My Family Won’t Accept Me and My Husband (What Can I Do?) 

I want to hear the dad's side of the story. If someone puts you in the hospital, that's a game over for me

Her husband was so violent that he broke her arm and she was hospitalised and now he is all wonderful and sweet? A little hard to believe .

Caller...you made a choice to marry an abuser. Your parents, your aunt and your extended family are not required to accept your choices. They are not required to extinguish their boundaries to appease you. If they didn't care about you, they wouldn't care that he put you in the hospital. He needs to prove himself and that will take time...a good long time.

Abuse is a deal-breaker, IMO, whether the partner was on drugs, or clean and sober. I'm afraid this young woman's husband is at risk of lapsing back into his addiction and violence. Marrying him was a huge blunder. I hope her father keeps the lines of communication open with her and she with him, as she may need help sooner, rather than later.

Am I the only one that feels weird about him blaming the dad for her drug use? Sometimes you can be a great parent but your kid is just gonna do what they want to.

Her husband must be glad this is happening. Now he can do what he wants and not have to deal with her family. He won. That’s what abusers do. Isolation.

I’m so confused. OF COURSE the aunt is not gonna let the violent man around her CHILDREN, or the idiot who decided to get back with him. What is the disconnect in her brain? I’m really surprised at John’s answer based on how often he goes off about safety. Someone physically hurts my child once, and they will never be welcome around my family again, and if my kid chooses to side with them, that’s sad but I’m not gonna participate!

Imma have to say that I was in my earliest 20’s my ex husband for 8 yrs was physically and emotionally abusive. let me say that my family what they had to do is stay away from my relationship because it was the only thing they could do. Cuz they couldn’t do anything, and I had two kids with him. The home he created was dark and unsafe place. Finally left, litterally across the country. my family said thank god you left, & we’re sorry we couldn’t do anything. I said, i know y’all did the best. Sweet girl hope you’re doing okay!

Once your daughter comes home with a broken arm basically violently attacked by her Boyfriend I really hope YOU as a mother dont convinced her to stay with her boyfriend because “ people change”. I don’t blame parents . Good for them! I’m a firm believer once a cheater always a cheater / once a beater always a beater !

If one of my daughters did what she has done, I don't know how I could cope as a parent. I don't know what mistakes they made when she was little, but she's an adult now and is making all the wrong calls.

If I were a father, I’d be the same way with my daughter. The drugs, alcohol, boyfriend’s physical abuse, etc. I wouldn’t approve either. And maybe better communication early on could’ve made things better

This makes me think about parents whose children have been killed by their partner or spouse who may have seemed like a “good guy or girl” at first only to see the signs way too late. The fact that this guy already showed that he is capable of hurting her, even if he hasn’t done it since she has to understand there is going to be apprehension from her family she can’t make them like him.

Even if Kay is sober currently, she’s not in recovery. It’s clear from her language she’s not working the steps. She’s taking zero accountability and it’s clear she’s telling half the story so that she sounds like a victim. She has brought sheer chaos into her family with her drug use and refusing to disengage from this abusive relationship.

It may be seriously painful for them to watch their loved one choose to be with someone that hurt her that severely. So they choose behaviour that pushes the loved one away. They probably realise the stress of living with Kay and her husband's relationship for the rest ..of... life. ..Being close to them and being on edge every time the hear Kay adn huzzy arguing. .....etc. This situation is seriously unfortunate. ....And hopefully the entire family heals. ..That pops and everyone comes to JESUS and prays and go to good counselling.

Kay, I think he's too high of a risk for your family, from your family's perspective. Hope time will heal things ❤️

This may be an unpopular opinion, but it’s absolutely your aunt’s prerogative not to want a relationship with you again. I’d be grateful my dad even wanted to rebuild a relationship with me.

I hope she doesn't bring a child into the world where the father brokr her arm that would be extremely irresponsible

We went through this with my sister and she called my mom in the middle of the night for help. My mom, my ex husband and I went to help. Why we didn't call the police idk. This was like 27 years ago. He ended up throwing my mom to the ground by her hair and when I stepped in because no one touches my mom it didn't end well. Charges on me and my mom for attempted b&e and me for mdpp for throwing a hubcap through her window. Yeah, she told the cops she never called and it was a misunderstanding. Never again. She's on her 3rd failing marriage and I will let her die before ever helping her again.

