I heard the story of a boy who went to a disco and asked a girl to dance. She replied "no". So he asked another girl ("no") and another girl ("no" again) and a few more, until he finally got to a girl who said yes. And he noticed that she is intelligent and more interesting than the previous girls. They danced all night together and then started dating. The point is... rejection sometimes hurts , but sometimes it also leads us to the right destination. You never know.
Summary: 1. Don't take rejection personally. Everyone has a different reason to reject, it could have nothing to do with you. 2. Learn from rejections. Ex: modify own body language to be more open, ask people with more open body language 3. When giving rejection, use the mindset: "I'm just being honest with what I want and what I can give" (better to say no than say yes and not be 100% present) 4. The key when giving rejection is empathy.
@@mylesanderson2861 I'm in door to door sales and man people don't let you down easy😂 I'm currently trying to get comfortable with rejection since ITS LITERALLY IN THE WAY OF DOING MY DOING MY JOB😂
@@laurendilaurentis6467 I have a problem with when people are unable to just accept reality. There always have to be some deeper meaning behind it. For example, if you try out for the basketball team and don't make then its probably because the coaches didn't think you were good enough period. But people will try to flip it and say it was a reason I didnt make the team. Yeah its because you wasnt good enough. Now if you want to use this moment to learn how to deal with failure then you can but to say it happened so you can deal with failure I say no and learn how to put your ego aside and deal with life head on. Did that help you understand my way?
My poor father I’m sure was scared of rejection, scared to upset people…he didn’t know how to say NO. He worked non stop, in factories, it helping family every single second…he never stopped…it broke my heart to see him never stop… And my mother was used to seeing him work, she encouraged it instead of telling him to relax….dad ended up having close to a thousand people come to his funeral , he was so humble, but so luved and no-one forgot what he did for them…but he didn’t live his life how he wanted, he never stopped to smell the roses, he never went Italy to see his family like he wanted to so much…he only lived a life pleasing others and helping everyone but himself…..I cry a lot thunking about him, he deserved a different life….and no he’s gone forever and I can never fix it for him….I cry so much for him and I don’t know how to stop….he was the kindest man you could know…
I was rejected from college twice I felt bad and depressed but I didn’t stop trying and I took it as an advantage to learn a new language now I speak 3 languages...rejection is actually a redirection from god ✨
Does that type of rejection really even matter? That type of rejection isn't based on you specifically and personally, the people rejecting you don't know you.
Actually it’s my story as well my friends, i thought i was the only one, I am living in Haiti, and thanks to a rejection now i’m able to speak English, it’s very useful and thanks to being able to speak english i may get a scholarship in a foreign country. God’s plan
Rejection is the very first step towards acceptance. How can you truly enjoy acceptance if you have never experienced rejection? They are two sides of the same experience coin.
You're getting men to say no to you not because they reject you, because they're too intimidated to dance with you. Point is, sometimes it's not you that is the problem, it's the other person actually. Thanks for the talk you have a golden voice respect 👍🏾
I love this because I have dated so many women that weren't interested and honestly dealing with them being apathetic, ignoring you, showing no interest when they go out of their way for another guy, saying they are busy 2 seconds after they said they were bored and had nothing to do on social media, etc. hurts a million times more than if they would have just said, "no." You get your emotions deeply involved just to feel played with.
Sorry to hear that has happened to you. I find it hard to understand why a woman would do that. I hope you have found one of the genuine and lovely women out there.
She's helped me to put rejection that I've recently suffered into perspective. It helps a lot. I think I'll have to listen to this a few more times for it to really sink in.
It's so hurtful to be rejected. Whenever i am, i try as much as possible to involve myself in positive thriving activities. With time it goes away. As humans we cannot control the feelings of human beings towards us but we can control ourselves. We all have to power in us to avoiding taking rejection personally.Thank you for sharing.
You lack an ability to think outside yourself. You think she's pretty so she must have no problems and never get rejected, that's actually extremely shallow. Pretty well to do men reject pretty women a lot, a skilled dancer will reject a less skilled dancer, someone with more status will reject someone with less it goes on and on you're very naive.
Growing up being rejected from social groups and workplaces hit me hard. The sadness still lives with me today. We have to be so careful with our words when rejecting someone in any kind of way. They carry what we've said to them for life.
Thank you Magna. I've been avoiding the acceptance of rejection. I read a comment on a different video and that person said go through it. It's the only way out. You've built upon those words for me to start to see the wisdom in facing the crippling fear I've been living with. Right from my heart I thank you.
My life must be one big benefit. I've always been rejected. I have the spirit of rejection over me for as long as I could remember. And I don't know why. Others flow easily through life and always accepted and appreciated. It is very painful.
