r/Tifu I Messed Up My Interview By Talking About My Poop Knife 

OP: "I didn't get the job."

I just imagine them doing the cutting knife motion and I laugh sm

@@unknownu4978 "Whelp. Time to move again."

@@callmewolf3910 since it was an interview with reddit, I don't think moving would help. There's nowhere to hide from the shame of fucking up an internet-related interview.

Lol

It’s the most awkward power move

"My awkward nature is a power that will not be contained!"

@@scottbecker4367 your both cyan, now FIGHT!

@@VertigoEnjoyerismeaningsmiles it seems we have been forced into a duel. *Draws slightly pointy stick* I'm sorry.

You're right about that and that definitely helps in job interviews, being easily forgotten is one of the worst things you can be in a job interview as long as you don't talk about the poop knife doing something that makes you memorable really helps in securing that job.

Never heard of it. What bizarre, obscure corner of reddit did this come from.

Because no "hiring manager" has ever regularly consumed the products of the business they work for. They're corporates, and corporates cease being people very quickly.

@@MelissiaBlackheart have you heard of the coconut story?

@@Distriived or the maggot story

@@alloveragain8592 I hate that it's necessary to ask, but.. which one do you mean? the pool cleaner one? or the onahole?

Same

My son knew that the "bad" words would get him into trouble. So, when he would get totally pissed of with a playmate ...... or my teenage brother ...... he would gather himself to his full height, take a deep breath, squint his eyes, and while pointing his finger, he would say, "YOU! .....", and leave it at that. He got his point (no pun intended) across and his playmates would back off. I actually had a parent get in my face about him doing that ..... she actually tried to convince me that it was the same as swearing ..... because of "intent". (WTF?)

@@tinydancer7426 I would of asked her would you prefer he actually swear.

@@kaylafuller8948 Nah! She already went ape when my son called him a "son of a bitch" after her son chucked rocks at him..... she took offense to being indirectly referred to as a bitch (yeah, like that was my 4 year old son's intent ...... he got the phrase from hearing my father saying it ..... bad grandpa). Funny how she was not open to having a conversation about her son (older than my son) chucking rocks at him and going out of his way to verbally torment a younger child. She really got up set the day that, once again, her son was going out of his way to be especially verbally harassing my boy, (if he was in the back yard, her boy out go thru their house and stand on the back porch running his mouth; when my boy went out front, hers also went out and ran his mouth; if my boy was inside our house, hers would stand in the neighbor's front yard and harassing my by yelling at him, etc.) So one day, my boy was out front on our porch playing by him self, her boy was sitting on their front steps running his mouth with the harassment.... he was repeated ask to "leave me alone ..... stop saying those things ..... etc.) Eventually, my boy put his toys down, walked down the front steps, down the sidewalk, up to their front steps and very neatly PUNCHED HIM IN THE NOSE, and then very quietly and calmly came back to our porch and went back to quietly playing by himself. Of course, next thing I know I am being summoned to come outside, and the mom is standing on the in between neighbor's lawn demanding that I do something with my son because he punch her boy in the nose. I asked her if she was aware of her son's behavior that morning (the taunting and harassing), she said yeah, she heard him, but boys are like that and they do that ..... to which I replied, "True, and boys who are like that and do that get punch in the nose or worse. I can promise you, if he grows up thinking that behavior is appropriate and tries it sometime in a bar or some other public gathering of men, he can count on a punch in the nose if not a complete beat down. And, no, I am not going to punish my son, he asked repeatedly that you son stop with harassment and picking at him, and since you do not want your son cursed at, well I guess he will have to get used to a punch in the nose from time to time." Never had anymore trouble with that little SOB's mouth again after that.

@@tinydancer7426 if some kid threw rocks at my son I would tell the mother either you do something about your child throwing rocks at my kid or I cannot be held liable for what my kid does to your kid. I am a firm believer in once a kid does something that could hurt my son or makes him feel like he is in danger he has every right to fight back. I feel like throwing rocks at him falls into both categories. So the mom is a Karen why does that not surprise me

I thought that right away! I thought that they would have looked so similar that she couldn't see the difference in the pic when she met him but she was staring at the brother instead! How awkward would that have been when when they met for the first time if that was the case!?

I did. Frankly, though, if a potential date looked me up on LinkedIn or anywhere else, I wouldn't think too much about it. I'd figure she was doing her due diligence in checking me out and give her props for it.

I thought that immediately and then proceeded to get confused in my own thought because how could she have gotten the names wrong

so cute lolllll

A hollow shell of a person who only acts when they are hidden from the world. Alone forever and isolated

*Until you know the true meaning of it*

hellll nahhhh if I caught my child saying that to me and other people then figuring out what it meant, I would get the belt and start whipping the insults out him

I GOT THE 69TH LIKE

we just use a plunger to break it up..

Ain't surprised coz I've heard about poop knives many times some months back

@Steven Anderson Seriously, a hiring manager for Reddit who doesn't know one of the more viral reddit stories?

Never heard of it before

@@ThisIsMego Hopefully he's seen this video now... Which includes Reddit-ception ahead of the legendary post...about the "poop knife"... This video must now go viral. 😅😅😅😅🤣🤣🤣🤣

Slept with any bisexual men before the infection? I found a marine bacteria in my mouth while at university. I'm pretty sure it made me sick

Or it was thrush, like a yeast infection is that what your talking about because anyone can get a yeast infection especially thrush.

