Jordan Peterson ~ Why Does Betrayal Hurt So Much? 

That's odd. For me it would be the opposite. I don't really believe anyone to be honest, what they say could be wrong or limited from their perspective and so it's inaccurate. I also don't believe in people because they have their own lives and their own priorities and I can't expect someone to be there when I need them. So I don't believe anyone or believe in anyone. But I don't like lies. For them to lie to me means that they're purposefully trying to deceive me. That's something that I find is almost heartbreaking. Heartbreaking that they find me untrustworthy with the truth or heartbreaking that someone I trust is trying to pull one over me. So for me that quote would be the opposite.

Forgiveness comes into play

@@bakersmileyface All you described, is what he said with extra steps

This is true. This happened to me. I was with a woman that I built up level trust over years. In the span of 6 months her demeanor changed and culminated in a type of betrayal. It wasn't what she chose to do, but the way she chose to do it. Now I have an antitrust of her. I expect the worst of her now, even if she won't. Because now I know what she is callously capable of. Even shev apologized, and I accepted it. Subcutaneously I can't truly trust her now.

@@Sasquatch-ff1pj Can't trust her? Send her to Gulag.

But it actually does - prior to you understanding the betrayal, you didn't realize they were your enemy.

@@dwightmagnuson4298 to what extend does a person's action be considered as BETRAYAL, well, all things considered.

Me: several deaths

It does, but pain is growth too. And life gets steadily easier as your wisdom increases and expectations become more accurate.

@@oliverhopkins8074 yeah problems seems easier as you know how life works.

You’re not alone

@@MfsUnitedAgainstMe I'm afraid when we learn to live we wont have time

@Z MO the betrayer shares his malevolence with the betrayed, like a virus. It's also a learning moment because there is always going to be sin (by ignorance, willful or not, or by deliberately evil acts) and the betrayed person is now fully awake to this fact, question is how do you deal with it.

I believe it also destroys the perpetrstor.

Llir kumi. Funny. It saved me from alimony.

@@phetmoz My god, that is so true..

Or does betrayal free the victim from false perception and lying snakes A type of awakening perhaps.

How long man. It's been 2 years and i still cry so much

I hate 🧬

Preach

@@CYPHER360_ You have to learn to let it go. Two years it too long. Who are you hurting for?

For only as long as you are willing to let it hurt you. Eventually you're only doing it to yourself. How long until you put it down, let that weight go from your soul and move on? "BUT THEY HURT ME!!!!!!" They did, now YOU are hurting YOU. They don't care. They're off doing whatever, you're the only one continuing to hurt yourself over a betrayal. So take the betrayal, hurt, and then move on from it. Don't immerse yourself in the bitterness and the hurt.

I think the best policy in life is to balance awareness/intuition with logic/memory. You need to get out ahead of problems using not only what didn't work for you in the past but also what seems unlikely based on whatyou see in the world/others. You gotta learn the skill of energetically predicting how youll react to people n things based on how you feel right now and also what is waiting tobe triggered in your SHADOW!

Don't punish yourself for someone else's bad behavior.

@@jeanlundi2141 l

It hurts to be manipulated, you question your intellect and judgment to unbelievable depths. I was betrayed, played like a fiddle, I’ve never felt so stupid and gullible in my life. I had to accept that I am naive, and easily manipulated, and knowing this I’ll know better in the future. I hope the woman who did this to me sees how doing what she did is wrong to do to men, and doesn’t hurt anyone else the way she hurt me, but that’s out of my control. I hope you’re doing well in life, god bless.

Agreed for me it's the opposite my intuition told me not to trust but my heart told me it's just in my head so I ended up trusting a horrific cheating narcissist spent the last year getting over it and mad at myself for not listening to my intuition the first time in the red flags I seen so I understand what you're saying

There's so much shit on the net, but your comment there sir is so insightful. I'm definitely borrowing that. Sums up my first marriage totally. Thankyou for your words.

