Former Police Officer Opens Up About his PTSD 

Thank you so much for all of the support you have provided me with over the past months. You have changed my life. There is exclusive content on my Patreon, it’s a great place to send me any questions and any help goes a long way to producing these videos: www.patreon.com/benpearson My book "Handcuffed Emotions: A Police Interceptor's Drive Into Darkness" available now: amzn.to/3vGZvis

As a trainee counsellor and a human being, this account is absolutely eye opening. You sir are so bloody strong and incredibly inspirational. You are not letting this pin you down and beat you. Even slow progress is progress - you are obviously moving in the right direction. Never lose sight of how far you’ve come - and how far you will go! ❤️

I'll never know why people flock to famous people like the Kardashians when we have real hero's like Ben, such an inspiration. Keep up the good work mate!

Teared up at the “I can’t see the future, but the next 40 minutes looks bright”! My father has PTSD and I have struggled with mental health and as long as those 40 minutes are bright that’s enough! Look for little wins and soon you overcome it. To quote my dad “life is shit, but it’s the little wins that make it worthwhile”

PTSD seems to hit the strongest people the hardest. When it’s overlaid with fight or flight triggers, that is totally debilitating. Literally destroying years of life for a previously happy successful person. The sad thing is, you don’t realise it’s PTSD unless someone points it out. Total respect to you for talking about your experiences, which is one of the hardest things to do.

The comment about being in the shower to think about suicide then to think of how to overcome that is something similar to what I do in the morning.. Sending best wishes Ben, keep smashing that ptsd into submission.

Bless you mate, your helping soo many different people by doing this.

I'm so glad Ben found an outlet in YT, I think he's so brave talking about his battle with mental health. He is blessed in having a partner who clearly loves and understand him, keep writing those post it notes Mrs x

Ben, you have such a supportive wife! She sounds like an amazing woman. As a fellow sufferer, I know the importance of having a strong and supportive partner. These people are the true heroes!!!

The thinking of suicide and the thoughts that then combat them has just given me the goose bumps that only comes from someone who knows exactly how that feels. And the later thoughts have ultimately (thank god) been my saviour. Thank you Ben for constantly making me feel more normal 🙂👍 All the best as ever mate.

Big up to Ben For sharing it and not bottling up And share his experience Not only that He gives advice

Lots of respect to you Ben. Like yourself, I am a retired police officer who was medically discharged in 1994 with PTSD having been severely assaulted, where the person concerned was charged with attempted murder. Absolutely no help given to me by the force I worked for despite asking for same. All my help has been self taught via books by those who deal with PTSD and our wonderful NHS who I cannot fault at all. As society gets more fractured and people of various persuasions war with each other,guess what PTSD is going to be on the rise

Night terrors combined with sleep deprivation - the worst thing I experienced after a handful of bad jobs in close succession as a paramedic. The strength you show in talking about this is incredible Ben!!!

"I don't smell and taste blood as much as I used to". I have my ups and downs, but the next time I'm struggling I'm going to remember that line. Keep grafting - you're doing so much good.

Hi Ben you explain PTSD in ways I can't so I get my wife to watch you to understand more of what I am going through with that and anxiety. I am a serving dog handler and relate to everything you chat about love these vlogs keep up the good work 👏

Hi Ben, hope your day has gone well for you today. I have been diagnosed with complexed PTSD and what you have said there in 15 minutes i HONESTLY hand on heart understand about 95% of that but I don't know how to explain it myself after 5 years of living a nightmare life some kind of sense now makes sense. I probably know that will make sense to you. THANKS FOR SHARING YOUR THOUGHTS AND YOUR STORY.. all the best for the future...

Although I don’t have PTSD myself, I can relate to needing the energy (mentally) to get out of bed from time to time. I sometimes feel like I wish the world would go away when I’m in bed and not wanting to wake up at times ❤️

I recognise so much myself, I have CPTSD, my sister leaves snottograms out for me too, my bedroom is always a mess in the morning and I get through lots of duvets and pillows, always covered in sweat and blood in the morning. I do the shower thing myself, I have a cat now, and looking after it has helped. You are so lucky you have a partner, I am doing it all on my own and without medication. Coping mechanisms I can share in private, drink and drugs are a no no. One I can share is a commentary drive in the car, it helps my head so much. Good luck you are a great bloke.

