raw emotions on creativity, mental health and dreams. 

Also!! Jk rowling published her first book at 32. And now she is one of the most celebrated and successful authors ever. Keep thinking and feeling. Emy you have so many beautiful thoughts and thousands of people who would love to read them in a book, never forget that.

I appreciate your openness and raw emotions, thank you

Thank you emy. I needed to hear this. I need to start writing again for my soul. I feel the fatigue you do as well. I think its a result of being a sensitive And deeply feeling soul in a society with strict rules, stress, and a lack of softness. I feel less alone knowing someone out there is struggling. Keep sharing emy, im sending love and creativity x

wow. this video really resonates with me. i started tearing up when you talked about how for you writing is part of your identity and it destroys you not to be doing it even though you enjoy it + that you want to be seen as a writer. i feel the same about drawing. i was talented at it but quit around 12 when i became clinically depressed and i share the same feelings as you. i’m afraid of my drawings not turning out well so i don’t even try, and it hasn’t progressed in the last 5 years since i’ve stopped so i don’t want to know how ‘bad’ it has gotten either. i also only feel tired and drained all the time from just trying to finish school and having a difficult home situation. i hope this hollowness passes for the both of us. you have a beautiful poetic voice, even just hearing you talk about ‘the smoky scent that feels like the first morning for everything’ brought up emotions in me. i hope to someday read your words, i truly believe you have the talent to be published. take care

Perdre son imagination, c'est comme perdre une partie de soi, manquer un bout de son âme. Et c'est encore plus perturbant de la retrouver en phase de dépression, car elle revient telle une tornade et les idées se multiplient sans pouvoir s'arrêter comme pour rattraper le temps perdu. J'ai commencé à écrire des romans au moment le plus sombre de ma dépression, et j'en écrivais 5 en même temps et je les mettais en ligne. Le pire c'est qu'il y en avait 10 autres qui restaient dans ma tête. Et dans ces moments, les idées viennent d'elles-mêmes, on a l'impression que notre cerveau prend le contrôle sur nous et qu'on fait ce qu'il nous dicte. Je suppose que c'est cela l'inspiration. J'ai l'impression que pour ma part, j'ai besoin d'émotions fortes pour être créative, peu importe si l'émotion est positive ou négative, pourvu qu'elle soit intense. Quand je suis amoureuse, j'écris des poèmes et quand je souffre, j'écris des romans. Si je suis dans une période calme, neutre on va dire, je ne produis rien. Je déteste ça.

This is the realest thing I have listened to. It's something I relate to so viscerally despite being in a different situation. I stumbled into photography and grew up sadder than most and I did end up getting my photography and writing published twice. I, too, felt like the only reason to do either was to get published, to get some kind of validity. I think it stem(s) from wanting to feel like my time here on Earth mean(s) or meant something because I am just me, without family, older than you even (26 isn't the end). But, I got it and I am now struggling with what all of *that* even meant because it didn't make me feel validated for some reason. I feel emptier now and I know that doesn't make sense but it felt like I was climbing something and got to the top and there was nothing there and I hoped for something to be at the top. I don't even know if this comment makes sense? Right now, I don't do photography or writing anymore (despite putting my older work online on social media). I feel totally numb. But I wanted to share because I listened to this video and it felt like the first time I heard anyone remotely describe anything similar to what was in my own head. And I hope my comment doesn't discourage you. I appreciate your vulnerability is all.

your honesty is very brave. This is good - to ponder why we do what we do and really be aware of why and what is in our spirit. I think too creativity gets suppressed when we have so many other responsibilities and commitments that don't require the exercise of creativity. It is hard to find a balance with so many demands of life. I'm sure you will find your way. You seem to already have accomplished a lot.

Hello Emy, je suis vraiment obligée de commenter cette vidéo qui me touche particulièrement. Je me suis beaucoup retrouvée quand tu parles de l'élan créatif qui sort tout droit de la souffrance. Quand j'étais ado j'écrivais beaucoup de poésies et également des textes de chanson en anglais. J'étais vraiment très dépressive limite suicidaire et écrire est quelque chose qui m'a beaucoup aidée à cette époque là. Maintenant que je suis adulte, comme toi, je n'arrive plus à écrire. En tout cas, je ne m'y suis plus jamais mise. C'est quelque chose qui me manque par moment mais, comme toi, j'ai toujours aimé dessiner et c'est cette passion qui est dominante chez moi. A travers ce message je voudrais te donner du courage et l'élan pour t'y remettre. J'ai 31 ans, j'ai fais des études par défaut et je suis actuellement dans un job par défaut qui m'épuise mais me permet de payer les factures. Pendant des années je me suis dit la même chose que toi : j'ai raté ma voie. J'aurais dû faire ceci ou celà, j'aurais dû faire telles études ou telle chose. Mais, il y a un an, j'ai décidé d'arrêter de parler au conditionnel passé pour enfin parler au présent et surtout au futur. Depuis un an, je bosse dur pour atteindre un niveau correct en dessin qui me permettra d'en faire mon métier. Je prends des cours en ligne, je dessine tous les jours, je me cultive sur toutes ces choses que je ne connais pas et qui me sont utiles, j'échange avec d'autres artistes, avec d'autres élèves, ... Bref, j'emprunte finalement ce chemin que je n'ai pas osé prendre quand j'avais 18 ou 20 ans. Alors certes ce n'est pas évident, certes parfois j'avance en aveugle mais ça fait du bien ! Et depuis les pertes de créativités sont assez rares. Je me surprends même à réfléchir à des histoires pour enfants/ados que j'aimerais écrire et illustrer. Bref, il n'est pas trop tard, tu n'as pas raté ton embranchement et si écrire et être publiée est quelque chose qui est au fond de toi depuis toutes ces années, fonce ! C'est le premier pas qui fait peur. Lance-toi et le reste suivra :)

