Ultimate Epic Battle Simulator 2 

Markiplier 2012: “I’m king of the squirrels!” Markiplier 2022: Incompetent duck general.

Whoever came up with the voice lines for the ducks needs a raise immediately.

6:28 Action man who's action man... OMG NO IT'S JOHN WICK

Watching a man play with ducks for 20 minutes is perfect

The battlefield is littered with the consequences of your mistakes Mark. You sent these ducks to die. They had families, children even. Your misjudgment as a general, and your sheer inability to play RTS has sent all of these ducks to their doom. The battlefield is coated with their scarlet stained feathers, the few survivors of the zombie war will never recover Mark. What have you done

"The universe is littered with the corpses of your mistake" In War with Markiplier confirmed.

"Fight like your life depends on it, which it do" Most inspiring speech I have ever and will ever hear

21:15 Curiosity killed the ducks - General Quackiplier

I wonder what goes through lixian’s mind when he sees the unedited footage of mark talking to himself in the beginning of every video

6:29 "Action man-?Who the hell is that-Oh my god, no, it's John Wick."

There's this thing in RTS's called 'Attack Move'. It's different than normally moving a unit somewhere, because it makes them attack whatever other enemy unit they come across along the way. If you used 'Attack Move' instead of 'Move', they wouldn't have just gone to one place & stayed there

The tesla ducks almost look like they are trying to spell out something on a large scale as they explode into bits. 😢

Mark is such a brilliant strategist. His tactical genius is so brilliant in fact that even his enemies are confused of his display of utterly disasterous incompetence when it comes to strategy.

Alternate title: Mark being in denial about his duck army's inadequacy

Imagine taking a walk in a beautiful green field. Peace and comfort as you walk. Suddenly, you hear the thunderous smacks of webbed feet, 10s of 1000s of them. You turn around and see ducks waddling to you, with their horrifying cries of “don’t make me come over there!” You know this is the end, but in a measly attempt of freedom, you run to the closest grocery store. All you think is, “I’m gonna need a hell of a lot of bread.” Beautiful.

0:40 Dude that is some elite foresight and editing by mark and lixian, so good

"No one shall remember their deed for history is written by the victors" is such a raw fucking line to come from a battle with ducks and chickens

I'm learning it's TECHNICALLY possible for the world to be taken over by a massive Duck army

Mark: *Knows that blood can form a river in this game Also Mark: 33:15 "Woah they have water physics in this game!" O...okay Markimoo 😂

22:07 there’s something oddly profound about how mark talks about the duck fights

“Ultimate epic battle simulator 2” Alternate title: *Markiplier mass murdering ducks for 37 minutes straight*

Has anyone done the Markiplier: "I'm not a masochist" Also Markiplier: I will pick the winner by how hurt my feelings are! Yet

Mark: lixian add your own music Lixian: I’ll call my pocket orchestra

*looking down and sad* "Ma, we lost Jerry in the great Duck vs Persian war." *Looks up and happy* "But we did win!"

Mark's incompetence in RTS has been a perfect example of Sun Tzu's divide and conquer, except applied to his singular braincell. He divided... and his enemies conquered. Mark's feathery friends relied on him, trusted him and he let them down in the worst possible way... namely, that Mark only supplied each duck with a foam helmet. Mark could have trained the ducks in combat, but instead he attempted to Miyagi them by showing them the kungfu in their every day lives... By making them think that pecking toes is a viable combat technique. Mark, are you ashamed of yourself? You thought ducks could win against egg laying hens, despite hens outweighing ducks by 3 pounds. You underestimated the sheer rage and violence of chickens and it cost the lives of hundreds of brave ducks.

13:58 An analysis of Mark's battle strategy… After an in depth analysis of this video and even more Mark’s request I needed inspiration to critique his battle style. I decided to turn to Sun Tzu’s The Art Of War. After reading cover to cover I found numerous incompetent misjudgment, and impulsive stupidity. Starting with basic formation strategies, and planning. Mark chose a “block” or “in line” formation to attack. This is most commonly recognizable from the civil war or pre modern warfare. Best for ranged attacks with non fully automatic rifles to simulate rapid fire by having each line of soldiers take turns firing, and ducking down to reload. However Mark selected this for a mass Guerilla melee warfare which quite frankly is an affront to the god of war Athena. Not only was it luck based it relied on strength with troops who had everything but. His duck platoon had higher attack rate, better concealment ability, and even moderately comparable speed. A better tactic would have been a distraction of about 10% of his troops in a reverse arrow formation to surround the block formation of the zombie horde. Along the distance to the battle use 30% for scattered ambushes, formatted to isolate, and execute small clusters of zombies, all groups holding parts of 50% as backup for each group to take out any following zombies who might have seen the ambush Once the numbers have been weakened and the horde is close enough to the 10% have what remains of the 70% ambush teams to flank the horde, with the last 20% funneling the sides out to flatten, and divide the hoard. This will take advantage of the duck’s numbers, and most valuable physical assets. Next is the war of the mind. This is an easy win as zombies already lack brain function, and ducks are known to be smarter, and more intuitive than most water dwelling birds. This allows for better local and on the fly strategy not to mention being “battle ducks” it implies previous field training. The zombies will be over confident seeing a lone horde of ducks secretly amassing only 10% of the duck’s full forces. Even more a conflict of emotion will befall the hordes as some worry about their slowly decreasing number while those closer to the center maintain confidence allowing for them to fall into the trap like lemmings. A divide of panic and overconfidence will brew to cause internal conflicts being waged on top of the slaughter that will befall the poor zombie hordes. This strategy titans over Mark's pitiful strategy of… Jack shit. He showed his weakness in leadership upfront with formation giving the zombies righteous confidence as they rush a block of weak and defenseless ducks with no plan. The best strategy was the predictable “flank em” maneuver that was not pre planned, and was never even fully completed resulting in an absolute atrocity of war strategy that I was offended by just watching. Please mark. Never join the military. You are a danger to your platoon, squadron, or otherwise. Before someone says something, this was written as a joke, just for fun.

