Kids arent stupid. If there wasn't something in it for her I suspect the offer wouldnt have been made. My sister used to do stuff like this all the time that made her look great, but strangely there was always a benefit for her.
@@sarahholland2600 you say this like people in general don't do this. For all we know, she could have simply asked her parents if she could paint her room and it would have happened. Asking to be allowed to do something for yourself when you are offering to do something for someone else, especially as a kid, is asking very little.
@@sarahholland2600 or maybe she was considerate enough to want to give her siblings more space like she had when she was growing up yet autonomous enough to understand that she was doing a nice thing and deserved to have her now smaller room painted a colour that she wanted instead of (probably) having it took like a small child's room?
People don't realize that gentle parenting doesn't mean letting a kid get away with things. They're still taught consequences for their actions. They just aren't berated and beat.
Some examples of consequences?? Cause timeouts (yes we word them as something “GeNtLe” like taking a breath) or Loss of privilege, outings and toys… cause at this point my 4 year old laughs in my face and says “go ahead” and is already threatening to run away
@@La_br00tal_mijahonestly if your 4 years old is threatening with running away from home and it's laughing at your face, I'm sure the gentle parenting isn't the problem but they are picking the behavior from other places, like siblings, friends or other adults
@@Punk_Male he is an only child, no cousins, he doesn’t go to a sitter or preschool or daycare. We live 3 hour drive away from all family and when he does me and husband are always there no he is not on an iPad all day. Yes he gets enough playtime/outside time every day to get the energy out. Yes we read to him. Yes we talk thru our “big feelings” yes we stand firm in him “not being rewarded for bad behavior” you are just proving my point. Rather than give me examples of appropriate CONSEQUENCES, you are telling me why it can’t be working rather than entertaining the idea that gentle parenting plain and simple does not work for every kid
That's pretty amazing , that your oldest not only suggested the change, but even saw the need for it to begin with. She was aware enough to be like hey they need more space! That is amazing major props to them!
I think gentle parenting is confused with spoiling. Spoiling is when parents give into a child's wants without fulfilling emotional needs. Think of it as "here is that toy you wanted, now leave me alone". This teaches children that material possessions equal love, and getting their way without compromise becomes entwined with their feelings of self-worth. Gentle parenting is being responsive to your children, helping them understand their feelings, motivations, and the consequences of their actions. It helps a child develop their empathy.
Yes people confuse gentle parenting with passive parenting… I am guilty of being a passive parent :/ and an aggressive parent. Trying to find that happy medium and parent in a gentle conscious way is difficult but hopefully so worth it.
@@sillynacannada6718 I’m the exact same way and people say I’m abusive for that. I’d rather be supposedly “abusive” then watch my child get electrocuted then by all means I’ll take that name any day. Sometimes you got to really punish a child especially with something dangerous cause they just simply don’t know any better and might play it off as nothing
@@milkglassfairy7641 hey at least you're trying!!! there are sooo many parents who refuse to admit that they may not have done/be doing things the right way, so you're already ahead of a large chunk of ppl. the first step toward change is acknowledging that there is something you want to do differently and so many ppl won't even do that. parenting is extremely hard, especially nowadays, and can push you to your absolute limits. I hope you don't beat yourself up for not being perfect, and I also hope you give yourself credit for making a conscious effort to be a good parent!!! I'm sure you're doing wonderfully ❤️
Gentle parenting makes sure that kids know how to solve issues on they own and not be quit to anger. Also maintains mental health because it reduces trauma.
As a parent of 8, that has done this parenting for… oh, 20 years? Gentle parenting is basically owning yourself as a parent to teach your children how to behave appropriately, vs controlling them. This parenting taught me so much about myself, and so much about them and it fosters actual relationships between parents and kids. Thank you for all the teaching you’re doing.
the most important part of gentle parenting is kids aren't afraid to make mistakes because of it, they don't fear your reaction and will come to you if they did accidentally break something instead of try hide it
My mom's idea of compromise is "we're going to have a screaming match until I'm right but if you talk over a whisper or interrupt my screaming I'm taking your phone" I live in such a wonderful household ☺️
Yes. And then she says sh*t like: "Why aren't you saying anything? FUC*ING SPEAK!" But you stay dead silent, because the moment you say something, she will get angrier. Then she leaves the room... comes back in 5 minutes to scream at you some more... and maybe repeats it for the third time until she finally calms down. I'm 25. I still remember. Thank god I was born infertile to stop the cycle...
