It’s Me vs The Child-Free 

So hubby and I never wanted kids. We work in the ER so someone has to be there - so we have always offered to cover Christmas Eve and Christmas Day so that our colleagues with kids can have that time together. We make that decision because we want to do right by their kids and help make it magical for them. Our decision, though. This year, we adopted a teenager. Between a crappy bio family (his words) & time in the foster system, he's never had a "proper Christmas" and we want to give him the best Christmas ever. I've been putting together menus, buying gifts, inviting all the family (as we never normally get to see them either), the works. I told my boss - "I've worked the last 10 Christmases straight - I've done my share and now I want this one off" and I explained why. In September, so that they'd have loads of time to arrange cover. There are 6 other people capable of covering my role and I think I'm being perfectly reasonable. OMG, the backlash!! I've been accused "ruining Christmas" for families who have had EVERY Christmas together since their child was born because *I* offered to cover (again, contracts say we take turns and I've covered 10 in a row...). Apparently, their child "deserved" Christmas with their parents "more" because (& I quote) "he's not even your real son". Hubby's team were amazing and immediately said "of course!". But mine? Selfish, ungrateful pricks. I was so angry, I took it to HR who agreed and I formally have this Christmas off. But now my "colleagues with kids" are furious - and then have the audacity to tell me to cover when their kids are sick... After trying to ruin our first proper Christmas? Nah, that ship has sailed. If your kid's that ill, bring it to work and put it in a paediatric bed... Kids or no kids - some people are awesome and others are bellends. It's the kids of the bellends I feel for, though... They deserve better (from their parents - I've given them enough...) 💕

As a child of two first responders, holidays never revolved around a set date in our household. That didn't make it any less special. Also bonus, buying gifts in the days after the holidays is a good way to save tons of money.😅

As a child-free young adult, thank you for your kind words. I don't mind taking shifts for my fellow child-havers, but that's only because I don't have any family to care about, and my friends want to spend time with their families at this time - I'd rather be lonely and earning, than lonely and broke. (Also, "crop of womb fruits" is an awesome phrase!)

Thank 👏🏼 You 👏🏼!!! My son is 25 and is getting a vasectomy next year because he doesn't want kids, and I'm fine with that because I trust him with his mind & body. The same goes for my daughters. The medical decisions they make for themselves have nothing to do with me. Parents' jobs are education, empowerment, and encouragement for their children.

As an adopted child, I have a lot of attachment and abandonment trauma that I don’t want to pass on. I’m happily child-free, but I love kids! I’ve worked with them for years, I’m the first person to volunteer to babysit and treat my friend’s kids like they are the most important people in the world. Still, I’m constantly subjected to the “childless woman” judgement and criticisms, which can sometimes feel like rubbing salt in the wound. 🥺 Edit to add: Many of us are also caring for older parents and relatives; we’re still caregivers.

As someone who’s child-free and lives alone, I would get very frustrated with my managers about this in my old job. I had no one to go home to at the end of the day, and the only way I could have non-work human interaction was when I had days off. While people with families get touch and interaction with people who cared about them as humans on a daily basis (one hopes at least), I only get it by making plans to see people which I only get to do when I have time off. So being told I don’t need the time off as much because I don’t have a family was a real punch in the gut

Thank you for this. I knew from a VERY young age that I did not want to have children. I was not interested in baby dolls as a kid, and when I was a teenager, I firmly stated that I do not want children. It was so tiresome to constantly hear "you'll change your mind." I did not change my mind. Fast forwards to adulthood, with friends shoving babies in my arms and insisting I would be a "great mother". Sure, I can hold a kid and do all the right things- that does not mean I want to be a mother. They kept doing this "talking to me" about being a mother as if I were somehow broken for not wanting to be. Some people act like this is a womans only destiny. Or that I'm "immature" for not wanting kids. I don't hate children. I just don't want them. I have my own goals to pursue and they do not include worrying about the wellbeing of a child.

My mother-in-law informed me, in front of my child, that I ruined Thanksgiving because I chose to work. I explained that our family unit could use the money (I got paid double my hourly). She proceeded to demand that I not work on Christmas Eve (when we have dinner plans with her side of the family) or Christmas Day (when we have no plans at all). Where is my side of the family in all of this? They understand because my mother used to have to work on holidays and my sister is working too. We celebrate holidays after the big day - it is WAY cheaper to get clearance Thanksgiving/Christmas stuff (napkins, plates, and even decor) a couple of days later anyways.

One of my wife's coworkers is the worst version of this. She insists that her pto requests should take precedence over everyone else's because "I have kids" - both of whom are in college now, and one of whom no longer lives at home during vacations. But she'll pitch a fit if anyone asks for time off that coincides with any holidays or birthdays or anything else, because how dare they take away her time with her precious babies. Who, again, are now adults.

Hi Gwena (sorry if I spelled your name wrong). I appreciate you pointing out that child free people deserve a day off or time off too. Or even some space. I can't tell you how infuriating it is when I say no to something or I say I don't have time for something and someone says to me "but you don't have kids, you have plenty of time" or they laugh at the notion of me not having time. My time doesn't belong to other people it belongs to me and I want to spend it however way I want and with whoever I want.

