INFJ Confidence: Gaining Self-Confidence as an INFJ 

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my problem is that people around me think I am doing great when they see what I've accomplished and what I've been up to - but I don't! even when others think you're doing great, confidence must come from you and that's the difficult part

" give yourself permission to be good enough for yourself " 👍👏👏

I’m an INFJ and I’m afraid to do lots of stuff cause I think I’ll fail.

How INFJs can build confidence: hair care products.

Honestly I think MBTI has helped my self confidence.

I'm an INFJ. I was not confident, until finally I learned to love myself by accepting myself fully. After I mastered it, there wasn't much to worry me anymore and I rarely thought too much. My life became peaceful and I'm confident.

How to build your confidence 1.Don't let feelings of inferiority boss you around. 2. Coose an interest and commit to working on it. 3. Do everything step by step and little by little, don't just see the bigger picture. 4. Get something that motivates you. 5. Think positively, you are the only one who could free your mind from these sick thoughts. 6. Get your shit together and stop caring about people's opinions anymore. 7. You're infj. You're unique. Celebrate it.

FJ: "I give you permission to be good enough" My confidence: 50/100 -------> 90/100

The origin of the word confidence is 'confidere' - which means 'trust' This is the best definition I've come across. Trust. To fully trust is to be here in the moment without doubt. Trust in life. Trust that everything will be ok

nah Frank, your older videos are also great, those videos also have a lot of insightful observations which is the primary reason why i liked your channel in the first place

One of the things that has noticeably changed is FJ hair. Just saying.

Self confidence is a tough one when you’re putting something out there that can be judge by others 🤷‍♀️

Well, you had enough confidence to talk about this. And that means other INFJ's can as well.

“Don’t care about other people. Who needs them? Ok, I do!” 😂 I love that you acknowledge your humanity. I’ve seen some of your older videos and......this hair is the best by far.....😅

The fact that we're all gonna die anyway gives me a lot of confidence

Frank:Please don't check the early videos. me:goes to find oldest video

“Give yourself permission to be good enough” ~ FJ

Knowing the fact that INFJs are perfectionists gave me confidence🙂

A lack of confidence is generally a pain, but it’s also a source of sensitivity, compassion and understanding.

I had no confidence at all until I was 15... I was just an outcast in every way. But I was inscribed into a music school, and after my audition, my teacher told me that she had not heard a voice like mine, ever. I went into an anxiety attack because people were watching me when she said it. She made me sing in front of the entire music school to prove that I was what she was saying I was... all the kids loved it. After that day, I have never been the same. Singing became my safe-extrovert-spot and mask. As an adult, I was very lucky 🍀 to have an amazing visionary boss on my first job, that immediately saw that I had a “talent” for Human Resources. It made me have a “jump” ahead on my own like and career. I’m forever grateful to her because I had no clue on what I could do. Frank, appreciate you and all of the channel followers’ so much! 💙

Yes!! Confidence definitely shouldn’t be dependent on how others judge you. It’s taken me years to internalize that and it’s a work in progress, along with shoring up my sense of well-being in the face of adverse circumstances. I love your old stuff, it’s a part of you and it’s also important and beautiful in its honesty. I’m enjoying going through them, and I’ve gotten so much out of them. It’s so important to embrace all our old selves, however tattered or broken they appear. They did the heavy lifting to get us where we are.

Proverbs 28:1 The wicked run when no one is chasing them, but an honest person is as brave as a lion.

As an ENFJ, my first function is extraverted feeling and last function is introverted thinking. So let's just say I can relate to having confidence swings 😅

Morning Frankie! It is hard for INFJ's to have a lot of confidence, but having a good support system and good group of friends helps as well. We need to have that positive reinforcement or we can spiral down a pit of despair. But I am liking that you are doing videos like this again

No, you're successful. you are the most successful youtuber who's doing the 16 personality types, your videos are educating ,inspiring and entertaining. You also quadrupled your subscribers in the past 6 months iirc. You are the sun FJ, You shined sunlight to the depressed folks like us, and brightened our days :) oh btw, you're very handsome

Extroverted feeling and confidence : Knowing this is changing my life. Probably why I feel so low when I'm pissed off at somebody

Confidence is learning to trust yourself They way you get it is to gradually try new/more things. The more you succeed, or try things that seem scary at first but don’t result in the sky falling in, the more you are willing to “go for it” the next time.

