How to speak up for yourself | Adam Galinsky 

Am done avoid conflicts! Am done being a doormat!

SO WHEN IS TED GONNA GO OUT ON STAGE AND SPEAK UP FOR HIMSELF!??!!!?

1) advocate for others 2) perspective taking (what do others really want?) 3) give more options (signal flexibility) 4) earn allies by advocating for others and asking others for advice (even for self promotion with our accomplishments) 5) show your expertise by showing your passion

My personal notes. Loved the vid. Speaking Up = Power * Pushing your own interests. * Expressing an opinion. * Making an ambitious ask. Power is the range of things that you can get away with without being punished. It is very dynamic and can vary on the situation. For example: In a negotiation, who has more options? Who is willing to say no? In a debate, who has more allies? Relationships, who is more invested in the other person? Why is your range able to change? 1. When you seem powerful in your own eyes. You increase your own range. 2. When you seem powerful in the eyes of others. Other people grant you range. How to increase your range. 1. Advocate for others. Nobody will reject you for talking well about another person. Gain allies. If you do it too much it seems like you're sucking up. 2. Perspective taking. Think about what the other person wants and how you can link that to what you want. 3. Ask for advice. Make others interested about your journey. It increases your allies. 4. Give people options. Always 2. 5. Have excellent evidence. Dude, in that group, you're nobody. You have no credibility to say things without evidence. Have excellent evidence and build credibility. 6. Show passion. Passion is respectable. If you say something and it comes off as passionate, it's more likely to be received in a respectful manner. What NOT to do 1. Talk bad about others and never advocate. 2. Only thinking about yourself 3. Never asking for advice and think that you know it ALL. 4. Always say that there is ONE way to do things. Giving people only one option. 5. Saying things without evidence. 6. Being uninteresting and non-passionate.

Such a powerful speech. I'm touched. Up to my early thirties, I would speak up, I was so faithful to my believes, but I was then punished, other people would revenge and make scenarios behind my back, and I was given the worst things. Then I decided to change and please people. I started to not speak up, to avoid conflicts, etc. It's been like this for some years now and I don't like it at all. I want to change it again and go back to where I was and even more assertive. When we speak up, we are brave and although people seem to dislike you, they actually admire you more for holding to your values. Now I'd rather be disliked but be myself, rather than be liked but lose myself. 💖❤

13.55 he got emotional. Passion and expertise of speaker!

YOU'RE DAMNED IF YOU DO, AND DAMNED IF YOU DON'T. why second guess EVERYTHING?

I can never find the words to stand up for myself.

That is wonderful how you said we can advocate for others to find our own power and voice. I needed to hear that!

Thank You Adam, from the bottom of my heart.

Love this breakdown. So important to understand when and how we feel most powerful and how to express ourselves effectively. Cheers!

Speaking up Means 1. Pushing one’s interests 2. Expressing an opinion 3. Making an ambitious ask We need to speck up within the "Range" to be rewarded "Range" determined by Power Avoid 1. Lower-Power double bind(unnoticed or rejected) 2. Self-promotion double bind Expand range by: 1. Speak for others, MAMA BEAR Effect 2. Perspective-taking: understand other 3. Signal flexibility: provide options 4. Gain Allies: get social support 5. Ask for advise 6. Show Passion

Excellent video - thank you for publishing it.

Thank you for this vital talk. I believe this information will prove useful to a myriad of people; the concepts seem universally applicable and useful.

One of the most beautiful talks... worth listening as many times

Thank you for sharing. Know how difficult that was when making reference to your dad. His passion and legacy lives on through you helping others. Thank you both for your inspiration.

This is one of the best TEd talks I have listened to

Love the passion of your presentation, and its brevity.

This is very clear and helpful, thank you for this! ❤

I love this presentation!!

i really love this talk!

Excellent and very useful advice. Thank you very much:)

brilliant. thank you

With Bullying there is rarely evidence and people are too scared to be your strong allies. Sometimes you just have face being a pariah because it's a lot more dignified than a whipping boy.

I struggle with speaking up infront of my in laws when they’re kissing / passing my baby around like she’s a toy, when I did speak up there was a massive argument. I’m so sick of this people pleasing attitude and want to get rid of it.

This is by far the best TEDTalk I’ve ever heard.

Thank you so much sir for your great talk!!!!! 😊😊😊

I really enjoyed your talk! thank you

Thank you.

Love this! Thank you!

Wow! Real informative talk!

Great talk! Thank you!

Excellent, Loved the zeal and enthusiasm.

I've been debating whether or not to ask a friend for some advice on my situation. I trust his advice but didn't want to "bother" or "burden" him. This video helped me decide to ask him. Thank you.

This video is great. It goes into everything I’ve been conflicted with recently.

4:20 I can relate to this “you’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t.” The other day I was thinking “if I speak up I’m wrong and I regret it. If I don’t speak up, someone always says the thing I wanted to say. Then I wish I would have spoke up.”

Useful. Going to work on expanding my range of acceptable behavior. Time to hit the books.