I was looking for videos to practice french and I came across your channel, I feel so happy that happened. It totally resonated with me. Its really beautiful how you are not afraid of being vulnerable and share these deep feelings with the world, its something rare to find. You are so inspiring and can just encourage you to keep going .Just be you and your book is going to be amazing.

wow. you just said out loud everything i've been feeling for a long time. thank you for your bravery and raw honesty

Do not think you are worthless. You are helping so many people with your teaching of French. All you students will have better and happier lives because of you. You are a great influence for the causes you support on social media. I think that you have part of it correct. You are so busy that you are always tired and that kills your motivation and creativity. It is never too late and you are not old. I think you should write. You have to have it written to share it and develop the story so that it can be published. I hope that you find the motivation and success that you are looking for. Good Luck.

I'm a writer (even if it's hard to say that for me) and I can relate! If you want to write, even though your creativity is not what it used to be, go back to it. It's depressing at the beginning but do it anyway, you will be happy to just put ink on paper, to write a sentence, a paragraph. I'm "forcing" myself currently and people say it's like a muscle, when it's been a while it's hard at the beginning, even if that's not my point of view I'm doing it and hoping it's gonna come back, maybe not as it used to be but in a way that is okay for me. If you want to write enough, I'm pretty sure, you will do it. In my opinion, don't think of the publication for the moment because if you want to be traditionnally published this is not just your decision but think of the moment when you'll see your story coming together and the day you will put the last word. I wish you the best.

You are so strong, real, and it is refreshing to hear your story. You are very graceful for are sharing your personal story here. I needed to hear this because I grew up the very same way: an artist, a writer who from my youth had stories trapped in my soul behind what seemed like insurmountable obstacles of my own thinking. Hesitation, worry, and a bashful presence kept me from sharing my true work, my true self. You grow up and do battle with life: death of family members, bills, military life, and being away from home for years. You settle yourself and think you can start writing again but that weight of life, depression, or circumstance is always present and you are once again going through the motions. Even now, in the military at 28 years old, I revert back to the comforts of my childhood in writing poetry or novels, but it feels like I am utterly alone. Then I hear your story and it is word for word food for my soul. I hope you are able to have your writing published and when it happens, it will definitely be worth the read! You have a light about you Emy and I pray you continue to let it shine and warm our hearts.

this year, i keep catching myself feeling "too busy" to write poems and turn them into songs. i was going through my music the other week and i realized that im good at music, its therapy for me, and it makes me aware of the thoughts and feelings that i usually close off so, now, i am going to try to start feeling more intensely: to start staying up late, writing, and not taking "im busy" or "im tired" as an excuse from myself. take a break, go somewhere you love, try to feel everything distinctly. breather in the air, get out your computer/pen and paper, and just write. get it back.

I can relate to a lot of what you said. I remember when I was younger and up until recently, feeling so numb and desensitised to everything. I knew that I lost feeling because I just didn't care about anything and went throughout the day and school without any passion or motivation. Even though it's not currently as bad, I feel as though the motivation I do feel isn't real because I don't act upon it. In terms of the creativity aspect, I really love to draw and use watercolours, however, even that strong love and admiration for the art doesn't push me enough to draw and paint. Only occasionally I will create a piece or two but feel that I'm not good enough or have such a feeling. Summer holidays just ended and although I've improved my skills so much and have stepped out of the "not good enough" mindset, I still struggle to begin the task, because that's exactly what it feels like - a task, rather than a fun and relaxing hobby, even though I really want to paint and draw! I really want it to become part of my forté but I feel as though I haven't created enough pieces of art to be called an "artist", although I feel that I am an artist! On a lighter note though, I've become a lot more confident in myself and outspoken (but not in a way that is offensive towards others), and I couldn't care less what people say or think about me and this has helped me immensely. The raw emotion you show helps to keep me at peace because it makes me reiterate in my mind that everyone has these feelings to some extent. I have a habit of looking too much into things and over-analysing which is both a blessing and a curse, in the same way you noted that creativity is like that. I really hope you would upload more of these types of videos because it may be a form of therapy to both you and the viewers, and I do think that this channel is one of the safest place to do that 💛💜💛💜😘

