How To Know If You're Being Manipulated: What Gaslighter's Do to Make You Feel Crazy 

Which one of these have happened to you?

"Don't be so sensitive" is probably the tactic I've experienced the most. It upsets me so much that I once heard a woman saying something like that to a little girl in a restaurant, and I had to leave so I wouldn't yell at her.

"You're delusional" "You're crazy" "That is not what I said! You misheard me" "You really need to apologize to me" "You are a lunatic if you think that happened" "That is not what happened! Here's how it REALLY happened" Heard them all!! Getting away from them (Gaslighting narcissists) is the only answer and freedom!

Oh do I relate to everything. As a highly sensitive person, I've been gaslighted before that I'm the problem because I'm "too sensitive". I just heard your video on highly sensitive people and you nailed it. I think HSP's are a natural target for gaslighters. Do I make any sort of sense? lol

I've been emotionally and psychologically manipulated for 2 years which wrecked my self-esteem down, but now I am recovering and your videos were what I needed the most. Thank you so much for helping me on being more aware!

I am already so paranoid. I try to put myself in a mindset to assume someone's intentions are positive until I know for sure that they are deceptive.

I’m a male and 29 years old and never knew people manipulate people like that. I just found out that I’ve been being manipulated. This whole time I thought these people were slow.

I'm sick to my stomach because of how true this is, thank you for opening my eyes

Oh my gosh, my husband does almost all of these to me. He will tell me I'm getting all crazy or worked up when I tell him he's doing something I don't like, he changes the subject, tells me I'm too sensitive, I'm living in the past, keeping the conflict going, so resentful all of the time, says that never happened, why do you have to argue with me all the time-if my opinion is different from his, I could go on and on. After all of this he will ask, "don't you want to get along, don't you want to make this work? Every marriage has problems, I just want you to be happy." Everyday this happens! It's so frustrating!

Good video. I would like to add... Number one, never-fails, 100% proof-positive indicator that you are in fact being gas-lighted... You hear the phrase, "I am JUST trying to help you out."

you just described my entire childhood....boarderline mother...narcissistic father.

YOU HAVE NAILED ALL OF THIS!!!!!! This is, without doubt a gaslighter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“You’re too sensitive” and “You have a very vivid imagination”. Those used to be my mother’s favourite. Normally when I bought up the abuse.

One thing that's rarely mentioned or treated in therapy is CPTSD caused from gaslighting. Scroll through the comments and you see the same responses on this video and the other gaslighting videos. You see the same responses; mistrust and withdrawal from relationships, panic, anxiety, low self esteem, anger, shame, pervasive patterns of maladaptive behavior when forming relationships and most importantly an inability to make good decisions in relation to others. These videos are fabulous on how to recognize gaslighting. They give validation and hope to victims. I hope that some videos can be made on; how to work through the trauma of gaslighting, rebuilding self esteem to empower good decision making; breaking patterns of negative self chatter; forming sense of self identity after or during prolonged abuse. Thanks for the vids. Love and strength to everyone feeling sad. You are not irreparably damaged, no matter what anyone says or how they treat you.

my boss recently told me "I need to leave the attitude I've been bringing with me at home" which is crazy cuz I'm literally always smiling lol but I've been getting the worst vibe from her and I feel as if I'm just a tool to her

I had a primary care doc who decided to portray me as crazy to other medical personnel, put it in my record that I was bipolar, etc. I in fact had grand mal seizures due to critically low potassium, and he threw me in psych units, defrauded my 2 insurance companies. His intent was to permanently put me away -- I am so blessed that I escaped him, but he actually has my record red flagged, and if I go to certain hospitals in the same network as him, they call him, and he comes up with a new way to harm me. I'm very serious, he has a million tricks up his sleeve. The last hospitalization I had due to a stomach infection, upon my supposed discharge, three doctors came to my bedside to have me sign "discharge papers." I'd never had to sign papers BEFORE, and I should have been warned. Instead, I foolishly signed them. Then I was put on a gurney, and thought I kept asking where I was going as I was supposed to be discharged, no one would answer me. I was shoved into the back of an ambulance, but still no one would tell me where I was going. I was put in a ghastly skilled nursing home in another town, and tried to leave -- but they locked me in. This home was so filthy, there was a used bandage on the floor and a dustball as well. The next morning I called a cab and was able to leave. But I am sufficiently frightened by this evil man, that I will be moving out of state when my lease expires next year. No one seems to consider that the medical profession is FULL of gaslighters too, and they prey on single women, especially women with pensions, like ME! Scary...

