Influencers are NOT Your Friends | Parasocial Relationships 

I feel uncomfortable when they say, “I wanted to come back because I missed you guys . . . you’re my besties,” when in reality it’s about their paycheck :/. Like just be real with us pls.

It’s when influencers say “guys, WE hit 500k followers!” As if that paid sponsorship/RU-vid money is going to find its way into my bank account? It’s the same with people and football clubs. If people spent half the time investing in their own real personal relationships as they do online, the world might not be so bad.

I’m just tired of hearing that EVERY influencer has to be a role model, some of them don’t really influence much and are just popular people on the internet... and that’s actually okay, they should just be referred to as socialites, simples x

moral of the story: stop defending, idolizing, or investing your time on someone who DOESN'T KNOW NOR CARE YOU EXIST !

Love this content, I really don’t see influencers as friends because they aren’t. They are doing a job and that’s ok x

A wise woman was asked what’s the best advice would you give a newlywed couple for a long lasting marriage? She said whenever you have a falling out with your spouse do not go complaining to everyone because once you have forgiven your spouse and moved on, those other individuals will hold onto that argument that you both had and hold it over the spouse head, which isn’t fair! The best and greatest advice ever... of course you should speak with someone you can trust a neutral person that won’t take sides..

Making you think they’re your friend is how they keep you coming back and trusting their ‘reccomendation’s’ AKA ads.

Off topic- I love your eyebrows

I feel like influencers are slightly becoming higher in status than celebs just because of the access people have to their lives. They’re the perfect blend between reality & celeb.. more people right now will rather be an influencer than reach celeb status

This video is so good, idolatry is manifested in our society literally just through the idea of celebrities and influencers! Some people are considered better because they can dress well, are cute or can entertain- a lot of people do not even realise it but it’s so prevalent.

Exactly don’t spend your whole check following them and their makeup suggestions. They change their favorite foundation weekly !!! Not in my wallet sis.

This is why I never understood stanning celebs. Like huhh they don’t even know you. It’s okay to like them but take it easy please we’re all human.

I wonder if that's why fans feel kind of entitled to the lives of influencers because there aren't really any real expectations from either side.

True when I was a kid. I had fan accounts. It’s a waste of time. I had one direction, alternative bands, Adam saleh. They were different years apart, not all in once. I didn’t gain nothing. I never saw them in person or give me a shoutout online. When I see a young kid online with fan accounts I wish I can talk to them to stop. Influencer make money and you have no money. Grow yourself and invest in your self.

Influencer is a fancy name for a salesman :)

I ain’t go lie I only came cause I thought that you were saying something negative about Jackie. But, I learned a lot today.

I think the wildest thing with social media is that you literally brand yourself. You become a product. Wild.

I'd like to add that influencers are invested in keeping the parasocial relationship going to sustain their status. Meaningless platitudes like "I love you all. You mean so much to me", "I missed talking with you" etc are tools to keep the viewer engaged and serving the relationship.

She spoke facts when she said, "we view influencers as our friends, but we don't treat them like our friends."

I feel like K-pop fans need to see this video asap! I love the music, but am I delusional? Nope. Persona VS person. Learn the difference ma peeps 🥰

I don't remember the video or the exact comment. But a comment said something along the lines. We're here watching her live this amazing life. Instead of wasting time watching someone else build and live her life. We should be working on building our own lives and making our own experiences. Meaning that we spend too much watching other people when we should be working on ourselves.

“They’re your friend that lies” ...so funny! 😂😂

It makes me a bit crazy when RU-vidrs say they "love" their fans. Like, I'm sure they love everything their fans give to them-success, praise, validation, money, etc. But they don't love the actual people who are watching them. They don't even know them. I've been struck recently by how much I connect with certain people I watch and how one sided it is, haha. Not saying it's a bad thing, just that it's important to be aware of!

Some influencers don't care about their fans. They will promote scam to their followers knowing it benefits them.