As a child free human in a pair bond with another child free human, this is lovely. Your articulation of the absurdity and callous selfishness of people who tell me I won’t know love is divine. Thank you x 1,000,000 ❤🎉

Besides kids, this also pertains to people taking care of their parents. My nursing team always has my back when something comes up with my mom.

As a child free single retail worker with no siblings, this hit hard. We are not open on Christmas but having holiday blackouts and hearing about everyone else's plans and getting stuck with the shifts no one wants because I don't need weekends off or to be home to do bedtime is no fun.

I was a single parent and EMT, I got creative with holidays! I never expected someone else to cover because I had kids!

I needed to hear this. I was my mom's favorite until she found out I don't want kids. Now, she thinks I'm selfish and a sinner for not wanting kids. She thinks my husband will change my mind. I told him I didn't want kids when we were dating and before we were engaged. I was scared he was going to dump me, but he felt the same way.

True facts hun ... I always had kids when I was working but honestly I was the boss so I couldn't ask for time off. Everyone got the same time off no matter who they were and if for some reason someone had to come in like a burst water pipe ... it was me. I am so sick of seeing managers and business owners not leading by example. Not getting in there with the staff and doing what they do on the daily. You can't expect others to do what you ask of them if you aren't willing to do it yourself. This includes being on call over the holidays.

We are childless (we want babies but that wasn't in the cards for us) I am a disabled housewife and my husband is a propane delivery driver and has no probelm working during the holidays because: 1. He makes extra money 2. What is he gonna do? Sit around rhe house and be bored? He can do that during the off season! 3. The customers on his route give him gifts 4. He doesn't want his customers to freeze esp the elderly ones 5. He actually saved an elderly gentleman's life once- hubby found him outside as he had fallen so now my husband takes extra care with his elderly customers 6. He isn't close to his family (his father is an evil abusive sociopath and his narc brother is his mom's favorite) And my family is awesome and understanding so they don't mind if he can't make it- my parents pick me up of we need to get together 7. I LOVE MY ALONE TIME. I love my husband and do worry abt hus safety (it's a dangerous job) but I don't need him glued to my hip. He can make that money so I can spend it!! 😂

I've been watching your stuff for a while (mostly tik toks and shorts) and I kept finding myself asking why, because I never want to have kids. In fact I just got sterilized 2 weeks ago. This is it. On top of healing something in me by seeing you be such a good mom, you understand and sympathize with people like me. Hearing someone who DOES have kids validate my experience and say that I dont have to have a thesis backing up my life choices is an incredible feeling. Thank you so much.

THANK YOU!!!!!! I'm single & chose to not have kids because financially I can't afford a child! Also because I didn't want to bring a child into this fu**ed up world. I have a nephew who calls me mom because his biological mom disowned him because alcohol is more important. I have raised my nephew from birth. He is 17 now & still considers me his mom. Even though I'm his Aunt. I agree with everything you said!! Again THANK YOU for posting this video!

I'm childfree but your videos have helped me reparent myself. Thank you for your videos. Love your content!

You are an absolutely wonderful person. Such an empathetic, understanding, logical and down to earth person. You also have an incredible way of speaking and using words in such an eloquent, sometimes blunt, but always intentional, way. The world needs a million more of you. Thank you for sharing these bits of yourself with us.

Your compassion brought me to tears. I'm so used to hearing how cruel or selfish I am for not wanting kids and then getting pressured to give up all of my holiday time. My manager has come out and said she gives preference to parents on their days off. I do try to help the parents in my company out where I can, but I also lost my mom a few years ago and now I want every spare moment I can get with my dad.

Thank you Glenna… not having children was NOT my idea. Mother Nature decided that FOR me

I love how you take on challenging topics. Questioning cultural norms and finding nuance in situations is my favorite!

This. Thank you SO much for making this video. My husband and I are childfree and it can be very difficult with all the judgements.

This is where a diversity of cultures within a workplace environment is helpful, some people would want Christmas off, some want Sundays, others want Diwali off. Having a workplace environment not only accept but value that people come into the workplace with a verity of belief helps.

Not specifically holidays, but my partner offered to work weekends (medical field) as long as she got two days off in a row so her co-workers with kids can have the weekends. After a few weeks of them shuffling her schedule to whoever called out that week, she revoked her offer because her schedule was an absolute shit show.

As a child-less person, I've offered to cover several shifts for my coworker with a 15 month old daughter. Either her childcare fell through or something came up that needed to be attended to. But because if this, she was willing to take my just before and after Christmas shifts because her family was all local and mine required 6 hours of travel, 12 for round trip. She heard I was planning to drive up after an 8 hour shift Christmas Eve, and then drive back starting super early on the 26 to work a closing shift and said "Absolutely not". She asked my boss if she could take those shifts. My boss said if I didn't mind than she didn't. I got to spend a whole 3 days with family I hadn't seen in almost a year at that point. It was wonderful and I greatly appreciate her for it.