@@chaospuppy6730 looking at Sweden (or was it Denmark?) literally sending a box full of useful stuff to new parents. And the box is meant to be used as a first bed.
generally. But some people are born narcissistic and it’s usually pretty clear by daycare age. I’ve worked with hundreds of kids of all ages. All babies and toddlers are self centered in thinking but by age four…that usually stops and they want to have play groups with friends. I worked with 2 kids who while both were very smart…absolutely were narcissists.
@@beastshawnee I don't know if narcissist is the right term. You can't be born a narc. A narcissist is a person who pretends to be better than everyone else. They lack empathy and are incredibly insecure. It's caused by insecurity. So, they may have some other disorder, but unless at a very young age are being told how horrible they are, it's not likely. It's a very fragile person who seeks validation of how great they are because they are lacking it somewhere else.
Apparently, I gentle parented both my children long before there was a name for it. Now, they are both fully productive adults that completely support themselves. There was no "terrible teen" years & I regret absolutely nothing! Except, for time. Where TF did it go?! I MISS MY BABIES! 😭
I have one and it was the exact same situation. I didn't know what I was doing was gentle parenting and I have been blessed with a loving supportive complete human being to call my child. She has told me more than once (unprompted) how she had a great childhood and shes livky I am her mom. Can I ever ask for anything else 🥺
exactly! if you use a bit of critical thinking and googling, you can see gentle parenting is helping children process emotions bc their brain physically can’t yet. not spoiling kids or letting them get away with whatever. too many people scream and hit their kids then expect them to turn out good. why do we think there are so many karens or people who immediately resort to violence? bc that’s how they were taught to act! when someone does something you don’t like, just scream at them or hit them like their parents did to them. corporal punishment on children has plenty of research to show it causes lifelong issues with emotional regulation among other things. if you think gentle parenting is spoiling your child, you’re too uneducated to talk about the topic. every parent should have to take a child development course.
@@Kayla-rd5jd there are differences between corporal punishment and just plain old abuse. The research that has been done that you are suggesting, was more abuse than discipline. I live in a country where corporal punishment is the standard and we have fewer murderers, 1 serial killer with in the last 17 years, lower rape cases than probably the world (including pedophilia), 1 or 2 suicides per 5 to 20 years, abuse cases are beyond seldom, and the only children i have ever seen disrespect their perents are those that have never gotten a whooping from them. So i dont know maybe the studies that were conducted were done with bias to those who were abused or maybe the behavioral scientists issuing the questionnaire were survivors of abuse themselves. Either way it looks to me, that the issues that are claimed to be a byproduct of corporal punishment is cleary either a complete obscure jumbling of abuse and discipline, orthe study was done with an obvious bias.
@@katlasdahgreat the country i live in has a form of discipline dubbed corporal punishment that is the standard we as people of that country use to discipline our children when words and revoked privileges have failed to emphasize the incorrect behavior you wish to be stopped. As i see it, it seems that the studies that were conducted seem to be conflating discipline and abuse, which is easy to do im sure, but there is a difference. So if it was the case that corporal punishment causes some deviation from preferred behavior it appears that it being outlawed in the states appears to have no statistical positive impact on the deviations mentioned in the study. Which were: proclivity to criminal activities violent or non violent, emotional damage and likely hood of abusing their children themselves, mental trauma and illnesses not as a result of genetic or accidental causes etc. If these behavioral issues were linked to corporal punishment as a form of discipline, it would have to be seen in places where most to the entire populace uses such disciplinary tactics. But as i have stated the entirety of my country's native populace practice corporal punishment as a disciplinary option, and in spite of this, those deviations above are little to non existent. However this is anecdotal up until we look at the stats on mentally ill (- the ones who are ill due to drugs and illnesses like retardation and schizophrenia) and crimes committed. Thus i came to the conclusion that corporal punishment at the very least appears to be just as good a disciplinary tactic as gentle parenting. If not better, considering the amount of disrespect ive held wittness to regarding the american children who have been here with their parents and boy, the types of things they get away with is crazy. It make the tv shows and movies look real.