Merci pour ce moment de partage. L'écriture te tient vraiment à cœur. Quelques fois, ce sont les choses, les rêves qui nous tiennent le plus à cœur qui génèrent en nous le plus de peurs. Et nous sommes bloqués par nos peurs : peur de ne pas être à la hauteur, peur des contraintes financières, peur des critiques, peur de ne pas être reconnu par ses pairs, peur de l'échec, etc. Sans parler de la pression que l'on se met soi-même. Et nous n'osons plus rien. Mais il n'est jamais trop tard. Et comme l'écrivait Oscar Wilde : "Il faut toujours viser la lune, car même en cas d'échec, on atterrit dans les étoiles."

Thank you for making this video, Emy. I'm genuinely amazed by how much every single word you said resonates with me. I've never been an overly optimistic person, but there were definitely moments when I would feel joy and admire even the most ordinary things. Being in nature, reading books, talking to people and listening to their stories used to give me so many emotions and an infinite amount of food for thought. Now it's like I am more dead than alive. Completely exhausted, drowning in daily duties, trying my best not to hate myself for taking a break (because being highly inspired 24/7 is obviously unrealistic) and at the same time feeling like I'm just wasting my youth, since creating music and writing are basically the only things I truly want to do. I'm not really depressed anymore (at least definitely not to such an extent as a while ago). I work as a teacher, live according to my beliefs and always look for ways to improve myself. I'm honestly grateful for everything I have. Yet I haven't felt happy in many years - probably due to a chemical imbalance in my brain, as I can't seem to find any other reasons. A few weeks ago I decided to try freewriting, and so far it's been pretty efficient in helping me overcome my perfectionism. Like Vincent van Gogh said: "If you hear a voice within you saying 'you are not a painter,' then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced." I also force myself to write down all my ideas, no matter how insignificant, trivial and unworthy of ever sharing with others they seem. You never know: your random observations may become an endless source of inspiration someday. I believe in you, Emy. You're a beautiful human being, incredibly brave and sincere. You have so much to say and to share even if occasionally you don't feel like it. I never leave comments and tend not to talk about my feelings (or their absence, to be more precise), because I just know that very few people have had similar experience and will be able to understand what I'm going through. However, after watching your video I felt kind of compelled to let you know how much you inspire me. Sending you my love. Hope things get better soon. :)

Ça fait des années que j'attends de lire tes écrits, les extraits que tu as publiés sont magnifiques et attisent ma curiosité,! Je ne suis pas le moins du monde surprise par cette vidéo, et je te vois déjà comme une écrivaine. Il n'est jamais trop tard, il n'est même pas encore tard..

Je me sentirai honorée de pouvoir lire tes écrits, vraiment tu n'écris pas pour rien ni pour personne .

I feel exactly the same way x) Thank you for sharing , it helps me smh ❤

I am in love with "Raw emotions" videos and I really hope that I can have the courage to film and make them. But I always don't feel safe to express my self in front of people.. May be people who live in dictatorship countries will understand this situation.

Your 'Vegan Miams' e-books and your blog prove that you're already a writer. And I'm sure that you'll get more than one 'real' book published. Keep working on it and you'll get there. I have faith in you.

I think I understand how you feel, for 10 years my identity was that of a photographer and artist and as the years passed I lost my passion for it and a huge part of my identity was changing and it causes a mass amount of grief when you think you know who you are and then it all changes. I also resonate with how you say you like the idea of writing, I liked the idea of being an artist and thought everything else wasn't worth the time. It's extremely hard letting go of the idea you have of yourself, I still struggle to this day! even though I'm happier than ever and love the new direction I am headed. I am still creative but just not as much as I used to be. We need to let go of what we think we should be and embrace who we are.. but sometimes you also need a little push so I do hope you share some of your writing one day :)

Je me retrouve beaucoup dans ce que tu dis par rapport au fait de ne plus/moins écrire comparativement à avant. Ma perception de moi-même et mon image varient selon ma créativité: ce que j’imagine et ce que j’écris, c’est la seule chose que je trouve belle chez moi. J’ai arrêté d’écrire pour diverses raisons (prépa, problèmes psychiatriques...) et depuis j’ai du mal à accepter cela, c’est comme si je n’étais plus moi sans l’écriture et la création? Comme si j’avais perdu une caractéristique essentielle, quelque chose qui me distinguait et faisait de moi quelqu’un de potentiellement intéressant.. c’est frustrant aussi, parce qu’écrire m’a toujours procuré un grand plaisir et fait du bien en profondeur, j’ai peur de ne jamais parvenir à m’y remettre, je me dégoûte d’avoir arrêté, je crains de gâcher du temps précieux que je pourrais consacrer à créer... En tout cas sache que tu n’es pas seule, ta vidéo m’a fait beaucoup de bien, merci pour ton partage et ta transparence :) prends soin de toi, bisous

I understand this feeling so deeply.

