Not all anger is the same. Generally, we can break it down into two forms: those who express it when they’re overwhelmed, and those who use it for manipulation and abuse. Recognizing these distinct types helps in deciding whether to approach with warmth or set boundaries.
If someone’s anger is coming from a place of overwhelm, responding with compassion can often defuse the situation and encourage them to express their underlying emotions. This isn't about justifying or dismissing their anger, but understanding that we all face overwhelming moments where kindness can invite calmness. But, if someone’s anger stems from manipulation or an intent to gain some advantage, establishing boundaries is the healthier alternative.
However, there’s more nuance when discussing the extreme ends of anger, like domestic violence. Research by the The Gottman Institute found the same two types of anger, categorizing them as “pitbulls” and “cobras.” A “pitbull” reacts violently due to overwhelming emotions during arguments, while a "cobra" uses anger and violence for control and manipulation. This video DOES NOT apply to these situations of violence. It only applies to cases where both parties are safe, without a power differential, and without the fear of punishment.
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26 дек 2023
