How Narcissistic Are You? 

Something I forgot to say in the video is that putting yourself in someone else's shoes can be really helpful for people who struggle with empathy. Taking the time to imagine experiencing what someone else is experiencing has been proven to help people with NPD to empathise. Also, please don't use this video to figure out how to help someone else to change! People with NPD usually don't change because they don't consistently want to. This video is aimed at people who do want to become more self aware and less narcissistic. Even NPD is on a spectrum and those who are most damaged will not be able to feel love/empathy. They might need a therapy that helps them to release some of their trauma as well as a longer term talking therapy.

I am THE most un-narcissistic person, believe me. Nobody is more empathic than me, and if they are, then it dosent matter and dont believe it. Super empath HSP INFJ ive been told by people at harvard, top people, friends and family too, people on the street. Street people always tell me how humble I am, its very true, smart people, I am the best at being humble. I am very intelligent too, some say genius, i dont im humble, but others do, very important people. This test was easy, 100% pass, I win, next.

It's funny how love is kind of like a currency. Overcoming a lack of unconditional love in childhood is just as hard as getting out of poverty when you've grown up in it.

My mother was a narcissist. When I was a child I had a hobby making small rocking chairs out of wooden clothes pegs. She didn't care until I made one for my neighbour who thought they were cute. My mother was mad that I giving one I was making to the neighbour instead of her??? At the time narcissist wasn't in my vocabulary but I was astute enough to pick up on my mother only caring when I wanted to give the rocking chair to someone else and I didn't allow her to guilt me into not giving it. My neighbour (who was elderly and like a surrogate grandmother to me) displayed the chair with all her other ornaments and it made me feel proud. My mother would never have put my chair on the mantlepiece because it didn't fit with her proper ornaments. Narcissists are just the worst and I doubt any of them would ever click on this video because they don't ever see a problem with or question their own behaviour. Everyone else is always the problem. They are always the victim.

When I was younger I was a lot more narcissistic. I remember feeling frequently threatened or insecure and competitive and aggressive with other people. But it was just emotional immaturity, so with time and reflection I changed. I think it's interesting that consumerism/capitalism promotes the idea of entitlement or status or luxury as sources of satisfaction and happiness when perhaps humility and contentment and kindness are better sources.

I would love a follow up video elaborating on the end of this one - how to create a more selfless, kind, vulnerable and authentic version of yourself, or how to stop hiding behind your narcissistic traits.

Your the sweetest young lady ever, I love your loving energy!

I have Avoidant Personality Disorder and I think there are definitely some crossover traits with NPD, just some are expressed differently (different reaction to extremely low self-esteem). I really couldn't describe how I felt at the end when you talked about trusting people and giving/returning love. I live a life devoid of trust or love at this point (I'm afraid to give but also to receive it) so it felt really alien to me, I guess I can definitely relate to a narcissist in that way. I definitely have a few traits but it's hard to admit because I don't want to hurt anyone or manipulate anybody. Just the concept really distresses me and makes me feel ashamed. Anyway, I really appreciate these videos. I can't say whether my parents are definitively narcissists, but I definitely experienced abuse. It's great how you give victims the power to examine abusers and themselves.

Reflecting on it, I realize, there are so many narcissists outthere! Myself included. I may not be a full on grandiose Narcissist but I do have narcissistic traits. And especially the myka stauffer footage was eye opening. I know so many women that act like that. In school I struggled to keep up with this behaviour because the more you act like myka, the more success you have. It's the same now between mothers. The ones that act like that, are always the center of attention and most of the other women gather around them and praise them. I feel so uncomfortable with this behaviour but I have shown it too. Especially with my narcissistic mother because she wanted me to be this perfect doll. It's really difficult because narcissistic behaviour is so common and society is structured in a way, that rewards narcissistic behaviour.

This is me. It runs in my family and I’ve become very very self aware lately. I strive everyday to become a better person.