Tu as mis des mots sur quelque chose que je ressens depuis 2 ans ..en tout point. It is overwhelming. The wave of émotion/creation, the inspiration in the street, your identity, liking the idea....

have you considered sharing your works online? this might sound amateur, but many writers have become well known on Wattpad, and it can still be copyrighted if it's online

It's impressive how I recognize myself in what you said... I had a period when I felt really bad, sad, and I felt everything so deeply and created a lot, and then - even in this period actually - I sometimes felt so numb, so empty for a moment... It was so strange. And then I woke up and felt everything so deeply again, and everything started again and again. And this period was horrible, but I was so creative, and now that I'm better (but not happy, more like "ok I'm alive, I'm not really sad anymore but I don't feel anything intense anymore") I look at my writings and I'm like "ok, this was a horrible moment but I wrote kind of a beautiful thing !" And now I'm almost nostalgic for this horrible period because of the creativity it brought me ! It a way, it's like I wish to be this sad person again so that I could write something beautiful again ! So, I understand what you mean...

Merci beaucoup pour ce partage très touchant ! ❤️ En tout cas, moi j’aimerai beaucoup te lire, sincèrement ! Prends bien soin de toi ❤️💖 Loveee😋❤️💕

In a perfect world i would love people to express themselves fully so you dont feel this air of facade, meanwhile our vibes (auras) are interacting all the time, the internet is missing that. Also if i like someone in their creativty I'll buy their stuff, i got a $100 book from David Choe because i fucking love authenticity, a naked soul in a body expressing fully, i love it flaws and all, no filter. Some internalize their piece of shit behavior, he just expresses it. I've made fasting and writing a habit, but i enjoy it, its not forced, horrible grammar and all with my dyslexic/austism spectrum brain. I'd still love to see your art and always enjoy these raw emotions.

"that's the only thing i want" there you go, pursuit that,it will keep you away from depresion, maybe

Hi. I think one of the best perks of writing is that if you ever feel stuck, unable to write, you can always use the same medium to express that feeling. You can always write about not having anything to write about... and go from there. The most important thing in writing (I have found) is that you need to divide it into 2 parts: 1 writing 2 editing... In the 1st part you're not allowed to judge or spend too much time worrying about different words you could've used or things of that nature. You make a pact to just write the worst text in the history of all texts and get it over with. But you know that once you're done, you will have all the time and leisure in the world to edit the hell out of it. At one point you said your dream is to publish just one book, and I was thinking to myself, why do you think it's so hard? You can easily do it. Just one idea off the top of my head, would be collecting all your travel writings and make a book out of them, with pictures and stuff... The problem is that we think our 1st book has to be a masterpiece, like Oscar Wilde or something! But it doesn't have to be... Anyway, good luck. Hope that helped in some way.

i read somewhere that changing things help with creativity so much, you changed your apartment maybe get a really short haircut to shoch yourself and just PUSH YOURSELF TO WRITE, eventually you will be in somewhere you desire.

I completely recognize me in what you said about writing. I write since I'm 8 (I'm actually 16) and, even if I really don't like the idea of an editor (I don't know if it's the good word) reading my book and changing things about it to make it easier to rent, I still have this fantasy about publishing something, about being recognized for my work, about letting something behind me to testimony that I've existed. But, on the other hand, even if I'm actually publishing some of my writings on a website (Wattpad, you might know it), I don't feel completely comfortable with showing these writings because some are very personal. So I'm always between these two ideas, these two conceptions about writing...

Keep going je t'aime ❤✨

It's hell when you write, hell when you don't.