I had a fun one with this. I put in a request so I could travel across the country to visit my family. Everyone else put in their request, except one. She had the unmitigated gall, the very audacity to run to our manager and say that my request should be retroactively denied since I don't have a child. I asked if she was going to reimburse my airline ticket. Then I stood there and thought about it and said your son is 17, he lives with you. You'll be just fine.

I know a person who has a husband and children and she is barely at her job because of the "kids". She can "only" work 10-3, 4 days a week and still misses 25 percent of her work The problem is in the field she works is not a 10-3 job. It can be an all hours of the day kind of profession (many 3 am calls). She can't be on call because of "kids" can't work past three because of "kids" can't go out on calls because "kids', can't work weekends because "kids". I was a single parent for the majority of my children's lives and I understand the struggle but it just seems like the "kids" are the excuse for not wanting to work. It alienates the people who do not have kids because someone has to pick up the slack and makes them resent their co workers.

As a single parent working in healthcare, my union agreement states I have to work 2 of Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year’s Eve, and New Year’s Day unless vacation is taken, with the deciding factor primarily schedule based, then vacation based on seniority. In the last 8 years of employment, I have worked every single Christmas Day, either because I’m scheduled to or because I get mandated into work because someone with more seniority took it off and someone makes me come in. My 7 year old has never had Christmas Day with me on the 25th. I’ve used a variety of options to make Christmas special for my kids. I really like pretending it’s Christmas on a different day and I adjust our advent calendar to match the new day. Dec 23 or 27 is usually “Christmas Day” here. But it’s really cruel to have coworkers who have seniority ALWAYS book off Dec 21-Jan 4 every single year, and that they get away with it because they’ve been there 15 years longer than me. Child free or not, it’s cruel to make younger staff (with kids or not) change their plans every single year because Sally has an annual trip to Jamaica in December. Sally could take her trip mid January instead once every 3 years. Staff morale would improve dramatically.

I have a friend who didn't want kids. She told me this kind of wavering in voice, as me, a parent, might judge her for it. I told her that was her choice. That nobody gets to make it for her. And that nobody should judge her for it. I was born to be a parent. I truly believe that it is my calling in life. However corny that might seem. But that doesn't mean that those who, for whatever reason, do not have kids, are wrong. Besides, my childless friend LOVED watching kids. She was a great babysitter! She just doesn't want the responsibility of them full time.

Childless by choice, thought when I was younger I’d be a horrible parent! Didn’t want to pass on family patterns. Sometimes I’d volunteer to work on holidays, other times I had plans. I agree nobody should decide that I had to work because I don’t have kids.

Thanks Gwenna 💜 I have Borderline Personality disorder & health issues like psychosis, bipolar disorder and Parkinson’s run through my family. I don’t believe in eugenics lol I just know that I wouldn’t be able to provide my potential child the safe and comfortable stability they’d need in order not to activate those epigenetic factors. It’s why I’m so messed up lol. That being said, my parents had me late in their life and it’s now my responsibility to care for them and their home in their bad health. I always tell my mother in law “I know you want grand babies but I gave you some really pleasant cousins-in-law and caring for them is full-time for me.” I don’t fault parents asking me to cover for them while they need to care for their kids. I realize I’m child free and that gives me the luxury of huge amounts of free time and more disposable income, and as I have an immense and deep respect for all parents, I do my best to make their lives easier when I can. Luckily my type of job distributes paid holidays off among all of us equally but I understand it’s not as easy as that for many businesses. Thank you for this nuanced take on how capitalism is once again tearing society apart. You’re a very empathetic and nuanced human and I love your content.

*standing ovation* What a thoughtful, nuanced consideration of this thorny topic. As always I love your take on issues like this and I appreciate you giving voice to it. 👏👏👏

As an almost retired child free working woman, I have covered for those who have kids and never resented any one. That's because I worked for a manager who sent out reminders that we could have 3 staffers off for each Holiday. It was up to the staff to figure it out when the first 3 requests were sent to management was exceeded. And only if 2 of them came in at the same time with the same employment history. Too bad for anyone who didn't have seniority. Though you could only use seniority for your request if you haven't taken Holiday time off in the current and previous year. It worked out well because we worked well together ❤

I personally dont mind working to give others time off, However if the reason they only want it off is " im a mom /dad i need the time" then i admit i hold my day off / vacation time. i have kids too . No one knows about them because they arent my property or excuse to get something i want over someone else.

As a military family, we spent many years celebrating holidays on different days or later on the given day depending on the duty schedule at the time. No one should be forced to work a holiday because the management doesn't properly handle the scheduling. No child free person should ever be made to feel guilty about wanting their paid time off to be during a holiday.

As a child free human, by choice, thank you for this 💙

Firstly, thank you. Secondly, as someone who didn't choose to be child free, but had it chosen for me by genes/biology/health/government policies on foster/adoption, I try very hard to be understanding, but spending my 11th holiday season in a row without even my SO around because he is taking the shifts for all the parents out there (even the bad ones) is very hard. It would be nice to have just one holiday NOT alone. Kids are important, but so is everyone else. Not only do employers need to see this, but parents need to stop guilting the nice people to take their holiday shifts. While I blame my SO for constantly agreeing to do it, those people should never have been so selfish as to put him in the situation of being responsible for their child's happiness. That simply makes you a totally crap parent. (I know: unpopular fact.)