Had no idea you were so well spoken and self-aware, Magna! I've seen videos of you dancing your very fun, light hearted, personal style and I've always said "one day I'll learn to be my authentic self on the dance floor like her!" After this talk, (I'm also a self help junkie) I'm inspired by you even more! Keep up the good work!
@@mylesanderson2861 shows your myopic narrative that rejection is only about looks...or that looks prevent all rejection. Hope you can divorce the meaning thoughts give things...those are often a distorted perspective, born out of conditioning and programming starting in childhood, carried further by society. Free your mind... your thoughts cause you to suffer.
Wow. So much wisdom in this. I've said yes when my entire gut was saying no, and I wasted my time and the other person's. So true. The inner definition of rejection needs to be neutralised instead of demonized! Thank you so much, Magna for this one... Perfect timing for me to listen and absorb this universal truth x
👍The first word my parents taught me was “no”. When I grew up, I asked why and they said they wanted me to know how and when to say or receive a “no”. There have been plenty of times in my life when I knowing how and when to say or receive a “no”. 💞
I needed to hear this video - one of the BEST I've heard!! I am now at the age of 49, able to say NO to negative people & to say YES to properly caring for myself, setting boundaries with compassion & to learn from the pains of my past & turn them into GOLD. I am doing spoken word, creating art, writing & I now facilitate groups sometimes & am returning to SCHOOL in less than 2 months!!
The speech just hit home. I can’t believe when I found this speech. I am learning to deal with rejection. I recently found out that I love ballroom dancing. I didn’t realize this is connected to dance. I am impressed.
True words. Direct and straight down the line. My yes is my yes and my no is my no. Once one honours one's emotions and intuition, you truly are alive.
The title alone caught my attention. Her message echos loud and clear the divine sentiments of the book James. We are reminded to count it/the experience all joy when we fall into diverse trials for it gives us endurance and completeness in all respects. Solid truthful reminder.
I love everything about her analogies and examples because they force you to recognize the root of why people say yes = because we don’t want to hurt others. It’s a natural human response to something because we do not ever intend to hurt someone, despite our genuine lack of interest. However this speech helped me understand my problem, once I rejected myself. I genuinely like being liked. My whole life I went about my day with most people liking me, my energy, my effort, the way I spoke. It was a serious wake up call to me when I was rejected by someone who ONCE liked me, I dismissed and he KEPT chasing me. I ended up dating him out of pity, I had IRRATIONAL anger around him, I was never amused by what he said to me but he was SUCH a nice, genuine guy that I couldn’t say no. The worst of it all, I knew he wasn’t for me but I couldn’t bring myself to understand I wasn’t good for HIM. He lifted my ego, praised me, showed me undivided attention but I, being the selfish egotistical girl I was back then, just rolled my eyes and bathed in his affection. Until one day, he decided he deserved..better. I was appalled. Better? Than ME? Everybody likes ME though, how could YOU not? My serious, embarrassing issue was that I had never been rejected before. Never been shown that someone wasn’t interested. But that day my outlook changed. Suddenly I liked him more, couldn’t move on from him when he found someone who GENUINELY loved him. After all the time we spent together - I no longer meant anything to him. That’s what brought me here. The reflection of being rejected. Because it helped me realize that understanding someone can most certainly CHOOSE not to say yes to you/dance with you/anything you wanna compare it to, they have the RIGHT to say no. And for whatever reason they want to - NOT taking it personal is key. They are telling you that they’d rather not waste their time and although they don’t wanna hurt your feelings, they aren’t obliged to participate if they themselves wouldn’t be enjoying their time. I said yes to second dates with men I barely remembered the names of and I felt entitled to their attention. But this video (and some therapy) helped me understand that this is..toxic. I thought I was being nice but the opposite of nice isn’t pity. It’s fairness. Respect yourself enough to learn that rejection for both parties isn’t personal, it just means they/you don’t wanna waste their time when their entire heart/head isn’t into it.
Magna is such a wonderful and inspiring woman, I feel so grateful to have met her in real life she helped me a lot with my insecurities, we don’t deserve such a woman
I really enjoyed this talk! Many great pearls of wisdom. (The empathy part ❤️👍) I love hearing how people find universal principles in the things they do 😊.
I wouldn't say no a salsa dance with you ! Please come to south Africa 🙂.. But in general being rejected sucks in the moment, but more often than not .. It's a blessing in disguise.. I often look at the girls that rejected my proposal to date and I think " thank the Lord you said no !"
Rejection is a part of life especially in the dancing community. You can't PLEASE everybody. If you get rejected MOVE ON and try again. It's NOT the end of the world if one rejected you. Why would i waste my time to those people who doesn't want to dance with me?? Of course there's always someone out there who really WANTS to dance with me :-) Peace!!