Je ne sais pas bien si je vais pouvoir trouver les mots pour te communiquer à quel point cette vidéo me parle. Pendant toute la vidéo, j'étais genre "I'm feeling you, i'm feeling you in so many ways!!". Tu as su quelque part mettre les mots sur une sensation que j'ai depuis quelques mois (je pourrais peut-être même dire quelques années). Bien évidemment , tout n'est pas centré sur l'écriture dans mon cas (même si j'affectionne fortement écrire et que j'ai pu 'relate' sur plein de ces aspects) car nous sommes tous uniques en notre genre. Mais ça fait tellement du bien de savoir que je ne suis pas la seule à ressentir les choses de cette manière, que c'est légitime . Je sais que tu as posté cette vidéo en septembre et que peut-être (sûrement) tu n'es plus dans le même état d'esprit en ce moment mais, pour moi, ce fut le parfait timing pour la regarder (même si cette vidéo dormait dans mes "à regarder plus tard" depuis bien trop longtemps ^^') c'est comme un signe du destin. Cela fait des mois que mon moral n'est pas au top, je n'ai jamais été aussi triste de toute ma vie (courte vie car je n'ai que 19 ans) et ça sans aucune raison visible. Depuis quelques semaines ça va un peu mieux mais je suis comme tu le disais dans une sorte d'euthymie neutre, je ne ressens plus les émotions comme j'ai pu les ressentir avant. De plus, ma confiance en moi et mon estime de moi en ont bcp pâti et j'essaie de reconstruire tout cela comme je peux. J'ai toujours été quelqu'un de très enthousiaste, heureuse de vivre, qui apprécie les petits bonheurs et la beauté de la vie (tout en ayant un côté un peu "nerveux", "overthinking", se mettre la pression et être 'trop' dure envers soi-même). J'ai perdu de cette joie de vivre, comme tu as pu l'exprimer, j'ai aussi l'impression que la vie est dure à gérer, j'ai l'impression d'être submergée d'un rien, que ça me gâche mon plaisir de vivre (si c'est compréhensible ^^'). Bref, tout cela pour te dire que tu as su mettre les mots sur bcp de choses qui me concernent également et que ça m'a fait un bien fou. Merci! Merci d'exister et de nous partager un peu de toi! Tu m'as aidé sur plein de choses ds ma vie sans même le savoir et pour cela je te remercie Je t'envoie plein d'amour Prends soin de toi

Thank you Emy, I completeley understand you, it's like if you could describe and find the right words for this emptiness...

Hey anta. Ca va changer avec le rythme du boulot de prof dans le privé, si tu t'organises bien tu auras du temps pour toi

tu es trop belle. et j'aime beaucoup tes videos 💗

Je pense que tu prends les problèmes à l'envers en ce qui concerne l'écriture. Tu as une telle peur de ne pas être dans l'excellence que ça t'empêche de créer. Je peux totalement me retrouver dans tes paroles et cest pourquoi je me permets de t'adresser ce message. Détache toi de cette notion de performance castratrice. Retrouve la joie d'écrire juste pour toi, sans penser à qui pourrait lire ou apprécier. Quelques paragraphes, quelques courtes histoires pour expérimenter les styles et les formats. Enlève les attentes sur tes épaules et j'espère que tu retrouveras une liberté de créer. Si un jour tu dois être publiée ou partager en ligne tes écrits, ce sera alors une version plus authentique de ton ressenti que nous lierons. Mais si écrire te rends heureuse, ne fais pas l'impasse dessus :)

Oh, thank you so much for this video Emy. It resonates with me on so many levels. When you said: "I feel that maybe I took the wrong turn in some point in my life", you were saying exactly the same words which I wrote few days ago on my blog. And it makes me so sad and even angry, seeing you and other creative and talented people who cannot use their talent and make this world more beautiful because all the pressure from the society, which also includes all these ordinary tasks. I used to draw and paint a lot, I loved it. It was me and I know that in the depths of my heart and soul I'm an artist. But I didn't listen myself enough and I decided to study something else, I'm doing PhD. and probably academic career BUT although I like the field I'm doing, I know very well this is NOT me. And knowing this is so frustrating and it's also incredibly difficult to admit it. Paradoxically, I'm still attracting artistic people into my life whether they are my partners, friends or even situations related to art. I think that these are the small signs showing me what I really should do. But I don't know how. I feel blocked, paralyzed, afraid. So, I understand you. And I'll be one of the first person who will buy the book written by you. Meanwhile, I keep my fingers crossed for all of us, hoping that we will find our way...

I really appreciate your videos. I can relate to some of what you are going through with creativity and the complex relationship that can occur between creativity and mental illness/your emotional well being. I really hope you find your way back to writing somehow and fulfill your dream of publishing a book one day. And 26 is young by the way!! Take it from someone in their late 30s lol ;) But I know age is kind of a weird thing and it's totally valid that you are feeling 'old'. I feel like that all the time! And it can add this horrible time pressure to feelings you might already have about not 'fulfilling' a dream.. Anyway, thanks for sharing this x

You spoke my exact thoughts. I am a writer too, always have been. I stopped writing a lot around 19 too. I've also kind of lost the intense feelings of life. I don't feel so much anymore although I am happy? I've reached a stagnant point in life where like you, I am tired all the time. I work, go to school, and come home. My anxiety has stopped, it's not so persistent. I'm okay now and can't create either. I feel like falling in love is something that could push me to write more because of the intense emotion and fuel to write, not even because I want love! It's so fucking weird. I want to be published like you too and it's hard when I have nothing coming out of my pen anymore. The ink is dry. I know that I just need *discipline* because inspiration can't always push me. It's not a constant variable in life but discipline is! It's depressing and this video was so real and I love you for that. You're amazing, Antastesia. Thank you for this because you expressed MY thoughts. Here's to writing, my heartbeat and the reason I live. 💙

Thank you for sharing this. Honestly in a weird way a lot of the things you said resonated in me, even if my situation is a bit different. And what you said about liking writing and the IDEA of writing has opened a new path for thoughts in my mind : I feel like after watching your video I have progressed in my own chain of thoughts, I have found words for things I couldn't quite comprehend. So thank you, really. ♡ I love it when you give an insight of this part of you, one more personal but richer in the manifestation of human. did it make sens?