Absolutely! If your confidence is rooted in other peoples opinions of you then you’re grounded by their opinions. Be free BELIEVE IN YO SELF! Does that make sense? Who knows!

Finding you on RU-vid is one of the best thing of 2019 for me.

If your older videos weren't exactly as they were, we probably wouldn't be here by now. Also, love the humour!

Boy you got all that confidence with that hair looking like god just created it. And damn dude you're seductive without even trying to be. This is such a weird comment/compliment but I guess I was feeling confident 😝 love you, love your message, love your hair, bye.

Frank i love these videos that give advice for INFJ's to better themselves, I feel like theres alot of videos explaining why things are the way they are but not on how to improve on the weaknesses or maximize the strengths. Keep it up man! :)

I really watch infj to help me understand my daughter, and you're helping me so much! Diggin the hair😏

Your old videos are also good, FJ. Deep and insightful. Not only good for fellow infj but also for us non-infjs. But recently when you make those so funny and attractive sketches, your channel become much much more attractive. Your awesome acting skill and great sense of humor are killing.

You can see how analytical you are in your eyes.. someone could easily read you if they just looked into them. But yet you’re a hard read to most people. It’s because they can’t see how multifaceted you are. It throws people off. This was a great video. You’re really good at explaining things. Thank you ☺️

I am an infj. This is sooo helpful.I knew I was vulnerable to criticisms! I will never be like that again.👍💖

I love your videos from when you first started your channel. Please don’t hate on your early stuff or on Frank with his iPhone setup and his “stupid” cherry lips. He is a part of all of our journeys, with you. Yeah, you seemed depressed, but your vulnerability made me care about you and about what you had to say. The ego needs and is attracted to confidence, but vulnerability appeals to the heart. Humility and struggle are profoundly relatable to an audience and watching you go from 1 Jan 2017 to now is wonderful and encouraging. I hope you find yourself good enough and successful, on your own terms.💖

I needed this, as an INFJ-T it can be rough finding that level of confidence. Thanks, FJ! You’re the best!

Hi, FJ! just want u to know that I need this so much right now and it's perfect timing that you uploaded it. I agree with you. When I was in school, I felt more confident and hopeful. Probably that's the reason why I like studying and took another 1 and a half years studying certificate courses after graduating college. Now that I finished those certificate courses and am faced with the prospect of changing careers, I feel more insecure and unprepared and not ready to pursue my dreams. At the beginning of this year, I said I will develop my confidence. But I'm not sure if I'm improving in that aspect even just a little bit. More recently, I've been worried and anxious and I feel less confident with myself and what I can be.... The other day, my ESFJ friend visited me and gave me a pep talk and I realized I just needed affirmation from others. It somehow put me out of slump. But I cant always be miserable and wait for a long time for somebody to cheer me up. I will go ahead and try to cheer myself up and not to be too hard on myself. thank you for this video 😭

I will never stop watching the old videos, playa. 👿 Those have kept me company on many a late-night grading sesh. Yeah I definitely get my confidence from feedback from others when it comes to work in particular. I’m like Tinkerbell - if I don’t get positive feedback/attention at work, I kinda die inside. 😵 Rough way to live when most of the feedback you get is from teenagers who you’re telling to do stuff they don’t wanna do. Last school year was an absolute nightmare for my self-esteem (as u know). This year, I still feel like I’m looking over my shoulder all the time even though it’s been much better, but the actual internal confidence is building...I think.

"Give yourself permission to be good enough" Yesssss

At one point in my life I started seeing "good enough" as good enough but, perhaps being an INFJ, I was focused more on being "good enough" by other people's standards -- not my own. Even though their standards turned out to be much lower than mine. In other words, I basically lowered my standards to other people's, which led me to feel "good enough." Part of that was beneficial because it humbled me to accept people as they are without judgment. Another part was harmful because my confidence became an offshoot of meeting lower standards (smh). Since then, I've tried to find a balance btwn super high & low standards. This has been a struggle since INFJs tend to shift from one extreme to another. And I've noticed a strange pattern -- the higher the standards, the lower the confidence. Maybe you could talk about this in one of your videos if you have insight on the subject (relationship btwn standards & confidence).

