Okay, so period lolita advice from a former hotel housekeeper: I will preface saying I have dealt with hundreds, if not thousands of period stains over the years, so this is what I've found to work best! Also just...*ehem* vampire juice....if you will....this is what I'll refer to the banned word as for the sake of this comment lol. So in the unfortunate event you get a vampire juice stain on your lolita from a period or otherwise, start by immediately running it under COLD RUNNING water. Cold is important because if you use hot, you're essentially cooking the vampire juice and you may never get it out. Running is important because if you just soak it in water, there's a chance the vampire juice could lift, then spread out to a larger area, or another part of the item and stain it further. With running water, it can flow away down the drain. Do this for as long as it takes to get some amount of lifting from the stain. Next, soak in hydrogen peroxide. Hydrogen peroxide will break down the stain by reacting with the enzyme catalase, and this triggers a chemical reaction, aka the "fizzing." This starts breaking down the enzymes and compounds that form a vampire juice stain. Let it soak in the hydrogen peroxide for up to a half hour, then rinse in cold water. If necessary, repeat this process a few times. If this removes the stain fully, great! Throw it in the wash as usual. If not, on to step three. Often with period stains there will be a persistent "ring" outlining where the stain was, and this can be hard to remove. Try a mixture of baking soda with hydrogen peroxide and allow this to sit for a while. Then, gently scrub with something like a washcloth/face towel. Be careful not to scrub too hard, as you could work the stain deeper. The motion should be gentle, and think more of wiping the stain away. If this doesn't work, rinse, and try something like shout or oxyclean stain removers, be sure that they are COLOUR SAFE WITHOUT CHLORINE BLEACH OR YOU WILL CRY!!!! These you can work into the stain, then allow to sit for a few hours, wash, then try again if necessary. 9/10 this process works, especially if the stain has not had time to set! Sorry for the long winded comment, but I hope this helps someone!
Are you sure that “blood” is a banned word on RU-vid I’ve seen people use way worse words such as murder or even rape in RU-vid comments before. Did they change it or something?
There are indie brands that make matching print button-downs for their collections. I think those could be great for partners who want to tag along to meet-ups but don't wear lolita/femme fashion.
I'm pretty sure Lief does this sometimes, and there's a lot of taobao brands that do it its rly cool sometimes I get tempted cause the idea of a coord with a patterned tucked in button down with a plainer lolita skirt sounds so appealing
@@ashpitash2360 Angelic Forest and Miss Octopie immediately come to mind. I know Puvithel also has cute patterned button-downs but idr if they match any dresses. Another option is matching ouji coords! Ruby Princess and Precious Clove have pieces that could work for that.
If someone doesn’t introduce themselves with their pronouns after you do, there’s a good chance they don’t want to tell you. Maybe they’re still figuring it out, maybe they aren’t in a place where they can say the right ones. That’s why introducing yourself with your pronouns is such a good way of asking, it’s giving people the option to say without putting someone in an uncomfortable situation where they have to tell you the wrong pronouns.
I realize I'm late to the party, but I also wanna throw my two cents in about the pronoun thing. There are TERFs in this community. There are people who will misgender you maliciously. I was accosted by a TERF a while back about joining the community, and she misgendered me and said really nasty, horrible things to me solely because I'm a trans femme who wanted to wear Lolita. So even opening an introduction with your name and pronouns can be a gamble between someone who will be kind/validate your identity, and someone who will immediately begin using the incorrect pronouns (either to your face or behind your back) as if it's their 'moral duty' to make you use the wrong pronouns.
THIS!!!! I was coming to the comments to say this myself. Lolita comm is rife with transphobia, and it’s the sole reason I stepped out of the community for a chunk of 4 years, after which I’m just now returning. It’s really important to mention that those people very much exist so that new people can manage their expectations and keep themselves safe in this community.
As far as periods are concerned, I agree with all of the advice, but might I add that period panties are another protector for you, the boy shorts are great for working out and long days in costume when I am working at events. They’re also going to help with protecting your brand, wearing bloomers over your period pants is a wonderful thing.
You can also wear pronoun pins, if you're really uncomfortable being misgendered. I'm selective mute and can't always correct people, but I'm also the kind of person who don't give a damn so I just let it happen lol
I have asked my local community for a meet if my non lolita boyfriend could join us and they bluntly said no unless he wears lolita. he did not get the choice to wear something he was comfortable in (none of the alternatives from your video was even an option). We were going to this museum he wanted to go to and we were sad he could not come. I kind of regret it, he could have been amazing support for me since I am scared of people.. also, the meet was kinda boring .. especially at the end (for me at least).