I never really comment on anything, I just watch in the background but after seeing your honesty, vulnerability and passion, I just have to say that what you are doing is amazing. I watch all your videos (football hooligans is my favourite!) and I am reading your book. Thank you for sharing your experiences and I look forward to anything and everything else you do.

Night terrors are terrifying, you truly feel like you're going to die. The daily battle to overcome that desire to hide away in bed, put your feet on the ground and start your day is so hard to describe to people who've never experienced it. Thank you for explaining it so succinctly Ben, you are doing awesome!

That anxiety mind fog is something I never knew existed, until I got sick the summer before last. Mine came on for a strange reason. After years of abusing my mind and body with booze, shit food, lack of exercise and what not, I started exercising loads and living cleanly, but got so into it I lost four stone in 12 weeks and something just snapped (I have quite a bit of trauma from stuff that’s happened in my past) and I can remember standing in the supermarket, and I couldn’t remember a single thing I needed. Nothing. Just a blank Called the doctor out; finally (I lived in malta at the time, and private meant they would come to work). And she checked my blood pressure and, despite outwardly being the healthiest I’d been in years. Target weight and very fit, my blood pressure was 180/120. Her face dropped like a stone and she sent me straight to hospital. Two years later and I have some kind of anxiety linked to blood sugar, is the best way I’ve managed to understand it. But it’s not a “mental” anxiety in so much as I’m consciously depressed or even worried. I’m the happiest I’ve been in years (still have nightmares etc). But unless I regularly exercise, and don’t go more than a few hours without eating something small, I get pounding headaches and my memory goes to shit. Sorry for over sharing. I doubt anybody will ever see this. But it does help me, watching your channel. Knowing that these things are very real and not a figment of my imagination.

Do you know what... I watched your first video and realised for myself that something wasn't right "The job that broke me" I was poorly. This was a couple of months ago. I've been exposed to RTC trauma for the past 14 years of my life, bearing in mind I'm only 33 now. I was young. So... I have mental health issues, OCD, PTSD. Councilling... Medication... I can't quite grasp everything that goes on in my head, especially when I go to sleep at night. I spoke out and realised ALOT of people are dealing with anxiety and depression, myself being one of them. Your words and life talk to me Ben, on my journey, I'm a little bit behind. I find comfort in your advice. I just need to find it for myself

You are amazing; what you’re doing via this channel is equally so. My brother served in armed forces and has PTSD. I’ve suffered personal loss of a partner who committed suicide because of his mental health and PTSD. I have seen both ends of fighting and losing the battle. Thank you for educating, for caring and being compassionate.

It takes a strong person to open up about their mental health. By you Sharing your struggles with PTSD so many there are so many who can gain from your story. I am so sorry you are having to go through this. Thankful you have the support of your family and friends. Your partner is a great asset for you. Thank you so much for sharing. It helps me to understand more about PTSD.

This is a great RU-vid Channel. I am fortunate enough not to have had an actual mental health issue but I know people who have and people who are sadly no longer with us but this is a great reminder that mental health issues can affect anyone at anytime. Don't stop educating people on this and reminding us how important it is.

The shopping experience is the most relative thing I’ve ever heard in a long time, from a fellow sufferer for many years you’re doing amazing mate, busy mind always helps me but doesn’t solve the issue. Thankyou for being so open ❤️

I wish the reasons in my life for living outweighed the reason not to.... Everyday is a struggle....Depression and other forms of mental health can be more debilitating than a physical disability. I fully understand where Ben is coming from, and often you take each minute, hour and day at a time. I wish I had the motivation to wash the car, or do something more positive than crawling out of bed to escape through RU-vid videos each day... but then I wouldn't have come across Bens channel... and then you realise that your not alone and others have their struggles.... And then you see how much his channel has grown, almost 53,000 followers.... and how much everyone's support has helped him, and his comments inspire me to carry on, and deal with whatever life throws at me... Ben you are inspirational to a lot of us... It takes balls to open up the way you have.

Dude your a legend. I personally find that the people to delete, block or blank you when they find out about your struggle with mental health is struggling themselves and are afraid they will be found out. If your ever doing a trip to Ireland on the motorbike let me know we have a small social group of fellow emergency service personnel from all agency's who do random spins on the bikes your more than welcome to tag along. Stay strong man better days ahead.

