Should We Divorce Over His Alcoholism?

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Should We Divorce Over His Alcoholism?
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5 июл 2024

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Комментарии : 153

@Cathy-xi8cb 2 года назад

Addiction is a nightmare. Anyone who leaves an addict is doing it because they have to. Not because they don't care or aren't strong.

@TxHoneyBee Год назад

@@samia6888 Yup! The day I tried to leave for real, he got his third DUI, and I felt that was his rock bottom, that I could help him, take him to church, etc... after that. Surprise, he confessed that he still wants to drink after he gets out of jail for the vehicular assault- cause he's facing real jail time after injuring another driver this time around. This man used to make fun of me for crying when I saw him drive drunk and would beg him to stop. He was awful.

@laurae8324 Год назад

As the oldest daughter of a mean alcoholic, please get a divorce. Your children deserve better.

@om617yota8 2 года назад

I grew up with an alcoholic mom, and a dad who refused to leave her. This put us kids through absolute hell. Don't feel guilty about leaving, don't feel guilty about protecting your kids. You didn't choose to leave, he chose the bottle over his family. This is 100% on him.

@Cookieboy70 2 года назад

I suppose until death do us part is an antiquated notion?

@om617yota8 2 года назад

@@Cookieboy70Not antiquated. Till death do us part was a ridiculous and abusive notion from the very beginning. Many people have stayed in horrible relationships just because of that nonsense. Maybe the alcoholic should choose their family over the bottle.

@UnAnonKnown 2 года назад

@@Cookieboy70 There are a lot of vows that go into marriage before the “till death do us part” one. One of the vows is that they will love and cherish each other … chances are if one partner has an addiction that’s severe enough, they are no longer loving and cherishing their other partner properly … and therefore the vows are already broken.

@camcam221133 2 года назад

Same thing until my mom left him. Shes still an alcoholic and she gave my dad the best gift of a normal life by leaving him.

@Sammy12346 Год назад

I left my alcoholic husband 3 weeks ago. I have some guilt over it because of the kids. They are 3 and 4. He told me that breaking up the family is bad for the kids.

@9liveslisa 2 года назад

I left my husband because of drinking. I found Al-Anon really helpful and I'm not a group person. I went for about a year. Many people stayed with their spouses, but after that year, I knew I had to cut him loose so he could find his own way and live his own life. I couldn't fix it and he didn't want to change. Good luck to you and your kids.

@mmp495 2 года назад

Al-Anon opened my eyes to unhealthy codependent relationships, healthy boundaries and gave me hope. Great program. 🙏🙏🙏

@melissam7067 2 года назад

i met a very nice man a few years ago. when i realized he drank a 6+ pack of beer every day i was concerned. he was so sweet though. and decent and kind. and worked a full time job. but when he started picking on me, saying small but unkind things, that was it. i was done. but im older, late 40's if i was in my 20's im not sure how i would have handled

@lynnebucher6537 2 года назад

Smart move. It starts with small, unkind comments, and escalates from there. They test the waters by starting small, and groom you to tolerate abuse, then increase the abuse levels over time.

@TxHoneyBee Год назад

@@lynnebucher6537 Yup! My ex fiance did this to the T. He used to mock me when I cried after watching him drive drunk and begged him to stop drinking. Not long after that, he got his third DUI, and now he's facing jail, having hit and injured another driver this time around. I had to run to save myself.

@bellaw.8630 9 дней назад

My husband is like this. Covert emotional abuse.

@carnivoreRon 2 года назад

I agree with Dr Laura Schlessinger. The 3 things that justify a divorce: Adultery, abuse and addiction. She needs to get the divorce over with. She may finally realize she cannot change him!!!!!

@michaelwoods4495 2 года назад

I'd add abandonment unless you include it in one of your causes of divorce.

@rachelkruse9087 2 года назад

@@michaelwoods4495 when I divorced, a pastor told me that adultery was a form of abandonment, and abandonment is the biblical reason to leave. I think all three reasons mentioned are a form of abandonment. Physical and emotional abuse often stems from addiction.

@saribrown7156 2 года назад

It has taken her plenty of years to notice that a marriage or having kids will not remove an addiction.