That sucks oh no tbf my comm I'd really small cuz I'm in New Zealand, but unless it's a high tea no one would care if you invite more people especially your spouse
@@ron2738 I wish the community here would be likethat, I understand fir HT and similar events but not just for a meet.. I know noone there since I am new to the community, it took a lot out of me to go out without anyone I know, so ye, I hope someday he will be accepted to acompany me.
@@ShinBubblegumGaming did he have to wear a lolita dress or could he have dressed in the masculine version of lolita (I think it’s called ouji)? if it’s the latter, maybe you could find him a lowkey ouji outfit to wear next time!
@@_kaleido I did not ask further, they just said if he does not wear lolita he can not come. I think Ouji would have been ok tho at that moment we did not have anything that has ouji vibes. maybe next time. if he would ne ok to wear it.
the first one about being trans in the lolita community is so refreshing! i see too much transphobia in this community. as an ftm person i struggled when i first started wearing lolita but now a year later im the happiest ive been!!!!
adding to the period convo: cold water and hydrogen peroxide helps get stains out! best to let the fabric soak for some time and gently scrub, also try to tackle the stain as quickly as possible (•w•)👍
if it's helpful to any other ftm lolitas still worried about misgendering at cons or meetups but feel like they might be too awkward or anxious to correct people, I like to think of myself as having a "professional" gender in a sense. like I'm he/him, but in lolita, I'm still me, but with a sort of professional, going-out variant as if I'm just roleplaying a really pretty feminine person. it's weird, but for me it sort of circumvents the discomfort hearing she/her and going "wow, they think I'm a woman" and instead makes me go "oh, they think I'm doing a good job playing this very cute persona". if I'm going to be talking to them for more than a few minutes I try to correct them that I Am a man, and use he/him, but if it's just in passing, I try to take it lightly as if someone called you the character's name in cosplay or something. idk if that makes sense but maybe it'll help someone
10:05 For This issue , i could relate a bit with me , i prefer to sitting in quiet cafe in Lolita rather than in big meet ups consist 10-15 or more people , I can't stand big meet ups , it might worsened my social anxiety and using my time in cafe to thinking about new concept of new drawings rather than time for unnecesary gossips , as I want to using my brain effectively for something I considered necessary But big Kudo for Lolita’s that can stand big meetups with large number of crowds which is I couldn’t simply do that
Love you lor but Tyler's lolita boot camp is what got me the info for lolita fashion and introduced me to your RU-vid channel. Before that I was a anime weeb so looking up lolita fashion felt like a trap. 😂
You and Princess Peachie were my beginnings into Lolita fashion 🥰 I'm not always able to wear it these days, but I'll always think of you two when I do 😊💖
I'm trans, I generally don't verbally introduce myself with my pronouns. I think cis people think they're helping when they introduce themselves with their pronouns but it just feels awkward-- like being put on the spot. I wear ouji but from time to time I do wear gothic or classic lolita I understand regardless if I'm in a group with a majority of women I am going to be perceived as female. I will correct other comm members but I really do not care what strangers think.
Tip for period cleanups: I was today years old when someone told me on a discord that in the worst-case scenario where there's still period Matter on fabric, hydrogen peroxide is literally your best friend and gets everything off terrifyingly effectively! (Source: got Period Nasty on my weighted blanket AND the duvet this week despite wearing a pad, and didn't want to spend $10 to wash a heavy blanket. Also my mom hoards hydrogen peroxide since it's very cheap to get.)
I stopped going to meetups because I was sick of being misgendered. I would correct people and they would act like they were really supportive but they'd still use the wrong pronouns all the time. I was the only open trans person in the group so I felt like it was just me making a big fuss. It's been a couple of years now and I sometimes wonder if things have changed. Maybe there's another trans lolita? Maybe people are better about pronouns now? I'm just not sure if its worth the risk going back. I don’t want to get rid of my dresses but it feels a bit sad only wearing them to conventions. Where else do people wear lolita fashion?
If it's been a couple of years it could be worth giving meetups another try but it's also completely understandable if you don't want to. Please don't feel like asking for someone to use the right pronouns is making a fuss, using the correct pronouns is a similar level of effort as saying please and thank you (not much effort, just basic politeness.) To answer your last question, if you want to wear a cool outfit to hang out with friends or generally go out you could wear a lolita outfit and do it then. If there was someone who was supportive in the community you could see if you could hang out together in lolita.