YES! Employers get the upper hand when we mistakenly think it's parents vs the child-free. When in reality, it's actually employers vs employees. By pitting us against ourselves, they weaken us and this allows employers to maintain their power. The child-free and the parents can and should unite around time off around the holidays, most retail stores do not need to be open the week of christmas. Employers act like closing shop for one week is a horrific unthinkable act. Yet, most businesses in Italy close for the entire month of August and the world keeps turning. Granted, Italy has many flaws, but that is one aspect of their culture that we could really learn from. Long story short, I love your reminder that we are on the same team fighting against rigid employers.

Ugh! This is so true. I requested a week off unpaid to VOLUNTEER at a children's camp, and work tried to deny me. They argued my co-worker's 3 weeks off with her family was more important than me taking deserving kids on a wilderness camping trip. I eventually got the time off approved, but my boss started to look for reasons to fire me after that. Good riddance.

My beau and I are having a hard time getting pregnant, and now after a few years, we're telling people we care about, and we're lucky everyone is really kind about it. But families come in all shapes and sizes! You don't need to have kids to be worth something.

This is so weird to me. I worked in a grocery store, and your child status didn’t count for poop. It was all done on basis of seniority. We weren’t open on Christmas anyway. That’s the only day we weren’t open. And the rule worked if you WANTED to work a particular holiday. (Overtime pay).

Well said Gwenna 💗 You're one of the people who give me hope in humanity and the future. Thank you for being you 👏🤩

As a childfree person, thank you for this insightful piece. You are *very* right, it shouldn't be parents against non-parents, but all too often it is. Fortunately(?) for me, some of my disabilities are VERY visible, so I get less flack for not choosing to pass my genes on than other childfree people, but unfortunately, that's not the case for everyone, and as you said, there are a myriad of reasons a person may not have children. I always find your content so engaging and fun, even though I will never be a parent, I like seeing a loving parent's perspective on things. Keep on being amazing you.

I once worked for a company that gave parents extra hours of PTO to go to school functions and other kid appointments. I asked for time off for a vet appointment for my cats, stating that they’re my dependents. I was declined the requested PTO but it was 1000% worth it to see the look on my boss’s face when she realized how stupid I made her look. 😂✌️

My work has to be open so we had a sign up sheet to work on the holiday. Once the volunteers were scheduled they added in those regularly scheduled to work that day of the week.

My best friend is a parent, but all of her kids are out of high school now. She started a new job in January 2023 in an office that seriously prioritizes time off or work-from-home requests from parents. She was routinely denied because so-and-so's request was prioritized (even if her request had been approved previously, it could be rescinded). She's leaving that job. I've regularly reminded her that is how I've been treated my whole career (until now, since I'm the boss now).

As a childless woman, nothing poses me of faster than entitled parents who EXPECT me to make their lives easier. I wanted children, my husband didn't really want children, but we tried and since it turned out to be a make fertility issue and I was already in my late 30s, I decided not to to for IVF, it was too expensive. Now that my husband's parents both have Dementia, I'm not sure sad, I'm almost relived we didn't have children. It wouldn't be possible to have lithe ones, work full-time and do all we do for his parents with my health issues. I do, however, enjoy helping parents. I try to but the boring gifts like clothes or just needed things so the parents can buy the fun stuff. I may even choose to do extra work so a parent can be there for their child, but do not try to guilt me. My husband is the same way, just because we couldn't have kids, don't think you can dump on us. We have fur babies. It's our kitten's first Christmas. He had Cerebellar Hypoplasia and doesn't walk, so he really has become our baby, he's not just some animal. When my sisters kids were little, I got to babysit and make Christmas cookies with them while she abs her husband at the time could do their Christmas shopping. She missed out on making cookies and let me have that, it meant a lot that she would let me have that experience. I have family who like to assume since my husband abs I dint have kids we should have to take care of my grandma or take on extra responsibility here and there because my parent are deceased. Nope, my husband so has his, even with the Dementia taking so much from then, he will spend all of the time he wants to our needs to with them. I just don't understand people who choose to have a bunch of kids and then demand others to make life work for them. Thank you for another wonderful video. I just love your approach to things, it's refreshing.

When I was real little my mom was a teacher, my dad was a store manager. Christmas day without him or waiting until he got home from work was never an issue, I know he wanted to spend that time with us but it was way more important that we had a home, food, clothing, medicine, and transportation.

The part about being incharge of thw calendar is in my opinion the part that parents don't understand when it comes to the child free. Nana June isn't going to celebrate on the 22nd and if a childless person doesn't attend Nana June's Christmas they may not get to celebrate at all. We're not just expected to cater to those with kids in our work lives but also in our personal lives. For example my mom said she doesn't even want to do Christmas presents this year because my sister (who has kids) just moved and her po box isn't assigned yet never mind that I've been planning presents for my parents for months. So yeah I don't have kids but as a second class citizen even within my own family that just means I'm more beholden to the whims of those around me if I want to celebrate.