This Queen was recommended to me & I’m subscribed

I watch influencers just to see how they do business! Like Patricia Bright always ordering Beyonce stuff because she wants to be on her circle. Which is fine I do appreciate her hard work .And if you think about is usually 4 videos per month, how do you think you know that person with only 4 videos of their best edited footage ?

deffo agree! influencers/celebs are not your friends and its unhealthy for you and worrying for them to treat them as such. HOWEVER, i don' t think the influencer/celeb is entirely blameless, it may be a one-sided relationship but it was not built alone. you'll constantly see influencers say things like, 'love you guys!', "we really are family!" "i really feel like i can talk to you guys cause we're friends!' and 'omg WE hit 100k subs, i love you guys so much!'. they may not realise it but i'd argue this is manipulation masqueraded as engaging with your viewership/fans in order to grow your brand/business. the real question here is do these influencers/celebs love their followers or do they just love what they do for them? (i know which one i'm picking lmao). i mean they throw around words like 'love' and 'family' then their shocked when their followers think exactly like that. there's a cognitive dissonance there lol teanna empowers did a brilliant video on influencer-side manipulation that both supports and fans this unhealthy parasocial dynamic you guys should deffo check out.

when Krept and Sasha broke up I realised I was too invested in influencers/celebs

I don’t understand why people would worship celebrities..like why ?😂

RU-vid really be recommending gems to me these days ☕️ such a good video- kinda puts a barrier for up and coming influencers because the cancel culture is so rampant- we often never forgive people the way we want to be forgiven. But I do have more hope that our generation is learning and changing

The Michael Jackson concert clips thou🤣🤣🤣 they use to really do the entire most!! No different with today’s Stan culture and obsession fans/followers 🙄😒. Social media has just made it 10x worst💯

The picture quality is stunning! Beautiful work guys😊

I am TIRED of being influenced. Allot of these people's lives are not even close to what they portray on line

I like that you’re defining “real” vs “influencer” life. A friend is a influencer but I’ve known her for 15 yrs so she tells me the truth of her struggles but real honesty is bad for business. Influencer honesty is... “I’m 20lbs overweight but I work out for my health not for beauty standards....” Real honesty is...” I didn’t feel good for weeks. Went to the doctor and he told me my blood pressure is sky high and if I don’t lose 20-50lbs I may have a stroke in my 40’s like my mom did” True story.

Side note, you need to read books or something, your voice is soooo soothing!

Not only are they not your friends many of them are not even nice and don’t even have friends in real life. They are used to socializing and talking to a camera. When you actually see them around people, they seem weird and phony even. Raven Elyse comes to mind for me.

Completely agree, I just watch RU-vid videos on certain influences to learn something here or there, however I never collect their type of energy into mine, doesn't work like that. I see them as humans that also, go through things just like daily life people that's why I never get surprised when certain people break up. I believe its a spiritual thing, sometimes is best not to post too much to protect your vibe, from envious people.

Everything you said is just spot on. I remember when some couple I really adored broke up and I was so hurt and blindsided. Also, truly they don’t get as much grace as our real friends get.

Kpop fans have entered the chat.

Yes the parasocial relationship can also be seen by BTS I am a army ( bts fan name) but some of them go too far 😭.

I remember running into a fashion blogger on the subway headed towards Queens. I respectfully said hi and made a very brief chat with her…but she was soooo cold and aloof. I was young and naive, she didn’t owe me anything. But it was a learning experience to see influencers as content creators and nothing more. When when I see someone in the wild I just let them be.

"They're not offered the same grace" hmmm word

I’m studying psychology atm and this is really interesting. Wise words ❤️hope you’re well🙏🏾

I work with influencers to promote my brand and I do paid advertisement through Facebook and I understand that when I do a promo with an influencer that it is a business relationship between the influencer and I. We are not friends.

Social media is a very cut-throat industry, nothing but parasitical relationship are one sided loyalty. Influencers sometimes are narcissist.