When people are talking about “Bad kids” they are very quick to point to the parents and talk about how kids are emulating what they see at home. With gentle parenting, they are seeing patience, kindness, forgiveness, logical rationalization, and comfort with emotions. How can a child who is emulating those positive behaviors supposed to turn out as an entitled brat? Unless the parent is exhibiting entitled bratty behavior or allowing entitled Bratty behavior, Gentle parenting, from what I’ve seen on this page has nothing to do with enabling your children to do whatever they want to do. There is an aspect of discipline that comes with gentle parenting. Discipline that teaches children to treat other people like human beings.
Something else people miss with gentle parenting is how much time is spent explaining to the kids why you're setting these rules, expectations, and warnings. Talk to them like people in ways they understand. "Put on a coat" "no, I'm not cold." "It's cold outside." "No I'm not cold." "We're not going anywhere until you put on this coat!" And a fight. Vs "It's cold outside, you should put on a coat." "No, I'm not cold." "Okay, and we want to keep it that way. You also would hate to be sick, and I don't want to see you sick. So you should put on the coat to stay not cold and not sick."
@@ZakBaganslover4ever9 exactly. Thank you for pointing this out because people need to understand how much this affects the child. More people need to talk with their children with respect and like another person and explain why things are not just "because I say so" or "i made you so you have to do what I say or get out."
Exactly… to all of the above comments!! And sometimes, when you explain a rule and they don’t get it, because in their tiny brain, that reason doesn’t matter, it’s okay to say, “I know YOU don’t care about this right now, but how you appear at (wherever - let’s say a funeral) DOES matter to those around you. Our job as parents is to teach you to respect those around you. You aren’t living your life in a vacuum. Sometimes you can wear whatever you want. Today, you need to choose between these 3 outfits.” Again, acknowledge they don’t get it, they don’t like it, they may be upset about it. Gentle parenting doesn’t mean just letting them do WHATEVER!!
@@RedRosemary oh no im so traumatized! I was scolded all the time as a kid and wasn't allowed to go on any social media including RU-vid until I was 16!! And my curfew was 5pm 🤧
It’s almost like treating children like people with emotions and feelings and a need to be listened to and raising them with empathy, kindness and love fosters a safe environment with no competition over resources!
Product of harsh parenting and tough love. Me and my 3 siblings haven't spoken to either of my parents in about a decade now, and we are amazed at how much better our lives have gotten without them. May our tale be a warning to any of you who think tough love is the way.
My parent's weren't that bad but occasionally my dad would use "tough love" It just made me feel like I wasn't good enough which would turn into anger. Actually encourage me or teach me what I should do/what I did wrong. It backfired on him most of the time because I've always been a bold person. You try to "encourage" me by telling me I can't do it?? Fuck you, I'm not doing it at all now. Then be like "Oh, well you said I couldn't, so I didn't try" after he realized I didn't do what he wanted 😅 He did not like that. Thankfully my parents weren't abusive because I'd probably be dead. Rant aside, I'm sorry what you and your siblings went through and I hope you're all doing well!
@@_Oof_ We are doing well now as a result of a decade of cutting our parents out of our lives all together. They were abusive. My first memories of my dad are of him kicking me around the living room with work boots, kinda like a ragdoll.
My dad would constantly get yelled at by mom about money nightly when he was home while also working 70-90 hour weeks, she would come home drunk and he'd ignore her because it routinely happened, its weird my parents have changed for the better after divorcing but it left me changed I am emotionally numb to anyone's feelings. And i think it mainly stemmed from their constant conflict.
Tough love used as an excuse to be irresponsible parents. My dad was a tough love parent. I shed two tears when he died. Literally, two tears. I don't miss him.
My mom spent our entire childhood trying to make us feel bad for doing normal kids stuff and acting like we were ruining her life. She did lots of spiteful stuff that didn't teach anything besides how not to treat anyone. We don't see her much anymore. Rough or gentle doesn't matter as much as consistent and respectful. Your kids learn how to treat others from you and abusing your authority because they have no choice isn't going to teach respect for anything but unbalanced power.