Je me reconnais énormément dans tes mots, dans ce lien assez étrange à la fiction, à la littérature, à l'imagination. Souvent je sens les mots tout proches, mais c'est comme s'ils s'évaporaient entre mon cerveau et le papier. Et en même temps j'ai toujours au fond de moi ce rêve de publier quelque chose de bien, ou en tout cas quelque chose qui me ressemble.

Je comprends parfaitement tout ce que tu ressens, j'ai vécu exactement la même chose après avoir eu mes tca mais avec le dessin. Je pense lorsque l'on a des problèmes on se concentre dessus et notre esprit n'est pas libre. En fait l'esprit est comme le corps si on l'utilise toute la journée pour certaines choses il n'est plus disponible pour penser à d'autres choses et notamment celle que l'on aime. Par ailleurs après mes tca j'ai perdu beaucoup de confiance en moi et forcément tout ce que je dessinait écrivais aussi me paraissait merdique mais en relisant et regardant mes oeuvres j'ai réalisé que non. Je pense pour ton cas peut être que poster des histoires sur des sites de fanfictions ou autres et voir les retours positifs pourraient peut être t'aider à réaliser que ton potentiel est toujours. Après il est normal que si on entraîne pas son esprit à imaginer pendant un long temps, on devient moins douée, ça se dégrade un peu mais avec du travail ça revient. J'avais un prof durant mes études d'art qui nous disais que lorsque l'on avait l'impression que notre imagination était à court le mieux était de se donner un temps pour juste rêver en fait. Je pense en étant adulte ces temps se font rare et notre imagination n'est plus entraînée. Pourquoi pas te prendre du temps un peu tout les jours juste pour toi te laisser un peu rêver et te reconnecter à toi même. Enfin je comprends que tout a soit un peu difficile ayant passé par la même épreuve.

coucou Emy. Dans mon école de peinture il y avait des gens de 30, 40, 50 ans qui recommençaient à 0. Je pense que tu sais au fond de toi ce que tu veux, c'est normal d'avoir peur, mais il faut y aller si c'est ce que te dit ta petite voix. Pour la créativité, simplement le fait d'avoir un taf "normal" prend énormément d'énergie, et pour quelqu'un comme toi (et moi), enfin des gens sensibles qui se font facilement submerger par le quotidien, c'est extrêmement difficile de cumuler les deux (perso même en faisant mon truc artistique à temps plein j'ai encore l'impression que cuisiner et faire la vaisselle et l'administratif me pompent mon énergie lol). Il faut avoir le temps et l'énergie mentale et physique pour pouvoir saisir les petits moments magiques du quotidien qui déclenchent souvent l'inspiration. A mon avis si tu trouves un jour un moyen de te vivre d'une façon qui te laisse plus de temps, dans un environnement où tu te sens bien, ton énergie pour écrire et ta plus grande sensibilité reviendront (quoique il y a aussi le problème du cynisme et des carapaces qui s'installent avec le temps et les désillusions, qui émoussent les émotions. Mais en s'entourant des bonnes personnes on peut se protéger en partie et se stimuler et se protéger mutuellement - elles ne sont pas forcément faciles à trouver ces personnes :)). Sinon alternativement tu attends qu'il t'arrive un gros choc émotionnel ou un évènement de vie qui sera trop fort pour ne pas avoir besoin de sortir par l'écriture. ça peut arriver n'importe quand aussi. En gros, l'inspiration peut frapper d'elle-même, mais elle a beaucoup plus de chances de venir si on lui fait de la place. Après avec les besoins financiers ce n'est pas forcément évident, mais il faut voir où se situe ton bonheur et ta santé mentale et émotionnelle par rapport aux demandes de la société. Mon mec vit du RSA et il sent souvent la pression pour se "réinsérer dans la société" mais il ne dépense jamais rien et garde sa liberté, parce que sinon il devient fou. Il a bossé normalement plusieurs années puis pété un gros plomb et tout lâché pour se consacrer à ce qui lui tenait vraiment à coeur. Je pense que c'était un peu une question de survie. Pas forcément idéal hein mais il y a plein d'entre deux et il faut voir ce qu'on met dans la balance. Même en gardant un taf de prof à mi temps par exemple c'est possible d'écrire je pense. En essayant de choper des résidences d'écriture de temps en temps pour avoir des moments pendant lesquels on peut se concentrer à 100% dessus. Et puis il faut laisser tomber le perfectionnisme et savoir s'exposer (ce que tu sais très bien faire par ailleurs, te livrer, peut-être que ce truc d'écriture est beaucoup plus lié à ton estime de toi et ton identité profonde et que du coup c'est une plus grosse vulnérabilité/ouverture au jugement potentielle). Tu peux aussi publier des trucs sous un autre pseudo. Même des petites choses. Perso j'ai eu un moment très peur de perdre mes émotions, et comme toi avant j'avais des gros hauts et des gros bas, souvent j'ai l'impression que je n'ai gardé que les bas (lol), mais en fait en changeant mon environnement et mon cercle d'amis je retrouve en partie mes vraies joies et moments créatifs. Bon courage!!!! N'hésite pas si tu veux en parler via facebook ou autre.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be published and recognized. When you talk about creativity I get a feeling you think that published authors were super creative, but when I listen to published writers it seems 90% of the work was achieved by discipline and more of a craft than the divine appointment =) And it is NEVER TOO LATE (hearing this from someone so young is making me sad) All the best to You, You will find your way =)