I'm loving the comment section here! So much honest and open self-reflection from people wanting to become the best versions of themselves. Thank you Zoe, your videos are inspiring and valuable to many of us.

Yikes! I never thought of myself as narcissistic but I definitely get defensive/overly hurt when my husband and points out things I have done wrong, and I also want to win over everyone I come in contact with, especially new people. I guess it’s better to learn this about myself even if it sucks. But at least I can be more aware and change my behavior.

I’m afraid I’m a narcissist unfortunately. I couldn’t even get half way through this video without saying this 😢😩 What a great video, I enjoy listening to your perspective, and it makes me want to examine my behavior and motivations for why I am a bit self centered at times.

I love this video so much. I’ve been working to heal from a relationship I went through with a narcissist. Part of that journey has been analyzing myself, my boundaries, the love I think I deserve, and my own toxic traits. I really appreciate this video for that reason!

I was so excited for this video! Only five minutes in and you are articulate, relatable and thoughtful as always. Fabulous work. 😊

Would it be possible to do a video on how 2 narcissists interact with each other? What is their relationship like?

Thank you for making this video. I feel ashamed when I look at myself and think how I have some of these traits and then think nobody else is struggling with these things. It helps to learn that these things can be unlearned and that change is truly possible (and also to do it slowly, instead of trying to force it to happen overnight). It’s a relief to learn I’m not alone too. Love your videos. They are so helpful and hopeful!

I interrupt people a lot but I'm aware and trying to work on it. I don't know why I do it :(

I remember as kid feeling entitled to walk across people’s lawns or yards to get somewhere. But now I know how irksome that is.

I really appreciate this. I have three kids and I was raised by someone with narcissistic tendencies. I desperately want to break the pattern for my children's sake. Thank you again.

Narcissism is extreme selfishness and pride. I think we all have the inclination to be that way especially if we grew up with parents that are like that. Takes alot of work to truly care for and have patience for others.

You almost convinced me I’m a narcissist 🤣. There was hardly a single thing you said to which I could truthfully say, “no I never did that”; “no I never felt even a bit like that”.

I think I’m complete opposite end of this. I never feel worthy and almost always feel like I’m less than other people etc.

So I'm battling covid right now and instead of studying during my quarantine time (I'm not normally a sloth, I just need a break), I'm binging all your videos. Here's a big ❤️ THANK YOU ❤️ for not running ads and letting us binge in peace 🙏🤟

You sneaky little kid! 😁 A very cute story! I think I am low on the narcissist scale in my 40s, but likely was much more narcissistic in my 20s. Is that normal? I feel like we change so much over time. Life tends to knock the narcissist out of you! Love your content as always!

That was an impressive one! Thank you! I really appreciate that you offer concrete action towards the end.

Love this video. I'm pleased to say, at 66yrs, I don't identify any of the traits. But as I say this, I also have to add, I am able to identify having had to work through trits mentioned here, in my younger years. I did not understand these traits to be narcissistic back then - but they were traits that were causing me problems in relationships. Which at the same time, I initially believed were caused by the others (the problems I mean) only to have to finally realise, I was the common denominator. So it was myself I needed to be looking at. I thnk this is a truly valuable video, and the insights are very valuable indeed. Thank you for this.

The most important thing is to be honest with ourselves. None of us are perfect. When i was younger, i used to get jealous of others and think about myself a lot more often. Even now it’s hard not to feel resentment when i don’t get what i want, but i find it easier to accept that it’s not all about me.

Thanks for putting this in a really compassionate way. Sometimes the label of "narcissism" and "narcissistic behavior" (apart from NPD) is used as a pagoritive to criticize others, but it's really a call for some self-relection. Being called narcissistic often activates more shame in others and it exasserbates the breakdown of communication. Not to mention people calling others narcisstic is probably a form of projection anyway. I found mindfulness and working on my c-ptsd triggers through EMDR and mindfulness has really helped improve my relationship with the people I love and who love and me, and most importantly helped my own self-image and has really helped with my depression. Realizing we all have a tendency toward narcissism (perhaps its a survival mechanism) helps, and also now realizing most people with these selfish, blame-shifting behaviors are also damaged and need compassion has helped me forgive more. Alls this is to say, everyone could use time to self-relect and think objectively about their relationships and behaviors. We all need therapy!

