This right here is the most important lesson in modern day dating, in my opinion. It really is so simple, yet so many of us get hung up on what we’re “allowed” or “supposed” to do. Just model the behavior you want to see! And if your partner isn’t “dancing” with you, then he’s not the right one.
@@hawaiigirl8089 then he wasn’t the right one, was he? If someone feels like their “toes were stepped on” because you showed too much interest or acted in a way they weren’t wanting to reciprocate, then they’re not on the same page with you with what they want and they’re not right for you.
Quit hating on this guy some of us didn't have healthy parents to explain standards and if he's able to help anybody find their worth - this video was worth being made
Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix- Safe People by Henry Cloud Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin 8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman defines the blueprint of healthy relationships The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer I Hear You by Michael Singer Boundaries by Henry Cloud Ken Reid clinician has informative podcasts on attachment styles. Know yourself and your attachment style.
After I went to your virtual seminar last year, I learned so much. I spent some time working on myself so that i could attract the right type of guys and learn what my needs are in a relationship. I stopped with entertaining guys who played games, and now I'm 5 months into my first healthy relationship with the most humble, loving guy who gave me a promise ring and are already planning our future together. My advice to you single ladies. Spend some time by yourself. Learn what you like and what you don't like. What are your non- negotiables values and future goals while dating. Show them how you want to be treated by the way you treat them. Ask important questions without downplaying your intentions. Lead with your heart and ask yourself, " How do I feel around this person?" You are never too much for the right person. Good luck, girlies 💜✨️
Great short, and indeed a very true lesson to learn. I understand that things like this make dating feel like a game, however I would argue that tips like these actually help us become better people. There's someone I like at the moment, we get on fine and have spoken a few times, but recently I texted her with a little more intent, try and meet up, get the ball rolling. No reply. Tried again a few days later, still nothing. The implication here- as tough as it is to admit- is that she's simply not attracted to me in the same way. It's a real pity, but frankly the worst thing I can do now is undervalue myself, and keep trying to chase her. It really is only going to make me look needy and desperate. It sucks, but I simply have to accept the situation for what is is, and move on to whatever comes next. When I finally do meet someone who likes me back, I will know because they will invest in me the same way I invest in them. Until then it's all about enjoying my own life as I am, and keeping myself open to whatever that next opportunity to find someone might be
I dont see it as a "mind game", I see it as a logical experiment gathering data. But if a person is just going to give up and prefers pets... please evaluate yourself, so that pet ownership is healthy for the pets and doesn't turn into unintentional mistreatment (like hoarding).
I learned to match energy/effort. I never go the extra mile for anyone who doesn’t do the same for me. My motto is quid pro quo. Life is a two way street. And when I notice that they are playing games, I go grey rock and cut them off. No need to entertain that bs.
Thank you! I did your retreat 2022 in Florida. YOUR advice has helped transform my life.. let go of old baggage and learned how to create expectations and boundaries. Most importantly! I am worth those expectations and boundaries! From the bottom of my heart, thank you!!
People went to dances or bars dancing or roller skating and met that way. Or they’d walk up to a restaurant or a library or a video game arcade and meet face to face that way. Yep! Miss those days!
It always takes two to tango.... sometimes ones tired and takes a break but as long as they are upfront about it then you too can take a step back. Meet up again and if there is a need for less dancing then you know where you stand.
I am currently dating someone and everything seems so easy and fluffy. And I am sure its mainly bcs I am still prioritising myself. Its a dance but I know that I will be able to dance with myself as well if it doesn’t work out. I would say that confidence is the key 🙏🏼
This is such a valuable content because it is so true, people these days have forgotten what it’s like to call somebody and be in connection with somebody. You need to be there it’s not all about the Internet. Thank you for your content amazing
Perfect advice! That’s exactly how it should work, wish my girlfriends that act desperate all the time would do that, instead of throwing themselves at anyone that shows the least bit of interest.
I know all that!😂 the problem is when they start changing the dynamic... But I will take it more seriously😂 remember only to take only one step forward and wait... if the dynamic changes... Stay in your place!😂
You've changed my perspective of seeing things in a relationships . I do appreciate your support to those , who really needs you in their difficult times. Thank you for sharing your healthy knowledge with us
This advice is GOLD y'all!!! Only the BEST get to 2-step with me. 💃💃💃 safeguarding my energy for the men that deserve my Beautiful self ❤ Unrequited love sucks
I really am happy that people have someone that they can really learn this from It's just such great practical advice that's not necessarily easy to get.
This sounds complicated, BUT he's right. While tech has brought about ease of access to one another and perhaps certain expectations, dating & marriage has ALWAYS been a dance. You give yourself and if someone wants to reciprocate, they will. If they don't, it may hurt, but then you have the opportunity to come across that person who will. Be strong, be patient, have FUN, and the person who wants you as much as you want them can come along. ❤
This is good advice. People hate dating in this day and age because cell phones and social media have ruined things, but those things aren’t going anywhere so we have to evolve our dating behaviors because of them. This is a perfect example of how
I went on a date two days ago and when he took me home, I just stood still, trying to let him know that I wanted him to open the door for me, so he immediately realized and asked if I wanted him to do so 😂 I said “yes, please” and now he just keeps finding creative ways of opening the door for me.
I so sick of games like is. Why do we have to do this. What's so hard with being straight up with someone. "I like you" or "I don't like you anymore"...am I crazy or is this to high of a level of thinking.
I don’t think you guys get it. He didn’t say you couldn’t say that. You can totally do that if you want…that’s just taking a step forward. But you have to be prepared for the other person not to reciprocate. Which unfortunately a lot of people (women in particular) won’t accept and instead will try to chase a guy. The point he’s making here is to model the behavior you want to see, but if the guy isn’t meeting you half way you need to stop chasing him and go find someone that will mirror you.
