The Exact Moment I Lost My Testimony in the Mormon Church 

I grew up a faithful member, baptised at 8, sealed in the temple. I did everything I was supposed to do. My husband left about 10 years before me, after about 4 years of marriage. He is a scientist, and it just didn't make sense to him, which honestly I was fine with. He's a really amazing man, and I just figured God wouldn't keep someone from going to heaven just because he didn't have the right spiritual experiences. At first, I was so strong. I took our 4 kids to church by myself, and everyone would talk about how faithful I was and what a strong testimony I had. We moved out of state for his graduate school, and I just slowly became more nuanced, I even stopped wearing my garments, but I still believed. For me it always came back to "The Book of Mormon" because in my mind, I couldn't believe someone would write an entire book for a con. There were things that bothered me that the church needed to fix (lgbtq+ and the treatment of women were big issues i had) and I just thought I'd go back if they were to recant the untruthfulness of these things, like they did with POC holding the priesthood. However, deep down, I knew it wasn't true, but I couldn't admit it to myself. I had asked my husband never to tell me anything he knew because I knew it would break my heart. At a family party, he was talking to his niece, who is also exmo, and mentioned something that I didn't know. It was the book "View of the Hebrews." In this one sentence, I knew The Book of Mormon wasn't true. I stormed around the house for a couple of weeks, just so angry. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that the Mormon church was based on a lie and a con man. This is my testimony of the falseness of the Mormon church, and I say these things in the name of my cat, Noodles. Amen.

A lot of things led up to me losing my testimony, one of the biggest was reading 'A Letter to My Wife' that was written by a former church historian. But the single moment I lost my testimony was one night when my not-soon-enough-ex-husband and I were reading through that night's portion of the Come Follow Me (that year was on Doctrine & Covenants.) And I don't remember the exact chapters we had read, but our discussion after was talking about marriage in the Celestial kingdom and what that would look like. And I posed the question, "How is it fair that men who make it to the Celestial kingdom get to have multiple wives, but women who make the same sacrifices and do the same work have to *share* their husband with other women? If Heavenly Father loves all of his children the same and says that ALL of his children can become like him, why is there such a difference in 'rewards' given based entirely on your 'God-given' gender that you have no control over?" And my husband very nonchalantly said that "Well, more women than men will make it to the Celestial kingdom, so they either have to share, or be alone for Eternity." And I said, "Again, how is that fair? If God says that everything will be made right in the eternities, why is there such a built-in unfairness for women who arguably are the more righteous since more of them will make it to the Celestial kingdom?" And he said "I think you're thinking very selfishly and that's not going to get you there anyway." It was at that moment that I realized just how sexist the Mormon church is, how baked that misogyny is into the church doctrine, and how most men in the church neither care nor want it to be different because they absolutely benefit from women sacrificing themselves into the ground almost entirely for others benefit. That night my testimony died. About 6 months later my husband and I separated and we're currently in the process of getting divorced. That conversation was also one of the nails in the coffin of our marriage; I couldn't understand why someone who claimed to love me and was my 'eternal companion' would be so happy to see me treated so unfairly and then gaslight me when I was upset about it. It was by far *not* the worst that he did and was not the only reason I left, but it certainly was a contributing factor.

I am an ex Mormon who still lives in a very devout Mormon home. I had a similar experience when I decided I didn’t believe it anymore. I made a deal with my parents that I wouldn’t stop going to church and I would include study of the books into my personal research. I kept going through the motions pretending like everything was okay until eventually I was asked to bear my testimony. I used to be the kid who took 40 minutes from every class to share my in depth love for the gospel, but at that moment I realized that everything that I once said, no longer felt right. After being told to share my testimony I politely declined and went to my bishop afterwards. I told him that I was struggling in my faith and that I wanted to ask him questions about the church. I spent what felt like hours explaining everything that I found both in the churches resources and in my own independent study. Imagine a 12 year old giving a science lecture about all the reasons why god most likely didn’t exist and out debating an anointed bishop of the church. When my bishop didn’t have a single answer to any of my questions I knew that that shred of hope I held onto was finally cut. The bishop told me that he would look into it. A year after that he left the church with his wife because he couldn’t find the answers. I still talk to him occasionally, he really listened to every question and he pondered on it until he couldn’t find the answers. He told me he was grateful to me for bringing up all of those questions because he and his wife are now so much happier than they were before they left. But it really is about finding that switch. Once your questions bring you to that edge, a simple experience is all that it takes to break all of the hope you have of the church being real and replace it with a bitter resentment of the church and its practices.

I lost my testimony when I was reading an Institute manual about the Endowment ceremony, and it talked about the "signs and tokens" you would need to get into the Celestial Kingdom. I thought to myself, "If God knows me so well that he knows the number of hairs that are on my head, why do I need any signs or tokens?"

I grew up in the LDS church. The church was right behind my house. All of my friends and family were Mormon. I am not sure why, but I started to have morality concerns with it when I was about 8. I felt in my heart that the church didn't practice what it preached. The people were incredibly judgemental. I felt like I was walking on eggshells and that what I knew in my heart to be right, the church would damn me for. When I was about 11, I went to my regular primary after sacrament. They had us play a game that was kinda like monopoly but you had to make decisions based on what God would expect you to do. For some reason, I kept getting the "you uncle drinks, is this a person you associate with?" "Your friend smokes cigarettes, is this someone you should associate with?" Type questions. Under the understanding that God believes we should not judge our fellow man and we should love thy neighbor, I said yes I would not disown my uncle and I would choose to continue to be friends with my friend. To which, they advised me that I was wrong to do so, because it goes against God's teachings. Afterwards, they proceeded to have a lesson on loving thy neighbor. I stood up and called them all hypocrites and left. Now, I live a spiritual life where my moral compass isn't based on the teaching of any mortal man. My boyfriend and I agreed to allow our children to develop their own relationship with God and help them regardless of the direction it takes them. However, due to our experience, we firmly believe the LDS faith to be a cult.

I was never Mormon but I grew up in a different cult environment, but my "shelf broke" when I took my recently immigrated boyfriend from a super impoverished country to church with me and the pastor started complaining that he didn't receive a big enough offering he said a specific number. My dad told me it was a lie, because my dad's super faithful tithes and the tithes of our closest family friends were more than the number the pastor had given as he was complaining. But imagine taking someone to church and swearing it's not as bad as it seems (I grew up with STRICT rules of living, I couldn't wear makeup or nail polish or cut my hair or watch movies -- and my boyfriend had always showed concern when I talked about it) and his mom literally made a dollar a day in a sweat factory sewing jeans when he was growing up, and the pastor being like "I only received 500$ you guys need to do better". 😳😬😬😬😬

I, too, left the church I had attended as an active member. I was 17 and had my sights set on becoming a professional musician. A church member had seen me playing in a small group at a home show in the civic auditorium. She informed the minister. He summoned me to his office and told me that if I did not give up 'worldly' music, I could no longer be in any of the church groups to which I belonged. I went home and told my mom that I was quitting. She did, too. A few years later, the same minister who had read the riot act to me was dismissed for molesting young girls. Karma.

