TikTok's Terrible Mermaid Conspiracies 

I’m no marine biologist, but as far as I’m aware, dolphins can make more than just the one noise

I love how they say "No way that's a dolphin, that sounds like a siren!" Like they never think "Hey, maybe we came up with those legends about sirens to explain why dolphins sound fucking wild."

i love how she’s like “i’m your local mermaid 🧜‍♀️” and then she’s like “i don’t know if mermaids are real. Do you guys think mermaids are real?” like damn that’s a strange identity crisis

I’m professional mermaid lol. My tail is made of silicone and was as expensive as hell! It is a brilliant experience when you make a child’s day though!

I can confirm merpeople are real, I'm typing this underwater on my splashtop.

I’d like to thank the Creators of Luca for inventing Mermaids and Italians

I love how he’s like “this doesn’t sound like a dolphin. must be a siren!” Like, buddy, if that was a siren, you would be dead. That’s literally the entire point of the singing.

One funny thing to me is that the origin of the “siren” myth wasn’t even that they were sea creatures. They were originally said to be bird women, described similarly to harpies. It wasn’t until the late 7th-early 8th Century that there were documented descriptions of them as part fish, and even then, most descriptions retained the part-bird origin story. It wasn’t until the Middle Ages that they were closer to universally thought of as mermaid-like creatures.

I would like to mention that all of the videos and pictures she’s using are ones that I obsessed over in 3rd grade back in the early 2000s. They’re old as hell and have also been debunked as not real lol. It crushed my childhood me’s heart but it’s funny to see all of them again

It would be funny if some of these are people wearing mermaid tails and just going swimming, haha. I swim with a mermaid tail sometimes and it's a lot of fun! I would find it hilarious if I ended up on some kind of conspiracy theory video though

FUN FACT: The dolphin noise, commonly used to bleep curse words, is actually an Australian bird, of course it is, making its mating call. So when you here the dolphin noise it is a horny bird.

Fun fact, if mermaids were real, they wouldn’t be slim, and they would most likely live around the depth of whales! They’d be midsize to plus-size, because the fat on the body would work the same as flubber on whales or seals/sea lions. If they had little fat on their bodies, they’d die of hypothermia. They’d also live around the depths of whales and other large ocean creatures for the same reasons large ocean life live deeper in the ocean. Instead of colorful fish tails, the tails would feel closer to the fins of dolphins and sharks. (Or maybe if you had a mermaid suit made out of silicon that feels like human skin)

as a marine biologist - tiktok makes me so angry. it's not just crazy ocean conspiracies, but also people going viral for harassing marine mammals (which is extremely illegal in the US), spreading lies about certain marine species, or grossly misrepresenting issues with commercial fisheries (which granted many are flawed, but it's not as black-and-white as everyone on tiktok wants to claim). but most of these videos are either people in silicon tails, obvious hoaxes, or literally the coast guard rescuing someone from the water (3:45). I just got to the one at 10:10, that's literally not the only noise dolphins make. oh my god. they make so many sounds.

Translation for the second mermaid clip at 2:30 "Sa video na ito, nakuhanan ang isang nilalang lumalangoy sa dagat" "In this video, a (sea) creature was spotted (filmed) swimming in the ocean" At 3:09 "Kumakampay pa ang kulay kahel na buntot nito" "Swinging its orange colored tail" (the clip is originally from a famous TV show here in the philippines. It's called ' kapuso mo jessica soho ' where they cover all kinds of stuff like the supernatural to helping people in need) I really tried my best translating the lines I hope this helped!!! c:

Anyone wanna talk about how she can just vanish like that? How do we know she’s not trying to use mermaids as a front to hide the fact she’s CLEARLY a chameleon person?

My lady really watched that mockumentary and thought the fictional part was that humans are apes 😂

as someone currently working on a BoS in Marine Bio, mermaids are.... very improbable. For them to have not been well documented they probably would not breach the surface often and be deep sea creatures, and therefor would not be mammals. The chance for a non-mammalian vertebrate to evolve to strongly resemble a land mammal is very unlikely as they do not need the same limb formation in order to be mobile, instead using fins. Arms would create a lot of drag and would be inefficient for movement; a waste of energy. And while the ability to use tools and pick things up is generally beneficial, evolution is not intentional and the stages in-between short fins and long arms would be weeded out (arms/legs did not appear until after animals started moving to land). Of course a lot of this is simplified and I may have left some things out (and most people know these things logically), I have spent more time than I should have thinking about the viability of mermaids in my life. Now, what is surprisingly oftenly mistaken for mermaids are manatees and dugongs, of the order Sirenia (named so because of mermaids). At 2:30 I am very sure this is a dugong. Now I encourage anyone who is interested to of course do their own research, the ocean is cool! I'll get off my soapbox now