8:30 She: Don't cry, this is just a video game! Me: *cries

Maybe you should lead for the team that you want to lose

Mark literally chose the worst possible matchups for those poor ducks lol. The reaction to him realizing that he'd matched them up against John Wick was great

"These brave ducks, waddling straight into the face of death. No one shall remember their deeds, for history is written by the victors"

17:29 Mark: trying to sound sad and all. me: To protect the world of devisation......... If you get it you get it

25:58 Mark definitely put it wrong 😅 It's vice-versa, the Battle Ducks should be were the Persians are.

Mark, you failed once you enlisted into the Duckforce. Plenty of troops had heard of the infamously masochistic general whose lack of adhd medicine and obsession with winning led to the now-extinct squirrel squadrons’s defeat during the Fite of ‘87.

"I'm going to let this run for a bit" *builds a dam out of corpses containing a waist-deep lake of blood*

Mark: gives ducks numerical advantage Also Mark: Uses no numerical advantage tactics

I love how mark just straight up abuses his power with Lixian and it’s the funniest thing I have ever seen 😂

The ducks have lost so many. Fathers, mothers, children, all lay dead, never to lay again. All thanks to you.

"These ducks will know true victory." - Surprisingly not the weirdest thing I've heard this man say. Lixian.. Nice music choices, dude.

The Army of Chuck Noreye killed me....laughed so hard 🤣

Can we just appreciate the fact that this game runs so much better than the first? the game wouldve easily run at 1 fps if there were 100k units on a map, nevermind double that amount

These brave Ducks will forever be remembered for their part in the “Battle of Waddling” 🦆

Someone sees a blood lake:"i am about to puke" Markiplier sees a blood lake:" that's pretty cool"

6:29 HE SAID THE THING HE SAID THE THING

"Duckmaster, they have us outnumbered three to one" "Then it is an even fight"

The truly incredible tactics and feats of General Duckiplier: Somehow getting himself outflanked and surrounded while attempting to flank zombies, Ordering ducks to attack tanks, deploying 1000000 ducks on a mountainside only for half of them to fall to their death before the battle begins, and by far his greatest accomplishment, removing the ducks and becoming god to smite the enemies himself.

I cried at the sad story of those ducks. God bless those geese. Their bravery shall be remembered forever

6:29 oh my god no, its john wick...

A huge flock of ducks in helmets running at me yelling “don’t make me come over there” is 100% not where I thought I was going to be today

"no one shall remember their deeds, for history is written by the victors." damn thats a hard ass quote

29:20 Oh my God, they're attacking at such speed that you can't actually see it 😂

I bet the battlefield after the battle ducks vs Tesla smelled delicious

Mantis Shrimp are actually terrifying in reality. They literally punch their prey to death. The speed of their punch is comparable to that of a bullet leaving the barrel of a gun. It creates so much friction in the water, it makes bubbles.

I love how the ducks have the numerical advantage but Mark makes sure to negate that with the formation and placement

I didn't expect to see scenic shots of ducks being slaughtered, but shit it looks pretty awesome

(In Duckville) "Daddy are you gonna come back home?" "Yes honey I'll be back"

"Noone shall remember their deeds for history is written by the victors" -Markiplier 220 b.C.

1,716,577 ducks died under General Markiplier’s command in the great duck wars that only lasted 40 minutes What a tragic waste of ducky life Note: this is assuming all ducks present died when he quit early abandoning the ducky massacres and counting all that actually died during the battle that the ducks won Note 2: that is a rate of 42,915 ducks/second

The best markiplier quote: Oh my God its john wick.... I'm sorry

Can I just say lixian’s choice of music is perfect

Mark: "I'm not a masochist" Also Mark: "Hurt me in the comments below"

Mark: “This one’s alive, keep pecking little buddy” Duck: “QUACK!” Mark: “Oh!” Duck: Dead

“Lixian add your own music” “I’ll call my orchestra =-=“ Fucking DESTROYED me 🤣

they should add squirrels. because I'm confident I'm not the only one that remembers mark was once known as king of the squirrels

I literally laughed out loud when Lixian "threw" the thumbnail into Mark's head. Like, I love the working relationship these two dorks have with each other. It cracks me up and makes me very happy

Lixian's "I'll call my orchestra" got me good. He's seriously one of the best editors, if not the best editor, on RU-vid.

i love that the ducks FINALLY get a win and then mark IMMEDIATLY try's to turn them into a river of blood

18:52 the ducks nearly won during your speech they took out half the zombies.