THANKS TED. I am currently suffering from depression. I agreed with him. My boyfriend told me to pull myself up and stop sugar coating my life relying on him last night. I needed power.

so beautiful. Thank you

I like him alot!

Very good talk. I definitely agree with the Mama Bear effect. The only time I was confident enough to negotiate a good pay offer was when I'd just had a newborn and was thinking about supporting them. Need to channel that more.

I'd loved most of this. However, one thing I have learnt is the "advice" advice can be unhelpful if the more powerful person is useless at explanation. It actually helped me to drop certain people off their pedestal because while charismatic they were poorly read or mentally lazy. It did make me feel less low.

Great speech!

I just used the perspective taking with a friend during a fight and IMMEDIATELY the atmosphere of the conversation shifted and became more understanding and less toxic... SO CRAZYYYYY!!!!

This was an amazing video. I know this because the video finished really fast despite being 15minutes.

Excellent Tips. Thank You .

Thank you!

It was a pleasure to hear him..

This is such an empowering topic

Great talk!

1) Advocate for others; 2) Perspective-taking; 3) Signal flexibility; 4) Gain allies; 5) Ask others for advice; 6) Display expertise; 7) Show passion.

I’m in a delusion of that when I’m right by logic, I have a lot of “power”, so that keeps me on getting “punishments” or “rejections” in some particular ways in life. Thanks for pointing it out for me, Adam.

amazing talk

Great talk

This is very true!

Excellent!

Thank you TED your channel is benifit.

Yay! Loved it!

so interesting and insightful, i'm glad i clicked

wonderful.

Really good talk! the more I think about this, the more I can think of ways to use this in another way. Getting a job, making a good impression on new and old friends, gaining respect from lecturers etc. Thanks for sharing Adam!

Very nice talk, Adam. I especially enjoyed the quote from your father and how you tied it into the end of your presentation. I am an advocate for Developmentally Disabled Individuals and agree wholeheartedly with your perspective. Thank you, for a most enjoyable presentation! :)

Very interesting, thank you. Much more than I expected from reading the title

7:13 - "perspective taking is really simple". 7:32 - "...perspective taking is hard to do". Its not me finding a fault...it is a nice concept tho, could be utilized in everyday's life and Adam is intelligent guy. Nice work man!

Very good!

This is brilliant

that was awesome sauce 🔥

Inspiring!

thank you

Great talk 🤩

AMEN🙏 I've learned to keep quiet! Keep PEACE in my HEART❤ SHOW FAITH! KINDNESS to OTHERS👍👍👍

Thanks

Thank u for insightful vedio.lot of Learning from your talk .this would really helpful

that was beautiful.

Excellent..

great video

Nicely done sir.

I have been listening to TED talks for a while, but this is hands down the best one I have heard since Simon Sinek's How Great Leaders Inspire Action

excellent!!

Great talk! 👏

Greta speech, very helpful

AWESOME

Wow!

This channel doesn't ask us to like and subscribe, we just do it

gotta say that was very well said.

lovely

Victor Hugo has said: If I speak up, I'm punished. If I stay silent, I'm pushed around.

This is incredible!

i used to be good at this, i even advocate for friends and other people. I was nturally shy, but i can stand for myself and others...then social anxiety came.... i need to fix this!

I have a problem mumbling, people often hear what they want. Other times I get weird looks or I can tell they heard something different than I said. Interesting video, always feel smart after watching these. Can't wait till I have baby so I can tell my Dr off. My brother doesn't have job, so can't get him fired. So that's good. Can't wait till he does.

Now I really want to know what the counter offer was, considering it led to the company withdrawing their offer!

The whole reason I watch Ted Talks is to learn and listen for advice from people from all walks of life.... Finding allies every now and then is a heartwarming delight.... How can one know what their perspective is when it's unclear who "they" are? Wouldn't it be wise to know what their agenda is first? I can only second guess, and for all I know, I'm dealing with the devil himself. Why would I want to cooperate and play games with evil? And the only reason I say evil, is because of the sadistic nature of their games. This love/hate approach and double speak is not helping either, perhaps intentionally so. Damn if you do, damn if you don't.......I don't know what they want, what I'm suppose to do, who I'm suppose to be, and the best part is, somehow this is all my fault? I need serenity nowwwww....... I should take up and learn Buddhism coz they seem to be more tolerant and even encourages people to seek truth based on their own path and life experience. Namaste 🙏

Wow

I just want to say there are only certain channels that I'll watch a commercial all the way to then end for.

Good

Very interesting talk, but it made me wonder, especially considering the mama bear effect, his advice is basically that for women to overcome these stereotypes in negotiations, they have to consider the position of the other, but doesn't that confirm and reaffirm the stereotypical idea for women that they should always care for and look after others? And doesn't that already cause women to become subassertive and make more concessions during negotiations most of the time?

Advocate for others!!!!

Jim Burns discussed the 4 different types of parents in the early 90s. The consulting parent gives options to their parents. I'm sure it was discussed and written about long before Jim Burns.

Sometimes the subtitles are not written correctly kindly make it perfect by rectifying it...

Oh so I just have to solve my problems to solve my problems. Well, that's easy...