Womb fruit! Love it. And thank you for speaking up for those of us who get the shaft around the holidays because we don't have womb fruit to entertain while they're out of school. I am child-free. I am the youngest of 5 kids. People who think I have only myself to consider need to think again. When my mom was still living, I took responsibility for ensuring that she always had all of her prescription medications and that her doses were sorted out every week so she only needed to open the daily pill container and take what was in it. I was her primary transportation to medical appointments and went into the consultation room with her to make sure she and I both understood her diagnosis and her doctor's instructions and to make sure that her doctor was informed about any new concerns. I was living at home at the time to better be able to care for her, and one week when we all got terribly ill with some kind of upper respiratory infection, I was literally the only one strong enough to stand up long enough to make a pot of soup and some grilled cheese sandwiches, so I cooked for all of us, and we left the dirty dishes in the sink, and we all went back to bed. And that's all we did that week, I cooked, we all ate, and we slept. When I started feeling better at the end of the week, I did the dishes. When she passed 10 years ago, I was the one who called my siblings to let them know she was in hospice and it was time to come see her, and I was the one who called the rest of the family to let them know when she was gone and to inform them when and where the funeral service would be held. When my dad, who is significantly younger than mom, decided to retire I went with him to the Social Security office to ensure that he understood the information they were giving him. Prior to his retirement when his job slowed down and he started getting laid off in the slow season, I helped him log on to the state unemployment website and complete his unemployment application. Now that he is on Medicare, he asks me to review all of his Medicare correspondence to ensure that his bills are being paid properly and he is not being charged for things that Medicare should cover. When he finally decided to write up a living will and a medical power of attorney, I was the one designated to make decisions for him in the event that he could not do so himself. When my oldest brother's car broke down at midnight, stranding him at work, I am the one he called to drive him home 20 miles out of town. When another of my brothers had to travel more than 200 miles to the nearest cancer center for a consultation with a specialist, I was his driver. When he had complications with his chemotherapy and went by ambulance to the emergency room and was not released from the ER until three in the morning, I was the one who was called to take him home. When he got covid over Thanksgiving I packed him several days' worth of meals, and stopped at the supermarket for him, and made sure he had several boxes of Kleenex. When my third brother and his wife were down with the flu the following Thanksgiving, I packed them several days' worth of meals as well. In both cases I provided paper plates, napkins and plastic utensils and packed all the food in disposable containers so nobody had to do dishes while they were sick. The week of Christmas is usually the only time I get to see my youngest brother, his wife and my nephew, who live out of state. My Christmas holiday typically doesn't start until they get here, so I was usually content to work Christmas Eve and even Christmas Day. But when my last employer started giving preference to people who requested the entire week off, I quit volunteering. I love my family too, and I want to be able to spend my holidays with them. So while I don't have a kid of my own to consider at Christmas, my nephew and my two nieces from my other brother's wife and my two great nephews are very important to me and I like having time to spend with them at the holidays. I am the one who checks on my father once a week and keeps in touch with my two oldest brothers who are still single. I plan and prepare the family dinner when my youngest brother and his family come to visit from out of state. I get the mail and feed the pets for my dad and brothers when they go out of town. For those members of my family who are not terribly tech savvy, when they need information or resources that are most easily available online, I do the research for them and gather the information. When they need to interact with some government website for Social Security or Medicare information, I help them do that. As the youngest member of my family everybody took care of me while I was growing up. Now as my turn to look after them. I may not have children, but I do have to consider the needs of a lot of other people, not just around the holidays but all year long. You don't need to have kids to know what it means to love and care for other people, and even if I hadn't assumed the responsibility of helping the older members of my family, my family responsibilities or lack thereof should have no bearing whatsoever on whether I get time off for the holidays.

I have a half sister and when we couldn’t have her on Christmas my parents always told us (when we were old enough to understand dates) that they talked to Santa and told him to bring our presents a different day. We still got all the same magic and got to do it all together. (I remember celebrating Christmas in January.) Now as a parent with a step child, I do the same for our kids. I tell them that mommy and daddy can talk to Santa and we already told him what day to bring our presents. Our kids still get to feel the same magic without worrying about a certain day. Our child gets to have a magical Christmas with us and with their mom.

I have a huge family but no children of my own. I'll cover where i can but i get pushback from my family. Your grandparents aren't getting any younger. Your cousin just had a new baby. I have nieces nephews aunts and uncles. Just because i don't have "a family of my own" doesn't mean i don't have other people that depend on me. That doesn't even include my friends and thier children. Regardless of everyones family situations time should be split as evenly as possible. Everyone has something or someone that time off would aid in attending 2. 💯percent agree with you gwena thank you.

I can't love this enough!!! Say louder for those in the back!!!

