When Gentle Parenting Just DOES NOT Work 

Gentle parenting = acknowledging your child as a human with their own thoughts and feelings and teaching them how to deal with them while learning to human effectively NOT letting them do whatever they want.

You have become my spirit animal! I have been a parent for 25 years now and have spent ALL of this time thinking I was the only mom who parented this way. I've never had a name for it until now and my confidence as a mother has skyrocketed since I found out I'm not alone... Not to mention all 3 of my littles are freaking AMAZING humans... Thank you so very, very much!!! ❤️😭

My sister is in the "ineffective/saccharine" phase of attempting gentle parenting. Lots of meltdowns with the kiddo, which are made worse by mama getting frustrated trying to be sweet and blowing her top. Being a single mom co-parenting with a narcissist is hard, man :( I'm just trying to figure out how to share this video to be helpful without being a judgey jerk 😬

"I'm about to fight this baby!" 😂😂😂 That would have been me. Fortunately kid-free for 52 years and counting. You are hilarious though! And a great mom.

❤ My parrot loved the kiss at the end. He loves kisses. He gave you a kiss back. 😊

I love the message. I'm probably older than you and my dad still thinks I'm incapable of making my own decisions, even on trivial things. If it's not his way it's "wrong" and "stupid". It's really frustrating.

Thank you Gwen for the tips about being a gentle parent because taking care of a kid is really hard so thank you so much again☺️

hi, i’m a young mom of two 6 year olds! your videos have really helped parenting run smoother!! i appreciate you so much for sharing your humor and your advice with the rest of us❤️❤️you’re an awesome mom and i’m glad i discovered your channel! so many laughs over here 🤣🤣

I've parented my boys this way, and my ex-husband and current husband both try to tell me that I let them walk all over me. It's not true. My children and I get along well, we have conversations, not shouting matches. They're all 3 adults now, and are respectful and think of others' feelings. I think I did a good job.

I have to say, when I was I was the lady who was against gentle parenting when I first became a parent. I did not know what gentle/ responsive parenting was. Your videos made me genuinely grow to a better understanding and made me realize from the beginning I have been gentle parenting, but I always thought gentle parenting was just permissive parenting. Thank you none the less for your videos and giving validation for all of us just doing our best 💛

I’ve always considered “Gentle Parenting” to be finding the root of a meltdown/upset. Instead of assuming it’s a tantrum think about what led up to it. Usually they’re tired or hangry lol I’ve seen the complete failure of gentle parenting: “I’ll let you do whatever the hell you want”

As a new mom this helps so much. I will try anything not to have a child like my friends. She does submissive parenting under the disguise of gentle parenting.

So gentle parenting is like non force dog training. It's based in learning theory and educational science. Makes sense. I've been a trainer for 20 years. I don't use punishment because it doesn't create reliable behavior long term and breaks trust. Instead, I encourage dogs to make good choices by using reinforcement (positive and some negative reinforcement techniques but never ecollars or such tools). This creates reliable long term behavior even when you're not present while facilitating positive communication and building a better bond. Effectively you explain to the animal what their choices are and the consequences of those choices. Not exactly verbally of course but yes you can communicate with non verbal animals using various techniques like clicker training. It's interesting to me even though I don't have kids of my own, to hear how similar gentle parenting is to what I do. I guess we both have Pavlov & Skinner to thank!

Your videos have helped me re-realize the importance of gentle/ responsive parenting. THANK YOU! Some times it’s important for refreshers I’m what we have learned and you put an awesome spin on it.

You are Amazing! Thank you from my whole heart!!! You have saved the sanity of an Old-school Grandma who has been trying to comply & cope with the new-fangled styles of today's parents...3 of which are my own children who gave me Grammy status. You turned what I saw as laziness & over-tolerance into totally different perspective. Thank you from my whole heart!!! oooxxx

Sends you on your own healing journey when you start.. it’s been the hardest, but BEST thing I’ve ever looked into. It’s not easy by any means.. but who would’ve thought teaching them how to human, instead of just teaching them how NOT to has been life changing. It is so much calmer in my house. Most meltdowns (besides tired ones and unforeseeable circumstances) are easily avoidable, and that’s with two autistic kids.

So true. Gentle parenting needs a rebrand. People only ever hear the word "gentle" and associate it with just being straight up submissive to your kid.