😓😓

Its hard but you gotta let go, if you keep thinking how far it went you will eventually drive yourself crazy.

ouch

And at the same time you should ask yourself, how often you lied to that person, how often you have been nice just to please them or not hurt them, how often you disliked something they disliked and did not tell them, how often you have been mad at them and tried not to show it, or bored, or annoyed. Then ask yourself if you are really the person who they thought all this time you were, and how much you betrayed them and they have no idea when you started the betrayal game. Probably the moment you met them, so they would find you more attractive than you really are.

Logical fallacy . Generalisation . Your generally right . But not always . So what you said is like most memes . Pointless - it cheapens and disrespects the complexity of what your talking about . You won’t find a perfect human anywhere I could type a lot more but that’s sufficient

It happened to me my wife committed adultery she came back 9 mos. Later we went to church together always.5 years she left me again

​@lesdavis2318 yea id say the thought process of people like that will always betray again is usually correct. But there are alot of complex people in this world. And there some out there that are different im sure. I dont think ive met any, im just sure there out there lol

Yeah I think this is really really important. Thanks.

Haha don't say that, I can hardly trust myself anymore.. jk :D

Thank u. I jumped ahead after one minute

The aftermath of the betrayal is the most painful part.

I dunno about damaged my brain, but I sure feel like an idiot.

He makes me ask the question, because I'm in the same boat as you, of what's wrong with me that this keeps happening to me?

Blessings. I’m recovering so much too fo so long and it’s a head riddle.

Same as that 😔

@@nataliabenoit4653 For you and the original comment person. I just got betrayed on 22nd May, I forgave the person, but they couldn’t forgive themselves or allowed me to come close to support. I went into a severe depression attack combined with anxiety. My mind was hyperactive, I close my eyes I saw flash images and bullets of thoughts firing at a rate which was incomprehensible, so rapid. My friend studying psychology talked me out that night and saved me, else wouldn’t have been typing this. I knew where the partner went wrong, but wanted to see where I went wrong. To my surprise, I ignored a lot of things. My partner was an orphan at 10, very rough childhood, so she was very insecure and possessive and always wanted more and more of my time, which I couldn’t give due to my business commitments, plus it was a long distance. She used to regularly fight, and I tried to confront also and sometimes suppressed it also to make peace. I couldn’t understand that it was her Demand that I couldn’t have fulfilled anyway. Out of love I said I’ll change, but I couldn’t due to my busy lifestyle. Two months after I met her on her birthday, she slept with a co worker who was giving her attention and time. Numerous times I explained I’m doing work for OUR future, but she wanted instant gratification and wasn’t ready to sacrificed present for future. But that’s what work life is, sacrificing today for future, Dr. Peterson also said it in one of his videos. So in totality, I couldn’t correlate her childhood traumas to her adulthood behaviour, didn’t pay attention to cues, whatever few of them there were, and she couldn’t keep her cool. She was a divorcee, who got cheated by her husband when I met her. I could’ve never imagined, and she couldn’t understand it herself, that how can a betrayed person become a betrayer to another person. But then, it happened right in front me. Does it make me never trust women again? For the night I broke down, hell yes. But NO. It takes courage to forgive, even more courage to forgive the person, when they don’t know they’re forgiven, and even more courage to trust and love someone again. The lesson was, DO NOT IGNORE THE MINUTE DETAILS AND DATA. We get into a relation by knowing only 10% of the person, the good side, assuming it to be 100%. Everyone has MONSTERS. So do you and I. We need to know more about our partners, be more self aware about ourselves, know the demands of both the sides, and then make rules for a relationship where two people can coexist with love as binding force. That’s what I’m gonna do. Plan and Improvise.

Well and carefully said

@@melissabodily3675 Oh yes, yes that too. Absolutely!

Usually

Am still traumatised from it

@@chrisgould101 I am too. The amount of individuals saying "It gets better blah blah blah" don't realise some of us don't ever get over it. I have no idea how to deal with it.

That is definitely true. My spirit is broken and won't ever be the same. Tomorrow I will close a chapter to what I thought would be my life's story.

@@michellembray Will pray a decade of the Holy Rosary for you. God bless.

I think a lot of people become masochists from early exposure of betrayal. It hardwires in their brain and they relive that humiliation and shame they felt from betrayal, say abuse, bullying, not fitting in, etc

The pain lives within somehow doesn’t it. I have experienced betrayal too.