That's the best thing to do. A lot of people struggle with being vulnerable and saying they like someone... or they want to get to know them first before saying that. That's the best option if you're bold and brave enough to be vulnerable and express your feelings. He's also not saying to play games. He's just saying not to put forth more energy than you're getting in return. What he means in this case is: If you reach out and say you like them and they ignore you and don't respond. Don't keep reaching out. The ball is in their court now. I think the purpose behind this video is to stop people from expelling too much energy on someone that's uninterested and on a different level.
Exactly. Like you wouldn’t bombard text after text with no response lol I’ve heard too many stories from men where women become psycho and don’t know how to stop.
I think that’s greatly exaggerated by …MEN. All men are truly the drama queens & game players - just like divorce men scream their heads off mean while they are barely paying the child support & living with a whore- happy to shatter their family for selfish reasons /. MEN wish woman were blowing up their phones
I once dated a guy. Was super nice and giving. Took me out and also cooked for me. But rarely let me reciprocate. I believe now it was his way of keeping the relationship from getting serious. So when the eventual break came he could justify it by believing he invested more in it than I had. We went on longer than he probably wanted because I accepted the more transactional nature of the relationship it became, and ended when I realized what kind of dance we were doing.
its great advice in theory, but i cant figure out in practice what constitutes step forward step back from both sides with all the little things we have to show attention
I think a step forward means, if you or they reach out in any way. A "like" of content isn't really reaching out, but it's showing interest at least. It's like a nervous wave hello. If you want more than just that, it's safe to reach out with a text. If they only ever "like" content without reaching out despite your efforts, don't expel more energy on them. If they reach out and comment or talk through one platform, then you can follow up later with a step forward on your side by reaching out through the same or a different platform. If you're reaching out through all platforms without them initiating or putting forth energy, step back. Let them take initiative. Or better yet, move on! There's nothing wrong with being friends with and getting to know someone at their pace if they reach out but it takes them longer/days. Just don't place significant hope and interest in them as more than a friend. And don't constantly step forward/reach out.
I took a step forward and asked him to call me, as my hands were full. He never responded and hasn't hit me up in 2 days. Dang. So I'm taking a step back too I guess. I hope he reaches out again. But I don't think it's my turn to step forward right now.
What are you hoping for? Trust me if he was interested he woulda contact in no time. Move on to someone who would see your value and lose no time to establish relationship with you.
@@eavescent, that's not always true. A few years back I went on blind date, on a sat and I didn't hear from him. I thought he didn't like me. He didn't contact me until 5 days later on the thurs. His reason? He liked me, and was so attracted to me, and wanted to call me that night, but was too worried that I'd think he was too needy and weak! Then I heard, men think they should wait for 3 days after the date to call the woman. Have no idea why. People hear weird stuff from others and think is true!
@@nightskylights4501LAme excuse. Is he a cancer? Run for your life or later on after several years he will discard you giving the same bullshit excuse🤦
It is what I try to do now for all romantic relationships, for me, I would try to model what I want which would be to ask and go out and see them again, I try to initiate with asking them to do something together with me once or twice before I step back and then mirror and see if they may invite me out again Otherwise, no point in me wasting my time in someone who ain’t going to invest in me or feeling anxious over if they ain’t responding and left me on read, just mirror and move on to someone potentially better
Ultimately, know your worth, your goals, your boundaries, yourself, and then “look” for that dancing partner. That’s when you’ll know if you should invest or pass. When the above is unknown or semi-clear, you’ll invest in everyone else but yourself. Sometimes on one person (chase), and sometimes on many (no focus). You give the wrong vibe to model.
Matthew, this!!! Finally, I understand...I thought I am a warrior in a war, and I don't get why everyone is running away😂!! Thank you for the description❤
We teach adults how to love others, beginning in infancy. The parent or caregiver loves that child with attuned, emotionally present, unconditional love, so when they become adults, they already have a secure base with which to move off from. Teach a child how it feels to be securely loved, and when they become adults, they have standards, not games.
Stepping forward is any form of you or them putting in effort to communicate. Sending a text=step forward Calling them=step forward Sending a Snapchat message=step forward Sending a FB message (direct or on their wall)=step forward Sending a like is a weak step forward though. It shows vague interest rather than interactive interest. However, a message can still be sent as a result of it. Unexpectedly running into someone when out and about isn't a step forward, but rather a happy coincidence. Telling them you like them and or asking them out as a huge step forward. If none of these are met with a response. Or you're disappointed in the reply. Say something. Be vulnerable and communicate what you want. If they don't comply. Move on to someone else. Or just move on if you're also not invested enough to ask for more.
I get this and appreciate it. Let me add another wrinkle and then some questions. Suppose the other person is sincerely attracted but struggles with taking initiative. Sort of submissive (a word I don’t care for but I think it conveys the idea here). I told mine 12 days ago that I’d give him some space and wait til he’s ready and has time. And that he should let me know and I’ll be here. Nothing in 12 days. When I write (previous to this agreement) he’s always very affectionate. Should I send a quick note? Should I stand by what I said 12 days ago? Should I accept that he’s not ready and may not be right for me, and simply move on, as difficult as that will be? Or something else? Thanks for this AND for all the helpful content you post.
This all sounds good and like it makes sense but it's not really how things work beyond the extremely basic. I agree that all you can do is be yourself and follow the golden rule. Beyond that, people are trying to play games, so if you don't want love to be a game, don't play someone else's game, even if it's some metaphorical dance. They'll either grow up real quick or they'll be dancing themselves ragged with the wrong people for awhile.