Ben, you are a massive inspiration to all those who are as struggling with mental health issues. Being ex military, I see mental illness in our veterans and serving members weekly. May your battles be short and your war nearly won. stay strong by lad, thank you for your openness and honesty and brilliant videos.👍

Without a doubt, this channel is helping a lot of people. I don't suffer from mental health personally, but I do get down now and again. You have this uncanny knack of giving me a kick up the arse and telling me to get a grip. It works 👍

Honestly cannot explain how much respect I have for you Ben. Talking about mental illness and explaining about your back pack etc is helping me understand myself at the minute. I know it’s not the same but I’m currently going through a very surprising divorce with my wife. We have a disabled son together and have been through so much together in the past 7 years our separation has just broken me. Up until now in my life I’ve been able to shrug things off and deal with the day to day going’s on (I.e work, caring for our son etc) and put whatever’s bothering me to the back of my mind when needed, but not this, this situation has completely consumed me and has been doing for the past three months. Listening to you talk and your I just want to say thank you Ben. You really are an inspiration for the work you are doing now, and all the work you did whilst in the police force.

Bless you, you are such a strong person talking about this x

Me and my dad would watch interceptors all the time every episode. You was a inspiration to me when I was younger, loved watching you on interceptors. I have applied to be in the police because of you and the rest of the people who do programs like interceptors. Legend, stay strong.

Im still watching this most days to remind me x ben you lot have helped me so much x

Ben, well done on everyday. This whole series is so inspiring

Thank you for posting this Ben.

Thank you for sharing, thank you for being so open and honest , thank you 🙏

Good on you for sharing this

Thank you for sharing your thoughts Ben. I truly appreciate it, and hope you can get better and heal

Well done Ben on ur videos u are helping so many people , I’m so glad ur taking the baby steps to reach ur goals on recovery xx

Thank you for sharing this, there's so much I can relate to and it helps to know that we're not alone in dealing with these things. Wishing you good health and happiness x

You are an inspiration Ben, thank you dearly for speaking about this.

Shame on the 6 people who gave it a 👎 Clearly the 6 people have no empathy for anyone else but there selfs. Ben love your vlogs and everyone who has watched this and will be watching it will always be by your side supporting you and look forward to the next video👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

A very helpful account and a lot of courage to lay it bare like that. All the best to you on the journey.

You describe it so perfectly and conscisly. Hugs, Ben 🤗

you are so brave to be able to talk about your issues so openly

Thanks Ben, this is helping me more than you can imagine 👍

Found this really sad. Keep going Ben, time is a healer!

Time is a great healer and just stick with it Ben. Eventually you do get better, and it is well worth it, although life is currently on pause. PTSD is horrible and it's good that you have produced this video. Whenever the pain of life overcomes the perceived pain of death get in touch with me. PTSD is a disorder of the brain, not a disorder of yourself.

Thanks for being an inspiration for us Ben, I love your content and it really is changing my perception of what people go through on the other side of the fine line of mental health.

Top lad Ben. Keep getting stronger, you can do it!

I have a genuine respect for you as a person as well as all you have done and are going through Ben. It helps to hear someone talking about the same kind of feelings you are going through and hopefully it helps you being able to talk about them to us the viewers

A true inspiration thank you for everything. Massive support and thank you from myself and my other half.

Twenty three years as a State Trooper and I quit after multiple panic attacks (felt like heart attacks), and being diagnosed as diabetic (5'9" 170 lbs). I lost 17 lbs in Oct. '21 and went to the E.R.. They told me I did not present as a diabetic - fit and eating healthy for years. Over the Summer of '21 I saw more death than at any time during my career...... car accidents, natural deaths, murders, suicides..... (hundreds over my career). I became overwhelmed and decided I had enough. I decided my health was more important than staying with the Michigan State Police for two more years to get to my full pension. I know what he is talking about regarding suicide...... I have a new way..... let my blood sugar drop - just fall asleep and never wake up. That's not my plan - as I think of reasons not to do it just like the man in the video. Every day is new.

Ive found it really eye opening watching your videos, keep up the amazing work 👍

I'm in awe of your honesty and strength. There are so many things you say here that resonate. Stay strong, stay safe.

I could only watch 4 mins in ish. Mostly all you’ve said is nearly identical to my life situation. I’m an ex soldier. Didn’t know what I was like is linked to mental health issues. Most days I don’t leave the house or I go out late at night, less people around. Thanks for this, opened my eyes.