I spent two years desperately trying to find reasons to still believe. Every bit of study or research I did just took me farther away. I had a tome of excuses that I would make for the church, but I knew they were flimsy cop-outs. Finally, I went to church with my sister's family and watched my nephew's primary program. The kids sang a song I'd never heard before..."Follow the Prophets." My momentary enjoyment crumbled rapidly. I had been studying WWII propaganda in college and fell into a panic as I realized that the song checked every box for extremely aggressive manipulation and "brain washing"( not the most accurate term, but you get the idea). My excuses fell like dominoes as I realized how many other deliberately controlling and manipulative techniques the church uses. I spent much of the program with building panic. Then a warm feeling came over me and I heard "it's ok. Let it go." That was in 1993. I walked away, let it go, and have been vastly more at peace with myself and the world.

I cant remember the exact moment my shelf broke, but last month my cousin left on a mission. I hadn’t been religious in a very long time but I went with my family to his church to hear his goodbyes, and during it he talked about how he had a time where he was really sad and everything was so hard to do and he just felt so hopeless. He talked about times where he lashed out and how he’d cry every day and just grieve for no reason- and he went to his dad about it, and his dad said “That’s because the devil is inside of you.” And my heart just shattered. This poor kid was probably dealing with some mental health issues, and his dad just dropped “You’re being possessed by the devil. You need to go to church more.” I am so happy my cousin is doing what he wants and following his faith, but at the same time that is just ridiculous. As if my shelf wasn’t broken enough 😭 they took a sledgehammer and broke all the little pieces into splinters

For me it was reading that Joseph Smith married a 14 year old at the age of 37. I didn’t want that to be true so I checked with LDS sources right away and sure enough, it was what happened. The apologetics I read made things worse. And I knew in that moment either Joseph made it all up or a perfect god forced a 14 year old girl to marry a 37 year old man. So I accepted Joseph wasn’t a prophet and I went down the rabbit hole and learned all the other things that verified my decision. But I’ll never forget that feeling I had when I read that and was like… this isn’t true. It’s not an easy thing to face. A lot of people don’t understand the social and personal belief implications this has. I have yet to tell most people I know including most my family. I’ll get there eventually, but I know without a shadow of a doubt, Joseph Smith was NOT a prophet. Amen.

Not a mormon. But raised fundamental Baptist...I remember the day i lost my faith completely. I was teaching Sunday school which was not my choice. My preacher pressured me into it even though my faith was in crisis. Sunday school classrooms were in the basement of the church, and adult Sunday school was upstairs. I had no kids that morning, so protocol was that teachers were supposed to join adult Sunday school in that scenario. The very THOUGHT of walking up those stairs and joining the adults was so overwhelmingly horrible to me, and I knew I just couldn't do it.....I also knew that to get to my car, I'd have to go up the stairs and pass their room to get to the door. So instead, I snuck out of the basement door and slunk through the tall grass and took the long way around to the parking lot so I wouldn't be spotted from their windows. I jumped in my car and peeled out of there like I was running from the police. I never went back . That was probably 10 years ago.

I basically grew up in the church. my family joined when i was 4 and my sister was 6. The story went that we were the golden family, even though the missionaries couldn't answer all the questions, we still joined. Throughout my time in the church i always felt that i was constantly giving, but never receiving help when i asked for it. My faith crisis started when i was on my mission. i became severely depressed because all of my coping mechanisms for my anxiety and other mental issues, were back at home. My trainor didn't know how to help, my sister training leaders didn't know how to help, but my last companion did. She was a transfer away form going home and she encouraged me to ask to be sent home early. When i got off the phone with my misison president confirming that i was going home, my companion stated how light i looked. like a weight had been lifted form me. I can never thnk her enough. When i returned home, my parents began their faith crisis. The shame they felt from having me come home early didn't feel right to them. I continued going to church, but it was mostly to keep up the appearance, it didn't mean anything to me anymore. Then i came home one day and foud my parents had gotten a coffee machine. My mom sat me down and told me how she and my dad weren't going to church anymore. I asked if i could stop going as well. soon after i moved to england for a couple of years and decided to try church just one more time. It was quite a trek to get there and back, but i didn't hold myself to the no buying food on sunday (2 hours there and another 2 hours back, with 2 hour church). Still, i felt nothing. It was nothing more than keeping up appearance and i was tired of that. So i stopped going. The most spiritual and surreal experience i have had in my life was the 2 and a half hours i laid on a table getting a tattoo on my back. Finally feeling like my body actually was a gift given to me, to beautify and adorn. Sorry for the long post, just felt like i needed to share.

Mine was when I got to the point where I was wondering "What reason would there be for a married prophet to have sex with a 14 year old that could be justified" and as soon as that thought crossed my mind I knew there couldn't possibly be one. There was no morality there. One can make rationalizations and justifications for a lot of things; but this....not this.

My moment was the moment I found out the endowment ceremony handshakes that were supposedly specially given to only Joseph Smith were the EXACT same ones from the Free Masons. I was like nope. I had been promised my whole life how special the temple ceremonies were and how they were specially given to a hand picked prophet.... Even when I did my endowment and thought maybe I could see why people thought it was a cult I still doubted my doubts... but the moment I found out that pretty much everything I'd worked for my whole life was taken from another group and not from the God I'd so steadfastly believed in... that was the moment I lost all faith and knew

The moment I lost my testimony was when my best friend friend told me her brother was gay. She cried and cried thinking I wouldn’t want to be her friend anymore because I was Mormon.

For me, it was when Spencer Kimball passed away. I was six when it happened and I remember talking to my Dad shortly after about who would be taking over for him. My naïve 6 year old self thought that the quorum of the 12 would get together in some secret room on the top floor of the SLC temple and hold hands and then God and/or Jesus would appear in a blinding white light and select the next prophet. When I told my Dad this, he coldly shut me down and said, "No, it will be Benson, he is next in line" the way he said it so matter-of-factly completely shook me. So several days later when Benson was announced the crack in my shelf could be heard for miles. Seriously, if this really is gods one and only true church, led by prophets that receive revelation directly from God, you would think the process to select the next prophet would be a little more divinely inspired than, "It's Ezra's turn, he has been here the longest" I see this all in hindsight now, I muddled on for another 20 years in the church before I finally was able to admit to myself that I didn't believe in any of it any more.