This helped me a lot in realizing some of my narcissistic traits. Things I didn’t know that are considered narcissistic. Thank you for making this video and bringing more awareness into aspects of my life that I want to change!

An opportunity for reflection and course correction. How very helpful! I’ve rewatched your video on codependent multiple times because I learned so much about myself and my contributions to previous unhealthy relationships. I’ve learned so much from you.

I wait for all the pushy people to board the plane first and then board with the humble people who also waited. It’s like a breath of fresh air.

When a new video from you arrives , it always makes me very happy. And because of this theme, the news, THIS new video about our own narcissism has arrived, brings even a big fat smile on my face. Thank you so much for your work. Your work is gold! So I start now.... 👋🏻

Wow. I haven’t watched a single video that questions my thoughts, feelings and actions before. Really well put and thought provoking x

I can’t express how much I needed this! I identify with so much of what you’ve said - It’s hard to come to terms with my brain’s leaps in logic (especially about jealousy, personally!) but it makes it a little easier to be so lovingly guided by such a gentle and bright being. Thank you.❤️

Great timing for this video. Taking a few moments to self-reflect is a good thing.

A lot of people say when they first met me they weren't too sure about me, or didn't like me, I have no idea why to be honest, but then say how they got it wrong and actually really like me. I get on with almost everyone, Someone once told me that if another person seems rude or nasty when you first meet them, give them another chance, try and talk to them in private, 9 times out of 10 there's something going on in their life's and they are just having a bad time. There was a very rude lady at my local shop. I snapped back at her , but then felt bad so went back and apologised. It turned out she was the sole carer for her elderly mother who had dementia. Her mother would shout at her at night time and call her all sorts of horrible things, she said she still loves her mum but she doenst like her and sometines resents having to look after her. Imagine how heartbreaking that must be, she said she hates herself for how she sometimes just wants to put her mum into a home and not see her again. When I see her in the shop it's obvious when she is having a bad day so i do the simple thing of asking her how she is , and that I have so much respect for her , to hold down a full time job and care for her mother at the same time , when her mum doesn't remember her most of the time and gives her emotional abuse. That takes a strong woman. And to think my initial judgement was that she was disrespectful and nasty and had no respect for others. Turns out she is the polar opposite. I want to tell her to think about gettin help and to find a local care home for her Mum. But have no idea if that's my place or how to approach the conversation. She seems pretty isolated from what I gather. Her father has passed away, she has no children and is divorced from her husband, and her sister lives 4 hours drive away. Anyone have an opinion or advice on that?

Fantastic video…really appreciate your work!

How many people found out there a narcissistic person after watching this video?

I am so happy to see a new video from you! Thank you! I had a rough day earlier with my family and how badly they make me feel sometimes. I look forward to your work, and that notification from your channel was a good reminder to take some time for me, and to reset after a challenging day. Sending love and thanks!

Your so beautiful and sincere. Your even temper and honest and direct look in the eyes, you command respect in a good way. Your not deceived or intimidated. All the narcissistic man will run away from you! Good job!

I really appreciated the theme park story as someone who struggles with guilt over selfish childhood acts, it was good to remind me you were just a kid and the fact that you feel bad means you've hopefully grown!

I have been waiting for this yay! I have a feeling I’m going to flunk this lol but I’m going to do it anyway. Thx ahead of time 😊 🙏 ☀️

Thank you for your quality channel, and the good energy you're putting into it! Always a pleasure to watch.

This is so good. Also one that needs listening to more than just once. And your points in the end...👌💗. Change has to be genuine indeed, from the inside out. You are really inspiring to listen to❤️.

One of my worst habits is interrupting people during meetings. I’m embarrassed every time, yet the terrible habit persists.