Ben you are such an inspirational person, I myself suffer mental health issues but your videos are up lifting when it comes to a hidden illness. It shows that you have a great personality and things will get better for you, It shows by the subscribers that there is alot of support out here that take an interest in what you have been through.

Watching you has helped me to look well in to the future with excitement. Keep it up, your amazing

Thank you for sharing this, made me feel less alone. I appreciate you. You're doing amazing.

So raw and real. Painful but important to listen to. I have HUGE respect for you. Thank you

Rally amazing and inspiring mate! Please make more content! Keep up the good work!!

Every thing you mentioned I can relate to Ben, you're doing amazing thank you keep it up. 💙💙💙💙

Mate, so much of this relates! You pulled me over years ago, when I lived in Keighley, can’t remember what I’d done but I was probably nipping on a bit, I’d had a rubbish night, felt crap all day, everyone seemed to have it In for me and when I was sat there you spoke to me like an actual person, didn’t ticket me or anything, just basically told me to calm it down and be careful. I found out about 5-6 years ago after everything came crashing down, I suffered from C-PTSD. I didn’t get help untill I tried to end it, and a couple WYP lads took me down from a bridge on Asquith Ave I think it was. But I went through a phase where I’d lost everything, i was homeless, sleeping rough, on the drink and in complete meltdown. The night terrors I still get, not as often, sometimes not as violent, other times it rattles me and takes me a few days to get back into things! And the whole scheduling only a short time ahead, thats exactly what I still do, The other one that gets me, someone says something or triggers something, and I go from being a 34 year old test driver, knowing what I’m doing, having my head in the game and being fine, to being a scared 10 year old and I literally don’t know how to do something that I do day in day out! Keep doing what your doing mate, it will all help, it helps not just you, but people like me aswell!👌🏼

KEEP DOING THE VIDEOS!!! Such a genuine person and channel. Thank you for giving up your time to do the videos...and the crew behind the cameras. MASSIVE THANKS.

You are inspiring in so many ways Ben and you have so many talents to be proud of. I love listening to you talk and understand so much of what you describe. Thank you so much for sharing your stories, your journey with us all. Along with so many listening, I’m very proud of you 🙂

Totally get you ben, I struggle on a daily basis and I get told to try push myself ,but it's hard. Watching u and listening to u I know I'm not only one suffering x

I'm so pleased you created this RU-vid channel its so refreshing to hear you talk about mental health and that it's ok to feel like that I'm proud of you for all the hard work you've done for us as a police officer and also for yourself as a sufferer of mental health in the past all I can say to you Ben is keep fighting coz for every day you get out of that bed of yours is an other day you have won and there is light at the end of that what seems like a very long tunnel but speaking from experience you will get there good luck Ben 👍

You are a top bloke Ben. Please keep making the videos as they are helping a lot of people. I send from the bottom of my heart, the very best with your mental health and I hope it continues to improve.

These short but powerful clips are absolutely class! I love listening to you and always look out for a new one when I’m on here. Keep up the hard work mate, we’re all behind you 💪🏻

Absolutely love watching and hearing about your life, good and bad. You are a fantastic bloke and would love to meet you one day. Just to hug ya 🤗

You are a massive inspiration to a lot of people are suffering Ben. Keep fighting that good fight mate.

Such an inspiration Ben. Loving all the vidoes and can't wait for more there are so interesting and eye opening. Thank you.

Wish you all the very best in the future Ben, you've had it bloody tough but I'm sure you'll come out a stronger person. Good luck

You are so strong mate, hope you realise how strong you are. You will be inspiring so many people, you have no idea.

Thankyou for sharing this and wish you all the luck in the world. Despite your struggles you are truly inspiring as a person and a great role model.

Absolutely amazing what you are doing and your much braver than I am! Keep pushing forward and keep smiling Ben

Onwards and upwards, loving the positivity 👍🙏

Thanks to you, Ben. You have opened our eyes to the mental health issues you are suffering. We care about you and I am full of admiration for all the people you helped in your career, all the people whose lives you made better when they were hurting. I hope every day gets better for you, my friend. God bless you.

Truly eye opening account Ben. Your mindset and devotion to yourself, your family, and you recovery is truly exemplary. From the bottom of my heart Ben, I wish you and your family peace and love.