for the period stuff, I already stained my ouji shorts once o/ 8D and it was white! thankfully it was fluffy and ti was really between the legs but it was source of stress, sadly I think the advice don't apply to everyone, I and some people are not comfortable with inserting tampons in (and inserting anything inside really) which leaves us w just pads and menstrual underwear and brace ourselves...(story of my life)
Part of me really wants to try ouji fashion since I don't feel comfy with dresses as a trans masc person. I however adore fancy frilly things and pastel goth stuff even though I have nothing that fits either fashion atm. Just a bunch of black pants and shirts lol
For me, I'm far enough in my transition and secure enough in myself and my indentity that I can just accept that if I'm out in public in a frilly pink dress, people who don't know me are probably going to assume I'm female (I'm kind of used to it anyway, since my everyday casual wear also skews very pink/pastel nowadays, even with more masculine silhouettes, and even though I've had top surgery and have some facial hair, what pronouns I get from strangers can be a real mixed bag) and brush it off, like... am I even ever going to see the random waiter who called me "miss" again? Probably not so it's whatever. Wrt to the comm itself, mine has been so welcoming and accepting, there's plenty of trans and enby members, I've really not had any issue at all and I think if your comm has good leadership who nip bad behaviour in the bud and enforce treating each other with respect, there shouldn't be any issues. I also have several lolita-appropriate pronoun pins that I can put on if I do want a little extra, I've seen plenty on etsy and at conventions!
I second menstrual cups for lolita, or really any fashion/costume events. They've saved my (he/him) ass many times. They take a bit of time to get used to, but it's so worth it. I've saved so much money too!
0:43 I looked at the comments people talk a lot about misgendering and pronouns pins And I think pronouns pins is a great idea but I know from experience it’s not actually going to get people to use your pronouns cuz no one is going to read it. I used to wear one all the time and I got misgendered by the people running the trans memorial booth at pride. My advice is going to be if it’s not someone you’ll see much or again, don’t worry about it. If it’s someone you’re gonna see a lot and you feel it’s safe to be out in general, then correct then. After a couple times, if they don’t even try, never speak to them again.
As an autistic person, I actually think comparisons like the karaoke one are really helpful!! It lets us know that what we’re asking for isn’t unreasonable, and allistic people (aka non-autistic people) address their needs in similar ways sometimes. Personally, it makes me feel a little more normal, as long as you acknowledge (which you did!!) that they’re not exactly the same.
12:30 you can wear reusable menstrual cups up to like 12 hr I think They make soft silicone ones and they come in 2-3 sizes and you choose it depending on your flow/vaginal measurements (I think flow is more important in size though) I personally suggest the soft silicone cuz it’s easier to get in but also it’s recommended for people who have more active lives (waiters, dog walkers, etc)
13:00 depending on where you are and what it is, just hand wash in cold water with soap in the sink same day That way most of it is already out before it’s time to do laundry
i know you don’t really respond to comments but anyone who’s knowledgeable is welcome to respond. i really want to get into lolita fashion, when i see someone wearing it i get jealous of them, but i HATE HATE HAAAATE blouses and button-up shirts, or really any tops that aren’t skin-tight as i have pretty bad body dysmorphia and wearing anything even slightly baggy around my chest makes me feel huge. i know it’s not okay to wear JSK’s without blouses underneath as i’ve heard many, many times, but i live in west virginia and it’s not like anyone would really be around to point out my wrongdoing or “lack of modesty”, also i’ve seen models do it and i really love the sillouhette of it. are there any alternatives to frilly puffy sleeved blouses or any circumstances in which it’s okay to go blouseless?
how do you find “comms” with the same fashion interests as you? im SUPER new to this and just dont know how to find people around me or near me who are also into the fashion im into
Saying preferred pronoun is okay I haven’t seen people at least close to me get upset about it. Like it’s better to say pronoun but there are people who have multiple pronouns they like to go by and do have a preferred one. It’s complicated but like don’t get so upset thinking you’re the worst over something like that. There are much bigger issues trans people need cis people to do to make them more comfort and also protect their rights as human beings! Thats not to say language isn’t important I’m just saying so many people get hung up on saying the right things, but completely ignore big issues that would actually help trans and LGBTQ people.
I am so confused about the misgendering. I live in an area where there is no exposure to the lgbt community. I never experience having to call people something outside of their appearance. The one time I did, I called someone "her/she" because she clearly had a female form, voice, and appearance. They very aggressively yelled "they!" at me. How am I supposed to know? Why respond so aggressively when I've never met them before in my life? It's confusing, and the aggression doesn't encourage respect.
They were wrong for reacting that way, but I understand that it must be frustrating to be constantly misgendered and they probably just snapped. Although getting angro at individuals about it achieves absolutely nothing and can actually make more conservative people dig their intolorent heels in about the LGBTQ+ community even further.