I’ve just gone and purchased one of your groovy pink T-shirts. Nice work on the design. People may think i’m an illuminati now and that’s okay with me. 👌

I'm on the verge of crying any second now it's just a matter of when... It's just nice and validating hearing the same things I try to tell myself but don't yet fully believe

INFJ here, I’ve seen your videos since you started and just a bunch of INFJs used to watch you and I do see a difference in you. I see a happier Frank James. Also I think alike. For me confidence comes from feedback mostly.

Your progression in speaking ability is great to see! Red, is Your color. I stumbled on you 2 years ago, or so, now look at you. Master of INFJ Ceremonies. Go***FJ***! PS: (for what it's worth, I felt successful when I beat the pro at the Tennis club).

TL;DR Look at the facts objectively, get out there and do stuff, it's okay to be okay. Sounds super simple on the surface but it's amazing how many years of a person's life it can take to internalize these kind of lessons. Unhealthy Fe in an immature INFJ function stack can just manifest like... this constant torment, distorted vision of yourself, being unable to see yourself objectively at all because you're always looking at how other people see you. And other people are not objective. Like, at all. But also I think it's because we expect a lot of ourselves? Inside somewhere I think most of us feel that we are different and we're supposed to give the world something that reflects that. For a long time I was disappointed in myself that I hadn't gotten further in my life more quickly than I had and I just wasn't the person I had been envisioning. It's kind of amazing how much my confidence has improved in the last year of my life as compared to the first 26. It's not like very much even changed in terms of my progress at conventional markers of success, but I think it was because I really got to know myself in a lot of different ways. I went through the Jungian process of individuation. I went so far in I was afraid the knowledge that I found there would kill me, but when I came back out I was finally able to evaluate my life logically. That no, I hadn't gotten as far yet as I had hoped when I was a teenager full of hopes and dreams. But also I expected things of myself that are usually only granted to people with a lot of privilege, and also I was struggling against obstacles that I didn't even really know were there for a long time. And also I'm a millenial, the world is burning down around me and every time I look at the news I see things have gotten worse faster than I can really adjust to them being this bad. So, y'know, maybe it's okay to not have solved world hunger yet and just keeping afloat is as much as can realistically be expected at times. The Fe being so high in the stack and the Fi being in the 6th slot means the Fi is something we value but know we're not as spectacular at as we want to make ourselves out to be. Most people can't make that sort of analysis, unless they're specifically looking to hurt us. Eventually you get smart enough to stop letting them. You firm up your boundaries. Kick out the people mooching off your empathy and start pouring the type of energy you put into others into yourself and your life instead, and just sort of get on with things. And once you do, you start to feel unstoppable. I think it was Terence McKenna (or was it Jung?) who said, up until you're around 40, your life hasn't even really started. You're just doing research. And I don't know about you, but I can't wait to be 40.

This is so true. We get self confidence by seeking our own approval rather than the other's (I think not just us infjs but all of us). Like for example, if you are going to do something because you really want to do it, a surge of confidence will come to you. Now if you are going to do something because that is what the people want/like, then you will be anxious because you are trying to meet the standards/approval of the people rather than yourself. That is why it is so important to listen to ourselves and do things that we really want, and by doing this, motivation and self confidence will come. Yes we need people’s approval, but it's because we dont want to disappoint people (especially infjs). I think the solution to this is to align both of them, follow your approval (what you want) and at the same time your shit must not disappoint people (not in a sense you follow their standards, but in a sense you follow your own morals). About the sensory thing (facts of accomplishment), yes, it would feel good that you did something successful and the people like it, but there is still this subtle dissatisfaction inside you and still you feel kinda anxious (yeah because you are trying to meet the approval of the people instead of yours). Normally i feel anxious commenting, but since i sensed the authenticity of your vulnerability, im fucking motivated to help you fj despite of the consequences (self confidence = coming from yourself).

Wow. This is SO on point. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

love you man. thanks for posting

Hey! A fellow INFJ here. I don’t necessarily think that confidence has to be correlated with external factors such as success. It’s a self-assurance in your uniqueness, the things that make you the person you are- whether it be qualities, abilities, etc. It is a form of self-love that everyone should engage in regardless of “the facts” because those external variables are always fluctuating so it should come from inside not out. I know it’s definitely easier said than done !

Really important message to judge success on your own terms. Thank you.