this makes me feel sick. I'm in counseling right now because of this. thank you so very very much.

One thing about being a man and being a victim of gaslighting and manipulation is that it is difficult for people not to take the woman’s side. I just had someone who I thought was a close friend do this to me, she completely humiliated me at work and then she went to all of our friends an co workers and told them all that I did something wrong which I didn’t. The only thing I did was tell her that the way she treated me was wrong, and she ended our friendship and gave me the silent treatment. When I open up to friends, some of them take her side, even if they don’t know her, just because in our society it is hard for some people to view the woman as being in the wrong. I suffered major depression over this, and even considered taking my own life.....in the end she ended up looking like the victim an took over our immediate social circle.....and I found my self feeling humiliated, and isolated from people I thought were my friends for years.

Great video! They would usually just say 'I never said that' or you misunderstood me etc. Covert narcissists are so sneaky, and once you've encountered one your level of discernment becomes nuclear. You realize that overly nice people that constantly go into character, and seem to be the nicest people you've ever met may just be the most cunning snakes in the grass you've ever met. I dont really get angry about it, but it's almost like being a gringo and knowing Spanish around Latin people. They think they are so slick, and you know better.

This is what my husband is doing this too me. I never understood his behavior towards me. You saved my life today . Husband tells me I am crazy . Now I know about gaslighting tatics

You have explained my entire relationship with my mother and sister. I'm seriously just shocked that its really a "thing" they've done to me all my life. I always knew something was wrong put I couldn't pin point it because I've been told all my life I'm the problem. Wow!

Omg I was with a gaslighter for almost 5 years. I will seek help. Thank you for the video.

Your videos are so helpful!!!! My mother was (gone No Contact) a super aggressive overt narcissist. Her methods of manipulation was very obvious. Who i called my best friend for three years makes me believe she is a covert narc. We had a falling out two weeks ago. When i look back, i feel like she love bombed me and mirrored me (when it sounds too good to be true is usually is) i struggled with being codependent (on the path of heeling now) the friendship ended up turning one sided, she would do the bare minimum. Then came the insults hidden behind sarcasm, told me that i couldn’t be her maid of honor bc i cant stand next to her and look better than she. Made me feel like i was a stupid blonde every time we went out (i have ADHD which effects my self esteem) makes jokes about me being obsessed with her and how I’m a stalker (we are next door neighbors) seeing her manipulate men to get free drinks. I told her “i feel like you enjoy convincing people to do what you want, you feed off of it” she said “yes”, like she was proud of it. I feel so betrayed bc i really felt like she was that “it” friend. And i feel pathetic for being fooled .. again. I’m dealing with her subtle smear campaign right now, it’s hard but I’m choosing to not react or even acknowledge it. Sorry this is so long. Lol

I am just realizing that my kid’s father did this to me. I have been really messed up from that relationship. I’ve had all of these happen to me.

My bipolar husband has been doing this to me for thirty years. Thank you for helping me understand what it is that I have been dealing with. I truly at times thought I was going crazy and blamed myself for his behavior. I realized this year he was exhibiting some passive aggressive behaviors, but I did not realize the extent and or scope of them.

You are describing my entire life.. It's intensely triggering me. I have cptsd from abusive parents who did all these things constantly. I can't even finish this video. I'm so glad somebody understands though.

They say you're overreacting and when you're physically abused they make you feel like you deserve it when you don't.