@hooray4pie145 Thank you for your response. I'm one of those people who will treat you how you treat me. Respect has to be earned. If someone comes attacking right out of the gates, I won't be kind and understanding. They aren't the only people with problems in this world. Being misgendered doesn't seem world ending to me. There are more important things to worry about. If your body displays one thing and your mind feels another, lay off the misgendering aggression. It's going to keep happening when you clearly look female or male. It'll never end. Might as well be more accepting and chill out. I can't figure out if I have body or gender dysmorphia. But I never correct anyone. Because my body clear reads female. It would be exhausting trying to make people call me anything else.
@@LurkingAstronautHello. As a trans person, I want to let you know some of my thoughts, since you said in your first comment that you are confused. Maybe I can help clarify. First off, to get this out of the way, pointing out that trans people "aren't the only people with problems in this world" and saying that we should "chill out" is not constructive. Although misgendering is a *small* problem in many instances, it is still a problem, and there's no reason for you to minimize it when it is the center of the discussion. This one interaction seems to have left quite an impression on you. I have no doubt that it happened, and it makes sense that it would leave an impression on you when you live in an area where the LGBTQ+ community is not very visible. Having said that, I want to contribute that 99% of the trans people I know are very calm and courteous when correcting strangers on their pronouns - if they even do at all. Most don't. You're right, it does get exhausting sometimes. But when we meet people who are accepting and kind, that exhaustion is worth it. Of course you have no way of knowing what someone's pronouns are if they haven't told you, and no one should act aggressively towards you for that. But please keep in mind that gendering somebody correctly once you *know* what the correct language is should not have to be "earned." It is basic human decency. There are certain famous trans people who have done terrible things and who I don't respect at all. But I still use the correct gendered language when talking about them, and doing otherwise would accomplish nothing other than making me look like a fool. I am glad that you try to treat people with the same level of respect they give to you, and I wish you nothing but the best.
@CassetteVCR Thank you for the comment. I try to respect people where I can, but if they just fly off the handle within the first 5 seconds of meeting them, it makes it hard to communicate with them. If they had approached the situation more calmly instead of being aggressive, I'd be more understanding. I'm one of those people who, if you tell me I can't do something, I'm going to do it even more because I don't like being told what I can and can't do. Especially if it goes against my morals or life view or is aggressively thrown in my face for no rhyme or reason. It gives me a bad first impression and I don't think it's my job to manage thier feelings. It's their job. If they can't understand that it's impossible to guess their assumed gender at first glance, it's their responsibility to reevaluate how they will respond. I won't be the first or the last to "misgender" them. And I'm not going out of my way to play a guessing game. If you look male, I'm calling you he/him. If you look female, you're she/her. I don't have time for shenanigans. Life is too short.
I’m intersex and feel people introducing themselves with their pronouns can be very pretentious, or straight-up says “I can’t tell what you are, what are you?”. We also shouldn’t be offended about being misgendered when wearing intensely gendered clothing. Lolita is basically just drag, lmao.
Im gonna give my two cents. Im an FTM lolita like many others, but I still somewhat agree with Lors first response to the misgendering situation. I know when I wear EGL im presenting 'femenine' in the eyes of modern society, and because of that I expect strangers (not members of lolita coms, im talking normies) to call me by female pronouns because they just dont know any better. Normies are still caught in the throes of gendered clothing and gender roles unlike us. On top of that, a significant number of us are cautious to correct normie strangers on our pronouns because they might not respond too favorably, especially when the fluffy bo-peep princess says "call me a he". That being said, when wearing lolita you have a higher chance of encountering younger, more alternative people who are aware and empathetic towards trans people who wont mind pronoun correction. They tend to approach you and more often than not will refer to you with they/them till corrected. Your people will find you, and theyll respect you, but worrying about the behaviors of 'the common folk' when you are already above them by being a transgender lolita is a waste of your time and energy. I also wanna say, and its a hot take, but the general lolita world is much more forgiving to AFAB people than AMAB people, trans or no. I see trans men recieve more respect than cis men, and trans women are suspected of being sissies and fetishists if they dont 'pass' till they can prove themselves worthy. We still have some sexisms to counter in our community.
I can understand where you’re coming from with the misgendering thing, but I don’t want to live in a society or be involved in a comm where I have to walk on eggshells around people. I want to be in this fashion for connections, not to constantly be worried about offending people & being responsible for “trauma” they would experience from a pronoun. We use pronouns based on observation, & I’m worried about how much we have divided ourselves as a society because of them. I genuinely feel terrible for anyone who’s that uncomfortable with themselves, but I’m not responsible for a stranger’s trauma because I said “she” to someone who presents feminine… especially when this fashion is inspired by WOMEN’s clothing from the Rococo & Victorian periods. 🥲