I've struggled with severe OCD since I was little, and I've worked very hard to try to get my ritualistic behaviors and thoughts under control. The moment I lost my faith is when I had the realization that I couldn't distinguish between my religious beliefs and OCD compulsions. I couldn't tell if I was praying because I wanted to, or if it was because my disorder was telling me that something bad would happen if I didn't. I would follow OCD compulsions rather than ignore them because I thought, what if it's the holy spirit prompting me, and again, something bad will happen if I ignore those "promptings"? Basically, I realized that continuing to live as a Mormon was only feeding the mental illness I had spent my life battling. I had already stopped attending church by that point, but that was what finally let me fully let Mormonism go mentally and emotionally. I couldn't believe it when I read that book I'm Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy and she described her similar experiences. I'd thought it was just me and had never spoken about it before.

I wanted to come on here and say that I've enjoyed your videos so far. I was baptized at the age of 16, when I thought I actually knew what I wanted in life. This went on for about five years. I would attend church, even during some of the darker times of my life. But it wasn't until two particular events happened that I lost my testimony and pretty much lost any and all hope of the church. I'd done some research on the Trail of Tears, the time when the Mormon pioneers had slaughtered dozens of Native Americans on their way to "finding" Utah, and being the curious soul that I was, I asked about these events. The missionaries asked that I pray with them that I would find the answer. I said "no, I'm not going to pray to find an answer, I want to hear it from you. Because missionaries are well versed in Mormon philosophy and history, it is not up to God or Jesus to tell me, it is up to you." "Well you really shouldn't be asking these questions of us." "Okay, why?" "We really think you should pray on it." The second event was the bishop refusing to help my mother. I'd opted to live at home even though I was financially able to live on my own. My mother had been about four years removed from having brain surgery to remove a growth. She was technically retired but the money she was getting from her retirement fund, combined with what I was making working multiple jobs at the time, wasn't enough to pay the bills AND feed everybody in the house. So we went to the bishop's warehouse, but because I refused to quit my job to work there and my mother physically couldn't, the bishop not only denied our request but went as far as to call my legally disabled mother "lazy". For a group of people that claim to help those in need and model their lives in the vision of Jesus Christ, this was nowhere close to being "Christ-like" behavior. (I also believe that it was largely because my mother was not Mormon) So I stopped going to church altogether. It wasn't until many years later (2015 to be exact) that I'd requested my name be removed from church records altogether as having ever been a member. But that's another topic for another time. Thank you for the great content as always. I bear this testimony in the name of the coffee gods, Thor Odinson, and my cat who thinks he's a god so I'll humor him for this one time, amen.

Amen sister. This happened to me but I didn't present anything negative about the church. I was asked to bear my testimony in gospel doctrine. I bore my testimony based on my experience at 21 years old of reading the Book of Mormon and feeling "The Spirit". So I did it and I was passionate about my need for Jesus, which is still very much true. I talked about the way I felt before at that time, but I did it like you to put it out there and feel something again. The only thing I felt was the truth of Jesus and his role in my life. I realized I only really believe in God and Jesus and that the church is a sad, false institution that uses family to keep people in line and active. Well, a week later I was called to be the gospel doctrine teacher on the topic of The Book of Mormon. I did one class and I had to struggle to get through it. I tried to bring out passion and get people motivated to follow their Savior, but I could not feel anything positive as I told and rehearsed the stories. I was like a robot reciting my knowledge but not believing. I have scheduled my meeting with the bishop and I'm going to tell him I can't be a hypocrite and teach The Book of Mormon. My wife is still active and I hope she doesn't divorce me over this. All LDS scripture is false and God showed me that even the spirit in the LDS church is false. It's a thing, but it's not the true Spirit of Christ. Jesus delivered me from this and miraculously lead me to a non denominational Christian Church. I am so free in Jesus now. I did not understand the dynamics of my relationship with Him until now. He frees me from the bondage of the LDS church.

That was so brave of you to speak the truth, to follow your own path and to think for yourself. People like you are needed in this world!!!

I lost my testimony probably around 14 when we had a lesson on the 3 kingdoms of heaven. My parents had gotten divorced and i was living with my single mom who did everything she could to be a good Mormon. She had us read the scriptures every night, say our prayers, we never missed a Sunday, she served a mission. But because she and my dad had been divorced and she never remarried she wasn't allowed to go to the highest kingdom. At that point I realized that the whole thing was made up because in my mind God would never look down on someone who tried with every fiber of their being to be a good faithful Mormon and be a wonderful single mom. My mom eventually went through her own faith crisis in her 50s similar to yours and it's nice to be able to speak to her more freely about the church and what is wrong with it.

I'm surprised you got that far into it before they shut you down. In my experience, it's a scary thing saying anything controversial, anything that you aren't supposed to say in front of a congregation of beleivers. I'm reminded of a quote from a book called The Crysalids by John Wyndham, that paraphrases as, "Well Davey it doesn't matter how much facts or life experience you have, when people tend to believe a certian way and their evangelical preachers want them to beleive that way, it's trouble you get, not thanks." For the actual truth. That's a very brave thing you did!

It took me 12 years and a lot led up to it. The flip switched or the shelf finally broke and totally shattered at a funeral home. Nothing big happened at the funeral viewing itself, but it was while sitting there, contemplating life. It was a funeral for a young mom. Her brothers had both died a few years earlier. Her parents were completely broken. I sat there thinking about life and what comes after death and thought about all of the doubts I had been storing away. And it hit my really hard. I started bawling. Everyone thought it was because of the funeral. But I was crying because I finally had an answer and I felt so much relief that I cried. My last day at church was a couple years before that when I was asked not to bring my disabled kids to church.