This caller seems to have had a traumatic childhood. Dr. John is doing what most therapists do and that is to First understand someone. And not be quick to judge. Second is to listen to them. In case no one else could tell the caller was crying over the phone. Also she called because she knows she needs help. Also you don't tell your daughter that you wish they failed and come back to you. That's not your kids job to make sure your adult Dad is always emotional stable. This is a great podcast. Keep helping people.

She’s going to regret this decision.

The reality is that he will hit her again.

She doesn't get it, she chose this. Parents do not have to deal with an abusive boyfriend/husband, period. Never would I ever bring thus dude with a violent past around my family.

She married the guy that broke her arm🤦🏼‍♀️

Did Dr. John blame the Dad for creating the childhood that led to drugs and eventual abuse?

So from the callers perspective, my parents died when I was 15 yo. Not a functional family. As John said, I worked too hard to maintain family with my three older siblings. Eventually I came to understand, culminating in my fifties, that while I loved them, it’s healthier for me to only be in relationship with people who value me and recognize my worth. It’s painful, and important. Unfortunately, it bled into my non-family relationships as well. At 61 yo, I am so much quicker to discontinue a relationship where I’m devalued or have certain unhealthy perimeters of interactions. I have so much peace now.

It's not nice to be unopen to forgiveness and reconciliation. However, this girl must've been a complete thorn in her family's side.

She mad at the wrong people 😂

The more I kept listening to this caller the more I kept realizing that she doesn't realize the severity of the situation at hand. Think about it her father and the rest of her family disowned her probably not just for the fact that she went back to the man that nearly beat her to death but the fact that she was a drug addict in the first place. Then to have the doctor basically say it's your dad's fault for moving on and getting remarried during your childhood and your dad's fault for driving you to the point of drugs and alcohol. What this did was basically say I have every right to be angry at my father for what I did to myself. This is a woman who I think is going to use this call now to either do one or two things either go to her family members and father side and tell them you're either going to let me be in your life and my husband as well or you will lose me altogether.or she's going to ignore what Doctor John said and she's going to want her father's love and attention so badly that one day she's going to come to her senses and divorce this man and the moment she divorces him as the moment her father will let her back into the family or at least let her in gently. This woman doesn't even realize that she is still in an abusive situation. He may have stopped being aggressive and potentially violent with her but he still has some signs of emotional and psychological anger because of his drug use. And let's be real here she went on ahead and married the dude a year after her dad kicked her out. What does that say about her. It says that she has no sense of being alone and dependent on herself to be capable of surviving in the world without anybody else. This is a woman who I think literally wants to have her cake and eat it too. She wants her father and her family back in her life without the judgment for both her and her husband but she also wants her husband. She's not going to get them both she's either going to lose one for the other or she's going to lose one now and then the other way the wrong because of the regret and guilt. And this point she really needs to have a serious conversation with her husband about the whole thing and tell her in order for me to have my family back I need you to apologize for everything that you have done to them that caused them to disown me and you need to apologize to me publicly. But I do believe this woman wants to have someone validate that she has every right to move on but her family has every right to not welcomed her back intothere lies and her husband into their lives because he's a reminder of the toxic past that nearly took her away from them forever

If the now husband is still using I get it. If they are Both sober now....I get both sides. So sad.

You can't make someone to have a relationship with you. Just spend time with people who want to. Don't waste ur time it plenty of people in the world.

I don't blame the parents one bit. They saved her life and then like an ungrateful child she goes back to some guy that should be in jail.

I wonder what happened to her to make her think that she deserved to be treated like that 🤔. She has some unexamined core beliefs that keep her running back to her abuser.

I can’t wait to hear his answer because he literally gave this advice the other day- to break off the relationship because of an abuser....

Drugs can really make people psychotic though, like crack. I believe if they are fully sober that can definitely be a tragic one time event and an anchor for him to be ashamed forever. Getting clean is the biggest factor I think.

John "Nebraska" one of the greatest and underated albums of all times!

