Fastest Test: is My Partner a Narcissist

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If you're reading this, chances are you're wondering whether someone in your life might be a narcissist. You're in the right place because, in this video, You can find out once and for all.
I will walk you through a simple tool that will help you determine whether or not your friend, coworker, romantic partner, or family member is actually a narcissist.
By the end of this video, you'll have a much better sense of what you're dealing with, and with that new knowledge feel more equipped to handle the situation with clarity and calm.
So sit back, grab a cup of tea, and a piece of paper to note down the tool list, and let's do this together
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TOOL:
-- CATEGORIES --
Category 1 - No NPD
Category 2 - Highly Narcissistic defenses and/or Inter-relational style
Category 3 - Potential NPD Diagnosis
-- RATING SCALE --
1 = No
2 = I don't know / Maybe
3 = Yes, Definitely
-- TEST QUESTIONS (MARK EACH ACCORDING TO THE RATING ABOVE) --
1. Does this person have a grandiose sense of self Importance
2. Does this person have an ongoing preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or idealized love?
3. Does the person believe they are special, unique, and can only be understood by or should associate with other special or high-status people or institutions?
4. Do they require an excessive amount of admiration?
5. Does this person display a huge sense of entitlement?
6. Are they interpersonally exploitative?
7. Do they lack empathy? unwilling to identify with the feelings and needs of others?
8. Are they often envious of others? and do they believe others are envious of them?
9. Do they show arrogant/haughty behaviors? are they arrogant and dismissive?
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TIMESTAMPS:
00:00 | Intro
00:51 | The Categories
01:29 | The DSM-5 & Testing
01:53 | Rating Scale Instructions
02:13 | A grandiose sense of self-importance
02:50 | An ongoing preoccupation with success
03:20 | Do they believe they are special or unique?
03:55 | Manipulating for admiration
04:30 | Entitled?
05:01 | Interpersonally exploitative?
05:30 | Envy
06:00 | Arrogance
06:20 | Reviewing the scores
09:00 | What this video is for
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTHCARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
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#narcissism #narcissist #narcissistic

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30 июн 2024

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Комментарии : 570

@RICHARDGRANNON Год назад

Share it with your friends, ask them to do the test! Let's see how many scores we can get. And comment the number you get down below. Let's see how far we can push this algorithm 😎

@hatersuffocator5785 Год назад

But Richard there are people struggling that ARE the case so thank you for doing what you do.... it is a spectrum but those with problems pertaining directly to tbeir cluster b pathology mosdef exist despite current cultural psych trends. You have been pivotal and irreplaceable in my world in unearthing childhood bullshyte and current sh*tuation....so thanks for not giving up. I'm no victim but waking up with more and more fleas. You might consider adding "need an excessive amount of adoration AND ATTENTION"??

@BelleOfAmherst Год назад

Step One: Know the traits of an NPD.

@waterbottle2183 Год назад

I did it on 4 people. Scores: 27, 19, 25, 18 I found this to be helpful.. It’s good to hear the 9 traits clearly spelled out.. In varying degrees, it has help me shed some more light on different people, situations…. I think it can help me to ultimately detach more effectively where needed as it helps to know what you are trying to detach from lol…. and for me, it’s not about victim blaming… it’s simply empowering and ultimately will give me more perspective.

@chazbickel4518 Год назад

3s across the board. 27

@triciacarolkilbride2993 Год назад

Dad. ..now 90 but still scoring 25😮

@bonitajolie9341 Год назад

Grandiose sense of self is not initially detectable with the vulnerable narcissists. They usually display a false humility.

@Elsa_fr Год назад

Yes, my ex did that on the first two dates. Very calm, humble, reasonable.

@lianepinkos6703 Год назад

I was thinking the same thing. This test seems better for an overt narcissist.

@trulystarr4507 Год назад

See how they drive right away if they cut off drivers and get quickly angry or in a rage and you’ll find out fast

@cherylbrooking5229 Год назад

yes... this is their public persona

@ciaomamabella Год назад

I also thought the same thing. It took me 12 years to see this side of him. And when it finally came out, it’s crushed me.

@goldilocks3593 Год назад

This is so important. Having known two different people who I believe to be clinical level narcissists, I too have observed that the people most people call “narcissists” are not actual narcissists. They are people who have some narcissistic traits or even some STRONG narcissistic traits, that can or could be overcome with awareness or effort. Actual “narcissists” are something on a whole other level entirely. This is a really important distinction to understand.

@Inkbkank.2029 Год назад

Either way there’s still a shitty person and they can do a lot of damage to you mentally

@insertmyidentityhere Год назад

Please name 3 people you know who have overcome their narcissistic traits after becoming aware…. Hell, just name 3 people who have changed themselves…. I’ll wait….and the world IS becoming severely narcissistic. And by “narcissistic”, yes, I mean pathologically….

@goldilocks3593 Год назад

@@insertmyidentityhere I can actually think of some people who I grew up with who had some highly narcissistic traits who grew up, changed, got away from their families and became drastically different (and better) people. Obviously I am not going to “name” them, out of respect. To be clear, I am NOT advocating hanging out with or spending time with narcissistic people. At all. It is something that should be avoided if at all possible. It just concerns me somewhat that when we start calling every vain, conceited, ridiculous person a narcissist, that we water down how evil true narcissists really are. And true narcissists should be avoided at any cost. Including escaping, leaving, moving to another country, leaving a job, etc. That is how bad they are.

@elbanolastname748 Год назад

I would like to see a video on when and how to leave a narcissist. My partner just scored a 23. I was married to a sadistic narcissist for many years. Then I was alone for many years now I am with a seemingly nice individual but he just scored a 23 on your narcissist test. How can he be a narcissist if he is 360 degree change from my ex husband?