As a Faithful member of the church I was always doing my best to follow the gospel completely. I spent every day giving 100% commitment to the church and to its leaders and to the gospel. Other people in the church had at times confided in me the pain they were suffering due to the men leading the church and the cruel things they had done. I knew it was wrong to criticize the leaders God had placed over us, so I encouraged them to bring themselves into conformity with the requirements of the church (I assumed they were not being faithful; I was likely wrong). In short, I did not listen to these revelations of abuse of authority being done by the leaders, when I should have listened closely and given real help to those who were suffering. I didn't listen. That is, I didn't listen until it happened to me. The abuse I was suffering was real abuse that I couldn't deny. And I couldn't just say it was a misunderstanding. Due to my physical incapacity at the time I had to send a handwritten letter asking an authority my husband was personally acquainted with for guidance. I received a personal handwritten and signed letter in response. The contents of the letter shocked me. This shocking letter admonished me that we must OBEY the Lord's anointed servants, including the Bishop, no matter what he says or tells us to do. This man of authority in the church who wrote this letter to me insisted that we must obey the Bishop no matter what he says because even if it is wrong, God will bless us for obeying. That we should do what the Bishop says to do, even if it is "MURDER or ADULTERY", because *it wouldn't be wrong if God commands* it. He said it wouldn't really be murder or adultery if God commanded it. And this was if a BISHOP commanded it! I had been taught that this applied to following the Prophet, but I had not heard that it applied to a Bishop! Out of concern for the well-being of the church I confided in no one except my husband. I told no one what I was going through as I did not want to shake anyone's testimony. The abuses of authority continued while I brought this letter to the proper authorities in the church. At first some authorities confirmed that this was the teaching of the church. I was so patient over this year and a half going to authority after authority up the chain of command in the church. No one would disavow *that this was indeed DOCTRINE* of the church. I could not believe the authorities in Salt Lake City were unwilling to disavow this being DOCTRINE. Each day I tried to confide my pain in my husband. And my husband, my Priesthood leader, whom I loved dearly would only scream at me for "rocking the boat." His efforts were geared toward making me stop asking for clarification and silencing me so he could return to his comfortable life of never questioning the church. It wasn't until after the final response from Salt Lake City that I started looking at non-church sources about the church. I started reading books. I sent for copies of original documents on church history. I was so careful. I did not want to be fooled by what I had been told all my life were "anti-Mormon literature." To my shock and dismay I learned the church had a history of abuse of power. That abuse went all the way back to and included Joseph Smith. This was nothing new. It was *SYSTEMIC* in the church. Oh how badly I felt for dismissing the concerns of others who had come to me in the past hoping to find someone in the church to hear them - to really hear them. I had to stop believing in the church. And I could not raise my children in this CHURCH OF ABUSE AND CRUELTY.

For me it was learning about the book of Abraham. I think I was ready before then, I'd been slowly allowing myself to research and be critical of the church and especially Joseph Smith. But I was too used to justifying and apologizing for church doctrine and policy so I still entertained the possibility the church was flawed but true. Something about how blatantly false and made up the whole Egyptian papers "translation" was... it was the last straw. Can't describe the relief I felt wash over me as I watched a John Dehlin podcast covering the topic and I finally let my faith go. I didn't feel compelled anymore to justify the horrible truths from church history, the homophobia, the racism, and all the misogynistic crap Id accepted my whole life as a Mormon woman. Was more life changing and uplifting than any of the spiritual experiences I thought I'd had before.

Good for you sugar! You are very brave. I am glad to see you did the right thing and didn't wait 50 years like I did. Hugs from an old lady.

My wife leaving the church was the impetus for me to step back and look at the church with a critical eye. So, I studied in depth church history, not the "official books", but those by honest historians. I studied other religions and I took a deep dive into Biblical archaeology, Native American DNA, world religions, religious history, and evolution. Once I was done, there was no other conclusion to make other than that the Mormon church wasn't true and that all religion is man made. My wife and I resigned from the Mormon church and we've never looked back.

I had been questioning and struggling for a long time. A lot of things just weren’t adding up for me but my final straw was when I watched a group of 3-5 year olds being taught they were sinners and needed to ask Gods forgiveness. Their lists of sins included taking a siblings toy, getting mad because they didn’t get what they want and other typical kid things. I was flabbergasted and it was like everything hit me at once. My questions grew and I realized religion could never answer these questions because it would endanger their control over their followers. I remembered how when I was little my grandma would insist I needed to go up to the podium to give my testimony. Someone would scoot out a stool and bend the microphone down for me to be able to reach to speak into it. Then grandma would whisper the right words in my ear so I could repeat them into the mic. It felt strange to me as a kid but as an adult it baffled me. I am blessed in the fact that growing up my mom went through a faith crisis. She was always looking for the “right” church. We started as Mormon and often times circled back to it but we also went to several other churches in her quest to find the “true church”. As a result when I walked away from organized religion I felt I had already done the exploring and didn’t need to explore church anymore. I am much more spiritual than religious now and much happier for it.

I was 12. It was a summer afternoon. A Sunday afternoon, to be exact. I was spending the weekend at my Grandparents house, and my cousin who is 3 months younger than me was also there. My Grandparents invited a set of twin boys from church over to have a play date with my cousin and I. They were redheaded, freckle faced 10 year olds whose names I can't remember. But I didn't like these boys. I didn't even know them. Neither did my cousin. Eventually I walked inside, and I heard it. My Grandparents and these boys parents, planning my life for me. Making arrangements for me to marry one of the twins, and my cousin the other. How we would have a double wedding, what our children would look like, how wonderful it would be. And I stood there stunned, listening, I heard them say they wanted this wedding to happen the January after my cousin and I turned 15. That way, I would have my first child before my 16th birthday. That way, they wouldn't have to deal with the shame of not being able to financially afford to send my cousin and I on our mission trips, because if we were married with babies, we wouldn't be expected to be sent on them obviously. It was like someone threw a bucket of ice water over me. All I could think was that if they thought their God would shame them for being unable to afford to send us on mission trips, and would be happier if my cousin and I were married and on our second or third babies by 19, I couldn't support that God. I had hopes and dreams for my future. And I realized that none of them even involved a mission in the first place. I continued going to church until I was 15. And refused to participate in anything. It was like my eyes were finally open and I could see it all. The sexism, the abuse, the homophobia, all the focus on status and money and how much better than everyone they all thought they were. I was so disgusted. I haven't set foot in a Mormon church in over a decade.

I have just come across your account within the last couple days, and I'm really appreciative of your views and opinions. I'm an "active" Utah mormon. I use the quotes because my wife and I are in the middle of a faith crisis, and it's hard. At this point, we go to church every Sunday, because that's what we do. Hearing your stories about how you told your husband and how you told your mom have really helped me with some perspective. I don't think I'm ready to call it quits yet, but if I do decide to pull away completely, I'm most worried about losing our community support structure. I have 2 kids, they are both elementary school aged. It feels really disingenuous to keep taking them to church every Sunday when I feel the way that I do. However, I'm nervous about the community repercussions they will face if we don't go to church. It's a really scary thing to live in such a high LDS population and to choose to ostracize yourself. From what I have been able to gather from some of your videos is that you also have 2 kids, and you either live in or used to live in Utah. I would really like to know your experience with community.