The kiss at the end was not stupid. I needed it

My dad was the OG gentle parent and he didn’t even know it 😂 he always used to explain shit to me. When I understood why I didn’t want to do something- I didn’t try to do it anymore:)

Ok. I’m not against gentle parenting. I believe what works for you and your family is best, but I have another perspective on this. My mom tried this with me. I’m a grown adult, as I grew up, I found myself pushing boundaries and wanting to learn things on my own. I kind of resent my mom for not being tougher on me growing up. I’m the type of adult who tends to learn the hard way instead of following advice and I can only imagine it has something to do with the way I was treated like I understood consequence from my moms advice instead of her being more “directing” in my early years. I do respect my little ones, I am a little more strict with them then my mama was with me, but I’m just here to say, If you’re a mama with children who don’t respond to this type of parenting, you’re not a failure❤️ you’re great and it doesn’t work for everyone. If you’re a mama that gets great results from this, you are also great❤️❤️

Huh....guess I was a gentle parent without ever knowing. My little grew to be an incredible young adult (currently 23yrs old) without any major hiccups along the way, which I always attributed to them being smarter than me from the get-go but maybe I actually did help! LOL

My parents raised us like that only there was no name for it at the time. (I was born in 82, my brother 88). My mom had a strict father growing up as one of 10 kids and he was of the old school where you hit them and weren't their friend. My dad was one of two and his parents were less authoritarian. As dad got older and didn't need to be parented as much, Grandpa went from authority figure to my dad's best friend. Mom and dad were not into hitting or spanking and if my brother and I did get out of line we were grounded, had our toys taken away, and told WHY that happened. They also made it very clear to us that my beother and I could always vome to them and tell us what was on our mind and that we all were a team and supposed to work together, not against one another. The only mistake my parents made was my mom being so aftaid of conflict (due to her upbringing) that she wouldn't even let my brother and I have a heated discussion. But we learned to resolve conflict by being calm so as not to trigger my mother. Other than that I would totally follow their example.

I love your 20th and 21st century videos. The 20th century brings back so many memories.

Love this. We're going to have so many different quotes for this. Being open to different ways to parent will suit different children.

I don't have kids, I don't want kids, not sure I even like kids. But you make my version of hell look so entertaining. I enjoy watching you from this side of the room.

I had to stop myself from fighting a coworker this week that was under the impression that the only way to teach children consequences when they're misbehaving ("discipline") was to hit them. These videos help me make sure I have the skills to never result to that mindset around kids.

My parents did gentle parenting before it existed, and I’m so incredibly grateful they did, I️’m 24 now and have an AMAZING relationship with both of them. I’m a nanny, and one of my best friends was raised by an abusive alcoholic and has asked me to teach her how I️ take care of the kids because she doesn’t know how. When I️ mentioned “gentle parenting” she was against it until she saw me apply it. Now her and her boys have a MUCH better relationship.

I did get some good info out of this, but also all I payed attention to was how pretty your decor was! The paintings and everything!

The shorts are great but these longer videos are even better

Why are you not just EVERYWHERE!! I don’t even have kids yet and this is phenomenal. Thank you. And the kiss wasn’t stupid, it was cute! 😆❤️👏🏽

I have always referred to gentle/responsive parenting as intentional parenting- I am intentional in taking the time to help my children grow.

I love this channel. I find your advice is very healing.

"I'm about to fight this baby!" 😂🤣😂👏👏👍

I don't have kids, I don't even know if I want kids, but omg, if I ever do get any rugrats I know what kind of parent I want to be! I have niblets, who I just love, but sometimes I just don't know how to be an adult around them because my sister doesn't get that I'm not learning to parent at the rate she is, but learning to be an aunt at a completely different pace. This has helped me so much! Especially when it comes to avoiding conflicts with my sister over how I adult in regards to the little ones, because I've been able to respond to my niblets in a way that often keep anything that could have become an issue completely below my sisters radar. And also, I'm actually learning to be nicer to myself, and making the whole 'managing my own life' easier, because who knew you could be 28 and still need to explain consequences to yourself in order to understand and respect your self-imposed boundaries?!

I can watch you’re videos literally all day. Great content!

Gentle parenting isn't the same as coddling

I love your content and commentary! Thanks for your logic and empathy! Thank you for the hard work you put into your videos. You're awesome, Gwen!

The mwah I don’t know why I did that that was dumb had me rolling 😂😂

I've had bad experiences with gentle parenting people and groups but I like you. 😁

Yet you may not want to give too much information. My grandma used a form of gentle parenting when raising me. She would go in depth of why I should not do certain things and gave many examples of people in our family, usually my parents, that has done the thing she is telling me not to do and how it has messed up their lives and everyone around their lives. It really messed up me up mentally and turned out to be a bit of a handicap now that I am an adult. I also really want to one day make a soap opera that will last decades based off of my family history, as that is how bad the stuff that was shared with me was.

When you have to code switch to get people to listen.