@nathansimpson5721 Год назад

the Powder Puff Girls of broken homes

@WVgirl1959 5 месяцев назад

😂😂😂😂😂 that woman is a joke. After I first got married at 30, I soon realized that my husband wanted to drink and go out every night. Sometimes on the weekend he went to work but he took his beer with him. He may have been going to the bar as far back then. After a surgical resident told me of her show, in 1990 I called into her radio show. At the time I was pregnant and my father was dying of esophageal cancer. I explained we were in our early thirties and all he wanted to do was go out and get drunk. Boy was I surprised when she began berating me, to the point she had me sobbing on the radio show. She said he's young, let him go out and party every night. I could not believe it! I had the phone on speaker because I worked for surgery and Trauma services at the time and some of the residents wanted to listen in. We were all shocked that she said that! Well, 35 years later it's just as bad as it was then because I took her advice. Our two children grew up without a father and although hubby works, he goes from work to the bar every day. Our son is an alcoholic. I am the one that does everything from our taxes to our maintenance, but now I'm thinking about ending this lonely nightmare. At least if I lived on my own I could do anything I wanted to my own house. Through it all I loved him even when he wouldn't stay with me when my father was dying and I was in my third trimester. My sister-in-law took care of our daughter while I sat in the room with my dad. My husband even had a hangover and didn't get out of bed in time for us to get over to see my dad open his last gifts. I have given my husband three surprise birthday parties but I don't even get a gift. But that's for any event unless I purchase it myself. He was supposed to come home from work to help with the grandbabies room but he didn't. When he came home I was sobbing, he told me the next day he never noticed it. So, I think it is time, more than time

@kennethhall9202 2 года назад

Growing up With an alcoholic parent Is hell don’t expose your kids to this .

@sharons5714 Год назад

I divorced an alcoholic, and it was the smartest thing I ever did. I met a wonderful man and had a marriage that was 180 degrees from the first one. My only regret was I stayed as long as I did.

@samia6888 Год назад

Everything happens for a reason. If you got out earlier maybe you would have met someone else and not have close to the awesome marriage with that wonderful man you are with. Never beat yourself for it because it is so hard to leave.

@sharons5714 Год назад

Thank you, you could be right

@michaelwoods4495 2 года назад

She can't change him, but he can change himself if he wants to. I did; my little brother didn't. He's 73 so it's probably permanent for him. When I drank, I mostly just fell asleep. People who misbehave are a different situation. I still want a drink once in while but it comes less frequently, passes quickly, and gets easier with time. "Resist the devil and he will flee from you."

@mmp495 2 года назад

She is living the hardest part being on the fence separated for 3 years! Divorce will feel liberating and free. Prayers and best wishes to her and her kids❤❤🙏❤

@imabadasse8469 2 года назад

He doesn't believe he needs to change. Game over.

@naokihasegawa9243 2 года назад

If insurance is the first thing you mention as to why you’re not divorced, it’s time to get divorced

@emilytaylor1001 7 месяцев назад

I came from family were my dad was alcaholic, mom choose to stay with him for 10 years. It damaged my brain so i was coodependant and married alcaholic too. After 12 years i asked my partner to leave me and kids. I was preparing for this leave for a year. I was so afraid of my alcaholic partner, as i did not had selfworth, confidance, i completely lost myself. I finally built a courage and Self worth. I am aware of WHY it happened and WHY i stayed so long with him. Life is much better. Thanks to professionals who guided me Through this healing process. 🙏🦋❤️😊

@heathdc9367 2 года назад

Caller I would highly recommend attending an Al-Anon meeting. As crazy as it sounds, with the help of this program many people have found sanity and serenity despite if the alcoholic is still drinking or not. I'm not saying to stay with him or divorce him as that's ultimately up to you, but this program is definitely for you. Please consider this! If you are reading this and are affected by a loved one's alcoholism find an Al-Anon meeting. You are not alone and will find people in similar situations that offer their experience, strength, and hope.

@suek7086 2 года назад

Alanon saved my sanity and my marriage. I don't say to say but you need to get the help for yourself. Please.