@wrathofkhan763 Год назад

@@elbanolastname748 Are they repeated and prolonged traits or behaviours though or just occasional occurrences- my brother on reflection has been like this forever- for years now he would say with a straight face that he was a vastly superior soccer player to a professional premier league player earning 150,000 per week- if anyone contradicted this he would become angry and loud and insistent. In truth he never even played for a local team- ever! He also constantly lies and manipulates people- mostly via the patricachy hah- well via my father and one of his flying monkeys my other brother.

@jadeoshaunessy8407 Год назад

Yeah nah, you don't have to a plumber to know there's a plumbing problem, Likewise you don't have to be mechanic to know there's a car problem What I've learned is I went looking for a soul mate And ended up with degree in psychology soo plus plus for the Empaths

@StrassenbahnBen Год назад

I literally stopped caring. If a person treats me or others poorly, I'm fucking out. No diagnosis needed. Whether that person is NPD or maybe just an asshole - it doesn't matter. I don't need an explanation. Everything I need to know, that person gives it to me the moment I witness their actions. Yet, this might be a useful concept for someone new to the topic. Thank you.

@Jop_Kop 2 месяца назад

Good idea. I thinks that's a perfect plan. This list of traits is still useful for people in a family or work relation.

@StrassenbahnBen 2 месяца назад

@@Jop_Kop Yes indeed.

@howardshapiro6553 Год назад

Could you add one more criteria question? A narcissistic person can not take any ownership of anything they do. Never take responsiblity and place blame on all others.

@dianemallon7207 2 месяца назад

I gave him 25, and I was being over generous! 😡 Oh it's terminated. Why would anyone choose be around that

@vdm568 Год назад

I always thought my husband was bipolar but listening to you I realized he is a full blown narcissist. Thank you for the video's. I walked away from a 24 year marriage 3 weeks ago. Already I'm starting to feel so much better ❤

@ashleyallen3522 Год назад

I thought mine was bipolar too!! but then borderline personality disorder fit more. But now I think he was just a narcissist…he fits all 9 plus he had a drug problem that he hid well hence the thinking he was bipolar.

@religionoffreedom Год назад

It’s not a disorder, it’s a personal style.

@shavornewilbraham7734 Год назад

Traits of my ex who I think is a vulnerable narcissist. Entitled, envious and critical of others, manipulative, zero empathy, dismissive of others' feelings, outbursts of rage, he'd play the victim a lot and then id feel sorry for him and then he'd bathe in my reassurances/compliments, he'd tear strips off me for not measuring up to his expectations, letting him down.. but I was physically ill and couldn't pay him as much attention. That's when he dismissed me.. "after 4 years of supporting me, you let me down he said. Your illness was becoming a problem and you're no longer my bright spot he said". Is this fragile, Richard? His rage got worse when he saw me moving on and getting better. Writing me letters and giving me gifts to get me back. I worked in the same office every day after we split. He'd sit watching who I spoke to and then would slide it in to work conversations. I've moved now. I feel free. X

@ebbunny Год назад

Oof! Even if he's not a covert, good riddance.

@roxanne83 4 месяца назад

That does totally sound like a narcissist. Wheather it is NPD or not, it doesn't matter

@dianaquill9969 Год назад

I'm glad you're making this video. It's incredibly important to differentiate between an actual narcissist and narcissistic traits. So many people have narcissistic traits just from bad emotional regulation.

@michellejones8320 Год назад

Grandiose narcissism is quite rare and that is the only type to which the DSM list of traits applies. There needs to be a new list to which the covert variety can be scored, as they seem to be much more pernicious and prevalent as compared to the rare grandiose types that most people can see coming from a mile away.

@katiew681 Год назад

100%. I find that this test does not take into account so many of the hallmarks that we find in the spectrum of narcissism. It especially does not seem to provide an adequate assessment for those with covert narcissism, who can seem vulnerable and self effacing and even feign empathy very well. The ‘narcissist’ I have experienced was this type, a very ‘covert communal narcissist’. Although not scoring particularly highly on this test, they had the hallmark patterns of narcissistic behaviour, including strong love bombing, devaluation, push pull behaviour, and brutal discard, lacking any empathy. Also, the hallmarks of not being able to self reflect, take accountability, and blame shifting and projecting their behaviour. They also didn’t seem to have any close friends and seemed to have a constant revolving door of friends. So many other traits. I think the covert types are the worst because they’re public persona is almost flawless and they appear to the outside world so kind, warm and generous. Yet to the person closest to them, they can have a total disregard for their feelings. Very cruel. Given the above patterns of behaviour, I’d expect them to fall on the ‘official narcissistic spectrum’ but the test does not seem to include these malignant traits. I would love to hear your and others’ views on this.

@ShortGard3nGnom3 Год назад

I totally agree with both comments. Something I heard here or maybe read in a book about covert narcissist, that sometimes the immediate family are the only ones that see that narcissism because the narcissist is so good at playing the part of a normal caring person to the outside world, it’s only us “special few” that get to see the real person. What’s more harmful, a grandiose one everyone can recognize of the insidiousness of the covert one…

@katiew681 Год назад

@@ShortGard3nGnom3 absolutely agree. And yes, I would think that the insidious covert types are far more damaging than the more obvious grandiose types. I have heard many professionals saying this is true.