Some people never change! 🤷‍♂️ Hang in, their girl!👍

John, we love you just the way you are!!!!!!

You have to accept what consequences you've caused. If the family accepts you again, then great. If not, then so be it.

Holy narcissism.

This call frustrates me because it demonstrates John just saying whatever it takes to "make nice" with the person calling in instead of acknowledging the truth of what the other affected parties are dealing with. It's like the philosophy that "Whoever calls 911 first must be the victim," except in this case, Kay has made a lifetime of bad choices that have essentially destroyed her family, and by making this single phone call, she now feels absolved of any wrongdoing. John is knowledgeable, skilled, and capable of better work than this.

What a nightmare. There was a 5 year period in my life where it looked I was a hopeless alcoholic and drug abuser. But I got my life together and never went back to that. People can change. It looks like you and your husband have. Looks like your dad is open to the new you. But your aunt is not, and your dad sides with her. Tough situation.

I’m with the dad on this one. Drug user or not, these is no excuse for domestic violence

Do we not give grace? They were addicted as kids and that’s when the incident occurred and never happened again…do we hood things over ppl heads? Especially 5yrs later especially when the husband improved and hasn’t shown I’ll behavior! Cooommmeee oonnnn

That boyfriend is lucky to be alive…

I wonder what the people defending her and her husband think about DUI deaths and injuries. She didn’t die but it was the same reckless violence under the influence. There’s compassion and redemption and there’s just being naive. Forgiving this guy at the expense of the family that made her better is being naive at best.

Why is it more important for her father to see his sister at the holidays than his daughter? Why can't he do two separate holidays?

I’m with the parents too.

She's delusional. Her parents put her under "house arrest". I really wish she could define what "house arrest" means to her. No, they didn't need to be together! An abuser & an addict?!? Two addicts DON'T EVER need to be together because they are ADDICTS not just FORMER addicts!!! No way! Wish Dr. John had asked is she & her husband were in drug counseling? Wondering why she had an awful relationship with her father after her mother died? John usually leans into the man (husband, father, boyfriend, etc) always having some fault. Maybe she got out of control after her mom died?

Kids from good homes abuse drugs, not to escape the “horrors” of home life, but just because they want to try stuff and live the party life. Parents normally don’t approve. That is the issue here. Not some made up childhood trauma that she didn’t even bring up. The dad probably rescued her a lot over the years. The fact that he is even willing to have a relationship after all that has happened proves he is a good father. Aunts can be there or not, doesn’t really matter. The caller has to deal with her decisions at some point. Losing an aunt seems minor compared to what her life could look like by now.

She won’t understand the situation she put herself in until she has kids. She says “ Yep”, but she can’t grasp it.

Sounds like she put them through hell

This caller is unbelievably pompous. You literally ruined everyone's lives.

This is not good news. This is not good. I hope she sees the bad decision of going back to him. It never ends well.

Her husband is definitely sus, but seems like her dad also doesn't have good boundaries with her. She didn't get to substance abuse and staying with a guy who beat her up from nowhere.

You seriously think it was a 1 time abuse situation. Oh please. These were addicts in chaos and the family witnessed and tried to help her. Now the family is gun-shy and set boundaries. Those boundaries were to protect the family/kids. So your mad Dr. John that Aunt set boundaries? Nah

Man John is so inconsistent. The poor lady from Australia gets called names by him but this girl gets praise. Bizarre.

Parents it’s not what you do it’s how you do it. Kicking her out wasn’t smart at all it definitely was gonna push her back to where she is accepted 😂😂

Chad is still undefeated. Fellas you’ll be seeing this gal on the dating apps soon enough looking for a “real” man.

Why don't people do premarital counseling anymore?

It was not a one time thing! She’s lying and the aunt knows it.

Mental and physical abuse are the most debilitating drug users can't live without. The family members of these victims have to watch all the mess happen without using the blinders the user is addicted too. Barriers must be put up by the family to protect the family from damage so they are there when the user realizes what is truly going on. This way, the family is able to be the rock required to build a new firm foundation.