They try to make you doubt anyone who says nice things, validates your truth, supports you. They'll say - "don't listen to them, they don't know you like I/we do...You need to listen to me/us!" - it sucks. Good thing I saw it for what it was and developed better discernment as to when this is occurring.

The narc told me "its all in your head, that never happened". I totally didnt know what to do because it was straight up lying. The whole thing caught me off guard.

Hi Julia Kristina, I wanted to let you know that you are doing amazing work with these videos. I have seen some videos already and yours are awesome! Thank you for sharing the knowledge. Also, I really appreciate your presence and your style of presenting. Thanks for creating more light and a better world one video at a time!

Julia, this really resonates with me. I find myself in a broken 9 year relationship now, and these very things have been a theme throughout the entire relationship. I had no idea what gas lighting was, but now it seems clear as day and gives voice to the very things I've been struggling with. It also goes hand in hand with, what I'm realizing now, are some of my codependent issues.

I deal with gaslighting everyday! My husband uses every one of these tactics against me! I need help!

My sister and my nephew (grown people) both .have taken important items of mine so I would think I was going crazy. No one believed me. They've convinced the rest of their family that I am crazy after I told them I'm going no contact. When a friend asked my sister about me she said sadly, dramatically "We don't talk about her anymore." I think this bizarre behavior is used to cause confusion so the gaslighter doesn't have to face their feelings of hostility, insecurity, jealousy ,or whatever else their damned problem is.

I have recently found your channel and am very grateful I did! I have been in the job market almost 30 years, and through your videos this past month, I have started to understand myself. I am starting to get my joy back, but still have a long road ahead. Thank you so much!

Gaslighting AT THE SOCIOLOGICAL LEVEL, LARGE-GROUP interactions, including in institutions & politics. Collectively; not only with individuals you know.

Hi Julia! Thank you so much for your awesome videos. I recently got out of an emotionally abusive relationship and your videos have been so helpful for me for understanding emotional abuse, and healing from the trauma. Keep doing what you're doing :)

Sarcasm is a hard one to confront especially if it is a group! Makes you feel like you are being 'too serious, or over sensitive'. No respect for your boundaries or what makes you feel uncomfortable. Side note: I really like your hair style! Thanks for sharing these videos :)

Wow girl!! Great vid, thank you for sharing 🙏🏼

Julia your explanation of the dangerous psychological abuse called gaslighting is virtually saving people’s lives. Those who are codependant , suffering from CPTSD or trauma are often spotted and targeted by predatory narcisistic, psychopathic or other toxic individuals and are often being gaslet into believing they are crazy and incapable of living their own independent lives. They are often victims of exploitation of all possible sorts and their dignity and self-worth are anihilated by the abusers. This has happened to me and many people I know. The problem is, that if you can not name the abuse and know the tactics there is nothing you can do about it and so many victims are suffering from brain fog and cognitive disonance disabling them from getting out of the abuse. They are often alcoholics or other substance abusers, addicted to all kinds of things in order to numb the feeling of despair and hopelessness that their lives have any sense. I have been there and Thank God for still being alive . Julia, please continue your work as there are so many deserate victims who are waiting for help. Thank you for being out there for us!

You hit it right on the nose!!!!! Wow I need to keep a journal of when this occurs because I always feel it’s me or I’m losing it. Thank you for your insight.

Thank you Julia, you are helping us - abuse and manipulation victims - to stay sane. Invaluable and life saving advice.

When People try to humiliate me and make me feel bad in the guise of joking, I say jokes should never hurt or humiliate another person., and then the lady tried to make an excuse for that and I said no, no jokes should never hurt or humiliate others I said you always hurt me and you always try to humiliate me and I'm tired of it, and you know what that girl thought about it and she came back and apologized to me and said wow you're right I shouldn't be you're right I shouldn't be doing that, and I said yeah so you better knock it off

I've been living a nightmare with a co-worker doing this to me, I was questioning my reality and I'm still having trouble with it. Can't have any relationship with anyone, I have a hard time going out. It's just been a terrible experience.