FJ I've been here since 10000 subscribers so when you revealed your merch I literally screamed and instantly bought a red hoodie!! I'm honestly so proud and I've always loved watching your videos it's amazing to see the transformation of your channel and I just wish you the best in this new year. As an infj i resonated with a lot of your content and you've really helped me through some challenging times this year. I just want to thank you for all you do!! Much love! ❤

Spot on! Thank you so much

This year has been a massive journey into self discovery, full of great strides into self confidence, and I'm really feeling it today (my birthday). I feel like I've got you to thank for that on some level, both for the sense of understanding you put out in your vids, and for pointing me towards The Wisdom of Insecurity and Alan Watts in general. Thanks for the help, man. Hope you have an awesome day.

I got my “Stay Cool and Attractive” hoodie a couple days ago. Love it!

When I found you, I immediately went back to your first videos and caught up to that day, getting to know you. While you were working through things back then, you were honest, open, vulnerable, in a word - relatable to so many of us. So, while that might not have communicated strong confidence, it spoke to our hearts. The basic premises of this video, as you shared them here today, are the common threads throughout your posts and what we love about you and what resonates with us, no matter where we find ourselves on any given point on any given day on the Confidence Spectrum. God bless you, Frank, and may your Christmas be merry and bright.

magic. Cultivating more self-confidence was on the mental agenda the moment I woke up this morning & then *this* . Thanks Frank. I appreciate your acknowledgement of the ebb & flow of confidence. Your rise from the early days is definitely inspirational. I need them, too. haha

Knowing my personality type has helped me to build my confidence because know who I am and how I react to things helps me to understand my "weirdness" and has helped me to love who I am and accept me for who I am. I still feel everyone is constantly judging me.

Frank, seeing you grow had been an encouragement and a blessing, it gives me hope in building my own confidence, I truly enjoyed this video, thanks

This is good. Thank you friend!

this is a revelation, thank you so much for this

I’ve been watching a lot of your infj specific videos lately and I’m continually surprised to hear someone speaking my language so fluently. I feel so understood! I don’t think anyone has ever been an advisor to me before -that’s always my job. But these videos are making me feel well advised and encouraged to grow through the things that are causing me pain at the moment. Lack of confidence being a big one. Thanks FJ!

I found your channel just a couple weeks ago: came for the humor, subscribed for the INFJ insight. It's great to hear someone else gets how I live. Thanks for your videos!

I really needed this a year ago!! The people in my work environment at the time made me feel like I was useless, but then went back to previous work environment and was told I was so good at my job.... same me, same role... but how people perceived me really influenced how I saw myself.

Hi Frank🙋🏻‍♀️, love your content. Have a wonderful 2020.

Thank you so much for these videos!!

I love the progression we see in you through the years in your videos, Frank. This is a good addition to your old school videos. (Repetition + time)/feedback = self confidence. By late 30’s/early 40’s this seems way easier, I guess because as FJ explains, added time and repetition helps.

I love this human being.

thank you for this video frank

Loved this video! And your older stuff too! Even back then you’ve always been able to explain things that really resonated with me. It’s been fun to watch a fellow INFJ grow 😊.

I absolutely love your videos, even your first ones! I have always pondered on why i am the way i am, but after doing the test and then reasearching, its obvious and now very clear. Your videos have made me grow and even better understanding of myself. Thank you for doing your videos, they are amazing! Keep em coming!

Another great video! Thanks for being you, Frank!:)

Wowie, there was an ad before this one, success!

Spot on! Excellent video.

Always love your vids. 🙏

I'm an INFJ and I'm STRUGGLING with this hard. I know (in my head) what it means to love/accept myself, but I can't find a way to put it into action, and I feel like it's really cratered my confidence in social settings. The worst thing is when I try to convince others that I know what I'm capable of, my lack of confidence in myself betrays me, and people start to believe the opposite. The worst feeling is spending the second half of the interview trying to convince the other person that I'm qualified for the position, and it feels like an uphill battle.

Needed this today

Hey Frank I started watching your stuff when you first started. Been so inspiring to watch you grow in some cool ways. I’m 52 and you have helped enlighten me to lots of my INFJ ways lol. Also my son is an INFJ and scary how he looks like you. Thanks for the encouragement! I want to support this channel and just bought a t-shirt. “Stay Cool & Attractive” FJ 😎

Always love your videos! Thanks!

Hey, thank you for providing me with the answers I have been asking myself for years. This enlightenment and emergence from chaos gives me a solid basis for working on myself. This is relief and finally awareness: Hey, you act differently, your brain is okay, you can make use of it. It's a long way ahead of me, but at least now I'm standing and I'm not floating. At least for now. Thank you.

