Mormon Women Turn Up the Heat on Church Leaders! [Radio Free Mormon 342] 

Like a brainwashed automaton, I married and quit college at age 19. I had eight kids over the next sixteen years, along with accompanying medical issues. My TBM husband pushed hard for more and I was judged unrighteous for deciding to be done. I love my kids, but I hated being a SAHM. My husband traveled constantly for work, but even when he was home he didn't lift a finger. I was so unhappy and that wasn't fair to anyone. I finally gave myself permission to think logically and critically and found my way out of the church at age 43. I finished the engineering degree I had started 25 years earlier and I finally feel like myself again. I'm naturally ambitious and driven. I love working hard and building things. Nurturing is incredibly difficult. I feel like I sacrificed my life for a lie. I won't ever have the career I could have had. Motherhood doesn't feel natural or rewarding to NUMEROUS women and that doesn't mean they are broken.

Such a sore topic for me. I grew up LDS and all I ever wanted was to be a wife, mother and homemaker. I didn't want a career. I got married at 20 and tried for 10 years to be that stay at home mom having one child after another. Living with my in-laws for the first 6 years of our marriage because my husband couldn't support us. Not that he was unable to, but that he was lazy and didn't want to work. Finally we moved out at my insistence and even then he couldn't keep a job and wanted to move back in with his parents. Finally I gave up, went back to school and got a degree as an RN. I then supported the family until our kids were grown and then I left him. The whole time I was criticized for having a career and he would tell me what a bad wife and mother I was, as would other at church. I was told I needed to understand him more, that he really wanted to work, but it was just difficult for him to find a job... and apparently keep a job. The church was completely behind him and critical of me, even to the point that he convinced the bishop to take away my temple recommend. When I left him I was criticized by people at church for leaving him, yet my children who lived through it all supported me and wondered why I stayed with him as long as I did. Again, I reiterate, I didn't want a career, but I was forced into it and then criticized and penalized for it. And now to hear it all coming back again? I say, young women beware! This is not sound advice. Get an education, prepare yourself. You never know if that man you marry will go on to support you or if you'll have to support yourself and possibly even him and your children. That is the advice they need to hear. These are the kinds of stories they need to hear!

My wife and I married in ‘76. We followed the Kimball/Benson script and experienced unnecessary hardship. As a man, I’m still mad as hell about it. Following horse-and-buggy “prophetic” counsel was a huge mistake, one that can never be fully rectified.

I won't tell you how pissed this makes me feel as the mother of 7 who did graduate from the University but basically gave up a lot to do what the church pressured me to do. I was obedient. Sister Johnson had 3 children by the way. I love my children, don't get me wrong, but they are all grown and with careers in different states and countries. At 62 years old I know internally that I missed out on a lot by staying home to nurture and raise 7 children. I recently had a conversation with a woman who moved out of our ward to pursue her PhD degree in Pediatric nursing. Our Bishop told her she needed to quit her job and stay home with her kids that she would never be successful and her kids grounded. Big mistake. They are all doing great and she has a PhD. Our other ward member and neighbor listened to the Bishop and quit her job. Her husband could not keep them above ground and she eventually lost her home in our hood. So so sad.

I got married at 18 and had 5 chidren. My husband decided he did what to be married. I was left to support my kids with no help from him. I taught my kids to get their education first .

What are we 40? 50? Years later. And this is where we are? Unbelievable

Don’t forget she had a full time Nanny….really tough work

It’s amazing how more and more church leaders, male and female are LAWYERS!!! It proves the church is a corporation, not anything else. Thank you RFM! Everything you cover on this site is so revealing!

We need a new hymn titled Follow Your Heart and not the Prophet!

Russell Nelson: “Who’s gonna stay home and make fresh donuts for us Priesthood holders?”

I HAD to go to work! I wanted to stay home and rear my children and be a devoted wife. I so hated working with narcissistic psychopaths at Motorola! The stress and the chemicals caused me physical issues as soon as I started working there…..which led to me having a hysterectomy! They may as well have cut my heart out! I WANTED MORE CHILDREN! Oh well! And all the while, I had to keep hearing the stupid church ‘leaders’ say; “ No amount of success outside the home, can compensate for failure in the home”. Asses! I WANTED so badly to BE AT HOME! Living through this life has stripped the gears in my mind! We have ONE life…..don’t let your most important decisions in your life, be ruled by others outside your home!

thank you brother, great job.

And who did the brethren call (it’s never God who calls) to be a women’s leader? A woman who was obdedient to them and has no career, or a woman who thumbed her nose at them and has a career? That is a slap in the face to all the obedient women, and it shows what the brethren think of the women who obeyed them-“they’re just housewives, but she, she’s accomplished. She has a career as an attorney.”