Thank you so much for this. This exactly describes my mother and this has been going on all my life. Now that I’m older these are also the same types of people that I find myself in friendships with as well. I never knew how to explain this before and it’s only me that she acts like this to and no one else, so no one believes me when I try to explain how I feel and what I’ve experienced but this has been a big help. The personality of someone who is not self trusting and always second guesses themselves is the persona that I have developed but on the inside and when I’m alone I’m a totally different person. I also have a hard time saying no to the point where if I don’t say yes I get this pity feeling in my stomach and feel instantly guilty. I hate all of this and I want to be who I am on the inside.

when i go to my significant other about things that bother me, he always immediately gives his side of the story, extremely confident that his side was correct but he will also sarcastically apologize and continue to have the same behavior. I obviously get upset and cry and scream and get impulsive with my words because I'm hurt that I'm not being heard while he always remains calm and has literally not ONCE in the entire 3 years of dating every shown anger unless he's in traffic. (another reason I always second guess myself, because he is always calm its kind of worrisome). the impulsiveness is not right either and I'm always the one who ends up genuinely apologizing. this has been going on for about a year and a half now. we're also in a long distance relationship and he sometimes blames his actions on miscommunication or the distance. he constantly asks me on the spot questions and I feel crazy because I literally have one brain cell left and can never answer his questions when I'm flustered and anxious which in return makes me the one in the wrong, right? lol... he makes me question my memory, he makes me feel like I'm the crazy one. hell, even when I was watching your video about gaslighting, in my head i was questioning myself. He's really sweet to me when things go well which can have a good streak but as soon as my feelings are hurt, that's it lol. streaks ruined, mood ruined, relationship....ruined. I don't want to break free but I know I have to... he will say things that I haven't ever said, he'll bring up the past, he twists my words instead of taking it literally. I'm constantly saying "I'm not trying to make you feel guilty", I'm constantly trying to explain myself and always end up losing my train if thought giving a preface so he doesn't think I'm being rude. I know im not perfect but he always tries to find a way to bring up a subject on how I hurt HIS feelings to deflect from talking about what we were talking about to begin with which is him hurting my feelings lol...

Good stuff-we all deal with people like this - You really are good at explaining this-you helped open by mind to this!!

I’m new to your channel. You just described my baby daddy/boyfriend. It’s so annoying trying to discuss our problems. It’s putting stress on both of us because we can’t get one another to understand the situation. I’m happy I found your channel 😌.

I just found your channel and you’re amazing. I feel so much better about myself and the way you approach anxiety made me feel validated. Thank you so much

You just described my father's core personality.

This video is a huge WOW for me. Like finally.. I knew I wasn’t crazy. I’m in disbelief that they continued to behave like this for so long and I allowed it! Everything in the video. On so many levels. Like it was validation for me. Im so thankful. Not that I didn’t feel it, but really I just kept giving so many chances thinking it would change. I finally made a break for it and I couldn’t feel more free. Thanks a million!

Great information thank you Julia! ☀️

It is done behind closed doors, the little jabs at your appearance! That I experienced, multi times. They are sneaky about it and try to make you look crazy to others, all while smirking, and knowing why the situation is as is. Being too sensitive, making you feel weak and pathetic in jokes is another one, not supporting your hopes and dreams all while you are doing everything you can to support them, but again it's done covertly, then they're so nice to you after, one made excuses that their family always jokes that way and "you" are too sensitive, you question yourself for feeling how you feel, it is a total mind screw. Not anymore thanks to people like you and counseling, I see it all now, thank goodness for information like this.

Watching all of your videos. You are helping me SO MUCH.

In Recent Past had to deal with a village of Narcissists,Dark Empaths and Triads. Caused instability in almost every aspect of my life. Healing and trying to get life back again. Thank you.