@@Yogis406 It's a nightmare for a husband that has loved his wife. The mother of his children. I'm still in shock.

@@PJHEATERMAN shock does not last 20 years.

@@Yogis406 Wife chose to shut the whole affair out. No disclosure/transparency or counseling. I raised my young daughters within a flawed marriage. My kids turned out great. My view of my wife and my marriage were forever altered. My wife even realized her approach to her infidelity and how to heal was wrong. PTSD lasts decades. Maybe shock is the wrong word to describe pain 20 years later. I still feel the pain of it all.

​@@PJHEATERMAN I just found out my ex partner cheated on me in 2019 and that the kid I've been raising is not my son. It's been 1 month and I'm doing alot better. But I still have my days 😢

When I realized I had been betrayed I then split into two different people. I don’t really have words or know how to describe it.

@@Taran532 For me it has been a long time ago (20+ years) but I get what you mean. After I was betrayed I went nuts for a couple of years, couldn't believe anyone, became very cynical and more. I hurt some people as well (not physically but in some situations I was a total asshole). But after a couple of years I was okay again. Now usually people like me. So for anyone reading this; there is light on the end of the tunnel. Even if the tunnel is bend.

@@CheetahNL For me, it lasted 23 years before I was able to come to grips with all that occured. I was never able to understand my reactions, feelings, and actions until I started listening to Dr. Peterson. He puts it so succinctly.

Oh my, a fellow Cluster B? I'm in the narcissism territory of things and I completely get the feeling of betrayal. It makes me feel like I've been shot and the life has been sucked out of me. Been ages and ages, and I don't remember the last of what I would call "betrayal", but there is zero trust for anyone, and especially those who know me best. Control of any situation is accordingly paramount. It's exhausting, and it started out as a means of survival, but it's snowballed in a complete PD. So yeah, here's to avoidance. 🍻

I know exactly how that feels. A man tried to take advantage of me sexually when I opened up about my weaknesses….. serious advantage of me, the kind that makes you pull a gun on someone. I’ve been split in two, it’s always on the back of my mind. Got so bad I started having violent dreams and would wake up in fight or flight. I’m so sorry you guys know this pain! It’s unbearable

Onur Böle wow.... I also just exited a 7 year relationship with someone who cannot accept their own faults and self love.... I’m amazed at how in this one comment I feel like I can completely feel and connect with you and what you’re going through. Thank you.

maybe the other man was simply better in bed..? ;o)

M Cassis nice! Real productive.

@@brandonolson6299 i hope so. XD

@@mcassis650 You might be watching too much porn involving cheating stories, but a woman hardly ever cheats because this new man is better in bed. Men do it for a change and to still feel desired by other women, women usually do it when their emotional bond weakens. In my ex's case, this guy lived in another country. They talked online for 4 months and met once, there was no way she could know how good he was in bed. The reason she kept talking to him in the first place was that he lived so far away and she thought she'd never see him, that talking to him for a while would fill this emotional void which she thought was temporary. She felt powerful, because this guy was an asocial idiot who kind of saw her as his mentor. She was initially amused, she was curious how such a backward thinking, reckless primate could ever survive. Then she grew compassionate. We had no problem in bed, I would say it is one of the things in our relationship that I believe she'll probably never find a better replacement for.

Thank you, I needed to hear that :)

Forgive, walk away and trust. Was you really betrayed? It sounds more like politically correct phrases to me tbh.

Same here, unfortunately no contact is best

An ageing mother has women in her sights, I know very well

Did she try to make amends? Take your power back, give yourself the love and respect you expected from her. Try to forgive x

Private no she didn’t she protected the abuser out of fear. I know she knew the truth though she admitted it to me.

I am so sorry My sister did the same thing to me and I am devastated

Hope you are ok. It gets better.