The only thing the status quo hates more than black sheep is truth speakers. I grew up in a different religion but I could relate to this fully. Thank you for speaking your truth.

I can't pinpoint when I lost my faith in the church, I just remember everything about it being so hypocritical that I couldn't keep it all straight. My father lied about his income to cheat on his tithing, but still had a temple rec. I was constantly harassed about my sexuality as a teen, and was denied the opportunity to go to college (I went eventually, after estranging myself from my "family") after HS because that was "not my calling." Thanks for bringing this to the public's attention.

I remember the moment I lost my testimony. I was quote “lucky” and had a mom who wasn’t super Mormon, she drank coffee and didn’t wear her garments and we got a lot of hate for that growing up. So I was always skeptical about the church because they put down people like my own mother. But that’s beside the point. When I was ten my best friend passed away and we got a lot a gifts from people in our ward, including our stake president asking us to give our family a blessing. I remember sitting in my living room with a strangers hands on my head telling me all these things to make me feel better about my friends death and how I’d see him in the afterlife, it was gods plan, bla bla bla. And I couldn’t help think that it was all a load of crap. I felt nothing but anger and betrayal that everyone had been telling me that my friend’s death was for the better and that it was just god testing me. I lost my testimony at the ripe old age of ten and never went back. And like in the beginning, I was lucky to leave with my mom and she has always been my number one supporter.

When my bishop got upset with me because I wouldn’t give my 10% tithing to the church but rather would spend my money to do things in the community to help the homeless. I mean I’m still using the money for good right? Why does it have to go to the church?

Church members do not want to hear anything other than the same old niceties in the meetings. I was verbally attacked in the Relief Society mtg after I mentioned some real life struggles I’ve dealt with relating to family issues. They only want positive vibes. I never set foot in that building again.

It was when the bishop didn't want to release me from a calling. I asked to be released, because I could teach primary or attend sacrament, and I wanted to take the sacrament. He was reluctant, saying I would fall away without a calling. I insisted, and he did release me. Three weeks later, as I was walking out of the church crying due to anxiety, it was like my whole spiritual life flashed before me. That I was a project member. If they could keep me in line, I was a great speaker for them, but if I stepped a toe out, I would be the focus of their leadership meetings. And how many meetings had I attended, treating people like projects, hoping that they would see the light of the Gospel? It was a horrifying and humbling thought.

What finally broke my belief in the Church was the moment I realized that the Church had lied to me, and by those lies had broken the Oaths between us. I had not failed God, the Church had failed me and in that failure set me free. There is no interpretation of events that does not result in the breaking of those oaths, so I owe them nothing.

But that WAS a deep, beautiful, spiritual feeling. That feeling like "absolute garbage" was an experience of the difficult but real TRUTH.

I was raised Mormon, but I'm not sure I ever had any faith. I remember one time when I was very young, maybe 8 or so, we were packing for a family trip. I couldn't find my stuffed squirrel, and I remembered one of my teachers saying to pray if I needed help. I prayed, and then I found the squirrel, and took it as proof that the prayer hadn't worked. It was obviously me who found the squirrel, not god, and I hadn't felt any external force guiding my thoughts or actions. Thus prayer was catogorized with all the other things that don't work, like wishing for jetpacks on birthdays, or moving stuff with the force.

I had a similar experience of testing the single last thread of belief after my teenage years of slowly giving up belief. I prayed, kneeling at my bedside with all power and focus of my mind and heart and followed whatever the proper formula was "Knock and it shall be opened" etc, etc. And I was filled with peace as I at last accepted that there was no God looking over my shoulder and judging me and that it was just me to decide what was right and what I was going to do. I was high on the sense of freedom and peace for days after. Looking back, I think I was really done with religion of any sort but felt an obligation to go through the ritual just to be sure.

My institute teacher gave a lesson supposedly on prophetic fallibility, but he ignored all the real issues and moved the goalposts to "Prophets aren't perfect, but we can still trust them because the scriptures say they speak for the Lord." He didn't mention Brigham Young preaching multiple times that mixed-race couples and their children should be put to death, but he did mention Lehi murmuring against the Lord, a complete non-issue that has never threatened anyone's testimony in the history of ever. I had been holding out for prophetic fallibility to finally make sense, but now I realized the teacher hadn't given a good answer because there wasn't one. That was my last institute class.

When my sister came out after meeting with parents bishop etc and my parents said “the church leaders say we must disown her, what are we going to do as a family”. I remember that day. Core memory learning how it really was. My eyes were opened not because my sister’s situation but the response from the church. Literally was a perfectly adjusted and kind person who didn’t deserve ANY of that.

I was raised C of E, non-conformist. Anyone from any religion was welcome in my childhood church and it was very mild. Then we moved country and my family had a few churches they tried but none stuck. Flash forward to uni where I was expected to host a tutorial. I’d been assigned religious holidays and I hated public speaking so I decided on what I thought was a contentious topic since I didn’t not believe in my childhood religion. I stated that religious holidays were merely there to keep the general population satisfied with the status quo. Well, as I expected, the whole class erupted into heated debate and I sat back and watched them forget all about me. As a ploy to get out of it as easily as possible it worked 100% and I didn’t even care my low grade for it….then, years later, I started to believe my statement a lot more and no longer consider myself, in any way, religious. I guess the non-conformist bit really took hold in me. I def don’t conform

Lifelong Atheist here. I find it interesting listening to these stories and feel a genuine sense of relief for people who found their way out of the grip of their respective cults. Even if you still believe in a higher power, at least when you leave their control, you can connect to that power on your own terms in a way that best resonates with you. Although I don't believe in God, for those who do, I feel that organized religion, dogma and doctrine is an impediment & barrier to a person's connection to the divine rather than a pathway. Cut out the "middle man" who is ALWAYS in it for control, coin, and corporeal power.

Girl 😂😂😂😂😂😂you had the women stunned 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 and I absolutely LOVE IT❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

2014 when the essay came out about the magic rock in the hat being the actual way the BOM was "translated". I was never the same after that, and finally resigned my membership in 2020.

My big moment was when I found out that the church has 100 BILLION dollars, and I still got shat on for not paying tithe when I was making $1200 a month...😢😢😢 the stories of how family's that wanted to go to the temple to be sealed to their children, but they had to CHOOSE which children to take bc they couldn't afford to take them all, and they are from the countries that give THE MOST...I lost all hope that there was anything God like in them.