I've seen alot of RU-vidrs talk about this, but your angle has been my favorite so far. Nice job!

I never heard of parasocial relationships lol it was great to learn

i know this is slightly off topic, but I love your eyebrows!

This is literally what I’m going through right now. I had to take a break from Facebook because my platform was becoming toxic. I had people demanding things of me, overstepping boundaries, and criticizing the way I was reacting to things. People sent me DMs feeling like they could advise me on things or critique me like they were my parents or sibling.

Thank you! You just expressed a concern I've been having recently about a lot of people's responses to influencers. Especially in the UK, it seems really personal and vicious when people defend/ ridicule influencers on the UK gossip pages and it makes me wonder if people genuinely feel that they have some form of relationship with these influencers because things get taken soo far for the smallest thing.

I agree with mostly everything you said. However, I do think more people are cognizant of the fact that influencers are not our friends. I think 'cancelling' people and not extending them the grace that you would extend to your real life friends is an example of people understanding the difference of true interpersonal relationships and parasocial ones. While I don't think people should be leaving hateful and nasty comments about others, if an influencer/celebrity are doing something you don't like, you're completely entitled to take your business (in most cases views & follows) elsewhere, no questions asked. I think extending grace is an admirable thing to do, but like you said, it's not a real friendship. It's not personal when people decide to stop following/listening to/watching someone because of their actions or words.

It's the "Are you not entertained" Sparta part for me 😂 This was so informative and on point. Influencers are doing a job. Let's not act like they owe us anything

We need more videos like this sis

I know this is a weird thing to say but I truly miss the era where celebrities weren’t TRYING to be “relatable” and “normal”. Your lifestyle and experiences are nothingggg like the average persons so why pretend like it is??? Older celebrities don’t usually use social media like that and the only current ones I can think of is ppl like Zendaya and Beyoncé, who use social media but we don’t know everythinggg about their lives. This pandemic really showed a LOT of these ppls asses and just how out of touch they are with reality. In their mansions with millions, we just aren’t the same.

Just came across your channel...i love your intellectual content. I love your balance.

Weelll....I understand the point being made in the video about disclosing certain aspects of relationships to friends and or family. However, word to the wise, if I knew then in my newlywed stage of marriage what I know now going on twenty years of marriage is this. ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY would I EVER disclose ANYTHING intimate about what goes on or what happened between me and my husband to ANYONE/ANYBODY AGAIN, past, present, and future...NOTHING TO NO ONE, close or trusted friend, family member, etc...DOESN'T MATTER. YOU MAY...no, dare I say, YOU WILL LIVE TO REGRET IT. Unless the person is an unbiased trained therapist that you and your husband don't know personally and who's outside your social circle that you and your husband need to seek guidance from, I say refrain from discussing your marriage in detail ESPECIALLY disagreements. Your rift with your husband would grow wider than Victoria lake if you continue to do so. Even the success the two of you may have i.e. increase in income, traveling plans, gifts, purchasing a new home....I WOULD SAY NOTHING and in reference to the new home, I mean not disclosing that the two of you are looking to move/buy a new home UNTIL YOU ACTUALLY CLOSE ON THE HOUSE...and yes my husband and I actually did just that when we moved from our starter house to our "forever home." Disagreements/arguments between husbands and wives can be resolved between the two of them even if it's agreeing to disagree. But you don't want people in your marriage...I've lived and learned that intimacy and privacy is highly important in a marriage.

Social media and the direct correlation between popularity/views/followership and the influencer financial status has also made people feel entitled to the lives of influencers. It's why strangers can cancel you because you said a word wrong or didn't smile that one time a fan said hi. One youtuber had a small crowd of mostly teenagers and some parents show up to his house and demand to see him. When he asked that they leave because it was his actual home, one mom said to the kids "you made them who they are." Implying they were entitled to his attention and entertainment in his home.

I am very aware of it. I try not to be invested in popular people lives:celebs,influencers etc.... aka and be invested in my own life.