@mindyl5990 11 месяцев назад

Agreed…according to this list my husband is not a narcissist but if you knew him like I or the kids do you would definitely define him as a narcissist. There is 0% chance he will ever get help bcs he sees nothing wrong with him. He blames everything on me. I blamed him for having his parents live with us. He asked me how that is his fault. *HE had them live with us!*. Oh…and my daughter needed stitches. That was my fault also bcs apparently I should have known better….accidents don’t happen it seems. (So basically I need to predict the future)…..husband has strong sense of revenge and punishment (how many times he blocked the cc or internet or phone service…)…and a major trait….RAGE…extreme rage over little tiny things like he lost a headphone or battery or even he just had a thought. Nothing happened…just a thought though. According to this video though he is not a narcissist and there is hope he can change…..both of which I disagree with. 10 years of marriage and nothing has ever been his fault. Every single fight either starts about me or it ends about me. What I have to change (never him)

@FriskyTendervittles Год назад

I’m going to need a questionnaire for VULNERABLE NARCISSISM LOL

@dummyaccount-ko1ph Год назад

Yes, please. Do a video for people trying to determine if the problem is them or their partner and whether or not they should end the relationship. I feel so weird coming back to the videos such as this every once in a while. I generally get the gut feeling but ignore it thinking maybe these are my own insecurities and the moment I see that the person is raging intensely, it gets serious. I think I need therapy myself where they will teach me the skills to trust myself enough and not wait for added validation

@Karamarika Год назад

I have noticed this problem a lot. People throw around the term "narcissist" without any real knowledge of what it means. My husband is a covert narcissist, and he has come to accept that reality now. He has a friend that is very much a narcissist as well, but more of the traditional overt type. That friend constantly accuses his own wife of being a narcissist. She isn't, though she has her own mental health issues. It's frustrating that he uses this term for her while being blind to his own narcissism. He scores through the roof on your test.

@theholisticwellnessschool8414 Год назад

I found that my narcissistic ex would throw that insult at me as he launched into episodes of devaluing me. The mood swings come from nowhere, very disconcerting, and then I'd find myself accused of all sorts of things. Very shocking behaviour and takes time to recover from.

@Aurenfaei 8 месяцев назад

@@theholisticwellnessschool8414 True, I have been in a one month relationship, with someone like this, and even tho I'm quite sturdy, didn't let the person treat me worse than her shit (+ perfect social image for events), it's still an horrible memory, that have left some traces. I can't even imagine what being in a long term relationship with someone acting like that would do, damages speaking. This is freaking sad, really...

@karinundbim Год назад

my husband is a 24. and i think i still love him after 37 years of marriage. but i feel sad, hopeless and fearful all the time and that is "heavy" 😢

@susanbrown2909 Год назад

Get out,don’t stay with people like tHt ..I’m going to be leaving my muck spreader asap.

@LaudauteDominum-er2mr Год назад

I'm so sorry. You are are trauma bonded. Get therapy for you.

@karenpeatey6226 Год назад

It’s trauma bond not heart flutter Your body has ptsd and you confusing it for pining This guy has a great iPod on it

@haileynichelle8343 Год назад

Check out Doctor Ramani, she is a licensed psychologist with great videos about narcissism

@sissysp8924 Год назад

2 3 2 3 3 2 3 2 3=23 my husband of 22 years. 3 years spiritual awakening for me. Not him I’m crazy so don’t talk to him about it. Didn’t realize he was till 2 years ago then started looking into why he didn’t have a spiritual awakening. Yes please video more about. ❤

@theholisticwellnessschool8414 Год назад

My ex got 100% in this test! I wish I'd listened to this video at the start of my relationship with him. Thank you Richard for this info 🙏

@elizabethrampton9346 Год назад

Good to hear this…… far too much use of ‘narcissist’ … it’s a very serious disorder, can’t be changed & causes terrible harm to those closest. Needs much better classification

@RICHARDGRANNON Год назад

Definitely, thank you for watching

@mr_scottjones Год назад

I figured out that my wife was what I believe to be a covert narcissist and didn't bother to look into handling them. 2 years after my discovery the discard happened totally screwed me over.wish I had dug deeper before

@mr_scottjones Год назад

15 years married.

@almiross1811 Год назад

For me 25 years in 😮

@mr_scottjones Год назад

@@almiross1811 that is rough. I hope it goes well for you

@ladydragonrider421 Год назад

For me it was 33 yrs. The problem with covert malignant narcissism is that they're so very good at hiding it or deflecting it onto you. It generally takes a long time to learn that what they're really hiding is something horrible and haunted that occurred as a small child they are too embarrassed to ever reveal. Don't take it personally. They are victims of hate and were never shown love and they spend their life not knowing what love is. They had it with you but they are full of hate, shame, and guilt as they betrayed and abused the one thing they want and need but can't ever be. When you realize this, it's just sad. Some people live in a world full of hate and misery. Some people live in a world of happiness and peace. Same world. Different brains. Vaknin also talks about how both partners are involved in mothering. You both are mothering each other. Only problem is you had a good one and they didn't so they go about everything all wrong and it destroys them, not you.

@amykostecki7789 Год назад

Thank you, this was very useful. I honestly answered and discovered my soon to be ex-husband is a 23. Your explanations helped a lot because I don’t feel he was always a 23. He was at that tendency to be a narcissist level when we met. He just kept making choices that dug him further and further into a hole that eventually led to the point of no return.