Thank you so much for sharing this! We are like a cancer for active members, they say on our faces that they want us around, but it's not true. They rather stay away from us so they don't get "contaminated" by our wickedness. I left the church in Feb this year and have been looking for ex-mormon channels to become part of. Subscribed!

Very cool story! For me the first major crack in my "testimony" was when I learned all this stuff about Joseph Smith in the local LDS Institute of Religion's history course. As time went by, I learned more real history and my anger and resentment grew but for my wife's sake I still went to church. She knew of my frustrations and even sympathized to some small degree. Then one Sunday in February of 2000, when the church was in the middle of another anti-Gay campaign, I attended a "fast and testimony meeting." One of the members was saying some outrageous stuff about Gays and I wanted my time at the microphone to say what I thought about that, but my wife begged me not to embarrass her and not to say anything. At that point I decided that I can no longer be a member of an openly hateful organization, pretending to support their campaign of persecution against Gays. I thought "what would I do if I was a member of a new patriotic movement in 1933 Germany, which suddenly sets out to exterminate all Jews?" Would I sit quietly and not say anything for the sake of good relationships with neighbors? NO!" I could not stand being identified as a member of a hateful organization, especially one that was based on lies to begin with. I walked out in the middle of that meeting and never went back. Almost 24 years ago. We still have a wonderful marriage, mainly due to my wife's acceptance AND SUPPORT of my need to not be a hypocrite. I sometimes joke that I will be back when my bishop will be a married-in-the-temple Gay and the meetings will be clothing optional. I think I have a good few years before I will have to keep my word on that. LOL!

I was a convert to the church and active for nearly 20 years, holding callings, etc. My attendance began to wane and I was surprised how luxurious it felt reclaiming my Sundays. Over several years I began to sincerely doubt the teachings of the church and then, one evening, I fell into a few rabbit holes online where I came across the CES letter. I stayed up into the wee hours that night reading it and many more exmo writings and watching videos. I don't remember a specific moment that a switch went off but, if one did, it probably happened that night. A month later I wrote a letter requesting my name be removed from the rolls of the church and I haven't looked back.

That all seems about right. I grew up Mormon, but I never believed any of it, nor did I ever bear my testimony. I stopped going once I got up the courage to tell my mom. Growing up in the church when I was an atheist was a miserable experience, but it's over and I'm much happier now.

New subscriber here! I just stumbled upon your channel. Thank you so much for your openness and honesty about this subject. It took me four decades to leave this church I was born into, slowly deprogramming myself. I can honestly say it stole most of my life. I think many people don't realize the extent of damage false belief can do to a person.

For me it was during young men/women when I watched a group of boys drag my brother down the hall by his feet while he screamed and cried for them to stop and the adults there did nothing.

It was realizing that truth must be logical. It must be consistent.

I came across your page a few weeks ago. I must say your videos have helped me process leaving the church 20years ago. I was a young child who didn’t feel comfortable with the teachings. I ended up with a teen pregnancy and was shunned by my family. I raised my child alone fully supporting us at age 16. I didn’t believe in the church but was young and impressionable. I still worried inside maybe this is true and I’m risking my salvation. My home teacher who was male at the time talked me into marrying my son’s father. He was abusive but at least “I wasn’t living in sin anymore.” Long story short. I tried to force myself to be a good Mormon because my parents and the church community used my fears to get me to stay in the church. I believe it’s with good intentions because they truly believe the Mormon doctrine.

Going through the SLC Temple was the turning point for me. I desperately tried to hang in there and be a good Mormon. It didn’t work. That was more than 25 years ago.

Literally don't know why this video popped up other than I'm in salt lake city right now, but this woman is a straight gangster with no fear. My lord

I remember when I lost my testimony as well- and have previously described it exactly as you did as a “light switch” moment. I was sitting in a Southern California chapel in the year 2000. I was 18 years old and the upcoming election had a ballot initiative on it called Prop 22…which was messaged as the “defense of marriage” act in California. It basically said that marriage could only occur between a man and a woman, so it didn’t outlaw gay marriage but it did eliminate its legitimacy. I was lucky enough to have a history teacher who was a strict constitutionalist and, being a good Mormon boy, I had won the Constitution award and followed the Laws of the Land and also was a true believer in the gospel of “Love One Another”. That Sunday, in front of the whole congregation I watched our bishop, who also happened to be a lawyer, advocate for a neighborhood canvassing to drum up support for Prop 22 and sudden realization, like a thunderclap, struck me and in that second my faith and belief evaporated as I saw the lies and artifice melt away revealing a room full of angry white people who did not love their gay brethren. My grandmother, and my uncles, and the Mom’s and Dad’s of friends who I had spent my whole young life around were nodding in agreement to an espoused doctrine that ran so counter to all that I had been taught previously- I can honestly say that my steadfast belief at that time, the logic that I had attached to everything and the internalized truth of all the doctrine is what saved me. The Jesus that I had been taught about embraced lepers and sinners and whores and non-believers- so on that day confronted by the Church leadership’s hypocrisy I was, for the first time, awakened. It took me several months to truly extricate from the structures in place. But I am not “inactive”, I have been activated. The Church is not true. Joseph Smith was not a true prophet and that is okay. I was raised in a cult and that is also okay. I just hope that others can find a landing spot like I have, post their LDS upbringing.

Off topic a little, but I was raised Roman Catholic. The grade school nuns used to march us to confession in the afternoon at school. I would kneel in the confessional and tell the priest how many "venial" sins I had committed since my last confession. He never once asked what these minor sins were, which was good, since I had made them up. At the age of 13 my "sins" were mostly thinking about what I wanted to do with a particular girl, but I wasn't about to tell him that. The light clicked on with the ridiculousness of my lying in the confessional, and the realization that my thoughts were perfectly normal. I also wondered if the priest never requested specifics because he didn't really care, either.

Anything that could go wrong was going wrong (divorce, no money, nowhere to live etc). I was having a mental breakdown while driving, and pulled over. I screamed "f*** you!" to God, & immediately felt a fear of retaliation. Then it became a sudden wave of stress relief. I started thinking about things my atheist friends had said, & realized my list of excuses for the church was becoming unsustainably long. In that moment I realized I didn't need to be beholden to nonsense & fake smiles to live my life... It was the most freeing & realization of my life.

For me, I don't think I ever had a testimony. All my interactions in church were like putting on a mask so that my curiosity and critical thinking wouldn't incur judgement and anger from believing members. I stopped going to church when I was around 14. For a few years, adound ages 14-17, I went to my friend's Baptist church. I didn't believe it, but at least my curiosity and questions were met with compassion! And the activities for teens were actually fun!

That concept of gaining a testimony as your bear it is really just a nicer way of saying lie about it until you feel good.