Its the worst kind of betrayal- betrayal by the established system. The system that's supposed to be there to protect you and your rights. Thats how i feel with the judicial system. Its so mechanical, so dehumanising and ultimately the rich get the best results and for everyone else it becomes a long and arduous slog to get any result at all, and not necessarily a favourable one. And beyond that, obviously, is there are certain individuals within the system that are - for all intents and purposes- above the law. I never found that "fair", rather it undermines the entire establishment and makes me feel alienated from it altogether. If some people are allowed to get away with driving offences, petty theft or fraud, how come we need to spend so much money keeping the other ones that did it locked up for years? If only there was a way to quickly and accurately determine if you could trust someone... 🤔

Dogs are the best therapy for those of us who are survivors of narcissistic abuse.

Are you okay now?

@@SubhayyaAS hey:) yes I’m learning to heal. Some days are worse than others since I’m still dependent on my family to some degree so it’s a constant reminder. How are you doing?

Glad to know that you are trying your best. Its the same with me too, one day i am kind of okay and the next day.. Like a real rollercoaster ride. Its been 6months and trying hard to stay healthy..

@@SubhayyaAS i won’t say it gets easier bc the pain will always hurt but you’ll learn to live without it ruining most ur days. We’re all trying our best and know ur not alone:)

The only option you have s to force yourself to move on. If he comes back, it's just because he wants more of your time and energy. DO NOT let him back in. I am so sorry for what you are going through

@@xw7239 thank you. I am trying to breathe. today is day 72.

@@RealTalk-mq2ug May I humbly suggest you stop keeping track of the days that you havent heard from him? Each new morning without a call or a text from him is going ro feel like a fresh stab wound to the heart. Numbering the days will contribute to rumination and intensify the pain. May I suggest instead you start a new count, but instead it is of the days you have decided to move on. Day 1 of chosing yourself over him is ground zero. This new count will be more hopeful because instead of looking back at it thinking " wow, I've been in excrutiating pain for 72 days" you can look back and realize how many days you chose to honor yourself instead of his busted stankin memory.

@@RealTalk-mq2ug praying your pain softens and his memory becomes blurred 🙏🏻 may you find yourself again. Blessings to you

@@dontplaywithgod2064 this is so helpful! AND IT MADE ME LAUGH SO DAMN HARD!! HUUUGE smile on my face! thank you. made my night!

You may have made the same mistakes I did. My husband hardly ever met me half way. If he wanted to do something he did it no matter if it meant he caused chaos by doing so. I wanted him to be happy and in the beginning sacrificed many things for about 10 years. Then when my daughter was a month old he wanted to get "clean" and confessed many of the affairs he had with women I knew. It was difficult but I got through it. But it became clear as time went on that we had different ideas on what was important in a marriage. I filed for divorce finally after 25 years. He moved out and rented a place with a close friend of mine who I thought lived in another state. She had gotten divorced 3 years previously and moved here and they had been seeing each other. I could not get over it. She made life miserable for myself and two kids. Now I am a grandmother and still have to be around them. I refuse to be around them and have told my daughter it is like being raped and everyone keeps pretending it didn't happen. She wants everything to be like a normal family. He owes me a lot of money and it has impacted my life greatly that he has not given it to me even though I know he has it. I am not expecting anyone to change. It helped me to realize that people have a certain set of filters that they see the world through. I should have never married my ex-husband. The clues were there from the beginning and I kept thinking it was alright ;he loved me...not the way I wanted to be loved. Our breakup was 20 years ago and it looks like I probably will not get remarried.

You're not a weirdo. You have standards /boundaries that you live up to, and live by... Nothing wrong in that however, it's your standards YOU live by and unfortunately we do expect others to have the same values/principles / morals etc BUT they don't... So we get very disappointed. I've also learnt the harsh lessons. If someone lies (even stupid white lies), thats the end of that connection with this person... I am making my life as simple as can be.... Life is so hard and complicated just by figuring out what is best for yourself that it's so insane to allow choas, drama in your life because of certain individuals. No thanks, I'm done because time and time again shows me it's NEVER worth it, ie "to ignore the first signs of betrayal". There's a verse in the Bible that says "... For give 70 x 70 times.." and only now after so many years of life do I understand what this means. Forgiveness isn't about telling that person who did you wrong that you're still "budy budy" with them after they have violated your trust, NO... that's not forgiveness (that's stupidity). Forgiveness is not taking revenge (opposite of forgiveness is getting even, retribution, revenge). So you do not take revenge, you give yourself that break (get out of that war very quickly), you "let it go". There are many methods to help you recover from betrayal the healthy victorious way. Forgiveness is about YOU... doing yourself that good that others did not. Then leave that idiot who betrayed you alone, cut ties with these haters and evil mongers for good - move on and simplify your life... Keep doing that 70 x 70 for yourself (4,900 times for yourself..You'll become a pro at it) Keep up the good work in keeping your boundaries, principles, values. Love how you are, what you are. There is really alot of love in this world without intentionally, deliberately forcing a bad situation/ bad people to "become" a good ones.