Rebecca Biblioteca had a great idea. The church could support working mothers by opening free daycare centers in each ward house, and pay LDS women to run them Monday through Friday. After all they have $250,000,000,000 to pay for such a project. What better way to support young LDS families.

I was stupid and listened to these men as I grew up. I took 'just get by' jobs while I waited for 'Mr Right' to 'find' me. After all, I didn't want to be left out of heaven. I wish I had ignored all the bs and went for a career. Telling women to stay home and cater to the men really only benefit the men as they take credit for a good homelife and good kids. Women do it all! These men (and some women) want to keep women 'in their place' to serve them in the home. Shaming and villanizing women who work out of the home is taking away their free agency to choose. (Wait, the church leaders are already taking free agency away, but most members see it not.) How about shaming and withholding temple recommends from the men who won't support their families? That won't happen because in their eyes, they can do what they want as they have the PH and women are to serve them.

Wikipedia said she worked for 30 years as a corporate lawyer. She was a lawyer litigating issues for Fair Labor Standards Act..... hmmmmm I wonder what she thinks of people working in Sweat shops to make the temple garments. I hope they are paid fair wages and have appropriate work standards. She got her Bachelors in 1985 and Juris PhD in 1989. Benson gave his talk win 1987. She worked 30 years then was a Mission Wife from 2016-2019. She was the General Primary President from April 2021 to August 2022 and then on to the General Relief Society President. So please explain to me exactly when she listened to the Prophet? Complete wrong person to give this message. I am exactly 2 years older than her and why was it we heard completely different messages from the prophet?

The church is constantly sending mixed messages on anything controversial like gay rights, women’s rights, etc. That way they can’t be held responsible for their “policies”. This leads to bishop roulette with some wards being more progressive than others. But if a bishop goes too far ,like letting women sit on the stand, he will be slapped down.

Great topic!!

Thank you for keeping us informed RFM.

I feel the same about all the general authorities and other church leaders such as the new BYU president, who has three kids, who have just a few kids. Other than President Nelson, I don’t know of any of the 12 who have super big families. We already had two kids when Oaks gave a conference talk encouraging more children. As believers, we felt obliged to have more children. We had 13 pregnancies, 11 children. All this while paying tithing, holding callings such as relief society president and bishopric and very little time as a couple. We made decent money but raising large families is expensive and consumes money, time and health. We love our children and grandchildren. No longer TBM, I feel so cheated and used of the opportunities and hopes we sacrificed as a a couple to be obedient and faithful members.

I was told by my X multiple times I wasn’t smart enough for college… and it was implied so often by the church that we women don’t need to be highly educated or have a career I thought I was stuck. But when I fasted and prayed for me and my happiness I got confirmation that I should attend college. I did not know how I would do it because I had to work full-time but I persisted and I ended up obtaining my PhD-Which I did while I worked full-time combined with raising 5 kids! Eventually I held a global research leadership position with zero help from or even encouragement from the church! I know that I was Looked down upon because of my working outside the home. If I had not pursued my education me and my 5 children would have suffered- on welfare, and probably rushed to marriage but because I was financially secure on my own I was able to be single for 6 years, find my soul mate and raise my kids without any aid-all the while as my abusive X maintained a good standing in the church and was first counselor in the bishopric yet not once paid child support. My PHD provided everything we needed.

RFM would remember Wayne Newton singing “such are the dreams of the everyday housewife, who gave up the good life for me.”

My comments are similar to those already expressed . I was told by my bishop to stop training as a nurse to stay home with my child ( single mum) . What bad advice . I’ve felt unfulfilled all my life even though I have 10 kids . They are grown up and following their own paths . I’m still relatively young but now struggling to find relevance and purpose without qualifications

Has the ever been a talk on prioritizing fatherhood? Come home from basketball playing, come home from helping in someone else home, and come home from meetings, meetings, & more meetings.

Thanks!

RFM thanks!

Thank you rfm. I did my own tictoc discussing my own lived experience following this guidance. My wife gave up her dreams and I expected it as well. The church hypocrisy is blatant. My lesson is follow the prophet only if it works for your life. Ignore the prophets till they agree with your revelation

Sherri Dew and Wendi Nelson worked outside the home and NEVER had kids.