Jarvis bashing the sirens' song choices is a whole personality type

Fun fact: a lot of old timey sailors (think 1400s-1500s) thought manatees and dugongs were actual mermaids. And judging by the videos here - the same thing is happening here with some people oops

12:26 Hes trying to pass it off as "well set him free" as a good cause but in reality this man is sacrificing that crab to whatever demon is chasing him

“Jarfish Johnson,” lol. The judges would have also accepted “Starfish Johnson” or “Shark Fins Johnson.” That last one sounds like an old-timey mobster name.

I know an artist who makes found footage style art typically with cryptids and stuff, he made a mermaid piece for MerMay 2021, in the post clarifying it was edited like all of his other posts but people took it and posted it claiming it to be a real photograph without his consent, really awful how people will steal the work of artists to spread lies.

I find it so funny when people are like “it’s a THEORY we came from apes” like.. you do not understand a scientific theory. Also we still are apes even now lol.

A part of me really wants to say "it's perfectly fine to believe there is still some bit of previously undiscovered magic and wonder left on this hellhole of a planet" but another part of me wants to say "you guys actually believe this stuff?"

Dugongs, which are a sea creature, are often mistaken for mermaids because they have a bi-lobed tail. It’s actually thought that they are where the myth of the mermaid came from 🧜‍♀️

Idea! Jarvis throws away everything he’s built and done to become Jarfish Johnswim, OUR local mermaid

2:24 as an australian jarvis saying “this is so hard to follow” was SPOT on

absolutely wild that they’re including videos that are just people happily swimming in those silicone mermaid tail things.

Ngl if someone's gonna be up close and personal with a siren it's definitely gonna be you, Jarvis.

That sound he’s hearing out on the boat could literally be a machine moving 100km away. Sound carries extremely well in cold weather & across water.

i so badly want to know what this woman thinks skeletons look like bc I know she's not trying to convince me that's a decomposed mermaid

5:20 As an Australian, I'd like to say you're doing pretty freaking good with your accent. Better than a LOT of people I've heard trying to mimic us.

Not gonna lie... I think I'm just hear for the jumpscares too. The comedic timing is chef's kiss.

I would like to take this time to mention that, uh... Sirens aren't mermaids. Sirens are a greek mythological creature that aren't even fish, they're grotesque creatures that live on rocky coasts and sing songs that cause sailors to crash into the rocks and then they eat the corpses. Also there are many theories as to the origins of mermaid stories, but one is that they come from the first encounter with manatees because manatees have the most biologically similar vagina to humans which might have caused early sailors to believe they were part human. You read that correctly, the most common theory as to why mermaid stories exist is because some random sailors fiddlesticked manatees.

I'm guessing this woman went to Disneyland once as a kid, met Ariel, and automatically believed that mermaids are real

Aussie girl: “He already knows it’s not a dolphin” Fisherman: “it’s Dolphins singing”

“Brazilian coastline” ah yes thank you for clarifying this, because that’s very specific and not at all too big. Not at all. This is a perfectly fine location that anyone can go to!

People have thought manatees and dugongs were mermaids in the past... the second video definitely looked like one of those, and mermaid tail swimsuit bottom things are readily available on the internet. My local renaissance faire has mermaids you can meet every year that are humans in very cool costumes... I assume, anyway! THAT SAID watching the donation total go up the entire time this video was running has been awesome! ..BTW, in The Odyssey sirens are actually bird-women who live on a cliff above the ocean. They got conflated with fish-people much later.

7:53 but jarvis _there are many benefits to being a marine biologist_

5:43 that’s a monkey torso stitched onto a fish. It was in ripleys believe it or not

If mermaids were ACTUALLY real, there'd be a breaking news article of one them choking and dying on a long peice of Dragon Tail chewing gum in 2013

3:12 I got your back, Jarvis. The language they're speaking is Tagalog. The woman who did the voice over was Jessica Soho, the host of the popular TV show in the Philippines (Kapuso Mo Jessica Soho). It's quite common for KMJS to cover fake footages sent by people on the internet. I mean, one time, someone sent a footage of a woman puking out frogs so the KMJS team and a few investigators went to said woman's house to investigate, only to come to the conclusion that it was all staged.

at 5:49, I think that was one of the works of an artist who combines monkey & fish remains to create a mermaid. I wish I could recall their name, but it looks like their work.