I am not with the dad on this. Hear me out. On the one hand if he cut her off because he didn’t want to be part of the madness of her returning with the boyfriend and the toxicity that entails. I get it. He is right!!! And kudos to him actually for having strong boundaries. On the other hand, telling your kid you wish they had failed and come back to you? That is not loving. That is not okay. Growing up my dad and I disagreed a lot on the things I should do with my life and the biggest gift the man has ever given me was having my back when I chose differently from what he wanted. I can’t describe the boost of confidence and the determination to succeed that came from knowing that though he would have preferred something else for me he trusted me and was rooting for me to succeed on paths I had chosen myself. The confident and strong person that I am is almost entirely due to that dynamic.

14:49 people have opinions. What are you gonna do? You're giving yours to her. Of course she called in for advice but are others voices not appreciated? The council of many people will give wisdom. Take the good and leave the bad. That's it. I wouldn't want to express myself In a way where it belittles others. Only in few cases. Edit: feels like there's something else going on here too. You know it really feels like you give almost everyone the benefit of the doubt. At least it's often enough to notice. What if there was more stuff going on and she was at fault so that's why she freaked out and yelled? Don't know. But you kind of glazed over it. I know its hard with the timing and stuff. Just feels half baked

So there's no hope for abuser's? So I will always be an abuser? God can't heal my heart? You all literally are telling me there's no hope for guys like me. Do you realize that? I'm not a monster. I've apologized to my past and God. But yet form's like this says, " too bad you still who you use to be". I wish this young lady well and I pray her husband be the best man he can be for her. You want to know something else, my ex moved on and married. When I found out I thanked God for putting her with a man that would honor her and apologize for the times I didn't. Years later, 6 exactly I'm still ashamed because of comments like this. I don't have hope because society says I don't deserve any. I don't know what to do. The world doesn't believe in me. I know my heart, just wish people could see it.

I'm pretty sure everyone listening to this is siding with the parents. This girl needs to wake up

This was NOT Dr. John talking to Kay as an impartial therapist considering there are more sides than just Kay's. From the start you took this call as your little girl's daddy, how You would respond, what You would say. Your usual demeanor and words fell away, Dr. John vanished and daddy John took both your's and Kay's reins and you ran with them. I am beyond shocked that you instantly sided with her without knowing everyone's truth; she is NOT your daughter and you handled this call as if she were. That is a professional failing. I find it unfair to believe her childhood account and judge the father without hearing his side. The man buried his wife and it is possible his daughter used Mommy's death as an excuse to demand her way while Dad tried to reign her in and she rebelled in all the worst ways of the streets, bad boys drugs and alcohol. Kay never alluded to her childhood until You handed her that Get Out Of Responsibility card!!! Seriously...OMG! You remind me of the so-called therapists in the 1980s who helped fan the destructive flames of false pedophile charges against countless innocent people. All done by leading children to believe people did bad things to them, things that were later found to be lies but the damage was done, lives were and remain ruined. You led Kay to make claims that I do not believe are true. She did not so much volunteer anything John...you led her the whole way! Man oh man, you failed so severely that you need a time out to do some serious work on yourself. And you owe Kay's family the chance to hear this program and respond, private or public is their choice but You Owe Them.

Another woman following the tingles and excitement an emotionally toxic relationship gives her. When things inevitably go south (AGAIN) she will probably have at least one kid by that point and be in her mid 30s. She will then be on TikTok ranting how there are no good men out there and that “she’s the table” while looking for a 6 figure put together man to come in and save her.

Im so uncomfortable with the advice they gave her. Like no that aunt is NOT acting like a child. You were BEATEN this is grounds to NEVER be forgiven so a few years of sobriety and marriage is not enough. And please for the love of god don’t run out and have kids in hopes of shoe horning your way into family events. Like sit still look pretty, take what you are offered and if thier reaction is bad for your mental health, relationship or future children then sit down with them and say hey this is no longer working for me cause of x y z either include me completely or step out of my life and just leave. Be mentally prepared too if you ever look at another drug or he hits you mami you’ll never step foot into that family agaub

I can't understand why you would say something so ungracious.sound like a very selfish human everything is about you..leave John alone we love him and every person deserve to be themselves

Female accountability isn’t allowed on any Ramsey channel

These women annoy me with their giggling and inappropriate laughing