It's so crazy, I want to be a full time youtuber and influencer, but I have such a hard time sharing some things wow. But it's apart of the job.

I mean...clearly. The fact that there is a need for this kind of clarity is troublesome. Some people really need to hear it though.

I think we forget that some of these influencers are also brands. I mean yes they’re people but they have a business and one of their goals revolves around having many customers. IMO It’s cool to enjoy their products and their character online. I like what you said about not really knowing their full story or who they are behind closed doors and I think that’s important to remember.

i will never understand when an influencer tells their fans "i love you guys sm" like the only reason you "love" your fans is because they put $ in your bank account by watching you. as heartbreaking as that sounds, its true. i feel like ppl overanalyze the fact their fave "loves" them so much, which makes them gain the parasocial attraction to that influencer. kinda manipulative on the influencer's part i'd say.

Haven't even finished the video yet but sis is spitting factss

wow this is so powerful. Thank you for educating...I definitely love the part where you speak about giving people grace.

It’s all what you take from the parasocial relationship. I love showing support but know their not my friend.It’s sad many don’t get that.

This is so interesting! My dissertation is kind of similar to this topic!

Thank you for making this video! Another thing that relates to this are those so called love, relationships, self-love “gurus” giving the advice to thousands of people.

So many gems in this!!

Obsession or parasocial REEL LIFE expectations or REALITY They are living their life...and you can live yours too. Some are lying and you don’t know what they do to get that though to go to somewhere like Dubai...it may be gross than you think. Who knows? There’s a difference of someone who has built an influence around a particular field of interest and they perfectly mix that with their friendliness, expertise and opinion leadership. Plus some things are better off from social media.

Well explained girl. It simply isn't healthy.. have a look at big youtube channels in multiple genres and you see this over and over... people telling the influencer how they love them.. or when the influencer has a drama, the unknown followers goes over the top in their comments to express empathy as though they know them.. often these followers talk about how such and such has helped them get through a tough time.. and how their videos have saved them etc.. or they pay far too much interest in every life happening of the influencer... this cannot then be a coincidence that we are seeing a massive spike in depression, anxiety etc.. as these same followers have a huge disconnect in their regular lives.. they show empathy, adoration etc for the influencer, yet they don't show this often for people in their own lives ( families, friends etc).. how can people have more focus, time, empathy and consideration for people they don't even know? and yet more than ever, the fabric of society is deteriorating friendships, people being present, showing compassion for those in their real life communities... if people don't wake up soon, or choose to disconnect more often , then truly the world is in trouble. ( the irony of me saying this online. ) yet there has to be a balance. Following an influencer, should purely be about learning from them, watching their creativity, and then being inspired to apply these principles into our own lives.. and nothing more... thanks for a insightful vid!

Yes, this is the kind of content that I subscribe to! The reality behind social media... maybe a title suggestion? 🧐

Miss Ma’am, this quality is amazing and I don’t even have my glasses 🤓.

I thought this was common sense 🤷‍♀️ was unaware of this definition though thank you 😊

Influencers can turn you into idol worshiper. Especially if they are relatable. I just had to block some people from my insta when I realised I was always praising them “wow sis that outfit is amazing” etc. ALL THE TIME And if you look at some of their content requires you to engage with their content (I get that we should support them) and that’s their business but it’s so easy to get caught up in supporting them. When you could have used that energy to build yourself up. Following influencers can be toxic in that aspect. Has anyone else found this out? A para social relationship is dangerous as it’s based on familiarity but their are no fully formed bonds. It’s always onesided, and actually emotionally damaging in the long run.

Thank you for this 🤕 🙏🏾 tbh I hate referring to them as ‘influencers’ because they don’t acc influence me to do anything 🥴

There’s a few people I like watching but I have never been so obsessed with anyone the way I see other people. Like the addiction to wanting to know someone’s every move, copying their clothing style, the details of the food their eating… sending them money and gifts. Even buying stuff they endorse through sponsorships and automatically trusting their judgment. Caring so much about the intimate details of their lives… It’s crazy and I’m baffled at how codependent some people seem to be on people they’ve never met and don’t even know who you are!