@beautifulspirit2973 Год назад

My ex A compulsive liar A cheat Cruel Selfish Over inflated ego I’ve just typed this before listening to the rest of the video … Grandiose ☑️ Fantasies ☑️ Other special people ☑️ yep I’m a musician Admiration ☑️ Entitlement ☑️ Exploitative ☑️ Arrogant ☑️ Lack of empathy big time ☑️ LUCKY ESCAPE

@debbiefarrar7356 Год назад

Great video Richard I got score of 27 My last relationship l left him 3 years ago. All the stress from the way he was caused a stroke. I had to flee the relationship. I didn’t know what a narcissist was until just before l left him. A friend pointed it out, l had to google the word narcissist. My whole life l was married to one as well. Also worked out my mother is one as well. So bought up with no love and being criticised all the time my childhood was terrible and l bought up my brothers and sister as my mother had no love for us at all. Today she is still the same. I went through a terrible marriage with being abused and put in hospital with physical abuse as well. All this has made me unwell, trauma etc. Now l live on my own and lost everything l worked hard for. Thankful to be alive and my sons love me as we fled and lost everything and l worked so hard all my life. Now my sons have nothing to do with their father As l said glad yo be alive as husband threatened to take our life’s Good on my own healing for a better life

@olbe147 Год назад

They say only 0.5 pct of people have npd. Your experience - and mine - point towards much, much more.

@saramckee6611 Год назад

Scored 3 on every question and could offer multiple examples more than I care to think of because the thought of recalling these memories is repulsive

@Elsa_fr Год назад

26 🙄 But I'm not surprised, I had done the american test and scored very high too. This relationship has left me psychologically and emotionally completely confused and tired. It's as though I went through a tornado or rather, a tornado went through me and there was no warning about it coming. And I only knew it was a tornado once I got out of it. Once you stop seeing him or her, once the eerie music stops playing in the background, you realize what you've been feeling, what you've been ok doing or being done to you, and what he said and did, was very bizarre, very morbid, dark. And you find that you are sick with his world, with his obsessions and contradictions. Fortunately I have my work that keeps very busy. If I didn't, and despite the support of my family, I don't know how I could hold on. I suppose I would in some way, but poorly, very poorly. Thank you ugly workplace. Sorry for the long message.

@Red_1976 Год назад

Loving the clarity in this video. Very specific information which is useful. Thank you 🙏

@clarissecoventry5425 Год назад

All the years of study you have and going from hour long videos to 10 minutes! Brilliant! Always love your videos!

@CK-wu9vd Год назад

Wow! Thank you for making this comprehensive test! I'm a survivor and I struggle with noticing the small NPD traits in others. It makes me want to hide away honestly. This definitely helped put things into perspective.

@lpgirlsailer8144 Год назад

Hi Richard. This was an amazing video as always. I believe this was the easiest layman's term video. Your counsel has been immense in my healing. Meeting you in Liverpool allowed me to truly find myself and begin again. Today I'm still upright and going forward. The question of was it me or him, surfaces the odd time. I would greatly appreciate the video on that subject. If its clear as this video, it may be the final puzzle piece. Thank-you. Thank-you 😊 . You have been such a blessing in my life.

@sheilamc3420 Год назад

Richard, thank you for putting this together! It is the smartest, easiest way I have seen to figure this out. Gold.

@christinecooper4256 Год назад

Very helpful, thank you. Gave me that little bit of extra closure to remind myself that staying No Contact is the right move.

@recoverychannel657 Год назад

It was very interesting to have this explained Richard. Mine scored 23. Having it explained in 'boxed' terms made it easy to score from 7 years I spent with this person and a lot of observation that at the time, I had no idea what I was dealing with.. Like a lot of us after the discard.. the word narcissist was taught to me through googling a few words and bingo.. the horrid story unfolded through thankfully people like you making exceptional content/education for people like me who need to be taught, validated and when you are at the loneliest saddest point of your life.. knowing there is a community of others, really does help. Thanks for the videos.

@hibbertsh 11 месяцев назад

Very useful, this individual scored high as I knew he would I have gone no contact and am rid of this toxic person... Happy days!

@elleniandersongrey8367 Год назад

Thank you Richard for this video - very useful. Yes we would welcome a diagnostic tool mentioned.

@claryfray5791 Год назад

Very useful. The score was 23 and this person is a co-worker. As much as the mental attacks are wearing me it’s the emotional and spiritual attacks that are next level. Appreciate this channel and videos.

@johnandersson8258 Год назад

Congrats to half a million subscribers! Well deserved :) To be fair, these traits aren’t of equal importance. Not the least since they only, or at least mostly, account for grandiose presentations of narcissism, which even most psychologists nowadays agree isn’t the only kind of npd. In my case, and I don’t overuse this label, I was in a relation with a person who was ready to let all hell break loose over details, alternatively just simply wouldn’t speak to me for days or up to weeks at the first sign of questioning anything they did. Which makes it reasonable to assume a false self and basically every narcissistic defence in the book to keep appearances up. And everything was of course my fault. (There were, of course, other indicators as well.) Listening to actual Npd:s like The Nameless Narcissist and Cluster B Milkshake here on RU-vid makes it easier to understand what it means and how it plays out in actual life, because the DSM criteria are so general, so abstract, that they can make anyone doubt. But with real world examples it was, at least in my case, pot on.

@paulwaterhouse801 Год назад

I absoloutly agree 100% that these traits refer to a more grandiose type of narc. My wife is fuckin evil! And on Dr Grande's list my wife hit 9 out of ten. Richard is a brilliant teacher and I recommend him to others but Im dissapointed with this list as it 'does' make you doubt what you have already settled for by accounts of many other teachers.

@michellejones8320 Год назад

I agree that this list relates to the grandiose type and not so much to the covert.