Interpersonal dynamics are endlessly fascinating. Thanks for your thoughts and perspectives on narcissism. And I've been in Thailand a few times and when it rains it does not kid around...!

I love your videos!!!😃😃Have you ever considered starting a podcast? I feel like the long, “deep dive” format of a lot of you video series would work really well as a podcast series.

Oh my gosh that is soo true about some people I’m my life.. how they’re not interested in what other people have to say.. you’re a listening service! 💯

Thank you for making this video. I put a lot of my own self worth into my education, that is how I measure my success and you've helped to remind me that it's not the whole picture, love is always unquestionably more...deep and enriching. I believe some of my flaws stem from the insecurities I haven't healed yet.

This was fantastic. You really went in-depth and made it so detailed with all the examples and exceptions. I also loved the practical advice, especially at the end. I wish more conditions / personality styles / pathologies had videos like this to replace some of the online quizzes out there. So many of these quizzes just kind of paraphrase the standard DSM checklists, which makes it harder to answer the questions definitively.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!! You have finally given me an answer as to why I am s**t on by certain 'Family' members. I seriously feel freedom from a lot of burdens I have put on myself through narcissistic abuse of my Family. Love and light to you always ❤❤

Big thumbs up! Really helpful. And the last part with the questions-superb! (I also liked this cute squirrel in your backyard ;)

I love your videos. Thank you for sharing this. I am definitely going to work on myself more. You brought up things that hit home for me. Thank you again 💖.

Thank you so much for making these videos. I've worried about whether I am carrying any narcissistic fleas as a result of my upbringing from a terribly abusive and narcissistic mother. Turns out I am! But I also believe with age this is getting better. , I now have a better understanding of why I am the way that I am. Your channel has played a massive part in this and I am so grateful.

The landscape looks amazing! After seeing the hills I can't stop wondering where do you live. It looks beautiful and exotic. Great video, by the way, makes one look inside and reconsider. Thanks

Most of these hit home for me. I hope it's not too late for change, although I know how much damage I have done. Shame and being afraid are my deepest feelings unfortunately. I've enjoyed much of your content, thank you for helping me undestand myself and others time after time.

What does the other person have to be for you to be interested? Me with severe social anxiety: not talking to me

I’m a people pleaser, who was abused as a child. I remember the exact time period that I sectioned off my mean parts of myself because I realized I had no friends. I realized that being kind to others led to connections. I apologized and tried to fix it, but mostly out of my own need to connect. I also do not trust people... Definitely not until they show themselves to be trustworthy-I’ve been too hurt for that! So yes, I relate to wanting validation (bc gaslit my whole childhood by a narc), and making people a “target” to connect with when I first meet them so that they like me. Idk if I’m narcissistic, I think it’s more C-PTSD/clingy attachment style thing. Idk 🤷‍♀️

Just can’t thank you enough for your helpful exploration and insights!

I realise that this is an old video, but I've just found it and it's been a huge help. I'm just at the end of a 12 year abusive relationship with a Narcissist, and over that period I've gone from a reasonably balanced, happy individual to a total psychological mess. I came here to find out if the was 'me' or partner that had the Narcissism, as I've been put through so much (gaslighting etc.) that I felt that I might actually be the messed up one. This has served to answer that question, and help me to get that straight in my head. Thankfully, I only identified with a small amount of the content personally, but it rings true almost exactly for partners persona. Thank you SO much for this content, your work here has true value. Please keep helping people with your channel. Much Love and Respect to you. ❤

Dear Zoe Thank you again for another great video! I look forward to seeing your new videos. I hope all is well there? You are an amazing woman, you have no idea how much you help me! ❤️❤️❤️ Have a wonderful weekend!❤️🙏🏻❤️

🤣🤣 I love your story on the “lost parents” that was great!

Fantastic talk. I completely agree with everything you said about what is important to consider significant qualities and qualifiers of the people in our lives. I pride myself on not being a status chaser, but I do have utterly humiliating parts of my personality too that I have to fight hard. I love this topic. It is important to analyze one's motivations.