Im so thankful for people like you and my mother because it helped me grow so much more than my dad's "because i said so" or that i dont matter. Thank you

Your videos have made me realise my parents didn't really raise me at all and that's why i can't really.. uhh,, function. So uh- thanks for the emotional meltdown lol

We love and appreciate you lady. Thank you for helping me keep my sanity

I had to pause for a solid seven minutes at "im about to fight this baybee" cos damn i have some mom shame memories very in line with that

Love the long form stuff you’re doing now. Awesome use of all these characters you’ve dreamt up 😁

Oh yeah. For sure reparenting my inner child with your videos The accent was great and I loved the weird blown kiss at the end xD

"I'm about to fight this baby!" LOL... Those words have come out of my mouth behind the scenes once or twice ...

I patented my older two very different from my younger one. I've really learned alot from you that's seeped into how I parent him and it's made HUGE changes. Sometimes I have to suppress fhe urge to go nuclear because it can be hard to be constantly "on" I guess but it's getting easier. I'm more retraining myself then I am reparenting him. The more gentle ways of parenting are becoming my initial instinct now. I'm very grateful.

My kids are now 17, 18, & 18, I wish I had known about gentle parenting when they were small. Maybe then we wouldn't have had so many issues, thank you for making these videos and keep them coming!

Due to unfortunate circumstances both of my children were adopted. So I don't have anyone to parent. That being said, if I was raising my kids I would parent very similarly to you. I love the way that you explain things and I love how you respect your children. You are a wonderful mother and an amazing human. Thank you for being you and putting this content out there. ❤😊

I actually had a very similar convo this past Thanksgiving. My family ranting about how terrible gentle parenting is and they wouldn't be the person they are today if their mother hadn't beat their ass.

“Your precious little feefees” lol

Awful accent? No way girl the way you said "mind" was spot on 😂

As a single lady in 30s and have yet to have a child, I love learning from you.

I always start off with you don’t have to be a gentle person to be responsive and not reactive! Which is stuck in my head from your videos basically. I am definitely not a gentle person by nature (very loud arm wavy, not a hugger type of gal 😂) but if you can just take one moment of stopping and realizing what you are feeling. Patience comes easier ,mostly … ❤

I am about to fight this baby! Lmaoooo

Give them guidance so when they are on their own, they know what to do. Responsive vs Reactive ~ THANK YOU 🙏🏼💙

I stumbled across this video. I never knew I was a Gentle Parent. When raising my son. I just treated him like a little Adult. I explained to him what would happen if he did x,y,z. Or you know playing in the road. I treated his feelings accordingly and we had a few hiccups along the way. But we both learned and grew from it. He is now 21 and doing the same to my grandbaby. (when I raised him I just didnt want to be like my parents) Thanks for the laugh with the accent tho . Sounded like my Aunt

Lol so help me this is the best one yet!!

You are my new fave YTbr. And this video has just given me the reassurance I didn't know I needed. My natural instincts were always to parent this way, mostly because I never had that growing up.

Im still laughing at "saccharin sweet" 🤣🤣

Thank you! Now I have video material to show people when they laugh at me for wanting to go the gentle parent route

I appreciate that you made this. It took alot for me to get it out of my head that gentle and responsive parenting were the same 😅 so thia gave me a good laugh at myself. I was like, I was really sounding like that omg🤣

The more I watch your videos the more I realize that my parents gentle parented me despite there not really being a term for it at the time.

I wish I could do all your videos to my parents so we don’t go through the same cycle of parenting I went through when they’re with them. But they’re unresponsive with anything I try to un-do

I absolutely love your videos and learn a lot and I have come to the conclusion that they should rename gentle parenting just so people won't throw it to the side like I used to they should just call it common sense parenting because like you said kids are people too they just suck at being a person in a way and I don't mean that meanly we just have to help them figure out how to use the feelings and emotions that they're having and I really appreciate your videos it's helped me parents might almost 5 year old autistic sense so much as a matter of fact we were able to do a big social gathering last night we're super loud we went to a rodeo and it's his first gathering like that he wore his headphones for the first time and we got to sit through the whole thing it was so nice

Respond not react 🙌🏻 I have a lot to unlearn from my own upbringing but that seems like a great place to start.

I was this many years old when I learned how I parent had a name lol.

The sign-off was cute, you should do it after every video ❤️

Seriously, the blonde wig …. You look fantastic in that hairstyle. Not too many woman can pull off super short hair like that. You can!!! Gorgeous color and cut!!

Yeah, I hate the parents who think gentle parenting is just letting kids do whatever they want. My mom was one of those parents who just didn't get it. She lives with a gentle parent, she's directly seen the effects of her parenting vs. his and still doesn't believe she did anything wrong.

