My mom always told me "you'll never get in trouble for spilling something but you will be in trouble for not cleaning it up," which I appreciated bc I was a very mess-prone kid.
My mom tried, she always said stuff like that, but she’s really bad at managing her stress. So I would never be formally “punished”, but my GOD, the screaming…
@@eileensnow6153 I will take people who should have known not to have children for 500 Alex (Not meaning your mom in particular but people who can't hold in their emotions
@@NoThankUBeQuiet No, she was straight-up a bad mom, I got removed from her and my dad’s custody lol. But you’re right, it’s a big reason why I don’t want kids. Plants and pets don’t have complex emotional needs!
My mom was the same way. All of us, including her, were accident prone asf, and spilling and/or breaking something got me in trouble at my dad's so I'd freak out about it at first. She reassured me every time that it's fine, shit happens, just get it cleaned up.
I got yelled at every time I spilled something when I was a kid, which was a lot. Even as an adult I got a hysterical reaction if I spilled something. Once I spilled something and started freaking out and almost crying and my bf looked at me like I’m insane and that’s when I realized that’s not normal.
So glad I wasn't eating or drinking because that could have gone That could have taken a hard left...that line floored me... I swear sometimes she's just speaking what my brain is thinking.
My mom fluctuated between: 1) you little sh** what the f did you do? To: 2) no ...worries I'll help you. Never knew which version of mom I was going to get. Sometimes I got the first until she beat me and calmed down to become the second version. Fun times.
I love how in the second clip she doesn’t verbally acknowledge the tears, she just treats it like it’s normal. She doesn’t tell the kid to bottle up their feelings or to let it out, she just lets it be, and by her silence it’s implied that it’s completely allowed and okay to cry. It’s so nice.
Yeah, confirmation of emotions can go sideways just as much as denial can. It can teach kids that big outbursts of emotions get them out of shit and can encourage more sensitivity. Of course some situations call for the acknowledgment but just ignoring it can clue the kid that tears aren't necessary and it wasn't that bad/scary.
@@Hi_Im_AkwardSome kids cry automatically when startled/stressed, and they don’t even know why. It’s likely a carryover from infancy that just hasn’t faded. (Not arguing against your point, trying to add to it)
I went from bursting out laughing at “buddy I think you missed” to feeling tears in my eyes at “no one’s in trouble” because I would’ve been cursed out by my mom if it were me, speaking from experience
I would have been yelled at and treated like the worst person in the world for at LEAST the rest of the day by mom and then when she told dad, I'd be beaten.
@@darthrevan8640Unfortunately, if you get the wrong beta testers, they play the game all kinds of wrong and then complain about the game not having a feature that it was never designed to have. Also the beta testers aren't paid nearly enough by the beta testers guild (idk how best to phrase it, teachers are underpaid)
I really love how she frames these situations to show the adult deriving their own humour from the situation. Sometimes the gentle parenting focus is so much on the child that it's easy to get lost in this over indulgent, emotionally mollycoddling way of talking to children. I think she does a great job of showing how that just doesn't have to be the case and you can still be a sarcastic, dry humoured parent.
Worst thing you can do is downgrading your own speaking skills because you're talking to a toddler. My trained side cringes everytime I hear "time to go bubu" or smth like that. Turn down the information output with your statements and come through quickly but no need to act as if you're mentally impaired when you're around toddlers and children.
@@blondechimera5275 she shows pushover tendencies on the first examples. On the second example she often shows a very assertive and firm attitude, just more respectful instead of aggressive. I think its great how in the second example she has the kid participate in the cleaning instead of cleaning everything for him. It teaches accountability.
@@walqqr1 I understand, I appreciate the second part of her videos as that is the kind of mother I'd like to be in the future, she just ruffled my feathers so to speak, and that's why I commented what I did.
@@blondechimera5275 But that’s the point of the comparison. She fully embraces the stereotype people have of gentle parenting during the first half of the videos to contrast them against actual effective gentle parenting that she uses
I really love how in the first scenario you "Came to the rescue" by cleaning everything up on your own; but in the second scenario you had them help you, and then you helped them learn how to do it properly. That makes such a huge difference.
The “no one’s in trouble” really gets to me. I remember being terrified of ever spilling anything for the yelling that would come after the spill. Even now as an adult I panic and apologise profusely if I spill something, like it was a huge deal. And people just usually laugh that I made such a big deal out of a spill
Some people sadly think kids deserve to be punished for making mistakes while learning how to do things. Grown ass adults still knock things over and spill things and they have been doing it for years. You cannot expect them to be perfect at something that they are just learning to do. You could have them practice things with supervision first, so that mistakes can be mitigated, and so that they are safe learning certain things, but mistakes are going to happen when learning new things. Screaming at them and punishing them won't prevent them from ever making mistakes again, but it may make them fearful or you and do worse things to hide them because they don't want to get screamed at.