Nice one, keep them coming. Love from Shetland xxx

I've been Questuin myself for so long but after this video i understand that i'm a pretty good person!

Wow! Another very helpful video. Scoring much higher on these narc factors than I'd like. Gotta work on myself. Thank you very sincerely.

This is a wonderful and optimistic video. I have many of these feelings I try to be a good person, and I am aware that I am not more special than other people. I was raised by a narcissistic sociopath, and I fight against these tendencies.

Zoe, I really appreciate your channel so much and truly believe this is how the world can change - being self aware, healing and genuinely loving ourselves and others. ❤ I'm a total extrovert, extremely talkative, empathic, and used to listen about 80% of the time for most of my life. I truly care for people no matter who they are or what they do. Once I realized I wasn't getting anything out of the relationships I was in, I stepped back a bit and started setting boundaries. Unfortunately, I've realized there aren't as many kind, loving people that I thought there were. I've only met one person in my entire life who genuinely seemed interested in hearing about me. Sadly, she's not in my life any more. Now I don't have any friends besides my daughter and husband. That's it. I'm chronically ill and can't go out much and miss interacting with people, but when I am able to get out once in a while, most people seem self absorbed, which is exhausting for me. I used to have energy for that, but not any more. I'm just rambling on, but this really hit me because I am naturally the opposite of what was described in this video and its just sad that I've never experienced a friend like I've been to others. I guess I'm grieving that reality. I guess I just made this about myself. LOL

You gave great descriptions of Narcissistic traits vs. full-on Narcissism. Thank you! You really validated my opinion that my ex-husband was a full blown Narcissist, and I’m glad I left him when I did. Thank you Zoe. I hope you’re doing well. 💜

I seriously doubt my narc ex would care to know "How Narcissistic Are You?"

Loved this, thank you. Really makes me question myself, especially as I keep feeling everyone else is narcissistic 😂😂😂

Thank you so much for this video! It was super difficult to watch at parts, but it forced me to reflect on a lot of my behavior. As embarrassing as it is, here I am nearly in my 30s realizing I tend to be very immature and even child like and self absorbed and simply put it’s the reason I haven’t gotten very far in life. Thank you for always putting out such insightful and great content! I’m a stranger but hope all is well

That’s exactly what I thought about the priority lane on planes 🤣

As I get older...I find myself having less interest in people, I also have a lower degree of tolerance....specially for those who all they do is take and take. I don’t consider myself a narcissist, I’m actually a great listener, I’m compassionate and I have empathy for other people’s difficulties and bad experiences in life. When it comes to relationships and friendships, I am a giver... I’m a supportive friend ...constant, loving and solid friend. But I don’t get the same from my friends and the people around me. (Never ever) . And to be honest, I have reach a point in my life where ... I want to be there for myself before someone else, if people don’t value my time and my friendship...then I no longer want them in my life. I reach the point were I no longer want to accommodate others. I now want to be more selective when it comes to who do I allow in my life, who do I give my friendship to. I want more intelligent people in my life, specially people with a higher emotional intellect. I want to spend my time with people who talk about social topics, political subjects, religion, social injustice, the history of the world....lovers of nature and all things beautiful, people who are not afraid to be transparent with their character, people who have more things to talk about besides their material gains or how they are the best ones at their fucking jobs! I’m exhausted of ignorant and mediocre people. ( Does this make me a narcissist? ) I think if anything, they are more narcissist than I could ever be!

god I can’t even imagine thinking I should treat or judge other people based on a “worth scale”

Really helpful video, thank you!

Oh wow, I figured something out during the talk about competitive thing. I have an aunt who is about my age so we grew up together and she did that. Everything was a constant competition and I never understood why. I couldn't say I scraped my knee without her listing all the ways she'd been hurt way worse than I was. It went on and on all the time. She'd ditch me the minute anyone better came along. It always hurt me deeply and she hasn't spoken to me since we turned 18 but it suddenly makes a lot of sense now what happened there. This was very helpful. Aw, that poor little girl. She must have really loved having that attention from you.