My god - I adore you. I wanted children but made bad choices in partners and so, never did. I've often volunteered to work the holidays because the pay was great. It also helped that my co-workers appreciated me stepping up and were often willing to swap days or cover shifts for me at other times during the year. But that didn't stop one co-worker at one job from taking advantage of me. I regularly covered shifts and holidays for them because their kids needed them. I figured they must be in their early teens. Nope. Both were in college and had driver's licenses. When I found that out, I stopped volunteering to work the holidays until I moved to another job. I'm happy to say that my co-workers with families and my team lead all show gratitude in real ways. It makes life good. And so do you! Believe it or not, listening to your parenting advice helps me forgive my parents and gives me ways to re-parent myself. I'm so grateful for you and your whole clan.

This. Thank you. As someone without a child.

Thanks for this! I'll only add that being childfree doesn't always mean we have no one else to consider but ourselves. Many of us, as you said, have partners and other family to consider as well. Just because the people in our lives aren't our children doesn't mean their feelings and needs around holidays and family time don't matter as much.

I am so glad you brought some light on this. I am so tired of hearing things from co-workers, friends, my own family, and even strangers. I have only ever wanted to have a baby and be a mom, but unfortunately for me I will never get to be a mom. I would give everything and anything to be able to just have one child. People don’t understand what someone like me has been through, but I am still a person, too. No, I will never be able to give love to my own child, but I still know and feel love. I am not where I am, nor can I do what I want, or work as much as I do because I don’t have kids. I still have a life, I still have a partner I share my life with, and I am still human.

Thank you for this! I have wanted to have a discussion about this, myself on my channel around the holidays (including around Mother's day which can be very painful for folks who want/tried to have kids and can't). As someone who was a CNA in my early 20's I always got stuck working ALL the holidays and never got to enjoy them myself. I'd work doubles and go home exhausted and alone most of the time. On top of that, I couldn't make babies. I lost two in my second trimester and it wasn't until roughly 5 years ago that I had my miracle child with a lot of medical intervention to keep her in my womb as I neared my 40's. It always felt like a punishment that I felt alone in that seemingly was not understood.

God, I love your stuff. You're so thoughtful and also thoughtful. You're kind and you think about nuance. I learn so much from you. It's like your a mom to a bunch of us on the Internet too. ❤

I agree so so much. I have volunteered to work some holidays for some coworkers who had family in our area, mine were 1,300 miles away. When I had a family, we took turns on who got that day off. I have moved holidays for years

Oh my gosh, thank you so much for this 💜 I love & support all my parent friends, child rearing warriors and badasses. I appreciate it beyond measure of words when parents support those without children, too. I personally don’t mind taking shifts from folks with families. Corporate culture pits employees against one another, of course, because it benefits the existing power structure. Let’s not take the bait!!

First of all, thanks for saying "child-free" and not "child-less". For me, it's a choice. Still love kids though. 😅 Second, YESSSSS!!! I wish I could wear this video on a tshirt. Thank you... 🥰👊

Fantastic break down and thank you so much for standing for harmony and cooperation when corporations seem to be against it. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

I never expected or thought to expect that I was owed PTO over child free, when my kids were small. That is just crazy to me. Now that my kids are grown, I offer to parents of small ones to exchange shifts. Usually I have asked for Thanksgiving for Christmas. My coworkers were always grateful.

She is so right about this, I love the way she explains this and puts it in the best way possible. She is an absolute treasure!❤❤

Thank you!!!! As a mom of 3 assigned female at birth children, I have worked hard to help them see that people are whole as they, regardless of whatever choices they make in life. We have an apartment of 20 something women living 2 floors above us, many 20 something men and women at our church, and numerous young couples. I do not want their first questions to be about the other person’s relationship, if they have children, or when they will have children. I want them to grow up knowing that they are fully valued people without being attached to those decisions. As someone who married later, I had to endure so many of those same questions, as if I had somehow not begun living until I had “solved” that problem in my life. My desire for our kiddos is to grow into adults who know they are completely whole no matter what choices they make. I also stress that asking people about having babies is similar to asking them about the their sex life, which just isn’t appropriate in any situation. As such, we need to make space for each other at this time and work together as adults. My rights do not supersede another’s simply because I was able to spawn. I am not more valid or worthy. These are all the lessons I am continually working to instill for them…that we are all equally in need of being considered.

I really appreciate this video. It seems that there is very little respect for those who elect to remain child free.

Thank you! I love and watch your content even though I am 33 and childfree by choice. "You Chance youre mind" heard that so many Times..

I definitely don’t blame coworkers who have kids for the company’s tendency to side with them for requests off, but I do blame them for the times when I’ve been asked to trade shifts/time off and their justification for asking me that I don’t have kids. Tbh I never need to know why someone needs a trade, but if they tell me it’s cause I’m not a parent then I automatically say no.

There are some people who have kids who are so entitled though and just demand or expect the time off around holidays and make plans and book plane tickets etc even if they are told that they can't have it! I never got to have time off for Christmas/New Years even when I asked for that week off in January and made it known to everyone in my area that I have asked for the time off...there were more people with kids in my area and so by the time December came, they all made plans to go away and I would end up having to change my plans. It was incredibly selfish of them so it's not just management.