I like how mermaids are something no person or underwater robot has ever gotten lucky enough to see is spotted a multitude of times by a guy with a phone on a crabbing vessel

Why do people call Mermaids "Sirens" when Sirens are half women, half bird who, like Mermaids, lure men into the ocean with their singing and eat them?

This is the equivalent of someone trying to prove to you that werewolves are real by showing you videos of their dog.

10:15 those high piched chirp sounds are not dolfin sounds thats a cookabara bird on like 20x speed. Its what people use for dolfun sounds in bad movies. Look it up if you dont trust me.

about the sirens (8:56), they are from greek mythology, and they lived on a pair of islands and their songs were to lure in people as prey. The songs sounded completely different to different people as well

Love how mermaids, sirens and gorgons are all different mythological entities and how a person who is supposed to know the difference... Doesn't.

The thing is if it was a siren call, he would throw his phone and start going into the see. That's their whole thing trapping men with their voices

ngl sea creature noises when you’re on the water at night can be scary as FUCK. y’all ever been on a dock and heard a *_manatee_* just *_breathing??_* shit sounds like a horde of zombies I’m so serious

This "remains" are actually from a local artist, he made a couple of them and photographed, this white one is the most famous. I don't remember his name but it's easy to find. It's literally a sculpture

Jarvis, that first clip was in Tagalog (one of the major languages in the Philippines) and it just says “You can see something moving from its butt like it’s swimming”, which really is as dry as you’d expect

In middle school, I had a notebook that was filled with mermaid and werewolf notes. We passed it back and forth for an e tire school year. I was the mermaid and I routinely made up spells and charms that I thought mermaids would use. We filled up multiple notebooks. It was so fun!

There's a lot of "mermaid sightings" in the Phillippines due to the prevalence of "dugongs" aka seacows. Their shadows look very much like humanoid mermaids swimming.

"sirens are known for luring sailors in with their beautiful singing" the video: "AAAAAAAAAAAAA"

if mermaids existed, they would be whales, actually. The tail shape, being similar to dolphins, implies that mermaids would be cetaceans, the same family as toothed whales and mysticeti

just from a scientific standpoint, mermaids would look terrfiying. Look at every other mammel that is found in the ocean, mermaids would look nothing like humans. Most likely they would have to carry a lot of fat to keep warm, their skin would be thick to protect it from constant contact with water, they wouldn't have long flowing hair, and they would have some form of hunting tools (sharp teeth, claws, etc.) they wouldn't look like what disney want to portray.

Great now I'm imagining Jarvis just on a boat one day going "Don't know why I'm on a boat but here I am", and then just hears a siren singing Rolling in the Deep but with an operatic voice, and Jarvis just diving into the sea and relentlessly swimming to the source of the vocals.

11:12 y'all got any adele? LMAOOOOO

The first "mermaid" us probably a really light colored orca, judging by the saddle patch on it's back, also yes, orcas can be brown or cream colored, not just black and white!

Dude there are so many mermaid performances that look straight up real. Like making realistic prosthetics that are swimmable? Straight up art.

If anyone is gonna be up close and personal with sirens, it’s gonna be you bro! 14:23

If those had been sirens he would have jumped in the water and tried to swim to them before dying on the pointy rocks they sit upon. Literally that’s how the legend goes. Sirens sit surrounded by deadly sharp rocks in the water. They sing and boats and sailors nearby try to get to them because they are in a trance and infatuated with them. But then they die on the rocks and the sirens eat their bodies.

Mermaids already exist, it’s called women that can swim

Jarvis is the siren, and the sound is just him trying his best. Sure got my attention!

4:27 hashtag REMAINS????

Literally LOLed at 15:00

If anyone is gonna get with an Alien Vampire, it's gonna be you Jarvis.