@barbmack2384 Год назад

Thank you for this video, it was fantastic..... my former I viewed of having some of the traits, not clinically NPD, but behaviors similar enough that were deal breakers for me and now that almost 2 years out of the relationship, can look back and see things I didn't at the time. I scored him as an 18. A very nasty man verbally when things didn't go his way. With watching your videos and a couple others .... taking a good look at myself, I now have total inner peace,..... the best I have been in years.... not just a survivor, but thriving post the relationship ..... thanks again for all the work and insight you provide 🙂

@kaalba5529 Год назад

Wow excellent. The term “narcissist” has become one of the latest overused and misused darlings in pop-culture speak. It gets tossed around too casually. Even so it’s great to see so many people digging in to the literature and trying to learn as much as they can about this as we all aim towards better self-awareness, better understanding of others and ultimately better relationships. Bravo Richard Grannon, thank you.

@naomis3141 Год назад

Yes yes yes yes and yes ! Thankful for Drs and counsellors we saw together as they were able to help me heal and see that he is definitely a narcissist (and would be diagnosed as such if he would go to see Drs regarding his issues - as most NPDs he believes he is perfect and doesn’t need to work on himself through counselling ) and his abuse no longer has an impact on me. I didn’t know the meaning of the word narcissist until the Drs defined it for me by using examples of my exes behaviours and the abuse he put me through. He was very good at disguising his true self and definitely uses, manipulates , and discards people and is always concerned about his image with nothing good to say about anyone except those who he is benefitting from . I am very grateful for the Drs help and videos like this ! They helped in so many ways to realize what the abuse looks like as it wasn’t always physical but he did that too . I am grateful to be living abuse free now

@karinfend2980 10 месяцев назад

This video was VERY useful. Thank you so much Mr Grannon. 12 years ago I saved myself and my then 2-year-old daughter escaping from heavy narcisstic abuse by my partner/her father involving violence. It took years. with therapy, legal support and often sheer will to survive. Even with a solid professional diagnose of the narc father is was difficult to leave, because the (false) feeling of guilt is deep. I happened to overcome it and raise my child quite well Now my daughter is old enough to ask a lot of questions. Your Videos help so much! The therapists who helped on the way always pointed out that narcisstic abuse goes a long way and awareness with fairness has to be learned in any following relationship. You remind me of their kindness and responsibility.

@cl2976 Год назад

Would absolutely love to see a video on whether it’s them or me. And diagnosis on whether to stay or leave. Started doing your course with great content following listening to your amazing book. Probably one of the best books I’ve come across. 🙏🏼

@TheVerbalAssassinFAFO Год назад

Are you being abused in any way? Leave. You're here on this video. LEAVE. I don't know what a "diagnosis" of whether you should leave would entail, other than the above questions and your affirmative answers to them.

@ta_nimal2023 Год назад

To stay or leave and how to do so safely is a serious topic that may be out of the scope of any youtube channel content. The maker of course of course can not and does not know your exact circumstances... though these resources can inform your decisions.

@thesouluniversal 10 месяцев назад

A general rule of thumb is if its more bad than good, longterm, leave. If youre seeing a worsening of your mental health in the relationship, leave. Either way you have to own that decision entirely. Sometimes its not a decision so much as self-preservation, survival. Research the gamut of cluster Bs and codependency with regards to your partner and yourself. Good luck.

@melp8616 Год назад

Thank you Richard! Your videos are very helpful as we navigate this narcissistic personality disorder.

@samwalker3660 Год назад

Great video!! Thank you for delivering the information in a short video, as I usually slip the 1 or 2 hr vids.

@mrard1 Год назад

Thanks again for making videos like this. I’d love a video on if I’m the problem, part of the problem or if I’m being scapegoated. I’m told the fact that I’m willing to explore myself in this way means I’m not a narcissist but maybe I’m missing something.

@silkesauritz7690 Год назад

Hi Richard, thank you for this one. Very useful. A bit difficult, when dealing with a more covert type, but I think I did ok. Score 17. Also useful to identify narcissistic traits in myself. Video on the should I stay or should I go question would be very welcome 🙏🏻

@katiew681 Год назад

Yes, I find that this test does not take into account so many of the hallmarks that we find in the spectrum of narcissism. It especially does not seem to provide an adequate assessment for those with covert narcissism, who can seem vulnerable and self effacing and even feign empathy very well. The ‘narcissist’ I have experienced was this type, a very ‘covert communal narcissist’. Although not scoring particularly highly on this test, they had the hallmark patterns of narcissistic behaviour, including strong love bombing, devaluation, push pull behaviour, and brutal discard, lacking any empathy. Also, the hallmarks of not being able to self reflect, take accountability, and blame shifting and projecting their behaviour. They also didn’t seem to have any close friends and seemed to have a constant revolving door of friends. So many other traits. I think the covert types are the worst because they’re public persona is almost flawless and they appear to the outside world so kind, warm and generous. Yet to the person closest to them, they can have a total disregard for their feelings. Very cruel. Given the above patterns of behaviour, I’d expect them to fall on the ‘official narcissistic spectrum’ but the test does not seem to include these malignant traits. I would love to hear your and others’ views on this.

@michaelb7740 Год назад

thanks for this video. now we know and can safely continue with our healthy lives. As you said in one of your previous vids, it is not good to root too much in this subject, then you can get sick yourself. I myself encountered such a cluster b individual but quickly realized that something was wrong as you also said that you should take the game to them and reflect their actions. That is exactly what I did. alternatively just walk away and on. they destroy themselves in the end.

@jodykostner7138 Год назад

Great video - I gave my bf a score of 18. I've noticed that as I've become more emotionally mature to hold my own boundaries and articulate them (without drama or defensiveness) I've really seen myself taking the lead in our relationship the past 4 years. He's grown a LOT in his empathy, he's a bit less entitled and demanding of others and sees the burden he can create on others in these areas. I'VE become MORE demanding of him and grown in my own entitlement and he responds really well to it. Almost like he's been waiting for me to do this (we've been together 17 years and I have a more caregiving personality style). I really like that your videos give words to dynamics I've experienced. Keep making these videos, I think they are the change that's needed in the world of emotional awareness!