I appreciate your videos. I talk too much, and regularly catch myself seeing the worst in people. 🙄😵🤔 👍

I have fleas. I'm trying to get rid of them. My sister is a narcissist and a lot of conversations with her we "well, I also", and I took that on in my early 20's. My friend called me out and I felt so guilty. Took a long time but I became an active listener, most of the time. Sometimes I make it about me, like right now ;)

Oh my word, what you said about the competition thing really resonated. I have my faults as well, but I seem to know so many people for whom this is a major issue. I'm trained...like I just did, to end every competitive-esque exchange with the caveat "not saying that I am any better" or some such, just so they won't get defensive.

This is probably the most helpful narcissistic self diagnose video I have seen. I think everyone will find something they do that is narcissistic, the point is where do we draw the line and what is considered too much or even clinical. I have gotten all my narcissistic traits from my father and luckily knew how ugly and bad it is at an early age and have been working hard to beat it. Still got work to do, but think I am already at a much better place

Great video!!!👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻❤️

Thank you for this video

I was obsessed with my looks after a traumatic experience I had when I was 18, I still am, more than decade later.. but a lil less and it feels good to be able to let go... but the thing with me was always trying to be invisible, I felt ugly, so I used make up to stop people staring or pointing my flaws, like how tired I look, my dark circles , my skin.. I wanted to be unnoticed.

I totally don’t get the idea about rushing it to the plane. You are totally right.

"Oh there's Susan" :-) Very funny. Another super excellent video.

Wouldn't we all love to be the most special and the most important ? Personally I am starting to trust people a little. Another good upload . Thankyou :)

Yay she's back! ❤️

Helpful reminder for growth!

Watching this, I thought, let me watch out for what applies to me, then realised I kept thinking, no, this only happens to XY, but actually I felt a little angry and attacked every once in a while about what you mentioned in a quite not so attacking manner, so I'm guessing I need to be coming back to this video with a nice cup of tea and my mental filters turned off! ;) pretty much the same with your video about co dependency. Definitely studying material here, thanks a lot for this one. 💐🌻

The jumping the line story!! 😂😂I'm glad you stopped that, my Dad hasn't!

I LOVE your tone in this one😁

Amazing channel! Thank you ❤️

Always great to see you! Love the video, as usual. My thing is the EasyJet tickets. I get the early boarding pass. Airports make me anxious and having that little bit of space to put my luggage up in the space and sit down is convenient as comforting for me. I love convenience and time efficiency in most things also. Somehow I feel like there’s a kind of weird rush for the seats when flying EasyJet. On the major airlines I don’t usually pay for perks or travel first class tho. I do appreciate the early boarding on EasyJet. One time I flew regular boarding and this guy just talked to us the whole time about Boris and Trump. He was kind of aggressively talking about how dumb ppl are and just generally went on with his opinions for the whole time we were sitting there, and it was a long time. He was really loud. 😂😂😂. Another time ppl kind of lined up in a weird way and when it was time to board there was a weird issue about who was ahead of who. It was quite the thing to see. Lol. I was a bit stressed out. I do really like flying EasyJet. I think it’s a good airline.

I’m too guarded , it’s a trauma response also slightly vain and a bit of a flake at times. You have a calming personality and genuine nature, it’s why you’re so good at what you do. Have a great week☺️

Oh the front of the queue story with your brother is great 😂

Hi, gorgeous! I hope you are well. I have missed your beautiful face and videos, so excited you’ve uploaded :) I really love to hear your perspective x

We used to get the priority boarding when my son was very small, it was easier to sit with him than stand with all the bags and things.

What you said answered a long standing question in my mind. Why, if they admire me so much, do they attempt to tear me down with such hatred. It's what you said. They know that I only like their mask. That I would not like them so they feel slighted and therefore must seek to destroy me.