I myself do not have children I do want some someday and I like your videos and podcast of whatever I like the way you parent very informative

Once we were at a some kind of celebration, I don’t know if it was a wedding or a party I just remember it was a couple of families in the same table, my little sister said “I don’t want to eat anymore “ and we all said, together, all 4 of us “so don’t eat anymore “ and one of the mom’s stared at us and was like “you guys always keep the same line together, I thought it was only at big legal things but apparently it’s in everything .” Actually we do alignment call before big stuff so we don’t step on each other foot, we do it in all of our family, that was just the general belief that the kid can understand their hunger better then anyone else, and no, a child would not eat chocolate 3 times a day if given the opportunity, I say at as someone who ate chocolate as her lunch for half a year. Eating chocolate gets really old, after I started to haver ready food to eat at home I didn’t eat chocolate for 6 years , there is a difference between “delicious food “ and “sweet food “ and after the novelty would end the kid would do anything for some good home cooked meal, Parenting is for the long game, chores for example, they are not chores, they are “you are part of this house and this is your contribution “ People never understand how we, me and my siblings are so well behaved, because my parents never shouted at us, never punished us, found the stuff we did as hilarious and still we were polite little beans, and that was because we liked our parents as people and didn’t want to hurt their feelings, so you get in the end children that have understanding of empathy responsibility and trust you if they mass up to not lose your crap, so they do better because they want you to feel better. I think it’s much easier than having children that are afraid of you…

I often have to remind younger people to use the same techniques with our older generations. That they are people too same as you and me but get confused and don't know how to understand or express their feelings appropriately.😂

I want to be like this but I need examples how to be responsive but set boundaries! I’m the momma that needs help lol!

This could be me and my husband. He feels like being authoritarian is the only way that he'll get respect, and that talking about feelings all the time is going to make our son weak. Only in the last few weeks has he finally started to dial it back, after literally two years of raising concerns.

Yaya, I did something right! My kids at least have good self esteem for being allowed a voice in their young lives

"I'm about to fight this baby!" Bahahaha

Omg I freaking love all of your content!!!! 😂

Blessings to all!

Your Southern is dead-on! (Coming from a true southerner) 😊

I love how as soon as you put on your "Karen" hair, she seemed open.... LoLoLoL

I love your videos so much, can you give more examples of how you deal with a meltdown-I have a 4yr old. Like for example when they are feeling big mad, and taking it out on random things around the house i.e. making a big f*cking mess lol. What kind of language should I use to de-escalate the situation that’s in full swing? Thanks for all your videos, you’ve helped me improve my parenting so much!

I absolutely love your videos!! They truly help me be a better Momma!!

I use the term "respectful parenting" because any time you say gentle people think permissive and that annoys me.

I used the giraff language that I learned in conflict management for work since my child was pretty much born (I didn't care that she couldn't understand me in the beginning, I just always told her anyway) It goes: When you do X, I feel Y, please do Z instead because B Sometimes X and Y is sufficient. It also teaches the child to be mindful what she is feeling, because you better beleive they'll use it back on you!

My kid is a person, and they're still learning

🤣 you're funny, funny talented!

Wish I saw these when my kids were younger. They are 20 and 18 now. I didn’t beat them like I was beaten, but I wish I could have done better.

I absolutely love your videos!!! 🤣💕🤣💕

Had a child I knew who's gut reaction when angry was to spit at people. Rather than taking their right to spit away. Told them every time they need to spit. Go up to the sink and have at it. They soon slowed down because negative response to getting spat at was not there anymore.

I'm from the area tbat has 'that awful accent' and it was spot on lmao

Look at your child as someone from a different continent, language and culture who has come to visit and wants to learn how to fit in and play along. How would you want to be treated if you woke up in Outer Mongolia?

I am so tired I littlally accidentally they my phone one the floor. 😂 Going bed 🛌...

Where in the hell (pardon me) were you when I was trying to parent?? Seriously. I now have a 42 year old going on - on a good day 14 years old AND on a really good day 42 going on 4 years old!!!! Gosh I wish I had you on speed dial.......then.... and to be quite frank NOW. I am loving your umm whatever this is called. Thank-you, thank-you, THANK-YOU!

What's almost funny is this is how I approach teaching/being in charge. It started when I was a camp counselor, and I later applied it to being a paraprofessional. Any time someone asks me "and what do you do when that doesn't work?" and honestly? I've yet to find a kid who wasn't willing to work with me once they realized I wasn't just another power trip adult who wanted to order them around. We can joke and be silly. Heck, I'm even okay with some friendly sarcasm. But we need to follow the rules and make choices that are conducive to you and everyone else having the best day we can manage. Treat kids like people, show them you're on their side (as much as you can be), and add in a solid dose of good old fashioned cI believe in you", and they might surprise you with the results.

Love your content!!

You are so incredible! Love it all!

Hahaha this reminds me of the time one of my friends told me that if I would bribe my kid she would do as she was told.😂 I told him that I simply explain to my child why she would want to do something cause she is a person😅