Look, my home town! Looking this up because I was jus rejected for a position that I was certain I had in the bag. The interview and follow-up went so well but no dice. These TED talks have really been helping to me to own why I'm rejected and not let it rip me apart.
I just asked my date if she wanted to watch this TED Talk with me, she said, “Get out of here Billy!” and beat me with a large pillow from the sofa. And now here we are.
What if you're not beautiful, or very intelligent, does that mean you deserve to be rejected? Because someone has the accidental misfortune of not having those assets, it still means they have value and have a right to be loved and respected.
This is how we all should have been raised to interpret rejection, the other way makes us so polarizing in how we want to try again that to think of it this way is like discovering life after death. Also I think you have to know what it is to lose, to truly appreciate and realize when you win.
Thank you for sharing this positive message and understanding of rejection. I have never dealt with rejection in a good way and I am going to take what you have provided and apply to my new soon to be dating life. Thank you for having the courage and passion to share this information.
I Love this woman. I'm so happy you made this, it helps our community of Salsa Dance Lovers. I have to say no a lot more often. I'm in Miami now, we have lots of dancers with different styles. I am afraid of getting hurt or Cross Body Leading someone into danger. Love You Magna.
this was very good explanation of rejection and it is ok to receive and give rejection as well. At the end it is about respect to yourself and others. that is so true about salsa dancing especially in the beginning until I got better. she is right the concept of it, the rejection made me want go improve until i got better, instead of sulking to the back of the room I went to class 3x a week and going back to beginners class in 3 months I improved 6 months I could read the guys leading and I grew comfortable and confident..salsa dancing is a life lesson. practice makes perfect. Glad I clicked on this. everything she said is true!!
Great talk.... I guess ive been very fortunate to have lived my life despising being anywhere Im not wanted. I have been rejected many times but it had very little effect because of that.
Great talk Magna! I can only agree from my salsa dancing experience, because I was an absolute beginner when I was in my early 40s and now at a more advanced level I rather reject and be by myself and enjoy music than be with someone who is not able to follow properly. Lots of ladies come with 0 experience to parties. So when being rejected myself I know exactly why this is. Either it is about the person rejecting which I cant do anything about, or it is about our future experience which most probably is for ghe benefit of both of us. What great lessons dance can teach us!
With the utmost respect, I have to acknowledge the fact that Magna has to be one of the most beautiful ladies in the entire universe, with a lovely voice and obvious intelligence to boot!!!!
You are too kind! Thank you. Glad you enjoyed it. Come join me for my live chat/Q&A on my yt channel on Sat at 12p. 😊 If you've got any questions, you can ask them there.
I've never experienced as much rejection as when started salsa dancing. It's difficult as a guy, especially a new dancer. I try to not take it personally, I'm still working on it.
Magna Gopal, this is really like a next level of feeling rejection from a different professional life that stands so resonating with any general rejection faced in life. Thanks to TEDx to bring you on the global platform of sharing. Your talk makes me see the purpose of TEDx justified. Really, great talk. Nice to know a little bit of living in the dance industry too.
Thank you for taking the time to listen and I'm glad to hear the content of this talk resonated with you. I'm trying to post more content related to these issues that we all deal with. Have a look at my channel. You might enjoy some of the videos. 😊
Not taking it personally? Its ALWAYS personal ! I've been rejected by women all my life. I'm now 75. Rejection saps the confidence which induces resentment, jealousy, bitterness and loneliness. It affects every aspect of ones life including working life - as it did in my case. For me its been the worst thing in my life. At my age I've given up trying now.
Magna, so been there! ( As a Salsa Dancer) It took a while but I had to learn how to say no as well. I have practiced my no delivery many times. I have had to learn to respect my own boundries and my feelings in a situations as well. I had to learn to stand up for myself. I always try to say no gracefully & with empathy as well. Thanks for sharing!
This is why a female should LEARN HOW TO LEAD. I learned how to lead over 45 years ago, while I simultaneously learned the basic step for being led. They're interchangeable. I was good at it back then, and I'm good at leading today. There's no way I'm going to sit out a swinging mambo tune.
LATIN NITAL traditionally men are suppose to lead, but so many of them are rubbish dancers...you’re right, we should lead! Many that have been dancing over 20 years don’t even have natural rhythm 😂😂
@@pfavayi if you're referring to her claiming she was being rejected, you're correct. I grew up around salsa clubs and groups, being Puerto Rican, and pretty girls never sat on the sidelines.
A wonderful and impressive lady and a short and spear pointed presentation I learned from, and which I will remember and hopefully be able to practice on and live by.
@@magnagopal I'm 57 years old now...wish I had learned to say "no" when I was younger. And receiving rejections & moving on with a smile...is what life is all about.. ( easy to say...difficult to practise) thank you for answering & being such a wonderful person.