I remember when ETB made that speech. It did send shockwaves because before that, it was generally accepted that it was ok for women to work outside the home if it was due to financial necessity. I was so encouraged to focus my energy and attention on getting married instead of having a career, that I did just that. I got married at 20. Although, I did finish college (thankfully), I had no real plans for a career. I had a successful career by the time I met my second husband and had children, but we depend on my income. There's no way we could survive on just my husband's income, even if I wanted to. At the end of the day, the "prophet's guidance" was bad advice at best. In my opinion, it was calculated propaganda met to keep women subservient, financially dependent, and keep the Mormon baby factories running at full capacity. Despicable!

Great message, RFM. Thanks for the 'relatively short' podcast.

Complete hypocritical hypocrisy. She had a nanny. So misleading.

Please note the Linda Hamilton quoted in the article is daughter in law to high ranking Seventy Kevin Hamilton.

I wonder which of the Chosen she is relates to...

When you think that a man speaks for God to you then you have given that man too much power. Even though I am not a woman I made many life decisions based on these men that I regret now. It is always strange when church leaders celebrate a member for a successful talent or career that they obtained by NOT following the brethren.

I wrote in a 3rd grade journal that i wanted to be housewife when I grew up. What 3rd grader even knows the implications of that or what it even means? Nope, I was brainwashed. 8 year olds don't say they want to grow up and be housewives unless they're brainwashed.

Different rules for different folks In this toxic religious system All the people at the top make up thier own rules and then telling others what to do . Things definately need to change .

This kind of thing makes me want to leave the church again, but that would mean being in the church again. SMH.

Wow crazy, glad these people had somewhere to say that. I shouldn’t be surprised that a Temple recommend was withheld because a women decided to work. But I am😮😮😮😮

The lesson is-stay at home-unless you can go to an ivy league school and make lots of money and have a nanny take care of your kids. Remember Jesus is all about success and money

Catholics and Muslims agree. More babies mean mire future members.l

I can’t stand these people!! Corporate lawyers and a judge cheering each other on?? Let’s hear what their kids have to say. What a crock of you know what!!!

There is a female uprising and the brethren are not ready for it, so they are floundering. Badly.

Corporate lawyer and family was her first priority REALLY 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Not MONEY???????

Except lawyers. The church needs lawyers.

Only 14 minutes? Come on, teaser!

Ezra Taft Benson all over again. This is an orientation?

Are they trying to label “motherhood” as an orientation? I’ve never heard the word orientation used for this.

This whole dilemma has its roots in the industrial revolution Before that families were all at home, usually on a farm. There were also cottage industries producing goods, where there was no need for outside daycare. Grandparents were able to lend a hand to the young parents in doing chores and childcare. The families has each other to rely on, With the industrial revolution all that changed. Nowadays everyone in the family leaves for different activities each morning. The women are often in a conundrum as whether to be a stay at home mom or be employed. Being a stay at home mom is not only very isolating, but a recipe for poverty. If she chooses employment she is essentially doing double duty, and may end up exhausted and possibly ill. So either choice can be detrimental in different ways. Working part time seems to be the best solution, as she has some adult interaction, a paycheck, and improved self esteem, without going all out for a 40 hour week, The children have her in their lives more, as well.

Wtf do they know the cost of living along the Wasatch front these days???? There is no choice to stay at home even if awoman wanted to

After living off a lifetime of duel high-end income, Camille disingenuously claims that she doesn't have financial security. She is completely tone deaf to the realities of the masses.

Camille reminds me of Nancy Pelosi.

L.D.S. Inc.sees fewer future tithe payers being born.

Most of us latterday saint women have jobs outside the home we are not told not to

Also to the brethren watching this.. you can marry a progressive boss babe, but when she gets herself in debt for a job that’s impossible to pay that debt back, or she’s not able to get the career she wants because *Patriarchy* DO NOT pay her debts. Get a prenup and if she later down the road wants to cut her hours or become a stay at home mom because she’s tired, she’s stressed and is thinking of the kids etc, remind her that’s her internalized misogyny speaking and to make sure she has her own debts paid off before doing so since she don’t need no man

Please keep highlighting the gaslighting. For those who have been in the church for a long time, we KNOW, we have the books, talks, memories and tarnished lives due to the unambiguous teachings of the past.

Re: RFM’s new cartoon likeness. Accurately depicts his true-to-life unhinged persona. Inaccurately portrayal of a physique he only wishes he had.

It must be tough to come up with content. Nemo had something up about this subject up today, which brings up a question in my mind: Are you and Nemo collaborating to try and manufacture controversy? I mean first steeple height of temples, and now a scintllating piece about the fact that The Church Of Jesus Christ if Latter Day Saints has evolved on women’s issues the last forty years. Wowy wowsers do I belong to an evil organization! Ma testimony’s on the brink now!