When we moved into our new house, I asked my son(then 15) about the bedroom situation bc out of the 2 kid rooms, one is drastically bigger. He told me his little sister(2) could have it bc she needed more room to play where as he really only needed room for his desk, his bed and his TV...my mother even chastised me for giving the younger kid the bigger room. He stood up to her and told her that he picked the smaller one bc his little sister needs to space more than he does. He also pointed out that with such an age difference, she'll be living here longer than he will be. I love that kid. He's got such a big heart-especially when it comes to his little sister. ❤️ Edit: Holy crap! Thanks for the love guys!!!
Eldest is the QUEEN of chaotic good. She’ll pack a lunch that will make you question your life choices but will give up her room to her siblings. I hope she never changes ❤
My mom likes to pull the "oh I don't remember that" whenever I throw the trauma she and my dad gave me back into her face. They were very mentally harsh, so seeing someone who is actually kind to her children is very comforting Also I love your hair
Hah, same except throw physically abusive in the mix too Edit: Btw I hope you're doing better now, and if you aren't then I hope you get better. Please treat yourself with kindness and love, best wishes to you and everyone else here ❤️
i can empathize. this content reminds me that my parents were wrong, not me, and makes me feel better that it’s not my fault me and my parents don’t have a relationship
@@gab6031 I disagree. Gentle Parenting is used across all ages to help kids learn independence in thinking and actions while making good choices. They also learn more emotional regulation and coping skills then most other children.
@@perpetualMess. without discipline the kids are gone do what they want and be brats so your in the wrong. I also feel bad for this things kids because I wouldn't whant to live with a hooker going through a mid life crisis.
@@alienenby Make it comfortable as a bedroom? It IS a bedroom. She didn't offer to take the closet. She offered to switch to the smaller room because she didn't need a larger room. 🤨
@@Noodles4Anime you didn't understand what I meant. I tried to keep it short, so I guess that understandable. What I meant was that for teenagers, bedrooms are the places they stay in the most. If they will be spending that much time in there, it should be a place they feel comfortable in. ie, painted walls, things they like, etc.
@@abiean222 and on the rare occasion she does show her kid it’s because a) they were over a certain age and they could make the informed decision to be on the internet or not and b) it was only done with the informed consent of the teen
@@abiean222 yeah, The only kid we've seen (that i know of) is her eldest who is a grown teen who Is capable of making the decision whether or not she wants to be on the internet. Which is really good and more people need to stop showing their young kids online.
You are a fantastic parent. My parents don't use gentle parenting, and while our family isn't as bad as most, it's still fairly broken. Your family works, and i crave that.
I went against all family and others and parented my child with love and respect. He turned into a responsible full of common sense compassionate young adult. I'd do it all over again.
Product of gentle parenting: a Biochemist and software engineer who both have a great relationship with each other and our parents. Keep doing what your doing
@@jenna3356 You didn't deserve that, you deserved to be taught right from wrong in a safe environment with non physical punishments. I'm sorry you had to go through that and had such lazy parents
I definitely feel using gentle parenting has helped as my kids age. Now I won't claim I was perfect or never lost my patience with them and acted like a screaming mess, but those led me to apologize to my kids for those times. That helped them understand we all have bad days and we need to apologize genuinely when we do.
I've realized that a lot of times when we as parents say no it's usually for our comfort and convenience and it usually ends up being a power struggle between you and your kid. I've found myself saying yes and compromising a lot with my almost 5 year old. I tell her to tell me when I'm not being patient or gentle and that i always try every day to be a great mom to her. I apologize when I'm wrong and so on. In the back of my mind i do worry me being more gentle will make her a brat or entitled but ultimately gentle parenting feels right. Snapping at them and being impatient creates more problems than it solves
Yes! I am a therapist who has worked a lot with kids and families in the foster care system and one of the biggest and hardest issues to work through when it comes to parenting is parents and foster parents falling into a power struggle. It’s so easy from a situation of getting the kid to do something to making them do what you say. It’s such a fine and kind of blurry line that it’s very easy to miss, but makes a huge difference if you learn how to catch yourself doing jt and change your methods.
@@ivyrose779 I’m really interested in being a foster parent when I’m older, but I’ve wondered if gentle parenting is truly the best option or if there are other trauma informed parenting styles that work best. What’s your opinion?