How funny that this was how I was raised being portrayed "crazy/ill/disabled" in my family dynamic and I ended up the one spiritually awakening in quite a striking, challenging and profound way and now nobody really knows what to do with me anymore. It's been a journey of really re-establishing who I am by detaching old labels and second-guessing and re-affirm my truth. I literally grew up and honestly STILL have to hear this diatribe from my Mom who I live with still, at the time I type this. But what's happened is that from where I stand now, I see her as the one who is terribly mentally confused, and seems to have projected and accused me of possessing the very same issues she herself embodies, yet she embodies them tenfold, yet denies she has any problems. When I woke up to this my entire perception flipped dramatically. It was very hard as a kid trying to assert how the accusations of me being crazy were off-base all the while being outnumbered and outspoken by other family members who had already established themselves as "stable"... I don't think this was intentional or meant to hurt me, but rather unconscious actions most likely with some sort of intention to help???

Thank you! Great stuff! Found you through sunny's channel! Loving your vids!

I used to get told that I'd just done something I had no memory of. That really messed me up as a child

Thank you for your time and help. Yes I had an older brother who did almost all of these things to me through out my childhood. I am 65 now and am having a hard time seeing my way, deciding what to do. My brain shuts down in a panic, my stomach twists in anxiety. I have separated myself from my family for years now. I'm going to look through your site for help. Thank you again.

When I told my ex that I got feelings for someone else, he completely wrote it off like he knew me better than myself. The way he's acted towards me is still in my mind and is challenging me in starting new relationships

Spot on! Subscribed!

Thank you so much I can't explain how much you have helped me, This is the first step on the road to happiness. 🤓

Thank you for this .

I seriously appreciate the work you do. Thank you so much. Keep it Up... so many of us are crippled from this.

Thank you for your time.

Initially I had no idea, as time went by I started figuring out this individual, all of these tactics usually happen to me. Thank you for the information.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, @Kristina!! "This video really spoke to my heart ".Great video! ♥ I feel so much better now,I felt in the past that I was doubting myself and even losing my mind and sense of Peace.Your videos have helped me get my balance back within my mind. Mind games cause illnesses,due too much stress.So,Thanks Again,Julia. You're A Life Line for getting my sanity back .🤗💖🤗🌹

Hello! I have a video topic suggestion: Most Common Forms of Manipulation. Although most of it does, I feel like some of my experiences with manipulation does not fit into the category of gaslighting. I think a video explaining other common forms of manipulation would be of great help!! - I have recently found your channel and it has helped me immensely in realizing why I feel the way I do about myself and the pain that comes with relationships. I have realized that I am not the problem!!! It seems that I have had countless people throughout my life use gaslighting and other forms of emotional abuse / manipulation on me starting at a very young age and continuing into recent times. I believe the distortion of my perception of love and myself has started a never ending cycle of abusive relationships... I will definitely continue to watch your videos. I am looking into finding a therapy program (suggestions?) but until then I have your videos! You are a wonderful, beautiful, and strong woman! xx

Thanks for sharing your message

love you for posting this thank you sister

It’s insidious. Been away from her with no contact for 2 months and now realizing what actually happened.

All need to hear and understand this

I really like your ideas....you are so clear and easy to understand....thank you very much....kathy

Thank you so much! This really helps. :* Thank you for all your videos. I listened a lot of them! And I will continue and share wit people who need to hear it. 💝🌷🌷🌷♥️🏵️ thank you again!

I always thought I was different than my family. I thought something was wrong with me. But when I got out in the world I seemed to do quite well. But I still had times when these old feelings would twist my guts. I've stopped dating, I have a minimum of contacts. Just this last week I was laid off from my job and have one month to move. It's a very dark place

Thankyou Julia for your helpful information...it has made it more clear for me with my previous relationship.

Yep always trying to mask the reality of the situation!!! To make you look like the crazy one or make you feel like you’re overreacting!!!

great video, thank you

Nicely put

Thank you..this has confirmed my gut feeling towards a few if not all my extended ex family members. ..much love and gratitude Julia xxxx

Wow I can definitely relate to everything that you mentioned. Wasn’t familiar with the term gaslight.

