They’re Pulling Away: Love Won’t Fix It 

Wow. I relate to this, fully. True statement.

@@aesolutionz 🤗

@@aesolutionz 🤗

Yeah On point I’ve never been so pummeled and shredded

I’ve had nothing but healthy relationships until her. Just as it got good she abandoned me. I don’t think I’ll be able to trust anyone ever again.

😂😂😂

I think they'd avoid anyone. I'm trying not to take it personally. My husband seems to also have avoided all his exes.

This is me. I don’t date often and she asked for my number. I’d had a crush on her for a year. Deep down I don’t think I’ll find anyone as attractive so I ignore all th bad behavior.

Same happened with me. Good advice for everyone on here. Thank you.

I think it's sometimes the reasons given by the person deciding to break up. If they cite mental health or some other extraneous issue, empathetic people are primed to say 'oh, let's give it time and see if we can get some help for you.' These people shouldn't use MH as an 'excuse'. A polite 'we want different things' or a non-specific 'my feelings have changed' would save us all so much time, worry and circular thinking. It's clear and allows you to go off your own way with dignity and clarity. MH issues is just fudging the real issue. But this is often why we get stuck waiting for perspectives or depressive episodes to change.

@@caitlinspokes2492 Very well said

Me too! Moving towards health

Can we please stop using the word expectations? It’s reminding me of some things somebody said…. People confuse me. I just want real in classy. It’s pretty simple. I don’t need $1 million. I don’t need the best looking guy in the world. All I want is real and a good person!! . 😢🙏 Even my tomato came from Canada that word triggering lately since when did we get tomatoes from Canada?😂😂. Those dang foreigners leave you must’ve found something better.😂. I hope you find what he’s looking for.🥂🙏 if people don’t want, you don’t take offense to it. Pray that they find what they’re looking for move on.

Okay. You answered my question. 👍🏽

Cause its addicting like NPD abusive cycle

You don't need contact.

I disagree. The constant contact whilst they're saying no to a return to the relationship, this means that they become used to a non-romantic friendship with you. It becomes like my (really good) friendship with my ex husband - a habit, a comfortable place, but a non-sexual place, where romantic expectations have plummeted and the interaction is as dry and shallow as any other non-sexual acquaintance that you have. Eventually, as is the case with me and my exh you have been friends for longer than you were in love and you're embarrassed to admit that you once kissed this person, or were naked together. I can tell you, after being betrayed by my exh, I have wiped all memories of sex with him and I can barely remember what it was like to have romantic expectations from him. So, don't keep communication lines open (unless you have children).

@caitlinspokes2492 I try not to, but he's my husband. It's painful to watch. But at the same time I can tell he's incredibly lonely. I can't get through to him, but any form of intimacy or adoration makes him recoil. It makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong. Yet I know it's his avoidance. Basically I'm lonely and have no other choice but to be lonely or start divorce proceedings, but that's not what I got married for. I didn't take a vow to leave someone when things got difficult. I just wish I could get through to him.

@GUITARTIME2024 with your husband? Ok. Right. How do you propose you future plan or start a family without contact

That’s not true. I have communicated kindly plenty. Conflict presents an acute risk to the safety of relationships with avoidants. Avoidants need to stay in control and, however unconsciously, giving ground for them would upset the balance of power, which can be too torturous a position. They find it very hard to think like a team as they innately view this as dangerously giving up part of themselves. While they may believe they want relationships in theory, in practice they experience regular aversion to their partner - no stronger than when inevitably faced with issues or forced to confront emotions, which means they are much more at risk of walking away. Partners often sense this, which creates a problematic power imbalance in conflict, when both are not showing up with equal desire to move towards resolutions and to make the relationship work as a team. In relationships, withdrawing from conflict is also a subconscious distancing strategy. Conflicts are often left unresolved because the resolution itself often brings a couple closer together - a scenario that, however unconsciously, the avoidant person wants to avoid. Failure to negotiate is a strategy to block intimacy.

You can't heal while they fail to communicate.

@@redpilljesus I did. I accepted the fact I may not get an apology. Accepted the fact I must move on. I don’t need one. This is my twin flame not just a regular person. Im looking forward to meeting someone who can show up and love me correctly.

The codependency, sunk cost fallacy

I agree, this is the best video I’ve seen from Chris

Just because they called you doesn’t mean they are the chaser. You are avoiding them because they were bad for your nervous system and the relationship didn’t work out. Avoidants may engineer romantic pseudo-relationships in their lives that enable them go a long time without having to deal with the realities of real daily intimacy, conflict resolution, and the dangerous feelings of dependency this can incur. This pattern only entrenches their habits and prevents them from learning vital relationship skills. You feel you’re in a “relationship” but in real life, they are not physically present tending to you in times of sickness, attending events by your side, or even doing mundane chores next to you. The illusion of intimacy is created without real life

if the avoidant never really cared in the first place to respond despite all the efforts made to reach out why would they wake up realise our presence is gone what if they simply dont care @Chris Seiter

@@lampug4797 do it to get over them rather than winning them back

Focus on yourself. Why do you want someone who is avoiding you. You are avoiding doing the inner work

ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-2arLKcTVGkQ.htmlsi=7CW13g3NdYmQZ3_6

@@chrisseitercoaching Great stuff! I'm a therapist but I also write on the side. I''ve written and produced a short film that's going into production in June. You'd like this--I wrote it after a girl ghosted me, and I based one of the main characters on her. She came back and she ended up doing some VoiceOver work, so now her voice is in the film where there's a character that's based on her. I did the same thing with myself.