So you had thrush, also known as a yeast infection of the throat.

People, he said it was a bacterial infection. Yeast is a fungi, not a bacteria

I had Streptococcus B (which is a bacteria) and I hadn’t been with anyone for a good few months at that time. I love that people are telling me I had thrush when I clearly stated bacterial infection. Pretty sure I know more about my personal medical diagnosis than you. 😊

Use the plunger like every one else

@@curtistic5724 Sometimes even that doesn't work... I know someone with a condition where his shits were the girth of a baseball... It was extremely painful for him as a kid and his mother and aunt had to cut up his poo... Luckily thanks to a slight diet change and meds this doesn't happen still as far as I know. He doesn't even know I know this story because his aunt told me...

ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-nIAihbYo8HU.html

Did you master the art of the blade?

Obviously he didn't mind or he would've cancelled the date. Can't really be mad that someone wants to find out about you from an unbiased source before they're put in a position where they're at your mercy.

Yeah exactly, if that would happen to me I'd think "she's smart, careful and cautious" those are good qualities.

She kept going back

@@sparklemotion8377 Shouldn't matter tho. Facebook/Linkedin/[other social media platform] stalking is never really a problem unless you make it one imo. Either it's flattering or unwanted, if it's unwanted you block said stalker :) Could be neither as well I guess, I mean I couldn't give two shits about who reads any of the things I've posted on social media, otherwise I wouldn't post those things in the first place :D

just tell him why you went back again and again. you looked too good for me but I had to meet you. great compliment.

If you assume everyone has one then I don't think it would come up before then. I mean I have been with my SO 12years and we don't openly talk about what we do in the bathroom. I'm sure they don't run out of the bathroom to their wife and go "you should have seen the log I just had to cut up!"

What I don't get is, how the hell did he not pinch off a giant loaf into someone else's toilet until he was 22???

@@ThEjOkErIsWiLd00 does he hold it until he gets home?

@Rusto now that would be a real sh*tty moment to realise what you have been using...

The celebrational ritual for the bride and groom is to cut the cake together, not cut the poop together.

Lol

Smarter than I was when I was a toddler. If I wanted to say something bad to my parents I'd stick my toung out at them and my parents quickly put a stop to that

Are* according to the mom, she keeps saying them/their and so on. 🤦‍♀️

@@orlab1272 "my toddler ARE soo intelligent"? Buddy that doesn't make sense.

Confessions is worse

@@peachpunch9465 punish me daddy I've been bad

@@sadistfurret4205 please no

@@sadistfurret4205 lmfao

@@sadistfurret4205 You’d think that your name would be MasochistFurret69 judging by your comment.

heh, "push"

I just woke up

Lol yeah it came out at 6 for me

It came out at 14:02 for me

I couldn’t fall asleep-I was laughing too hard!!

His voice is a national treasure.

Fr this is how it goes Me: "Lemme just go stalk this person real quick..." My brain: "They'll know" Me: "No, they don't. There's no possible way" Brain: "But what if?" Me: *"Good point."*

I wouldn't care if a woman checked out my profiles before going on a date. I'd credit her with doing her due diligence, or else being curious enough about me to look me up.

Lol in that case it was both

I tried to teach my children that there is no such thing as bad words, just words that people find offensive when you say them. But they still think those words are "bad."

It does show planning, preparation, and problem solving skills. Also anyone who has ensured that the poop knife will only be used for poop is showing care for sanitation.

And the curse to go with it. "May you never find your poop knife!"

Story goes, when I was 3, my gran said, "oh shit" & my mum said (to her mum), _"WHAT did you say?"_ I replied, "she said 'oh shit'." Obviously. Apparently they were laughing too much to do anything about it. Point made though.

and if something bad were to happen to someone at the hands of their date, SOMEONE is going to say it’s their fault for not researching their date ahead of time

yeah, and tbh i would be flattered lol

Probably also an r/ThatHappened story in fact, all the subs r/Slash covers are basically just made up. At least that's what's commonly said about those subs.

Nobody asked but I'm delighted you said this, sounds like such a cutie

@@NegaTheImpmon9508 he is!! Just a tip though, saying 'nobody asked comes across as kinda rude :(

The toddle in this story reminds me of Manny from the DOAWK books, where he says “Ploopy” whenever he swears.

Did you mean to say ambitious?

Yes, I can’t spell very well

Seeing ambitious spelled as ambisoush was the cutest thing I’ve seen this morning

@@meganfenton856 Thank you!

😂😂 Caillou

Omg I used to watch Caillou as a kid. I watched it in French cause I'm Canadian and it's my first language. His name means "pebble" in French, which is hilarious when you remember that he's bald 😂

Calliou is a sociopath.

@@soulgazer11 It's even funnier when you realize that he is a pebble in his parents' shoes.

@@10Raccoon omfg truuue 😂🤣

Good morning

Bad mornin’

SQUID MORNING

POOP KNIFE !!

alright the poop story is soo bad too 😂😂

*break room

the break up room?