you just beat me to 5:12 . Was about to add this comment :) My late father had that exact approach. I will never get my first car accident, I called family to let them know, everyone was like "are you ok, it was their fault" .... my dad however, first thing was "so what could you have done better to avoid the accident".
Absolute alpha dad coaching here. The young men of today and tomorrow need men like JW and JP. The pool judging story is an excellent insight into constructive criticism and it's necessity. Telling someone they're great when they done shit isn't the answer
Yeah. I think the crucial insight here is to treat children with some respect, with some expectation that they can think for themselves and sometimes acually want to learn stuff do things right.
Children are constantly trying to work out their standing in the world. You can choose to be the source of information and validation for them or they will go find the validation from another source; often from the last place you want them to be seeking information from.
Win The World I’ll take it a step further and just say Peterson’s rule for life. Treat every person like you could learn something from them whether they intend for you to or not
The final end of the story goes that the mother picked him up and the child was snuggling pathetically to Peterson‘s wife, And the wife says oh wow aren’t you super mom and picked up the kid without understanding what that child so badly needed and Peterson says it broke his heart to see that
Interesting statement about how attention is currency to kids. Take a look at how RU-vid works, where attention translates literally to currency. As you domesticate an animal like a dog, you selectively breed for eternal puppy behavior. I think as we domesticate humans, we are selecting for kid behavior. This could be a good thing, or bad, definitely interesting how it's playing out in our use of technology to communicate and make money.
I was literally surrounded by adults telling that becoming an adult is a trap. That my awkward early years were meant to be the best of my life. Not ever for my child. Never ever ever. I'll bring that child up aching to take on responsibility. But you know what, the best thing about all this unlearning is that I'm actually learning I was right the first time. Adulthood is more fun. What feels good often IS right. I can only hope to do well at things I'm passionate about and should aim for perfection.
When I see some of these videos I will get like one name of a person in my life that really needs to know this lesson. How do I go about showing them video or just telling them with out making it seem like that are dumb or failures.
I know this is a year old, but just tell them you found something interesting, send them the link, and then talk to them about how interesting the topic is. If they're dense and avoid it then there was no helping them in the first place, and if they are like anyone else they will see it and go "oh, hey, I can do better" just like the kids Jocko was judging.
It’s important to build strong children that’s for sure. But it’s also important for them to be allowed to be kids. They’re doing a school play. They’re not training for the decathlon for crying out loud.
If you have to tell an adult male to do something 10 times, does that still deserve praise after they do it? My thought is that taking care of everyday tasks without having to be told to do it should be the standard of a functioning adult, but that has come across as being ungrateful when they do actually do something. If I have to nag someone to do it once in a full moon and they can't process that they should be doing it without being told daily/weekly/monthly, then I don't feel like they deserve praise. However, this has led to numerous arguments about me being ungrateful and entitled. How do I deal with this?
It's like you're removing the reward for their effort out of spite because you hated having to remind them so much. No, it doesn't stop working. I really hate this misconception because it seems to come from anger and it messes kids up. No, it becomes normal when it's so habitual that they don't have to put in effort, then praise stops. I swear I got straight As at university and my pathological parent was like "I expected that from you." as if it was a positive statement. No. Reward is based on effort, reward effort, not outcome. If you reward outcome, you run the risk of messing your kid up in some manner. This is part of why they say it's harder, you have to kind of know the person to be able to tell when they are trying.
@@archesworn377 I understand what you mean about it messing kids up, but my comment was pointed towards grown adults both in the work place and in relationships. For example, people should understand to clean up after themselves, it shouldn't be something that warrants praise. However, for some reason they seem to think it still does. Like if they don't clean up after themselves for months even when reminded to, then they do it once before reverting to not doing it at all. Then they claim they do so much to clean up after themselves and that they're not appreciated. As stated above, this has been a common thing I have noticed in my work places, my relationship, and my friends' relationships. So, why do they expect reward for minimal effort that is only done when they are nagged to do it?
@@PockyluvrProductions I'll describe the difference in methods in my family. I live with my dad and two brothers. One is a late teen, me and the other are adults. He recently came back from uni and we're both looking for new jobs Before he came back, cleaning the house was a constant battle. Everyone blamed everyone else and had the attitude that you appear to be presenting, expecting everyone else to clean up because that's what we SHOULD do. If this wasn't met, there were some gentle questions at times but then later more arguments and nagging, sometimes lots of anger. This affected the atmosphere in the whole house. There was an underlying tone that "look, I cleaned up the whole kitchen/living room, now I DESERVE you to do it too and I can use this against you". As if to say look how great I am and look how bad you are. We all did it to each other, everyone knew it sucked but we didn't really know what else to do. The fact was that we were trying to nag each other to clean up more. Unfortunately nagging leaves people feeling resentful. It's not nice when someone nags you, even if they are right. It sets a bad tone in the house When my bro came back, he changed the atmosphere. His perrogative seems to be to get on well with people as a foundation. Have a good relationship with me, with my dad's and younger brother. Chat, watch TV together, be happy for our successes, get involved in our lives. So his starting point is "I have a good relationship with everyone". So naturally, we all like him. From there, he's can just ask us to help clean up, or if we want to cook with him, or what have you. We all find ourselves much more willing to help because of how he treats us. If we don't help, he just gets on with it and doesn't hold it against us or nags us later - which reinforces a positive attitude to helping out. The whole atmosphere in the house has improved a lot. Now, we still leave things untidy at times. It's easy to do because there's four of us and it's a small house plus we have lots of stuff. But now things get done quicker and with less negative emotion. Everyone has relaxed a bit because we see that the others ARE improving, even if slowly. Bad habits take time to change and those changes deserve to be rewarded - expecting that they have already changed just because we are unhappy right now is never going to work. If YOU make a new habit of not nagging, of thanking others even if they do things that (let's be honest here lol 😂) we should all be doing anyway, and if you can let go of the upset it causes you... That will encourage and incentivise others to improve. You've got to play the long game here. Changing habits doesn't happen overnight. It can take weeks or months. So you've got to take a magnanimous, compassionate and understanding approach. The results from that is not simply "a clean house" or "chores done", but also better relationships and a much higher level of happiness throughout the house
@@theelderelk5582 Your brother sounds like and amazing person and I'm happy that it worked out for your family. It's just really frustrating that that's how my relationship started for almost the first 2 years of living together but I got sick of him never taking initiative. Maybe I'm crazy for sticking around another 3 years but it's an exhausting constant factor in our relationship no matter how good other things get. Add a co-worker in his 50s who is even worse and literally ignores cleaning tasks in his job description and I'm at the end of my rope both at work and at home. To some extent I did give up nagging, but I also gave up trying to keep the place clean.
Praise is cringey. I don't like it. And he was right, after a point it just feels patronizing. Especially if someone is like over-the-top "that was so great" and then in the same breath they have critique or their actions show that they didn't really think it was that great.
K 2 To each their own. Praise maybe cringe to you but when people get no praise they lose morale. Depends on what you consider praise. Praise can be as simple as saying thank you but as intense as a minute long conversation as well.
@@Moneyman-33 by definition, "praise" actually is not the same as (even a synonym of, if you do a Google shmoogle) expressing thanks. So, when I said that I was thinking more along its actual definition (to applaud, celebrate, flatter, etc). But like you said, to each their own. Some people need the equivalent of a small party after everything they do and for other people, it has the opposite effect. Being a manager must be a really difficult job. I don't think I'd ever be able to do it.