When my youngest sister was a kid, my other sister invented a game called Mermaid Hour to keep her happy when she was bored (basically that there was a special hour where you could turn into a mermaid). But she ended up becoming convinced it was real, and when she figured out that it wasn't, she nearly killed our other sister lmao

Major props to Jarvis on that really good Australian accent

So they said "this is dolphins singing" to which I thought "oh so they're gonna say that dolphins must be the root of siren myths" and then they said "those AREN'T dolphins those are sirens" and I was like "wait what"

I know that you can buy realistic mermaid tails and people get payed to be mermaids like in aquariums and stuff with the fake tails even if I saw what looked clearly like a mermaid it’s gonna take a lot more to convince me it isn’t just a fake tail lol even though most of these don’t even look like mermaids.

do you guys not remember the old days of the internet where people had livejournals and stuff about their quest to like visualize being a mermaid so hard that they would actually become a mermaid one day and they'd post about how much water they needed to drink and how they were growing scales and such i swear this was real, I cannot be the only one who remembered this

Guarantee for a fact that the "mermaid" at 7:35 is from a video on youtube from like 2013, claiming to have found a real "mermaid corpse".

8:26 they were most likely hearing the sounds Orcas/killer whales make to communicate with each other

Along with donating to team seas. You can take action yourself by going to clean ups in your area, just picking up trash as you see it. And practice leave no trace policies. ALSO KEEP PICKING UP YOUR DANG TRASH! LIKE forever! Not just once. Also! Write to you Legislators! Vote for people who care about the environment! Donate to native/indigenous communities! There’s lots of things you can do!

I watched H2O as a kid so I can’t confirm if they are a real mermaid until I hear one of them say Chloe

guys I think the mermaids got jarvis

Lady is literally a 16th century sailor mistaking a Dugong for a mermaid.

Mermaids are literally just fish because there's no way they'd look anything like a human due to the ocean's environment lol

Did Jarvis just post twice in the past 24 hours wow this is almost gold channel level treatment

Whats funnier is seeing people who have well made mermaid tails usually for mermaid shows and such or just fun and photography film thier own stuff then seeing some random tiktoker who saw them believing it was real

13:57 Imagine if its some woman trappped in the middle of the ocean just screaming for help 💀

I must say Jarvis, you look ravishing in that shade of blue

The noise is staying the same volume while they are hauling balls on that fishing boat, that’s impressive that they can keep up with the boat, while keeping their heads out of the water and howling! Athleticism!

"Why is he talking to a duet like it's a facetime call?" "Why did he shoot this when just getting out of the shower?" Jarvis, you don't have to explain that you're not on TikTok, that part is very obvious the way you talk about it 🤣🤣🤣

My favourite are the "is this proof? i dont know decide for yourself" then shows you a 2 second video of a beluga whale swiming in the distance in a muddy water under shaky cam.

I always cut up boxes to make them flat, cut six pack rings so if a fish gets stuck in the circle it also has a way out of the circle, and cut the bottom of plastic bags/any bag so there’s two openings

jarvis: the sirens need to get with the times jarvis: references a 10 year old song

6:42 I remember watching the dragon counterpart of that mermaid documentary and thinking it was real when I was a kid

My 11 year old self would of definitely been so happy to know mermaids are real tho lol 🙄 . I m glad TikTok wasn’t a thing back then , H2O was enough

Maybe the true ocean was the friends we made along the way

Congrats on getting The Ocean as a sponsor Jarfish!

I’m not trying to ruin the lore or anything but when they were showing that CLEAR dolphin & freaking out I was losing my mind that was so funny wtf 😭😭😭😭

at 5:11 that's definitely a person in a costume lol. Looks like a Mahina brand monofin (its like one giant flipper for both your feet, commonly used by freedivers). Mahinas are pretty popular in the professional and hobby mermaid communities

It's incredible how good Jarvis does accents. He's no pro actor, but he's really good

funny story: i'm a religious jew, so i was brought up with the idea of "question everything" but to an extreme extent. extreme enough that in sophomore year of high school, one of my judaic teacher's spent a whole period having us discuss how if mermaids exist, would they be kosher, or instead considered a human and thus not kosher, or if it wasn't considered a human, would it count as kosher due to the whole "fins and scales" rule for kosher fish. i miss judaic studies 😭 i thought i never would because having those extra classes made the school days really long (8am because of morning prayers and breakfast for those who don't eat before prayer, and ended around 6pm 😴), but thinking back on all the strange discussions, rabbis who responds to questions with more questions in hopes of a good debate, and how to approach things in the metaphysical sense _juuust_ in case things like ghosts are real (ex: "ouija boards don't work, but avoid using one JUST IN CASE", or "if it's possible for a house to be haunted, then who would truly be the owner?"). thanks jarvis now i want to go back to high school. thank u but also frick u

I'm constantly baffled by how a video less than 20 minutes long made by an independent creator with less than 2m is immeasurably better than most major productions and comedy RU-vid channels

Mermaids do exist. We just call them manatees now. Lovely creatures.