Friend Has Toxic Mental Health Issues: Should I End the Relationship? 

People with toxic issues don't understand boundaries, they only understand using people and trying to make others feel guilty.

I’ve been the “ hero “ helper. But what happened to me is , after 2:00 a.m. council sessions that lasted hrs. My friend would next day , repeat the same cycle. As if we never talked it through. Zero progress.

Absolutely...end the relationship. Period.

I have a friend who keeps ghosting me under the guise of depression. I had a mental health crises when we went into lockdown, she was not there. She finally got a job recently and I sent her a text congratulating her; no response. I've hung in there for years making myself available to her as friends do. Done.

Had this happen 2 years ago with a toxic friend. Let’s just say she’s not my friend anymore! Set your boundaries and when they cross it... kick them out!

Bad company corrupts good behavior!!!

Misery needs company. I can't deal with those people.

When you take on others people problems they become your problems. Cut All Toxic people out of your life, if you ever desire peace and happiness within.

The minute she feels you set boundaries they will either, cut you off first, or blame you for furthering their sense of abandonment...or both.

Sounds like codependency! Hope the caller gets help as well

My husband is a fixer like this. It’s caused issues as I have to be the bad guy at times. I think the Caller should walk away and get therapy.

Great advice John! Yes, she’s putting herself in a position to hurt her friend because she’s not equipped to help. Only a professional can help that. Boundaries are crucial for both people in any and every relationship.

If I were this woman, my guilt would come from the question of, “Who would I be if I let go of a friend in need?” John provided a valuable answer on the value of our own psyche.

I like to help people but I don’t want to be responsible for them. Help, support and advice...YES ✅ Give me a guilt trip, tell me what to say and how to act...NO ✖️ Edit: I’d also like to add that you can’t help a person who won’t help themselves. If they won’t make the changes, if they won’t see the right people, if their friendship feels like hard work because they’ve given you a hundred jobs to do FOR THEM...then NO.

Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend endorsed by Ramsey. GO GET IT!!! GREAT 👍 BOOK!!!

I've had needy friendship after needy friendship of just dumpster fires. It wasn't until a few years ago that I started to put up boundaries. However, in my case this was a learned behavior. My mom loves having people as projects. To this day, she's still collecting strays.

Why in the WORLD would you allow anyone this manipulative to remain in your life? You aren't her therapist, her mom, or her pastor. Check out Dr. Ramani's RU-vid channel on narcissists, and move on. If you like being needed so much that you allow this into your life, you need therapy as much as your friend.

Setting and enforcing healthy boundaries is so important for all types of relationships.

This caller needs therapy. Her need to be needed is very unhealthy.

Oh man, that one hit close to home. I've got a friend like this who always seems to have some sort of mental health or physical medical issue and therefore always needs something from you. I had to stop because she's like an anchor.

Thank you for this I had nearly the situation a few weeks ago with a coworker. This time either heals or hurts all relationships.

I really got tired of her ghosting me for years and hoovering back. Her mental health was very bad. She broke my boundaries and transfered her issues to me, it was very hard, because she used the excuse that " it's my fault" but no matter whoever has the contol issues it was too difficult to feel normal around her. My needs were being met, but at a stressful cost to my own wellness.

I had a friend from childhood whom I lost touch with for many years. When we reconnected she had health issues but helped me when I was down on my luck. So, I tried to repay but she became abusive and mean - " forgetting" comments, and conversations. Usually on Facebook so in a public forum she could take me down a peg or two. Finally, I had enough - she then let me know she couldn't be my Emergency Contact person although I had no one else as she had only agreed because I was helping her and she didn't want me to get mad. While she recuperated from surgeries I helped around the house cleaning ( they are Hoarders) organizing cleaning toilets, taking her on day trips to help with depression and so on - Never enough ! She blew it by her jealousy, anger and meanness. Because she was a childhood friend and I had no one else I took it for a while but no longer - Boundaries ! That is my motto now

Dr. Deloney is the best, Man. Thank you!

Before covid our economy was booming. Markets were soaring. Benefits for lower income. All my friends and coworkers were thriving.

Did Dr. D say “good grief” at the end of this clip? That is so perfect! He is *so* Charlie Brown! With Lucy’s psychiatric advice booth! Ahw. Helping us all around the baseball diamond of life’s relational challenges with the grace of innocent wisdom💗 💕 ❤️ ☀️ ☀️

Hello from SYD Australia Thanks for this upload Common global social issue

Dr. Henry Cloud some fantastic books, one is called “Boundaries” about relationships in general. Another is called “Necessary Endings” about like corporate leaders adjusting team participation based on a cost benefit analysis that looked at more than just the finance numbers… like the cost of lost focus from project to meetings about a toxic coworker frying the rest… Fascinating work!