My husband’s been in a career that has taken him away from our family for years at a time. We’ve had birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays when he’s been home, months after they occurred. So, when his job doesn’t have him away, they are really good about giving everyone extra time off during December. As challenging as the profession is, as hard as it can be on our family, it’s a necessary profession and the sacrifice is worth it. We don’t expect the extra time together this month, but it certainly does help balance out all the time away. The best part is that everyone equally gets extra time off, regardless of familial situations. It wouldn’t be worth the extra time together if others didn’t get that time for themselves, too.

This is such a refreshing video. I have definitely worked in a place where my manager made me feel like if I had a child, I was gonna get a time off request approved, and I have to admit, I let him believe that. (Don't worry, as far as I'm aware, it wasn't at the expense of any of my coworkers, he was just being stingy.) I felt uncomfortable, and couldn't quite put my finger on why I did, but this is it. We shouldn't be pitted against each other in this way. It's similar to how he approved a time of request for myself and another person in my department at the same time, then scheduled me by mistake. I told him he could fix the problem himself. It's his job to make sure there's coverage, not the employees.

A few years ago due to child-free status I took 4 nights over Christmas on the ICU (2 lots of shifts). The shifts were 12 hours and I had no family in the city and noone at home . I went through Christmas completely alone and it was very depressing. I've worked plenty of Christmas times and usually the rostering is much better. Best one was a few years ago when 7 different shift patterns were worked out over Christmas and new year's and we could all choose our top 3. As it turned out each of us chose a different one and got our first choice! There are ways to do this.

In the UK, Christmas Day, Boxing Day (26th Dec), and New Year's Day are public holiday, so time off is less of an issue - particularly as if they fall in a weekend the public holiday is carried over to the next working day. That said, as a child-free person, I do resent that parents tend to have more flexibility to take time off (for medical appointments or school stuff etc). I don't mind so much as long as the parent is making up the time (unless they take it as holiday or unpaid leave). Otherwise, I am doing more hours for the same pay.

I'm childfree by choice and first of all thank you for this, Mommacusses! Second, this video explains why this channel is the perfect version of "the family channel". Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from Norway. You are awesome!

Yesssss. I haven't even watched it yet, but i love it when you post longer youtube content ❤

Love the video! I have and will refuse preferential treatment when I'm out with my son. I don't have the issue of working holidays, but I'm choosing not to go to my son's first performance, just go to the second one because I don't want to give (unpaid) cover to someone else. I had initially arranged a swap, but that person is now ill. Boss said they'll sort me out, I explained I didn't need it, I'd be there bright and early, because I could go the following day. I told my son, he's fine with just Daddy (but will screech at any minor annoyance that evening if no one turns up, I have been warned)

👏👏👏👏.....this was poetic....beautifully spoken....thank u 👍

Very insightful! Love your observations. We always celebrate Thanksgiving on Saturday. It’s less stressful, easier, and usually everyone can make it. Living proof it works. 😉

Gosh I love you, the professional world needs you! All of the world needs more of you! ❤❤

As a child free person ill work any holiday you want BUT i expect extra compensation either via more PTO later on (and not just the hours I'm working) or extra pay. Compensation can some from the coworker if they REALLY want that time off but if thats the case I need cash in hand before I take the shift.

I love your videos with this format. Really interesting video!

Well said. Child free by choice here, and many many times was I told I should pick up those shifts or heavily implied that that was my role in the workplace. Iess than, indeed.

Thank you for your prospective. I'm childfree by choice and I agree with everything you've said.

Yes! As a person who never plans on children, I have always been more than willing to take a holiday shift for someone with more family connections or dependents. It can suck in some circumstances, but the true fault is on the business. 💜💜

Two of my aunties didn’t have kids. My mom and other aunts did. My family was broke, and those aunts helped raise me and my cousins. One of my aunts lived with my mom when I was born, and had helped her through the rough pregnancy she had. My birth father wasn’t around (that’s a good thing). They helped make sure we got Christmas and birthday presents, helped pay for our clothes, took us places, babysat. For a while Aunt S, Aunt M, M’s husband and two children, and my grandmother all lived in a house together. My aunts remaining child free allowed them to support their nieces and nephews, and helped our family from sinking deeper into poverty. “You’ll change your mind “ has been said to me plenty of times. It’s belittling for one, but also concerning. It implies that I’m making the decision based solely on my whims and what I want for My Self. Like, yeah, that’s a factor. But it’s hardly the most important or determining factor in why I’m not having kids. I care enough about the hypothetical children to not make them.

I'm childless right now and was single until recently. The thing that gets me is that until this year, my entire family has been in different states than me. For me to spend time with family, I had to travel. It was kind of heartbreaking to not be able to be with family on holidays just because I couldn't travel home, and when I was alone, I was ALL ALONE. I didn't have a spouse or kids to come home and eat dinner with at least, if I couldn't get off for the holiday it was a very cold and dark day. I love kids, I want them, and I think parenting and kiddos are huge blessing and responsibility and childless people should understand that and help out as community should (It takes a village, individualism is ruining society, but I digress...) However, singleness and childlessness isn't all sunshine and roses either and family time is often one of our biggest struggles because we don't have anything built in or family to come home to in the evenings. It can be very lonely, and families should understand that.