@zin6730 Год назад

You give me hope that the narcissistic style can eventually change... I have lived through hell and back with my bf and countless sometimes his violent reactions I have remained steadfast and put as much boundaries as possible. He seems a bit less reactive lately and more listening. Now it could be an act. But am willing to continue the work and see where it goes. Hoping for the best. Am glad I stumbled upon your comments ❤❤

@chrismarley3536 Год назад

The numerical time stamp you provide below the video is PHENOMENAL! Thanks! Yes. We have verified she's definitely a narcissist even before this video but wanted to see this video anyway to check what your input

@RICHARDGRANNON Год назад

Thank you for sharing, glad you gained value from the video 😎

@angelsareout1822 Год назад

I respect you for making this clear. It is true that the term is being rather loosely applied and laughingly by many narcs accusing others. It is thankfully a relief.What do you do when it is family, it is so difficult. Plus, when you are around a hardcore narc for many years, you WILL pick up their traits. I used to say to myself before I was self aware of all of this " ah, I was taught by the best on this game, YOU", meaning my narc partner.

@cathyh1680 Год назад

An important thing to note about evaluating with the diagnostic criteria is that these criteria have to exist as ongoing over time for it to actually apply as a real trait, not just observed in one instance without considering the context. Like a person who would not normally talk up front about themselves and what they are about but decide to set people straight from the beginning or start to after being consistently falsely sterotyped because of looks, nationality, religion etc. , so for a legitimate reason. Or practising for a job interview where they will have to cite their achievements, and someone listening says that makes them a narcisist - no, it doesn't, and some occupations call for a behaviour which the person has to consciously conduct, like lecturing as an expert as their job, but they wouldn't otherwise behave that way. In that situation they actually do know more about it than everyone in the room and they are supposed to in that context.

@joannaericksen7728 Год назад

Thank you. This was extremely helpful. I would score my ex around the 22 mark when answering your criteria. This was because I was privy to comments he made privately throughout the decade we shared. Other people would not be seeing this and he hid how he really felt, most of the time. I was fooled for the entire decade, it was only after I left that I woke up to how I’d been manipulated and controlled. Eg. most of his friends would say he’s a humble man, I know the anger and frustration he felt because nobody recognised his ‘amazing’ true talent. He would be really angry when work colleagues did not recognise his abilities or talents, or follow his advice without question. A couple of his friends have seen it and know. Interestingly they still love and support him, but know how to maintain the boundaries necessary. As a wife I couldn’t maintain these boundaries and had to leave for the sake of regaining myself. Important work relationships almost always fell apart, after being ‘amazing’ initially. Hmm, so thankful I am apart from him and healing, learning and understanding what happened. So much self condemnation initially, but now freedom and self love is on the horizon. ❤

@clairexxx0405 Год назад

Thank you for this, helped clarify what I already thought, been listening to you're book on audible finding I relate to a lot of things, I have a lot of guilt with getting involved with the destructive relationships I have especially since losing my little boy, I am trying to work through the law of averages not everything can be all my fault as I've been told from a very young age... Thank you for all you're helpful insights and sharing you're experiences Richard, it helps a lot 🤗

@dianec.3818 Год назад

Well said ! Makes total sence and very useful info. Yes to all and removed myself from relationship. Lots of self work followed! Thank you !!

@robertm.-certifieddaytrade4939 Год назад

Most of the people I EVER attracted were narcissistic! Of course I myself being an empath, super generous and sensitive, I am a MAGNET for these types. Narcissistic people SEEK ME OUT, simply because USERS need US in order to “USE”, without us, who could they take ADVANTAGE OF...?

@erismana2105 Год назад

It's not that you're a empath. ( most people are) it's that you had boundary issues and past issues not dealt with.

@robertm.-certifieddaytrade4939 Год назад

@@erismana2105 Could be....

@BrolyPowerMaximum Год назад

I don’t wanna project onto you, but I think I wound up interacting a lot with these types of people because I was go with the flow and people pleasing and if you operate that way, what’s going to happen is somebody who has a “use” for you is going to show up eventually, and you were probably going to mistake that for love or friendship. They see you as a SOMETHING that’s function will give them something that they want, not as SOMEONE they would ride or die with. But that’s just my experience from where I had to grow and allow lesser parts of myself fade away.

@robertm.-certifieddaytrade4939 Год назад

@@BrolyPowerMaximum I TOTALLY AGREE with your assessment! I was raised in a single parent household and my mother was emotionally and psychologically UNAVAILABLE. As a result, I had the THIRST for SOULFUL connection as an adult. A very dangerous mental state to be in, especially with SO MANY predatory women out there! They all BLED me DRY, and then discarded me like a USED UP WASHCLOTH!!! A heart broken to pieces, but at least I have the Stories to recount...

@angelinaholyer3649 Год назад

Thank you Richard. A list of toxic traits would be useful too. Also, perhaps a list of healthy and mature traits. It should be obvious but it's often difficult for me to tell the difference between performance and genuine healthy character.

@KasiaJangMiMalinowa Год назад

Hi. There were "ancient days", where "toxic traits" were called just "sins" ( and there's a list of 7 deadly sins, of course the most significant ones), and "healthy and mature traits" were called just "virtues". I hope these "ancient days" will come back soon...

@lovepeace2137 Год назад

@@KasiaJangMiMalinowa I agree. Stand firm on truth, evil can't handle the truth. And the truth is, GOoD wins, won, rules!