Great advice

1st thing! I love Dr. John he does such an amazing job and I just wish I could talk to him for an hour or two!! If I called in a would be like "I have a 15 part question!" Haha 2nd I have had friends like this and the only way to save yourself is to walk away..

What do I do....if my parents AND my husband are toxic (narcissistic) people?? And everyone else is a friendly acquaintance??

Codependent relationships kills ones soul.

I'm curious if she acted this toxic in her marriage. I will never condone cheating, however, it makes you wonder

She got to expose the cheating and that’s power. No offense, I’m recently learning about this, myself: codependency. Some folks are addicted to drugs or alcohol or porn or video games or social media… but others are addicted to emotional control over others or coercion. One of my close family members reaches out most to “help” people with their issues when her life feels most out of control. She tends to start little emotional fires or blow up other people’s problems maybe before they are ready to face them in order to “help” them through it. Because it makes her feel better to solve someone else’s issues when hers feel unsolvable. Of course that’s not necessarily you, but if this is becoming a pattern in your life with many different associations it could be worth checking out. So, could be worth it to look at what you might be avoiding or not dealing with in your own life when these helpee projects tend to crop up. If this woman is manipulating you emotionally by threatening suicide, here’s what: that is dangerous. If you really want to help her the best thing you could do is tell her, “I hear you saying things that tell me you may be in crisis. As your friend and somebody who cares, I owe it to you to connect you with qualified professionals who also care that can help you deal with those feelings appropriately. That’s just not my wheelhouse, and it scares me to hear you say that you may take your own life. You are worth it to me to call for more appropriate support than I can give. Would it help you if I reached out to them now or would you rather walk back that statement and consider making the call yourself when you feel ready to manage that level of pain with them? Let me make clear now that if I hear threats like that again, I’ll feel compelled to call for you right away. Because your life is worth it to me. Even if you get mad at me or won’t like that. Because I’d rather you be mad AND alive than the alternative.” It might be a real call for help or an emotional extortion card. Asking if she needs you to call for her now will help clear it up. If it’s extortion, she’ll back off the suicide statements. If it’s real, she might accept help from you like that. Either way, if that subject comes up again, don’t even mention it, keep her on the phone talking and go to your laptop and contact the hotline via chat or whatever. You can tell her “hold on, I’ve got a call on the other line…” and make the call as soon as it comes up. Maybe it’s real, maybe just a threat but qualified authorities working with mental health pros are the appropriate teams to decipher that. They’re there to protect you from this behavior as much as her ;o) After that, instead of telling her flat out you don’t want to be friends anymore, which can feel sharp, especially to someone who can’t recognize boundaries, try just slowly distancing yourself little by little, being a little less available… cutting calls short (set a timer if she calls for 10-20 minutes then when it goes off say you have to go - you got something in the or another appointment (she doesn’t have to know it’s with your own sanity). If she invites you cool places, you got other plans already - Dho! - not to hang with her, that’s what. Concert?!! Shoot! That’s laundry night. Gee whiz. Bummer drag, man… “enjoy it, though. Maybe use it as an excuse to meet take a new friend. That might be cool…” If she walks into a room you are in, you just remembered that library book you have to return - skiddaddle, scram. You sneak out of it. Soft pedal breakup. When she gets the hint she might confront you. Which will be awesome - because it lets you know she is ready and open to hear why. So, you get honest, and you say something like: “You’re right. I have been avoiding you, lately. I feel like our friendship is off balance and I feel scared by people who use threats of suicide because it can be so destabilizing. Whether those are real or not, it just throws a curveball of perspective that I am not equipped to handle. So, I have been distant. I like helping out, but I have limits on my time, energy, and emotional reserves that I need to protect as well. I’m sure, as the reasonable person you usually are, that you can understand why I feel uncomfortable continuing our friendship, now. Thank you.”

control issues

Is it feels wrong it’s not a good friendship.

Stop assuming she ever welcomed this at first. She never stated that.

John; what if ‘folks like this’ include your spouse?

Cluster A,B,C,D,E personally disorder

I'm in the same pickle.She acts like she is fine, but she has angry manic episodes.She doesn't accept any help. I have known her all my life and its hard to watch and do nothing.

Say no to clingy friends

This lady says she cares about her friends but it doesn't sound like it. This girl is broken of course she cannot give anything back... :(

Walk away.

10/24/20....DON'T NEED DRAMA QUEENS OR KINGS! TOO MUCH BS ABOUT "MENTAL ILLNESS" when it is really just self-centered drama + same old, same old + too much social media influence. Just teen angst...ppl need to get out of "high school mode" + GROW UP + GET A LIFE!

CAValry not CALVary

Just Incase your unaware which it seems you are, your calling woman man which is very unprofessional