Yes! I try to give my son as much leeway as I can to choose the little things (what outfit to wear, whether we brush our teeth first or take a bath first, what extracurricular activities he wants to participate in, etc) and two things have happened: there is so much less of a power struggle when it comes to the non-negotiables or safety issues, and he is gaining the confidence and self-awareness to make progressively more important decisions for himself. Win-win!
@@karinagutierrez7134 as a person who had a gentle parent and a traditional parent while growing up, pick Gentle Parenting. Gentle Parenting isn't about just letting your kid do what they want, it's about listening to their needs and responding accordingly. You don't need to yell at a child, you don't need to slap them, you don't need to use your power on them. There are times when one might come in handy though. Like if your kid is about to drink something poisonous, then using your power over them to take it away is using that wisely, but then you should take the initiative to explain why to that child so they understand why you're not allowing them to do that. My mum was a staunch "don't beat kids" mum, but when I was 3 my father spoiled me while she was gone for a year (working), and she had to come back to a kid who threw tantrums if she ever said no even once. One time it got so bad that I was hitting and kicking her as I was screaming, so she decided to take the initiative and slap me, but only on my butt cheek (cuz it's the softest area that'll do the least harm), with an open palm (that also causes the least harm) and only once, so that I would stop and listen to her, and I would know that hurting others does not leave me without consequences. She only ever hit me twice in my entire life and it was only ever as a last resort, and it would never be the main thing she would do, because she would always make sure to use her words and calmly explain things to me. Compare that to my dad, who tried scolding me everytime I didn't meet his expectations in school, which lead me into a depression where I stopped believing I could do anything because I was taught that no matter how hard I tried I would be punished. He tried using beatings to basically threaten me into doing my work and all I did was tell him to get it over with, he had to stop because even he could tell how unresponsive I was to it. But instead of looking to focus on building me up or looking at how to help me mentally, he focused more on finding a different punishment. He did get me diagnosed with adhd but he framed it as "finding out what's wrong with you" instead of actually looking to find what works for me. And they only gave me drugs that he later stopped before never trying anything else. I stopped caring about my life because of that teaching method and it took me 6 years before I started to try get my life back. You should always be willing to talk things through and listen to* them. It might take a while with older foster kids as they have likely been brought up not to do that, but then that's another need of theirs to be fulfilled. One where they feel trusted and safe, so that they can open up and you can talk. My mother being straight forward, being honest, and being caring are the things that made it so I had a fighting chance. I'm now in a loving relationship with a partner who has a similar father, and the main reason we are able to have healthy communication and are able to work through our problems is because we had at least one person in our lives that valued communication, trust, and empathy.
@@Zazabazaa Thank you for taking the time to share your story! I am so sorry to hear that your father was like that, but I am glad to hear that your mom was your saving grace and you have such a healthy relationship now with your partner. I would never consider “traditional” parenting styles, even if I have a biological kid. I’m most interested in working with the older kids and I definitely want to be that safe space they can talk to, empower them to live up to their full potential, teach them all the things they’ll need to be able to be an adult. It seems like gentle parenting would really lend itself to that, since I’d be explaining the options and why some aren’t as good as others, but the fact I haven’t heard any foster care RU-vidrs mention it and they all mention trauma based parenting makes me wonder what the difference is, why/if it’s better, how well they work together. The last thing I want to do is further traumatize a child.
respecting your kids is part of being a good parent and giving them consequences is also part of it. and from what ive seen of your parenting you do both so good on you
I’ve been using this with my grandkids since I got them last year after they lost their parents. They have been they so much and I didn’t want to add to that. My older (adult) kids are stunned I am letting some behaviors(which I recognize as trauma responses) go in lieu of the bigger picture. What I’ve received in return are 2 totally different kids from the ones that came to me last year. I never knew the gentle parenting was a concept. I am glad I ran across you reels and TT and keep posting mama, you are really helping people out here
@@brookeg5979 Thank you. You have no idea how much it means to hear that when your life has been flipped in such a way. Especially when no one seems to understand why I am operating the way I am. Bless you. You made my morning.
Sounds like you are doing a great job with your grandkids. Now that you've settled into this a bit more, it might be worth taking a look back at how you raised your kids and think about if there is anything you regret/feel you should have done differently. If so, calling up your kids and saying, "I just want to let you know, I love you and I regret doing/saying X when you were a kid. I know you've noticed that I am raising [grandkids] differently than how I raised you, and I'm sorry they're getting the benefits of experiences I didn't have with you." My mom was 15 years older than her little brother an always kind of resented her parents because of how differently they treated him. Even if you were a great dad to your kids, I'm sure there are little things you could think of and those 2 sentences of acknowledgement could go a long way towards strengthening your relationships and nipping any resentment in the bud.