So true. It's gotten to the point where real life day to day people who used to be good realistic role models, are not seen in that light anymore because their package doesn't seem to come with much "umph" or pizazz.

I think this is such an important video. A lot of young people form pretty close and serious one-sided infatuations with celebrities, and it prohibits them from forming healthy relationships with people who reciprocate their love.

You’re so eloquent with your words. Love this video

I agree but I also disagree. I know if I was a influencer I would consider my subscribers and followers like family or friends. Because social media can be a nice little community full of people with the same interests. Calling their supporters family or friends is just a way to make everyone feel loved and welcome. I don't believe they are trying to be deceptive but rather appreciative and loving.

It’s amazing that you have to tell people this.

Needed to hear this, thank you. I literally just went through and still going through mental and spiritual turmoil over this issue.

Translation: im not your friend, so let’s keep it respectful, professional & also with critical thought.

SUCH AN IMPORTANT CONCEPT!!! People, if you respect yourself, stop cultivating these parasocial relationships with celebrities/influencers, and start channeling that energy into your own well-being and elevation. Period.

Really loved this video. "Besties" one minute and then getting canceled the next as soon as your opinion offends the "besties"

Exactly!!! You just a dollar 💵 to them!!! I don’t sweat these girls or living through them smh

I'm officially at that age where I don't even know HALF of these ppl being hyped up today

I always wonder why influencers always say I love you at the end of their videos. I’ve always found it really weird.🤷🏽‍♀️

Love love love your videos and your general take on things. Super insightful and wise

Should've just changed the title from influencers to celebrities in general. None of these people care about you beyond what you provide to them.

It was Jaime and Nikki for me. Lol.They portrayed this perfect image and broke up and had the nerves not to at least share what the demise of their break up was. We never asked for details. lol. I’m sorry you can’t share all the good and not expect your “fans” to expect to be curious and want to know what caused the demise of this “perfect” relationship. I vowed to never watch a vlog again. lol

Omg I wrote my dissertation on this in 2017. Love it

You literally can rock any hairdo 💁‍♀️ beautiful

The "Big Twitter Cancelling" was a good example of not only us treating influencers differently than our irl friends, but also showed me how influencers react to us (as individuals): I dm'd one of my fave influencers at the time with a positive message as I figured she was getting so much hate on the timeline, maybe showing support would be nice. Next thing I know: I was blocked. LOL I guess to influencers an individual opinion doesn't matter as much as what the masses say, to them We - as a collective- are their friend in this parasocial friendship, not individually.

I feel like this kind of relationship can be compared to a sponsor-relationship? Like I don't remember exactly who but I've heard of a certain artist (famous) who had a sponsor who's only criteria for sponsoring him is that they never meet. So I kind of see it as the same thing. Nowadays, being a "sponsor" is more available, even people without lots of money can "sponsor" artists with their views, likes and shares and tbh I like the fact that I'll probably never meet my favourite online personalities. I'd rather support them from afar, give them views and likes and shares so more opportunities can open up for them and enjoy their content without having to deal with unnecessary socialising. I get my socialising needs met by family and friends so I don't need it from online personalities but this is very heavily dependent from person to person

Influencers are going go be obsolete by 2025 I think, nobody really cares about them anymore 🤷🏽‍♂️

I love how you clearly you explain this in a down to earth view, facts. This is especially great for the young and influencable teens etc. When your young youre more likely to idolize a person to the point its almost god-like. When youre older you get more rational and less impressed with everything. But some adults also can get confused about this point. Love this video👍

loved this content! I do have a couple of influencers that I follow because they do their job really well. I appreciate your commentary!

Lol loving the editing in this video. Just perfect 👌🏾

i will never understand how ppl say “this celeb/influencer has changed me” like i get how they can impact u with their work. but changed? like they dont even know u how could they change u?