@Jacgemini 2 года назад

Being with an alcoholic is very difficult. I left my ex-husband because of it. He was driving after having a few. I didn’t want him bringing me down with him if he got a DUI. I tried to talk to him. I tried to help and realize I can not. HE can only help himself. His personality changed if he drank hard liquor. He once slammed his fist through the wall during an argument. What if I was next? I also learned you cannot ever reason with a drunk. So I left and got a divorce immediately. I’m so much happier now.

@lynnebucher6537 2 года назад

Life with an alcoholic is untenable. She should divorce and close out this chapter. She's still taking care of him instead of letting him suffer the consequences of his actions. She may also have concerns about buying out his equity in the house.

@TexasGirl1633 2 года назад

Addicts never see that they have created the issue. I divorced (no kids) because he became addicted to pain killers. He got in an accident one night going to pick up our dinner and I knew it was a matter of time before he killed someone and I would be held liable. He had been fired from his job due to his addiction and had not worked for a few years. Divorcing him was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but you can get through it. You cannot make him get help….he has to hit rock bottom. You and your kids deserve better!

@Thesussysuscat 2 года назад

Women marry men thinking they will change and they don't. Men marry women thinking they won't change and they do.

@samia6888 Год назад

So true.

@zacharymoore9596 Месяц назад

“In sickness and in health” if they recognize they have a problem and are willing to make changes, remind him on the way the condition alters his brain if he slips up, remind him he can’t drink and think. Remind him it alters his body chemistry and he can’t control himself on the substance. I got sober, relapsed 5 months later. My wife caught me a few months into it and drove me to a detox, but I’m a rare breed that knows I have a problem, I just thought I could handle it. I know I can’t. Gaining wisdom through experience, it takes what it takes.

@purpleviolet207 2 года назад

Prayers for this lady and her family!💜🙏💜🙏💜🙏💜🙏💜

@nataliak1922 8 месяцев назад

It is literally my story but for a year now. We staying together bc of the insurance etc and the illusion that someday we’ll be together bc “he’ll possibly change” I also have 2 kids I’m struggling to make a step towards the divorce but I know it’s the right thing to do. Also some people stay married bc they are scared of an addict that they can hurt them when they we’ll want to finally move on for the good. Very tough situation I feel for the caller bc I feel exactly the same as she

@TxHoneyBee Год назад

I broke up with my alcoholic ex fiance. He got his third DUI while we were together (two before we met). He was a liar and cheater. He drove drunk with me in the car when I was pregnant. I had an abortion because I and the unborn were unsafe around him. I tried to reconcile with him, but he still kept drinking. We broke up, and then he tried to sleep with his neighbor. I asked for my things back, and he got into his third DUI accident on his way to bring my things. He hit another driver. I still tried to help him, took him to church, and tried to help him get sober- helped him find a rehab center, tried to help him find God and ask for forgiveness. He confessed that he still wanted to drink after all of this, after all the pain alcohol has caused. I think alcohol and alcoholism possesses people to be evil. His corrupt was morally corrupt. I had to leave to save myself. I want to meet a normal man one day and have a family. I'm about to buy a house this year, and I feel blessed to have escaped that abusive relationship.

@BrD4GOD 2 года назад

I love the clips version of your show. Keep em comin!

@tacooflove6175 2 года назад

The clips note version is awesome 😂

@MoveForwardMMA 2 года назад

Sure helps you listen to the parts you want!

@FreeSpirit47 2 месяца назад

As someone who had a raging alcoholic father & an emotionally ill mother, I left their home as soon as I could at age 18. The damage done to my siblings is still apparent. I got my younger sister out, yet she still suffered from the effects, she & my younger brother both died at young ages. Both of my parents also died young.

@marlenebtagelman2451 2 года назад

As long as she has the sons, she does not need to sell the house.

@kathleenberg9168 2 года назад

I left because of a gambling addiction.

@alladreamwedreamed 2 года назад

Honey you deserve that house, you're raising your family in it. Your estranged husband has chosen alcohol over you and the kids. You gave him long enough. He decided not to change or get treatment. Time to throw this fish back, it ain't enough to feed ya.