Sending you a massive hug! Your are incredible, please don't forget that!

Absolutely love you mate, and thank you so much for speaking out about mental health, it isn't spoken about enough. Your stories are a treat to listen too every single time, don't change mate. Hope you're doing well Benny boy 🙃

Well said mate. I too suffer with ptsd and struggle to come to terms with it with people around me so keep it to myself when it comes to family, friends and work other than in ways like this, things get easier each day for me but now n then I get thrown back to square one, but I’m totally the same with what I’m doing an hour ahead that day is all I’m bothered about. Hope things get better for you and thanks for the video 🙌🏽

Another brilliant video Ben , well done , and well spoken mate .

Well done Ben. Stay positive. Your story really resonated with me. I wish you all the best for the future and recovery. Stay strong bruv.

Top man! Thank you so much for sharing this. I have my own struggles with Mental Health - watching this has given me strength and if I’m honest perspective. Thank you.

Well said, once again you’ve smashed it. Good work.

Hi Ben,just got out of the hospital yep ptsd plus. I played this to everyone I could. Lot of tears shed but you inspired so many! Have alot more people following you also helped having your book. Ben your a beautiful person ❤ inspiring us across the pond. Thank you for your bravery talking about this. Merry Christmas to you and your family, plus the crew. I'm crying again watching this but your my inspiration.

First off yes please keep doing the channel, i for one loveeeee it ! but only if you feel right about it, i feel your pain and im sorry you ever had to go through all this, its not a nice place to be in your head, its abit like being trapped in a body and screaming to get out but noone can hear you, i have to take sleep meds to avoid the night terrors but i still have them, thankfully the sleep meds dont let me remember much about them, i have a list of things to do each day literally a list, some days i get 1 thing done, some days i get more, but im getting there, i push myself to keep going, you give me so much inspiration and i thank you for that from the bottom of my heart, its like finally someone understands how i feel

Massive respect to you Ben I really appreciate these videos it certainly helps when the down days come you make everyone with mental health feel strong and say yes you know what I actually can do this today I can achieve these goals so massive respect and thank you for being so brave

You are an amazing person an inspiration to myself, and my son who has just joined the force keep you head up and your heart strong 🙏❤

Great description.

Truly courageous stuff there man, hope you get to the other side, so many of us a fighting battles with ourselves, it's good to hear your getting though it.

I always love it when another video comes out huge respect for being able to make videos like these ones, imo your an inspiration Ben and these videos are amazing keep doing you man 💪🏼👍🏼

What a brilliant explanation 👏🏼👏🏼

massive respect for sharing your experiences, i found being open and honest about my mental health helped me take back control and while it still kicks your arse every second of the day it dont leave you hiding and feeling ashamed. unfortunately the stigma is still a massive issue and while people are talking about mental health more it is still a taboo especially in young men and too many people are being lost through embarrassment and it is heartbreaking! keep smiling and remember the sun always shines after the rain 🙏

Ben I can safely say you are an inspiration and an absolute legend, I love the channel and wish you all the best. I’m just waiting to start my journey, my local constabulary starts recruiting this morning and I will be applying. Onwards and upward 💪🏻👍🏻

Bless you Ben. Be proud of how far you have come. You are inspirational for people suffering ptsd and other mental health issues.

You are such an inspiration. I admire you for how you are refusing to give in to this, even though each day is a fight. You give people hope. I've read your book and I can now hopefully understand a little of what brought you to this point in your life. I am sure I am one of many people who hope you keep doing this for as long as it continues to help you. Thank you for everything you have done Ben x

Well done Ben, another great video. It takes real courage to speak openly about emotion and the physical impact depression & mental health can bring. I have said before how grateful & extremely proud I am that you put yourself at risk patrolling the roads in my home town to keep not only me but others safe. You are an inspiration Ben, it's obvious to anyone who watches your videos you are a genuine, feeling & loving man, who has experienced the most horrific things most of us could never even imagine. You are incredibly brave and a fighter - you will WIN this battle Ben. You have started the recovery journey and already made great progress up that hill, you know where you want to be - you have a plan, though the path is long and tricky in many places, you just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other. You have no time limit, just the hill to conquer. Best Wishes to you Ben and your family. I am sure they are all extremely proud of you. ❤️