Ana Viana What are some healthy victorious ways to recover from betrayal that worked for you? I’ve always journaled and spoken to loved ones...prayed and exercised. It still hurts though even though it’s been 4 months.it feels like yesterday. How do we integrate the pain in a healthy way?

Same bro

Same, I'm hurting so much right now

Yes. This life is cruel. I hope to love again too.

Dig deep find what makes you love you first step.. smile make people smile with your love for life x

Same story here, hard to get over it. Best of luck👍

Yeah something along that vein of concept. The difficult part is making that a conscious awareness which obviously hurts just as much and I think it's because it takes a tremendous amount of responsibility.

@@j_stach yeah that's one way to put it. But those who want an actual reason *why* may not be satisfied with simply *It be like dat.* My answer is somewhat more terse than that of Prof. Peterson. But he's a psychologist. I'm not.

@@BrotherTree1 in my opinion it really isn't difficult to grasp the idea life has pain. It's simply a fact. But when we're experiencing pain the emo side of our consciousness will ask *WHY.* The antidote to ignorance is knowledge. The answer to the question *why* is a journey looking for rational answers. It's difficult because much of life seems irrational. And the temptation is to assume there is nothing rational worth looking for. If one decides not to take a journey . . . then it's obvious one will not arrive at the destination.

@@piehound I'm glad that you understand that for yourself and I understand what you're saying because I've understood this over time. It's a gradual process where people progress at various rates and we can see this through people's lives. If it weren't difficult, then everyone would be doing it no problems at all. Plus it's sometimes the added flavour of difficulty is what attracts constant curiosity for further exploration and consultation/self-consultation. However it's also possible that not all minds are capable depending on the deep seatedness of a given pathology (now we're not blaming the pathology, we're seeing the extent of damage and the amount of physical and metaphysical resources we have for such solutions to problems). In my case, there were many points where I don't think I could have "made it" so no... it can be difficult, and more so for some as everyone's life situation is different. We have to picture what it's like in other people's shoes, that's called compassion - now of course it doesn't mean give yourself away entirely... but it doesn't mean stay 100% on your street either. Its a blend of swimming in between the two borders, so to speak, when helping both yourself and aiding/guiding another to help themselves. Regardless of whether or not it's a fact, this doesn't necessarily yield a course of difficulty to a single direction... at least not straight away. But once you know it, regardless of long it took or how difficult it was, of course it's easier and not difficult when we arrive at the level of understanding and applying it successfully into our day to day lives. However, we cannot assume the same for those that "aren't at that place yet" and thus can't always assume that it's easy or not difficult for everyone. They're just in different metaphysical places. Of course, this too is my opinion.

We don't trust people because we want to. We trust people because that's a necessary evil of having human interactions and relationships. Or at the very least we indirectly want to trust.

What I’m doing and I don’t think I’m missing out on too much 🥳 haha 🥰

I think the extreme feminist groups have exacerbated the rape problem in the military with the idea a whole hearted attempt to total equality as far as the sexes to the military and I don't understand their logic but mixing the sexes and remote hostile stressful areas where these women are the minority in a organization and a atmosphere that runs on testosterone to defend this country fabulous have Force the Pentagon to put these women in the crosshairs... I mean look at the women powws in the Iraq war that were raped and brutalized by insurgents I don't know why any woman would want to join the Frontline unit but I will agree anyone convicted of rape in the military should never get out of prison and I'll take a step morer they should meet a fire squad

Through which means can I connect to u

But apparently Your perception And intuition Are only your model of the world Not reality

@@PetekDemircioglu-ci1lh Clearly, you have never been a mother, Pete. My life would be a lot more peaceful if I could manage to not care, but I don’t have it in me to do that….