@sebastien6530 2 года назад

So she deserves the house? How about sell it and split it

@gabedelgadillo6811 2 года назад

@@sebastien6530 Kids need a place to live not a house that exposes him to debt for decades. Give me a break.

@aprilm2664 2 года назад

I WOULD NEVER HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH A DRINKER,JUST DONT NEED THAT PROBLOM

@sebastien6530 2 года назад

@@gabedelgadillo6811 so you put it all on the guy? They can get a different place to live with half the money

@gabedelgadillo6811 2 года назад

@@sebastien6530 that's what I was stating. I'm against this, just give it all to the mom bs.

@georgesontag2192 Год назад

Leave an abusive spouse, leave a cheating spouse, leave an alcoholic spouse. Leave a drug addict. Dont leave because he doesnt put the toilet seat up.

@reynavalo6201 Месяц назад

With any substance abuse comes an abusive relationship,but what if that spouse is on medications and trynna fight back his addictions but trips and falls sometimes,gets abusive at those times but he's improving. Will you still leave them?

@lovebeauty.7039 Год назад

I go through the same thing. I left my husband because the drinking problem. It's really hurt to leave him but I have too.

@TheAgentmigs 2 года назад

She knew he had a problem and still have 2 kids with em? Yeah idk about that decision.

@kensmith2796 Год назад

It's odd the life decisions some people make. My sister is not an alcoholic. Yet, she is drawn to alcoholic men. Our parents never drank, so I don't understand why she always chooses to partner off with drunks.

@samia6888 Год назад

@@kensmith2796 were your parents yelling at her when she did something wrong. Was she walking on eggshells? Were they emotionally unavailable? Some of these can mimic the actions of alcoholic without any alcohol involved. This can be why she is drawn to them, not because of the alcohol itself but because of the way they act when they are under the influence that feels familiar for her.

@kensmith2796 Год назад

@@samia6888 Thank you for your comment. That is very interesting. I've never thought of it that way. But, yes, I can definitely see some similarities in her situation.

@aneatrice28 Год назад

Did she say he’s been an alcoholic since she met him? People do change.

@patranizers4587 2 года назад

Legally dissolve the marriage - if he hit a person while drunk driving - or got in a terrible financial mess - you could be liable. Your kids don't need to be pulled into all this drama - it's psychology toxic and you don't want them to think this is a "normal" expectation of marriage. Please use common sense for you and your kids sake.

@frankish5314 2 года назад

Its not "Could".. You ARE legally liable for any debts and if he hurts someone you WILL be on the hook and your insurance may not pay out!

@kc-il4sb Год назад

I was just going to say “talk to lawyer today” don’t be liable if he hits someone and they sue. Protect your children always.

@samia6888 Год назад

Not to mention if he picks the kids up one day and God forbid gets into an accident. Get out with your kids as quickly and safely as you can.

@salmon3345 3 месяца назад

I was with a functioning alcoholic for about 2 years and it was a nightmare! I finally had to end it because she lied about the drinking all the time. The life of an addict. Almost like a codependent alcoholic relationship. It was hard to leave!

@cassl1612 2 года назад

It’s likely if he’s struggling with addiction he can access Medicaid in many states. If he’s working, he needs to obtain his own policy through his employer.

@zeal4god402 2 года назад

Don't attempt to intoxicate the pain way, praise the pain away!

@valerieodonnell6764 9 месяцев назад

Providing his insurance is making it too comfortable for him. He is an adult and he can figure out his own insurance. I don’t buy it as the reason she isn’t divorcing him. She hasn’t accepted and moved on yet.

@frankcardano4142 2 года назад

She has to leave permanently in order for him to stop what he’s doing. That’s how it goes.

@sobeliever1638 2 года назад

Stop dating and marrying people with serious problems

@cwgoodrich 3 месяца назад

I know this sounds silly, but I used to drink 6-8 beers, or more, per day, then I started grinding my own flour and would make my own bread and pizzas. In fact, if the recipe called for flour, I grind it. Have not had, or wanted one, since then. I watched a video by Sue Becker called ONLY REAL BREAD. I wasn’t trying to quit. It just happened after I started grinding my own flour. Told you it was to sound silly. 0:03 0:03

@marthas.4456 2 месяца назад

Lovely story ❤ Good on you. Sometimes just finding a good hobby makes us quit a dangerous addiction.