You have no idea what an impact you have made on my parenting. I read all the books. I join all the groups. I try it all. I look up studies and reviews etc. I compare and contrast styles…… everything. But it’s hard to transfer something on a page into actual life application and with your videos and guidance this is the first time I have ever managed to actually implement something that I felt was immediately turning out the results I wanted and it made me feel more comfortable with my parenting as well. You made it feel natural and easy. Now my friends and I all have a mom group and we play your videos every week and do a weekly challenge trying to implement your advice then the next week we come back and compare notes. You have seriously brought up our parenting average lol. Never stop!
"Gentle parenting is the long game." Absolutely! As a mom of three young men who are now 21, 19, and 16, I agree. Hard as it is to change the paradigm if you weren't raised by gentle parents, it's worth the (self) work, I promise. ❤
My mom practiced gentle parenting with me without even knowing what it was called. Because I am an only child, many people thought that I would be selfish and rude. But my mom taught me how to share, how to be forgiving, and just be compassionate.
I’m on your side on this one. Gentle parenting allowed me to raise my two kids into independent young adults who are capable of working and living anywhere in the world.
My sister gets gentle parenting while I get " fuck you I only had you to clean the house " Edit: this is literally the most likes I've got on anything, and it breaks my heart to hear your stories! I'm sorry you all had to go through that, and I never responded 1. My friend just passed away 2. I've been pretty busy with all that stuff But I'm sorry for not responding sooner!
Often I hear people talk about how a kid needs to “respect” their parents and that is why they are against gentle parenting. And then I wonder if they are confusing fear with respect, like my dad did.
Also parents often forget that respect needs to be earned. If you show respect towards your kids they will reciprocate. Respect can't be demanded. The only thing they're demanding really is to fake respect it for safety.
You’re an amazing mom. Forget the silly mistakes, the times you’re too hard on yourself, and just know, you truly have created some truly amazing kids. They will be amazing adults one day. ❤
I completely agree with you, my children aren’t bratty at all. They’re sensible teenagers a bit annoying but still sensible. Like right now, I can’t afford to give them allowances (yes, I “pay them” to help out around the house) and they still do their chores with no issues to contribute to the household. That’s just one example of responsive parenting being a rewarding long game! I’m usually awestruck at how they express their maturity and understanding of learning to be a functional member of society and human behavior. 🥰🙏🏾
Wait people give their kids money for chores? Hm we never got given that because the parents said it would be rewarding you simply for existing. A roof over our heads and everything we need, and often things we want should be enough. Edit: my parents aren't bad. Stop it. They do give us things we want but I was saying that we are given what we need and things we want some times. They do take care of us.
@@Live_laugh_loveKandi i actually think it's a good idea to pay them. It teaches them how to manage their money. Instead of getting them what they want, it teaches them how to save their money to buy what they want, and later what they need. That said, everyone is different and there are pros and cons to each. I wouldn't say either way is the "wrong" way.
Kids can be bratty due their age, like anyone was. But not due to their education. A pup and still be a good trained pup, but tstill a pup so its to be expected play and some messed will happen
It's only when someone doesn't care to take the time to actually PARENT, does the child end up spoiled. Having conversations with your children, instead of just speaking at them, or letting them walk all over you, is the best way for a child to understand things, sooner. Explaining things to my child is one of my favorite things to do. Teaching her about my experiences, and actually telling her how I felt and what happened, could help her make better choices in similar situations. Letting her have emotions, and understanding them, will lead to better emotional control as an adult. I still find it hard to process my emotions and work throu a situation because my parents didn't help me with my anxiety, but because I want to help my child throu it, I've been able to help myself as well. We are both learning together. And no one is perfect, were all going to have flaws, but taken accountability for it, and taking actions because of that, is what keeps us evolving everyday.
Thank you for teaching me gentle parenting. My now 13 year old is cleaning up without arguing and doing dishes when asked without a fight. I appreciate your videos.