@Psychonautand you're a worm who lurks in Jordan Peterson videos to say negative things about him

@Psychonaut and you're the CEO of Amazon? Grow up

@Psychonaut congratulations! I'm a neurosurgeon but it's nice to see that we're both not above being immature

Learn from your mistakes. No one is perfect. Forgive yourself but strive to make yourself s better person

Why do you want your friend's forgiveness... What's your motive, agenda behind this? Looking at things from the victims side, I believe the trap you set for others/your victims is inevitably thd trap you have also set for yourself / the betrayer. But here's the thing... People hurting others and themselves make for such a horrible world. Can all of us just stop all this pain and suffering we create because its made this world a worse place. It's just common sense.

Have a meeting face to face. Clearly say you are sorry and is there anything you can do to heal them. If they forgive... Congratulations. If not... Then don't repeat that mistake and help younger ones to not make that mistake by telling them your story.

If they don't even want to see you then contact them through voice message. If you are blocked, then tell someone trustworthy to send your sorry.

Learn from your mistake and never do it again. I can tell you he will never want you back in his life but your not destined to lose every friend again if you learn.

Brando Miranda You don’t.

Love yourself.... Give yourself what they didn't / couldn't

@Natural Man for sure✊🏾

kill freaking traitor

move on

Probably because they had dysfunctional families or came from broken homes?

I’m not a cheater. But I have been betrayed many times. I’ve so far in my life never met a non cheater outside my own family-literally officially know 3 men I can think of who haven’t cheated~ one of them is Ben Shapiro.

I have however; been accused of cheating. Painfully so. Many times. When there is nothing I would like more than an honest man who won’t betray me. I haven’t met him yet-

This is where you have to possess a level of introspection. You're unwittingly playing a role, as there is a continuous pattern. It is much easier to blame those with questionable morality, but it is hurting you in the long-run. There is a point where you have to reflect on why you seem to attract toxic people or over-look the red flags. Believe me, there are red flags, but some of us (myself included) give people chances they don't deserve, not trusting our instincts. It usually ties in with childhood trauma..usually the mother. My hunch is that you have a savior complex (captain-save-a-ho) and broken needy women will seek you out like a moth to a flame. I'm divorcing a malignant narcissist (they always change the term...hes toxic) and our lives parallel (as they always do) and make for the perfect storm. I am in no way making fun, I am hoping I can help. I would suggest therapy, if you can find a good one...those are hard to come by, believe me. I persoanlly, have issues with trusting myself and that is what narcissists and betrayal do to someone. In the end, it boils down to me moving foward. Even my friendships are toxic and while I can blame them, it is me that attracts them. I had a lot of tests ran in terms of disabilities and personality and the psychologist informed me that I am very "virtuous", for which I replied "I know and it ties in nicely with my husbands Madonna-whore complex". It is a bitter pill to swallow, to the point of almost resenting myself... virtuous people are extremely rare. Broken people are attracted to what they cannot attain themselves, like a beacon... There is a huge level of temperance and with that, my standards are very high, strangely enough. It has nothing to do with judgement of others and everything to do iwith nternalized morals and ethics. I have always known my "shadow self" that Peterson speaks of, but it wasn't until the betrayals that brought the humility that comes with it. My psychologist looked at me and realized it was the introspection through child abuse, that got me here. It is an iscolating existence that I have been scoffed at for....that's how narcissistic this world has become.

@@LareesieAlice God you just described me..thank you for that, I needed to read something like this, I'm going through some tough times and I need to stop attacting problematic people to my life.

thats one sad story i hope u recovery buddy

@UCEWlVwpgi36a6swQMU_MHLg weirdo

The answer is In the video. Because your oversimplified preconceptions of the world is violated and you might need to change your viewpoint of where you are.

Yeah. Nah

@@jasonwilson2927 lmao take a look at how you write