Alyssa, Leave your comments on. I'll take these bashers on any time for you. Their knowledge and logic is weak. They function in the Hive Mind of mormonism. They can only be emotional never dealing with truth.

Super brave to share something that you knew wouldn't be popular. I wish more people had the courage.

I grew up in the church and left at around 19/20 years of age... However, during that time I never once went up to "Bare my testimony" and luckily for me, my mom let me exercise my freedom of choice about it. She never dragged me up there like other parents did who would whisper in their child's ear what they wanted them to say or whatever... I'm glad I never did...wish I wouldn't have been baptized at 8 either but, oh well!

Joseph Smith wasn't the messiah. He was a very naughty boy.

I grew up in the Mormon church and lived in Utah until I was twelve. When we moved to Massachusetts I started to see a lot of different perspectives. Most of my friends were queer and I felt weird about the churches views on gender and sexuality. When I got to college I attended campus drag shows on Saturday night and church on Sunday morning. My shelf finally broke when I went for a weekend to visit a friend of mine who had come out as guy less than a year prior. He talked about his struggles and my switch flipped. I wouldn’t support an organization directly against my personal beliefs. Now a year later I’m out as bi, and so much happier.

My switch flipped reading The Late War by Gilbert Hunt. Everything I'd seen and heard up to that point could have been anti-mormon literature or the influence of satan, or bad record keeping, or people lying, or whatever. But that book - published when Joseph was only a child (I checked) - read more like the book of mormon than the book of mormon itself. I saw undeniable similarities, and I realized that it was the church that had been lying and the "antimormons" that had been telling the truth all along.

Sweet girl! You were so brave. What a rockstar!

Bless you. I grew in a Mormon atmosphere. My dad (step dad) always told me to get my own testimony. Search the scriptures. So a few years past and I was in my mid thirties. I met someone in whom I was very much in love with. For the first time I really wanted a Christian home. We separated and I was very heart broken. That is when I knew the heavenly father started noticeably working in my life. So I took my dad's advice and really started looking for "the church" I wanted So much to believe in the LDS religion. But I could never read and get through the book of Mormon. One day as I was reading the KJV Bible and what really stood out to me was when Jesus said he would send back a comforter to lead and guide us into all truths. NO WHERE did it mention Joseph Smith, John Wesleyan or anyone else. God wants us to turn to him and through his holy spirit will teach us what we need to know and seek him with our whole heart. This was my beginning of the end in Mormon doctrine. People are sometimes placed to help us in our growth. Ultimately it is the holy spirit we need to depend on because mankind is fallible. Loved your video

When I was 18, I fell asleep in the living room of my family home. I was a convert and the only church member in my immediate family. I woke up to being groped by an older step-brother. I alerted my parents, the step-brother was arrested. Not long after, I ended up going to my bishop because I was just in serious need of a blessing due to the trauma and stress. When I told him what happened, he victim shamed and told me it was a trial from God. I had buried my doubts before then but that moment is when everything snapped.

For me it was during a yw’s lesson I was teaching. Two were my own children. The topic? Celestial Marriage. One of the other young women asked about gay marriage, so glancing down at the manual for its response as I was conflicted with my own desire to share what I felt to be true, I stopped the lesson and excuse myself to the washroom across the hallway. I burst into tears, collect myself and return telling them I would give the manual’s response and then bare my testimony. I responded with what the text said, “a marriage is between a man and a woman” then I bore testimony that know, that the heavenly father I knew would not disavow the union and love between any two people no matter their gender and that I hoped one day the church would reconcile this and allow gay marriage in their lifetime. I was quiet the whole ride home and then told my husband what had happened and let him know I no longer had a testimony, didn’t believe in the church anymore and would not be returning. That was 15 years ago. It was the best decision we could ever have made for our family, particularly our children-3 of which are part of the LGBTQIA2S+ community (1 who is NB 1 who is trans 1 who is bisexual). We’re all flourishing outside of the church and thank our lucky stars we no longer belong to a cult and without the oppression it inflicted.

Thanks for these videos. I was born a nihilist, so I never had the experience of having and then losing faith. This has made it difficult for me to empathize with religious people, so it is nice to get these sort of behind the scenes discussions about how you lost your faith.

I have never been a Mormon but was witnessed to by Mormons and spoke with the missionaries for over 18 months. I looked into things very deeply, read the Book of Mormon cover to cover, prayed and fasted. I also looked at whatever history I could get my hands on regarding the Mormon church. I concluded that Joseph Smith was not a true prophet. I was lucky as I already had and still have faith in Jesus. I go to church (currently going to an Anglican church) but I don't have faith in any church and I think this is a key point. I have seen that many Mormons who "loose their faith in the church" then go on to loose their faith altogether which is tragic. For me it seems like the faith was misplaced. It is the person of Christ Jesus that is the Way, the Truth and the Life. We must place our faith in Him, not in any church. Don't throw the baby (Jesus) out with the bath water.

YOU ARE SUCH A WOW, COURAGEOUS YOUNG WOMAN. I am so proud of you!

The time my testimony completely went away was after reading the CES letter for the first time.

Im an atheist, but I study religions and how the impact different societys Thank you for sharing this, is very helpful to understand ex mormons role in deconstruction.

When my brother openly criticized Elder Holland for the Musket Fire talk and I couldn't think of a single defense of the talk, the church, or its doctrine. In reality, my story is much longer and more convoluted, but that's the moment the flip switched.

You are a good bit smarter and wiser than the average bear. Good on you for not stepping in line because others before you didn’t have the same opportunity, strength, courage and determination to think and feel and act for themselves. You’re a powerful force for reason and truth and goodness.

I wasn't LDS but similar religious upbringing. I think my 'switch' was when I was taking a part of a ceremony with a small group of church members. I was pretty young but essentially it got around to me and I excluded by my father because he did not deem me worthy enough/good enough to take part. I was very confused and heartbroken why I was not up to expectations when I tried very hard. I was hurt that my father who was supposed to love me would purposely exclude me from something that was supposed to grant acceptance to heaven. It still took several years from that moment on to fully come to acceptance of my loss of faith, but it was always downhill from that point. It's still crazy to me looking back on it. I think I've had a fairly acceptable relationship with my father from that moment, and I'm not sure whether that's because I've been doing better in terms of thriving without religion, or if it has more to do with my father's 'relaxation' of his views (which I say loosely because he's still very devout). But that moment, and others like it, have permanently tarnished a relationship that should be powerful and deep. I don't understand what level of indoctrination you must have to make such a choice in that moment. More importantly, what 'good' and 'righteous' religion could possibly ask a father to do that? ...I say that but I also know exactly what level it takes and what religions would ask of that and much worse.

