in the hall.

Watching this in the library. STRUGGLING. TO. CONTAIN. LAUGHTER.

Dear god help us...next they'll be running under the moniker of "The most dangerous athletes on the planet". lol!!!!

I would totally fight crossfitter but I wouldn't want to get body glitter all over my hands

For anyone wondering, the coach in the vid has since moved on from CrossFit. He's still teaching this self-defense stuff, but it's now called the SPEAR system, so I guess if you like you can search it up and see how it's "evolved" from here...

I forgot how much i loved this channel.

This is next generation mc dojo

Crossfitters are desperate to find validation by searching for relevancy of their sport into everyday life. It's hilarious.

The most dangerous thing about these kinds of seminars is that they try and tell people, especially women, that size doesn't matter in combat. The truth is, size is one of the most important factors. If that were not the case, then there would be no weight classes in fighting. The best thing for 99% of people to do is to run and scream as loud as possible. I always here people try and tell me that technique and experience can overcome size, and I believe that to some extent, but a short seminar course will not provide enough technique or experience. I hate to break it to these people, but the world isn't fair. There are very few women that can defeat the average male in a fight, no matter what the local McDojo says. This guy is acting like these people are stronger than they are to feed their ego and gain financially from this scam.

2:41 This Elgintensity line should go in his hall of fame, it gets me every time I hear it 😆

I don't understand why they go under the poles at all. I am honestly trying to figure out at what area in your day to day, or even special circumstances of areas would you ever find yourself needing to escape under something small? Is there a half opened garage you are getting in/out of? Are you escaping under a truck?

lmao 648 way tie... im dead

thanks for the vids o doscovered the channel yesterday with your crossfitters learning boxing and i was crying laughing. ive been binge watching ever since

I can't tell you how much your work means to me dude. It makes me laugh even when I'm down and it's just the best. You're doing the work of the Lord. God bless

All u need is Cross Maga

King Elgin, I'm undecided on getting Mr. Hyde or Meth Lab, in your unbiased opinion which do you recommend in terms of low volume high frequency training ?

Keep up the great work man.

This is the funniest channel I've seen in a while, and it's true af. Elgintencity fucking exposes everything, and it's witty, funny, and intelligent. Keep spreading the bullshit my man and expose that shit. :)

Is this more effective than Moe Syszlak´s system "funk dance for self defence"?

Annnd that's a wheelchair

you got me at that Dim Mak moment, nicely done

@elgintensity Lol ELGIN you have no chill and very valuable points on these crossfit commentaries! You the man TRAPOSAURUS REX.

lmao if you try to use that shit on the streets they will beat you up while laughing their ass of

Thats my purse!! I dont know you!!

I stopped watching this Channel when you had take your stuff down due to copyright BS. Glad to see you're back!!

I love that "Functional fitness can mean anything" line because I've said very very similar for years in management, "Professionalism is like true love or inner beauty. It's vague and means anything you want it to, so it therefore means nothing. Be polite and do your job." And yeah, it most certainly applies to fitness. I doff my cap, sir.

Crossfit : self defense. Krav Maga :Am I a joke ??

I wanna fight that defense instructor. I'm 15 and I bet I can still kick his ass; I do MMA and boxing.

Haven't even finished the video and I'm dying, I love this shit

Chin up and hands down (after the first push) - seems like a fight winning combination.

WHAT.THE.FUCK did I just watch ? Are these people serious ? This looks like a parody/mockery from SNL . This has got to be a fucking joke.

The Bas reference...🤣🤣🤣Love El Guapo

that demak, park was hilarious.

Haha that boom box joke was on point.

"Functional fitness is like inner beauty" :D *subscribed* :D

Love your sarcasm mate! Thumb up.

So glad you mentioned Bas Rutten

I enjoy these commentaries from the Lawyer of MeTrapolis.

BJJ. Firearms. Running. That’s it.

One of my greatest accomplishments is teaching my wife how to box. It's been almost 6 years now 3 times a week and she's gotten good. Drawback....I cant walk around the house without my guard up...she's a little firecracker.

The double leg and the slam, sweet

Where the hell did a teacher find 250$ to spare? I call bullshit on this one!

Trapmaster and Bas Rutten in one video doing commentary would be gold.

holy shit the boombox line actually made me spit out my cereal like the guy in the fucking meme

OMG, I love this channel!

Although I don't agree with everything you say on your vids, I have to say you're spot on here. Your best weapon is the one you carry between your ears. After this get some instruction in multiple self defense courses like Jujitsu, boxing, street fighting etc. Just make sure you get a good instructor. Stay in shape. Stay vigilant. Stay informed.

ahahah good job for plugging Bas Rutten ahaha this guy is awesome !

"I'm sorry miss, but I'm going to break your arm." Comedy gold.

Thank you for mentioning Bas Rutten. His books and DVDs are great.

the bas rutten DVD is 14 dollars on amazon im dieing!

that little bracey thing makes you one elbow slap away from getting head and armed.

One of Elgin’s best!!! #HOF

New to both of your channels and I love your commentary. Not sure if they have suggested this trap nickname but what about "Daenerys Trapgaryen"?

The best MMA writer and analyst in da game tweeted this vid. nice going bruh

Just laughed so ham I spit my coffee all over the keyboard. #exposedyourface

Yessssssss!!! Thank you for making my day!!

"you killed that guy with one hit.. that dim mak" that killed me hahahahahah

great video trapadamus

remember when i had a chance to go to 1 free self defense seminar and the instructor was showing how to escape a headlock from the back with a classical elbow hit to the hips like in action movies had a student demonstrating while he used a headlock (not a proper one) and obviously pretended. then i asked "Could I try to headlock you and you try using that method you've shown to escape?" and suddenly the instructor started making excuses like "If I would do it it could lethally injure you" then I've said "well I'm certain that with the mastery like yours you could control the amount of your power to not injure me and just break loose" after few similar excuses I was able to talk him into it. So I've gave him a headlock he tried to do that struggling to get out when i started to hear he was gasping for air, I've let him go and he made excuse of how i have lots of strength and make a good tight headlock (I'm not superstrong or something just your average guy) so "I don't think your method is very effective If it doesn't work against someone who has "lots of strength" or has a "good tight headlock"" I've replied. And all ended up is that most of the class got out of the seminar and this phony instructor was lucky enough that it was free cause I bet many would've demanded a refund. Next time I swear i fine a lawsuit to one of those phonies that teaching "deadly" moves in self defense classes or teaching "effective" moves in self defense classes and trying to suck money away

The boom box bit 😂😂😂

Watching Sandra Bullock's SING demonstration in Miss Congeniality 2 will teach a woman far more about self-defense.

the more i watch you're videos the more i laughed each time because people giving bullshit advice to others down their throat and their buying it lol.then your commentary makes it hilarious nice keep up the good work. new subscriber by the way