@kitchensink7345 23 дня назад

Married 6 years, we have a beautiful 3 year old daughter and my wife has a healthy 10 year old, she has him Monday after school to Friday morning. Yesterday I had to work 10 hrs and needed to stay later due to an attempted break in. My wife went to a charity golf game (she’s never golfed before) she finished at 1:30, called to tell me she was going to get food with her golf team. I called her at 4 to let her know I’d be late, she was at the local bar. I asked her if she was drinking, she said no, but had just ordered a beer. I told her she can’t drink as she had to drive her son to his soccer game at 6pm. I came home at 5pm as my wife still hadn’t come home and my mother had been watching them since the morning and wanted to go home for dinner. I went to the bar at 530 and my wife was happy to see me, I walked up and she had a full beer, our neighbor who she went with was drunk as well. I looked at her and asked “how are you going to drive Carson to his game?” I tuned and started walking out and the neighbor said “calm down this is your wife’s fun day”. My wife came home at 6 after they had to get another neighbor to come get them. Wife went straight up stairs and passed out at around 630. Only thing she said to me, “thank you” this morning. wtf not even a sorry and we can talk about it. I told her she needs to apologize to her son and talk to him. Oh and the past weekend she worked at the bar restaurant until 1030 but didn’t come home till 3am.

@Thesussysuscat 2 года назад

Also america in a nutshell we are still Married because of health insurance.

@sobeliever1638 2 года назад

Not I

@ineedhoez Год назад

Lmaooo

@xhaltsalute 2 года назад

To help her guilt I would offer him an addiction program by such and such a date, then if not, file for divorce.

@Thesussysuscat 2 года назад

If he can't change by now walk away baby girl

@barbiesergio7663 6 месяцев назад

The courts will still give this guy 50/50 custody.

@user-dq4if6fd1m 5 месяцев назад

Fighting this bullshit now!!

@alexandralowder4680 Год назад

How can I contact you? I’m dealing with a lot with my husband.

@aprilporter770 Месяц назад

I left my alcoholic ex husband 2 years ago. No regrets at all. He is constantly relapsing

@araineacutebrownnurse7315 2 года назад

Why do ppl stay married but separated for so long omg

@kensmith2796 Год назад

Probably money reasons for many of them. I used to know a woman long ago who was a very high income earner and she was married to a man who was also very wealthy. They lived on opposite sides of the country for many, many years. She never divorced because she wanted to save face. She would talk about her husband and act as though things were completely normal. She never dated anyone else, she just didn't want to live her life as a divorced woman.

@chocovanille5809 2 года назад

My question is do women knowingly marry an alcoholic and expect him to change or is alcoholism something that caught up with the marriage?

@starlingswallow 2 года назад

It's normal for people, men and women, to downplay red flags when they are in love (the chemicals 😞)...and to think "once we are married, it will change, he/she will change for me because they love me" It's self-gaslighting, minimizing reality. It happens a lot. It happened to me 😞

@chocovanille5809 2 года назад

@@starlingswallow I believe that is what happens most of the time and it usually backfires

@thegamergame3851 2 года назад

They ignore the red flags and think it will change.

@chocovanille5809 2 года назад

@@thegamergame3851 thats what i think too

@djpuplex 2 года назад

Looks, money, status, security.

@dorcasmalorcas Месяц назад

Hey everyone, can you explain to me what I'm missing here please? It seems to me that this couple is separated, and one of the couple is doing a very noble thing by keeping him on her health insurance. Considering he's already sick, and not being insured in the US could mean bankruptcy, lack of medical care or death, this seems to me to be very noble of the lady. As long as there are no new spouses, this seems like a good situation. They are living separately, the relationship is over, so I don't really see the problem with doing this one act for the father of her children. He told her she was parenting this guy but they're living separately for 3 years and the kids see him a few hours a week. How could Deloney assume the ex still thinks they're gonna get back together?? Also, Deloney totally ignored her query regarding telling the children about her DUI.