My parents would always tell me "let us know if an accident happens, you won't be in trouble." In actuality, it was yelling, exasperation, and even a few "what's wrong with you?" from my mom. I was also not allowed to forget most accidents unless it was something simple like liquid in the kitchen. It would have helped so much with my confidence now as an adult if my parents were even slightly more like this.
As kids my brother’s and I splashed red punch on the ceiling (don’t ever slam a 5 gallon bucket down in a sink). My mom took it so gracefully even tho our ceiling has a red stain on it now😂
@@malinam.6932hi ❤John 3:16-18 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. 18 Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son.
"No one is in trouble" BEST. THING. EVER. Every little one worries about getting in trouble, especially if getting in trouble also meant having affection withheld from them. This type of parenting is so wholesome and wonderful! Thank you!
YES YES YES. The first mom almost induces fear of independence in her child by making a big deal about it and “babying” them as if was a scary experience instead of acknowledging what happened and teaching them from it like the second mom
dad used to jokingly call us minions cos he played a warlock in world of warcraft (if you don't know, they summon minion demons) but I always worried someone would misinterprete that in public XD
Have them practice in the bathtub. This is what did with my nephew when he was little. And it helped him with his balance. We would use a tub tray and put a bowl or short glass on it and he would use the bath water in a jug that we reused.
When I worked in childcare I ALWAYS recommended to the parents (as young as 8mo old) to bring them an open cup of water to drink in the bathtub to practice drinking from a cup (since we only used small plastic cups for the kiddos for milk and water) and you’d be surprised how quick they pick it up and use it properly. Until the parents let them play with the cup when they were done…the. They learned how to drink what they want and dump the rest all over themselves….so maybe don’t do that part 😂
The biggest difference with yours is not only do you teach your kid to help with the clean up but you also follow up with helping teach and give them confidence so they can do it right the next time. I love this.
What she highlights really nicely is that you don’t have to take autonomy and responsibility out of your childs hands to be a gentle parent. You acknowledge the happenings, the feelings that come with it and provide opportunity to solve it. That is all. Giving skills for you child to cope with everyday situations 😇
"Its okay it was an accident. No one's in trouble, you were trying your best, and that's enough." :,) :,( so bittersweet to hear things like this that i never got. But so grateful to have an example for word choice so I can learn for my own kids. ❤
I love the" WE are going to clean it up" I wish my parents were this collaborative and comprehensive of me I would just get a beating for this. With a belt
@@moonlitskylight5740 Oh I knew it alright But being 3 I couldnt do anything about it Im still stuck with them but Im much more selfaware now and am leaving soon thank god
Hitting kids is never Ok. wish my husband would understand with our son. He hits him over the dumbest things and gets mad at me when I call him out on it
It’s wild how much my inner hurt little girl responds to your nurturing through the screen. It’s like all the things I needed to hear but never did. Thanks for existing.
I was literally having a panic attack 3 mins ago and decided to open youtube to look at ur videos. You always make me feel ok. You're such an awesome imperfect perfect human!
watching her videos makes me emotional bc i was yelled at and name called for every minor inconvenience. i can thank my parents for my self esteem being so low
Same, ive literally been in a state of panic for DAYS trying to get myself to tell my roommate that i burned her cup 😩 I figured she wouldnt be too mad at me since it wasnt that bad, and she in fact was not mad at me and said it was ok, but because i was yelled at and belittled every time i tried to talk to my mom about stuff I find it so difficult to own up to shit now (outside of people i feel really close to). Think of how many functional humans wed have today if more parents were like this instead of just taking their trama and anger out on their kids 😮💨 Who did NOT ask to be here.
my mom would’ve gotten so mad at me and said “what happened here? no you’re gonna clean this up it’s your fault” and than whispers something she thinks i don’t understand but i do understand it and it hurts
I like this, bc as an adult if I spill something and make a mess in my own home- no one comes and screams at me. Like an accident is just that, and teaching how to clean up after them and move on is so much healthier.
I've had a grown adult almost have a panic attack when they accidentally tripped and broke one of my plates. I'm a huge klutz and I'd never freak out about anything breaking on accident so I just laugh a bit and reassured them its alright but it just makes me wonder how they were raised to believe that every little mistake needs to have a huge negative reaction x_x
Ugh that's me. I'd feel absolutely horrible if I did that too a friend. But when I was a kid I dropped the ceramic cookie jar lid and it broke and I got yelled at. That was a typical response if I spilled or broke anything.😑
It took me years to undo all the negative conditioning from my mom. I had to learn fear and anger is not the automatic response I need to have to every inconvenience
Eventhough my kids are 10 and 13 I love these vids. It is still relevant and I wish you were around when I had my kids young. I did naturally respond this way a lot of the time but, it wasn't as smooth and consistent as it should have been and seeing these would have been invaluable!