WOW, Ive been gaslighted more than anyone else that I know especially by my dads side of the family, people who I thought were friends, and especially in the workplace among managers and co workers......

I love your videos and you made it on monochrome. No distraction 👌, such a good concept.

This is soooo true!! I have experienced it!

Just found you today and going through all of this. Thank you.

Thank you

Wow I'm truly shocked this is my life😥. How could he love me but treat me like I'm NOBODY 💔. The sad thing I'm the one who works, have 2 cars and a home but he has made me feel like I am worthless 😢😢😢😢. I'm trapped and I want out of this so so so so bad 5 frickin years and I cant do this ANYMORE 💯

OMG - I knew something was up - you described my daughter to a Tee! I didn't know there was a name for it but yeah, I had to get away from her & my life is so much better without all that gaslighting. Thank you for this valuable information!

Wow! I wished I had seen this before. I was sent to a course about battery intervention because apparently “I was the problem” and “I was crazy”. So I did 24 hours of the course. I bumped into subjects I was not familiar with such as narcissism a gaslighting. It was eye opening. But this video is DEAD ON.

Oh God!! I just realise whats really happen in entire year. Julia i thank's God bcs of you. 💙🥺

Brilliant.

Recognizing what is going on and why is half the battle. It is a HUGE commentary on so called professional therapists/counselors that a person can learn more about a subject from 1 youtube video than from all their hot air combined.

I'm new to your channel and your videos are amazing. Thank you

I relate to everything. LOVE YOUR CHANNEL! my wife....which i have been weighing divorce, because i'm so tired of this. she also physically attacked me and was arrested for domestic violence. what you said about YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE MEAN ABOUT IT....WOW! that is exactly her. i'm so tired of saying....it's not what you say but how you say it. she just tried to gas light my brother today by telling him she was going to take our kids to the movies today. according to her she brought it up a week ago. none of us knew until yesterday. ridiculous. i'm so tired.

Makes me wonder if people who gaslight are a little sociopathic. Some people seem to just see others as a tool to be used, they dont see them as an individual just someone to use for their own gain. Fake empathy, no real respect for anyone but themselves.

Gonna use this as a How-To video 👍🏿

I experienced these for a year before the Covid lockdowns. I was doing a certain sport and my instructor /coach was gaslighting me. It took me being completely removed from the situation for me to realize what happened. My skills with food and people pleasing tendencies made me a desirable target for them, in order to benefit them to my own detriment. There were odd, yet commonplace moments when I could not figure out why I would do well in this sport during competition, and other people would shower me with love and affection, yet during training sesions I would feel like my efforts were futile and that I was a failure. Whenever this coach would leave town, I would be at ease...until they came back from vacation. The worse part was that I blamed myself saying things in my own head like "If I would just perform better, then I wouldn't feel this way." It turns out there are legions of students of this recreational activity i was involved in who left the group for the same reasons I did. Needless to say..I went no contact, they did try to hoover me in but they're blocked. Videos like these helped me to decode my experiences; something felt off but was not able to figure out what and I changed in ways I did not like. Being gaslit for such a short time left quite a bit of wounds, leaving me wondering of I wasn't gaslit before that and didn't realize it. I totally subscribed because of this video.

This happened to me a few years ago and the person was very popular and well-thought of. I had never heard of gaslighting, but I remember describing it to someone as "I know the sky is blue but he is saying it's green" and I can't tell you the self-doubt and pain I experienced going through that. Especially because I was somewhat isolated from my friends and family. It made me feel crazy.

Thank you very much for the video 🌹my husband and his family are GASLIGHTERS. now i know

thanks for the video, I really like the examples you give about gaslighting. Many times you read a very abstract idea of what is gaslighting, but it's better to know some examples, you can resonate more with them.

Thank you , thank you , thank you 🙏🏻😭🙏🏻