I just turned 30 and get everything you're saying. I always drew and wrote since I was able to. For me it was drawing. I took 1 year of art school for university and dropped out. After years of indecision I got a b.a. in literature. I love literature. I was good enough to be an artist, I still feel like I should be painting, but when I sit down to do it...nothing. Like you I feel like I felt so much when I was younger that it's all drained away and now I have nothing, Not even the same depression that gave me inspiration, just the depression that takes what you love away. That stuff you said about writing about those little moments that are special for some reason, please write about that. I got chills just hearing you talk about it. One of the reasons I don't write is I feel like....popular books are not what I like to read or what I would write. But there is still a large audience for the type of writing you're talking about. Try just writing for the sake of it. Just to get in the habit. Worry about "perfecting" it after you get a good habit. Don't let the numbness take it all away. It's your life, fight for what you want. Even if the fight is with yourself.

Plein de soutien et d'amour.

I get what you're saying about wanting to be a writer. I do the same when it comes to photography. I crave the external validation, and I romanticize being a photographer. I want to be a photographer. I want some degree of fame, I want my work to live on, I want to make a mark (however small) on history. My ego wants it. But yeah, the mental illnesses come in the way and sap all fun out of it. But I treasure the moments of creative clarity, however short they may be. Oh that smokey smell you talked about. I love it! It's wood-burning stoves or fireplaces, probably. For me it signifies the approach of Autumn. Thanks for sharing. I was painting a watermelon using water colors while the video was playing :)

Thanks a lot for sharing. C'est ton plus beau partage en ligne, merci. J'adore tes vidéos sur le féminisme, veganisme, anti-racisme etc. Mais je réalise qu'en ce moment le monde a besoin d'émotions et de sincérité, il en manque bien plus que d'informations.

This is so relatable to my situation.. I am struggling to continue my RU-vid channel because I feel like I have lost my creativity compared to the past few years.. yet I still call myself a RU-vidr is strange. :/ Thank you for sharing this.

Je me reconnais totalement dans ce que tu dis sur l'écriture

Je me sens très proche de toi Emy. J écrivais énormément quand j étais petite et je suis devenue beaucoup trop critique à l adolescence. J'ai repris l écriture vers 20 ans Mais ca n à pas duré longtemps. Cela fait plus d un an que j ai l idée d un roman qui me fascine ainsi que deux trois nouvelles Mais je ne m y mets pas.... pourtant quel bonheur d écrire, comme tu dis c est un état high comme une transe...Mais il y a l autocritique, il y a la vie qui se met en travers avec ses contraintes et plus superficiellement les occupations chronophages (series, internet...) qui me divertissent mais me laissent peu de temps. J'ai un peu d espoir cependant de renouer avec ma créativité cette année, j ai commence un journal créatif et je veux reprendre le théâtre. On verra bien. Je suis étonnée d apprendre que tu n'as que 26 ans, pour moi tu n as qu un an de plus que moi et l air si mature! Je t embrasse fort!

I felt like you do for writing, but for drawing. I'm 26 too and I felt I lost my chance and that was it. But then I realized I'm the youngest I can ever be, every moment I wait will make me older. I'll start studying illustration in october and teachers at the school told me I'm still super young, that there's time. Some of those teachers started studying in their late 20s and now work in the field. It's of course harder, terrifying but there's time, we still have the chance to go back to what really fuelled us, what made us feel alive and satisfied, those part that life shut away because of fear, everyday tasks and so on. I know it's super hard and I'm afraid too but it's worth it. And it's not a matter of finding a job, it's a matter of happiness.