Lol I love these so much! They're really helping me be more assertive and straight-forward with my students at work. The first parts are the same as my thought process around my students, and the second parts are what I'm required to say to make sure they listen. My shyness isn't helping though 🤣
I wish this was my parents. They'd always yell at me and rush/scream at me to clean it up, as if the thing i spilled it onto was the most expensive thing in the world. This would always end in tears for me. Now when i spill something i freak the f out, and become extreemly agitated and emotional. Definetly will be doing this to my (maybe) future kids instead of my parents methode!
Similarly, if I broke a glass or a dish or something, I never got yelled at. My grandmother would always say "It's somebody's job to make that." (As in, if no dishes or glasses got broken, no one would ever need new ones, and people wouldn't have jobs.) It put things into perspective for me even as a kid. And, also, it was enormously helpful to not feel like it was something I'd done.
The first one sounded like she was about to lose it. Like she was holding in her anger😂 That’s what my mom sounded like when I was younger and was about to lose it😂😂😂
Vs. Reality in my mom's house, " GD, you just had to make a freaking mess. SOB, all u do is make more work, I just washed the damn floors! Just get the he// out of here and stay out of the kitchen!!!
My little bros had their own special milk jug. It was a mini one that used to hold honey. So there would be the regular gallon in the fridge and a baby jug next to it 😊 so damn cute
I can't imagine how much more emotionally equipped for life I'd be if my mom parented like you. Honestly I'm learning ay 24 how to talk to myself like this to back down from the brink of a meltdown when I accidentally make a big mess.
My mom was severely depressed growing up, I never knew which mom I’d have those days I accidentally spilled something, would I receive understanding or mental abuse? I therefore cried hysterically whenever I made a mess, even at daycare.
I love your parenting style and try to practice it with my 8 and 7 year old even though I'm young and trying. Me and my husband both came from abusive homes. I'm trying to be MUCH better than my parents, they were terrible.
Trying is the first step. Breaking the cycle of abuse is difficult, but you're clearly determined and you're not in this alone. Your kids will be able to look back on their childhood, and you, fondly because of it. Good luck!
This is so educational!! Thank you for the concrete examples of how to be gentle and supportive without being a pushover, leaving everyone much happier and empowered in the end
i have trauma from this. my mom used to shout and scream at me when i spilt things but it was always an accident. thank you for being so kind to your kids, its healing my inner childhood 💗💗💗
Don’t have kids.. yet lol currently preggo & I love these videos. I remember getting whooped over spilled milk, definitely don’t want to be that parent.
As someone with a coordination disorder, I am very glad that my parents were like this. You broke something and made a mess? Accidents happen; just make sure you’re more careful next time, and help clean it up.
I feel like how she parents is more gentle, making it funny and letting them know it’s just an accident rather than smothering them to the point they’re overwhelmed
How you actually parent is way better than the first one. It teaches the kid that even though accidents happen, he still has to take responsibility and fix them
I adore in this that the actual reaction is to have your kid help clean up the mess while also not framing it as a punishment. Messes happen and you need to clean them up. Trying to protect them from that will just hurt them in the long run
I don’t even have children yet, and had no idea what gentle parenting was before your videos. And now I can’t stop. Thank you for showing me what parenting can be like. For the first time in 30 years, I actually am excited to have children of my own knowing there’s ways like this to parent (I say this b/c my parents were horrible and it deterred me from ever wanting to bring children into the world)
One of the things I love in this episode is how you keep everything lighthearted an funny, which communicates that it is okay to laugh at mistakes and yourself when you make them. That is such an important mentality to be able to develop!😊
Pouring skills are intensely underrated. Nothing makes me prouder than watching my niece pour something without spilling! Those milk jugs are heavy! ♥️
I love that because completely hiding your kids from ever feeling adverse feelings, or having to fix a mess they made whether it’s just milk or a situation it’s not going to help them learn the skill of how they can do it on their own ❤
I have always refused to sugar coat and gentle parent my kids. They get so much more out of honest parenting and they are quickly becoming the types of adults that I am proud to say "Hey. I did that! "
It took me until my 20s to realize my parents weren't actually mad at my mistake, but rather mad that I just tried to ignore it or pretend it didn't happen. One time my parents had both cars parked in the driveway and I tried to fit my bike between them to put it in the garage and I managed to scratch both vehicles, bouncing my handlebars off one right into the other. Later that day my dad saw the scratch on his vehicle as he went to pull it into the garage and he was mad at me. I apologized. The next day is when he noticed the other scratch on the other car and he blew up at me, asking why I didn't even tell him about the other one when he confronted me about the first one. But in my experience I always got in trouble when they found out about something. So it taught me to not tell them and maybe it'd go unnoticed. But the longer it went before they noticed the more upset they'd be (because things would usually compound to become worse when left unresolved).
