How I'm healing my anxious attachment style 

First and foremost, the speaker embarks on an odyssey of self-diagnosis with the vigor of a hypochondriac armed with WebMD. Claiming to have discovered the term "anxious attachment style," they exhibit a profound misunderstanding of both the theory and its application. Attachment theory is a robust and nuanced field developed through decades of empirical research, not a BuzzFeed quiz result. Yet, here, it is reduced to a convenient label to justify every relational hiccup. The speaker’s narrative is riddled with a breathtaking array of logical fallacies. Let’s start with the self-serving bias. The assertion that their past relationships failed "partly due to the fact that I was anxiously attached" conveniently absolves them of deeper introspection and responsibility. Blaming one's attachment style for relational failures is akin to attributing a poor diet to the shape of your spoon. Moreover, the video is a masterclass in the confirmation bias. The speaker cherry-picks instances from their relationships that align with their newly embraced identity as anxiously attached, while conveniently ignoring any evidence to the contrary. This selective storytelling serves to bolster their narrative while leaving no room for alternative explanations. We then encounter the false cause fallacy. The speaker suggests a direct causal link between childhood experiences and adult attachment styles without acknowledging the complexity of human development. Yes, childhood can influence attachment, but it’s not a deterministic blueprint. It’s a bit more intricate than "parents were inconsistent; hence, I pry like Sherlock Holmes." The speaker's purported solutions to their anxious attachment are a blend of the obvious and the absurd. The suggestion to "communicate your needs" is as groundbreaking as suggesting hydration for a headache. Yet, the notion of sitting next to one's anxiously attached identity and parenting it like a neglected child ventures into the realm of the ludicrous. If this approach were effective, therapists worldwide would be out of a job. The speaker’s romanticization of the avoidant-anxious dynamic as a growth opportunity is particularly galling. They posit that this toxic interplay "produces the most insane growth for both of you." This is a dangerous oversimplification. Research indicates that such dynamics often perpetuate cycles of insecurity and emotional turmoil rather than fostering growth. Let us not overlook the overgeneralization sprinkled throughout. The sweeping statements about avoidant and anxious individuals being "extremely attracted to each other" and the reduction of complex human behaviors to attachment styles are as reductive as they are inaccurate. Relationships are multifaceted and cannot be neatly categorized into psychological archetypes. Lastly, the delivery of the video is a study in self-importance. The speaker’s tone oscillates between patronizing and condescending, as if bestowing pearls of wisdom upon an audience desperate for enlightenment. The reality is, the advice offered is either commonsensical or veers into the realm of amateur psychoanalysis. In conclusion, this video is a muddled mess of psychological buzzwords, illogical conclusions, and unearned self-assurance. It masquerades as insightful while peddling surface-level understanding and, at times, outright misinformation. Viewers would be better served seeking guidance from reputable sources rather than indulging in this verbose, narcissistic soliloquy.

Cole, I like this style of videos instead of the highly edited ones much better. No music, it feels spontaneous like someone is just chilling with me and talking to me about problems. Besides, I'm sure it's easier to make for you as well.

Thanks for sharing your experience with this Cole. I think it should really resonate with everyone. Here’s a passage this reminded me of from The Brothers Karamozov: He was that sort of jealous man who, in the absence of the beloved woman, at once invents all sorts of awful fancies of what may be happening to her, and how she may be betraying him, but, when shaken, heartbroken, convinced of her faith-lessness, he runs back to her; at the first glance at her face, her gay, laughing, affectionate face, he revives at once, lays aside all suspicion and with joyful shame abuses himself for his jealousy. I think whenever our jealousy or worry from unfounded attachment gets in the way of us loving, i.e. being happy for the person doing great things to further their individuality and live their life, then we need to take a step back and reevaluate our relationship with this person as to save yourself, them, or both of you from passionate and impossible pain. Make sure you’re not deluding yourself through romanticism and just try your best to be grateful for the good times you were blessed to have had with this person up to this point, and treat them with grace. “It takes strength to be gentle and kind” -Morrissey, I Know It’s Over

You're a hero you proved that a lot of people aren't really good at heart or at the very least don't have good intentions for others I've seen too many things make use of vulnerability nowadays and all some people can think of is how creepy I am for posting this comment

Can resonate a lot. Especially the reassurance. If I think someone is ignoring my message I spiral into depression. As soon as they get back to me I spring back to normal. Sometimes I tear up because it makes me realize I'm worthy of being responded too. One thing that's helped me is going to large concerts/events where social interactions are fleeting. It's helped me realize that I don't need to always be hovering around a group to feel connected to it. The best friend groups are the ones that let you roam freely.

Thank you, your personal experience helped me to reflect on my attachement issues. Btw, I like this "unfiltered" formats

This couldn't have come at a more perfect time. Thank you for sharing this so much, Cole.

This is so accurate. Especially that part where you said your anxious attachment got worse the closer to the end of a relationship. That's exactly how my last girlfriend and I ended. I got super anxiously attached and was seeking more and more validation until she eventually had enough. My mom is bipolar so I'm pretty sure that's why I was like that. Now, I don't think I'm as anxiously attached since I've spent so long alone. Great video man. I like these longer videos that I can just listen to.

I've just finished reading "Attached" and then this video pops up. Cole, are you stalking me?😵 All jokes aside, I did all the quizzes that were there and I got me having a secure attachment style in general, but kind of a mix between anxious and secure when it comes to romantic relationships. I'm so relieved and grateful you made this video so I can have more tools to understand/heal my attachment style. Love you brother.

Very important topic, great that you're sharing, Cole.

That's a problem I don't even know if I have, because I've never had a girlfriend. Not officially at least and I turned 30 😢 However, the need for a girlfriend and intimacy is real. Like sometimes I just wish I had someone that I can be affectionate with. Instead, I just alone with my own thoughts which make me feel that I'm unlovable. This also leads me to reach out to people I shouldn't just to escape my loneliness which ends up making me feel worse when I don't receive the attention I craved; I receive quite the opposite.

Cole, also I am healing from this aswell. It's been a uphill grind but I know you got this

Yes sir! Personal time with cole. I would love just a vlog of what you do daily no crazy editing or anythinf

Hey Cole, thanks for your Videos. Your Videos already helped me during a hard breakup and I woul like so say thank you for that. I can feel that you really mean the things you are saying in your Videos and I respect that. I can see some points from this Video in myself and I think there is some work for me to do. Keep up the good work and stay safe! Greetings from Germany.

Lucky I’m not insecure but I’m glad to hear your story Cole besides your different and better than these fitness influencers

man it’s hard out here but trying my best to better myself and be a better partner

I really needed to know that right now!! Thank you for sharing your thoughts

I love your videos. You talk about stuff that matters.

Good one. Thanks for sharing brother ❤

Hi

Literally me 🤓

6

Wait is this channel real?

You’re cute.