Merci Emy

Ni! So, I may be entirely wrong, but I watched Cinzia's video after watching yours and I feel that there's something both of you have talked about but didn't name it: vanity. It doesn't simply mean measuring yourself by the approval of others, but also unconsciously wishing to control them, that they ought to appreciate the good and beautiful things you do - and how often for their sake! Ultimately this is an affirmation of power over them, and works hand in hand with you not feeling sure about yourself, presenting itself as a false solution. In any case, it is really cool to see a video like this and think together. Even if what I say doesn't make any sense to you, it does to me and watching your video helped me revisit these ideas. (A while back I've had to deal with a monstruous vanity that disguised itself as something virtuous and beautiful.) Now, another thing, I just can't help myself from pointing this out... you're 26, you've read books (and seems you've written as well) and you've traveled places and you've fought for good and for yourself and you have plenty of stories to tell, plus you've been actually telling them. And you're still only 26. Gosh, I am 37 and I can't deny to myself that in all likelihood I still have most of my life ahead of me. For all we know, every thing we did up to now might have been just a taste of it, only the beginning. Be patient, just don't lose sight of the goals you set. Then, last and least, make sure your fatigue is not medical; it could be something wrong with the machine, like anemia, b12, hormones etc. This has happened to me and it felt really silly when I finally figured it out (oh I was sure I had enough b12). In short, take care, you're worth your weight in books. .~´

Steven pressfield has some books on this kind of problems. Maybe helpful.

Ow I totally understand...

Pour moi il est important de partir de l'idée/des idées et non de l'envie d'être publiée, sinon tu vas forcément te bloquer avec une envie de perfection. Tu écris ce que tu peux, et tu arrangeras les choses ensuite, surtout que tu dis écrire bien de suite donc il y a pas de soucis et je suis sure que tu as des idées ;) Après peut être n'as tu pas trouvé le bon moment dans ta journée pour écrire ? Ensuite, par rapport aux émotions, tu peux peut être essayer de les "recréer" avec certaines musiques. Perso quasiment toutes mes idées sont nées d'une alliance entre une grande solitude et la musique, et quand je réécoute ces musiques même dans les moments où je ne me sens pas déprimée, je retrouve les émotions associées... Je te conseille une méthode que j'ai commencé à utiliser récemment et qui marche plutôt bien: pour construire un livre, je note mes différentes idées sur des petits papiers que je classe et mets dans une enveloppe, comme ça direct quand j'ai une idée, je l'écris et je vois où elle peut aller. A la fin ça me donne un plan, une ligne directrice pour écrire, ça cadre le truc, ça me met en confiance, ça me rassure. Cette méthode est beaucoup plus rapide et accessible que d'écrire sur ordinateur pour moi car les idées peuvent venir à n'importe quel moment. Tu as aussi les challenges comme le Nanowrimo qui va commencer, que tu connais surement, et qui peut te booster, te forcer à t'y mettre et à dépasser tes craintes et tes propres barrières mentales, je vais y participer pour écrire un roman dont j'ai terminé le plan récemment =) Enfin, ça n'a rien à voir et en même temps si, il y a une youtubeuse que j'aimais beaucoup qui est morte d'un cancer cette année, elle avait peur d'écrire, de se lancer, elle s'est finalement lancée pendant le Nano et est morte sans avoir pu publier son roman, mais, elle a pu finir son ébauche, elle a couché ses idées de A à Z et elle en était très fière et heureuse, de se dire qu'elle l'a fait jusqu'au bout :)

Si un jour tu te fais un compte wattpad ça serai super cool !

Torturée la demoiselle 😂😂

*Vou assistir!* :D *Do you know what I said? Just letting you curious. Welcome back!*

Please give credit to your feelings. Your feelings are yours and are legit. You're not selfish? Like at all? You are a sooo deep person. You are your art and of course you feel bad not doing it. So just do it the way you feel. You feel bad already anyway, could be hardly worse, right? Allow yourself to be yourself.

You speak English very well 😃

I love u

Je me sens pareille depuis ma dépression il y a quatre ans... Je ne sais pas si c'est parce que je suis peut-être toujours dépressive ? Anyway merci pour cette vidéo ❤

Write and publish small paragraphs, or poems as podcasts here :)

same. exactly the same. de A à Z. oups...

hii :)

What you are disclosing here is not weird at all. In fact there is a very deep and important question here, why is it so important to WRITE and be read, why does it not feel enough to make these videos that thousands of people watch with greatest interest? Many of us who would wish they would make this kind of videos and do not accomplish that. You do, why does it no satisfy you, why is it that expressing yourself in writing would? You are experiencing and facing a deeply human desire here, which is very difficult to explain. I thought a lot about this without coming up with a final answer. I think too, that being a writer (who is being published and read) is the best you can do with your life. But that is not what I've become, I am forty years older than you are, so ... at least it was my profession to teach literature, I had the privilege to discuss it with students (and still have it for a couple of hours a week). Not the real thing, but still better than doing anything else to earn money, when for whatever reason you do not write yourself ...

Salut Antastesia, Il est question de toi dans cette vidéo, à toi de jouer : ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-IMkuNTQ3SHU.html

I adore your channel but this white framing is so cruel to the eyes😣🙈 just no..