@frankish5314 2 года назад

Just watched my BIL drink himself to death 3 days ago! Everything this guy ever touched turned to crap. Destroyed relationships and left a trail of destruction even in death! No will, no POA, family on the hook for funeral costs. A more pathetic human being I have yet to meet.. So sad. All you can do is draw boundaries. Lived with his Mom into his early 50's rent free. Mom enabled his bad choices to the very end. But of course he was in control and he knew what was doing... Such a stinking waste.

@kensmith2796 Год назад

My BIL is also an alcoholic and very similar to what you described. My sister married him 30 years ago. He's been unemployed the entire time and has been reckless with her money. Fortunately, she makes a lot and is able to absorb the financial disasters he creates. I, honestly, won't be upset when he drinks himself to death.

@Lil-Whiskies 2 месяца назад

Don't worry about his medical insurance or any of his problems, because he isn't worried about your problems. You may have told him to leave, but he's been gone for awhile, maybe for the whole marriage. That's how alcoholics roll.

@alexwyler4570 2 года назад

Third DUI? He should be in prison, not to punish him but to force him to become sober, let his robot brain learn what is like not to have alcohol for 2 ? years- psychologist should have good statistics how long it takes to retrain the robot brain. Why is the legal system waiting for him to kill some innocent family before putting him in prison? Third DUI, obviously, his thinking brain is now highjacked by his robot alcoholic brain and he will not stop driving drunk.

@djpuplex 2 года назад

She doesn't want to sell the house and give him his portion, she just waiting for him to die. Harsh but true.

@karenjones8713 Год назад

She deserves the house, the home.

@djpuplex Год назад

@@karenjones8713 Spoken like a true Karen.

@georgesontag2192 Год назад

The judge will make sure she only has to give him a small amount for her getting the house. The judge will deduct $25,000 from his equity for alimony, the judge will deduct from his retirement savings, the judge will deduct from his equity if she drives a cheaper car than her husband. In other words, the judge will give her the house and now the husband will drink more because he lives above a run down bar. This happens even if the husband was sober and a good guy.

@deded1057 9 месяцев назад

Not likely. She knows it could literally be 25 years from now when the alcohol finally kills him. How many drinks do we all know that are "old"??? More than a few!

@jeffyeager4045 3 месяца назад

I drink daily and my wife loves me and I work 2 jobs and take care of my family

@afcaton1 2 года назад

Key thing to note is the woman saying "being the person that he is right now no", so if he stopped drinking she would return??? It amazes me that these people call into a show hoping for a quick 10 min answer that will solve thier lifes problems instead of getting real help. Geez

@teeduck 2 года назад

90% of adults have had a drink in their life.

@sobeliever1638 2 года назад

And........

@samia6888 Год назад

Not everyone who drinks is an alcoholic so not sure what you mean by that.

@TheAck201 2 года назад

What is she doing or saying that is causing him to drink? John how about you ask her that?

@alleykeosheyan4779 2 года назад

Why? She didn't cause it, she can't control it, and she can't cure it. Read your Al-Anon!

@strnglhld 2 года назад

I need a drink after reading this comment

@avilla4013 2 года назад

At this point it's too late for that. He needs to get it together for himself first and then for his family

@camcam221133 2 года назад

Causing him 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

@ineedhoez Год назад

It is irrelevant.

@KeatonDee 2 года назад

He didn’t hit her or cheat on her. They have some verbal arguments over his drinking so she kicked him out. When asked if she’d take him back if he cleaned himself up she said no. I think there’s more to this story and she may have something to do with it.

@ineedhoez Год назад

No. When you are emotionally healthy, any amount of toxicity is acceptable.

@samia6888 Год назад

You don’t need to hit someone or cheat on them for the relationship to be toxic and bad for you. It was something I also learned myself because I thought cheating and hitting me was the ONLY dealbreakers.

@samia6888 Год назад

Also Alcoholism can be a lifelong thing, like she will have to live her life wondering if or when he might relapse and that is stress in and of itself. It’s exhausting. She can like leave and be with someone who doesn’t have this problem. It’s sad but not everyone can handle it.