"Let's see what kind of chaos I can cause when given a modicum of power." -spends an hour calling the honor of ducks into question before going on a superhuman genocidal rampage and then flooding the earth to cover it up.

Mark: *Looks at Ducks* Mark: “Why are they just sitting there!” My Brain: *sitting ducks*

Lixian going nuts with his orchestra at the beginning made me laugh so hard. His expressions never get old

It’s been a whole year and still we respect the ducks F

Why did that feel genuinely satisfying to see "Battle Ducks won". It was like seeing a kid ride their bike on two wheels for the first time

Mark: "All the ways I did wrong" Well you see... it all started from the time he chose to use ducks as an army

I came here for John Wick. I stayed for ducks.

6:38 in those 2 seconds of hell, 90000 battle ducks were slain.

F for all fallen duck comrades.

“I have a funny feeling mantis shrimp also have a ranged attack.” *Laughs in terrifying bullet punch strength*

I love the music in this cello suite no. 1 was perfect 👍

If you have ever seen Enders Game, it gives a twist to the entire way of how you feel while watching this. Thinking you're just playing a "game/simulation" but ACTUALLY sending millions of existing Battle Sucks to their demise in hopes of Victory

Fun fact about the mantis shrimp IRL: it has the strongest punch (in proportion to its size) of the entire animal kingdom. Its punching arm accelerates about as fast a .22 caliber bullet. Imma do some math here, for fun. The punch it delivers has about 1.5 kN of force behind it, and it weighs up to 90 grams. The average human weighs 62 kg, which is 688 times as much. That means that if humans could punch as hard as mantis shrimps, we would be able to deliver punches with about 1 MN, or 1000 kN, or 1.000.000 newton of force. That's enough to punch a rocket into space. Not sure it would get there in one piece, but that's a problem for later

21:15 Marks horrified shock at the ducks vanishing in a wave of tank muzzle flashes is amazing like a man realizing a truth he’s know for so long is so effortlessly debunked

Because you have the chance to do multiple armies, you should split the 100k between 4 armies and put them on team 1, then you can select an armies at a time instead of trying to group select every time and getting caught up with what's where

Alas that was the story of the battle ducks, the zombies had held and as the Spartans before them… the ducks had a even fight 100000 strong. Thus their general mark had led them to absolute devastation… no ducks should ever be subject to anything like this again. The remaining duck was a brave one, he held the line for… about 20 seconds. Any individual subjected to this fight should be blessed for their brave work built upon their nation. F battle ducks.

Mark gave a move command to all of these ducks behind enemy lines. They were ordered to walk THROUGH THE ENEMY BATTALIONS TO GET BEHIND THEM, WITHOUT ACTUALLY ATTACKING THEM. It's like a reverse surprise attack

It didn't register in my head what Mantis Shrimp were, until i saw them. They're the ones capable of punching at super speed, faster than a bullet, and can boil water around them.

the john wick clip kills me every time 😭

“To protect the world from zombie infestation. To unite all ducks within our nation”.

Mark: I'm sorry ducks I'm just curious what a full auto Sherman does The Sherman: 'a literature wall of fire and steel'

Fun Fact : The Impact Force of a Mantis Shrimp's Punch is Roughly Equal to that of a .22 Caliber Bullet from a Pistol. The Punch is so hard in fact, that it BOILS The Sea Water surrounding The Shrimp's Claw. [5:37]

Bro just repeated King Leonidas a speech 🗡️

You know donald duck had enough of your shit and is pissed off when he sends 100000 of his brothers after you XD

Mark out here perfectly impersonating real military generals "oh woe is me, all these hundreds of thousands sent to die for no reason but I will pretend it was for a cause THEY BELIEVED IN and I am so sad"

me, a classical musician: dying over all the classical songs lixian used throughout the video and literally crying over how i can identify what piece is playing behind mark’s speech lixian probably: i just thought it was funny

Markiplier, you took thousands of Chuck Norris' against thousands of ducks! You realize you only needed one Chuck for it right?

The strategy he tried to do with the Persians like Thermopylae is like the only strategy that give the Persians the advantage... Slow clap but high admiration for general Markiplier 😂🤣

I love the instant realization at 35:17 “did the floor sink in” to “they are fighting on a hill of bodies”

Bro the fullauto tanks 💀

blood volume means the blood will flow like water and if it falls down into a hole, if there is enough, it will basically form a pool of blood (literally)

I love when Mark 'talks' to Lixian, because editing it must be so awkward. Because I just imagine Lixian answering his questions as he edits.

I cant believe that the ducks have their voice lines. The duck saying "ill kill you" made me laugh so hard🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