@familiamckenziefriend1130 Год назад

I found this on Quora and thought it was useful in terms of toxic behaviours: What are the signs you're in a relationship with a narcissist? They cannot stay consistent. You’re talking days of them acting like a normal ‘functioning partner’ before their ultimate selfish ways rear their ugly head. Their actions do not align to what they say they will change (back to the irrational OTT, worst disrespect you’ve ever known behaviour) Purposeful silent treatments, and do not be mistaken, this IS done intentionally. A control mechanism. Absolutely disgraceful and torture. (But they know this) Mummy issues or trying to emulate a parent or secretly hate the parent, normally still controlled by the narcissist Mother. Cannot or do not want to have a adult conversation as a couple, stay quiet, start a meaningless conversation not even relevant to what you originally brought up or just walk out. Withhold affection/sex. Act differently outside of the home, charming, easygoing, level. Cannot open up or share feelings Be secretly envious of your personality or accomplishments for eg. Stab you in the back

@ddean1420 Год назад

Yes,yes,yes, yes,yes, yes,and yes! I started out thinking it was a garden variety npd, but as l gained insight l began to spot what appears to be bpd, with overlapping cluster b stew just to keep it interesting. Really grateful for your work 🙌

@carahenken4452 Год назад

The easiest one to spot for me was the lack of empathy, and not caring about others. For me, I just knew there was something not right with my ex, and this test definitely confirmed it!

@michaelhowington4205 Год назад

Why would you date someone who has zero empathy?

@oliverbird6914 Год назад

This is fantastic and slightly worrying!!

@amandan2395 Год назад

Hunnie you are gorgeous 😍 and I'm so glad I found you after living with a narcissist husband now x husband and its now my time to recover x

@techsearching5862 Год назад

Thank you so much for this clarification on how to scale NPD traits!

@tinyproject6388 Год назад

My narc just scored 24P. Nothing new... I am more than fair. Thank U Richard

@dianaquill9969 Год назад

I'm commenting again for the algorithm, thanks for the amazing video!

@RICHARDGRANNON Год назад

Thank you 😎

@CraftEccentricity Месяц назад

Wow! I almost feel this encompasses a lot of the generation raised on Social Media.

@ginaadcock4836 Год назад

Yes please, another video if it's you or them. It would be amazing 😍

@paintedtorso Год назад

Yes please Richard, I'd appreciate that video!

@penniboo5818 Год назад

Thank you Richard. This simple way to measure for npd is very useful. I'd like you to post a video on should I break up with said person... back up for setting bounderies.. what's acceptable ect Something I've struggled with in relationships

@beatrice349 Год назад

Thank you for focusing on the nine traits for clarity. The Jekyll and Hyde aspect (sometimes they seem truly kind, hurt, angelic etc) of the narcissistic personality is very confusing. Could you shed some light on that?

@ciaomamabella Год назад

Sounds like a COVERT narc. 2 types, very different but with the same internal monologue. Google it!❤

@Swakara1 Год назад

The Dr, Jekyll and Mr Hyde aspect sounds more like a borderline personality disorder.

@beatrice349 Год назад

Thank you for your input. I did see other borderline characteristics too.

@denisaadamcova3591 Год назад

Yes please, do the video you proposed! And thanks for your work

@helenvelez8750 Год назад

BRAVO!!! Excellent Accurate Adviser/Life Coach ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

@alicej.6068 Год назад

Gave me a lot of clarity and validation. It makes a difference to really go through each trait. 25 points for my ex.

@evagrimaldi6524 Год назад

Richard can you talk about how to handle and have a responsable perspective about becoming a "mini narcissist " for being too close to a person who at least have highly narcissistic traits? And how to deal properly with the consequences of behaving in that way (like end up breaking sane healthy relationships) without blaming or raging at this narcissistic person for it or at us?

@thalia2584 Год назад

Great , i didn't need this test because i live it but I didn't realise it would be at the highest number. No wonder ive been so stuck. But yes unfortunately the term narcissistic has become popular so I can see how people are over using it and then it downplays what it really means. This is happening with so many terms these dayz. Stay strong and much Love.

@saraeaves8986 Год назад

Would definitely appreciate a should I stay or go video. Thank you Richard ❤

@rosebud93 Год назад

Looking forward to this. Me and my partner

@user-nf7lq4oh3r 7 месяцев назад

Should've run this test 20 years ago. Thank you

@CosmicHazeTarot1111 Год назад

Helpful, saw some of the traits in myself, that I need to work on, that only show themselves in emotional relationships, defo learned behaviour from my mother. As for my ex I really have no idea, all I know is he was cunning, lying, manipulative, subtle to the point it was chilling, absolutely no empathy, charming, he portrayed low self-esteem, not good enough but I always had doubts about this, I feel it was for me to there there him. loathed authority of any description, didnt care about breaking rules like he was above any laws. obsessive sexual fantasies, the oh-so-subtle signs of contempt. 13-year relationship I have no idea who I was dealing with, on the few times i questioned him, he would say he was 'mental' and the most chilling thing he ever said was, youre the only person that came close to knowing the real me 🤦‍♀he showed no anger no rage in fact outwardly he was emotionless, it gives me chills just to recall my relationship with him 😥

@VReyesMusic Год назад

1. Grandiose - 3 2. Fantasy or Idealized Love - 3 3. Believes they are special and above others - 3 4. Requires Excessive Admiration - 3 5. Entitlement - 3 6. Interpersonal Exploitation - 3 7. Lacks empathy - 3 8. Jealous/envious - 2 9. Arrogant, bullying, dismissive, talks down to others - 3 Score: 26 🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯

@annitasordelli9480 Год назад

SAME!!! I’m not sure whether to cry or not 😔

@LaudauteDominum-er2mr Год назад

Yep. Sad.