Hey, Alyssa. I was a convert and then I fell off a few years later. I understand the feeling of hurt and betrayal from everything I used to believed in too. There's a weird pain from losing my religion so to speak.

I appreciate your sharing, and it appears many others do as well. Your message is assuredly helpful to many others.

When I was a brand new Christian in high school, I was on a spiritual high for awhile. When that feeling finally faded, I had gone to my high school pastor and told him I was concerned I was losing my faith. The pastor told me that faith and feelings are not the same thing. Your faith is built on the word of God, the Bible, which is your strong foundation. That was 28 years ago now, and I know that he was and is correct. "Feelings" come and go -- we were told about how feelings were some sort of spiritual confirmation in the Mormon church, which was actually right next door to ours. It's the Word that we hold onto, in addition to remembering the countless ways that God has come through for me in my life over the years. Mormonism twists and skewers the gospel. It takes people farther away from God's true word. It is such a shame that so many former Mormons become completely turned off by any kind of faith in God, yet at the same time, I can't blame them one bit. 💔

Me too!!! Ive lost my testimony of it all 😢. But I've been enlighten with new things. Thankyou for sharing ❤

I'm sorry that it was so hard but that story is pretty legendary! Much respect.

That's awesome! Before I finally left I remember there was a few times I just squirmed in my seat because I was so uncomfortable with what was being said. I should have left.

Loved it! I'll share mine after I heal from this awful cold. You rock!

Minute 2.59. Foot stomp for joy as you read your own faith founder like a library book and assessed his greatness 'wanting' in all the categories that matter in a non-misanthrope and the went full mute. If covid would not have given me a headache i would have howled with laughter!!! So not cringe at all. You navigated that with truth from your heart and facts from researched information. You did what your true Self told you to do. Thank you for your example.

YOU, Alyssa, are an impressive human being. What an incredibly articulate, direct and meaningful expression of your experience. Well said and well done!!

You express your emotions so well. I really enjoy these videos. I hope you are doing well.

Less of a 'loss' and more of a 'gained integrity'! Good for you Alyssa!

That was awesome! I’m not Mormon but had a similar experience where in one moment I realized I had known for years, decades, that I don’t believe but I was not allowing myself to acknowledge that bc of expectations/fear of hell. In that moment I finally let myself acknowledge that I don’t believe it. I have been trying to believe but u can’t force a belief. It’s not a choice. You either do or you don’t. Yay for you and for me and everyone else who finally allows themselves to acknowledge to themselves the truth and stop pretending. 🎉🎉❤❤❤ Church is 100% performative and fear.

i grew up in a mormon church and today i've had like a break down because i decided to actually deeply think about some of these things and i was just crying because it didn't feel right and i didn't know why it didn't feel right but i knew it didn't. special underwear got me. it made me freak because that was nowhere close to normal in my mind and i started looking at other things and i felt as if it was just restrictive. i told myself that if i already know jesus christ is the savior then i probably wouldn't need the book of mormon. i feel as if i can't just stop going to seminary because i don't know what my parents would say and i don't feel like i have the freedom to make my own choices right now. i'd like to add that after covid i had stopped going to church and i really hadn't thought much of it but i felt shammed by my dad for not going and i've found myself identifying as aroace and i felt like i would never have been accepted anymore. i want to feel the spirit and happy in church but i've fallen in a deep depression and it hasn't brought me out much. i will say when studying the bible i actually felt a lot more. there were things i learned today that i had never heard before. i was always told the "no coffee" rule was weird but i didn't think much of it. i've just been doing a lot of thinking and i don't know what else could've put me off. i don't want to disappoint my parents, so i feel i must continue this way of life until i move out.

For me, it was when reading Mark 12:24-24 where Jesus states that there is no marriage in heaven. Omg when the LDS church says that we can be married for all time and eternity , they are basically calling Jesus a liar. I was 15 years old. I told my parents I was not going to that church any more. The Bible has been my anchor throughout life. God is good!

Love your Done day description! Good on you!!

✨horrified looks from everyone in the room✨ but that’s amazing that you had the courage to bring that up during a testimony👏💪

My moment was very sudden and unexpected. I was trying to renew my belief in the church by starting a new year with daily scripture study. As a god Mormon should do. The idea was to study and start attending church again. I did well for 2.5 months. I started with the book of Mormon, along with the seminary study manual. It started off well. I learned what a stela was for the first time, despite having been an student of anthropology. Then i got to the part of the seminary manual where they point out how Joseph smith and the book of Mormon was another stick of the house of Judah. Remember, because the mormons like to use the OT scripture of the two houses of Judah being like a stick that has split and will one day be brought back together. This was like the fourth time in my life that i had read the OT verse. But this time i was resding the scripture in context of the OT. The mormon interpretation of the OT scripture did not match the context of the original verse. Immediate switch went off in my head. If the mormon church got this wrong then nothing else they said was true either. This began a very short search for a new church. But has begun a long search into the true origins of the mormon church and the true character of Joseph Smith. And yes, when that switch flipped, a whole weight was lifted off my shoulders and i felt free.

Oh shit - that’s f*#%cking amazing ❤️‍🔥🙏🏽

I love your courage and your truthfulness. I am so happy that you got free. ❤ l too am exMormon. None of my pioneerstock family will hear a word about it. They are totally immersed in the dogma. I love them dearly . I fear for them. It has been a huge and extremely difficult journey of searching for the truth of the real history and conflicting doctrines. I am astonished at the gaslighting from the pulpit , such as Russell Nelson's lazy learners and lax disciples can never hold together a particle of faith...(paraphrased) and other comments. 😢😕 As you know, you don't have to bare a testimony of something to gain a testimony of it. What a cult tactic. The truth shines boldly and brightly through all the the darkness, through all the gas lighting. For those who don't know, It's ok to ask questions. ❤ Blessings to you in Jesus. I am proud of you. I wish you every happiness. 🌹🕊🙏💐

I was living at a monastery, in the countryside and away from town life. There was a library, mostly about the religion. But there was a small section of pop-culture and social trends, including what belief systems and faiths were popular in society at the time. So I read a book about the Moonies (now called the Unification Church). And I thought "Is this cult like what is here in the monastery?" It wasn't. I stayed, and questioned what I heard and saw. The good outweighed the bad, because to be honest there's always going to be bad people doing bad things. Thanks for your story, Alyssa. My experience was kind of the mirror image of yours and I'm glad you were able to leave that situation because you looked and listened and then made your decisions.