I was raised very very nicely by my mother. She treated me like a HUMAN once I gained concious thought. I stopped trying to cause problems at like, age 8/9 because I understood she had feelings. I still cause problems though because I was a dumb kid and didn't know better, but I typically had genuine intentions. My mother knew that and recognized that, and treated such situations with that in mind. She didn't need to punish me, she just had to tell me why what I did was bad, and I would break down because I was so heartbroken that I caused an issue. My mother has always been morally strong and kind, so I copied that. I just didn't know how to tell if I was doing the right thing. Now, while every other parent is whining about how their kids don't talk to them, me and my mother share EVERYTHING. She's a friend to me (of course, not in the same way a child friend is. But I've had many adult friends and my mom is like one of those but even closer.) We talk about our lives, our ideas, etc. I tell her about my partner, my friends, my gender, my sexuality, etc. She does the same with her work, her friends, etc. I know that i can always not tell her something, and there are many things i keep from her, and she kniws that and respects that. I still tell her a ton anyways though, because she has proven herself to be a HUMAN BEING to me, and not some sort of teacher or authority figure. I dont listen to her because i SHOULD because shes AUTHORITY and MY MOM, i listen to her because she is a person i like and agree with, and i dont even need to listen to what she says because its literally what i would already be doing. She doesn't even need to ask. And because of that, I have more respect for others around me, like teachers and classmates and etc. I don't listen to them because "I should", I listen to them when they ask for me to do something sensible. If they don't, they gotta provide a reason. I'm not gonna blindly follow anyone, and that keeps me safe and helps me think critically.
As a child I was raised to be absolutely terrified of doing something wrong because I would be punished severely for it. Now, I have really bad anger issues, I get annoyed super easily, and I fall into depressive spirals often. Gentle parenting is absolutely the way to parent.
This. I have been learning a lot from this page. My Mum was/IS extremely Authoritarian and is always telling me that my Parenting choices will raise an entitled butt hole but she has a better grip on her emotions than some of his cohort.
Me: “Pfft my parents hit me and I turned out fine.” Also me: **has been in therapy since age 6 and acquires mental illness diagnoses like they’re Pokémon** Edit: y’all I’m doing pretty well now, I’m not looking for sympathy or attention. I just thought it was funny because I legit used to say shit like “my parents hit me and I turned out fine,” because I was bitter at other people for being treated with respect by the fathers when I never had that growing up. It’s not cute, quirky, or fun. But it’s mine to joke about… I used to say that if I ever have kids I’ll discipline them the way my parents did so that they don’t turn out disrespectful. I know better now because I’ve had time to reflect in therapy and figure out a lot of the messed up bits of myself that I didn’t recognize were still even there. Therapy isn’t the bad part, I actually love therapy.
I raised mine this way and lemme tell ya, that kid is respectful, confident, and gentle with others as a result. It’s about respecting your kids autonomy and personhood.
Your oldest is so thoughtful for bringing this up. She brought up a good compromise and knew you wouldn't intentionally sell her short. That's a great outcome!
Even shorter term, my four year old has the craziest emotional maturity and she is so good at problem solving even like those pretend problems young children think that have. I swear I have the most reasonable child ever. Giving respect without commanding it back immediately while treating them like people and showing them love is such a beautiful experience.
I once dated a woman who had 3 kids and all she ever did was scream and yell at them and you could definitely see all that screaming and yelling take a huge effect on those kids. All they did was be bad all the time no matter what they had zero respect for any adult and were nothing but brats, all the while my child is as nice and gentle and kind and generous as one could be. And the only difference was that I never ever screamed or yelled at my child I always just talked to her kindly no matter what the situation was because I found out that if you just simply talk to your kids they are more willing to open up to you. As I always say to my daughter just always be honest and never lie and always say how you feel even if it might hurt, you can never go wrong with being honest.
The way I’ve always thought about gentle parenting is that it’s simply treating your children like whole autonomous human beings. Speaking to them calmly the way you would want someone to speak to you. Treating them fairly the way you would want someone to treat you. Not using physical punishment when they make mistakes the same way you wouldn’t want someone to put their hands on you when you make a mistake. Having compassion for them and their experiences/feelings bc you know how comforting it is when someone shows you compassion. Listening to and validating their thoughts and opinions the way you like to be listened to and validated. Gentle parenting is simply treating your children the way you would want to be treated. This is how you raise kind and compassionate adults.