Thank goodness I have a boss that is very good about encouraging all of us to take time off. And we are closed on Xmas. I don’t celebrate Xmas and wouldn’t mind working on it, but for the sake of the others, I’m glad we’re closed.

I tried to convince my family to forgo consumer entrapping holidays and instead embrace the joy and celebrate the receiving of our federal income tax refund check. Sadly, they did not appreciate my idea of a gift giving holiday. so now I spend that money on myself and whenever gift-giving holidays come around I dig into my white elephant stash of unwanted gifts and regift them.

This is a very very good opinion. I love your takes on things!!

My immediate family has mostly given up on the when are you going to have kids question. But I had a cousin ask her brother(they're from my dad's generation) when her nephew was going to marry his girlfriend and have kids, and my immediate and very vocal response was how is that any of her business. I always thought I would grow up to be a princess, and then I was informed there were no available monarchies for me to conquer with my cuteness, and never figured out a plan b. There is a cultural pressure towards getting married and settling down, and all that. And after 26 years I realized the reason I never visualized or dreamed about that fairy tale, especially with another person in it, is because I never wanted that ending. I love kids, I have a picture, well a couple pictures, one is of me and my baby cousin, not the one 12 years younger, not the one 15 years younger, no, the one 6 months younger then me. When I was barely walking, trying to tote this baby around with me, it is one of my favorite pictures of us. And the other is me with my baby doll, as I will call it, belonged to my great aunt, and the first time I saw this doll I walked in picked it up, sat in it's rocker and rocked it. There is a part of my brain that very much loves children, and that is not something I can make go away. However, I knew from a very young age that you can not raise a child by yourself, well you can, but to a great detriment, and I saw that detriment in my parents and I knew if I didn't find the right person to help me, I would never have kids. And I thought for a long time that that was what was missing from my fairy tale ending was just this other piece. But it's not, because loving kids, doesn't make you love people, and the fairytale I want, that I've in part always wanted, was always dancing around, was devoid of these things society told me I should have and want. So, yeah, it's complicated. But, I don't think I want children now, or in the foreseeable future. If Someone needs a weird ND aunt, I volunteer.

I'm in the opinion of first come first serve time off OR scheduled holidays like some first responders have. Firefighters have some kind of wonky hell schedule that says 1A,1B,1C,1D,1E,2A,2,B, etc to 3E and it's wild how it works. I know they get 24 on, 24 off, 24on, 48 off, 24 on 72 off, then back to 24/24. Anyway. I usually don't care about working christmas. But I absolutely REFUSE to work during new years. Not because I celebrate it, but because I want to relax into the new year. not work. so I always request 31-2nd off if it doesn't fall on one of my days off. but I'll work all the other holidays becuse I don't care and I usually get over time. and Over time is nice.

Is this why my husbands bosses are trying to get him to take time off for the holidays? Cos we have kids? We have two chronically ill kids. Time off is saved for emergency appts, hospitalizations, and when we get the call that were going in for transplants. We dont have the luxury of taking time off for leisure, let up shvts creek with no pay when something comes up

I work for a company that provides healthcare, so we always have someone on call for emergencies and also on holidays. In the past, at the beginning of each year, we would pass around a holiday list and everyone was required to sign up for a holiday and encouraged to sign up for a big family one if we hadn't worked one recently, such as Christmas or Thanksgiving. Because of lack of resources and home distances, we now have 2 people that primarily work the call shifts/holidays/weekends, because we all now work from home, and we have spread out. Make no mistake though, if one of them needs a break, I'll be making the hour drive to them for 1 of the 2 company cell phones that we have access to. And yes, 1 of those 2 humans has small children at home. It's never been an easy balance, but we all had to contribute to the weekend/ holidays/evenings, regardless of whether or not we have offspring. If others had a problem with it, they could leave, and some did.

I used to work in a bar for years that was open every day. We had a simple deal: christmas or new years eve, you can choose your time off. Parents usually chose christmas, we childless chose new years

You came so close to saying what needs saying... Organize and unionize! No compamy of significant size will ever view an employee as anything other than replaceable. Nobody has to work the holidays (excluding the emergency services and whatnot), it's that simple. No restaurants serving chistmas eve (or day) lunch, no last minute Christmas eve shopping, no grabbing your candy at 6pm on Halloween, etc etc. It's 100% inexcusable that people have to work any holiday if they don't want to.

Not even because of my parents' jobs (tho dad did work security and was the one on call a couple times, but I do mean once every five Christmases), but rather by virtue of being a blended family with three sides, I grew up with three different Christmas celebrations. My mother's first husband's family welcomed me (her ex-mil/gmil considered her the daughter/granddaughter they never had), on a second day we celebrated with my father's family, and then day of we'd go to my great grandma's to celebrate with my mother's family. So like. Not having one Christmas on the day of won't hurt the kids. You can definitely do something small day of and do the main celebration in the rough timeframe.