I needed this 20 years ago...

Ok, I’m in love with you😂😂😂. Even your hair looks confident today😊

Your old videos are also so insightful as they are now!! I appreciate that the old parts of your channel haven’t been purged (therefore I can get the whole FJ School for INFJs experience-old and new, lol)

I appreciate the heck out of you

Loved how you explained it and I realized that this year has been one tough in learning how to be confident irrespective of what others say/think. It is powerful but requires discipline and commitment with ourselves... that never comes naturally to us, does it?! Love your hair style lately and I just noticed in a close up... what pretty eyes you have!! Staying cool and attractive we all!! 😉😊

I just talked to my mom about my self-confidence issues and i'm glad you uploaded this today. I've been confused lately about my confidence that i feel like i'm not even taking care of myself so those steps you mentioned look like the right path to start. I didn't think of success on my own terms until you said it haha i think it's time i start to give myself some room and appreciate the stuff i've done

I'm off work for Christmas, so I can actually view your videos early for once! - I really liked how you explained that confidence comes in waves. I really needed to hear that. I think we all put too much pressure on ourselves to have high self esteem and high self confidence all the time when its perfectly okay to not have it 24/7. I always viewed myself as a person with low confidence but when I look back throughout my life, there are many times when I did feel confident in myself.

I'm an ISFJ and I really needed to hear this. Thanks for making this video. I am constantly worrying about what other people are thinking of me and then I don't think properly and make stupid mistakes and it just pulls my confidence down since I feel like I am being judged by others.

I am coming across this video at the right time as I coming into my own an healthier INFJ. Since I found this channel and a few others I have realized that I'm a people pleaser to a fault. I never pursued my own endeavors because others wouldnt support my vision. I felt isolated. My growth has come from not wanting to be liked so bad and its not easy at first. I am becoming more and more comfortable with my retreat from people and using that time to do things only I find important. My confidence comes from what I do when Im alone. Before this channel I never really consciously used my ppl hiatuses to define what I want and do what I like. It didnt just make me more confident but more assertive. I dont shy away from conflict and dont get ran over ( as much lol ) because I have me and what I need defined. Your videos and other channels shown me that we our weirdness doesnt have to be a curse we just have to be willing to accept ourselves and find joy when no one is around. That is the confidence I got from your videos. Thank you for your channel Frank.

Thanks FJ. You are the best. I like how you tied finding confidence to working on our inferior functions. Self confidence can be built by weighing the facts objectively. That is using Ti and Se. I don't think we INFJs give ourselves enough credit. We are too focused on what we haven't achieved perfectly an how other people who have their own shortcomings view us. When we learn to objectively focus on all the gifts we have and all we have achieved, we will start to bubble with self confidence. Loved the video. Great job.

The transition btwn 8:37 to 8:42 lmao I feel that on so many levels

Oh, geez. I didn't know I needed to hear this today, but my happy tears are telling me I did. My confidence has been at an all-time low these past few years, so the reminder that it's okay to be "good enough" just did wonders for helping me feel a little better. Thank you, Frank! 💕

I swear every time you upload it’s exactly what I need! Tysm you’re amazing (((((:

It's most of the time just about going out there, showing up for yourself and doing it! You have to take that leap. There is no other way. In order to do something worth doing, you have to risk doing it badly in the beginning. That's the only way you can grow and learn. I am an opera singer, and there was a lot of work I had to do to get to where I am today. Mostly, the work was internal. When you go on stage, it's the same feeling like walking out naked in front of a hall of people. Sometimes showing up and sharing yourself with the world is such a vulnerable and intimate act. But you have to do it. The rewards are so much greater than the fear of judgement or failure. Yes, I have been judged and criticized. But you know what, I am grateful to everyone and everything, to all my failures and lessons, to all the people that judged me. They made me grow a thicker skin, become more loving and kind to others and most importantly to myself. Go out there guys and be you and do you!!!! We need you no matter what.

These videos have actually been life changing for me. You’ve really opened my eyes to things I have been blind to and roasted me in a nice way 😂. Thank you bc I really, really needed it. I’ve been thinking non stop but not doing.

Thank you for your videos. To find someone who sees things the way I do and to help people with our journey

You absolutely nailed this

Frank, you're so good at what you do that types that aren't infj regularly watch your videos! Bam, confidence boosted (hopefully).