Yes!! I hate when I hear about parents who punish their kids when they make mistakes. A child spilled juice on the couch, and your going to yell and spank them for it?? Makes no sense
How old are they if anything depending on age make them clean it while you watch honestly they would be more careful because they don't want to clean it next time
Your eldest sounds like an amazing and caring girl. That was so cool that she came up with that on her own to change rooms. Very considerate! She is smart too, I like how she negotiated with you. I think that was a fair exchange.
I totally understand wanting to make a room yours! When my mom and I moved into a house while I was in school I was going through alot and just wanted a space to decompress! So 2 cans of paint and some wallpaper border. my best friend and I made it MY ROOM!
Your eldest is so sweet for thinking of her siblings needs. Keep doing what you doin momma you obviously helping create thoughtful people who are a blessing to this society! 💖
I love your content momma, if I honestly evaluating my parenting style I do and have always done a lot of the gentle parenting, but finding your content has given me so much help. But mainly I love that you and your eldest interacting has given me great comfort, people think I am doing something wrong when they see us having little jabs at each other and dying laughing at each other
My eyes were like 👀 just looking at the movement of these 2 blue gummy worms open and close. Argh!!! Her eye make-up is lovely….that lipstick was just 😬
I was one of the few first real generation of kids who got “gentle parented” and I have been told on so many occasions how well rounded I am, how good of a person, I am how so many people have never met someone like me, and I 100% contribute it to the fact that my parent always treated me like a human being, and never once made me feel like I was an alien, or like I was inconveniencing her simply for being alive. 99% of the time I don’t even think I’m doing anything drastic or special. I’m just doing things that I feel like I’ve known for a very long time. I act with kindness and empathy, but I have a very strong sense of boundaries and understanding of myself. seeing parents document their gentle parenting just sends me back to when I was young. and it just makes me feel so thankful now. your kids are going to be so grateful for the ways that you’re teaching them in the way that you’re treating them. You’ll never have to worry about being put in a nursing home lol
Oh how I needed this today! It really is the "long game" and exhausting marathon of a "long game" and when my Mum gets Authoritarian with my Daughter I feel insane anxiety when I yell: "Yo! I am raising a Human NOT Hitler! Stop the Sgt. Major routine!" I will admit that at 5yrs my Daughter responds better to "this is why" or "choice theory" a whole lot better than "Because I said so, dammit"
We are still tweaking our responses. My husband isn't fully aware of how authoritative his responses are. We have 2 kids with ADHD and are extra sensitive to tone and wording. So there is a bit of my kids giving him feedback on how they felt and what he could change.
@@ladytimeoin - We have an alternate reality, Daddy has ADHD and his Father was Authoritarian and I am waiting for a Sensory and Autism diagnosis so I struggle with remaining calm when I am over stimulated
Honestly I’m a struggling gentle parent who grew up in a straight up abusive environment and it’s so hard not to relapse into what was ingrained in me. I felt like it just wasn’t working recently and that I just didn’t have the gentle parent in me that I always wanted to be but yesterday, I went to my kids preschool conferences and they told me they were easily their favorite kids in the class. They said that they’re helpful and sweet and funny and what struck me was the teacher for my youngest telling me that he regularly walks away from frustrating situations and goes and sits by himself to breathe and that chooses the library couch over the safe space to do so and I thought that was amazing because his dad Always takes him to our living room couch to sit and breathe and talk about how he’s feeling. It all made me realize that even though they’re crazy at home where their comfy, the lessons we impart are still hitting home where it matters. So to any struggling gentle parents out there, you’re not failing near as much as you may feel you are! Keep at it!
yeah i gave my brother the bigger room in our old house, and in the one we just moved to… i feel like i don’t need to much space as a teenager (my brother is 5 for reference)
I've always parented this way, my eldest 25 and my teen and 10 Yr old are fabulous kids, I've never had one problem with any of them, they respect me and I respect them, no selfishness or fighting, good college students and graduates and now they are my greatest achievement I'm so proud of them and their kind hearts. Play the long game it works
My parents raised me by explaining their decisions and with mutual love and respect. They didn’t know that were gentle parenting, but honestly they should be writing parenting books.