@y.maxineallbritton3118 Год назад

Good day, Richard. Thank you for sharing your personal experiences, as it adds so much to your professional advice. In addition to your personal stories, your sense of humor about them, and life in general, demonstrates your realistic views and that you've actually gone through it and healed from it!!! ( in opposition to "the others" who claim they know of what they speak.)

@RICHARDGRANNON Год назад

Thank you for watching 😎

@y.maxineallbritton3118 Год назад

😉

@emmelinetaptiklis7688 Год назад

Yup, would like that video!

@karenriley7255 Год назад

Thank you for the clarification 👍

@ThePossumone Год назад

Traits yes are very common and sometimes we are in that category so have to be aware !!

@chriscarpenter9155 Год назад

Thank you for this enlightining information!

@deeempath220 Год назад

27 for the score! How can i go wrong with a 25 years of absolute suffering! Sad part is the late discovery of the the person with NPD😞 I did not know there’s such

@LaudauteDominum-er2mr Год назад

I'm sorry. You can go to therapy to deal with living with one. There are books as well on how to communicate with one.

@jo-annebalchin3539 Год назад

Very helpful. Made it clear 🙏

@elissagarduno1454 Год назад

After 9 years of hell, my ex was professionally diagnosed with NPD. I find the term slung around so easily, with so many unaware of the actual damage true narcissists cause. It's frustrating because of the way the overuse of the term means something different to everyone and it spreads misinformation and then it's right in front of someone, but they don't know what they're looking at, much less how to find the exit. I thought to do this quiz out of curiosity, to put a number to the severity of my ex's narcissism. I paused after every point and recalled AT LEAST 3-5 different instances before giving an answer. Score of 27. Have to say, it's spot on. Get this out there!

@CFChristian Год назад

Very useful. I agree, the term is too commonly used as a catch-all for people you can't seem to get along with, no matter what. "Narcissist" is the new "epic". Sooner or later it loses all meaning.

@jsbrecovered9496 Год назад

My sister is a 27. So easy. And of course i am the one with depression, nervous breakdown- so that means i am always the problem. Except not anymore. No contact now - but need tons of therapy. Lol! Its ok i have a fabulous counselor.

@stvnslas Год назад

Wow! my so called "partner" of 10 years, now once again my ex - and hopefully for the last time - scored 25 on this test. Wish I had read it a decade ago. I always thought there was hope for him, for us - but now it's crystal clear there never was. Thank you - a very useful tool.

@crob2636 Год назад

She was yes for all the points. When she couldn’t answer all the doubt ful queries and she said I am jealous she realize she should get out of relationship rather then fixing it..😊

@woodenleaves Год назад

How it is that a parent exibits most of these traits to one child, and not to another? How to deal with that? Just to accept the parent doesn't like one child over the other?

@tracywilliams9419 Год назад

My ex scored 24....i'm not surprised 😅 i've learned alot over the years from you and Sam 🙂

@khayriyyaamatullah7186 11 месяцев назад

This was a very useful exercise thank you

@ivareis2814 Год назад

So.... mind blowing for me My mother, my first husband, my second husband, all score 23. But it was with the last one that i was more confuse... i have managed with the help of videos like this to be able to be indiferent in my cuore to their attitudes. Once again Tank You❤🙏

@integroprofessionals6769 10 месяцев назад

My ex is a 22 and im a 14. I can see how it can get confusing on determining what to focus on. If healing from trauma or dealing with your own faults. At the end of it it all comes down to healing your emotional injuries to be a better person. This journey learning about narcissism has not only allowed me to help me heal from discard. But also self reflect in my own acrions and behaviors that were causing pain to others. Thanks for this 🙏

@AlinaMilaya Год назад

But the problem is, most of them are nicely hiding their narc’c traits…

@N1S4444 Год назад

That question is it me or them is tricky. I first came across Richard’s videos because I was having a breakdown and wanted to know if the abuse was really all in my head. I learned that it is abuse but, I was making it worse. My obsessive need to fawn because I thought it would lower the explosive rage was simply manipulation. It was conditioned to believe that since I was the cause I could stop the rage. All I truly was doing was enabling him. Once I woke up and said this isn’t LOVE this is not normal I stopped being an enabler.

@the_veronica_k Год назад

Holy F**K. A perfect 9 out of 9 for my (now) ex of 1 week narc. Every single trait is not only present, but is to the high to extreme level. I have educated myself online for 12+ months now and looked at every trait over and over several times. But it’s been about 3 or 4 months since I last specifically went through the traits as a list, and it always blows my mind that he’s a perfect 27/27. Perhaps I could remove 1 point cos he doesn’t often demonstrate envy of others, but then on the flip side he believes EVERYONE is out to get him cos they are so envious and/or jealous of who he is, what he has, what he does. He’s called me a narcissist a handful of times (mainly just to throw it back at me, I believe), but when I went through the list of every traits with him as per the DSM-5, not one item described who I am as a person…and he couldn’t identify those traits with me either. So, of course, he just cut me off when I finished the list and told me that I never own my shit…so I again explain how I’ve apologised for the same thing at least a dozen times (errr…gaslighting much?!) and have been mindful to never repeat the mistake…..and round n round we go on the insane train. The thing that drives me completely crazy is that no matter how predictable his behaviour and cycle is, it always hurts just as much and is frustrating as all hell…yet I already know what to expect. Somehow the predictable cycle always manages to leave me more hurt, more broken, more frustrated, more infuriated.